MediaMiner.org - Member Profile

User Profile Fanart

User Name:	DistantCompany
Name/Nick:	Reako
Last Visited On:	Jun. 09th, 2005, 14:39:54, PDT
Registered On:	July 07, 2004
Email:
Homepage:	n/a
ICQ Number:	n/a
Yahoo Handle:	n/a
AIM Handle:	n/a
Biography:	[-- Story Progress --] BITTER ENDINGS: HIEIxYOU Sorrow. Kindness. Loss. Friendship. Hurt. Isolation. Love. Heartbreak. The Search. It's all so much and you're just so tired, but they won't let you ignore them. None of them. They care, and for some reason, so do you. Nothing that you experienced could ever prepare you for this, though. The enemy. The trials. The journey. Hiei. You never saw it coming, and your end is approaching fast. So answer me this. Will you fix what has happened and push to your limit for your end to be serene? Or will you give in, let everything go, and surrender to a bitter ending? Not you. Not now. Not again. (My only fic here so far. Others are at ff.net. Ok, I know what you're thinking. Another Mary Sue story, right? It's not. Grant that the first 2 chapters are rocky and kinda boring, the story picks up. Great twists involved, I assure you. 5 chapters up so far. 6th chapter in the future. Give it a read and drop a review.) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -Live(or dead) Journal- ()Yeah, I know. I only have one story up here at mediaminer so far. I have more on ff.net that are quite popular. I don't dare post one of my Hiei/Botan stories here YET, for fear of what Hiei fangirls will do to me. I'll have them up soon enouth, though. ~DistantCompany /8-14-04/~ ()There were other things I had posted here, but in the past week or so, I've had dramatic changes dawn on me. My views on life and other things have been twisted around so badly that it's beginning to pain me on the inside. I'm confused, hurt, regretful, and hysterical. Lately, my mind has been a whirlwind of one thought after another. I find that I'm faking things like emotions and attitudes around friends and family. I feel hopeless and pathetic, to say the most. Like I'm failing to stay on the standards of my own self image. It's not one of those fake things people say to get attention. I'm not depressed, I know that. I'm not going insane, either. There's an explanation to why I'm feeling like this, I know there is. I just can't figure out just what it is, though. From all my years of living, my life has been built on the stability and happiness of my mind. Things that have upset me I had twisted around in my head so that they didn't seem so bad. It took the edge off things and for the most part, things that would have normally pained me.....haven't affected me at all. When I found something I liked, I lived it to the fullest, only to find that that thing I had become parcel to was fake, a distortion in my mind. Never to really give me the physical, mental, and spiritual stimulation I needed. So that thing would pass on and I'd move to the next, only to have history repeat itself. Every time it happened, it became more painful, slowly wearing away at my soul. When I had something to enjoy, I would be in bliss for weeks at a time, nothing would tear me out of it. Then something would happen........a slip of someone's tongue, a sentence written down. Someone, anyone's different point of view, and in a flash...........the thing I had liked for such a long period of time.....seemed pointless. It had no value, no meaning, no reason for me to give a Damn anymore. And so I'd give it up, just to find another thing to give me an adreniline rush for a few more weeks. All of that torture had finally stopped and I had found something in reality to care about, or so it seemed. For the past three years of my life everything was going fine. Things just seemed to be getting better. Then the day came when I came across something, something that shook the stable sense of mind I had to its very core. I had read something. Where it was, I can't even remember any more. I had read it and it had taken the past three years of my living into a new light. A dark light. I had tried to ignore it, but it kept reentering my mind when I least expected it. In the early hours of morning. It bothered me so much to the point of pain, I couldn't bare it any more and I blocked it out of my mind. Then, as the days went by, I began reading more and more things like the first. All of them tampering with my life's work. What I read wasn't about what was going on in the world today. It wasn't in newspapers or other places that told of the stories that happened everyday across the country. What I read wasn't even a thing that was commonly real. It wasn't some strange kind of made up story, either. Infact, it was one of those rare things that balanced on the thin line of reality and fantasy. It was the cold harsh truth. The words of realization. All of it telling me what I had been living for during the past three years was nothing more then a crazy thing in my mind. It was real, yet it wasn't. And finally realizing all these things......it had broken me. My world came crashing down. One thing into another, until it was just a blur of thoughts, memories, guesses, opinions, and wrong facts. I went on through the past month of my life the same way that I always did. I laughed at times when things were funny. I smiled, did the activites I usually did, continued to commute with people, but........it was all empty. A shell of the former thing. Like I said before, fake. Nothing's the same for me any more and it never will be. Life has no real purpose, because the thing to live for never really existed. I've become distanced in my own mind. When I'm with people, I find myself yearning for isolation, and when I'm alone I find myself yearning for the times before my changes, wanting nothing more then to go back to the days when life was pure and my imagination didn't haunt me. In about a year from now, the thing I had cared for so much will be nothing more as it finishes, ending its chapter in my life and so many others. Plenty of people know of the thing I care for, and they care for it in there own minds. But once it finishes, everyone will be upset, for what? A day. Then they'll move on to the next thing, their mood not dampered at all. To them, it's nothing, and they'll forget. Everyone will forget.......except for me........ I won't forget. I'll never forget. And it pains me, because I can't forget......... ~DistantCompany /7-23-04/~