Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Easily Broken ❯ Woe Is Me And The Tear I Cry ( Chapter 2 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

The sun quickly hid its shy head behind the horizon as the moon came into clear view. What had started out as such a promising day had weakly faded into a depressing and mournful evening. Shigure, after so suddenly leaving Akito's place, walked home in the looming darkness. He was pleasantly met with four friendly pair of eyes. Two belonging to his cousins, Yuki and Kyou, who were hoping to be married soon; though everyone had their doubts about Akito allowing such a marriage. And the other pair of concerned welcoming eyes belong to an easily accepting past admirer of Kyou; Kagura. Tooru as well was among the other Sohmas

"So why did you go visit Akito today?" The kind brunet asked, curious to what they had spoken of. Everyone around the Sohma house, knew Shigure and Hatori were the only people who could sustain an actual conversation with the rowdy teen.

"My intention was to ask if he would allow Yuki and Kyou's marriage, but I treaded upon a new subject." He sighed remorsefully, pulling some of his short hair from his face. "But if I had asked, I still doubt he would approve."

"Why is it he hates us so much?" Kyou interrupted with a pout, he crossed his arms and sneered at the thought of the rude man. "We've all spent most of our lives obeying him and his ungrateful ego, but he won't even allow his own family to wed."

"It is because he fears such exposure to love, will encourage him to seek out this relationship. If he sees others in love, he will no doubly be jealous." Kagura answered before Shigure could explain.

"If you ask me, I think he gets kicks out of watching us all suffer like him. Just because he is destined to be lonely and miserable for the rest of his pathetic life, doesn't mean we all should have the same fate." Kyou complemented angrily. "I myself, couldn't be happier his cruel rein over the Sohma family is coming to an end. The moment he leaves, we will finally be able to marry." He smiled to the quiet man beside him.

"Don't say such things! If he was to hear you speck of him in this manner, he would ensure his last days would be spent making you suffer more!" Kagura was quick to respond upon hearing such a wish from the disrespectful cat. "Plus, others do not feel as you do..." She whispered, looking concernedly at Shigure.

"It's alright Kagura, everyone is entitled to their own opinions. No matter how cruel and unfair they may seem to others." Shigure replied coldly glaring at Kyou. "But such speculations are unfair and mislead. I for one, would consider Akito a misunderstood soul. He has his reasons for treating others the way he does. You must be patient and kind with hearts such as his. If you expect too much of him, it will surely back firer."

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you were defending him!" Kyou stepped forward, looking Shigure in the eye. "You have a lot of confidence if you think you, a simple writer, can claim the heart of Akito. He will merely push you aside every time you try to understand him."

"I don't intend to claim anything, at the very most...I want to be his friend." Shigure, furious with the criticism from Kyou, glowered at the young male and headed for his room. "Unlike you, I won't leave anyone to die alone like all the rest before him. I may have agreed to help you and Yuki convince him to let you marry, but I'm not going to pretend to be his friend. Even he deserves more than that." And with that, se viciously slammed the door to his room.

"Why is he like that?" Kyou asked no one in particular.

"Shigure has always felt sorry for Akito." Tooru finally spoke up after the long silence during the conversation. "He may not show it, but Shigure sees his need for a friend. Even though he refused such an offer, Shigure is determined to provide him with that shoulder to lean on when he needed it. Yet, he still denies Shigure as a friend, Shigure continues to push forward. In a way, Shigure has already considered himself as his one and only friend."

"Well he shouldn't! A position like that only leads to misery and sorrow. Once he is gone, he will find himself miserable." Kyou barked in response. "Akito will bite his head off if he finds out this plan anyway."

***

I want to say Shigure's words had fallen on deaf ears, but I would be lying. It was an unmistakable truth I had to face. And it wouldn't be the first time I had to admit Shigure's words had meaning. He, who I least expect, understood so much about the world and people. It baffled me to the very brink of insanity. I, who had never lived one day outside of my shell, my mansion's wall; would never grasp such knowledge. Yet, such a simple heart such as his has manage to untangle the complex threads of humanity. Meaningless words in any other order had such great value when rearranged.

The very next day I demanded Shigure come see me again. Others believed I was angered by his words and demanded a apology from him. But I was curious, and like all the other times; my curiosity drove my unreasonable actions. Shigure arrived to my room, an uncooperative glare held strong on his face. I wondered if he still found me childish for my explanation yesterday. I deserver his criticism now more than ever. Unlike the day before, I give him my full attention, though my eyes are to the garden outside. I look forward to what he has to say. But knowing Shigure, he would never apologize for stating the truth, even if rumors of my requesting he apologize reached him. So I await some stern comment on my behavior yesterday or my childish pride that won't allow him to get away with what he had said to me.

"You asked for me, Akito?" He relies politely, failing in an attempt to hide frustration and annoyance. I simply nod in response. He waits for my explanation, but receives none. Instead he speaks again, "what is it you have me do? Is there anything you want from me?" I sensed much stress in his voice and pretend I didn't hear him.

"You left without my consent yesterday. My only indention is you make up for it now." I answered with a smug expression. I want nothing more than to see his angered expression when I said this, but I must appear to be unaffected by his presence. Allowing several minutes to go by, I finally give him approval to leave. I hear him sigh in great exasperation.

"You aren't arrogant, so why are you pretending to be!" He yells at me suddenly, nearly making me jump. "Why are you trying to hide how you really feel behind stupid actions such as these?!" He points at me menacingly, and instead of ignoring his remark I bark back.

"And how do you know how I really feel?! I'm not hiding anything! I am being myself!" I regret my action the next moment. In his eyes I must look like a child, arguing against the truth.

"You're hiding everything! You're not a real jerk, you're not even selfish!" His glower look at me makes me shake. I hesitate to yell back, so he calms down. "You're nothing like the malicious person you pretend to be."

My self-grown pride enables me to look him in the eye when I answer. "How do you know anything?" I growled under breath. I suddenly felt my rash verbal assault had wounded him.

"I would know if you told me..." He answered softly with a hurt look. With such a soothing tone, he had managed to corrupt my doggedness with mercy and pity. I wanted to feel mad, angered by his suspicion, but he made me erased such intentions from my mind. I plopped back down on the hard floor with a loud thud, crossing my arms and facing away from him. I suppose he wanted a certain reaction from me, because he didn't leave.

It irritated me greatly. Here I was wanting time to sulk in my misery alone and he won't let me. I hate her. He just had to sound all smart and comforting. If not for him being so gentle and sensitive to me , I would have back handed him long ago like any other disrespectful member of this house hold. I sulk pathetically to myself in silence regardless of his presence or not. I mournfully watched the white cheerful bird outside, hating it, overwhelming it with glower looks of death. I wanted it dead. Even if I were the one to do it. I smirked wickedly at the thought of squeezing the life out of the aggravating creature that plague my very thoughts with its existence and cheerfulness. I would laugh relentlessly as the once vibrant moving bird struggling in my grip, slowed its meaningless resistance and quietly drifted into a motionless and irreversible sleep.

I could feel Shigure's revolting glare at me as he became aware of my sinful thoughts and sneered his nose up as if to smell the most putrid and vile odor ever invented. I secretly laugh at his inward reaction, it was somehow amusing to see what affects I have on him. But soon I became bored with him gawking presence and decided to finally acknowledge him in conversation, so that he may leave soon.

"Can you see it?" I ask, pointing yonder into the luscious garden with beautiful blossoms illuminating the dull yard. Perched politely on a gentle reddish chrysanthemum, that very bird that I had thoughts of destruction only moments before. He looked in front of me and in the direction of my boney, pale index finger.

"A dove?" He answered more than he meant to ask. I nodded graciously and smirked, though it did no good if he could not see my face from where she stood.

"Yes, that annoying creature." I answered. "Tell me...to you what does it represent."

He stared at me as if I had a second head growing from my neck and finally answered. "Something precious. A holy and sacred presence." He finished bluntly, awaiting my response. When I gave none, he continued. "A manifestation of joy, peace, and good fortune to those deserving it."

I waited for more but he stopped and I decided to speak once more. "And how do you feel when you see this creature?" He was about to corrected me on how he just told me that but I quickly stopped him. "Oh, no. You simply told me what you think it means by influences of others. I want your own personal opinion."

He remained quiet and in thought for awhile and then nervously spoke. "Happy?" He said with question. "I...I feel hopeful. Renewed with faith and trust. I feel encouraged, inspired." He hesitated once more in waiting for my purpose for asking such questions.

"Do you know what I feel?" I ask back, sounding rather scary and possessed. He reluctantly nods and I smile. "I feel hate." I say bluntly. I suddenly feel his jaw drop in surprise. How could I possibly receive that feeling from such a gifted spirit such as the dove? "I feel pain. I feel envy." His jaw rejoins the rest of his mouth as he takes on a hurt expression as if he knows what I will say next. "That one bird feels me with enough anger and hatred, I can barely contain it. I despise it so. Its cheerful carelessness. I wonder if it spends even one second thinking of the emotions its caused. To those with hope, they feel as you do...but to those without...we only feel pain. It is the dove that resurrects the feeling of new hope and joy. But why is it playing favorites." I sneered up suddenly and stand, glaring angrily at the bird. "It is here to taunt me. It continues to linger in my presence, flaunting its beautiful purity and spirit, never giving me one day without its cruelty. I can only remember seeing this bird around here for the longest. But not once has it done me the honors of bestowing its blessing upon me. I feel no happiness or optimism when I see it, only hopelessness and despair."

"Its not his duty to arouse such emotion in people. It's our hearts that allow us to feel them when we see him. Your heart just doesn't think it symbolizes joy." He explained best he could. No wonder he was a romance writer, every word that proceeds out of his mouth is a piece of poetry in a way.

"It gives hope...but there is no hope!" I yelled at it, causing it to flutter its wings in astonishment. "There is no hope...at least not for me. So stop rubbing it in my face." I nearly beg, bowing my head in defeat.

"Akito..." I hear his voice sounding concerned.

"At a time, I had hope. But it quickly faded when reality finally seeped in. Those like me...we are not meant to have faith." A shy tear much like the one yesterday found its way to my eye and tenderly rolled down my pale, untouched cheek. "It hurts more to hope...." I slowly turn to Shigure, allowing him to see tears no other has seen before. He gasped at seeing my weak foundation, as I mournfully dropped to my knees once more. He rushed over to my side and surprisingly enough he embraced me for the first time.

No one had ever held me. Yet, here he was, holding me like I'd imagine my mother would. His arms encircled me and cradled my shivering figure in them. Never before had I felt such warmth from another, such safety and comfort. He drew my head into the nape of his neck and 'shh'ed me soothingly like a babe. His scent was alluring and sweet like the stinky, sugary nectar from a flower. It was pleasant and calming, working just as hard as he was to calm my tears.

"I hate them...." I mumbled between us. He didn't reply and just held me there. "Why can't I...?" There is so many words I want to finish the fragment with, but I knew I couldn't say them all. I wanted to have them all answered. Why couldn't I be loved and cared for like the rest? Why can't I live, even if it was to live without love? I could just live. Why couldn't I, in all of my despising and loathing the people that could love, hate Shigure? He was one of them. I knew with his kind spirit, he would grow to have many suitors and admirers. But something told me deep down...he would never choose any of them. I truly wanted to hate Shigure...but I couldn't. I knew eventually he would betray me in this unspoken attachment I've developed for him. He couldn't remain unloved and unwed when I was soon to be dead.

Finally he whispers in the midst of my tears. "It's okay Akito, its okay. Because you don't have to be alone anymore. We can hope together..." He whimpers softly into my ear. If I hadn't known better I would think he was crying too.

His words were kind. But I knew what truth they lacked. It was impossible. There is no hope to have. Nothing to hope for. Everything I've ever none is lost or will be lost. Everything. And Everyone.

A/N: I worked really hard trying to improve my writing and grammar/spelling, so please tell me I did well^_^It took me a long time to finally get the emotions to come out like I wanted. I know Shigure may seem alittle OCC, but I think writers change how they talk and act when around others, I know I do, lol. Please review, I’m already half way done with the third chapter! I was hope for reviews before I post it this weekend!