Digimon Fan Fiction / Pokemon Fan Fiction / Pokemon Fan Fiction ❯ *~The TAD Fics~* ❯ Ash Gets a Tad Confused ( Chapter 4 )

DISCLAIMER: Don't own Pokémon and I don't own the right to say who Ash's real father is ^_^ I don't have the right to many things

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Yes, Ash gets his own tad fic and yes it's all about him trying to find his father. Personally I don't think it's as good as the other "tad" fics but it's still fun. South Park fans will know the basic story line!

Ash gets a tad confused
by Togepi

All characters and events in this fanfic - even those based on real people - are entirely fictional. All celebrity characters are written poorly. The following fic contains a lot of silly and stupid stuff and due to it's content it should not be read by anyone. *lol*

It's another one of those days in the Pokémon world, all four of the twerp gang were camping out in a forest just for the hell of it. They were sat round a camp fire at night toasting marshmallows on a stick while Pikachu ran around happily and Togepi planned for world domination.

"You know what..." began Ash. "...even though we've all known each other for such a long time we barley know anything about each others pasts"

"Your right Ash" agreed Misty. "We know nothing about each others upbringing, each others parents..."

"Who gives a damn" interrupted Brock, everyone looked at him then shrugged.

"I guess it's a good way to start the fic" replied Ash, he then turned to Tracey who was sketching Togepi as it polished it's bazooka. "You go first Trace!"

Tracey looked up from what he was drawing then stood up and coughed.

"My upbringing was completely normal, my father would womanize he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark..."

Everyone just stared at Tracey with sweatdrops on their heads.

"THAT'S DR. EVIL'S PAST YOU DOTE!" yelled misty.

"Oh yeah..." said Tracey, as he rubbed his chin. "...then...who are my parents and where did I come from?"

Everyone just sighed as Tracey went back to sketching Togepi.

"Your turn Ash" Misty moaned.

"Hummmmm...well..." thought Ash. "...you all know my mother, but to tell you the honest truth I haven't a clue who my father was... I think his name began with a G, he ran the viridian city gym and his mother ran some kind of organization... god knows what that organization was though"

Again his friends all sighed.

"What? What?"

"Hands up who doesn't know who Ash's father is" announced Misty, no one put their hands up. "...I rest my case"

"What? Who? Who is my father?"

"How dense can someone be?" sighed Brock.

"Is that a rhetorical question?" asked Ash. "...and what does rhetorical mean?"

With that all of his friends stood up and walked away from him, just more than a little fed up with the fact that Ash was completely useless.

"Where are you guys going?...guys?...guys?" Ash just looked at the ground. "Oh I'm all alone!"

The next day around dinner time, Ash was sat at the table with his mother eating lunch when Ash suddenly looked at his mother.

"Mum..."

"Yes dear"

"You know how my friend misty has a dad and how my friend Brock has a dad and how my friend Tracey has a dad..."

"Yes honey..."

A few silent moments passed in the room as Ash and his mother sat awkwardly.

"GOD DAMNIT WHY DON'T I HAVE A DAD!"

"oh..." was all his mother could say.

"So...who's my dad?"

Delia shifted awkwardly.

"Well...it all started on the night of the Pallet town drunken barn dance 13 years ago..."

Delia flashed back to that very night, she was stood in the middle of the barn in a very *ahem* reveling outfit while people danced around her.

"...there I met your father...it was love at first sight..."

Out of the crowd came a man who just stared at Delia as he walked up to her, he had dark brown spiky hair, a tan, small squinty eyes.....both Delia and Ash came out of the flashback sequence. Ash stared at his mother with his mouth wide open in disbelief.

"BROCK IS MY FATHER!" he screamed. "HOW IN THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN!"

"No Ash Brock isn't your father..." Delia snapped. "...but his father Flint is!"

Ash just fell off his chair anime style, he then clambered back up onto it.

"Are you sure?"

"Well that's who I remember being with last, then when I woke up the next morning I was pregnant with you"

Ash just swallowed hard as he thought of the possibility of Flint being his father but all he could think of was the fact that Flint breeds like a rabbit!

Meanwhile not to far away, in fact just up the road, Ash's friends were waiting for Ash to come out and "play". Brock and misty were leant against a white fence while Tracey was sat on the dirt road talking to togepi.

"Okay togepi..." began Tracey, as he got his sketch book ready. "...can I please let me draw a picture of you without the bazooka!"

"NO!" snapped togepi, as he cradled the weapon in his tiny arms.

"Awwwww...come on please, I'll give you a rare candy!"

"NO!"

Tracey then grabbed the bazooka and began to try and pull it out of togepi's hands but the little egg Pokémon was surprisingly strong. The two fought between it for a while before Tracey suddenly let go and fell to the floor, Togepi quickly pointed the bazooka to his head.

"Next time I'll blow your freakin' head off, do you 'ere!"

Tracey nodded quickly, Togepi lowered his weapon and walked away from him. Just then the group noticed Ash coming up the road, but he looked different...in fact...he looked just like Brock.

Ash's hair was stuck up and spiky, he was wearing a fake tan and he was squinting, which could explain why when he walked up to his friends he walked straight past them and into a tree. *THUD* Ash fell to the ground, his friends ran over and helped him up off the ground.

"ASH WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!" snapped misty.

"I found out who my father is" Ash replied. "It's Brock's dad!"

The whole group gasped.

"My dad!" Brock said. "But it can't be"

"Well it is Brock, but I gotta ask you something...how in the hell do you get on in life with squinty eyes?"

"It takes a lot of practice Ash"

"Ohhhhhhhh!" with that Ash began to walk down the road. "Well I gotta go and see my dad"

His friends watched him walk down the road as Ash bumped into tree after tree, Misty and Brock sighed and Tracey just shook his head.

"You humans get weirder everyday" said togepi, harshly.

"Your right there" agreed Misty.

Soon enough Ash got to Pewter city, he quickly went to Brock's house and stood outside. He was about to knock on the door when he heard a commotion going on inside.

"No Susie don't touch that, Timmy get out of the dryer, Ben don't go there..." *CRASH* "...urrggghhh, to late"

Ash took in a deep breath and knocked on the door. It took a while but Flint finally answered it.

"Hiya dad..." Ash yelled happily. "...your son is here!"

Flint just looked at Ash all confused.

"Aren't you that Ash with the Pikachu?"

"Yep I'm also your son, remember"

Flint just frowned and developed a very large question mark above his head. He then grabbed Ash by the shirt, pulled his into the house and slammed the door.

Flint lead Ash into the kitchen and forced him to sit down at the table, he then sat down across from him.

"Who told you this?" Flint demanded.

"My mum, she told me that you were with her on the night of the Pallet town drunken barn dance"

Flint just sighed.

"I guess I'd better tell you about what really happened..."

Flint flashed back to the barn dance where he and Delia are rolling around in hay.

"You see your mother was very very very drunk and as soon as she learned that I was no longer interested she dumped me for the next nearest guy...a guy named Giovanni...his mother ran Team Rocket and he ran the Viridian city gym. So that's the last guy I saw her with!"

The flash back ended and Ash though long and hard, he ran the viridian city gym, his name began with a "G" and his mother ran an organization.

"Well that must be it then, he must be my father" Ash stood up and shook Flint's hand. "Thankyou so much Brock's dad!" with that Ash left the house quickly. Flint watched him leave he then sniffed the air.

"Hummmm...what's burning?" He then looked behind him and screamed. "ARRRGGGHHHH THE TWINS ARE ON FIRE AGAIN!"

Meanwhile back with Ash's friends misty had discovered a new game she could play with Togepi.

"Kick the Togepi!" she said.

"No No don't kick the TOGEPI!" Togepi yelled desperately, but misty kicked him anyway. Togepi went flying through the air and landed straight into a sign, he fell to the floor and he sighed.

"One day red haired one, I will get my revenge" it mumbled under it's breath.

Then the group noticed Ash approaching them, but this time he was dressed in a sharp, smart red suit, with his hair gelled back and his eyes were in an evil stare kinda pose.

"Okay!" he said. "I finally found out who my father is!"

"Who?" asked Brock.

"Giovanni"

Everyone else let out a sigh of relief.

"Finally you get it" said misty. "It wasn't all that hard to work out"

"Really? You guys knew already?"

His friends nodded.

"Oh well..." Ash said. "...I gotta go to the Team Rocket HQ to spend some quality time with my dad"

"Well lets hope he sets his Persian on you" snapped Misty as Ash walked away.

"Yeah whatever you ugly skank" Ash mumbled to himself.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?????"

"I said I'd like to own a fishing tank"

"Oh okay"

Ash soon enough got to the Team Rocket HQ, he walked into the building and up to the receptionist.

"How may I help you" said the receptionist to Ash.

"I'd like to see Giovanni please" Ash replied.

"Well he's not available at the moment, but would you like to make an appointment?"

"No, I need to see him now...you see I'm his long lost son Ash!"

The receptionist looked at Ash over the top of her glasses then put her finger to the speaker phone.

In his office Giovanni was sat at his desk in the dark stroking his Persian which dozed in his lap, when the receptionist's voice came over the speaker phone.

"Er...sir...there's a kid here claiming to be your kid"

"Not another one..." sighed Giovanni as he put his finger to the speaker on his desk. "...send him in!"

Giovanni watched as Ash entered the room, he glared at him as he approached his desk.

"So....?" began Giovanni.

"So.....I'm your son .... Ash .... remember"

Giovanni sighed.

"Ash.... oh your that Delia Ketchum's son"

"Yep, and I'm also yours"

Giovanni rolled his eyes as he continued to pet his Persian.

"I'm not your father Ash!"

"But Brock's dad Flint said you were the last person with my mother at the Pallet town drunken barn dance, plus I can remember you...kinda!"

"I did date your mother after you were born..." Giovanni told Ash. "...but I'm defiantly not your father, so that would explain why you know me" Giovanni took a deep breath and began to talk again. "But I can tell you that the last person I saw your mother with at the barn dance was none other than Professor Oak"

Ash's mouth opened with shock.

"Professor Oak!"

Giovanni nodded. With that Ash left the TRHQ and went in search for Professor Oak.

Professor Oak wasn't to hard to find, he was down the Pallet town bar having his usual Saturday afternoon drink. Suddenly Ash burst through the door and pointed at Professor Oak.

"YOU!" he growled. "ALL THIS TIME IT WAS YOU!"

Professor Oak looked at Ash confused as the young boy approached him.

"what are you talking about?" he asked.

"You were my father all this time, why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm not your father Ash"

Suddenly one of the other guys in the bar spoke up.

"Yeah Oak can't be your father, he's gay"

"I am not gay..." protested Professor oak, he then paused and thought hard. "...oh wait I am gay...ha ... my mistake"

"Wait, how can you have a grandson then?" asked Ash. Professor Oak just shrugged.

"Beats me!"

Suddenly two very familiar voices filled the bar.

"Prepare for trouble"
"And make it double"

Jesse and James magically appeared in front the people in the bar and recited their newly thought of motto just for Ash.

"This kid has been looking for his dad"
"But he can't find him anywhere which is sad"
"So we're here to help him a tiny bit"
"Which might make us a bigger hit"
"Jesse"
"James"
"Team rocket won't rest until this question is answered"
"Then we'll be famous and then we'll be pampered"

Then meowth jumped out from nowhere and landed at the feet of his friends.

"meowth dat sucked"

Everyone just stared at Team rocket as they struck a pose.

"So you guys can find out who my father is?" he asked them.

"You got it twerp" replied Jesse. "For ONE fanfic ONLY Team rocket become rocket scientists because the fanfic writer can't think of anyone else to do it"

"And all it will take for us to do it for you is one payment of one Pikachu" added on James.

"Sure" said Ash as he picked Pikachu up off the floor (*who had been following him around the entire fanfic, I just forgot to mention it*) and he handed it to Team rocket.

"Pika?"

"It's okay pikachu..." Ash told his electric pokémon. "...me finding out who my father is, is much more important than Pokémon training"

A sweatdrop formed on Pikachu's little yellow head.

"Pi"

"Well that was easy" said James.

"Great..." added on Jesse. "...Now we do a blood test of everyone and find out who your dad is"

A few days later, due to the magic of fanfic writing, Team Rocket had the results of the blood tests and had gathered everyone at Ash's house.

"Ash's father is indeed someone in this room..." announced Jesse, as she glanced around the room at everyone.

So who is Ash's father....is it Giovanni, professor Oak, Brock's dad, Pikachu, Togepi, Fred Durst, Marilyn Manson....

"Y'know what...." began misty. "I bet Ash's mother is his father cos she has a..."

"Er...no misty" interrupted Jesse.

"Really? Oh! Damn there goes my money!"

"Anyway Ash's father is..." Jesse said, she paused as there was a very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very long silence......

"................................................... .........................................................Tracey!"

Everyone gasped and looked at Tracey in total shock, but Tracey didn't looked surprised at all.

"What's wrong with you all?" he asked. "This is a tad fic by togepi, did you really expect the answer to be a sane one"

"But how?" asked misty.

"I'm 36 years old that's how!"

Everyone just glanced at each other not really understanding how to take the news.

"Well I'm now gonna jump off a bridge, anyone joining me?" asked Ash.

"Yeah I will..." replied Brock. "...I'm totally broke now...I betted all my money on Marilyn Manson being your father"

"I almost wish he was"

With that everyone except Tracey walked out of the house to find the nearest bridge. togepi was the last one out, he toddled towards the door but then realized that something was wrong.

"There's something not quite right about this fic" it said as he looked back towards Tracey, I then suddenly clicked in his head. Togepi held up his bazooka to Tracey and fired. Tracey was totally blown up in a massive and powerful explosion, Togepi watched as Tracey was no more, then it smirked evilly. "There that's better" With that togepi continued to toddle out of the door singing happily to himself,

"Cut my life into pieces, this is my last resort, suffocation, no breathing, don't give a [bad word], if I cut my own breathing..."


THE END