|Last Visited On:||Mar. 18th, 2010, 10:53:47, PDT|
|Registered On:||June 06, 2006|
|Biography:||You should be warned before reading on that you are about to read the best profile ever. I will even write it in awesome format, which means I will provide a table of contents so you can read only that which interests you, namely: Everything. I'm just playing. It should be noted that the majority of this profile is just for fun, and so that those who read it can get a feel for who I am. But all that I say about me is true, so you'll still get the goods. Here it comes:|
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A) Me. Nothing but the facts. Why? Because if I gave you anything that wasn't a fact that would make me a liar, and to effectively rock, you can't be a liar.
B) Stuff that rocks, and everyone should like. Those who are socially confused, namely Emo people, should refer here to get their lives back on track. Knowing what to like is very important, and I make it easy by telling you.
C) Things you SHOULD do, and things you SHOULD NOT (More to be added at some point). My sound advice will help you go far in life, and maybe even save you from castration at the hands of a mistake. Ah, who am I kidding? My advice WILL save you from becoming a Eunuch.
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-----A) My name is Andrew McLean. I am 18-years-old, and have been writing since I was 13. Don't worry, though, I'm not one of those people who started writing during their teenage years because I couldn't cope with the pressures and changes during said time frame. I can't write poetry, and feel masculine for it. Though, I am sure, there are times when such a skill would be very useful in life. When? If you have to ask, then you do not need to know.
I am 5'7, weigh somewhere in-between 140 and 150 lbs., have brown hair and blue eyes, and am good with kids. You may be thinking to yourself, how can someone who can't write poetry be good with kids? Well, it's a stereotype that only women and effeminate men can be good with kids. I'll have you know that it only took me 45 minutes to change a diaper, earlier today. I only got hit with one misfired nugget, too. .....What makes the previous statement sad is that it is true. But in all seriousness, kids like me. I'm damn good with babies, too. It's as though there is no such thing as 'crying' when a baby is in my arms. I'm just that good.
I am currently in my second year of college, but for all my gold-digging ladies out there, it's a community college so you can stop drooling. Once my second year wraps up, I believe I will be transferring out to Antioch. By the way, since I haven't said it yet, I live in Ohio, America.
-----B) Things that I like are things that everyone should like. If that sounds incredibly pompous of me, you'll have to excuse it as your own inability to accept my correctness. Alright, I'm just joking. I can accept other people's views and likes, I just like to talk like that. Here are some things that rock, distributed into individual categories:
1. Music - Audioslave is the greatest current band in my opinion, which means they must be the greatest current band. Easily able to claim over twenty songs that I will forever love from this one band, they blow every other band away. Goo Goo Dolls are another good band, with over ten memorable songs. Queen has a good deal of greatness, too. But don't think that I am restricted to only this kind of music. I also like rap. 50 Cent is pretty solid, Bossman is good, too. A little bit of orchestral goodness now and then does my heart good, too. I'll even listen to SOME foreign music. I may not understand it, but I can appreciate it for the talent and rhythm. Any REAL man can appreciate something for its beauty without being emasculated by it. The same goes for art. So long as you appreciate it in moderation, you're good to go. The only kind of music I can't stand is country music. Never did care for it. If it's anything at all like an old relationship, then, that means it cares for me like hell.
2. Sports - I love games. I love competition. I love rising to a challenge. Basketball is the sport of kings, as only the best of the best can partake in the ultimate goodness of the NBA. In the MLB, you've got old guys standing around in a field. Unless, of course, there's the off chance that someone will eventually swing that stick into that ball and then movement will occur. By the time this happens, though, I have already made myself dinner, done my taxes, washed and folded a load of laundry by hand, and taught myself a little bit of Tae-Kwon-Do as I listen to my fly Audioslave 'Revelations' cd. Time well spent running up my electricity bill, no?
The NFL is passable, but you'd be better off watching the highlights on Sportscenter, or something. Save yourself two and a half hours by watching the three minutes worth of interesting plays on the highlight reel. Done and done. NHL? Also passable, but the same rule for the NFL applies. MLS? What the hell is that? Oh! The Major League Soccer thing. No thanks, I'd rather go cut a lawn that huge soaked in honey in the middle of a killer bee epidemic. Or just go play soccer. Yeah, that sounds better. But the NBA? No, the NBA is worth watching. You have some real athletes out there, running and jumping more than in any other sport. Well, sure, the soccer players run more, I'll give them that. But getting on the basketball court and showing people how it's done in the street is how games should be played. I'm 5'7. How do you think the 6'1 guy felt when I went up and slammed the ball back down on him? Not good enough to try the same move twice.
3. Video Games - If you don't play video games in this day and age there are a few things that could be said for you: 1. You have a social life. 2. You're behind, catch up! 3. Some other generic thing that could be said of you. Video games started my writing up, and have been a big part in my becoming who I am, today. Sound stupid? Think of it this way: What has affected YOU as you grew up, or even do so now? The stories that we are exposed to help to define us, and the same can be said for video games. Squall, from Final Fantasy 8, was the very first bad-ass that I was ever exposed to. Coincidentally, I started writing after beating that game, my opinion of a cool person forever changed.
-----C) Ah, now we reach a category that is designed to help you become a better person. Reading this profile is already helping you to do that, but it has mostly been about me, up to this point. Here are some things you SHOULD do, and their opposites, which you should refrain from doing:
1. You just took a girl out on a successful first date, and you're walking her to her door. .....Half of the people reading this just went 'What the hell? No one does that, anymore you idiot!' Yeah? Well that's why she's gonna dump your sorry ass. Now, where was I? You're walking her to her door, and she stops you at the porch/stoop/step, whatever she has, to tell you she had a good time. You reply in a nonchalant manner, telling her that you reciprocate said sentiments. .....That means you say 'Yeah, me too', in a cool guy manner, or something similar. She leans in a little bit, and you think 'Oh man, a kiss! Sweet!'. Or, at least, that's what you SHOULD be thinking. Here are the various things that you may do at this point, consequences included:
Action A) Immediately ask her if you can come in and check her pipes, or any other of countless stupid lines. Not only will she slap you and slam the door in your face, but I will run you over with my car for being so stupid. It was your first date, for God's sake. This option isn't even that; An option. DO NOT choose this course of action.
Action B) Lean in to the kiss, and get that little peck. And hold it.....hold it.....hold it.....realize that she's trying to pull away, and that you are literally holding it. The 'it' being her. After a few minutes of her pounding on your chest to let go, you will need to stop for air, at which point she will quickly lock herself in her house and call the police. Within the week, you will find that she has a restraining order against you. Time to call for that second date! DO NOT choose this course of action. The 'thank you' kiss is meant as just that, a quick thank you. Don't take it for more than that, as holding it for too long is creepy and very unmanly.
Action C) Give her a little kiss, making sure that she knows you had a good time, and would like to go out again sometime. Calmly walk down her driveway or whatever else she may have, careful not to look over your shoulder at her. You MUST play it cool and nonchalant, which makes you seem all the better. If done properly, not only will the girl watch you walk back to your car, but she will be amazed as a slight breeze will pick up, making you look like a complete bad-ass as your hair and whatever loose clothing you may be wearing are affected. Only the most composed and cool of men may pull this move off with any success, and it is not a skill I can teach, unfortunately. Walk around your car from the back, and as you open your door, flash her a warm, little smile, just to polish things off. You'll have a message waiting for you on your machine when you get home. This is the action you SHOULD choose.
Well, that should be enough. I now have the longest profile here. I mean, hey, donít I deserve it? No? If you think not, then go back to the start and read it again, because you obviously missed something. See you guys around.....