Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Easily Broken ❯ Glass Tear ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket or any of its characters, but I would love to that way there would only be yaoi couples and maybe TooruxKyou,lol.
Warnings: This is a Yaoi/ Shounen ai fic, so in other words Akito is a boy. And I won't have it any other way. As much as it is concerned, most of the fic is PG-13 with occasional R. For angst, mature themes/ sexual content, and language.
Note: I need a beta! So if you like the fic after just the first chapter and is online very often, then please assist!
Summary: For those who don't know, this fic is a squeal to a KyouxYuki fic I have called 'The Cat In The Mouse'. As of right now, Akito is being his usual self and disapproving all marriage request by the Sohma family. Having suspected Yuki and Kyou liking each other, Akito has sent Kagura to live under the Sohma roof. Knowing her love for Kyou, he thought she would change his mind and stop him from this relationship; but instead she supports them. And now gay couples, YukixKyou, have decided to take a stand. In order to make Akito understand the good in same sex Sohma relationships they are trying to turn Akito gay! And who better for the job than our own Shigure Sohma?!
Pain. When I hear that word I can't help but laugh. A meager word signifying suffering and despair. But there is more to this, to me, then meets the eye. Though its hard to believe, even I've experienced this pain, me; a heartless leader of the Sohma family. Through the eyes of those I watch over, I've only caused more pain without a care in the world. Then why is it I am suffering the most? Upon birth, my fate was decided. Without my consent, I was picked to bare the weight of my kind, to take anyway all their pain and suffering. To restore what little hope we could grasp in these troubled times. I was chosen to sacrifice all I have to ensure those that depend on me, don't suffer as I have. I was chosen to die. But of course the pain, I've caused them, may never amount to the pain I have or will experience.
No matter what I do. No matter how much I want to share this pain. To place my burdens on the shoulders of others...I can't. So there is no use in me trying. Why is it that I cause others pain? Is it pure instinct when gifted with power over others or is it just the lonely feeling of not wanting to go through my suffering alone?
I want to be freed...to be allowed a chance. I'd give anything to be the helpless soul, relentlessly being picked on by one such as me, one who's fate is more painful then any of your own. I want...to live.
God. Why have you forsaken me so? Why is it I am to die while those less worthy of living walk the planet carefree? Is it you are angry with my position of having control over them? Am I in your eyes a merciless ruler, a god. Well, I never wanted to be! I never wanted this responsibility...I never wanted to be the head of the Sohma family! I never wanted power! I want to live! I want to live! I want...to live!
Pale, shaky hands nervously lifted up in the air, reaching out. The same white bird that remained around this cursed prison known as the Sohma mansion, ignored the unspoken request of a frail and ill-stricken soul. It was its usual response to ignore the boney hand I had hoped to be its perch. But by now I was use to it. Being ignored and hated that is. These hands...these dreadful hands...had caused so much pain already. So I don't blame the bird for avoiding them. It is only natural to flee from danger. And that's what I was...dangerous.
So here I remain in a prison. I was told to remain within these same four walls for protection. I was too ill to abide in the outside world, so I've admired its beauty from my lonely porch, only occasionally visited by my doctor, Hatori. Though there is an immense source of tension between us, he continues to subdue to my every whim. I can only imagine the anger he posses toward me, for destroying his engagement to Kana; his one and only love.
Suddenly my line of thought was met with a disturbance as the brunet doctor walked into my room. He held his regular solemn expression when approaching me, today was no different. "Akito, Shigure is here to see you." He announced polity, waiting for my response. I waved my have in acknowledging him, allowing him to tell Shigure to come.
I heard his sturdy footsteps fade as those of a black haired man came into ear shot. Shigure, a loyal dog of this family. Regardless of his position and friendliness to others, I could depend on him the most. I know, being the strict head of the family as I am, some members will try to find things from me. But I could always count on Shigure to be straight forward.
Never turning my gaze from that of the peaceful spring outside, I spoke demandingly. "I expect everything is going well with Kagura under your roof. Unless she has found a reason to be rowdy and disrespectful due to a certain discovery about a certain orange headed cat." I asked knowingly with a hidden smirk.
"Why send Kagura over to prove your speculations, if you already have a firm belief you're right?" Shigure questioned seriously. I was expecting a different answer from him, but this was also predictable for him.
"I take it she doesn't mind then?" Without even glancing back at him, I could feel his heated glares and it shook me a bit. "I actually expected her to go ballistic over finding out Kyou has not only had feelings for Yuki, but they share an actual relationship." I sit up from my laying down position and smirk cunningly. "It seems even Kyou and Yuki have found someone to accept them. What better situation?!" I laugh. "Not only do they both understand the suffering of being a Sohma, they understand the same gender troubles none the less." I wait for a much needed reply from the black haired man, but he remain silent for awhile.
"Kagura understands what its like to be in love. She understands if you truly love someone you would sacrifice for that person. In her case she must sacrifice that very love in order to ensure Kyou is truly happy. Whether it is with her or another." I hear him explain calmly. But I can't believe what it is he has just told me. Speechless, I suddenly find the dirt on the floor more interesting then this conversation. "Why did you send Kagura?" Shigure asked again, this time more furious.
As blunt as possible, I answered. "I knew she would stop them."
"But she didn't. Not only has she accepted them, she supports and helps them." Shigure says coldly. Instantly a dreadful feeling came to me, foretelling what question was to come. "Why is it you hate their relationship, their happiness? Hatori's and Kana's, Yuki's and Kyou's, anybody who's related to this family."
Just as I expected, my worse fears were recognized. I couldn't answer any of that question. I couldn't...because I didn't know the answer. I've spent years trying to solve the complicated puzzles of my mind, failing every time. In a panic, I ignore the question and merely lay back down. I didn't have the courage to look Shigure in the eye after that questioned. Because I already knew what cold expression awaited me if I did. I knew if I looked into those two brown eyes, they would be scanning my own gray ones for the answer. I feared he would find that answer, before I could. And he would hate me more for it.
I heard a muffled growl as he raised to his feet. "Akito." He calls my name maturely, as if to parent me. "You are very childish for one that is to lead this family. Little children focus their pent up anger and jealousy on others, adults would kindly convert such envy into acceptance. Allowing themselves to be happy for others. But you..." He barks loudly, "are beyond that. Taking out such aggression on those people that were fortunate enough to find someone to love and care for them!" Those same confident footsteps head toward the door, stopping just as he side it open. "Until you fight these hateful demons of your mind, you worse fear will meet you and you will be the last one without out someone!" And violently, he jerks the door closed as I hear angry footsteps marching away.
In a delayed reaction, I rushed to my feet and turned around. "Shigure!" I yelled helplessly at the close door. Only a empty room. I tried to retain a calm composure but the sickening feeling in my gut, rejected my simple request. Falling to my knees, I slammed my fist furiously into the hard wooden floor. Allowing the pain to seep into my knuckles as I repeated the action again, and again, and again. "I hate you, Shigure!" I found myself hollering at the invisible figure. "I hate you..."
You accused me of child like behavior and aggression driven by jealousy! Why would I be jealous of them?! Why?! Because they've found love?! Because they are able to love in return?! Because...because...
"They are able to...live...?!"
A single tear found its way to my cold eyes. A tear I thought to be almost nonexistent, a tear I had never in my life thought to shed. A single tear which fell to the ground and scattered its broken pieces across the floor. Like glass, its meaning is clear, and it hurts.
It's because of them I feel this pain. It's because they can love...to live. And they live...to love. Two unreachable possession I can never obtain. A life, one without fear of my soon to come demise and love; an emotion I could grasp if only I ad enough time. Even if I managed this impossible feat, I would only love long enough to hurt and be hurt. The realization of having found love only to lose it in a matter of days would be too great a pain for the both of us.
My best chance of happiness in this life time is to continue to endure more pain. As long as I hurt others...I won't be missed...I won't be loved. I wouldn't lose the precious gift of having found a friend and being torn so suddenly from that friend. By causing others pain...I can save them...from the greatest pain. The pain of loss, death. As long as I can save them from that pain, I can be happy. I can live, knowing they were spared from such suffering; even if it was only for a few more days.
So, I'm not jealous. I'm not. I know I'm not. Their days of suffering have just begun with a prolonged life. But me, my pain is near finish. I only have a few more days...
A/N: How was the first chapter, I know its a surprise for anyone to see Akito cry, but as he explained this is a first for him as well! So please review and keep alert for the next chapter!