Fake Fan Fiction ❯ Sorry ❯ Sorry ( Chapter 1 )

Sorry

Author: Lorella

E-mail:

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters. They belong to the very talented Sanami Matoh. I am just writing about them for fun, and not for money.

Rating: pg

Warning: Adult language, M/M, OOC, there may be a few spelling mistakes and some bad sentence structure here; that's because I don't have a beta yet, and I am looking for someone willing to do the job. If you're interested please e-mail me.

Archive: Yes, but please ask me first.

Notes: This is my first fan fiction ever. I hope it turned out ok. Read and REVIEW please!

Dee was frustrated. Very， very frustrated and angry with himself. He had really done it this time. Sure, he had made a lot of mistakes in his life, but he'd never been this angry with himself before. `Why didI have to get do drunk huh?!?' he thought angrily and hit his head against the table, so hard that his cup of coffee was knocked over. He was on his feet within seconds cursing as the hot liquid spread out over the table, soaking the paperwork he had been working on all day.

Ryo hadn't shown up at work today and the chief had said that Ryo had called in sick. Dee didn't blame the guy for not wanting to see him. What he had done was just unforgivable. He hadn't been able to do much work himself this day. Luckily there was no big case that needed to be solved at that moment. He had been trying to do paperwork, but he hadn't been able to concentrate. And on top of it all, just to make things even worse, JJ had been bothering him all day trying to find out why it was he was so grumpy today.

He sighed heavily as he poured himself another cup of coffee and sat down by the window, just staring blankly into the air. The rain was pouring down outside, which was quite fitting for the mood he was in. He let his mind wander and go over what had happened once more.

Flashback

Dee was walking down the street at full speed. He was hurt and frustrated. Just when he thought things had finally started to work out with him and Ryo, the guy had turned him down brutally again. Why couldn't the guy just give him at least a clue about how he was feeling?!? He sighed heavily and walked on not really noticing where he was going. As he walked a song popped into his mind.

What I gotta do to make you love me

What I gotta do to make you care

What do I do when lightning strikes me

And awake to find that you are not there

What I gotta do to make you want me

What I gotta do to be heard

He rolled his eyes thinking about just how well those words fit the way he felt. Without realizing it he turned into a bar. Once inside he decided he might as well get a beer or three, or a hundred. Maybe that would help him forget just how frustrating and confusing his relationship with Ryo was. It was all so damn complicated. At one moment Ryo would seem to be in love with him, the next the guy was cold as ice and didn't seem to care at all.

He emptied the first glass within seconds after it was given to him. Then he finally took a look around the place, realizing that it was once of the gay bars he'd been to a few times before Ryo came into the picture. Ever since Ryo had walked into his like Dee had stayed away from places like this, not feeling the need to try to pick up anyone other than Ryo. He didn't mind that he'd walked into one now though. He probably wouldn't have minded no matter where he'd ended up at this point, because his mind was on other things… More important things, like Ryo.

"Can I get you anything else?" the bartender asked. Carefully eyeing Dee.

A few seconds passed before Dee even noticed that he'd been talked to. He looked up at the bartender and nodded. "Yeah get me another beer and get it quickly!" he said in a rather harsh voice. He was in no mood to be nice or anything, not that he usually was all that nice to bartenders but this evening he was being especially cold. He rested his head in one of his hand staring idly in front of him as the bartender got him his beer. Then he emptied that very quickly and asked for another.

`Why can't Ryo just tell me how he feels, if he really isn't interested in me then why can't he just tell me to get lost, or tell me that he's not interested instead of giving me all these mixed signals, huh?!? I mean FUCK it's not like it's so FUCKING hard to say "Listen I am not interested I you so get lost" is it? If he could only just let me know if that is how he feels then maybe I could move on. I don't know for how much longer I can take his games! I need to know if he is interested or not, because all this back and forth is really getting the best of me!' he thought furiously and banged his head in the bar-top. He sighed and once more places his head in his hand. Things really weren't working to his advantage these days.

He didn't really notice that someone had come up next to him. He was too wrapped up in his own thoughts and emotions to really notice anything. Not until the person spoke up did he actually know he wasn't sitting there all alone.

"Bad night hey?" the guy next to him said with a smile.

Dee couldn't help but to think that the guy was attractive. In fact he looked a lot like Ryo, but he didn't really notice that. By now he had had at least 9 beers and he was working on another one. He had already started to get very drunk and his reasoning was weakening rapidly.

"Yeah, no shit!" he said while taking in the looks of the other guy. The guy had chestnut-brown hair, deep brown eyes and a beautiful beaming smile. Dee looked up and down the other guy's body as if trying to take in every detail. The guy was wearing a white shirt that was very wrinkled and just to highlight the white shirt he was wearing black suit-pants. All in all though the guy looked totally hot in Dee's eyes. By this time he was so drunk that Ryo and the problems he was having was pushed far back in his mind and he directed all his attention to the guy next to him.

"My name is Ryu by the way" he said and beamed. "Sorry if I am intruding or anything, I was just watching you from over there and you looked so lonely. So I figured I'd go over and see if you wanted some company" he said and smiled.

Dee smiled half-heartedly. "I don't mind" he said in an indifferent sort of voice. "Well I'm Dee Laytner" he added and shook the other guy's hand. "And yeah, I'm not really having a very good night." He said with a sigh.

"Problems with the love life I take it?" Ryu asked with a sympathetic smile. "A lot of guys tend to end up in here for that reason. I have myself, several times. This seems to be a good place to drown your problems." He said and smiled some more.

Dee just stared at his beer. "Yeah, it seems like one of those places…" he muttered. Then he turned to look at Ryu. "Let's just forget about all that and go dance?" he said as he got to his feet, swaying slightly because of the alcohol. He bowed goofily and reached out his hand towards Ryu, asking him to dance.

The two walked over to the dance floor and started dancing. When the first love song was played they swayed slowly to the music. Ryu used the opportunity to try to find out why Dee was so upset. After all he wasn't the kind of guy to go for guys who were already taken. "So…" he began carefully. "What happened between you and your boyfriend to make you come here to forget about it all?" he asked very carefully.

Dee shook his head. "Well I guess he was my boyfriend at one point, but it sure as hell didn't seem that way earlier today!" he said and sighed. "He just can't seem to decide that it is he wants. One minute he seems very interested, the next minute he's cold as stone. He knows how I feel about him, but he seems not to notice that he is playing with my emotions by acting the way he is! Why can't he just tell me if he really is interested or not!? It's driving me crazy not to know, maybe if he just told me he isn't interested then I could move on!" he said in a very frustrated voice.

`Oh so he's not taken then. It seems like he and his boyfriend broke up or something…' Ryu thought to himself. "Well it sounds to me like you should just forget about the guy and move on. If he can't make up his mind then it's his loss and you should forget about him. There are many more fish in the sea, all you have to do is stat fishing." He said and gave Dee a small hug.

Then a faster song started and the two stopped talking and started dancing rather hotly. As time passed and several songs were played, the two danced closer and closer and they got more and more intimate.

Finally the two stopped dancing and headed to one of the couches by the door in order to get some fresh air, but as soon as they sat down they started kissing passionately. Dee found comfort in the kissing and closed his eyes. In his mind he wasn't kissing Ryu though, he was kissing Ryo. The Ryo he loved so much.

It was at that moment the door opened and Berkley Rose entered the bar. He didn't have a habit of going to bars like this, but for some reason he had felt like it this evening. He stopped dead in his tracks and just stared at Dee. `What the hell does he think he is doing?!?!' he thought furiously. `This is going to crush Ryo completely damn it! Sure this may leave me with the chance I wanted, but that doesn't make it any better that he'd do this to Ryo! Does he not appreciate the fact that he has Ryo? Does he really disrespect Ryo this much!?!?!?' His mind was spinning around with thoughts. He didn't quite know how to deal with the situation. Should he break up the scene in front of him or should he leave it alone and just go talk to Ryo?

Berkley decided he may as well break it up, before going to talk to Ryo. He walked over to the two on the couch and lifted up the guy he didn't know by the back of his shirt. "Detective Dee Laytner!" he said angrily, he had to restrain himself from not yelling, and making a scene. "What DO you think you are DOING?!?" he continued.

Dee just looked up and smiled. "Making out with Ryo!" he said and grinned some more.

Berkley shook his head and sighed. "You're drunk Laytner!" he muttered before picking up his phone and dialling Ted's number. He knew Ted had the nightshift and would be awake.

"Hello?" Ted said as he answered his private cell phone. He had recognized the caller's number to belong to Berkley Rose.

"Ted? This is Berkley; I need you down at the Dragon bar. NOW!" he said in a half way friendly voice.

"But…I am almost finished with my report, and I am on a roll…" Ted replied in a complaining sort of voice.

Berkley rolled his eyes. "I need you down here Ted and it's an order! Now get in the car and come down here!" he said in a slightly angry voice.

"Yes sir!" Ted replied before putting down his pen and grabbing his jacket. He was really starting to wonder what was going on. Berkley was off for the night, so why would he call and order him to come down to the Dragon of all places?!?

Berkley wrapped his arm around Dee's waist and pulled the guy to his feet. "You're going home!" he said angrily before starting to guide Dee to the door.

Dee started singing loudly as they walked, and he was swaying at every step. "If I were gay we would swim in romance, but I'm not gay, I'm bisexual!!!!" He didn't understand what he'd done to anger Berkley; in fact he didn't even understand that Berkley was angry at all. He was too drunk to really know anything at all.

Berkley sighed of relief as Ted pulled up in one of their work cars. "Finally!" he muttered, even though it hadn't taken Ted very long to get there it had seemed like an eternity for Berkley. He had been standing outside with a singing Dee, and all he had wanted to do was to punch Dee in the face.

"What's the big emergency?" Ted asked as he came out of the car. He eyed Dee carefully. "He's wasted!" he commented and grinned.

"It's not funny Ted! He has cheated on Ryo damn it!" Berkley barked angrily and pushed Dee over to Ted. "Now, your orders are to bring him home, force him to take a cold shower and make sure he goes to bed. When you're done with that, you can go back to your reports!" he said in a voice that showed that there was no use arguing about it.

"Yes sir!" Ted replied before placing Dee in the car and driving off.

Dee woke up the next morning, and the first thing he did was to let his face pay a visit to the porcelain God. Then he staggered out to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of milk, downing it quickly. As he sat there in the kitchen feeling utterly miserable, his eyes widened as he remembered what he'd done the night before.

End Flashback

Dee sighed and got to his feet in order to grab another cup of coffee. He figured he needed to try to do some more of the paperwork that was waiting for him on the kitchen table.

Ryo woke up on Wednesday morning, and for a moment he thought that it was just another day at work, but then the sadness hit him like knives through the heart as he remembered what was going on. Suddenly he didn't feel like getting up and going to work. So for the third time this week he picked up the phone and rang the chief, telling him that he was stick still. Then he pulled his comforter over his head and sighed.

Bikky came into the kitchen this morning and saw that Ryo hadn't been there this day either. He was getting seriously worried now. Ryo had been locked up in his room since Monday morning and refused to come out. Ryo hadn't had much to eat either. He went over to Ryo's door and knocked furiously. "RYO!" he yelled. "Ryo! You need to get out here! You can't keep locked up in there forever!" he continued to bang on the door for about ten minutes before he finally gave up. "Well there's some food outside your door, I need to get going so I won't be late for school." He muttered and then he grabbed his backpack and left.

Ryo just stayed quiet, listening, as Bikky almost broke the door down. He didn't give any kind of response. He felt a little bad for worrying Bikky like this, but he didn't want to talk to anyone. He was so angry and hurt by what Dee had done. He just didn't know how to deal with it all. How could Dee have done this to him? Dee who claimed to be so in love with him. If he really was in love with him, then how could he go and do something like this? His thoughts wandered back to Sunday evening.

Flashback

After having sent Dee with Ted, Berkley picked up his phone once more and checked the time. `It's only twelve thirty, it's not too late to talk to Ryo' he thought and punched in Ryo's number. "Hello? Ryo? This is Berkley. I need to talk to you. It's important, could I come over now?" he asked in a voice that gave away just how much he didn't want to have to be the one to tell Ryo this. He didn't want to have to be the one to give Ryo the news he knew was going to hurt him.

Ryo had just fallen asleep when the phone rang. He sighed and was half tempted to just let it ring, but when it didn't stop ringing he got out of bed and picked up the phone. "Hello?" he asked in a tired voice while stifling a yawn. "Well, I had gone to bed, but I guess that if it's that important you could come over." He said and had to stifle another yawn.

Berkley nodded, even though he knew Ryo couldn't see it. "Ok, I'll be there in about 15 minutes" he said, and then as Ryo said `ok' he hung up and got into a taxi.

Ryo walked back into the bedroom and pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. Then it hit him just how serious Berkley had sounded, and suddenly it felt like a huge boulder had settled itself in his stomach. `What could it be that is so important that he has to come all this way to talk to me in the middle of the night?' he thought and his heart sank in his chest. `Did something happen to someone at work? Did something happen to Dee?!?! Please don't let it be anything about Dee! Please don't tell me that Dee has been hurt or something!!' he thought as he walked back into the kitchen to make some coffee.

When he was done making coffee, he sat down in the living room and just stared out of the window. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the doorbell rang and he jumped to his feet immediately, rushing to the door. He was a little nervous about what it was Berkley would say. "Hey" he said and forced a smile as he opened the door. "Come in. Do you want some coffee or something?" he rambled.

Berkley smiled back and walked inside. "Some coffee would be good thanks" he said and sat down by the kitchen table, waiting for Ryo to join him there so that they could talk.

Ryo took his time getting the two cups of coffee ready. Then he finally joined Berkley by the table. "So…" he said trying his best to sound as normal as possible. "What is it that is so urgent you had to come all the way over here in the middle of the night to talk to me?" he asked as if talking to a business associate or something like that.

Berkley sighed as Ryo asked about why he'd wanted to talk to him. "Well…" he muttered and for once he felt like he was lacking the right words to say. "I saw something down at the Dragon tonight that I thought you ought to know about." he started and looked down at the cup he was holding, not wanting to look at Ryo when he said the next part. "I really wish I didn't have to say this, but you need to know… When I walked into the Dragon earlier, I bumped into Dee and he was sitting there kissing a random guy…rather hotly…" he finished and looked up at Ryo carefully.

Ryo felt his heart skip a beat, and then it felt like a thousand knives were tearing his heart to pieces. Just after Dee and he had actually become a couple and then Dee did something like this?! He just didn't want to believe it. "H-he did what?!" he said in a weak voice. He swallowed and tried to loosen up the lump in his throat. He was avoiding Berkley's gaze. He didn't want to look him in the eyes.

Berkley sighed. "He kissed another man, rather passionately at that. I broke them apart though, and sent Dee home. He was so drunk I had to call Ted to bring him home. I'm really sorry Ryo…" he said quietly. He placed a hand on Ryo's shoulder wanting to comfort him.

Ryo just sat there, staring at his own hands. As Berkley put a hand on his shoulder he simply shrugged it off. He didn't know that to think or feel. There were so many feelings running through him and he didn't know which one to surrender to. The disappointment, the sadness or the anger. Finally the sadness took hold of him and he felt tears press at the back of his eyes. He blinked them away and looked up at Berkley with a devastated look on his face. "Can you please just leave?! I want to be alone…" he muttered before looking back down at his hands.

Berkley sighed and got to his feet. "Well, if you are sure that's what you want… but I can stay. I don't have anything else I have to do tonight. But if you really want me to leave you alone, then I will." He said and when Ryo didn't reply he took that as a sign that it was time to leave. "Well if you deicide you want to talk, just call me…" he muttered before clearing off the cups and walking out the door.

Ryo barely noticed the door close behind Berkley. His mind was on other things. `How could he do this to me?!?! He claims to be so in love with me, and yet he goes out and does something like this?!? I don't get it!" he thought furiously, and now that he was alone he let his tears flow freely. He never moved an inch that night.

Bikky yawned and stretched. He hadn't had a very good night's sleep, and he didn't know why. He got out of bed and grabbed some clothes and a towel, planning on heading for the shower. He stopped when he entered the kitchen. He was still half asleep, but there was something strange about the way Ryo was just sitting there. "Mornin' Ryo." He muttered and was about to move on, but then he remembered that Ryo was on third shift today and that he shouldn't even be out of bed yet. "What are you doing up? You don't have work for another few hours…" he said. He got no reply what so ever. Then he raised an eyebrow and walked over. "Hey Ryo! I am talking t-" he never got to finish his sentence, because he could now see the devastated look on Ryo's face and the dark rings under his eyes.

"Ryo?" he asked carefully. "Ryo, are you ok?" There was no reply this time either and now he was getting really worried. "Ryo!!" he said in a very worried voice. "What's wrong?!? Talk to me!" he said desperately and placed a hand on Ryo's shoulder.

Ryo barely noticed that Bikky was talking to him, but as the boy started sounding desperate, Ryo snapped out of his trance. "Nothing's wrong Bikky. Now get ready or you'll be late for school." He said in a toneless voice. Then he got up and walked into his room, locking the door behind him.

Bikky's eyes widened as Ryo talked to him in a toneless voice he had never heard the man use before. "But…RYO!" he yelled as Ryo left the room and locked himself in his bedroom. Bikky stood there for a while, not knowing what to do. "Ryo?!?!?"

End Flashback

Ryo sighed and closed his eyes while a single tear ran down his cheek.

Dee sighed and got to his feet. It was no use. He couldn't get anything done. He had no concentration what so ever. He felt so guilty because of what he had done. Once more he slumped down in the couch, but this time he turned on the TV to see if maybe that could distract him for a while. There was some sort of cooking program showing, but he didn't really notice what it was, he just let his mind wander again.

Flashback

Monday morning, after taking care of his hangover, Dee got dressed for work. He was feeling utterly miserable and didn't feel like going to work at all, but for some strange reason he felt like he had to. How could he have been so stupid last night? How could he have done what he did to Ryo?!?! He sighed and put on his coat before grabbing his wallet from the table and heading towards the subway. He dreaded going to work and having to face Ryo. Of course Ryo wouldn't know, but that didn't make him feel any better about what he'd done.

As he walked into the building at the 27th Precinct, people started glaring at him. This made him feel very self-conscious. `It's probably just my imagination' he thought. He walked into the office that he shared with Ryo and noticed that Ryo wasn't there yet. `That's odd. He never gets in late, and I am late as it is…' he thought and furrowed his brows. At that moment Ted walked in and slammed a note on his desk before turning on his heel and exiting again without even a simple `Good morning Dee', but as he left Dee could have sworn he heard him mutter "Asshole" under his breath.

Now Dee was getting really paranoid. `What is going on? He can't possibly know can he?' he thought to himself. He didn't think anyone should know. `It's not like any of them were there last night…' he thought. Then he shook his head and turned to the note that had been placed on his desk by Ted.

- Ryo called in sick today, so you will have to stay here, finishing the paperwork I placed on your desk for you-

`What?! Ryo called in sick? I'll have to go over to check if he's ok as soon as I'm off from work, or maybe when I take my break' he thought to himself and made a mental note to remember to do so. `Maybe I'll feel a little less guilty if I go talk to him?' was the last thing he thought before he started on the huge pile of paperwork in front of him.

A few hours passed by and Dee hardly got anything done at all. All he had done was a lousy three pages of paperwork out of a stack with at least 50 sheets of paper. He sighed and stretched. It seemed he couldn't focus today, all he could think of was what he had done the night before. It puzzled him that he couldn't remember how he'd gotten back home though. And what surprised him more was that he'd actually had a shower before heading off to bed. He never used to do that whenever he got home from a night on the town.

He decided he might as well go talk to Ryo now to see if he was ok. He got up and left the room. In the hallway he bumped into J.J. He expected the usual clinging but that didn't happen, instead J.J just stood there glaring at him. "What's going on here?! Why have everyone suddenly decided to turn on me?" he asked in a frustrated voice.

J.J just stared at him for a while, breathing heavily. He was so angry at Dee that he wasn't sure what he was going to say. "Where are you going?" he ended up asking in a voice that was strained because he really had to fight to not yell at Dee.

Dee looked at him with surprised eyes. "I am heading over to Ryo's apartment to see if he's ok. He called in sick today so I figured I'd see if he needs anything." He said and raised an eyebrow at the angry glare he received from the usually so friendly J.J.

J.J's face reddened as Dee said he was headed for Ryo's apartment. "HOW DARE YOU?!?! AND HOW COULD YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO HIM!?!" he yelled and then finally snapped and punched Dee in the face with a closed fist. "YOU ARE NOT GOING OVER TO RYO'S APARTMENT YOU…YOU ASSHOLE!" he yelled before rushing into his office.

Dee's eyes widened as J.J started yelling at him. "What the-" he said but then he abruptly cut off as J.J punched him hard in the face and sent him straight to the floor. "OW! Why-" but then he cut off again as he finally understood why everyone were acting so strange this morning. He finally remembered everything about how Berkley had entered the Dragon and seen him making out with this guy Ryu. He slumped back against the wall. `So that's why Ryo isn't here… Berkley must have told him about what I did last night… And it seems like Ted told everyone else about it all… Oh man! I really fucked up this time! Ryo is never going to forgive me for this! And I don't blame him either. What I did last night is unforgivable! Damn! I have probably lost him forever now!' he thought and placed his hands over his face, sighing heavily.

`I even made J.J turn against me because of this… And if he reacts this way I can barely start to imagine how Ryo reacted to it all. He'll probably never speak to me again, or even look at me for that matter.' He thought before slowly getting to his feet and walking back to his office, slumping down in one of the chairs at work. He really didn't know how to fix what he had done here. He really didn't think there was anything he could do that would make everything all right between him and Ryo ever again. He placed his head in his hands and sighed heavily. `How could I have been so DAMN stupid?!?! How could I do this to him! I love him damn it! I bet he doesn't think I do anymore though, and I don't blame him for that! If he did something like that to me I would think the same. I'm so fucking STUPID!' He literally felt disgusted by himself. "I'm so fucking STUPID!" he said out loud and sighed.

"You can say that again" came the disgusted voice of Berkley Rose. "I hope you realize just how much you have hurt him by doing this you idiot! He was absolutely crushed when I told him last night. I can't believe you were stupid enough to do something like that when you had the most beautiful man on the planet as your boyfriend Laytner!" he barked out angrily. "I really do hope he never forgives you for this, because you don't deserve someone like him when you can go out and do something like what you did last night. I don't care how drunk you were! It's just not acceptable!" he said and there was a deep disgust in his voice.

"Well for once we agree on something Rose." Dee said in a sad voice. "I screwed up royally. And even if I was drunk I agree that there is no excuse for what happened there. I can't even say I blame you for telling Ryo, even though I wish you hadn't. I probably would have done the same if I was ever placed in your shoes last night." He said and for once he wasn't keen on starting a fight with Berkley. He sighed heavily and got to his feet. "You know what…I think I'll just bring this paperwork home and do it there if that is fine by you. It seems that I am neither wanted nor needed here at the moment and you know how to reach me if you do need me" he muttered and got to his feet.

Berkley just nodded as a reply and left the room.

Dee took his coat and headed for the door. He saw how J.J glared at him as he passed his office. Strangely enough it made him feel even worse than he was already feeling. Even J.J hated him for having done what he had, and he'd never actually thought J.J would hate him. Not even for something like this. J.J had after all always acted as if Ryo was just an obstacle in his way of getting Dee, but now it seemed that even he didn't want to have anything to do with him. Not that he blamed the guy. At the moment he didn't even want to have anything to do with himself, so the fact that others felt the same way didn't really surprise him all that much.

End Flashback

Dee turned the TV off and looked out of the window. It was snowing outside now, but somehow it just made him feel even worse about it all. There was only a week until Christmas even, and Dee knew that this time of year was usually rather tough for Ryo. He sighed and put his head in his hands. How was he going to deal with this…? He needed to go talk to Ryo; they couldn't end everything like this. Sure he had made an unforgivable mistake, but he had to at least try to talk to him.

He decided he might as well get it over with. He got up with a sigh and headed for the bathroom to take a shower. If he was going to beg for his forgiveness he should at least look and smell ok. Not like he was now, wearing a worn pair of pants and a torn t-shirt. He hadn't cared about his looks over the last few days. He needed to shave as well he noted as he looked himself in the mirror. He got undressed and stepped into the shower. When finally inside he closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling of the hot water trailing down his body. At least taking a shower could still be enjoyable. When he was done in the shower he pulled out his razor from the cabinet and started shaving, very carefully as to make sure he didn't cut himself.

After finishing up in the bathroom he headed for the bedroom to find something to wear. He put on a new pair of jeans and one of the black shirts he knew Ryo liked. Then he headed into the hall and put on his jacket before heading out the door. He was so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he even forgot to lock the door. He hurried down to his car and got in. As he started driving his mind started wandering again, but this time it wasn't a flashback, it was about what he would say when he actually got over to Ryo's place. `What can I possibly say to make him forgive me? I don't even think there's much I can say except I'm sorry, but it would be so lame to say something like that as well, because sorry simply doesn't cut it in a situation like this. I think I wouldn't appreciate a simple I'm sorry if he did the same to me as I have done to him! AAAAARG!' he thought furiously as he passed a truck.

When he came closer to Ryo's apartment he started getting cold feet. `Why am I doing this? He probably won't even let me into the apartment in the first place, and he definitely doesn't want to talk to me! The guy has dropped work all week damn it, and he never misses work!' he tough and sighed heavily, tears were pressing at the back of his eyes, but he ignored it. He didn't really feel like it was his right to cry over this anyways. He was the one who had done something wrong and he would have to live with that, even if it meant that he'd lost Ryo forever. That thought hit him straight in the heart. It was an unbearable thought. He didn't really think he'd be able to go on living a normal life if Ryo wouldn't ever talk to him again.

He finally reached the apartment building and parked the car in the parking garage. He leaned against the car and sighed for a moment not quiet able to decide if he was actually going to go up there or not. This was something he had been dreading to do for some time now, but he knew it had to be done. He had to try to patch things up with Ryo, he just had to. He slowly walked up the stairs, not wanting to take the elevator because that would only make him have to face Ryo faster.

After a long time, much longer than he'd normally use on those stairs he stood outside of Ryo's door. He knocked carefully on the door hoping that he would be let in. To his surprise he heard Bikky's voice coming from inside the apartment.

"Who's there?" Bikky asked as someone knocked on the door. It was a school day, yet he had gone home from class early today. This was the third day Ryo had been locked up in his room and Bikky was really getting very worried. Ryo had even refused to tell him what was wrong, but every morning he had found money on the kitchen table and a note that told him to just get takeout or something. He sighed heavily at the thought of it.

"It's me… Dee…" Dee answered quietly, he was very surprised as the door swung open immediately and he was facing a very worried looking Bikky.

"Dee! Thank God! Ryo has been locked up in his room for three days and I can't get through to him! Maybe you can get something out of him. He refuses to let me know what's wrong, and he isn't eating either" Bikky said in a devastated voice the moment he had let Dee inside the apartment.

Dee felt even more miserable as Bikky pleaded for him to do something about Ryo hiding in the bedroom. "Hey Bikky? Why don't you go out for a while and I will see what I can do ok?" he muttered, hoping that Bikky wouldn't understand that it was his fault in the first place that Ryo was hiding in his bedroom.

Bikky just nodded and grabbed his jacket. "I will be back by 11 I promise…" Bikky said and looked up at Dee. "I don't want Ryo to get worried about me now, he obviously has enough things on his mind already…" he muttered and then headed out the door, thinking that he might as well head over to Carol's place while waiting.

Dee carefully stepped into the room wondering how to approach the closed door that belonged to Ryo's bedroom. "R-Ryo?" he began carefully, while walking over to the door and sitting down on the floor by the door. "I know you probably don't want to talk to me right now, and I completely understand that, but there is still a few things I want to say to you…" he managed to say, hopefully loudly enough for Ryo to hear him. He was having problems getting the words out, every time he opened his mouth he felt like he'd choke on the next word.

Ryo winched as he heard Dee's voice outside his door. "Go away!" he yelled. He didn't want to talk to Dee, nor did he want to listen to anything the guy had to say! "I don't want to hear it, Dee! There is nothing you can say to me that will ever make me want to see you again!" he yelled angrily, though he was really more sad than angry. Well not really sad either mostly just disappointed and hurt.

Ryo's words hit Dee like a thousand knives straight to the heart. "Well I am going to talk weather you want to listen or not." He said in a slightly choked voice. "I know what I did is unforgivable, but I have to say this no matter what. It's just something that has to be said." He said and sighed gently hitting his head against the wall.

Taking a deep breath Dee got ready to say what it was he wanted to say. "I don't know weather or not this will make a difference at all, but I have to try, just because I am so darn scared of loosing you completely. I know what I did was wrong, and that it is something that is an unforgivable sin when it comes to relationship, but I just have to tell you why it happened, even though it is a lousy excuse. But I was so frustrated because of the way you just blew me off on Sunday. I think I walked for about two hours before I finally ended up in the Dragon. Stupid as I am I figured I'd try to drown my frustration in beer, and somehow it seemed to work, at least for a while. I think I'd had about 9 beers before someone came up to me. He looked so much like you… He had the same hair and deep dark brown eyes…" here he paused a little and swallowed, trying to get a hold of his emotions before continuing.

"He looked so much like you, and even his name was somewhat similar to yours. His name was Ryu… But anyways that wasn't the point. The point was that we started dancing and while we were dancing the alcohol all finally caught up with me and I was extremely drunk… And before you say anything I know alcohol doesn't excuse anything at all. By the time we went to sit down I was so gone I actually thought the guy was you. We started kissing, but the entire time we did I really believed that it was you I was kissing. The kiss didn't mean anything to me, and you have no idea just how horrible I feel for having done what I did. I made a stupid mistake, and if you don't want to ever talk to me again I can understand it, but I just want you to know, that if I loose you over this, over a stupid mistake like this I will have a bad conscience forever… I already hate myself for having done what I did. I know this sounds lame and I know it doesn't help, but there's not much else I can say other than the fact that I am extremely sorry for what I did, and I hope that you will give me the chance to make it up to you. I know that I will have to work to regain your trust and your respect, but please give me a chance to make it up to you! I beg of you to give me a chance to prove just how much I love you…" Dee said and then he started crying silently. He just couldn't hold back the tears anymore.

He wanted to talk to Ryo face to face, so that Ryo could see just how bad he felt for having acted like such a jerk. He needed Ryo to know just how much he cared and how far he was willing to go to prove that he loved him and that he would do anything to regain his trust and respect. Anything at all… Just to make a point he started singing quietly.

It's sad, so sad

It's a sad sad situation

And it's getting more and more absurd

It's sad so sad

Why can't we talk it over

Oh, it seems to me

Sorry seems to be the hardest word

Ryo just stared at the wall as Dee was talking. He couldn't remember ever hearing Dee sound so sorry about anything before, but it didn't really matter did it? What Dee had done was surely not going to be repaired by a simple sorry? He stirred a little and a few tears ran down his cheeks. He really hated himself for this, but he couldn't be angry at Dee. Sure he wanted to be angry and he wanted to feel like he never wanted to talk to Dee ever again, but he just couldn't do it. He didn't want to throw everything he had been about to have with Dee out of the window because of this, but he also knew he wouldn't be able to trust Dee again any time soon. And isn't all relationships supposed to be built on trust? He sighed and shook his head. Then Dee did something completely unexpected; he started singing! Ryo leaned back and listened, it really seemed like Dee meant what he was saying.

When Dee stopped singing it got completely quiet. Ryo just lay there arguing with him self weather or not he was going to go out and talk to Dee. Then he heard Dee's voice through the door again.

"I am not going anywhere until you come out here and talk to me Ryo" Dee said in a firm yet very apologizing sort of voice. "I need to talk to you, we need to work this out somehow. I am willing to do anything, anything at all in order to gain a second chance!" he said sadly. "I can't loose you Ryo! I love you!" he said through the door.

The door creaked over and Ryo walked out of the bedroom, without as much as glancing at Dee. He wanted to find some sort of solution to this all, but at the same time he didn't even want to look at Dee.

Dee looked at Ryo carefully as the guy protruded from the bedroom. He looked horrible. There were dark rings under his eyes, as if he hadn't had any sleep at all since Sunday, which was probably also the case to some extent. He also looked skinnier than he had before all of this had happened, and Dee figured that it was because he'd hardly eaten at all, at least if what Bikky had said had been the truth. He didn't really think Bikky would say something like that if it wasn't true, besides the kid had sounded totally devastated, so it had to be true. "Ryo…" he began and got to his feet, walking over to the other man. "I…I don't know what else to say than I'm sorry. What I did was horrible, but I made a mistake. Whatever you may think, that kiss in the Dragon meant nothing to me, and if I loose you over it I don't know how I'd go on." He muttered sadly, and it was true; he really didn't know how he would ever get back to living his normal life if Ryo refused to ever talk to him again.

Ryo didn't turn to look at Dee but he shrugged. "Yes what you did was unforgivable, and I do not know how long it would take for me to trust you again. It would have to take some serious work from your side to regain my trust…" he muttered sadly. "However, as much as I would like to just say that I don't want to see you again, I can't… I hope you understand just how much you have hurt me by doing this, because I haven't been able to do anything but try to deal with the pain of it for the last three days. All I know is that even though you have hurt me, there is nothing I want less than to loose you completely over this. But for me to give you another chance, you have to prove to me that you would never do something like that to me again. And you have to prove to me that you actually do like me, because to be honest I am starting to doubt the fact that you ever really did." He muttered and looked out the window.

Dee walked over and placed a hand on Ryo's shoulder. He wasn't sure that it was the right thing to do, but he just felt like he had to do so. He suddenly found himself with an even bigger lump in his stomach, wishing that Ryo wouldn't remove his hand or snap at him. "Ryo… How do you expect me to be able to prove that I wouldn't do something like that again? All I can do is promise that I won't do it again. And that I do promise. I would never do it again, not in a million years! I do understand that I hurt you by doing what I did, and knowing that I did hurts me too, more than you could ever know. I never wanted to hurt you Ryo…" he muttered and then he had to stop because his voice broke and wouldn't carry the words he wanted to say. He swallowed a few times before he finally managed to continue. "I will do my best to prove how much I love you, if you will only let me…" he said and gently pulled Ryo into a small hug. "I love you, I have for a long, long time and I will do anything to keep you, anything…"

Ryo turned his head a little and looked at Dee for the first time since Berkley had told him that Dee had been kissing someone else. A few tears were running down his cheek, but he didn't notice. "Well you may not have wanted to hurt me, but you did a really good job doing it!" he said in a voice that was filled to the brim with sadness. Then he was pulled into a hug, and he could feel how much love Dee actually put into it. This only made things more complicated… "I…I guess I am willing to give you one last chance, but if you EVER do anything even close to this again, then I will definitely not give you a new chance. Just to make it clear, you only get one new chance with me" he muttered and then finally surrendered to the hug and started crying freely. "How could you…" he muttered through the crying. "How could you hurt me like this?! If you haven't noticed I am falling in love with you! And I just can't believe you could do this!" he muttered and then fell quiet.

"I am so sorry Ryo…" Dee muttered and gently stroked over Ryo's back. "I'm so sorry… I don't know what I was thinking…" he said back now he too was about to start crying, but he felt like he didn't have the right to, so he blinked the tears back. Gently he guided them over to the couch and sat down, pulling Ryo with him and placing an arm around his shoulders. "I will never do anything like it again… I promise" he said and placed a small kiss on Ryo's forehead. Then they just sat like that in silence, Dee trying his best to comfort the crying Ryo, and taking comfort in the fact that he hadn't lost the one person he loved.