Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ The Sin of Regret ❯ Chapter 6

A/N: Yay! Just the epilogue left! I'm planning to post that on Sunday.

Sorry, I know I said that I'd try to do a Lemon, but that doesn't work with this story (I still want to do one for this storyline though).

The Sin of Regret

Chapter 6

It was funny, Kurama had never considered the Sin of Regret to be complicated, just do what you want and it's not a problem; though in all honesty, it _was_ more complicated than that.

If it had been just lust or hunger for the Forbidden Child's unique youki he wouldn't be experiencing enough regret to trigger his death, but it had ceased to be just that long ago. Lust, hunger, friendship, trust; these things he could recognize, but it took him far too long to realize his feelings went deeper than that, and then to understand what it meant.

It had been different with Kuronue, they were allies, friends, and casual lovers, but Kurama had never really loved Kuronue; he had never really loved anyone at that point. Kuronue had tried to explain love to Kurama a few times, when Kurama had asked why Kuronue held his deceased mate's pendant in higher regard than his own life, but Kurama had been unable to understand the concept then.

He was also certain that if Hiei had never responded to Kurama's advances he wouldn't have much regret either, but Hiei _had_ responded; in his own way, Hiei had started to reciprocate Kurama's affection, then he had suddenly turned cold. Hiei had pretended merely not to care, but Kurama had seen something else in his eyes; anger, contempt, and hurt.

Kurama had not told Hiei when he had had the opportunity; and now he regretted that, regretted enough to die from it.

"Hiei..." Kurama brushed his fingers over the limiter, feeling the symbols of the spell that kept his youki damped down so that it didn't tear him apart as quickly.

Why bother? For whatever reason, Hiei hated him now; he'd hardly be coming for a visit. All Kurama could do was sit here and wait for time to run out, while his friends searched futilely for some way to save him. He was tired of waiting, tired of thinking, tired of going through the same runaround in his head every five minutes.

It was hopeless.

Why keep waiting?

The limiter had been designed to restrict the youki of criminals; Kurama had worn one before, during his trial. He knew that Koenma had disabled the lock so that Kurama wouldn't feel like a prisoner; the lock had been the first thing he had tested.

Sighing, Kurama removed the limiter and braced himself for the pain.

~*~

Hiei was still a block away when Kurama's youki hit him hard.

`What the...' Hiei's eyes widened. `That baka took off the limiter!' Within a second, he had landed in the tree outside Kurama's window. Hiei winced as the violent youki stung him. If it hurt just to be this close, how must it feel to be the center of it? The window was fortunately open; Hiei entered the room and ran to Kurama's side.

Kurama's eyes were squeezed shut, his breath came in ragged gasps, and his muscles were all clenched against the pain. The limiter was clutched in Kurama's fist so tightly blood oozed from cuts in the kitsune's palm. Hiei pried the limiter out of Kurama's hand and put it back on him.

"Kitsune no BAKA!!!" Hiei shouted, as soon as Kurama's eyes opened and awareness returned to them. "You're not allowed to die until I'm finished with you!!!"

"H-Hi...ei..?" Kurama's eyes widened when he realized who was standing before him; then he laughed bitterly. "You're the last person I expected to see."

Kurama tried to push himself up to a sitting position, but he didn't have the strength and collapsed back to the bed. Hiei took pity on him and helped him up.

"Arigatou," Kurama braced his hands on his legs to keep himself upright and looked at the smaller youkai. Hiei walked back to the window and shut it, much to Kurama's surprise; it was very unlike Hiei to cut off his own avenue of escape.

"Hiei...what happened? I don't understand... why... you're so angry at me."

"You were just playing with me," Hiei growled.

"What--?"

"Mukuro explained a few things to me about Youko, that you feed on the ki of the people you have sex with."

"Oh Hiei..." Kurama whispered, finally understanding.

"I'm not stupid, Kurama!" Hiei shouted, turning to face the kitsune, his crimson eyes burning with rage and betrayal. "I know what I look like to creatures like you!!! I WON'T BE USED LIKE THAT BY YOU!!!"

Kurama met Hiei's glare evenly, considering how to respond to the Forbidden Child's accusations.

"Shuuichi?" The door opened, "I heard yelling, what..." Shiori took in the sight before her; her son sitting on his bed, every line of his body screaming exhaustion, while a smaller boy glared bloody death at him.

"I'm not leaving just because _she's_ here," Hiei snarled.

"'Kaasan, it's alright," Kurama said. "I'm sorry we woke you. Please go back to bed; we'll try to keep it down."

"Are you sure you're alright?" She glanced at Hiei with an alarmed expression.

"Yes," Kurama replied. "Hiei and I have a few things to work out; I'm sorry if it got a little out of hand."

"If you're sure..." Shiori backed out of the room and closed the door. Kurama turned his gaze back to Hiei.

"I won't lie to you," Kurama started. "It was my original intention to seduce you just so that I could have some fun with you and taste your youki." Hiei looked away, hurt by that confirmation. "In fact, it was you who reawakened that part of me. Most youkai would give almost anything to have an affair with a Youko, no matter how brief."

Hiei opened his mouth to object.

"I know. You aren't like that," Kurama continued gently, before Hiei could say anything. "I know now, but I didn't know then; and by the time I understood that I didn't want just a short fling anymore."

"You'd tire of me before long," Hiei said flatly, crossing his arms over his chest defensively.

Kurama shook his head. "No, Hiei. I know you're afraid of that, that you're afraid of being abandoned again; and if I hadn't been entirely sure of my ability to commit to you I would have backed off for the sake of our friendship. I love you, Hiei."

"Pretty words," Hiei snorted. "Even if you mean them, what about when your ningen side dies?"

"To be honest, I don't know for sure," Kurama admitted. "It's possible that certain aspects of my personality are only present because I'm ningen, and that when I return to my original form they will disappear. It's possible...but I don't think that's the case. Being ningen changed me, yes, but it was a gradual change, as gradual as any change a person undergoes during their life. I don't believe that the person I am now will disappear with the death of this body; but, as I said, I don't know that for sure.

"I've told you how I feel," Kurama took off the limiter and Hiei moved toward him in alarm. "I don't need this anymore. I have nothing to regret. Well, no, maybe one little thing..."

Kurama stood up and walked over to Hiei. Wrapping his arms around the smaller youkai, the Youko-turned-ningen pulled him into a kiss; a gentle but still passionate meeting of lips. One of Hiei's hands found it's way into Kurama's hair as Hiei's crimson eyes slid shut. Kurama pulled back, but Hiei's hand in his hair prevented him from going very far.

"I promise, Hiei," Kurama said, "I won't just use you and throw you away; and if there is only one thing about youko that you can trust, it's our promises."

"Kiss me again," Hiei demanded, pulling lightly on Kurama's hair.

Kurama smiled and obliged.