Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ How to Write a Fanfic Review, GW Style ❯ Epilogue (Part 2) ( Epilogue )

04 December 2002

Another of the Many Possible Epilogues for How to Write a Fanfic Review, Gundam Wing Style

( or for those of you who like the abbreviation method, AotMPEHtWaFRGWS )

*-*-*-*

Wufei walked past the living room couch towards the kitchen.

He then calmly got a glass of water from the sink.

On his way back, however, he stopped beside the couch. Looking down at the glass, and then down at the pair making out on the couch paying him absolutely no mind. The noises they were making were echoing throughout the whole bloody place, but they simply didn't seem to care! A twitch crawled up Wufei's back, and made the hairs at the nape stand on end. His fingers tightened around the glass with every moan and gasp from his sexually abundant friends… And he snapped! Slamming the glass down on a nearby side table, he effectively destroyed their mood. The noise itself was enough to jar the two new lovers apart, not to mention the stray drops that flew their way. Wufei hid his vengeful glee.

"Oh hey, Wu-bear," Duo scratches his head sheepishly, peeking up from his place laying over an equally flustered looking Heero. Both boys were a healthy horny flush, and there was no annoyance tinged in Duo's voice. Frankly, he'd been so deliriously happy the past few days that very little could ever faze him. "Didn't see you there, you been there long?"

Thus are the magical wonders of getting laid.

Heero looked up at the boy who had just been busy sucking his face, and was now having a casual conversation. He hardly thought this was fair as his heated groin was lacking some well-needed friction. The boy sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair… usually he was too distracted to notice the itchy feeling of sweat in his pores, or the way his hair stuck to his skin - but since said braided distraction was currently consoling their sexless friend, he was left to suffer. Usually he was pleasurably suffering from incalculable volumes of bliss right about now. But, Heero wasn't a total prick - he knew how much the recent separation from Treize had affected their Chinese friend, and was accordingly sympathetic.

"Chang. We're busy. Make it quick." Duo rolled his eyes at the boy beneath him, and pushed himself up to sit on Heero's middle. Duo socked Heero in the shoulder, and made a face. The braided boy, after repositioning himself and his lover, patted the empty space next to him and offered Wufei a seat. He knew very well that Wufei would never ask for sympathy, or demand pity for his circumstance… but it couldn't be easy living in a house with two guys who can't keep their hands off each other when his lover was in jail trying not to drop the soap.

"Any news from the lawyers?" asked Duo, trying to be as tactful as… well, as Duo Maxwell could be. "It's harsh that they revoked his license and all that…"

"… and all for sex. Speaking of sex -"

"Damn Heero! Friend in crisis here! Show some sensitivity!"

"I *know* that," Heero crudely motioned to his groin and bucked at the air in front of him. The friend in his pants was in one helluva crisis, and he knew where this conversation was going.

First Wufei would say: "Yeah… it's just so hard sometimes." and sigh. "Si~igh. No need to worry about me - *sniff* - I'm fine, really…"

And then Duo would say: "Aww, it'll be okay man. It's no trouble for a good buddy! And I'm sure they'll let him off easy for a first offense." And then he'd pat Wufei on the shoulder. "He'll be out in no time, and you two can be just like the two of us!" Duo would then motion between himself and Heero. Immediately following, there would be a really long boring silence. Wufei would seem to be contemplating, and Duo would seem to watch the gears move in Wufei's head. This is also the part where precious time was wasted and could be used towards Heero getting laid. Heero groaned, in a loud disgruntled manner, and folded his arms while glaring at the wall in front. Wufei heard this, and just like every time before, his temper flared.

"It wasn't JUST sex, Yuy." He spat over Duo's shoulder. "It was damn *good* sex, I'll have you know." Wufei paused before quickly adding, "… no offense to you of course, Duo." The braided boy nodded, and covered his face with his hand… he knew what was coming.

"Yeah, I bet you made Nataku proud while your warrior prowess and flexibility -"

"Well at least I didn't hide behind computers to get laid!"
"Oh, so a closet door is *so* much better? Or should I say counselor's door?"

"I won't have you bad mouth Treize that way, you … you … Harlequin author you!"

"What did you call me?!"

"A two-cent not-worth-paperback whore!"

"Find a desk to bend over, bottom boy!"

"That's it! --!!"

Not this again… Duo groaned, as he flung out his arms to try at keep the boys from clawing into each other's skulls. He had new battle scars and scratch marks all over his arms every time they decided to go at it. Off-sides, he wondered what he did to anger the gods to have him shoved in the middle of this every single time. There was definitely a negative backlash in finally getting all the guys out of the closet… and two of those were the nymphomaniac Heero and the catty Wufei. Others included the blondes fleeing to the Caribbean with a captive Trowa, and Treize getting sent to the slammer. Duo felt like he was the only *man* around the house anymore… With Zechs, Quatre and Trowa off getting a tan, Wufei turning into a throbbing pile of hunkin' angst… and Heero thinking with his cock 24/7… it made it difficult to keep the violence and sex down to a simple R rating.

The combination screamed NC-17, but what could Duo do? Rules were rules.

Duo mentally ticked off all the possibilities in his head - 'Threesome? No can do, too many kiddies watching… Duel to the death? Quatre would kill me for what that'll do to the carpets…' Not to mention impede on his own sex life. Duo pacified both of the other boys in the only way he knew how, with his limited number of hands and orifices and rating… Wufei and Heero were both face down, Duo was sitting on Wufei's back and holding Heero down with his feet.

"You guys, I have to say… I can't keep living this way. Either you two stop fighting or…"

"Or what?" Wufei grumbled. He'd already lost his lover to the legal system, and his libido to parental controls. What else could he possibly lose?

"Hn." There was a hidden question mark after that, but Heero didn't want to give Duo the satisfaction of believing he held any interest in anything he was about to say. However, because it did concern their blossoming relationship and a possible tongue bath for his testicles… he didn't kick up a fight, either.

"Or… I'll just have to do the cooking around here."

…

…

"We'll be good."

"Yeah, what he said."

Duo didn't know whether to be insulted or not, but either way, it had worked. 'Damn shame about that threesome though.'

But rules are rules.

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Author's Note:

There has to be some serious irony in the fact that this epilogue (like the last one) advocate supporting the nc-17 ban on FF.net, while the fic itself has been removed from the archive. I'm still working on getting it back up, because I think it got booted off for something stupid - like being a "How To" list or something. I'm not going to fight it if it's about the content… but FF.net never got back to me when I asked why it was taken down. I just wanted to make sure it wasn't a clerical error. ._.; According to their rating standards, I should be all clear - unless the last epilogue had one too many euphemisms for penis. O.o; Pushing boundaries is always a dangerous business.

I'm having the whole fic re-betaed again soon, so there might still be updates yet. ^^