Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction / Saiyuki Reload Fan Fiction / Saiyuki Reload Gunlock Fan Fiction ❯ Episode1: Truly,Madly,Deeply ❯ Lethal Weapon ( Chapter 3 )

III. LETHAL WEAPON/ THE TOUGHEST ENEMY EVER

 

In which the Sanzo-ikkou come to grasps with their growing notoriety among youkai, and they encounter a very devious plot indeed… The toughest enemy is… themselves?

 

 

A.

 

The Sanzo-ikkou shake their heads as they walk off, the field behind them littered with a mess of dead youkai.

 

“'Ch. Even small fry on the streets are after us now…” Sanzo mutters as he lights a smoke.

 

“Uh-huh… It's tough being so popular, ne?” Goku grins, hands laced behind his head.

 

“Shouldn't our wanted poster be up somewhere?” drawls the kappa.

 

“Yare yare… I don't look good in pictures,” jokes Hakkai. “Oh!” He stoops and picks up a flyer. “Speak of the devil…” Hakkai whistles, then grins.

 

Goku crowds beside him. The monkey gasps, then growls angrily. Sanzo and Gojyo draw close as well. They stare at the advertisement.

 

“WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE (preferably DEAD!), WHENEVER AND WHEREVER:

 

THE ROGUE PRIEST, GENJO SANZO

 

THE ROGUE'S LOVER, SHA GOJYO

 

THE ROGUE'S PET, i.e. BOTTOMLESS PIT: SON GOKU

 

THE ROGUE'S PERSONAL CHEF, ASSISTANT, NURSE, AND PET'S NANNY: CHO HAKKAI.

 

NAME YOUR REWARD.

 

Free ice cream for capturing the dragon as well.”

 

Below is a blurry snapshot taken on one of the occasions when they all had to share a room: Hakkai sitting on one bed darning socks; Goku in the opposite bed lost in a mountain of Oreos and Doritos wrappers, Hakuryu sprawled on the third bed, peacefully asleep… and on the fourth bed, Sanzo pillowed on Gojyo's lap as they watch TV.

 

“Mmm… Rogue… I like that,” Gojyo growls in Sanzo's ear.

 

“'Ch. I like the lover part better,” Sanzo smirks, and turns his head to lock lips with the kappa.

 

“Huh! It's insulting, that's what it is!” Goku frowns crossly.

 

“Nande, Goku? It's all true, you know,” Hakkai smiles amusedly.

 

“Grrr… I am NOT anyone's pet, dammit!!!”

 

 

B.

 

Hakkai, Goku and Gojyo depart for some grocery shopping.

 

“Oi. I ran out of cigarettes. Get some,” Sanzo orders.

 

“What good is spoiling this corrupt monk, Hakkai?” demands Gojyo in frustration.

 

“Maa, maa, Gojyo… Sanzo has his own role,”

 

“Like what?” Goku asks, all innocence.

 

Twitch.

 

“Like being my helpless loveslave…” Gojyo purrs.

 

Sanzo rolls his eyes. “As if…”

 

Hakkai replies seriously. “You guys… don't forget, he holds the AnEx card.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“K'so…”

 

Sanzo smirks. “Huh!”

 

 

C.

 

“Oi. I ran out of cigarettes. Get some.”

 

“You know, it wouldn't hurt you to do some shopping of your own, Sanzo-sama,” remarks Gojyo.

 

“'Ch. What for?” Sanzo sniffs.

 

“So that's all I am to you? A body warmer by night and an errand boy by day?”

 

A golden eyebrow levitates noncommittally.

 

Gojyo shrugs. “Okay.” He turns away, closing the door. “Hayaku, Goku, Hakkai… I heard this town has some seriously pretty ladies… Might as well brush up on my flirting skills… Been getting a bit rusty lately,” he talks loudly.

 

“OI!” Sanzo throws a pillow at the door. “DIE, sonuvademon!”

 

The door opens a crack. “Just kidding, pumpkin pie…” Gojyo smacks his lips at Sanzo.

 

“Just get my smokes already!”

 

“Hai-hai…”

 

 

D.

 

“…Might as well brush up on my flirting skills…” Gojyo cups a hand and calls to the closed door. He jumps in surprise as the door jerks open.

 

“C'mere you damn kappa…”

 

Hakkai and Goku goggle as Sanzo bends Gojyo over his arm and kisses him senseless, eliciting deep helpless groans from the kappa's throat.

 

Sanzo releases Gojyo. Gojyo's eyes are glazed, his cheeks flushed and his lips swollen. Tiny red hearts dance happily around his head.

 

“Let's see you flirt after that,” Sanzo says smugly. “Go on, then. Be a good boy, you hear?”

 

“No, Sanzo sweet. My one and only love. Yes, Sanzo mine. Love of my life…” Gojyo sways away drunkenly.

 

Sanzo closes the door with a smirk.

 

Hakkai whistles. “Yare yare… and here I always thought that Sanzo was the uke…”

 

Goku snorts. “Wherever did you get such a crazy idea?”

 

Hakkai scratches his head. “It must be all the misleading fanfic all over the Internet…”

 

“Oi!” Gojyo yells. “Hayaku! The sooner we go, the sooner we get back…”

 

“Thank the gods we have separate rooms tonight…” mutters Goku darkly.

 

 

E.

 

 

Sanzo crouches down, tense, alert. The stupid chambermaid quakes in his arms as they both listen with straining ears for the intruder… the enemy who is the spitting mirror image of Sanzo.

 

Dammit, is he having a fucking nightmare? This has got to be the strangest foe he's ever encountered yet. And dammit he's almost out of bullets… and just when the others have gone out too… Hakkai's Chi Cannon would sure come in handy right about now, or even Goku's NyoiBou, or better yet the slashing chains of Jakujou…

 

Sanzo blinks, suddenly becoming sharply aware of the woman in his arms.

 

“Oi…” he murmurs softly.

 

“Nani?” the girl blushes.

 

Sanzo shoves her off roughly. The chambermaid yelps. “Stay away.”

 

If the kappa smells the flowery perfume on him, there'll be hell to pay later…

 

 

F.

 

Goku stares in wonder as Shikigami Hakkai pinches Shikigami Gojyo's bum.

 

“Oi, oi… Are you hitting on me, Hakkai?” Gojyo drawls, staring in disbelief.

 

“I hate to say it, but it seems that way.” Hakkai sweatdrops.

 

Goku exclaims suddenly. “This means…”

 

“You're right, Goku…” Hakkai breathes. They grin at each other, already tasting the satisfaction of throttling Sanzo, even a fake one. They turn to Gojyo…

 

…and find nothing but a cloud of dust as Gojyo sprints ahead madly, shouting jubilantly. “Two Sanzos! TWO! Man, I'm the luckiest kappa alive…”

 

 

G.

 

“Which one's the real one?” Gojyo demands eagerly.

 

“Umm… this one!” Goku points.

 

Twitch. Sanzo yells obscenities.

 

“Wrong guess, Goku!” Hakkai laughs.

 

“Right!” Gojyo rubs his palms together and saunters over to Shikigami Sanzo. “Leave this to me… Hehehe…”

 

Sanzo sticks a foot out.

 

Gojyo falls splat on his face.

 

“Dammit! Why the hell did you interrupt?!”

 

Sanzo stares back icily. “And just what did you think you were going to do, lover?” he challenges dangerously.

 

Gojyo grins. “Ravish him, of course…”

 

“I don't think so.”

 

“Nande? More of Sanzo to love…”

 

THWAK!

 

“Baka…”

 

Gojyo winces, grinning sheepishly… then suddenly narrows his eyes. He grabs Sanzo's shoulders and sniffs. Sanzo's eyes widen in alarm, and he flushes guiltily.

 

Gojyo stares hard into evasive purple eyes. “Oi, oi,” he drawls silkily. “And just what the hell are you doing wearing Chanel No. 5?!”

 

“You're babbling, kappa.”

 

“The hell I am! You only ever wear Davidoff's Cool Water! … or my Drakkar Noir… So how come you smell of a woman's perfume!?”

 

Sanzo runs a hand down his face. Damn chambermaid!

 

Gojyo rants on. “…You threaten my life each time I so much as glance at a pretty girl, and here you are dabbling on the side! Dammit, you should know I was joking earlier on about the flirting, you goddamn cheating bastard…”

 

“Urusei! You have so little faith in me, goddamn erogappa?!”

 

“Yare yare, will you two settle this later, please? We have our hands full at the moment!” Hakkai glares at them, his hands on his hips.

 

“Um…” Goku taps Hakkai's shoulder. “Actually, it's just two against two.”

 

Hakkai turns and beholds Shikigami Goku and Shikigami Sanzo in challenging poses. Shikigami Hakkai and Shikigami Gojyo are busy making out. Meanwhile, the real Sanzo grabs the real Gojyo and grinds his mouth hard against the kappa's to shut him up.

 

From behind the tree, the Shikigami Master scratches his head, and snaps his fingers. “Darn… I knew there was a flaw in my design somewhere… It's the kappa and the priest, not the kappa and the healer!”

 

“Yosh!” Hakkai smiles gleefully, summoning a chi cannon and facing Shikigami Sanzo. “At last… hehehe…”

 

“OI!” Goku protests. “Who said you get the pleasure of beating him up? I get more abuse from him…”

 

“Demo—“

 

“No way, Hakkai! It's payback time for all the whacks and the gunshots!”

 

“Tell you what, let's play rock-paper-scissors for it, how about that?”

 

Goku scowls. “Fine! Best of three!”

 

The monkey and the healer face each other, concentration masking their brows as their hands do the duel. Beyond them, Gojyo wilts in Sanzo's arms in rapturous surrender.

 

Shikigami Goku and Shikigami Sanzo scratch their heads, and shrug at their master.

 

The Shikigami Master blinks. “This is the invincible Sanzo ikkou?!…”