Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Yusuke's Revenge ❯ Yusuke's Revenge ( One-Shot )
[ P - Pre-Teen ]
By: Jesscheaux 
IT'S TIME FOR YUSUKE'S REVENGE! Watch out Hiei and Kurama fangirls! >D
Anime/Manga: Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 06.10.2003 | Pages: 7 | Words: 5.5K | Visits: 1.3K | Status: Completed
IT'S TIME FOR YUSUKE'S REVENGE! Watch out Hiei and Kurama fangirls! >D
Anime/Manga: Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 06.10.2003 | Pages: 7 | Words: 5.5K | Visits: 1.3K | Status: Completed
Yusuke's Revenge
Written by: Jesscheaux
Disclaimer: I did not invent, nor do I own, Yu Yu Hakusho or any of the characters.
Author's notes: How many Yu Yu Hakusho fics do you see out there that actually star Yusuke? NEXT TO NONE! And he's the main character! Well, how about that? This fic is about Yusuke getting mad about this particular fact and plotting his revenge on all the fanfic writers. THIS IS NOT DIRECTED AT ANYONE, its just a funny way of seeing how Yusuke would react. Please do not be offended this, it was only written for amusement. Besides, you people just love bashing my Kuwabara and feel no remorse whatsoever!
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Yusuke Urameshi sat at his home computer after school surfing the web instead of doing his homework. Surprise surprise. Yusuke wouldn't really know what his homework was anyway, being that he skipped school quite frequently. On his adventure in cyberspace, the Spirit Detective just happened to find a site called "MediaMiner.org" and much to his amazement, our hero found stories about....THE SPIRIT DETECTIVES!!!!
Yusuke brushed his hair back from his face and stared at the computer screen in awe. "No...way...."
20 minutes later:
Yusuke was still sitting at the computer staring dumbly at the screen. He suddenly shook his head violently and picked up the phone.
*ring ring*
"Moshi Moshi!" answered a deep, scratchy voice on the other end.
"Kuwabara, it's me!" Yusuke screamed into the phone, "Get to my house ASAP!!!"
"Urameshi? But why?!"
"Don't ask, just DO!"
SLAM!
Yusuke hung up the phone, leaving a very confused Kazuma Kuwabara on the other end. Kuwabara shrugged and headed out for Yusuke's.
Similar occurrances happened all over town and soon the Spirit Detectives, Koenma, and Botan were gathered in Yusuke's
bedroom. Yusuke had his hands behind his back and was pacing in front of his computer.
Koenma was sucking his pacifier, looking extremely bored, Hiei was waiting most impatiently with a scowl on his face and the others looked at him eagerly awaiting what was so important.
Yusuke cleared his throat just then. "Ahem! Now, you're all probably wondering why in the world I called you here today."
Shouts of agreement were heard from the group and Hiei yelled: "Get on with it!"
"Alright alright, simmer down! Impatient...*cough cough* So ANYWAY! I found something today on the internet that will BLOW. YOUR. MINDS!"
"Yusuke!" Teen Koenma complained, "Can we just get on with this??? You're dragging it out on purpose!"
"Geez Koenma, such a whiny baby! Any more complaints?" he guestured to the rest of his audience.
Hiei spoke up again, not surprisingly, "Yusuke you imbecile, this is just prolonging our wait, TALK FOR REIKAI'S SAKE!"
"Uh yeah, well, words can't describe what I found today and you'll have to see it to believe it. Lady and Gentlemen, I give you....MEDIAMINER.ORG!" he guestured wildly at the computer and the entire group was soon flat on their faces.
"Oh Yusuke.." Botan muttered from her position on the floor disappointedly, "I thought we trained him well, Koenma."
"YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME!" Yusuke protested, "Seeing is believing, now SOMEBODY COME LOOK!"
"Alright already!" Kuwabara jumped up and sat at the computer and started reading, his eyes popped out of his head at what he saw. "NO...NO...NO NO NO WAY!!!! YAAAAAGH!!!!!" Kuwabara began running around the room flailing his arms.
"What the--" Koenma started then stepped forward, but Hiei pushed him aside and began reading. The fire apparation pretty near passed out when he saw what all the fuss was for. "You're kidding me..."
Kurama, Koenma, and Botan all had similar reactions and Yusuke smirked at their faces, "Ha ha! This was good for a laugh or two, so now you see why I called you here." The gang nodded like obedient children.
"Now!" he started again louder, "That isn't the only reason! These people are exploiting us and our personal lives! I mean, look at what they write about! And do we get any royalties? NOOOOO!!!! But that's not the real reason that I'm steamed! I've taken upon myself to read a few of these 'fanfics' as they call them and I was APPALLED at what I read!" Yusuke stated
dramatically.
"Say Koenma," Botan whispered to her boss, "How do you suppose Yusuke knows the word 'appalled'?"
"I don't know, Botan," the Jr god of Death answered, "From what I hear he skips school all the time."
All of a sudden, an angry Yusuke was right in front of them, "EXCUSE ME! Is there something that you'd like to share with the rest of us?!" They both shook their heads quickly.
"GOOD! Now, on with what I was saying!"
"Like it was important *snicker snicker*" Kuwabara knudged Kurama and they both began to laugh.
"FOR YOUR INFORMATION KUWABARA, IT IS IMPORTANT!!!!"
They all sweatdropped.
"Anyway, I've decided to show you what makes me so mad I could spit bullets. Check it out, I have a fic list here, let's see who stars in it. Ah here we are: Hiei, Hiei, Kurama, Hiei, Kurama, Kurama, Hiei, Hiei, Kurama, Hiei, Kurama, Hiei, Kurama, Kurama, Kurama, Hiei, Hiei, Kurama, Hiei, Hiei, Kurama...and finally: KURAMA/HIEI!!! As a couple!"
Kurama and Hiei looked at each other for a minute then looked away and shuddered. "Noooo..." Hiei muttered.
Kurama spoke up, "Not to say that you're not good looking, Hiei, but you're not my type, besides we're best friends. That and the fact that I'm straight."
"I fully agree." said Hiei.
(AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is not meant to offend anyone who writes yaoi Kurama/Hiei fics. Sure they make a cute couple, I am just not into yaoi, and therefore will never write it. Please don't flame me for having my own opinion, doing so will just make you look like a big baka. Thank you!)
Yusuke snickered, "You guys as a couple is just too darn funny! So, what is the problem in all of those Kurama fics and Hiei fics??? Well....did you hear me say any Yusuke fics? NO! And that is just an insult, ya hear me?! Stupid writers idolizing Kurama and Hiei!"
"What about me?" Koenma asked.
"Well, pacifier breath, you had fics too, I just wanted to show you how many Kurama and Hiei ones. In fact, there isn't a fic that stars me ANYWHERE! I always have to share the spotlight with YOU GUYS!"
"Don't you do that anyway, Urameshi?" Kuwabara questioned.
"Oh shut up! You just don't get it, do you? I'm tired of being underappreciated and ignored..SOMETHING HAS TO CHANGE! And I'm just the man to make it happen!"
"So, what do you plan to do?" asked Hiei.
"What do I plan to do? Ohhhhh you can't even imagine it! HA HA HA HA HA!!!" Yusuke continued on in hysterical laughter for a few minutes, whilst everyone else sweatdropped. When he was done he cleared his throat.
"THE PLAN! Is to 'kidnap' you and Kurama! The fanfic authors will hate the fact that I plan on torturing their beloved's! That's right! I think its time you two got a makeover...and I know just the girls to do it."
"Ooh Ooh MEEEE!!!!!" Botan raised her hand.
"Of course you, Botan, and my lovely girlfriend Keiko! Say Botan, do you know that some people have the gall to pair YOU and ME? And that's only when I get a tiny little part in the fic."
"OH MY GOSH!" Botan covered her mouth quickly, "What other fics do they have about me?"
"Well....some of them you're with Koenma, others Kurama, then some rare ones YOU'RE MARRIED TO HIEI AND HAVE KIDS! HAAAA HA HAAAA!!!! LIKE THAT WOULD HAPPEN!"
Hiei rolled his eyes.
"Sooooo I need Hiei and Kurama to pretend like I kidnapped them and am holding them hostage with death-threats to throw them to Botan and Keiko for horrendous makeovers. Whatta ya say guys?"
"I won't subject myself to such humiliating torture." Hiei objected flatly.
"I don't mind doing it." Kurama, ever the kind and faithful, answered, "Come on, Hiei, it'll be fun."
"No."
Yusuke laughed, "Ha ha! It's not like we're actually going to go through with that torture, man! It's just to get the author's to obey my every will!!!"
Kuwabara cleared his throat, "Hey Urameshi, why don't you take me hostage too!"
"Well um... I hate to say it Kuwabara," Yusuke began, "But if I 'kidnapped' you, probably nobody would care."
"WHAT?!!!!" (Author's note: I CARE! I CARE! I LOVE YOU KUWABARA!!!)
"Well ya see....they kind've like...bashing you...lots and lots. Ehehe *sweatdrop*"
Hiei smirked, "Well Yusuke, maybe they have more sense than you first thought."
"Take that back you shrimp!" Kuwabara yelled in his defense.
"In your dreams."
"As if I dream about you, Shorty!"
Yusuke chuckled, "According to this fic, Kuwabara, YOU DO!" he said gleefully guesturing at the screen, "HIEI/KUWABARA FICS! Even more rare than Botan/Hiei fics! See for yourselves..."
Hiei and Kuwabara cautiously approached the computer. Kuwabara read two lines and then shrieked with horror:
"MY EYES!!! IT BURNS! IT BURNS!!! Bad images...STTTOOOOP!!!"
"Oh My Yukina..." Hiei muttered and then passed out. (A/N: He was saying "Oh My Yukina" like someone would say "Oh My God".)
"HEY! YUKINA IS MINE, SHRIMP! Stay away!" yelled Kazuma, but it fell on deaf ears. Hiei was completely passed out so Kuwabara took the liberty to take a few pictures to remember the occasion. ;)
"Ohhhh Kuuuuwwwaaabaaaraaaa!" Yusuke drawled, "You're wrong again! According to this fic, Yukina and Hiei are lovers!!!"
"NOOOOOO!!!!!" he screamed and covered his ears, "TAKE IT BACK, TAKE IT BACK!!!!"
"HA HA HA!!! I think this might be even more fun than torturing the authors....NOT!!!! But it is good for some laughs and a whoooole lotta future blackmail material!"
There was mayhem for a few more minutes and then Yusuke clapped his hands together twice. "ALRIGHT PEOPLE! Enough already, it's not like any of this actually happened!"
Kuwabara looked up, "It's not?"
"Duh, you big idiot! That's why it's called fan-FICTION, cuz it ain't real!"
Hiei had awoken from his brief 'slumber' just then: "So Yusuke, if it isn't real then why do you care about it so much."
"Shut your face, Tri-Eye! It's not the fact whether it's real or not," Yusuke began, "It's the PRINCIPLE of it all! I'm the main character and I deserve more recognition!" He said and folded his arms and stuck his nose in the air.
"Haughty, aren't we." Koenma observed.
"Oh be quiet, toddler! Are you guys helping me or not?"
"YUSUKE! You need to show more respect to me, I'm your BOSS and FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME I'M NOT A TODDLER!"
All of a sudden George the Ogre appeared waving japanese fans, "All hail Lord Koenma!" he shouted and did a little jig, then as suddenly as he appeared, he was gone.
Koenma sweatdropped, "Well, that was weird."
"Yeah! And I'm sick of it! How come there aren't any people dancing around with fans hailing ME?!" Yusuke yelled as he pushed his thumb against his chest. The young boy began pacing again then snapped his fingers as his eyes lit up. "I've got it!"
"Oh no..." Botan trailed off as she rolled her eyes, "Here we go again..."
"Kuwabara, Call up Grandma, we're going to the TOKYO-DOME!!!!" Yusuke announced with a flair.
"Aye-aye, Moron." Kuwabara answered with a faux-salute.
A Few Hours Later:
"ATTENTION FANFICTION AUTHORS OF YU YU HAKUSHO!!!" Yusuke Urameshi's voice along with live footage of him was seen and heard blaring over loudscreens, in movie theaters, on TVs in stores, and on a giant blimp that flew over the Tokyo-Dome:
"IT'S ME, YUSUKE URAMESHI, STAR OF YU YU HAKUSHO! I DISCOVERED YOUR LITTLE MEDIAMINER.ORG WEBSITE AND WHAT I READ THERE ABOUT MY SHOW MADE ME REALLY MAD! NOBODY WRITES ANYTHING ABOUT ME AND I'M SICK AND TIRED OF IT! IF YOU EVER WANT TO SEE YOUR PRECIOUS LITTLE HIEI AND KURAMA ALIVE AGAIN, YOU'LL BE AT THE TOKYO-DOME WITHIN THE HOUR. BE THERE....OR THEY'LL BE DEAD!!!" he finished his announcement and started laughing maniacally, loud enough to bust anyone's eardrums.
After the ear-splitting announcement, the people sighed with relief, thinking that the loud Urameshi was done but a sound akin to nails on a chalkboard was heard seconds later as the microphone Yusuke was using reactivated:
"AND ANOTHER THING! BEFORE I KILL KURAMA AND HIEI I PLAN ON MAKING THEM INTO GIRLS! THAT'S RIGHT, KURAMA CAN BE GIRLIER THAN HE IS NOW! DON'T BELIEVE ME? WELL, LET'S JUST HOPE WE'LL NEVER HAVE TO FIND OUT. KEIKO AND BOTAN WILL BE CROSS-DRESSING THEM TO THE MAX UNLESS YOU SHOW UP. AND DON'T THINK THEY WON'T! BECAUSE THEY WILL, NOW GET OVER HERE BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!"
With another loud crackle, the microphone shut off and Yusuke's visage disappeared from all TVs, movie screens, and the blimp.
Yusuke let out a hearty laugh from his position in the Tokyo-dome, "Man, it sure does pay to have friends in the Spirit World!"
"Oh you'll pay alright, Yusuke!" Koenma shook his fist at the green-clad boy as he turned off the switches that allowed him to control the media.
"Man Koenma, don't you ever shut up? I told you this'll be great publicity for you! Maybe you'll meet a few of your own fans."
"Hmmm, that is true. Still, you owe me big time!"
"Sure sure, but this'll all be worth it, just you wait and see."
One hour after the announcement:
Thousands of crazy fan-girls of Kurama and Hiei poured into the Tokyo-dome in hordes. They believed Yusuke's threat, because they knew how he was, that crazed lunatic!
"I can't believe he's doing this." one girl said mournfully.
"Yeah!" another agreed, "It's no wonder we don't write fics about him. He's such a big jerk!"
The crowd hushed instantly as all of a sudden the Yu Yu Hakusho theme song screamed out of the large speakers on the stage at the Tokyo Dome, an irritated looking Koenma was seen running the sound board. There were fireworks blasting all over the place and a large neon sign with the Yu Yu Hakusho emblem came down from above. Then there was a smoke screen and a figure rose up from out of the stage wearing a very sparkly green outfit.
It was Yusuke, and he was holding a microphone. The music stopped abruptly as the noise from the crowd became a defeaning chorus of Boos and hisses.
Yusuke tapped the microphone twice, making everyone cover there ears. "Now now girls! That's no way to treat your host!" Yusuke announced to the crowd.
More Booing followed.
"THAT'S IT! KUWABARA!!! Bring them out...." his voice lowered at the end and a large scraping sound came from the stage as Kuwabara single-handled pushed a platform with Hiei and Kurama, gagged and bound in chairs, out for all to see.
There was a resounding gasp and Yusuke grinned broadly at their horror. "Yes that's right, little fan-girls! I have Hiei and Kurama!" he announced and continued, "But just to sweeten the deal, I'm adding THIS!" Yusuke pulled a lever next to him and the stage underneath Kurama and Hiei opened up revealing a pool of hungry piranas.
"HA HA HA!"
Girls began screaming again: "YOU CAN'T DO THIS YOU MANIAC! THAT'S MY KURAMA UP THERE!" an avid audience member protested.
The girl next to her pulled her hair and stomped on her foot, "YOUR KURAMA? HE'S MINE!!!!!!!!!"
"I don't care about that sissy, as long as my Hiei-chan is safe." one girl sighed.
"I DON'T THINK SO YOU HOOCHIE! HIEI IS MY MAN!!!!" screamed another girl.
s broke out all over the stadium as people argued over who was better, faster, stronger, cuter: Hiei or Kurama and who belonged to whom.
Yusuke laughed and laughed and laughed and Kuwabara joined him in his glee. Hiei rolled his eyes and Kurama looked a little bit scared up there.
"This is better than Jerry Springer, eh Kuwabara?"
"Totally Urameshi, totally!"
"SHUT UP YOU WENCHES!!!!!!!" Yusuke yelled into the microphone once he had had enough of their fighting, "That's not all I'm going to do to your little lovers up there! OH NO! Now where are my other assistants....BOTAAAAAN, KEEEEIKOOOO!!!!"
The very dressed up and ous duo came out just then waving glittery japanese fans. They had a short dance number then bowed to all the girls in the audience who promptly began yelling insults at Botan to stay away from Kurama and Hiei, and how stupid Keiko was for going out with Yusuke.
They just stuck their tongues out at the crowd while Yusuke fumed. "Ok, enough!!! Girls?" he guestured to them.
Botan produced a large makeup kit from behind her back and Keiko pulled a wardrobe dresser from off-stage into clear view then opened it to show the contents to the audience. George the Ogre had been appointed camera-man and he zoomed in a close-up on the sparkly and extremely girly outfits that Keiko had picked. Whatever he filmed showed up on the two large screens that were above the stage.
"So you see girls, I'm not just all talk! I WILL do what I promised unless you meet MY demands!"
Loud groaning was heard throughout the stadium.
"Good! Now...I'd like to introduce one very special lady, GENKAI!!!!"
Loud music played for her entrance and the elderly master did several flips from a platform higher on the stage down to where Yusuke was standing. She bowed to the audience and they actually bowed back because they respected GenKai, even if she was Yusuke's teacher.
Yusuke could barely hold back a laugh as he told them what came next, "Today is your unlucky day. You're going to find out just exactly what kind of training I had to suffer through when I trained with this old hag."
GenKai shot him a dirty look.
"Girls....WELCOME TO GRANDMA'S EVIL BOOTCAMP!" he yelled and flames shot up from the stage as a sinister grin crossed GenKai's face.
"Alright ladies, let's GO!" GenKai yelled at her new recruits as all around them three foot metal spikes shot out from the ground, "I want every one of you to meditate on that spike, ON YOUR INDEX FINGER!"
Shrieks of protest were heard and GenKai raised an eyebrow, "DO I HAVE TO COME OUT THERE AND SHOW YOU HOW IT'S DONE?!" her eyes flashed with anger and she raised a clenched fist.
Resounding moans were heard from the audience as they tried to comply with GenKai's wishes. (A/N: GENKAI ROCKS! She is one tough chica! I'm really glad they made Yusuke's teacher is a woman, and when he's all caring about her it's sooo sweet!)
Yusuke and Kuwabara sat back in some large reclining chairs on the stage with a huge popcorn tub and a large Coke each. Kuwabara stuffed his mouth full then chugged down some Coke. Yusuke leaned forward in anticipation and laughed every five seconds at the torture GenKai was putting them through.
Hiei struggled in his (they used a straight-jacket since they knew he could probably escape from ropes) and cursed the day he ever agreed to this stupid plan that was only meant to feed Yusuke's ego. Kurama shrugged under his ropes and watched the torture commence. (Gee, they're doing this all for me...and Hiei) Kurama thought (That's devotion for you.) a slight mist covered his eyes for a moment and Hiei thought (Give me a break, that weakling. I swear, if there weren't a pit of piranas down there, I'd be out of here.)
Kuwabara laughed loudly, spitting a mouthful of popcorn all over Yusuke as he watched the current events of the Tokyo-dome unfurl.
"YUCK!! Kuwabara, you idiot! This is my new suit!" Yusuke protested.
"Sorry, WimpaMeshi." Kuwabara said with a shrug.
For the next hour, GenKai put the girls through slightly less challenging versions of Yusuke's training. She may have been a hard and rough old woman, but she wasn't cruel! She had them doing calisthenics and then a sparring match between the Hiei fans and the Kurama fans went on for another hour.
"Oh yeah, now that's what I'm talking about!" Yusuke said as he saw two girls go at it for the 'love' of 'their' Kurama and Hiei.
"YUSUKE YOU JERK!" SLAP! he had been creamed by none other than the lovely Keiko and now sported a -mark. "Stop looking at those girls!"
"I wasn't looking at them like THAT, Keiko, honest! It's just entertaining, that's all!" he spouted in his defense, rubbing the sore spot on his cheek.
Suddenly there was an announcement:
"YOUR TRAINING IS COMPLETE!" GenKai bellowed and bowed to her 'students'.
Loud sighs of relief echoed throughout the dome and GenKai gave another glare. The girls whistled nonchalantly and then recited loudly and monotonously:
"THANK YOU MASTER GENKAI!"
"Hmm." she muttered in responsed then left the stage.
Yusuke stepped up to the mic again, "Well well, wasn't that just the most fun ever?!"
"NOOOO!!!!! BOOOO BOOOO HISSSSS!!!!!!" the audience replied.
"Alright already, ya spoil sports! This wouldn't even have to happen if you wrote fics about ME. NYAH!" he said as he stuck out his tongue. "And for my next act of tor---um I mean entertainment and fun! For your listening pleasure, heeeeereeeee's THE GREAT KAZUMA KUWABARA! Gah, I can't believe he made me say that!"
From offstage: "URAMESHI! YOU'RE RUINING MY ENTRANCE!"
Yusuke rolled his eyes and then guestured for Kuwabara to come out.
In a sparkly blue outfit Kuwabara made his entrance. He had a cape on and a top hat and cane. He bowed to the audience who in return shrieked in horror and covered their eyes.
"He's so...hideous...I can't look!" one girl yelled.
"GET THAT MONSTROSITY OFF STAGE!" another one chimed in.
"HEY YOU OUT THERE! PAY ATTENTION!!!!!!!" Kuwabara screamed, his face reddened by anger that people hated him so much. But not everyone hated him.
"THERE YOU ARE KUWA-CHAN!!!" A voice from offstage rang out and young woman ran out onstage. Let's call her Jessi ;) (A/N: BLATANT SELF-INSERTION! Jessi is my nickname; one of them anyway.) She had thick curly hair, green eyes and was wearing a purple ensemble. Her eyes turned to little hearts as she lunged herself at Kuwabara and hugged the life out of him.
"Jessi..." Kuwabara growled, "I'M TRYING TO PERFORM!"
Yusuke cleared his throat, "Who's this, Kuwabara?! And WHY AREN'T YOU SINGING!!!" he demanded.
"Uh...this is Jessi, she's well, a fangirl of mine. And she's been stalking me!"
"Yep!" Jessi agreed with another sweet look at Kuwabara, "He's so dreamy..." she trailed off and clapsed her hands together.
More insults were hurled from the crowd at poor Jessi, one of the few (AND THE PROUD!) Kuwabara fangirls.
Yusuke smacked his forehead, "Well I'll be darned. YOU'RE RUINING THE SHOW JESSI, NOW OFFSTAGE!"
A sickeningly sad pout crossed her face as she tried her best puppy-dog look on Yusuke. It didn't work on him. But it worked on Kuwabara.
"Uh hey, Urameshi, on second thought, Jessi will be performing with me."
Jessy's face lit up as she donned a purple top-hat and pulled a cane and cape (also purple) out of nowhere.
"Fine fine, I don't care, as long as it tortures the audience!" Urameshi said, throwing his hands in the air and muttering something to himself.
"YAY!"
"ON WITH THE SHOW!" Kuwabara announced as the Will Smith song "Just the Two of Us." began to play.
The two of them began doing very synchronized dance moves, a little tap-dancing here and there and then began singing the chorus together extremely off-key:
"Just the two of us..."
"We can make it if we try!"
"Just the two of us...."
"Just the two of us!"
"Juuustttt the twooooo of us..."
"Building castles in the sky!"
"Just two of us....."
"You and I!"
With a loud explosion of fireworks and some finishing dance moves, Kuwabara and Jessi completed their little song and were greeted by---you guessed it---BOOING AND HISSING! Surprised, huh? But they waved to the audience like they had done the greatest performance ever and then danced off the stage to that whacky ending music.
Yusuke clapped slowly and forcedly, as he hadn't enjoyed the show very much either. "Ok girls, it's intermission time! Don't forget to check out all the Yusuke-themed booths around the dome and sample some special snacks I made for you!" He snickered after the last part for he had created the most disgusting combintions he could think of for them to try. They are even too disgusting to mention here!
Kuwabara and Jessi were talking backstage; Kuwabara blushing slightly. Jessi said something about him liking Yukina in a mournful tone.
"Yukina who?" Kuwabara answered.
Jessi grinned and engulfed him in a big hug. (A/N: Yeah yeah I'll stop with my Kuwabara loveyness in a minute!) "You're too good for her, you know."
Kuwabara smiled broadly as he embraced her back. "So um...Jessi, do you wanna maybe hang out some time?" he asked.
"Anytime, Kuwa-chan, I'd love to!"
Yusuke butted in: "Ok, break it up love-birds, we have a show to do!"
The pair mumbled under their breaths about stupid Urameshi and Kuwabara went back to his duties, saying goodbye to Jessi who went to sit on the balcony and watch the rest of the 'show'.
AFTER INTERMISSION:
The girls who had tasted the food by dares or were actually stupid enough to try it, poured out the bathrooms still moaning while Yusuke laughed at their misery as they all returned to the front of the dome by the stage.
"Welcome back, ladies! I trust the snacks were tasty *wink wink*"
"Shut up, jerk!"
"YEAH WE HATE YOU EVEN MORE NOW!"
Yusuke frowned, "Come on now! Everyone knows I'm handsome and dashing and such a lovable guy!" he said as he closed his eyes and did a peace sign.
"I'D LIKE TO DASH YOU INTO A MILLION PIECES!"
"Hold your horses, you forget I'M holding the cards here, haha!" he said and guestured at the tied up Hiei and Kurama. The girl slumped back down dejectedly. As much as they hated Yusuke, they loved Kurama and Hiei that much more.
"It's time to watch MY HOME VIDEOS!!!" Yusuke announced. He guestured to Koenma at the sound board who rolled his eyes and flipped the switch and a large white screen came down on the stage. He pressed a few more buttons and George the Ogre projected the selected clips for the audience.
First, a tiny little Yusuke crossed the screen wearing nothing but a diaper. He was chasing after a ball and had a pacifier in his mouth.
Yusuke was appalled.
Koenma grinned broadly, "I TOLD YOU YOU'D PAY! WHO'S THE PACIFIER BREATH NOW? HUH HUH HUH?" The audience and Koenma burst into hysterical laughter at Yusuke's embarrassment as he turned five shades of red.
"NEXT CLIP!" he shouted.
The next clip showed 6-year-old Yusuke getting beat up by Keiko and her yelling at him. He had red slap marks all over his face and rubbed his cheeks.
"NEXT!"
Yusuke's mom was shown drinking two bottles of liquor at once while Yusuke sat on the sofa with his arms folded.
"AREN'T THERE ANY GOOD ONES IN HERE?!!! NEVERMIND!"
Offstage voice: "YEAH THE NEXT ONE!" Kuwabara chimed in, "It was the best one, of ME BEATING YOU UP, HA HA HA!"
"NOT FUNNY!!! That never happened and you know it :p"
"WANNA BET?" Kuwabara stormed on stage and did a faceoff with Yusuke.
"I'm gonna kick your sorry butt into that pirana pit!"
"I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY, DIAPER-BOY!"
"THAT'S IT!!!!!" Yusuke lunged at Kuwabara and they began beating the heck out of each other and ruined their new sparkly outfits.
"YUSUKE URAMESHI!!!!!!!" Keiko's voice broke a few of the onstage lights with it's caliper and the two boys stopped fighting instantly but folded their arms, backs to each other.
"Keiko, you punk, you ruined a perfectly good fight!" Yusuke complained.
"Yeah, I was winning!" Kuwabara quipped.
"Was not."
"Was too."
"Was NOT!"
"Was TOO!"
"WAS NOT!!!!!"
"WAS TOO TOO TOO!!!!!"
And it would've continued on in this fashion for several hours had not Botan given each boy a nice whack on the head with her trusty oar.
"Like I was saying..." Yusuke squeaked out, "On with the show! FOR MY FINAL ACT! I will torture Kurama and Hiei!"
Gasps resounded throughout the dome.
"UNLESS!"
The crowds leaned forward.
"YOU ALL SIGN THIS CONTRACT PROMISING TO WRITE FICS ABOUT ME!!!!" Yusuke belted out and laughed hysterically for the millionth time that day.
The girls were all in a daze, they couldn't believe it! They took a minute to ponder it over and one girl as spokesperson came up to the stage and announced: "We'll do it if you give us Hiei and Kurama!"
Yusuke looked from Kurama and Hiei and the crowd, then back again. "Well.....Ok!"
All three of Hiei's eyes widened as far as they could possibly go as he struggled to get free of the gag on his mouth. He succeeded and yelled out: "YUSUKE! THAT WASN'T PART OF OUR DEAL!"
"Ah who cares! This 'convention' was only for my benefit, remember? Just be glad I didn't sic the makeover Queens on you!"
"I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU YUSUKE!"
Kuwabara was extremely amused at this thought and for once was glad he only had a few fangirls to deal with. His eyes filled with mirth as he danced around the pirana pit mocking Hiei who growled and yelled death threats.
"GIRLS! STAND IN LINE YOUR CONTRACTS ARE WAITING!" Yusuke announced and pointed towards two tables that were set up. Koenma and George were in charge of the contracts while Yusuke supervised.
"That's right, sign sign sign!" he said enthusiastically as if he were making money off of their signatures.
"Here, here, here and here." Koenma pointed on the contract where to sign, "And date this, and initial here and here. And I'll need an X on this line. I also need a fingerprint. Make that two."
Yusuke rubbed his hands with glee, finally his revenge was complete! After every girl signed the 'I promise to write fics about Yusuke.' contract he made them raise their right hands and recite the "Oath of Yusuke".
"Repeat after me, girls:
On my honor, I will pay homage to the great, powerful, awesome, handsome, and dashing Yusuke Urameshi by writing more fics about him than about Hiei and Kurama. I promise to keep Yusuke in my heart forever because he is the greatest and deserves praise and recognition for his strength and noble deeds. In the name of all that is Spirit Detectivy I will keep this vow. Amen."
The girls grudgingly repeated Yusuke's ridiculous ego-inflating oath with much sarcasm.
"Alright, thanks for all your time and effort, you've been a great audience! Now, it's time I hold up my end of the deal."
Yusuke walked over and pulled the lever, securing the floor where the pirana pit was and then released Hiei and Kurama from their .
"I'm going to kill you now, Yusuke." Hiei announced.
Yusuke smirked and pointed behind him, "I think you've got bigger problems about now, Hiei."
The girls had evil gleams in their eyes as they spied their very sexy prey, Hiei and Kurama.
"I was going to give you a head-start on running but looks like that won't happen!" he said glancing again at the bishounen-thirsty audience.
Yusuke held his finger pointed to the sky and readied a spirit gun, "On your marks..."
The girls steadied themselves.
"Get set...."
Then got into better positions for running.
"GOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Yusuke finished with a large blast from his Spirit Gun as if it were the gun for starting a race.
"Good one, Urameshi!" Kuwabara said as he watched the hordes of girls chase Hiei and Kurama.
"I'M SWEAR YUSUKE YOU ARE GOING TO DIE!!!!" Hiei yelled.
"SOMEONE HELP ME!!!" the lucious Kurama screamed.
And so, Kurama and Hiei were chased for hours upon hours by the rabid fangirls that Yusuke lured to the Tokyo-dome.
Hiei is currently plotting his revenge.
Kurama is seeing a psychologist about the experience.
Yusuke is enjoying the fics he forced the girls to write by legal and binding contract. Yusuke's Revenge was sweet, yes indeed it was.
And finally, Kuwabara and Jessi lived happily ever after.
THE END
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How was that for insanity! Hehehe, I hope you all enjoyed this! And yes, I couldn't help myself, I love Kuwabara! Let me know what you thought, I appreciate all reviews. I LOVE YOU ALL! Ja matte ne, minna-san!
Written by: Jesscheaux
Disclaimer: I did not invent, nor do I own, Yu Yu Hakusho or any of the characters.
Author's notes: How many Yu Yu Hakusho fics do you see out there that actually star Yusuke? NEXT TO NONE! And he's the main character! Well, how about that? This fic is about Yusuke getting mad about this particular fact and plotting his revenge on all the fanfic writers. THIS IS NOT DIRECTED AT ANYONE, its just a funny way of seeing how Yusuke would react. Please do not be offended this, it was only written for amusement. Besides, you people just love bashing my Kuwabara and feel no remorse whatsoever!
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Yusuke Urameshi sat at his home computer after school surfing the web instead of doing his homework. Surprise surprise. Yusuke wouldn't really know what his homework was anyway, being that he skipped school quite frequently. On his adventure in cyberspace, the Spirit Detective just happened to find a site called "MediaMiner.org" and much to his amazement, our hero found stories about....THE SPIRIT DETECTIVES!!!!
Yusuke brushed his hair back from his face and stared at the computer screen in awe. "No...way...."
20 minutes later:
Yusuke was still sitting at the computer staring dumbly at the screen. He suddenly shook his head violently and picked up the phone.
*ring ring*
"Moshi Moshi!" answered a deep, scratchy voice on the other end.
"Kuwabara, it's me!" Yusuke screamed into the phone, "Get to my house ASAP!!!"
"Urameshi? But why?!"
"Don't ask, just DO!"
SLAM!
Yusuke hung up the phone, leaving a very confused Kazuma Kuwabara on the other end. Kuwabara shrugged and headed out for Yusuke's.
Similar occurrances happened all over town and soon the Spirit Detectives, Koenma, and Botan were gathered in Yusuke's
bedroom. Yusuke had his hands behind his back and was pacing in front of his computer.
Koenma was sucking his pacifier, looking extremely bored, Hiei was waiting most impatiently with a scowl on his face and the others looked at him eagerly awaiting what was so important.
Yusuke cleared his throat just then. "Ahem! Now, you're all probably wondering why in the world I called you here today."
Shouts of agreement were heard from the group and Hiei yelled: "Get on with it!"
"Alright alright, simmer down! Impatient...*cough cough* So ANYWAY! I found something today on the internet that will BLOW. YOUR. MINDS!"
"Yusuke!" Teen Koenma complained, "Can we just get on with this??? You're dragging it out on purpose!"
"Geez Koenma, such a whiny baby! Any more complaints?" he guestured to the rest of his audience.
Hiei spoke up again, not surprisingly, "Yusuke you imbecile, this is just prolonging our wait, TALK FOR REIKAI'S SAKE!"
"Uh yeah, well, words can't describe what I found today and you'll have to see it to believe it. Lady and Gentlemen, I give you....MEDIAMINER.ORG!" he guestured wildly at the computer and the entire group was soon flat on their faces.
"Oh Yusuke.." Botan muttered from her position on the floor disappointedly, "I thought we trained him well, Koenma."
"YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME!" Yusuke protested, "Seeing is believing, now SOMEBODY COME LOOK!"
"Alright already!" Kuwabara jumped up and sat at the computer and started reading, his eyes popped out of his head at what he saw. "NO...NO...NO NO NO WAY!!!! YAAAAAGH!!!!!" Kuwabara began running around the room flailing his arms.
"What the--" Koenma started then stepped forward, but Hiei pushed him aside and began reading. The fire apparation pretty near passed out when he saw what all the fuss was for. "You're kidding me..."
Kurama, Koenma, and Botan all had similar reactions and Yusuke smirked at their faces, "Ha ha! This was good for a laugh or two, so now you see why I called you here." The gang nodded like obedient children.
"Now!" he started again louder, "That isn't the only reason! These people are exploiting us and our personal lives! I mean, look at what they write about! And do we get any royalties? NOOOOO!!!! But that's not the real reason that I'm steamed! I've taken upon myself to read a few of these 'fanfics' as they call them and I was APPALLED at what I read!" Yusuke stated
dramatically.
"Say Koenma," Botan whispered to her boss, "How do you suppose Yusuke knows the word 'appalled'?"
"I don't know, Botan," the Jr god of Death answered, "From what I hear he skips school all the time."
All of a sudden, an angry Yusuke was right in front of them, "EXCUSE ME! Is there something that you'd like to share with the rest of us?!" They both shook their heads quickly.
"GOOD! Now, on with what I was saying!"
"Like it was important *snicker snicker*" Kuwabara knudged Kurama and they both began to laugh.
"FOR YOUR INFORMATION KUWABARA, IT IS IMPORTANT!!!!"
They all sweatdropped.
"Anyway, I've decided to show you what makes me so mad I could spit bullets. Check it out, I have a fic list here, let's see who stars in it. Ah here we are: Hiei, Hiei, Kurama, Hiei, Kurama, Kurama, Hiei, Hiei, Kurama, Hiei, Kurama, Hiei, Kurama, Kurama, Kurama, Hiei, Hiei, Kurama, Hiei, Hiei, Kurama...and finally: KURAMA/HIEI!!! As a couple!"
Kurama and Hiei looked at each other for a minute then looked away and shuddered. "Noooo..." Hiei muttered.
Kurama spoke up, "Not to say that you're not good looking, Hiei, but you're not my type, besides we're best friends. That and the fact that I'm straight."
"I fully agree." said Hiei.
(AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is not meant to offend anyone who writes yaoi Kurama/Hiei fics. Sure they make a cute couple, I am just not into yaoi, and therefore will never write it. Please don't flame me for having my own opinion, doing so will just make you look like a big baka. Thank you!)
Yusuke snickered, "You guys as a couple is just too darn funny! So, what is the problem in all of those Kurama fics and Hiei fics??? Well....did you hear me say any Yusuke fics? NO! And that is just an insult, ya hear me?! Stupid writers idolizing Kurama and Hiei!"
"What about me?" Koenma asked.
"Well, pacifier breath, you had fics too, I just wanted to show you how many Kurama and Hiei ones. In fact, there isn't a fic that stars me ANYWHERE! I always have to share the spotlight with YOU GUYS!"
"Don't you do that anyway, Urameshi?" Kuwabara questioned.
"Oh shut up! You just don't get it, do you? I'm tired of being underappreciated and ignored..SOMETHING HAS TO CHANGE! And I'm just the man to make it happen!"
"So, what do you plan to do?" asked Hiei.
"What do I plan to do? Ohhhhh you can't even imagine it! HA HA HA HA HA!!!" Yusuke continued on in hysterical laughter for a few minutes, whilst everyone else sweatdropped. When he was done he cleared his throat.
"THE PLAN! Is to 'kidnap' you and Kurama! The fanfic authors will hate the fact that I plan on torturing their beloved's! That's right! I think its time you two got a makeover...and I know just the girls to do it."
"Ooh Ooh MEEEE!!!!!" Botan raised her hand.
"Of course you, Botan, and my lovely girlfriend Keiko! Say Botan, do you know that some people have the gall to pair YOU and ME? And that's only when I get a tiny little part in the fic."
"OH MY GOSH!" Botan covered her mouth quickly, "What other fics do they have about me?"
"Well....some of them you're with Koenma, others Kurama, then some rare ones YOU'RE MARRIED TO HIEI AND HAVE KIDS! HAAAA HA HAAAA!!!! LIKE THAT WOULD HAPPEN!"
Hiei rolled his eyes.
"Sooooo I need Hiei and Kurama to pretend like I kidnapped them and am holding them hostage with death-threats to throw them to Botan and Keiko for horrendous makeovers. Whatta ya say guys?"
"I won't subject myself to such humiliating torture." Hiei objected flatly.
"I don't mind doing it." Kurama, ever the kind and faithful, answered, "Come on, Hiei, it'll be fun."
"No."
Yusuke laughed, "Ha ha! It's not like we're actually going to go through with that torture, man! It's just to get the author's to obey my every will!!!"
Kuwabara cleared his throat, "Hey Urameshi, why don't you take me hostage too!"
"Well um... I hate to say it Kuwabara," Yusuke began, "But if I 'kidnapped' you, probably nobody would care."
"WHAT?!!!!" (Author's note: I CARE! I CARE! I LOVE YOU KUWABARA!!!)
"Well ya see....they kind've like...bashing you...lots and lots. Ehehe *sweatdrop*"
Hiei smirked, "Well Yusuke, maybe they have more sense than you first thought."
"Take that back you shrimp!" Kuwabara yelled in his defense.
"In your dreams."
"As if I dream about you, Shorty!"
Yusuke chuckled, "According to this fic, Kuwabara, YOU DO!" he said gleefully guesturing at the screen, "HIEI/KUWABARA FICS! Even more rare than Botan/Hiei fics! See for yourselves..."
Hiei and Kuwabara cautiously approached the computer. Kuwabara read two lines and then shrieked with horror:
"MY EYES!!! IT BURNS! IT BURNS!!! Bad images...STTTOOOOP!!!"
"Oh My Yukina..." Hiei muttered and then passed out. (A/N: He was saying "Oh My Yukina" like someone would say "Oh My God".)
"HEY! YUKINA IS MINE, SHRIMP! Stay away!" yelled Kazuma, but it fell on deaf ears. Hiei was completely passed out so Kuwabara took the liberty to take a few pictures to remember the occasion. ;)
"Ohhhh Kuuuuwwwaaabaaaraaaa!" Yusuke drawled, "You're wrong again! According to this fic, Yukina and Hiei are lovers!!!"
"NOOOOOO!!!!!" he screamed and covered his ears, "TAKE IT BACK, TAKE IT BACK!!!!"
"HA HA HA!!! I think this might be even more fun than torturing the authors....NOT!!!! But it is good for some laughs and a whoooole lotta future blackmail material!"
There was mayhem for a few more minutes and then Yusuke clapped his hands together twice. "ALRIGHT PEOPLE! Enough already, it's not like any of this actually happened!"
Kuwabara looked up, "It's not?"
"Duh, you big idiot! That's why it's called fan-FICTION, cuz it ain't real!"
Hiei had awoken from his brief 'slumber' just then: "So Yusuke, if it isn't real then why do you care about it so much."
"Shut your face, Tri-Eye! It's not the fact whether it's real or not," Yusuke began, "It's the PRINCIPLE of it all! I'm the main character and I deserve more recognition!" He said and folded his arms and stuck his nose in the air.
"Haughty, aren't we." Koenma observed.
"Oh be quiet, toddler! Are you guys helping me or not?"
"YUSUKE! You need to show more respect to me, I'm your BOSS and FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME I'M NOT A TODDLER!"
All of a sudden George the Ogre appeared waving japanese fans, "All hail Lord Koenma!" he shouted and did a little jig, then as suddenly as he appeared, he was gone.
Koenma sweatdropped, "Well, that was weird."
"Yeah! And I'm sick of it! How come there aren't any people dancing around with fans hailing ME?!" Yusuke yelled as he pushed his thumb against his chest. The young boy began pacing again then snapped his fingers as his eyes lit up. "I've got it!"
"Oh no..." Botan trailed off as she rolled her eyes, "Here we go again..."
"Kuwabara, Call up Grandma, we're going to the TOKYO-DOME!!!!" Yusuke announced with a flair.
"Aye-aye, Moron." Kuwabara answered with a faux-salute.
A Few Hours Later:
"ATTENTION FANFICTION AUTHORS OF YU YU HAKUSHO!!!" Yusuke Urameshi's voice along with live footage of him was seen and heard blaring over loudscreens, in movie theaters, on TVs in stores, and on a giant blimp that flew over the Tokyo-Dome:
"IT'S ME, YUSUKE URAMESHI, STAR OF YU YU HAKUSHO! I DISCOVERED YOUR LITTLE MEDIAMINER.ORG WEBSITE AND WHAT I READ THERE ABOUT MY SHOW MADE ME REALLY MAD! NOBODY WRITES ANYTHING ABOUT ME AND I'M SICK AND TIRED OF IT! IF YOU EVER WANT TO SEE YOUR PRECIOUS LITTLE HIEI AND KURAMA ALIVE AGAIN, YOU'LL BE AT THE TOKYO-DOME WITHIN THE HOUR. BE THERE....OR THEY'LL BE DEAD!!!" he finished his announcement and started laughing maniacally, loud enough to bust anyone's eardrums.
After the ear-splitting announcement, the people sighed with relief, thinking that the loud Urameshi was done but a sound akin to nails on a chalkboard was heard seconds later as the microphone Yusuke was using reactivated:
"AND ANOTHER THING! BEFORE I KILL KURAMA AND HIEI I PLAN ON MAKING THEM INTO GIRLS! THAT'S RIGHT, KURAMA CAN BE GIRLIER THAN HE IS NOW! DON'T BELIEVE ME? WELL, LET'S JUST HOPE WE'LL NEVER HAVE TO FIND OUT. KEIKO AND BOTAN WILL BE CROSS-DRESSING THEM TO THE MAX UNLESS YOU SHOW UP. AND DON'T THINK THEY WON'T! BECAUSE THEY WILL, NOW GET OVER HERE BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!"
With another loud crackle, the microphone shut off and Yusuke's visage disappeared from all TVs, movie screens, and the blimp.
Yusuke let out a hearty laugh from his position in the Tokyo-dome, "Man, it sure does pay to have friends in the Spirit World!"
"Oh you'll pay alright, Yusuke!" Koenma shook his fist at the green-clad boy as he turned off the switches that allowed him to control the media.
"Man Koenma, don't you ever shut up? I told you this'll be great publicity for you! Maybe you'll meet a few of your own fans."
"Hmmm, that is true. Still, you owe me big time!"
"Sure sure, but this'll all be worth it, just you wait and see."
One hour after the announcement:
Thousands of crazy fan-girls of Kurama and Hiei poured into the Tokyo-dome in hordes. They believed Yusuke's threat, because they knew how he was, that crazed lunatic!
"I can't believe he's doing this." one girl said mournfully.
"Yeah!" another agreed, "It's no wonder we don't write fics about him. He's such a big jerk!"
The crowd hushed instantly as all of a sudden the Yu Yu Hakusho theme song screamed out of the large speakers on the stage at the Tokyo Dome, an irritated looking Koenma was seen running the sound board. There were fireworks blasting all over the place and a large neon sign with the Yu Yu Hakusho emblem came down from above. Then there was a smoke screen and a figure rose up from out of the stage wearing a very sparkly green outfit.
It was Yusuke, and he was holding a microphone. The music stopped abruptly as the noise from the crowd became a defeaning chorus of Boos and hisses.
Yusuke tapped the microphone twice, making everyone cover there ears. "Now now girls! That's no way to treat your host!" Yusuke announced to the crowd.
More Booing followed.
"THAT'S IT! KUWABARA!!! Bring them out...." his voice lowered at the end and a large scraping sound came from the stage as Kuwabara single-handled pushed a platform with Hiei and Kurama, gagged and bound in chairs, out for all to see.
There was a resounding gasp and Yusuke grinned broadly at their horror. "Yes that's right, little fan-girls! I have Hiei and Kurama!" he announced and continued, "But just to sweeten the deal, I'm adding THIS!" Yusuke pulled a lever next to him and the stage underneath Kurama and Hiei opened up revealing a pool of hungry piranas.
"HA HA HA!"
Girls began screaming again: "YOU CAN'T DO THIS YOU MANIAC! THAT'S MY KURAMA UP THERE!" an avid audience member protested.
The girl next to her pulled her hair and stomped on her foot, "YOUR KURAMA? HE'S MINE!!!!!!!!!"
"I don't care about that sissy, as long as my Hiei-chan is safe." one girl sighed.
"I DON'T THINK SO YOU HOOCHIE! HIEI IS MY MAN!!!!" screamed another girl.
s broke out all over the stadium as people argued over who was better, faster, stronger, cuter: Hiei or Kurama and who belonged to whom.
Yusuke laughed and laughed and laughed and Kuwabara joined him in his glee. Hiei rolled his eyes and Kurama looked a little bit scared up there.
"This is better than Jerry Springer, eh Kuwabara?"
"Totally Urameshi, totally!"
"SHUT UP YOU WENCHES!!!!!!!" Yusuke yelled into the microphone once he had had enough of their fighting, "That's not all I'm going to do to your little lovers up there! OH NO! Now where are my other assistants....BOTAAAAAN, KEEEEIKOOOO!!!!"
The very dressed up and ous duo came out just then waving glittery japanese fans. They had a short dance number then bowed to all the girls in the audience who promptly began yelling insults at Botan to stay away from Kurama and Hiei, and how stupid Keiko was for going out with Yusuke.
They just stuck their tongues out at the crowd while Yusuke fumed. "Ok, enough!!! Girls?" he guestured to them.
Botan produced a large makeup kit from behind her back and Keiko pulled a wardrobe dresser from off-stage into clear view then opened it to show the contents to the audience. George the Ogre had been appointed camera-man and he zoomed in a close-up on the sparkly and extremely girly outfits that Keiko had picked. Whatever he filmed showed up on the two large screens that were above the stage.
"So you see girls, I'm not just all talk! I WILL do what I promised unless you meet MY demands!"
Loud groaning was heard throughout the stadium.
"Good! Now...I'd like to introduce one very special lady, GENKAI!!!!"
Loud music played for her entrance and the elderly master did several flips from a platform higher on the stage down to where Yusuke was standing. She bowed to the audience and they actually bowed back because they respected GenKai, even if she was Yusuke's teacher.
Yusuke could barely hold back a laugh as he told them what came next, "Today is your unlucky day. You're going to find out just exactly what kind of training I had to suffer through when I trained with this old hag."
GenKai shot him a dirty look.
"Girls....WELCOME TO GRANDMA'S EVIL BOOTCAMP!" he yelled and flames shot up from the stage as a sinister grin crossed GenKai's face.
"Alright ladies, let's GO!" GenKai yelled at her new recruits as all around them three foot metal spikes shot out from the ground, "I want every one of you to meditate on that spike, ON YOUR INDEX FINGER!"
Shrieks of protest were heard and GenKai raised an eyebrow, "DO I HAVE TO COME OUT THERE AND SHOW YOU HOW IT'S DONE?!" her eyes flashed with anger and she raised a clenched fist.
Resounding moans were heard from the audience as they tried to comply with GenKai's wishes. (A/N: GENKAI ROCKS! She is one tough chica! I'm really glad they made Yusuke's teacher is a woman, and when he's all caring about her it's sooo sweet!)
Yusuke and Kuwabara sat back in some large reclining chairs on the stage with a huge popcorn tub and a large Coke each. Kuwabara stuffed his mouth full then chugged down some Coke. Yusuke leaned forward in anticipation and laughed every five seconds at the torture GenKai was putting them through.
Hiei struggled in his (they used a straight-jacket since they knew he could probably escape from ropes) and cursed the day he ever agreed to this stupid plan that was only meant to feed Yusuke's ego. Kurama shrugged under his ropes and watched the torture commence. (Gee, they're doing this all for me...and Hiei) Kurama thought (That's devotion for you.) a slight mist covered his eyes for a moment and Hiei thought (Give me a break, that weakling. I swear, if there weren't a pit of piranas down there, I'd be out of here.)
Kuwabara laughed loudly, spitting a mouthful of popcorn all over Yusuke as he watched the current events of the Tokyo-dome unfurl.
"YUCK!! Kuwabara, you idiot! This is my new suit!" Yusuke protested.
"Sorry, WimpaMeshi." Kuwabara said with a shrug.
For the next hour, GenKai put the girls through slightly less challenging versions of Yusuke's training. She may have been a hard and rough old woman, but she wasn't cruel! She had them doing calisthenics and then a sparring match between the Hiei fans and the Kurama fans went on for another hour.
"Oh yeah, now that's what I'm talking about!" Yusuke said as he saw two girls go at it for the 'love' of 'their' Kurama and Hiei.
"YUSUKE YOU JERK!" SLAP! he had been creamed by none other than the lovely Keiko and now sported a -mark. "Stop looking at those girls!"
"I wasn't looking at them like THAT, Keiko, honest! It's just entertaining, that's all!" he spouted in his defense, rubbing the sore spot on his cheek.
Suddenly there was an announcement:
"YOUR TRAINING IS COMPLETE!" GenKai bellowed and bowed to her 'students'.
Loud sighs of relief echoed throughout the dome and GenKai gave another glare. The girls whistled nonchalantly and then recited loudly and monotonously:
"THANK YOU MASTER GENKAI!"
"Hmm." she muttered in responsed then left the stage.
Yusuke stepped up to the mic again, "Well well, wasn't that just the most fun ever?!"
"NOOOO!!!!! BOOOO BOOOO HISSSSS!!!!!!" the audience replied.
"Alright already, ya spoil sports! This wouldn't even have to happen if you wrote fics about ME. NYAH!" he said as he stuck out his tongue. "And for my next act of tor---um I mean entertainment and fun! For your listening pleasure, heeeeereeeee's THE GREAT KAZUMA KUWABARA! Gah, I can't believe he made me say that!"
From offstage: "URAMESHI! YOU'RE RUINING MY ENTRANCE!"
Yusuke rolled his eyes and then guestured for Kuwabara to come out.
In a sparkly blue outfit Kuwabara made his entrance. He had a cape on and a top hat and cane. He bowed to the audience who in return shrieked in horror and covered their eyes.
"He's so...hideous...I can't look!" one girl yelled.
"GET THAT MONSTROSITY OFF STAGE!" another one chimed in.
"HEY YOU OUT THERE! PAY ATTENTION!!!!!!!" Kuwabara screamed, his face reddened by anger that people hated him so much. But not everyone hated him.
"THERE YOU ARE KUWA-CHAN!!!" A voice from offstage rang out and young woman ran out onstage. Let's call her Jessi ;) (A/N: BLATANT SELF-INSERTION! Jessi is my nickname; one of them anyway.) She had thick curly hair, green eyes and was wearing a purple ensemble. Her eyes turned to little hearts as she lunged herself at Kuwabara and hugged the life out of him.
"Jessi..." Kuwabara growled, "I'M TRYING TO PERFORM!"
Yusuke cleared his throat, "Who's this, Kuwabara?! And WHY AREN'T YOU SINGING!!!" he demanded.
"Uh...this is Jessi, she's well, a fangirl of mine. And she's been stalking me!"
"Yep!" Jessi agreed with another sweet look at Kuwabara, "He's so dreamy..." she trailed off and clapsed her hands together.
More insults were hurled from the crowd at poor Jessi, one of the few (AND THE PROUD!) Kuwabara fangirls.
Yusuke smacked his forehead, "Well I'll be darned. YOU'RE RUINING THE SHOW JESSI, NOW OFFSTAGE!"
A sickeningly sad pout crossed her face as she tried her best puppy-dog look on Yusuke. It didn't work on him. But it worked on Kuwabara.
"Uh hey, Urameshi, on second thought, Jessi will be performing with me."
Jessy's face lit up as she donned a purple top-hat and pulled a cane and cape (also purple) out of nowhere.
"Fine fine, I don't care, as long as it tortures the audience!" Urameshi said, throwing his hands in the air and muttering something to himself.
"YAY!"
"ON WITH THE SHOW!" Kuwabara announced as the Will Smith song "Just the Two of Us." began to play.
The two of them began doing very synchronized dance moves, a little tap-dancing here and there and then began singing the chorus together extremely off-key:
"Just the two of us..."
"We can make it if we try!"
"Just the two of us...."
"Just the two of us!"
"Juuustttt the twooooo of us..."
"Building castles in the sky!"
"Just two of us....."
"You and I!"
With a loud explosion of fireworks and some finishing dance moves, Kuwabara and Jessi completed their little song and were greeted by---you guessed it---BOOING AND HISSING! Surprised, huh? But they waved to the audience like they had done the greatest performance ever and then danced off the stage to that whacky ending music.
Yusuke clapped slowly and forcedly, as he hadn't enjoyed the show very much either. "Ok girls, it's intermission time! Don't forget to check out all the Yusuke-themed booths around the dome and sample some special snacks I made for you!" He snickered after the last part for he had created the most disgusting combintions he could think of for them to try. They are even too disgusting to mention here!
Kuwabara and Jessi were talking backstage; Kuwabara blushing slightly. Jessi said something about him liking Yukina in a mournful tone.
"Yukina who?" Kuwabara answered.
Jessi grinned and engulfed him in a big hug. (A/N: Yeah yeah I'll stop with my Kuwabara loveyness in a minute!) "You're too good for her, you know."
Kuwabara smiled broadly as he embraced her back. "So um...Jessi, do you wanna maybe hang out some time?" he asked.
"Anytime, Kuwa-chan, I'd love to!"
Yusuke butted in: "Ok, break it up love-birds, we have a show to do!"
The pair mumbled under their breaths about stupid Urameshi and Kuwabara went back to his duties, saying goodbye to Jessi who went to sit on the balcony and watch the rest of the 'show'.
AFTER INTERMISSION:
The girls who had tasted the food by dares or were actually stupid enough to try it, poured out the bathrooms still moaning while Yusuke laughed at their misery as they all returned to the front of the dome by the stage.
"Welcome back, ladies! I trust the snacks were tasty *wink wink*"
"Shut up, jerk!"
"YEAH WE HATE YOU EVEN MORE NOW!"
Yusuke frowned, "Come on now! Everyone knows I'm handsome and dashing and such a lovable guy!" he said as he closed his eyes and did a peace sign.
"I'D LIKE TO DASH YOU INTO A MILLION PIECES!"
"Hold your horses, you forget I'M holding the cards here, haha!" he said and guestured at the tied up Hiei and Kurama. The girl slumped back down dejectedly. As much as they hated Yusuke, they loved Kurama and Hiei that much more.
"It's time to watch MY HOME VIDEOS!!!" Yusuke announced. He guestured to Koenma at the sound board who rolled his eyes and flipped the switch and a large white screen came down on the stage. He pressed a few more buttons and George the Ogre projected the selected clips for the audience.
First, a tiny little Yusuke crossed the screen wearing nothing but a diaper. He was chasing after a ball and had a pacifier in his mouth.
Yusuke was appalled.
Koenma grinned broadly, "I TOLD YOU YOU'D PAY! WHO'S THE PACIFIER BREATH NOW? HUH HUH HUH?" The audience and Koenma burst into hysterical laughter at Yusuke's embarrassment as he turned five shades of red.
"NEXT CLIP!" he shouted.
The next clip showed 6-year-old Yusuke getting beat up by Keiko and her yelling at him. He had red slap marks all over his face and rubbed his cheeks.
"NEXT!"
Yusuke's mom was shown drinking two bottles of liquor at once while Yusuke sat on the sofa with his arms folded.
"AREN'T THERE ANY GOOD ONES IN HERE?!!! NEVERMIND!"
Offstage voice: "YEAH THE NEXT ONE!" Kuwabara chimed in, "It was the best one, of ME BEATING YOU UP, HA HA HA!"
"NOT FUNNY!!! That never happened and you know it :p"
"WANNA BET?" Kuwabara stormed on stage and did a faceoff with Yusuke.
"I'm gonna kick your sorry butt into that pirana pit!"
"I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY, DIAPER-BOY!"
"THAT'S IT!!!!!" Yusuke lunged at Kuwabara and they began beating the heck out of each other and ruined their new sparkly outfits.
"YUSUKE URAMESHI!!!!!!!" Keiko's voice broke a few of the onstage lights with it's caliper and the two boys stopped fighting instantly but folded their arms, backs to each other.
"Keiko, you punk, you ruined a perfectly good fight!" Yusuke complained.
"Yeah, I was winning!" Kuwabara quipped.
"Was not."
"Was too."
"Was NOT!"
"Was TOO!"
"WAS NOT!!!!!"
"WAS TOO TOO TOO!!!!!"
And it would've continued on in this fashion for several hours had not Botan given each boy a nice whack on the head with her trusty oar.
"Like I was saying..." Yusuke squeaked out, "On with the show! FOR MY FINAL ACT! I will torture Kurama and Hiei!"
Gasps resounded throughout the dome.
"UNLESS!"
The crowds leaned forward.
"YOU ALL SIGN THIS CONTRACT PROMISING TO WRITE FICS ABOUT ME!!!!" Yusuke belted out and laughed hysterically for the millionth time that day.
The girls were all in a daze, they couldn't believe it! They took a minute to ponder it over and one girl as spokesperson came up to the stage and announced: "We'll do it if you give us Hiei and Kurama!"
Yusuke looked from Kurama and Hiei and the crowd, then back again. "Well.....Ok!"
All three of Hiei's eyes widened as far as they could possibly go as he struggled to get free of the gag on his mouth. He succeeded and yelled out: "YUSUKE! THAT WASN'T PART OF OUR DEAL!"
"Ah who cares! This 'convention' was only for my benefit, remember? Just be glad I didn't sic the makeover Queens on you!"
"I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU YUSUKE!"
Kuwabara was extremely amused at this thought and for once was glad he only had a few fangirls to deal with. His eyes filled with mirth as he danced around the pirana pit mocking Hiei who growled and yelled death threats.
"GIRLS! STAND IN LINE YOUR CONTRACTS ARE WAITING!" Yusuke announced and pointed towards two tables that were set up. Koenma and George were in charge of the contracts while Yusuke supervised.
"That's right, sign sign sign!" he said enthusiastically as if he were making money off of their signatures.
"Here, here, here and here." Koenma pointed on the contract where to sign, "And date this, and initial here and here. And I'll need an X on this line. I also need a fingerprint. Make that two."
Yusuke rubbed his hands with glee, finally his revenge was complete! After every girl signed the 'I promise to write fics about Yusuke.' contract he made them raise their right hands and recite the "Oath of Yusuke".
"Repeat after me, girls:
On my honor, I will pay homage to the great, powerful, awesome, handsome, and dashing Yusuke Urameshi by writing more fics about him than about Hiei and Kurama. I promise to keep Yusuke in my heart forever because he is the greatest and deserves praise and recognition for his strength and noble deeds. In the name of all that is Spirit Detectivy I will keep this vow. Amen."
The girls grudgingly repeated Yusuke's ridiculous ego-inflating oath with much sarcasm.
"Alright, thanks for all your time and effort, you've been a great audience! Now, it's time I hold up my end of the deal."
Yusuke walked over and pulled the lever, securing the floor where the pirana pit was and then released Hiei and Kurama from their .
"I'm going to kill you now, Yusuke." Hiei announced.
Yusuke smirked and pointed behind him, "I think you've got bigger problems about now, Hiei."
The girls had evil gleams in their eyes as they spied their very sexy prey, Hiei and Kurama.
"I was going to give you a head-start on running but looks like that won't happen!" he said glancing again at the bishounen-thirsty audience.
Yusuke held his finger pointed to the sky and readied a spirit gun, "On your marks..."
The girls steadied themselves.
"Get set...."
Then got into better positions for running.
"GOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Yusuke finished with a large blast from his Spirit Gun as if it were the gun for starting a race.
"Good one, Urameshi!" Kuwabara said as he watched the hordes of girls chase Hiei and Kurama.
"I'M SWEAR YUSUKE YOU ARE GOING TO DIE!!!!" Hiei yelled.
"SOMEONE HELP ME!!!" the lucious Kurama screamed.
And so, Kurama and Hiei were chased for hours upon hours by the rabid fangirls that Yusuke lured to the Tokyo-dome.
Hiei is currently plotting his revenge.
Kurama is seeing a psychologist about the experience.
Yusuke is enjoying the fics he forced the girls to write by legal and binding contract. Yusuke's Revenge was sweet, yes indeed it was.
And finally, Kuwabara and Jessi lived happily ever after.
THE END
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How was that for insanity! Hehehe, I hope you all enjoyed this! And yes, I couldn't help myself, I love Kuwabara! Let me know what you thought, I appreciate all reviews. I LOVE YOU ALL! Ja matte ne, minna-san!