Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Three Small Words ❯ Chapter 1

Disclaimer: If I owned Gundam Wing there would be a lot more butt shots of Zechs and Trowa with his shirt off in the series…

Warnings: This is a yaoi story. That means there are homosexual relationships apparent. So if you don't like that sort of thing I suggest you go read another fic. If you still insist on reading despite the warning, I will not be held responsible for what you see. That means that any flames I receive on the subject (I have yet to be flamed for homosexual pairings in my fics believe it or not!) will be subsequently laughed at and ignored. Understood? Good. Let's get to the fic.

Musical Inspiration: Among other things, Lisa Loeb's Do You Sleep lyrics are scattered throughout the thing and Bush's Chemicals Between Us also had a hand in creating this fic.

Author's Notes: I know. Everybody hates Author's Notes. Let's just skip it then. If I have anything to say I'll do it at the end.

Three Little Words

"Well," Duo said, stretching his arms up over his head with an exaggerated yawn, "I'm beat. I think I'll just head off to bed now."

"Duo?" Quatre looked at the braided pilot questioningly. It was only nine o'clock, hardly time for bed, and he had never know Duo to go to sleep early if he didn't have to get up the next morning.

But the self-proclaimed Shinigami had been acting strange recently and Quatre had an idea that it had something to do with a certain Perfect Soldier. There was an obvious rift between the two pilots that had been growing wider for the past couple of days.

Still, Heero had not taken to avoiding Duo like he usually did and there were no loud screaming matches that ended with slamming doors as was prone to happen when Duo lost his temper. In fact there had been almost no dialogue between the two at all, which in itself was strange. From what Quatre could see, Duo was not even trying to get back together with Heero this time. Maybe, this time, Duo was avoiding Heero.

'But that's silly,' Quatre told himself. 'Duo can't stay mad at Heero for more then a day. What could he have done to make him so angry?'

Quatre turned his attention to the cobalt-eyed pilot, who was, in turn, watching Duo stretch and walk out of the room. He caught something, a flash of hurt, in the boy's eyes before his stony demeanor returned and he resumed the task of writing up a mission's report.

But after a few moments the report seemed to lose interest for Heero and he also got up and left the room, not bothering to excuse himself or wish those that remained a good evening. Quatre watched him leave and felt a small twinge of apprehension. His shoulders tensed in response, alerting the uni-banged boy beside him that all was not well.

"What's wrong?" Trowa asked softly, placing a gentle hand on the juncture between Quatre's neck and collarbone. The tension faded a bit at that touch and Quatre smiled gratefully up at the other pilot, trying to push the foreboding he had into the back of his mind. He had no wish to worry his love and besides, it was only a bad feeling. There was no real reason to feel apprehensive.

"Nothing Trowa. I'm fine."

Trowa frowned, his brow creasing slightly as he watched the blonde's face. Quatre's smiled was genuine, but faded; as if he couldn't let himself hope that things would stay peaceful for long.

"Are you sure?"

Quatre sighed, knowing that his green-eyed lover wouldn't let this go so easily. Trowa was always very perceptive, especially when it came to Quatre, and he had a persistence that put even Catherine to shame.

'Must be a hereditary trait,' Quatre thought to himself, forcing his muscles to relax and turning to face his lover.

"I'm sure," he said positively. Then, getting an idea, he placed a warm hand on the back of Trowa's neck and brought his other one up to cup his cheek. Letting his voice take on a seductive tone, Quatre smiled and whispered, "I'm always fine when you're around."

Cheeks pinking slightly, Trowa drew the smaller boy into his lap and bent his head down to deliver a tender kiss on his parted waiting lips. Knowing that this would only delay Trowa's questions, Quatre let himself fall into the kiss, concentrating only on the moist warmth that seemed bent on taking his breath away. Heero and Duo could wait until morning. For now, nothing else mattered but making Trowa happy.

//Do you eat, sleep, do you breathe me anymore?

Do you sleep, do you count sheep anymore?

Do you sleep anymore?//

Duo stripped his shirt off and threw it into a rumpled heap on the floor, not caring where it landed. Feeling the cool night breeze filtering in from the open window across his bare chest, Duo shivered. Funny how the nights didn't seem so cold when Heero was sharing his bed.

Banishing that unwanted thought, Duo took the end of his braid in his hands and eased the elastic off the bottom, wincing when a few tangled strands refused to be coaxed out and had to be ripped from his head. Free of its constraint, the heavy rope of chestnut unwound itself quickly, falling about his shoulders in soft waves. Discarding the elastic on the dresser, Duo took up his brush and started to ease the snarls out of his hair, humming absently a tune he couldn't remember the words to.

Outside the door Duo heard a muffled step and his brush paused as his whole body tensed. He knew who it was instantly but when the shadow behind the door continued to stand silently outside the room, Duo returned to his task with easily feigned nonchalance. The routine would follow again tonight as it had for the past two weeks, ever since Duo had refused to let Heero into his bed, into his life.

Once his hair was suitably brushed out, Duo plaited it once more, feeling the muscles in his shoulders scream out by the time he had put the tie around the end. He remembered a time when Heero would braid his hair for him, pressing tickling kisses to his shoulder blades while he worked, listening to Duo chatter about his day…

'Weak!' Duo berated himself. 'Don't let him get to you like that. It means nothing. Nothing.'

Forcing himself to ignore that presence just outside the door, Duo turned the sheets back on the bed and slid into them, feeling the heat of his body warm the cool sheets. Leaning over to the end table, he snapped to light off, settling down into the covers in a semblance of sleep.

//Do you take plight on my tongue like lead?

Do you fall gracefully into bed anymore?//

With eyes closed tight, Duo waited for the first sounds that would alert him to Heero's arrival. He knew he wouldn't have to wait long. Only a couple minutes passed before the door creaked open slowly and muffled steps fell on the soft carpet as Heero padded over to the bed.

It was always the same. Duo would pretend to be asleep and Heero would come and sit on the corner of the bed, just watching him until the tension in the room could be felt like static electricity, and he would speak, demanding to know why Duo was acting this way.

'As if you didn't already know the reason why,' Duo thought bitterly, huddling deeper under the covers. He felt Heero's eyes upon him and had to force himself to keep his eyes shut and his breathing normal. He felt the air change around him and knew that Heero was now on the other side of his bed. When the breeze trickled through the window again it smelled faintly of gunpowder…

Duo felt the weight settle on the bed near his feet and knew Heero was sitting there, looking at him. He could almost picture the exact expression of frustration and anger on the Perfect Soldier's face, knowing that if he were to open his eyes he would see it, just like that.

//I saw you as you walked across my room.

You looked out the window, you looked at the moon.

And you sat on the corner of my bed, and

you smoked with the ghost in the back of my head.//

Silence reverberated around the room, echoing off the walls, mocking the two pilots. Patiently, Duo waited for what he knew would eventually come. He waited for Heero to speak.

He did not have to wait long.

"I know you're awake."

Much faster this time. Heero had barely been in the room five minutes. Last time it had taken an hour for Heero to break the silence.

'He must be getting desperate,' was Duo's thought.

'Good.'

"I know you're awake," Heero repeated. "I know you hear me. So why are you still pretending?"

"Maybe what you're saying isn't what I want to hear."

'Mistake!' Duo's head screamed at him. 'You aren't supposed to talk back. You've broken the cycle. He knows he's got you now.'

Duo bit his bottom lip and kept his eyes shut, resolving to keep that part of the ritual constant at least. He was allowed one lapse. It wouldn't happen again. He wasn't going back this time. Not this time.

Warm breath clouded on his cheek and he felt Heero move over him, not touching, but close, oh so very close. If he raised his head Duo would bump noses with him, he was sure of it.

"Duo," Heero whispered, drawing the name out slowly like he tasting it on his tongue, "Duo, don't you think these games have gone on long enough? Why don't you just tell me what you want."

"You know what I want," Duo muttered, his own voice raw with unshed tears. "And you won't give it to me."

Duo felt a hand trace his cheek and had to restrain himself from leaning into the touch.

'Don't give in, don't give in, don't give in,' he chanted inside his head, reminding himself that he had made a decision. There were to be no compromises this time. It was all or nothing. If Heero couldn't understand that…

"Duo, I don't want to play this game anymore."

"This is no game Heero."

"Oh really?" Duo could almost see that raised eyebrow, that sardonic smile. "Two weeks ago you told me that we were through for no reason whatsoever. Two weeks since you've refused to touch me or talk to me. Two weeks since you kicked me out of your room and your bed. Two weeks without an explanation, without one fucking word on why."

The breath on his face grew harsh. Duo turned his head to the side, trying to escape it, still keeping his eyes tightly closed.

"You know why," he murmured, waiting for the explosion.

"I DON'T!" It wasn't loud. Merely a whisper. But it held so much fury that it might as well been shouted. "Christ, I'm not a mind reader Duo! I have no idea why you're so mad at me. As far as I know I haven't done anything out of the ordinary to piss you off lately."

"No," Duo agreed. "Not out of the ordinary."

"Then what do you want from me?" Heero hissed, his anguish showing through his voice as his frustration threatened to overcome him.

Duo's violet eyes blinked open and he looked up at the Asian boy.

"Three words. That's all I want from you Heero. Just three…little…words…"

Heero's eyes shut in brief pain and he rested his weight on his palms at the side of Duo's head.

"You know I can't-"

"Why not?" Duo challenged, glaring at the other boy. "It's not so hard to say. I've said them to you every day since we first became a couple. Every damn day Heero. Every time we made love, every time we separated for a mission, every time we were reunited afterwards, every night when we laid down to sleep, and every morning when I woke up in your arms. Every single fucking day I've told you I loved you while you just looked back at me, like stone, like a bloody rock!"

"Isn't it enough that I show you?" Heero asked. "Isn't that enough. Duo you know how I feel about you."

"Do I?" Duo mused, a bitter smile gracing his lips. "You've never told me. I need to hear the words Heero. I need to know it with my head as well as my heart. I need all of you Heero, not just the parts you want me to keep."

"Duo I want you," he said, fists clenching in the sheets.

"Yes?"

"And I-I need you."

"Yes?"

"And I…I…just can't!" he cried, head shaking from side to side.

"Of course you can't," Duo whispered, eyes closing again. "You can't say what you don't mean."

//And I don't know, and I don't care

If I ever will see you again.

I don't know, and I don't care

If I ever will be there.//

"Duo…"

"Good night Heero."

"Wait I-"

"Good night Heero."

There was a pause, where everything seemed frozen, and even the wind ceased to blow. And then there was the slight creaking of bedsprings as Heero lifted himself wearily to his feet and walked out the door, closing it gently behind him.

Beneath the covers, Duo shivered and curled himself into a ball.

'I wish…'

'Don't wish. This is how it's always going to be. You have to separate yourself now or you'll never be able to do it.'

'I know.'

Duo sighed and sank deeper into the mattress, grateful for the oblivion that was granted him in the form of sleep.

//Do you eat, sleep, do you breathe me anymore?

Do you sleep, do you keep me anymore?//

To Be Continued?

Author's Notes: Well…that was certainly not my normal fic process. A bit too angsty for me. Melpomene must be running the show this time…

You guys will have to tell me if you want another chapter to this or just leave it as a stand alone.

Please review or send Comments and Criticism (C&C) to chibicherryb@hotmail.com okay?

~ Cherry Blossom ~