Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Friends Will Be Friends ❯ Bitter Tears Raining Down On Me ( Chapter 2 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: Caitilin 
The other pilots unwittingly take their frustrations out on a stressed Trowa
Anime/Manga: Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Psychological / Angst | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 10.16.2005 | Pages: 8 | Words: 6.6K | Visits: 582 | Status: Work In Progress
The other pilots unwittingly take their frustrations out on a stressed Trowa
Anime/Manga: Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Psychological / Angst | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 10.16.2005 | Pages: 8 | Words: 6.6K | Visits: 582 | Status: Work In Progress
Bitter Tears Raining Down On Me
I was about to get up from my desk and go home when the phone rang. Looking
at the number display, I flicked it onto audio only and picked up the
handset. We weren't forbidden from getting personal calls, but this job
required me to be virtually friendless and family-less as far as everyone
else was concerned. It was a good thing that I hacked into the system days
ago and determined that audio only calls were rarely monitored, or Quatre
may have given me away. He still might have.
'Yes?' I asked
'Hiya Trowa, we're out of food and we thought you could do some shopping on
the way back?'. They did now, did they?
' I see' I replied, neutrally. I didn't want to encourage him, after all,
the four of them had been mission planning all day, but it was only half a
mile to the store.
'Heero is asking for veggies, we all want snacks, Wufei needs soy sauce and
noodles, and I'm out of ice cream as well as chocolate sauce. We've got the
rest covered. " Damn. My supervisor was giving me far to interested a look
now.
"I'm glad to hear that"
"Ok then, bye! "
Just then the supervisor came over again, and I hoped that maybe, just
maybe, he wasn't going to give me even more of a hard time. After all, he'd
had his pound of flesh earlier today, when he had laid into me for several
things I didn't do, but couldn't prove I didn't do. And of course, as the
new boy, I had to have been the guilty party.
"You are aware of course, that company policy states you are not to receive
personal calls during working hours" he started to censure me. I had had
quite enough of this for today, and stood, forcing him to take a step back.
He was also no longer lording over me, as I was taller than him.
"Then it is a good thing that it was out of hours, hmm?"
"Are you getting smart with me Barton? As if you are, then you can just walk
out that door and keep going". For a moment I considered it, but I knew that
if I did, I would never succeed at my mission. For that, I had to put up
with this. Slipping back into the meek persona I had worn all day, I let my
shoulders droop and my head hang a teeny amount. Signalling defeat with my
body, I turned around and faced him.
"No Sir."
"Then what was that call about? " he asked, just as loudly
"My stepsister just delivered twins". Quatre was not going to appreciate
that if he ever found out, but I considered it mildy funny.
The super seemed to deflate at this, and with a small wave of his hand said
"Get out of here Barton. I want to see you back here tomorrow morning on
time, understoond?". I nodded, turned and left.
Going home I mused on what to get, snacks was not a very good description,
and neither was veggies. I could just turn around and get their favorites,
or maybe we could be more adventerous and try some other things. No, I
decided. They had all had several missions, in the last few weeks. There had
been downtime, but comfort food was a good thing. Picking up Quatre's
favorite icecream, I noticed they had a two for one deal, and picked up a
tub for myself as well, paid, and hefted all the plastic bags onto my arms.
I would have preferred to have my arms free, but in this instance, i had no
other choice and I could drop them quickly if need be.
Two miles further, I was sincerely regretting not having any other method of
carrying the bags, as my shins where getting thoroughly bruised and one of
the bags had already split. Hoisting the split bag onto my hip, I felt the
chill of icecream go through me as I hiked on.
After the war had ended, I had been offered a job at the Preventers and
taken it, so I was still doing regular missions. Heero and Wufei had as
well, and Quatre had agreed to be a part time consultant. He did, after all,
still have Winner Enterprises to run. What we hadn't counted on was Lady Une
making a big flap about having Gundam Pilots on her staff, and even though
none of us had wanted it, Heero, Wufei and myself became quite well known.
Quatre, we had all agreed, should not be known as a Gundam Pilot, that would
do serious harm to Winner Enterprises. So we hedged on any question on who
the other two pilots where. After a very large party, Duo had dissapeared on
us. We first thought he needed to clear his head, or had gone of with Hilde,
who had left the same day. We weren't too worried, Duo sometimes needed a
day or two away from things to sort his head. But the hours became days, the
days weeks, and now, we were almost three months on. To say we were
concerned would have been an understatement, after all, if we knew he had
wanted to leave us, that would have been one thing, but to just vanish? Very
unlike Duo, and with each passing day without any communication, the chance
that he was dead was growing.
That is why the four of us where crowded into my small appartment. The
others had were on downtime, sick leave, or vacation, I was the only one of
us with a current mission going. I was the only one of us four still
working, but even with the three of them working all days, and all four of
us working all evenings we had not been able to find Duo.
Putting half the bags down carefully, I tried to work the lock with my off
hand, finally succeeding only to have the door jam on me. Frustrated by the
day I had had, our lack of success and the heavy bags, I kicked the door. It
opened. Well, who said brute force and ignorance doesn't occasionally
triumph?
Upstairs, mail clamped between the torn bag and myself, I again worked the
lock with my off hand. It's a good thing i'm close to ambidexterous, though
I was a little annoyed that none of the other pilots had helped. I could
understand them locking the door though, even with the security of the main
frontdoor, there is no human on duty and even if there was, none of us would
trust anyone else to protect us. And there where still a lot of people out
there who would love to settle the score with a Gundam Pilot or two. With a
deep breath, I let go of my annoyance. It wasn't worth it.
Inside the others where sitting over their laptops, in animated conversation
about a security procedure online. I must have come in once it had been
raging for a while, as they where deep into technicalities. Right now, I did
not have the energy for it, so I went to put away the groceries. The fridge
was as I remembered it, bare, except from half a loaf of bread going green
rapidly. I chucked it and washed my fingers. How the others could live like
this, I didn't know. Usually I got something to eat at work, but by the look
of the pizza boxes that had appeared since yesterday morning, the others had
not bothered getting much.
After putting things away, I made myself a large mug of coffee and drinks
for everyone else, and brought them in. They where quiet now, engrossed in
their various searches and barely acknowledged their drinks, though Quatre
did smile a thank you. Both of my favorite chairs where taken, not that I
begrudged them to anyone, so I sat down on the floor next to the window. I
had barely sat down, and taken a sip, when Heero broke the silence.
" We all have searches that run for another hour and a half, can you make
dinner for then?"
For one moment I considered declining. After all, in an hour and a half I
could start up a search too, and one of them could cook, but in all
realities, I was the worst programmer of the four of us, so I nodded. 'Yes'.
Sitting and drinking my coffee, I relaxed a bit. I would be glad when this
mission was over, as the hours where pretty gruelling and I wanted to help
too. Standing up, I took in the mess that was now the living room. Pizza
boxes everwhere and a good deal of my posessions had been moved. Yes, I, a
gundam pilot who was always on the run, had tried to make this appartment a
home. With a small sigh, I moved back into the kitchen. With what I had, I
decided on a large, multicultural stir fry, and was glad that I had brought
a good amount of food in tins some months back. Actually, the others should
have realised that as well if they had have opened the cupboards.
Chopping the onions, swedes, turnips and other vegetables, I felt my
annoyance at the state of everything dissipate, but tiredness was creeping
in. For this mission I had been working sixteen hour days for the last
month, with a lot of early morning work. I hated early mornings, they always
left me feeling on edge. The only way people should see 4 am is from the
evening side of it, not as a time to get up. Of course, once I'd done that,
I would come home and either help the other pilots search, or try and get
this place in order. We had been intensifying our search over the last
month, untill three days ago I suggested the others move in here
temporarily, but this appartment was not built for so many people. In other
words, I was losing the fight with the dirty plates, washing and grime. Not
that I minded, if we got Duo back, but it was feeling unhygenic to me, and I
disliked that unless there was no other choice.
Putting everything on to fry, I started the washing up, occasionally
stirring or adding some more to the large pan. I managed to get more washed
up than we'd need for eating, so that was a marginal win. Sticking my head
out the door, I announced that dinner was served, in my best butler voice.
By the looks of it, it was not appreciated, but they all trooped in, took
their plates and cutlery, then trooped straight back to their laptops. Heero
never said anything, Quatre, being the post polite told me it smelled good.
Wufei just frowned, probably at the thought of noodle and vegetable stir
fry. Moving several of the pizza boxes, I found myself a corner of the couch
that was not already occupied, and sat down, but found I wasn't that hungry
when Wufei announced
'We're losing. '
I quirked an eyebrow. Really, he was going to have to be more eloquent than
that. Or at least more informative
'Maxwell is winning. He is staying hidden and we are not finding him. We've
done all we can so far and we're still losing.'
Putting down my plate, I booted up my laptop. After all, the implication was
that with my help we might have, and I wanted to see Duo too. We work best
as a group.
Starting a search to run, I collected the three empty plates and my nibbled
at plate, and went to do the washing up. While I was watching a storm brew
outside, my hands cleaned almost automatically, and I was surprised by
Quatre standing next to me, with a dish towel who started to dry.
'You don't have to cook you know. We can get takeout, and we'd much rather
you helped look for Duo.I'm surprised you're geting anything done between
Preventers and this. '
He was surprised I got anything done......
For a moment there I was speechless. 'Leave the dishes, I'll dry them. You
continue looking for Duo' I said.
My throat was starting to hurt quite acutely. How I got anything done.
Hadn't they noticed that I was the only thing between them and this
appartment becoming a landfill? That I was the one that kept the groceries
coming into the house, and loaned the small car that I had brought, so they
could run and check leads? That I was the one keeping hte bills payed on not
only my appartement, but arranged all the administration for theirs too?
Well, except for Quatre, he has servants to do that.
They had not noticed any of it.
Quatre, it seemed, accepted my offer and put the towel down. I picked it up
and started drying the cups, plates, and cutlery, as well as the pans, my
mind still focussed outside. It was only when I was done that I noticed
wetness on my cheeks and realised that I had been crying. My breathing was
still focussed, so I dried my face with the dish cloth and started putting
things away, when a brighter flash than normal lit the kitchen, and a crash
followed less than a second later. The storm was directly above us, and
looking out of the window, the rain was coming down in sheets. I wonder
where Duo was in all this.
Another flash of light, and another crash, and the lights went out. Walking
into the other room, the others where lit by their screens, seemingly
oblivious to the storm. My laptop however, was dead. It had been plugged
into the wall, and a closer inspection indicated that the surge protector it
was attached to had not been strong enough. I now had an expensive doorstop.
Rubbing my hands over my face, I didn't notice the others looking at me. I
was tired, and wanted to go to bed, but wanted Duo found even more. I wasn't
at the best of my game, so sue me for not noticing.
'Status?'
'Laptop's down.'
Silence reigned again. Looking around and to the clock on the wall I found
it was past ten already, but I didn't think I would disturb the neigbours if
I cleaned up some. I wouldn't be too loud, and if I was, they where unlikely
to complain, and if they did it would be worth it. What I hadn't counted on
was Chang complaining.
' If you can't help, can you at least get out of the way of those of us who
can do something?' he virtually snarled. A sure sign he was short on sleep
too. I know they've all been up all hours of the day and night, mostly
napping while searches ran. Still, that comment hurt too. It wasn't that I
didn't want to help!
'I'm going for a walk' I announced, slipping on my jacket. Outside the storm
was still raging, but a walk might make me feel better. I deliberately
everything behind but my keyes, and walked out. Large splotches of rain
pelted down, broken up with the occasional rumble or crack of thunder and
bright flash of lightning. In the distance I could hear sirens, but they
where moving away. I walked the half a mile or so to my local park, and by
the time I got there I had crossed veritable fords, and braved calf-deep
water. It seemed like the heavens themselves had opened up and decided to
drop the contents of a lake on the town.
The grass was soggy and squishy under my feet, and even with my night vision
I couldn't see much in my park. It would be to wet to sit under my usual
tree, my favorite thinking-spot locally, but the bench near by was an
acceptable alternative. There, I looked around carefully and could see
nobody. I didn't expect anyone to be out in the streaming rain, but it never
hurts to be carefull.
Seeing nobody I finally let the tight leash I had on my emotions slip, and
my already sore throat seemed to tighten up even more as tears welled up and
stung in my eyes. I don't cry easily, but the comments this evening hurt. I
know I had not done much, but I had tried to allow the others to do what
they do best by supporting them. And I was still working. And I was tired,
and I wanted my friends back, all of them. Not these focussed clones sitting
in my living room. I went over my days in my mind, there was nothing else I
could give, without throwing the mission. If I had to I would but that would
ruin a lot of hard work, and Lady Une would not be happy. I would if I had
to though. But aside from that, there was nothing else I could give, no more
I could do, at least until I bought and ste up a laptop, and that would
totally ruin my budget for the next few months. I was still going to do it,
but was resigning myself fast to eating onion soup and other very cheap
dishes a lot. But their comments, even if not spitefully meant, they hurt.
From strangers, they wouldn't even have registered, but from my
friends....and none of them had even noticed I walked out, by the lack of
reaction. Maybe I truly should remain a nobody, with no name...but that was
how they knew me. The rain came down harder, and I knew I was relatively
safe here, nobody could see me, and even if they could, they wouldn't be
able to tell if the water on my face was plain or salty. Even though there
was nobody around, nobody to hear, I cried bitter tears, silently, as the
skies dropped their tears on me.
The end?
Bitter Tears Raining Down On Me
I was about to get up from my desk and go home when the phone rang. Looking
at the number display, I flicked it onto audio only and picked up the
handset. We weren't forbidden from getting personal calls, but this job
required me to be virtually friendless and family-less as far as everyone
else was concerned. It was a good thing that I hacked into the system days
ago and determined that audio only calls were rarely monitored, or Quatre
may have given me away. He still might have.
'Yes?' I asked
'Hiya Trowa, we're out of food and we thought you could do some shopping on
the way back?'. They did now, did they?
' I see' I replied, neutrally. I didn't want to encourage him, after all,
the four of them had been mission planning all day, but it was only half a
mile to the store.
'Heero is asking for veggies, we all want snacks, Wufei needs soy sauce and
noodles, and I'm out of ice cream as well as chocolate sauce. We've got the
rest covered. " Damn. My supervisor was giving me far to interested a look
now.
"I'm glad to hear that"
"Ok then, bye! "
Just then the supervisor came over again, and I hoped that maybe, just
maybe, he wasn't going to give me even more of a hard time. After all, he'd
had his pound of flesh earlier today, when he had laid into me for several
things I didn't do, but couldn't prove I didn't do. And of course, as the
new boy, I had to have been the guilty party.
"You are aware of course, that company policy states you are not to receive
personal calls during working hours" he started to censure me. I had had
quite enough of this for today, and stood, forcing him to take a step back.
He was also no longer lording over me, as I was taller than him.
"Then it is a good thing that it was out of hours, hmm?"
"Are you getting smart with me Barton? As if you are, then you can just walk
out that door and keep going". For a moment I considered it, but I knew that
if I did, I would never succeed at my mission. For that, I had to put up
with this. Slipping back into the meek persona I had worn all day, I let my
shoulders droop and my head hang a teeny amount. Signalling defeat with my
body, I turned around and faced him.
"No Sir."
"Then what was that call about? " he asked, just as loudly
"My stepsister just delivered twins". Quatre was not going to appreciate
that if he ever found out, but I considered it mildy funny.
The super seemed to deflate at this, and with a small wave of his hand said
"Get out of here Barton. I want to see you back here tomorrow morning on
time, understoond?". I nodded, turned and left.
Going home I mused on what to get, snacks was not a very good description,
and neither was veggies. I could just turn around and get their favorites,
or maybe we could be more adventerous and try some other things. No, I
decided. They had all had several missions, in the last few weeks. There had
been downtime, but comfort food was a good thing. Picking up Quatre's
favorite icecream, I noticed they had a two for one deal, and picked up a
tub for myself as well, paid, and hefted all the plastic bags onto my arms.
I would have preferred to have my arms free, but in this instance, i had no
other choice and I could drop them quickly if need be.
Two miles further, I was sincerely regretting not having any other method of
carrying the bags, as my shins where getting thoroughly bruised and one of
the bags had already split. Hoisting the split bag onto my hip, I felt the
chill of icecream go through me as I hiked on.
After the war had ended, I had been offered a job at the Preventers and
taken it, so I was still doing regular missions. Heero and Wufei had as
well, and Quatre had agreed to be a part time consultant. He did, after all,
still have Winner Enterprises to run. What we hadn't counted on was Lady Une
making a big flap about having Gundam Pilots on her staff, and even though
none of us had wanted it, Heero, Wufei and myself became quite well known.
Quatre, we had all agreed, should not be known as a Gundam Pilot, that would
do serious harm to Winner Enterprises. So we hedged on any question on who
the other two pilots where. After a very large party, Duo had dissapeared on
us. We first thought he needed to clear his head, or had gone of with Hilde,
who had left the same day. We weren't too worried, Duo sometimes needed a
day or two away from things to sort his head. But the hours became days, the
days weeks, and now, we were almost three months on. To say we were
concerned would have been an understatement, after all, if we knew he had
wanted to leave us, that would have been one thing, but to just vanish? Very
unlike Duo, and with each passing day without any communication, the chance
that he was dead was growing.
That is why the four of us where crowded into my small appartment. The
others had were on downtime, sick leave, or vacation, I was the only one of
us with a current mission going. I was the only one of us four still
working, but even with the three of them working all days, and all four of
us working all evenings we had not been able to find Duo.
Putting half the bags down carefully, I tried to work the lock with my off
hand, finally succeeding only to have the door jam on me. Frustrated by the
day I had had, our lack of success and the heavy bags, I kicked the door. It
opened. Well, who said brute force and ignorance doesn't occasionally
triumph?
Upstairs, mail clamped between the torn bag and myself, I again worked the
lock with my off hand. It's a good thing i'm close to ambidexterous, though
I was a little annoyed that none of the other pilots had helped. I could
understand them locking the door though, even with the security of the main
frontdoor, there is no human on duty and even if there was, none of us would
trust anyone else to protect us. And there where still a lot of people out
there who would love to settle the score with a Gundam Pilot or two. With a
deep breath, I let go of my annoyance. It wasn't worth it.
Inside the others where sitting over their laptops, in animated conversation
about a security procedure online. I must have come in once it had been
raging for a while, as they where deep into technicalities. Right now, I did
not have the energy for it, so I went to put away the groceries. The fridge
was as I remembered it, bare, except from half a loaf of bread going green
rapidly. I chucked it and washed my fingers. How the others could live like
this, I didn't know. Usually I got something to eat at work, but by the look
of the pizza boxes that had appeared since yesterday morning, the others had
not bothered getting much.
After putting things away, I made myself a large mug of coffee and drinks
for everyone else, and brought them in. They where quiet now, engrossed in
their various searches and barely acknowledged their drinks, though Quatre
did smile a thank you. Both of my favorite chairs where taken, not that I
begrudged them to anyone, so I sat down on the floor next to the window. I
had barely sat down, and taken a sip, when Heero broke the silence.
" We all have searches that run for another hour and a half, can you make
dinner for then?"
For one moment I considered declining. After all, in an hour and a half I
could start up a search too, and one of them could cook, but in all
realities, I was the worst programmer of the four of us, so I nodded. 'Yes'.
Sitting and drinking my coffee, I relaxed a bit. I would be glad when this
mission was over, as the hours where pretty gruelling and I wanted to help
too. Standing up, I took in the mess that was now the living room. Pizza
boxes everwhere and a good deal of my posessions had been moved. Yes, I, a
gundam pilot who was always on the run, had tried to make this appartment a
home. With a small sigh, I moved back into the kitchen. With what I had, I
decided on a large, multicultural stir fry, and was glad that I had brought
a good amount of food in tins some months back. Actually, the others should
have realised that as well if they had have opened the cupboards.
Chopping the onions, swedes, turnips and other vegetables, I felt my
annoyance at the state of everything dissipate, but tiredness was creeping
in. For this mission I had been working sixteen hour days for the last
month, with a lot of early morning work. I hated early mornings, they always
left me feeling on edge. The only way people should see 4 am is from the
evening side of it, not as a time to get up. Of course, once I'd done that,
I would come home and either help the other pilots search, or try and get
this place in order. We had been intensifying our search over the last
month, untill three days ago I suggested the others move in here
temporarily, but this appartment was not built for so many people. In other
words, I was losing the fight with the dirty plates, washing and grime. Not
that I minded, if we got Duo back, but it was feeling unhygenic to me, and I
disliked that unless there was no other choice.
Putting everything on to fry, I started the washing up, occasionally
stirring or adding some more to the large pan. I managed to get more washed
up than we'd need for eating, so that was a marginal win. Sticking my head
out the door, I announced that dinner was served, in my best butler voice.
By the looks of it, it was not appreciated, but they all trooped in, took
their plates and cutlery, then trooped straight back to their laptops. Heero
never said anything, Quatre, being the post polite told me it smelled good.
Wufei just frowned, probably at the thought of noodle and vegetable stir
fry. Moving several of the pizza boxes, I found myself a corner of the couch
that was not already occupied, and sat down, but found I wasn't that hungry
when Wufei announced
'We're losing. '
I quirked an eyebrow. Really, he was going to have to be more eloquent than
that. Or at least more informative
'Maxwell is winning. He is staying hidden and we are not finding him. We've
done all we can so far and we're still losing.'
Putting down my plate, I booted up my laptop. After all, the implication was
that with my help we might have, and I wanted to see Duo too. We work best
as a group.
Starting a search to run, I collected the three empty plates and my nibbled
at plate, and went to do the washing up. While I was watching a storm brew
outside, my hands cleaned almost automatically, and I was surprised by
Quatre standing next to me, with a dish towel who started to dry.
'You don't have to cook you know. We can get takeout, and we'd much rather
you helped look for Duo.I'm surprised you're geting anything done between
Preventers and this. '
He was surprised I got anything done......
For a moment there I was speechless. 'Leave the dishes, I'll dry them. You
continue looking for Duo' I said.
My throat was starting to hurt quite acutely. How I got anything done.
Hadn't they noticed that I was the only thing between them and this
appartment becoming a landfill? That I was the one that kept the groceries
coming into the house, and loaned the small car that I had brought, so they
could run and check leads? That I was the one keeping hte bills payed on not
only my appartement, but arranged all the administration for theirs too?
Well, except for Quatre, he has servants to do that.
They had not noticed any of it.
Quatre, it seemed, accepted my offer and put the towel down. I picked it up
and started drying the cups, plates, and cutlery, as well as the pans, my
mind still focussed outside. It was only when I was done that I noticed
wetness on my cheeks and realised that I had been crying. My breathing was
still focussed, so I dried my face with the dish cloth and started putting
things away, when a brighter flash than normal lit the kitchen, and a crash
followed less than a second later. The storm was directly above us, and
looking out of the window, the rain was coming down in sheets. I wonder
where Duo was in all this.
Another flash of light, and another crash, and the lights went out. Walking
into the other room, the others where lit by their screens, seemingly
oblivious to the storm. My laptop however, was dead. It had been plugged
into the wall, and a closer inspection indicated that the surge protector it
was attached to had not been strong enough. I now had an expensive doorstop.
Rubbing my hands over my face, I didn't notice the others looking at me. I
was tired, and wanted to go to bed, but wanted Duo found even more. I wasn't
at the best of my game, so sue me for not noticing.
'Status?'
'Laptop's down.'
Silence reigned again. Looking around and to the clock on the wall I found
it was past ten already, but I didn't think I would disturb the neigbours if
I cleaned up some. I wouldn't be too loud, and if I was, they where unlikely
to complain, and if they did it would be worth it. What I hadn't counted on
was Chang complaining.
' If you can't help, can you at least get out of the way of those of us who
can do something?' he virtually snarled. A sure sign he was short on sleep
too. I know they've all been up all hours of the day and night, mostly
napping while searches ran. Still, that comment hurt too. It wasn't that I
didn't want to help!
'I'm going for a walk' I announced, slipping on my jacket. Outside the storm
was still raging, but a walk might make me feel better. I deliberately
everything behind but my keyes, and walked out. Large splotches of rain
pelted down, broken up with the occasional rumble or crack of thunder and
bright flash of lightning. In the distance I could hear sirens, but they
where moving away. I walked the half a mile or so to my local park, and by
the time I got there I had crossed veritable fords, and braved calf-deep
water. It seemed like the heavens themselves had opened up and decided to
drop the contents of a lake on the town.
The grass was soggy and squishy under my feet, and even with my night vision
I couldn't see much in my park. It would be to wet to sit under my usual
tree, my favorite thinking-spot locally, but the bench near by was an
acceptable alternative. There, I looked around carefully and could see
nobody. I didn't expect anyone to be out in the streaming rain, but it never
hurts to be carefull.
Seeing nobody I finally let the tight leash I had on my emotions slip, and
my already sore throat seemed to tighten up even more as tears welled up and
stung in my eyes. I don't cry easily, but the comments this evening hurt. I
know I had not done much, but I had tried to allow the others to do what
they do best by supporting them. And I was still working. And I was tired,
and I wanted my friends back, all of them. Not these focussed clones sitting
in my living room. I went over my days in my mind, there was nothing else I
could give, without throwing the mission. If I had to I would but that would
ruin a lot of hard work, and Lady Une would not be happy. I would if I had
to though. But aside from that, there was nothing else I could give, no more
I could do, at least until I bought and ste up a laptop, and that would
totally ruin my budget for the next few months. I was still going to do it,
but was resigning myself fast to eating onion soup and other very cheap
dishes a lot. But their comments, even if not spitefully meant, they hurt.
From strangers, they wouldn't even have registered, but from my
friends....and none of them had even noticed I walked out, by the lack of
reaction. Maybe I truly should remain a nobody, with no name...but that was
how they knew me. The rain came down harder, and I knew I was relatively
safe here, nobody could see me, and even if they could, they wouldn't be
able to tell if the water on my face was plain or salty. Even though there
was nobody around, nobody to hear, I cried bitter tears, silently, as the
skies dropped their tears on me.
I was about to get up from my desk and go home when the phone rang. Looking
at the number display, I flicked it onto audio only and picked up the
handset. We weren't forbidden from getting personal calls, but this job
required me to be virtually friendless and family-less as far as everyone
else was concerned. It was a good thing that I hacked into the system days
ago and determined that audio only calls were rarely monitored, or Quatre
may have given me away. He still might have.
'Yes?' I asked
'Hiya Trowa, we're out of food and we thought you could do some shopping on
the way back?'. They did now, did they?
' I see' I replied, neutrally. I didn't want to encourage him, after all,
the four of them had been mission planning all day, but it was only half a
mile to the store.
'Heero is asking for veggies, we all want snacks, Wufei needs soy sauce and
noodles, and I'm out of ice cream as well as chocolate sauce. We've got the
rest covered. " Damn. My supervisor was giving me far to interested a look
now.
"I'm glad to hear that"
"Ok then, bye! "
Just then the supervisor came over again, and I hoped that maybe, just
maybe, he wasn't going to give me even more of a hard time. After all, he'd
had his pound of flesh earlier today, when he had laid into me for several
things I didn't do, but couldn't prove I didn't do. And of course, as the
new boy, I had to have been the guilty party.
"You are aware of course, that company policy states you are not to receive
personal calls during working hours" he started to censure me. I had had
quite enough of this for today, and stood, forcing him to take a step back.
He was also no longer lording over me, as I was taller than him.
"Then it is a good thing that it was out of hours, hmm?"
"Are you getting smart with me Barton? As if you are, then you can just walk
out that door and keep going". For a moment I considered it, but I knew that
if I did, I would never succeed at my mission. For that, I had to put up
with this. Slipping back into the meek persona I had worn all day, I let my
shoulders droop and my head hang a teeny amount. Signalling defeat with my
body, I turned around and faced him.
"No Sir."
"Then what was that call about? " he asked, just as loudly
"My stepsister just delivered twins". Quatre was not going to appreciate
that if he ever found out, but I considered it mildy funny.
The super seemed to deflate at this, and with a small wave of his hand said
"Get out of here Barton. I want to see you back here tomorrow morning on
time, understoond?". I nodded, turned and left.
Going home I mused on what to get, snacks was not a very good description,
and neither was veggies. I could just turn around and get their favorites,
or maybe we could be more adventerous and try some other things. No, I
decided. They had all had several missions, in the last few weeks. There had
been downtime, but comfort food was a good thing. Picking up Quatre's
favorite icecream, I noticed they had a two for one deal, and picked up a
tub for myself as well, paid, and hefted all the plastic bags onto my arms.
I would have preferred to have my arms free, but in this instance, i had no
other choice and I could drop them quickly if need be.
Two miles further, I was sincerely regretting not having any other method of
carrying the bags, as my shins where getting thoroughly bruised and one of
the bags had already split. Hoisting the split bag onto my hip, I felt the
chill of icecream go through me as I hiked on.
After the war had ended, I had been offered a job at the Preventers and
taken it, so I was still doing regular missions. Heero and Wufei had as
well, and Quatre had agreed to be a part time consultant. He did, after all,
still have Winner Enterprises to run. What we hadn't counted on was Lady Une
making a big flap about having Gundam Pilots on her staff, and even though
none of us had wanted it, Heero, Wufei and myself became quite well known.
Quatre, we had all agreed, should not be known as a Gundam Pilot, that would
do serious harm to Winner Enterprises. So we hedged on any question on who
the other two pilots where. After a very large party, Duo had dissapeared on
us. We first thought he needed to clear his head, or had gone of with Hilde,
who had left the same day. We weren't too worried, Duo sometimes needed a
day or two away from things to sort his head. But the hours became days, the
days weeks, and now, we were almost three months on. To say we were
concerned would have been an understatement, after all, if we knew he had
wanted to leave us, that would have been one thing, but to just vanish? Very
unlike Duo, and with each passing day without any communication, the chance
that he was dead was growing.
That is why the four of us where crowded into my small appartment. The
others had were on downtime, sick leave, or vacation, I was the only one of
us with a current mission going. I was the only one of us four still
working, but even with the three of them working all days, and all four of
us working all evenings we had not been able to find Duo.
Putting half the bags down carefully, I tried to work the lock with my off
hand, finally succeeding only to have the door jam on me. Frustrated by the
day I had had, our lack of success and the heavy bags, I kicked the door. It
opened. Well, who said brute force and ignorance doesn't occasionally
triumph?
Upstairs, mail clamped between the torn bag and myself, I again worked the
lock with my off hand. It's a good thing i'm close to ambidexterous, though
I was a little annoyed that none of the other pilots had helped. I could
understand them locking the door though, even with the security of the main
frontdoor, there is no human on duty and even if there was, none of us would
trust anyone else to protect us. And there where still a lot of people out
there who would love to settle the score with a Gundam Pilot or two. With a
deep breath, I let go of my annoyance. It wasn't worth it.
Inside the others where sitting over their laptops, in animated conversation
about a security procedure online. I must have come in once it had been
raging for a while, as they where deep into technicalities. Right now, I did
not have the energy for it, so I went to put away the groceries. The fridge
was as I remembered it, bare, except from half a loaf of bread going green
rapidly. I chucked it and washed my fingers. How the others could live like
this, I didn't know. Usually I got something to eat at work, but by the look
of the pizza boxes that had appeared since yesterday morning, the others had
not bothered getting much.
After putting things away, I made myself a large mug of coffee and drinks
for everyone else, and brought them in. They where quiet now, engrossed in
their various searches and barely acknowledged their drinks, though Quatre
did smile a thank you. Both of my favorite chairs where taken, not that I
begrudged them to anyone, so I sat down on the floor next to the window. I
had barely sat down, and taken a sip, when Heero broke the silence.
" We all have searches that run for another hour and a half, can you make
dinner for then?"
For one moment I considered declining. After all, in an hour and a half I
could start up a search too, and one of them could cook, but in all
realities, I was the worst programmer of the four of us, so I nodded. 'Yes'.
Sitting and drinking my coffee, I relaxed a bit. I would be glad when this
mission was over, as the hours where pretty gruelling and I wanted to help
too. Standing up, I took in the mess that was now the living room. Pizza
boxes everwhere and a good deal of my posessions had been moved. Yes, I, a
gundam pilot who was always on the run, had tried to make this appartment a
home. With a small sigh, I moved back into the kitchen. With what I had, I
decided on a large, multicultural stir fry, and was glad that I had brought
a good amount of food in tins some months back. Actually, the others should
have realised that as well if they had have opened the cupboards.
Chopping the onions, swedes, turnips and other vegetables, I felt my
annoyance at the state of everything dissipate, but tiredness was creeping
in. For this mission I had been working sixteen hour days for the last
month, with a lot of early morning work. I hated early mornings, they always
left me feeling on edge. The only way people should see 4 am is from the
evening side of it, not as a time to get up. Of course, once I'd done that,
I would come home and either help the other pilots search, or try and get
this place in order. We had been intensifying our search over the last
month, untill three days ago I suggested the others move in here
temporarily, but this appartment was not built for so many people. In other
words, I was losing the fight with the dirty plates, washing and grime. Not
that I minded, if we got Duo back, but it was feeling unhygenic to me, and I
disliked that unless there was no other choice.
Putting everything on to fry, I started the washing up, occasionally
stirring or adding some more to the large pan. I managed to get more washed
up than we'd need for eating, so that was a marginal win. Sticking my head
out the door, I announced that dinner was served, in my best butler voice.
By the looks of it, it was not appreciated, but they all trooped in, took
their plates and cutlery, then trooped straight back to their laptops. Heero
never said anything, Quatre, being the post polite told me it smelled good.
Wufei just frowned, probably at the thought of noodle and vegetable stir
fry. Moving several of the pizza boxes, I found myself a corner of the couch
that was not already occupied, and sat down, but found I wasn't that hungry
when Wufei announced
'We're losing. '
I quirked an eyebrow. Really, he was going to have to be more eloquent than
that. Or at least more informative
'Maxwell is winning. He is staying hidden and we are not finding him. We've
done all we can so far and we're still losing.'
Putting down my plate, I booted up my laptop. After all, the implication was
that with my help we might have, and I wanted to see Duo too. We work best
as a group.
Starting a search to run, I collected the three empty plates and my nibbled
at plate, and went to do the washing up. While I was watching a storm brew
outside, my hands cleaned almost automatically, and I was surprised by
Quatre standing next to me, with a dish towel who started to dry.
'You don't have to cook you know. We can get takeout, and we'd much rather
you helped look for Duo.I'm surprised you're geting anything done between
Preventers and this. '
He was surprised I got anything done......
For a moment there I was speechless. 'Leave the dishes, I'll dry them. You
continue looking for Duo' I said.
My throat was starting to hurt quite acutely. How I got anything done.
Hadn't they noticed that I was the only thing between them and this
appartment becoming a landfill? That I was the one that kept the groceries
coming into the house, and loaned the small car that I had brought, so they
could run and check leads? That I was the one keeping hte bills payed on not
only my appartement, but arranged all the administration for theirs too?
Well, except for Quatre, he has servants to do that.
They had not noticed any of it.
Quatre, it seemed, accepted my offer and put the towel down. I picked it up
and started drying the cups, plates, and cutlery, as well as the pans, my
mind still focussed outside. It was only when I was done that I noticed
wetness on my cheeks and realised that I had been crying. My breathing was
still focussed, so I dried my face with the dish cloth and started putting
things away, when a brighter flash than normal lit the kitchen, and a crash
followed less than a second later. The storm was directly above us, and
looking out of the window, the rain was coming down in sheets. I wonder
where Duo was in all this.
Another flash of light, and another crash, and the lights went out. Walking
into the other room, the others where lit by their screens, seemingly
oblivious to the storm. My laptop however, was dead. It had been plugged
into the wall, and a closer inspection indicated that the surge protector it
was attached to had not been strong enough. I now had an expensive doorstop.
Rubbing my hands over my face, I didn't notice the others looking at me. I
was tired, and wanted to go to bed, but wanted Duo found even more. I wasn't
at the best of my game, so sue me for not noticing.
'Status?'
'Laptop's down.'
Silence reigned again. Looking around and to the clock on the wall I found
it was past ten already, but I didn't think I would disturb the neigbours if
I cleaned up some. I wouldn't be too loud, and if I was, they where unlikely
to complain, and if they did it would be worth it. What I hadn't counted on
was Chang complaining.
' If you can't help, can you at least get out of the way of those of us who
can do something?' he virtually snarled. A sure sign he was short on sleep
too. I know they've all been up all hours of the day and night, mostly
napping while searches ran. Still, that comment hurt too. It wasn't that I
didn't want to help!
'I'm going for a walk' I announced, slipping on my jacket. Outside the storm
was still raging, but a walk might make me feel better. I deliberately
everything behind but my keyes, and walked out. Large splotches of rain
pelted down, broken up with the occasional rumble or crack of thunder and
bright flash of lightning. In the distance I could hear sirens, but they
where moving away. I walked the half a mile or so to my local park, and by
the time I got there I had crossed veritable fords, and braved calf-deep
water. It seemed like the heavens themselves had opened up and decided to
drop the contents of a lake on the town.
The grass was soggy and squishy under my feet, and even with my night vision
I couldn't see much in my park. It would be to wet to sit under my usual
tree, my favorite thinking-spot locally, but the bench near by was an
acceptable alternative. There, I looked around carefully and could see
nobody. I didn't expect anyone to be out in the streaming rain, but it never
hurts to be carefull.
Seeing nobody I finally let the tight leash I had on my emotions slip, and
my already sore throat seemed to tighten up even more as tears welled up and
stung in my eyes. I don't cry easily, but the comments this evening hurt. I
know I had not done much, but I had tried to allow the others to do what
they do best by supporting them. And I was still working. And I was tired,
and I wanted my friends back, all of them. Not these focussed clones sitting
in my living room. I went over my days in my mind, there was nothing else I
could give, without throwing the mission. If I had to I would but that would
ruin a lot of hard work, and Lady Une would not be happy. I would if I had
to though. But aside from that, there was nothing else I could give, no more
I could do, at least until I bought and ste up a laptop, and that would
totally ruin my budget for the next few months. I was still going to do it,
but was resigning myself fast to eating onion soup and other very cheap
dishes a lot. But their comments, even if not spitefully meant, they hurt.
From strangers, they wouldn't even have registered, but from my
friends....and none of them had even noticed I walked out, by the lack of
reaction. Maybe I truly should remain a nobody, with no name...but that was
how they knew me. The rain came down harder, and I knew I was relatively
safe here, nobody could see me, and even if they could, they wouldn't be
able to tell if the water on my face was plain or salty. Even though there
was nobody around, nobody to hear, I cried bitter tears, silently, as the
skies dropped their tears on me.
The end?
Bitter Tears Raining Down On Me
I was about to get up from my desk and go home when the phone rang. Looking
at the number display, I flicked it onto audio only and picked up the
handset. We weren't forbidden from getting personal calls, but this job
required me to be virtually friendless and family-less as far as everyone
else was concerned. It was a good thing that I hacked into the system days
ago and determined that audio only calls were rarely monitored, or Quatre
may have given me away. He still might have.
'Yes?' I asked
'Hiya Trowa, we're out of food and we thought you could do some shopping on
the way back?'. They did now, did they?
' I see' I replied, neutrally. I didn't want to encourage him, after all,
the four of them had been mission planning all day, but it was only half a
mile to the store.
'Heero is asking for veggies, we all want snacks, Wufei needs soy sauce and
noodles, and I'm out of ice cream as well as chocolate sauce. We've got the
rest covered. " Damn. My supervisor was giving me far to interested a look
now.
"I'm glad to hear that"
"Ok then, bye! "
Just then the supervisor came over again, and I hoped that maybe, just
maybe, he wasn't going to give me even more of a hard time. After all, he'd
had his pound of flesh earlier today, when he had laid into me for several
things I didn't do, but couldn't prove I didn't do. And of course, as the
new boy, I had to have been the guilty party.
"You are aware of course, that company policy states you are not to receive
personal calls during working hours" he started to censure me. I had had
quite enough of this for today, and stood, forcing him to take a step back.
He was also no longer lording over me, as I was taller than him.
"Then it is a good thing that it was out of hours, hmm?"
"Are you getting smart with me Barton? As if you are, then you can just walk
out that door and keep going". For a moment I considered it, but I knew that
if I did, I would never succeed at my mission. For that, I had to put up
with this. Slipping back into the meek persona I had worn all day, I let my
shoulders droop and my head hang a teeny amount. Signalling defeat with my
body, I turned around and faced him.
"No Sir."
"Then what was that call about? " he asked, just as loudly
"My stepsister just delivered twins". Quatre was not going to appreciate
that if he ever found out, but I considered it mildy funny.
The super seemed to deflate at this, and with a small wave of his hand said
"Get out of here Barton. I want to see you back here tomorrow morning on
time, understoond?". I nodded, turned and left.
Going home I mused on what to get, snacks was not a very good description,
and neither was veggies. I could just turn around and get their favorites,
or maybe we could be more adventerous and try some other things. No, I
decided. They had all had several missions, in the last few weeks. There had
been downtime, but comfort food was a good thing. Picking up Quatre's
favorite icecream, I noticed they had a two for one deal, and picked up a
tub for myself as well, paid, and hefted all the plastic bags onto my arms.
I would have preferred to have my arms free, but in this instance, i had no
other choice and I could drop them quickly if need be.
Two miles further, I was sincerely regretting not having any other method of
carrying the bags, as my shins where getting thoroughly bruised and one of
the bags had already split. Hoisting the split bag onto my hip, I felt the
chill of icecream go through me as I hiked on.
After the war had ended, I had been offered a job at the Preventers and
taken it, so I was still doing regular missions. Heero and Wufei had as
well, and Quatre had agreed to be a part time consultant. He did, after all,
still have Winner Enterprises to run. What we hadn't counted on was Lady Une
making a big flap about having Gundam Pilots on her staff, and even though
none of us had wanted it, Heero, Wufei and myself became quite well known.
Quatre, we had all agreed, should not be known as a Gundam Pilot, that would
do serious harm to Winner Enterprises. So we hedged on any question on who
the other two pilots where. After a very large party, Duo had dissapeared on
us. We first thought he needed to clear his head, or had gone of with Hilde,
who had left the same day. We weren't too worried, Duo sometimes needed a
day or two away from things to sort his head. But the hours became days, the
days weeks, and now, we were almost three months on. To say we were
concerned would have been an understatement, after all, if we knew he had
wanted to leave us, that would have been one thing, but to just vanish? Very
unlike Duo, and with each passing day without any communication, the chance
that he was dead was growing.
That is why the four of us where crowded into my small appartment. The
others had were on downtime, sick leave, or vacation, I was the only one of
us with a current mission going. I was the only one of us four still
working, but even with the three of them working all days, and all four of
us working all evenings we had not been able to find Duo.
Putting half the bags down carefully, I tried to work the lock with my off
hand, finally succeeding only to have the door jam on me. Frustrated by the
day I had had, our lack of success and the heavy bags, I kicked the door. It
opened. Well, who said brute force and ignorance doesn't occasionally
triumph?
Upstairs, mail clamped between the torn bag and myself, I again worked the
lock with my off hand. It's a good thing i'm close to ambidexterous, though
I was a little annoyed that none of the other pilots had helped. I could
understand them locking the door though, even with the security of the main
frontdoor, there is no human on duty and even if there was, none of us would
trust anyone else to protect us. And there where still a lot of people out
there who would love to settle the score with a Gundam Pilot or two. With a
deep breath, I let go of my annoyance. It wasn't worth it.
Inside the others where sitting over their laptops, in animated conversation
about a security procedure online. I must have come in once it had been
raging for a while, as they where deep into technicalities. Right now, I did
not have the energy for it, so I went to put away the groceries. The fridge
was as I remembered it, bare, except from half a loaf of bread going green
rapidly. I chucked it and washed my fingers. How the others could live like
this, I didn't know. Usually I got something to eat at work, but by the look
of the pizza boxes that had appeared since yesterday morning, the others had
not bothered getting much.
After putting things away, I made myself a large mug of coffee and drinks
for everyone else, and brought them in. They where quiet now, engrossed in
their various searches and barely acknowledged their drinks, though Quatre
did smile a thank you. Both of my favorite chairs where taken, not that I
begrudged them to anyone, so I sat down on the floor next to the window. I
had barely sat down, and taken a sip, when Heero broke the silence.
" We all have searches that run for another hour and a half, can you make
dinner for then?"
For one moment I considered declining. After all, in an hour and a half I
could start up a search too, and one of them could cook, but in all
realities, I was the worst programmer of the four of us, so I nodded. 'Yes'.
Sitting and drinking my coffee, I relaxed a bit. I would be glad when this
mission was over, as the hours where pretty gruelling and I wanted to help
too. Standing up, I took in the mess that was now the living room. Pizza
boxes everwhere and a good deal of my posessions had been moved. Yes, I, a
gundam pilot who was always on the run, had tried to make this appartment a
home. With a small sigh, I moved back into the kitchen. With what I had, I
decided on a large, multicultural stir fry, and was glad that I had brought
a good amount of food in tins some months back. Actually, the others should
have realised that as well if they had have opened the cupboards.
Chopping the onions, swedes, turnips and other vegetables, I felt my
annoyance at the state of everything dissipate, but tiredness was creeping
in. For this mission I had been working sixteen hour days for the last
month, with a lot of early morning work. I hated early mornings, they always
left me feeling on edge. The only way people should see 4 am is from the
evening side of it, not as a time to get up. Of course, once I'd done that,
I would come home and either help the other pilots search, or try and get
this place in order. We had been intensifying our search over the last
month, untill three days ago I suggested the others move in here
temporarily, but this appartment was not built for so many people. In other
words, I was losing the fight with the dirty plates, washing and grime. Not
that I minded, if we got Duo back, but it was feeling unhygenic to me, and I
disliked that unless there was no other choice.
Putting everything on to fry, I started the washing up, occasionally
stirring or adding some more to the large pan. I managed to get more washed
up than we'd need for eating, so that was a marginal win. Sticking my head
out the door, I announced that dinner was served, in my best butler voice.
By the looks of it, it was not appreciated, but they all trooped in, took
their plates and cutlery, then trooped straight back to their laptops. Heero
never said anything, Quatre, being the post polite told me it smelled good.
Wufei just frowned, probably at the thought of noodle and vegetable stir
fry. Moving several of the pizza boxes, I found myself a corner of the couch
that was not already occupied, and sat down, but found I wasn't that hungry
when Wufei announced
'We're losing. '
I quirked an eyebrow. Really, he was going to have to be more eloquent than
that. Or at least more informative
'Maxwell is winning. He is staying hidden and we are not finding him. We've
done all we can so far and we're still losing.'
Putting down my plate, I booted up my laptop. After all, the implication was
that with my help we might have, and I wanted to see Duo too. We work best
as a group.
Starting a search to run, I collected the three empty plates and my nibbled
at plate, and went to do the washing up. While I was watching a storm brew
outside, my hands cleaned almost automatically, and I was surprised by
Quatre standing next to me, with a dish towel who started to dry.
'You don't have to cook you know. We can get takeout, and we'd much rather
you helped look for Duo.I'm surprised you're geting anything done between
Preventers and this. '
He was surprised I got anything done......
For a moment there I was speechless. 'Leave the dishes, I'll dry them. You
continue looking for Duo' I said.
My throat was starting to hurt quite acutely. How I got anything done.
Hadn't they noticed that I was the only thing between them and this
appartment becoming a landfill? That I was the one that kept the groceries
coming into the house, and loaned the small car that I had brought, so they
could run and check leads? That I was the one keeping hte bills payed on not
only my appartement, but arranged all the administration for theirs too?
Well, except for Quatre, he has servants to do that.
They had not noticed any of it.
Quatre, it seemed, accepted my offer and put the towel down. I picked it up
and started drying the cups, plates, and cutlery, as well as the pans, my
mind still focussed outside. It was only when I was done that I noticed
wetness on my cheeks and realised that I had been crying. My breathing was
still focussed, so I dried my face with the dish cloth and started putting
things away, when a brighter flash than normal lit the kitchen, and a crash
followed less than a second later. The storm was directly above us, and
looking out of the window, the rain was coming down in sheets. I wonder
where Duo was in all this.
Another flash of light, and another crash, and the lights went out. Walking
into the other room, the others where lit by their screens, seemingly
oblivious to the storm. My laptop however, was dead. It had been plugged
into the wall, and a closer inspection indicated that the surge protector it
was attached to had not been strong enough. I now had an expensive doorstop.
Rubbing my hands over my face, I didn't notice the others looking at me. I
was tired, and wanted to go to bed, but wanted Duo found even more. I wasn't
at the best of my game, so sue me for not noticing.
'Status?'
'Laptop's down.'
Silence reigned again. Looking around and to the clock on the wall I found
it was past ten already, but I didn't think I would disturb the neigbours if
I cleaned up some. I wouldn't be too loud, and if I was, they where unlikely
to complain, and if they did it would be worth it. What I hadn't counted on
was Chang complaining.
' If you can't help, can you at least get out of the way of those of us who
can do something?' he virtually snarled. A sure sign he was short on sleep
too. I know they've all been up all hours of the day and night, mostly
napping while searches ran. Still, that comment hurt too. It wasn't that I
didn't want to help!
'I'm going for a walk' I announced, slipping on my jacket. Outside the storm
was still raging, but a walk might make me feel better. I deliberately
everything behind but my keyes, and walked out. Large splotches of rain
pelted down, broken up with the occasional rumble or crack of thunder and
bright flash of lightning. In the distance I could hear sirens, but they
where moving away. I walked the half a mile or so to my local park, and by
the time I got there I had crossed veritable fords, and braved calf-deep
water. It seemed like the heavens themselves had opened up and decided to
drop the contents of a lake on the town.
The grass was soggy and squishy under my feet, and even with my night vision
I couldn't see much in my park. It would be to wet to sit under my usual
tree, my favorite thinking-spot locally, but the bench near by was an
acceptable alternative. There, I looked around carefully and could see
nobody. I didn't expect anyone to be out in the streaming rain, but it never
hurts to be carefull.
Seeing nobody I finally let the tight leash I had on my emotions slip, and
my already sore throat seemed to tighten up even more as tears welled up and
stung in my eyes. I don't cry easily, but the comments this evening hurt. I
know I had not done much, but I had tried to allow the others to do what
they do best by supporting them. And I was still working. And I was tired,
and I wanted my friends back, all of them. Not these focussed clones sitting
in my living room. I went over my days in my mind, there was nothing else I
could give, without throwing the mission. If I had to I would but that would
ruin a lot of hard work, and Lady Une would not be happy. I would if I had
to though. But aside from that, there was nothing else I could give, no more
I could do, at least until I bought and ste up a laptop, and that would
totally ruin my budget for the next few months. I was still going to do it,
but was resigning myself fast to eating onion soup and other very cheap
dishes a lot. But their comments, even if not spitefully meant, they hurt.
From strangers, they wouldn't even have registered, but from my
friends....and none of them had even noticed I walked out, by the lack of
reaction. Maybe I truly should remain a nobody, with no name...but that was
how they knew me. The rain came down harder, and I knew I was relatively
safe here, nobody could see me, and even if they could, they wouldn't be
able to tell if the water on my face was plain or salty. Even though there
was nobody around, nobody to hear, I cried bitter tears, silently, as the
skies dropped their tears on me.