Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ The Edulcoration of Duo Maxwell ❯ Dum Spiro, Spero ( Chapter 61 )

The Edulcoration of Duo Maxwell - 61/?

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Warnings: AU, yaoi, coarse language, violence, angst, cliffhangers, red herrings, mention of various vices, random bits of useless knowledge, occasionally explicit sex, enough footnotes to choke an army of horses.

Spoilers: Nah

Disclaimer: I don't really need to be Captain Obvious here, do I? No ownership, no money being made, yadda yadda. Written for fun, not profit.

Pairings to date: 2x1x2, 3+4, 4x3, 5+M/5xM, 9+6, past 2xH, past 4x1

Archived at:
http://www.atsui.org
http://sweetlysour.net
http://theforsa kenwk.com
http://www.gundam-wing-diaries.150m.com

Edulcorate (verb) - To free from harshness (as of attitude); to soften

~~~~~

Chapter 61 - Dum Spiro, Spero

Duo wiped his palms on his pants, a nervous gesture he despised. Part of him wished he'd listened to Gibson and waited for the three-month mark before having blood drawn. He was only going to have to go through this again later.

What had they been thinking, that last night together, to have unprotected sex? What the hell had Heero been thinking? Heero had been militant about protection from the get-go.

What had he, himself, been thinking?

Something had changed. A subtle shift in their so-called relationship. The way Heero's lips and tongue had felt on his cock, without a condom between them, was like nothing he'd experienced before.

Hilde hadn't been exactly fond of performing that particular act, although she did enjoy being the recipient. Perhaps that's why Duo enjoyed doing it. There was something incredibly arousing about knowing you could elicit certain reactions from your partner.

He wondered what it tasted like. Since Hilde never allowed it in her mouth the few times she'd performed fellatio, he'd never had the opportunity to taste it on her lips. Funny how it had seemed a relief to him at the time.

Heero hadn't kissed him afterwards, either. That had come much later.

That fucking kiss.

The week with Heero, from a purely sexual point of view, was a study in highs and lows. The way Heero felt, wrapped around that most private part of his body; hot and tight and pulsating. It wasn't that he'd ever considered Hilde to be little more than a blow up doll, but her wet and welcoming channel never seemed as alive as Heero's had.

Perhaps it was the way Heero fought him - had fought enjoying it.

He hadn't lied to Heero. He'd wanted the other man to feel good. Wanted him to come, wanted him to know who had made him shoot his load all over the sheets, or his belly, or his chest.

It was about control, but it was more than that.

It was about that fucking kiss.

Heero had been prostituting himself for some time before they'd met, and Duo hadn't seen a healthier looking physique. If he'd seen Heero in a gym or a business meeting or a restaurant, he'd never jump to the conclusion that this man had ever conceived of selling his body for money.

Duo shook his head. He might be making a hell of an assumption, but he doubted that the reason Heero sold his body was simply for the money. There was a hell of a lot more to Heero than met the eye. He'd known that from the moment he'd looked into those eyes through the window of the Ferrari. That was before he'd realized how damned expressive they were.

Heero could be very closed off at times, but he let glimpses of his real self out now and then. Duo had learned to use his eyes as part of his stage costume for the drama called life. If you could look someone in the eye and put a hint of the right emotion in your face, they'd believe anything you wanted. It wasn't what you said; it was how you said it.

Heero had a hell of a poker face when it suited him, but he showed a range of emotions as well.

Anger. Humor. Sorrow. Passion.

Heero's eyes had occasionally indicated each of these, but his body language was just as communicative.

Good god, Heero's body could be incredibly expressive when he wanted it to be.

Duo supposed that was what had made that last night so memorable, so damned hot. It wasn't that Heero had coaxed his body into uncontrollable bone melting orgasm, as Duo hadn't even found release that night.

It was the intimate connection with Heero, something more than their physical joining.

Heero had been unsure, almost timid despite his aggressiveness. Duo had felt more in control of things as uke than he ever had as seme.

He couldn't help the rueful grin that played about his lips. Despite the fact that being penetrated would never be at the top of his list of preferred sexual activities, the feeling of power was incredibly erotic.

He wondered if it was the same for Heero. How could it not be?

Duo stood up and walked to the wall pockets hanging next to a small poster advertising an upcoming health fair, and selected a pamphlet at random.

Inside the informational brochure on erectile dysfunction, one that made him wince at his unintentional selection, was another pamphlet. One that was obviously not printed by the same group that had done the others, because the graphic style was distinctly different. It had been folded so that the front cover was not on top.

Curious, he opened it up.

It looked like a testimonial for a counseling workshop for couples experiencing sexual difficulties in their relationship. Heterosexual couples, but really, what was the difference, other than the obvious Tab A-Slot B mechanics?

One couple, their names changed to protect the innocent, stated that they'd felt they were in a rut, and had considered incorporating the use of various adult oriented toys into their bedroom gymnastics.

There was a paragraph explaining the use of one such device, one that had the male partner questioning his sexual preferences because he felt he enjoyed it too much.

Duo found that interesting. He folded up the brochure and slid it into the pocket of the jacket that was thrown over the back of a chair, then thrust his hands in his pockets and started pacing.

He was relieved to hear the knock on the door.

~~~~~

Heero fingered the sealed envelope as he sat opposite Jameson Hunter. He was pretty sure he knew what results were contained within. So what was he waiting for?

Normally the results were reviewed in person, face-to-face, regardless of the outcome, as part of normal procedure. Heero had decided if someone were going to counsel him through whatever he might find, he might as well stick with just one person. They wouldn't allow him to see the results without a doctor present, to answer any questions or address any concerns.

It was a bit unorthodox of Heero to request that the results be delivered to Hunter, but he wasn't up to inviting more speculation about his mental state by giving away anything to Kaydence Stevenson. She'd know the results, but she could get them the same way he was, in black and white.

He'd held his breath when Hunter had pulled the envelope out of his file and slid it across his desk. Heero had reached out hesitantly before picking it up.

He tapped the envelope in the palm of his left hand. How much time had passed?

"Your trepidation is to be expected, Heero. Take your time."

That spurned him into action. He dealt with facts, and the sooner he opened the envelope, the sooner he'd be able to lay some of his fears to rest.

He tore it open, surprising himself with the vehemence at which he did so, and unfolded the sheaf of documents.

His eyes scanned them one by one and then he folded them and set them on the seat next to him without a word.

"I'd allow you time to absorb the information, Heero, but as you know, the results of an HIV test must be reviewed personally. If you've changed your mind, I can call Kaye-"

"Negative," Heero interrupted. "The results," he clarified. "Negative." He stood up and handed the results - all of them - to Hunter, who perused them quickly before handing them back.

"No indications of substance abuse," the doctor commented, sounding unsurprised. "As for the other results, you do understand we'll be in this position again in a couple of months."

Heero shook his head. "Perhaps you and I will be done by then."

"You'd prefer to hear the news from Kaye at that time?"

"I cannot answer that at present."

"Fair enough. None of us really knows what the future holds."

"No," Heero said. "That's not true."

Hunter remained silent, as he usually did when Heero began speaking.

"One must always be prepared for the unexpected," Heero said slowly. "But it is possible to set things in place so that a particular outcome is encouraged, if not guaranteed."

"Speaking from experience, Heero?"

Heero didn't respond right away, then said, "I hope so."

"And hope is what keeps us going forward when all else fails."

Heero's eyes bored into the doctor's. "Yes."

~~~~~

"I look forward to working with you, Ms. Long," Quatre said, smiling at her warmly. He meant it; her presence would be a welcome breath of fresh air - something that was a key ingredient in a new venture like Sanquhar.

"Meiran," she insisted.

His smile grew broader. "Meiran."

"Have we concluded our business here, Quatre?"

He nodded in response, and she stood up, prompting him to follow suit. "What are you doing for lunch, Mister Winner?" The mischievous light in her eyes should have alarmed him, but he realized he was looking forward to whatever she had in store for him.

"What do you suggest?"

She hooked her arm through his. "Trust me."

Quatre had recognized Meiran Long from the first moment he met her at the Peacecraft office several weeks earlier. Meetings alternated between there and the Maxwell-Chang building, until the new Sanq location was constructed. Quatre's father did not want to give a home field advantage to any of the partners, so a small, modest set of offices was part of the plan. It also gave Sanquhar the benefit of having its own identity. Once employees were hired or transferred, their energies would be devoted to the development and growth of Sanq - not to their parent companies.

The fledgling Sanquhar, Inc. had the advantage of an existing customer base, something most start-up businesses lacked. You couldn't buy loyalty, it had to be earned, and that was where Sanq would come out ahead of the competition from Day One. Of that, at least, Quatre had no doubt.

Now, though, when he thought of the incident at the bar, where he'd first made the fleeting acquaintance of the man later introduced to him as Wufei Chang, he felt warmth radiate from his gut to his extremities.

He'd expected that Meiran had it in her head to act as a surrogate mother, to be honest, the way she'd maneuvered him into a lunch meeting. He could have come up with a half dozen reasons for avoiding it, had he been anything but curious as hell.

Instead, she simply chatted with him, as if they were school chums. Much like he and Trowa used to do each morning. Quatre was taken aback at first. He was not often surprised, and here he'd managed to be knocked on his proverbial ass twice in a very short period of time.

It wasn't until they'd finished eating and engaging in light conversation that Quatre looked her straight in the eye and asked her, "why should I trust you?"

She leaned back casually, resting her elbow on the back of her seat.

"We would make very poor business partners otherwise."

He nodded slowly. "You do realize that doesn't answer my question."

She smiled. "Of course."

Quatre realized that he was comfortable with Meiran Long, and that reminded him of his last conversation with Heero.

He had to know what Dorothy knew. Not for Heero, not for Heero's investigation, but for himself.

And the best way to do so was to beard the lion, or the lioness, in this case, in her den.

After he'd dealt with that particular issue, he had one more person he needed to confront face to face.

He smiled back at the dark-haired woman seated across from him and responded to her next comment without missing a beat.

~~~~~

"I understand, Heero, that there is a distinct possibility you'll be doing some field work in the near future."

"Possibly, yes."

Hunter was quietly assessing as always. "How do you feel about that?"

"I will do whatever is necessary to further the investigation."

"Is that an unconditional statement, Heero?"

"If I felt that my actions went against my beliefs, I have chosen the wrong profession."

"Point taken. Do you think you're ready for it? Drawing your gun if needed? Stakeouts that may yield nothing concrete?" Hunter paused. "What if you needed to pose as a prostitute?"

"There is a distinct line between reality and fiction," Heero said. "I do not plan on underestimating my own worth. It was a poor judgement on my part, and I do not intend to repeat that mistake. She would be disappointed to know how I reacted to her death."

"You also realize you still seem to have trouble saying her name, Heero?"

"I don't mention her name lightly. That was the case before she was killed. That nickname was something personal, just between the two of us."

"I see," Hunter said, his face betraying none of what he thought. "Interesting that you do not use any euphemisms when describing what happened to Esperanza."

"Dead is dead," Heero said quietly.

"You are an intriguing person, Heero. You don't like to say the name 'Kitty' because it's something intimate, and yet you have no qualms calling a spade a spade when it comes to other aspects of your recent past. Nonetheless, you've demonstrated a remarkable ability to overcome your personal trauma. At this time I recommend reducing the frequency of our sessions to once a week."

Heero was pleased to hear it. It wasn't that he disliked Jameson Hunter, it was the sting to his pride that he was still required to attend counseling.

However, he also would never have seen himself doing what he'd done the past few months, either, so he supposed the sessions were a bit of a safety net for him.

Despite the self-disgust he felt when he recalled the number of men he'd bent over for, he couldn't say he regretted all of it.

Hunter noted the bittersweet expression on Heero's face, and debated on commenting. He'd told Heero on more than one occasion that he knew something was being kept hidden from him. He suspected it was a person who had a large impact on Heero's life. Perhaps more than one. For someone who seemed to radiate isolation, he wouldn't be surprised to find his patient had a network of people that he cared for. He did not believe that Heero's feelings for the girl he'd considered a sister were an aberration.

What the doctor wanted to know was if Heero was keeping that part of his life private out of respect for the other person or persons, or if it was something he was keeping close to his heart, like the use of the name 'Kitty.'

Hunter was impressed by Heero Yuy's pragmatic views and his strength of will. Heero was a determined young man who, he suspected, could be charismatic if he so desired.

Heero seemed to respond best to veiled inferences. It was likely that those closest to the man spoke in much the same manner when the occasion called for it.

It was time to test a theory he'd come up with during the counseling sessions, based on all the things Heero didn't say.

"Our time is almost up for today, Heero. I just have some parting words of advice for you."

Heero stood up and looked at him with one eyebrow raised, waiting.

"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink."

To his surprise, Heero Yuy actually smiled at him. "You can if he's thirsty."

Hunter contemplated that response as he watched his patient walk out the door, his stride no different than any other day, and yet it still conveyed a lightness of spirit that he suspected had little to do with the test results.

He chuckled. He wasn't surprised at all. Yuy had struck him as an optimist from their first meeting.

~~~~~

"So you've captured the interest of this man," Duo said teasingly.

"Yes, and you're not invited to the wedding, either," Hilde said, rolling her eyes at Duo's deliberate misunderstanding of her news about the new client. It was funny, she mused, how she was now able to take his irreverence in good humor. Had he made a joke of it while they were still involved, she'd have been very upset - insulted, even, that he seemed to think her career was something to joke about.

She was stunned to realize how much she'd taken for granted when she and Duo were together. Had the things that seemed obvious to her now always been there?

Duo was proud of her, she knew that, but he wasn't the type to come out and gush about it. In fact, that's what she'd liked about him from the start. He'd never pretended to be one of those men in touch with his feminine side. Whether it made her old fashioned or not, Hilde didn't care for men who cried at the drop of a hat. Hell, she didn't care for women who did so, either, which is why she'd always gotten along so well with Meiran Long when their paths crossed. How Meiran managed to keep her sanity dealing with trophy wives was beyond comprehension.

The downside of Duo's making light of things was the difficulty presented in determining when something really bothered him. Unless he was outwardly displaying anger, it had always been difficult for her to say when he was honestly upset.

She didn't realize she was studying him so intently until he said dryly, "take a picture, Hil, it'll last longer."

He hadn't called her 'Hil' in a long time, either. He only started because a coworker of hers insisted on abbreviating everyone's name, and she made the mistake of complaining about it to Duo one day. It had been his way of saying she was taking things too seriously. Pot, meet kettle.

"If I'm going to use up any film at all," she shot back at him, "I'm sure I could find at least five other men who I'd rather ogle in my spare time."

"Like Mister Rocks-Your-Socks-Off, your new boy toy 'client'?"

"He's old enough to be my grandfather!" She plucked her napkin off her lap and threw it at him. "You're impossible, Duo Maxwell."

"We all must be good at something," he pointed out as soon as the dark colored square of linen slid from his smug expression. It pooled into his own lap, out of sight once again.

She noted his grin and realized it was a bit more sincere than the last few he'd flashed at her.

"OK, Duo, what's got you so pumped up today?"

He looked startled, as if she'd caught him with his pants down. She tamped down the laughter that threatened to erupt as she envisioned Duo waddling around with his pants around his ankles.

"I'm just pleased to be dining with such a beautiful woman," he said, and although she rolled her eyes at him again, she knew he wasn't just flattering her.

Which also made her wonder about what he'd said to her that day as she worked the medicated shampoo through the length of his hair. She wouldn't be surprised if one day she saw him and his hair came to just below his ears. At one time he'd seemed defiant in keeping it as long as he had, but lately it seemed to lack the luster it once had, as she'd mentioned before the debacle with the head lice.

She didn't dare suggest he cut it all off, though. He might decide to do it on his own, but she wasn't going to be the one to mention it. He'd seemed pretty angry about it that day, before his announcement.

'I think you were right,' he'd said.

Hilde wasn't sure what had really made her question his orientation. Perhaps it was a way of making herself feel better for the lack of attention. Perhaps it was because Duo often seemed to go out of his way to seem cold and callous about things, and she thought he'd relate better to a man if he wanted a relationship. Perhaps it was because he'd slowly seemed less and less interested in their sex life. He'd never been much of a cuddler, but over the last few months before they'd called it quits, he'd seemed to treat bringing her to orgasm as some sort of task he was required to finish. Or perhaps...perhaps she was overanalyzing her own motives just as much as she was doing regarding Duo.

"Earth to Hilde," he said, looking a bit concerned. When she looked at him with a bemused expression, he added, "penny for your thoughts?"

"You always were a cheap bastard, Duo," she said affectionately. He looked surprised at the deeply affectionate tone she used. "I was just thinking about what you should wear to dinner this weekend."

"I thought this news about your geriatric client was my Get-Out-of-Jail-Free card."

She clucked her tongue at him. "No, you didn't. You might have been hoping so, but you didn't believe any such thing."

"A man can dream," he said, then his gaze seemed to cloud over just a moment. "And I'm capable of dressing myself."

"You're a man," she pointed out. "As such, you are helpless at picking out suitable attire."

He adopted an expression of being deeply wounded. "And as a man, I pull a suit out of my closet, make sure the cuffs are buttoned and my fly is zipped. I promise, no zoot suits, no underground rave fashions, and no golf pants."

She took a sip of her water and gestured for Duo to hand her the napkin she'd tossed at him earlier. When he returned it, she threw it at him a second time.

It wasn't long after that the two of them walked out, Duo's arm around her shoulders and hers around his waist. She rested her head on his upper arm for just a second as they reached his car. She pulled away and waited for him to unlock the door.

"Duo," she teased. "Stop playing pocket pool."

He looked like a kid with his hands caught in more than the cookie jar. "I will when you start letting me reap the so-called 'benefits' of our friendship." He opened the door for her, but she made no move to enter the car.

She held up her right hand and rubbed her thumb and forefinger together in a circular motion. "See this, Duo?"

He snorted. "Yeah, I got it," he said, rolling his eyes. "The world's smallest violin..."

"...playing just for you," she finished.

"I think I at least deserve the whole damn orchestra," he muttered. She laughed and slid into the seat. Although he shut her door forcefully, she knew he wasn't angry.

As he walked around the other side of the car, Hilde was once again convinced that her earlier suspicions were right.

Something had been worrying Duo, and whatever it had been was no longer weighing as heavily on his mind.

It was almost too bad they weren't really planning on exercising the 'friends with benefits' option, because he did look incredibly sexy when he was pleased about something.

Duo put his key in the ignition and started the car. As he was fastening his seat belt, she put a hand on his arm.

"What now?" he asked, trying to sound put out but failing.

"Would you stop somewhere on the way to my apartment?"

"What do you need this time, Hilde?"

She grinned at him. "D batteries."

Hilde was rewarded with the sound of Duo's laughter as he pulled away from the curb. She realized how much she'd missed it.

With any luck, she'd hear more of it Friday night. She reached over and changed the radio station to something she knew would annoy Duo. Predictably, he complained about it the entire way to her apartment, but didn't make her change it back.

And when she kissed him goodnight, on the cheek, she noted the way his hair smelled, and felt a tiny wave of sadness that it wasn't quite the same anymore.

Duo wasn't quite the same anymore.

He walked her to her door and they embraced briefly before she entered the apartment. Once inside, she sat on the couch and kicked her shoes off, then pulled her feet up under her.

Duo Maxwell was a better friend than a lover, she thought drowsily. She draped her arms over the armrest and laid her head on them before sliding her legs to the opposite end of the couch. Before her eyes fluttered shut, she acknowledged that, in her book, the former was much more important than the latter.

tbc