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| "Love, What About It?" Reviews/Comments [ 4 ] | Title: ^.^
Reviewed By: InuGal666 [MediaMiner Member] On: August 15, 2005 16:09 CDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
I LOVE IT!!!! Can't wait to read more.. and more.. and MORE!! MAUHAHHAHAH.. ;) great story!!
| Title: FFRG-Chapter 2
Reviewed By: Kellen [MediaMiner Member] On: May 26, 2005 16:41 CDT
Comment/Review:
Hello and thanks for submitting to FFRG. First of all, I think it's pretty cool that you've got Grandpa actually knowing and doing something useful. He may be a crazy old man, but he's still well-versed in the legend of the shrine, and having an heirloom like the ring does make sense. As for the story, I have one minor thing with characterization: it's well established in the series that Kagome actually thinks she loves InuYasha. Unless this is set in the very early episodes of the show, then having her think to herself that she doesn't love him may throw a few readers off. However, that is just a personal nit-pick of mine. Technically and mechanically, you have a few problems. I notice you tend to mix up "its" and "it's" as well as having sentences run together. Running this by a beta-reader for a grammar check would be ideal (See the "I Need a Beta" thread in the forums.) There are places where you have a comma where there should be either a semi-colon or a period and a new sentence altogether. Also, don't forget that each time a new person speaks, it's a new paragraph. The conversation between Kagome and Grandpa, for example, should be broken up into three paragraphs. There seems to be a bit lacking in the descriptions. For example in the sentence where Kagome holds InuYasha "close (still on the tree)" needs to be changed. Perhaps something like "Kagome held him as close as the arrow pinning him to the tree would allow" would work so much better than a random note in paren | Reviewed By: Taeniaea [MediaMiner Member] On: May 17, 2005 11:21 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I Love The Chapter:5 Plz Plz Update It Soon!!
| Title: FFARG review
Reviewed By: devildice708 [MediaMiner Member] On: May 12, 2005 19:13 CDT
Comment/Review:
Thanks for submitting this to FFARG. Now please forgive me if I sound rude in parts of this, but i have to say that you may need to brush up on your Inuyasha knowledge. Your writing style does show that you have potential, don't get me wrong, but most of the characters were out-of-character or OOC. Naraku said 'posse'...that's more of a word that Kagome's generation would use, plus it really doesn't fit in with Naraku's dialouge, you know. Plus, I really don't think that Sango would openly call inuyasha and Shippou "dolts". That's also a word Kagome's generation uses and doesn't mix right with Sango's outdated vocabulary. Also, on words like this--SHUT UP-- try using italics, it'll look more professional. This...(A/N the kitchen...) it'd be a good idea not to use that. It threw me off from the story's flow and will most likely throw the other readers. Just clean it up a little, add some more description and give deeper characterzations and this will be a high-caliber story.
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