Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Yusuke Urameshi, Private Investigator ❯ Yusuke Urameshi, Private Investigator ( One-Shot )

Disclaimer: You know the drill but I'll say it again for any newbies. I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho (alas), none of the characters in this fiction belong to me. EXCEPT Hakuto, he's all mine so no getting grabby.

"Yusuke Urameshi, Private Investigator"

I was standing outside the police station debating if I should go in or not. Sure, I'd been ordered by Koema to go and get a license as a private investigator but since when did I do something just because Koema had ordered it? His logic was that as I was a spirit detective I was likely to cross paths with the local law enforcement so it would be handy to have a license even if I didn't really take human cases. He thinks he's cute when he puts on his Sam Spade impersonation and goes on about fronts and red herrings. And because the toddler thinks he's so damn brilliant I have to do the follow through. The thing is, I've been in this station before. And it wasn't for being a good Samaritan. But it has been several years now, and I've been a good little boy, more or less so I could enter with a clear conscious. Deciding I'd done enough loitering outside I walked in and gave the officer at the desk a cocky grin.

"I'm here to apply for a license as a private investigator."

The officer behind the desk was an old geezer who peered at me suspiciously through thick glasses. I know they say that the young always think anyone older them is ancient but this guy wasn't just old, he was geriatric. And in case you're wondering I'm nineteen. I'd finished high school, to the surprise of nearly all my teachers, but not even Keiko could get me into any colleges with my grades and that was fine by me. I'm not exactly the desk type anyway and to be completely honest I've always felt you should do what you are best at. In my case that's fighting and being a spirit detective. Since fighting for money doesn't lead to a long and healthy life I've chosen the detective gig as my profession. And though I'd never admit it to old pacifier breath, I like it a lot. Which is why I'm willing to spend an afternoon filling out paperwork and whatever crap they need me to do to get all official in the human world.

Gramps at this point had shuffled a bunch of papers, handed me a stack and pointed to a chair against the wall. Sighing I went over and slouched down using my knee to prop the clipboard. I was half way through the paperwork when there was a loud roar and a huge guy with his hands cuffed behind him came tearing into the waiting room. The old codger behind the desk gaped and fumbled for his gun but the guy beat him to it and butted him in the head knocking the idiot out cold. The brute in cuffs was busy trashing the waiting room when more officers ran in and tried to take him down. The entire scene was embarrassing and I could see the Head Inspector standing in his doorway pinching the bridge of his nose and scowling. Just my luck, it was the same inspector who had given me that `Only you have the ability to change your life and make something of yourself young man' speech all those years ago when I'd wound up in here for fighting. As another guy in blue flew across the room I decided I might as well help out. If I didn't, at this rate there wouldn't be any cops left to process my application.

I waited for a lull in the officer thrashing and then walked over and grabbed the guy's arm. He looked up in surprise but didn't get a chance to react before I'd punched him in the stomach. He sank down to his knees with a nice quiet `oof' and I patted him on the back.

"You stay there big fella and let these nice officers do their job. It'll save you from more pain in the future."

I stepped back and waved toward the remaining officers cowering against the wall.

"He's all yours gentlemen." One of the guys gave me a dirty look and grabbed the cuffed man roughly, hauling him to his feet. Shaking him, and throwing one last glare at me, he frog marched the cuffed giant out of the room. So much for gratitude, turning away I went back to my chair and finished my application.

I'd been waiting for about half an hour when my name was finally called.

"Urameshi Yusuke?"

I looked up from the airplane I'd been folding from a page of a magazine I'd ripped out. Gramps, behind the desk pointed toward the door behind him.

"Inspector Hakuto can see you now."

Grinning I made the last fold and threw the airplane into the air. It flew across the office and lodged itself in the old fart's hat.

Chuckling at the look on his face I headed over to Hakuto's door, "Thanks."

I knocked once and entered before waiting to hear anything. Hakuto was sitting behind his desk looking at my application and frowning. He'd put on weight since the last time I'd seen him but he still reminded me of a bulldog. He motioned towards a chair in front of his desk and I sat down, throwing one leg over the arm.

"So Inspector, been a long time." I gave him a fat smile and waited for his reaction. He narrowed his eyes at me, looked down at the application again, and then comprehension shone on his face.

"Urameshi!" He bellowed. I just grinned and waggled my fingers at him. It's always so nice to know you're remembered. The inspector was spluttering, his face changing red and purple by turns. "What the hell is this Urameshi? We thought you'd did us all a favor and died."

"News of my death has been greatly exaggerated," I told him dryly.

Well ok so I lied, but I wasn't about to explain to the guy that I'd been killed twice and brought back to life both times, then I'd have to go into details of the spirit world, demon world, my own demon ancestry, etc. etc. and pretty soon I'd find myself in a padded cell singing, `I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts'... No thanks; I like to keep things simple.

"So what is this?" He jabbed a finger down on the paperwork.

"An application?" I responded inanely.

"I know it's an application, why the hell am I looking at it?"

I raised an eyebrow at him, "Come on inspector, surely they've told you what the application is for!" I tsked and enjoyed watching Hakuto grind his teeth.

"I know what it is for Urameshi, I want to know why you think I should give you a license to prance around doing police work!"

"Why inspector, I'm crushed. It's all because of you really, I remember that wonderful lecture...er talk you gave me all those years ago." I batted my eyes and tried to look sincere and innocent. "I was so young and impressionable, you encouraged me to change my ways and become a model citizen. I sit before you now a reformed man, wanting nothing more than to give back to my community." I had my hands clasped together and had even managed to squeeze out a few tears.

Hakuto stared at me for a moment and then barked out a laugh. "Cut the crap Urameshi, the day you become a model citizen is the day I turn in my badge and become a granny."

I snickered, "Now sir, with a little rouge and some lipstick I think you'd make a lovely..."

"Shut up Urameshi."

I just sat there and smirked at him. He picked up the application and thumbed through it.

"Tell me this Urameshi, where have you been? A kid like you doesn't suddenly turn over a new leaf. You disappeared four years ago and now you suddenly turn up in my office, a pain in the ass all over again." He slammed a fist down on his desk. "I want answers!"

I studied him for a minute and then launched into my `cover story' as Koema is so incredibly fond of calling it. "I've been away, some old friends of my grandfathers found me and gave me work to do. Straightened me out some I guess. I've been hired as a detective for a company and so I thought I'd come in and get the license to make it legal and all for you irate pencil pushers."

The `company' was something Koema and Boton had put together, it was really nothing more than a complicated paper trail but Koema had decided I needed some kind of backer or the police would hassle me.

Hakuto glared at me for a moment longer, obviously trying to figure out if I was lying or not. Finally he growled and grabbed a stamp from his desk. Flipping open a page he slammed the stamp down and stood up.

"Ok Urameshi, I'll buy your story for now. You show up in two days for the rest of the application process, pass the test, and I'll give you the license."

"Test?" Nobody had said anything about a test.

"Yes, it's standard, so we know we aren't sending out someone who is going to get killed in two days. Mostly it's just a physical capabilities test."

Huh. I just shrugged though and headed out the door. "Fine I'll be there. See you later Inspector." Not turning around, I waved a hand and left.

The officer who'd given me the dirty look was waiting when I came out.

"So, Hakuto passed your application. I guess it's true the standards really are falling around here." He smirked and tapped my chest with his finger. "Well boy, we'll see you in two days then. Good luck, I'm sure you'll need it." Laughing he walked off. I just stared at his back silently. Hmmm, that one might need some watching, finally I just shook my head I left the station.

Later that day I complained to Koema for not telling me I was going to have to take a test but he only told me to stop acting like a baby. That's quite an insult coming from a two-foot toddler with a pacifier in his mouth. I stuck out my tongue and stomped off, figuring I might as well be as immature as I possibly could. He had a point though; if it was just a physical capabilities test then I had nothing to worry about. I hadn't spent months training with Genkai for nothing. Hakuto couldn't throw anything at me that Genkai hadn't already.

With these thoughts still in my mind I pushed through the doors to the testing area two days later. Another officer who looked like he'd be pushing up daisies any day greeted me. He directed me to a locker room and had me change into workout clothes. The testing area turned out to be a giant indoor obstacle course, the full deal with ropes and hurdles and walls. I looked over to my right and saw I had gathered quite an audience. The foul tempered officer from the other day smirked at me and held up a stopwatch.

"We're timing you pretty-boy, just so you know, you have to complete the course in under ten minutes or you fail."

I looked at the course again and snorted, ten minutes? I could have it done in less than five. I hadn't expected so many people to show up but I had wondered if gimp face would try anything nasty. Calling in a favor from Hiei, I'd talked him into coming with me this afternoon. He was standing against a wall looking bored but I could tell he was keeping on eye on the guy with the stopwatch. He nodded slightly to me and I grinned.

Walking over to the starting line I nodded towards grumpy.

"Just let me know when you want to me to go."

Another officer raised his arm and dropped it. "Ready...go!"

I took off and sprinted over to the first part of the obstacle course, the wall. I'm pretty sure you are supposed to jump about half way and then use the parts sticking out to scramble up and over. That seemed tedious so I leaped up, grabbed the top and easily flipped myself over. Next I took the monkey bars but instead of swinging from them individually, I grabbed the first one, flipped up and over so I was standing on top and ran across. Leaping from the end I caught the rope and scaled to the top. Running across the balance beam I came to the end, leapt in the air, flipped a couple times and landed. Taking off again I sprinted over the hurdles and made my way through the logs, weaving in and out, ducking and rolling when they got really low. Then the final dash to the finish mark and I stood there not even winded.

"Time?" The guy who'd dropped his arm looked over at grumpy who was staring at the stop watch and scowling.

"4 minutes 12 seconds..." he ground out. If looks could kill I would definitely have been a goner and I wondered why. Shaking my head I headed back toward the locker room to shower and change my clothes. I passed by Hiei on the way and he smirked without looking at me.

"You could have done that with your eyes closed and cut your speed in half."

I just shrugged, "Well I can only shock them so much you know." Hiei just shook his head and muttered something about stupid humans. Grinning I went back in.

Coming out after showering I heard the mutters of some of the officers who had been watching.

"Did you see that guy? He was so fast it was incredible."

"Do you think they'll care he didn't follow through everything?"

"You mean the wall and the monkey bars? I doubt it, why bother when he obviously can handle himself."

"Juro sure was pissed."

"Yeah, he's held the top record for the past two years, that new guy beat him by a whole three minutes. Talk about crushing."

Ahh, so that's why grumpy was so... well grumpy. Poor guy, ousted by a punk kid. Chuckling I came out and Hakuto himself met me. Nodding toward another door he handed me a pair of earplugs.

"What's this?" I asked astonished.

"The last part of the test. Didn't you know, you have to pass the gun proficiency exam as well." He raised an eyebrow at me.

Surprised I blurted out, "But I don't plan on carrying a gun." Who needed to? I had more firepower inside one finger than an entire arsenal of guns. I could see I was going to have to offer some sort of explanation however and my spirit gun wasn't high on my list of things to talk about.

"Umm I've found my fists work just as well..." I explained lamely.

Hakuto just shook his head. "That may be the case but you still have to take the test."

Sighing I walked past him and entered the room. Ah it was my old pal Juro again. Smirking he handed me a handgun and pointed around the room.

"Targets will pop up and you have to hit them. It's simple fly boy, think you can handle it?"

I just shrugged and popped in the earplugs. He scowled at me for a moment, obviously wanting to say something and then left. I could see Hiei and a group of other officers behind a protective glass against the wall. He tipped his head slightly toward the gun in my hand and shook his head. Huh, so Juro had thought to even the score a little. I raised an eyebrow questioningly and slightly cocked my thumb and finger as if I were shooting. He shook his head slightly and then tipped it towards me. So I was going to have to provide my own firepower. Well that wasn't going to be a problem. I just hoped they didn't look too closely for any bullets. Nodding once more at Hiei I turned around and faced the empty room before me.

The lights dimmed a little and then I held up the gun as if I was going to fire, keeping up appearances and all. When the targets popped up- all at once too- I think somebody must have tweaked that as well- I was ready. Making a fist I fired off my shotgun, directing the energy to hit the targets in the center. One shot, ten targets- nice and tidy. Turning around I popped out the earplugs and walked out. Hiei was standing behind Juro and I headed over. Holding up the gun as if I was going to fire it I pointed it at Juro and aimed. Pulling back the trigger I let it click.

"Bang."

Popping open the barrel I looked inside.

"Huh, will you look at that? No bullets." Juro turned white and I tossed the gun to him.

"Well I must have used them all up. Lucky you." Grinning nastily I brushed past him and headed back to the outer office. I could hear the other officers rushing out from the room waving the targets.

"He shot them all! Look at this every one, dead center."

"I thought Juro took the bullets ou....."

"Shhh, guess he changed his mind."

Still grinning I waited for Hakuto to finish my paperwork and give me my license. Let Juro wonder how I managed to shoot all ten targets without any bullets. It would drive him crazy and keep him on edge.

Finally Hakuto handed me my license and shook his head. "I hope I know what I'm doing Urameshi. I have a feeling I'm letting the devil loose from his cage."

I grinned and gave him a mock salute. "My goodness such flattery, if I didn't know better, Inspector, I'd think you were beginning to like me." Turning I walked out the door, Hiei was waiting on the steps for me.

"Thanks for coming Hiei."

"Hn."

I grinned and looked over at the stone-faced demon beside me. He glanced over at me and then chuckled a little.

"And people think I'm nasty. You scared the crap out of him." Laughing out loud he shook his head. "He's going to spend the rest of his life wondering how you shot those targets and if you knew he'd taken the bullets." Still chuckling quietly to himself he took off back to the Makai. I kicked a rock as I walked back to my place. So I was officially a detective in every plane of existence. What a weird way to make a living. Sending the rock flying across the street, I turned in at my building and headed upstairs to call Koema.