| "You Brought Me Back Again" Reviews/Comments [ 49 ] |
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Reviewed By: Ayamai [MediaMiner Member] On: June 09, 2005 12:38 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 4 of 10
Comment/Review:
Ok, I told you that I would review this for you at the very least, and after only going a few pharagraphs, I can see some major problems. The beginning of a story is critial. If I find too many gramatical errors in the first half page, I go on to a different story, and won't bother to ever come back. No offence, but you asked for my opinoin and I will give it: this is one of those stories that I would've skipped right over. So you really should revise that first chapter. Your very fist sentance is a run-on and a fraction. You do not have a subject or a verb in the sentance, henceforth it is a fraction, and you have no commas or contractions holding it together, therefor making it a run-on. It's just a bunch of prepositions strung together. When you have dialog, you do not need to start a new pharagraph every time. The only times you should start a new pharagraph is when a different person starts talking, or if the same person is talking, it is a long speech, and they change topics. I can not comment on your orginality or characters because I didn't go much further. I didn't see any spelling errors, but you do need to really work on your grammar. Try reading your stories outloud, or have someone else read them out loud to you, and you will hear a lot of your mistakes. When you read the stories out-loud, at those natural pauses, there should be a comma. You don't want your readers to have to reread the same sentence to figure out what it means.
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Reviewed By: Ayamai [MediaMiner Member] On: June 09, 2005 12:24 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 4 of 10
Comment/Review:
Ok, I told you that I would review this for you at the very least, and after only going a few pharagraphs, I can see some major problems. The beginning of a story is critial. If I find too many gramatical errors in the first half page, I go on to a different story, and won't bother to ever come back. No offence, but you asked for my opinoin and I will give it: this is one of those stories that I would've skipped right over. So you really should revise that first chapter. Your very fist sentance is a run-on and a fraction. You do not have a subject or a verb in the sentance, henceforth it is a fraction, and you have no commas or contractions holding it together, therefor making it a run-on. It's just a bunch of prepositions strung together. When you have dialog, you do not need to start a new pharagraph every time. The only times you should start a new pharagraph is when a different person starts talking, or if the same person is talking, it is a long speech, and they change topics. I can not comment on your orginality or characters because I didn't go much further. I didn't see any spelling errors, but you do need to really work on your grammar. Try reading your stories outloud, or have someone else read them out loud to you, and you will hear a lot of your mistakes. When you read the stories out-loud, at those natural pauses, there should be a comma. You don't want your readers to have to reread the same sentence to figure out what it means.
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Reviewed By: phalon22 (nsi) On: June 08, 2005 20:32 CDT
Comment/Review:
Okay this I have to say is a wowsers of a story. You've got a concept I've never even considered before and I love how you're just bringing all the characters together. I am not shocked Miroku & Sango are Kagome's best friends. I like the Kelly character you have and was shocked she's Rin! I thought it was the eight year old. I can't wait to see what you will come up with next!
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Reviewed By: Washuu Ogami On: March 12, 2005 07:20 CST
Comment/Review:
OooooOOO!! :) ::claps hands together in glee:: A new chapter! Ohhhh,but what a cliffhanger--"a plan"?! What plan?? I'd enjoyed how you'd involved Kagome's old school; certainly Inu would have semi-fond memories of trailing her w/her forgotten bento box lunch, the culture festival (higher eps)...! :) Is Souta now attending this? BTW, ;) re: the Jackson reference; that alone gives the readers an excellent idea of the timeline, since you'd specified the PJ's-in-court incident. And that Kelley is Rin's reincarnation? They're protective of each other to boot--I like how you'd woven that original mutual protection in...and yeah, I don't think Naraku's that easily defeated either. For him to be re-incarnated though, or he'd never quite died? How can the gang finally blast his soul into oblivion, or is that a task for his and Sesshomaru's chichi-ue, papa no inutaisho?
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Reviewed By: Washuu Hanyou [MediaMiner Member] On: March 11, 2005 22:45 CST
Comment/Review:
Hope your Inuyasha muse returns to reignite this story. Please do consider updating soon, for your readers have travelled this far w/the characters ;); dropping this story permanently is tantamount to tossing your readers into a chasm.
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Title: jade_pendant
Reviewed By: jade_pendant [MediaMiner Member] On: October 29, 2004 22:31 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
damn girl where'd u learn to write such good stuff?! i think it gave me a touch of envy:) keep then chaps comin k:P -your other friend jenn
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Reviewed By: essie [MediaMiner Member] On: October 25, 2004 23:27 CDT
Comment/Review:
see see school do kill you if you go to them please update soon
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Reviewed By: essie [MediaMiner Member] On: October 11, 2004 20:42 CDT
Comment/Review:
yeah what do you think of her please update soon
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Reviewed By: essie [MediaMiner Member] On: August 26, 2004 10:11 CDT
Comment/Review:
this is great fanfic please update soon
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Reviewed By: pagan_sedjou [MediaMiner Member] On: June 16, 2004 18:50 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 5 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I was waiting for that three letter word.... I really like this story! It's a cool concept. But I must say, my dear, that my inner Grammar Nazi cringes! Good thing I can override that little section of my brain. This is a kickass story. I really like it. I don't review very often, and I don't give tens very much. I can't wait for the next update! ~pagan_sedjou
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Reviewed By: essie [MediaMiner Member] On: June 16, 2004 00:53 CDT
Comment/Review:
this is a great story please update soon
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Reviewed By: shippou_girl [MediaMiner Member] On: May 31, 2004 12:04 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Yes, finaly, InuYasha got sat. This fic is great. Please up date soon.
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Reviewed By: RavenShadow [MediaMiner Member] On: May 10, 2004 00:44 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
This is a great new twist to the tale of InuYasha and Kagome. I really love it so far. I can't wait for the chapter! So update soon, PLEASEEEEEE!
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Reviewed By: essie [MediaMiner Member] On: May 09, 2004 21:47 CDT
Comment/Review:
this is great plesae update soon
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Reviewed By: essie [MediaMiner Member] On: April 12, 2004 19:54 CDT
Comment/Review:
this is an all time best for me great story please update soon I love this story
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