Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Three Small Words ❯ Chapter 2

Author's Notes: Well I'm really pleased at the response this got. I only meant for it to be a one shot but since you got my muse going…damn Mel…that's harsh…uh, anyway this is the next part. Just so you know, all warnings and disclaimers from the first part apply here as well. That being said, bring on the angst!

Three Small Words: Part Two

The next morning Duo wandered into the kitchen to find all of the other pilots already there, eating an elaborate pancake breakfast that Trowa prepared on Quatre's request. The small blond sat on a stool near the stove, watching his lover pour batter into a skillet with a satisfying hiss. He looked up when Duo arrived and gave him a smile.

"Good Morning Duo-kun," he chirped in a manner way too cheerful for eight o'clock in the morning. "Are you hungry?"

Duo rubbed his stomach and gave Quatre a grateful smirk.

"Do you really have to ask that question?"

Quatre gave a soft laugh at that and hopped off his stool to push Duo into a chair across from Heero.

"I guess not. Sit down and Trowa will have a fresh batch made for you in no time," he prodded.

Duo twitched uncomfortably in his chair and looked across the table to where Heero sat, reading the paper. At that moment Heero looked up and their gazes connected. Duo felt like he was drowning in a sea of intense blue, everything else in the room fading away in the background as he focused on Heero's face.

Heero's voice brought him back to reality, the plain monotone forcing the world back into focus with startling clarity.

"See something you like?"

//You kick my foot under the table,

I kick you back;

I can't say I'm able to

Stand for you or

Fall for you ever again.//

Frowning, Duo turned his head away, ignoring the Wing pilot.

'Don't get sucked back in,' he told himself. 'It's not worth it if he can't feel the same way about you.'

From his perch on the stool, Quatre frowned, observing the unspoken conflict between Duo and Heero. He didn't quite know what was going on but it was evident that both parties were suffering subsequently. A light touch on his shoulder caused him to start and turn to look into a pair of concerned emerald eyes.

"Quatre what-"

Shaking his head to keep Trowa quiet, Quatre lifted a plate of pancakes and forced a cheery smile on his face.

"Here you go, Duo," he said, walking over to the table and placing the plate down in front of the braided boy. "A stack of three."

"Thanks Q-man," Duo said, digging his fork into the fluffy cakes and shoveling it into his mouth like a starving man.

Heero stood up and threw the paper down on the table. Startled, Quatre turned to him.

"Aren't you going to stay and eat Heero?"

//Wish for a perfect setting

Wishing that I am letting you

Take me where you want me

All over again//

"I'm not hungry," the soldier said, giving Duo one last heated look that the boy chose to ignore before turning on his heel and walking out of the kitchen.

Quatre watched him go, a strange expression on his face. Something was wrong here. Something…

He rubbed his chest absently.

"Quatre?"

"Hmm?" he said absently, looking to where Duo was smiling up at him.

"Do we have any maple syrup?"

"Wha…oh! Yes, yes of course. I'll get it for you."

Duo chuckled as he watched Quatre bustle around the kitchen, looking for the maple syrup. When the blond Arab finally found the jug, Duo poured a liberal amount on his pancakes, watching the sugary brown liquid flow and pool at the bottom of his plate. Tasting the sweetness on his tongue, Duo remembered another use for the syrup he used to have…

'Heero…'

He remembered late night forages in the kitchen when everybody else was asleep. Those nights when Heero was away on a mission and Duo would wait for him to come back while filling himself with sugary and caffeine filled treats in order to keep awake for his absent lover. He remember how he always failed to stay up, falling asleep, instead curled up in one of the kitchen chairs, his head cradled in his arms on the table. He remembered how Heero would come in and find him there, brushing his bangs back, kissing him awake, stripping his clothes off and clasping Duo close because his need was too great to wait for the bedroom. He remembered how afterwards they would lie on the cold wood floor, exhausted and Heero would tell him about the mission and his tense muscles would relax under Duo's careful ministration. Then he would repeat those words, those damn words that Heero just couldn't bring himself to say afterwards…

'Heero, Heero…If you weren't just using me then why can't you just tell me what I want to hear?'

//You can't give yourself absolutely to someone else.//

Duo sighed and pushed his fork around his plate, no longer hungry. He started to get up as well and then caught Quatre's worried look. Not wanting to alarm the small Arabian, Duo sat back down and gave him a lopsided grin.

"Hey Quatre, could you get me some milk? I forgot it while I was up."

Quatre smiled back and bounced up off his stool again.

"Sure Duo-kun!"

Duo forced himself to choke down the pancakes, which now tasted like so much ashes in his mouth. He didn't want it to appear as though anything was wrong.

'Because nothing is wrong. You've finally stood up for yourself and got out of a bad relationship. You didn't need him anyway, so stop acting like your world just came to an end and live your life the way you were supposed to.'

//And I don't know, and I don't care

If I ever will see you again.

I don't know, and I don't care

If I ever will be there.//

The next couple of days dragged slowly for Duo. The pilots were given no missions and the self-proclaimed Shinigami spent most of his time avoiding Heero. When the Perfect Soldier entered the room, Duo would find some excuse to leave it. When Heero attempted to speak with him, Duo's eyes glazed over like Heero was ghost, someone long dead that he couldn't feel anymore, let alone commune with.

Quatre saw all this and became even more worried.

'He's hurting Heero. He doesn't show it but I can feel his pain in my own heart. Every time Duo refuses to acknowledge him it's like he's lost another piece of his soul. Oh Duo, why? Why do you continue to hurt him this way?'

Trowa watched Quatre rub his chest soothingly as if it hurt him. His frown deepened as he followed his lover's gaze to the boy in the corner of the room. Duo was sitting in the easy chair, his feet cross legged with a book balanced on his knees while his hand toyed absently with the end of his braid as he read. Duo had been acting rather strangely the past few weeks now that Trowa thought about it. But he didn't seem to be suffering at all. In fact he was acting as cheerful as ever. Maybe a bit too cheerful…

'He's forcing himself to be happy? But why? Duo's never been one to keep things bottled up inside when he's upset. That more of a Heero thing…'

As if on cue, the stoic pilot appeared in the doorway, standing silently there for a few moments, his eyes locked onto the braided figure in the chair. Duo gave no sign that he noticed his entrance or felt his stare. Trowa watched as Heero slowly made his way towards the chair where Duo sat, his walk hesitant and wary, as though he were approaching a wild animal that might bite. He stopped directly in front of Duo and looked down at the pilot.

The other pilots seemed to hold their breath in anticipation of what was to come. Wufei paused in his game of chess, the piece he was about to place hovering over the square with a delicate fragility. He watched the scene unfold, a hint of worry in his eyes. He recognized the game.

'It was what I did with Meiran, or what she did to me. To see how much pain could be inflicted before the other would break…'

Duo didn't look up from the book, his eyes skimming the page, oblivious to Heero's presence. Heero bit his bottom lip and then opened his mouth as if he would speak…then he closed it again and turned on his heel, his eyes closing and fists clenching in frustration. With only barely enough control to keep from running from the room, Heero left the others for the safety and solace of his laptop, which, being inanimate, wouldn't alienate him this way.

Quatre let out a small, almost inaudible whimper of pain as the hurt in his chest grew sharper. Trowa noticed this and scowled, coming over to stand before Duo, much the same way Heero did. Enough was enough.

"All right, what's going on," he asked, taking the book from Duo's hands and forcing him to pay attention.

Duo glared at him and made a grab for the book, which Trowa held just out of reach. After many unsuccessful tries, Duo gave up and crossed his arms over his chest, pouting.

"I don't know what you mean," he said glibly. His one hand straying to twist around his braid, tighter and tighter.

Trowa glared and tossed the book to the floor in a totally un-Trowa-like display of rudeness, showing just how deep his displeasure was.

"You know," he said coldly. "Just what kind of game are you playing with Heero? You two haven't spoken in weeks and you've been acting like he's invisible for the past couple of days."

"It's none of your business Trowa, so go stick your nose somewhere else," Duo snapped.

"Wrong," Trowa whispered, bending down so that he was at eye level with the braided pilot. "I don't give a shit whether you or Heero live happily ever after. I don't care if you plan to drive him slowly insane by refusing to talk with him, but whatever it is you're doing to Yuy is hurting Quatre. And that makes it my business."

Duo raised startled eyes to look at the small Arabian who was unsuccessfully trying to calm Trowa down. He observed the tired bags underneath the boy's eyes and the way he rubbed his chest constantly with one hand while the other pulled at the sleeve of Trowa's shirt and felt a pang of guilt.

"I'm sorry Q. I forgot about the whole empathy thing, really."

"It's okay Duo, I'm fine but…" Quatre put his other hand to his heart with a look of pained confusion. "Why are you doing this? You're hurting him. He may not show it but…I can feel it inside me. You're ripping him to shreds."

"He'll get over it," Duo muttered, bowing his head so that his eyes were hidden by the long chestnut bangs clustered around his forehead. "He doesn't really love me. He'll get over it soon enough."

Quatre's eyes grew wide and he took a step back.

"H-how can you say that? You know how he looks at you."

Duo laughed darkly, no humor in his voice.

"Yes I've seen him look at me. And lust is all I see. I'm tired of being someone's fuck-toy. Heero can go find someone else to play with."

"Heero doesn't think of you like that and you know it," Trowa said tersely, brow creasing at Duo's harsh tone.

"Oh no?" Duo said, his face twisted in a grin so wide it was almost a grimace. "Tell me, have you ever heard him say that he loves me? Even once?"

Trowa opened his mouth to reply and found that he couldn't. He had never heard Heero say those words to Duo, even though he'd heard Duo say them to Heero many times. Quatre had stiffened by his side and he knew from looking at the Arabian that he had never heard Heero say those words either. As if on cue all turned to look at Wufei who shrugged his shoulders in answer.

Duo laughed again, a rasping painful sound and Trowa winced to hear it.

"Neither have I," he whispered softly. "Neither have I."

"But…" Quatre tried to organize and argument. "Can't you tell without the words? Doesn't his actions show you?"

"And which actions would those be Q-man? The way he ignores me? Insults me? Tells me to shut up? I don't see much love there."

"But-"

"No. I'm not listening to this anymore. I'm sorry you have to feel Heero's frustration at the moment Quatre but I'm not going back to him this time. I know what I need. And I need to know that someone will be able to love me with all their heart. Heero just can't give me that. He's too emotionally crippled. And now, if you'll excuse me…" Duo got up from his chair and pushed his way past Quatre and Trowa. "I need my beauty sleep."

Watching the braided pilot exit, Quatre turned helplessly to Trowa and reached out a hand, though whether it was to comfort or be comforted he couldn't say. His auburn-haired lover wrapped his arms around him, as if assuring himself that he could show his emotions, even if Heero couldn't.

"Quatre…" he started. "I know I don't tell you often enough…"

"Shh," Quatre hushed him, putting a gentle finger to his lips. "You don't have to say it. I already know. I see it when you look at me. I taste it when you kiss me. I feel it when you hold me. I know. Why doesn't Duo know?"

"He's scared."

Both Quatre and Trowa turned to acknowledge this unexpected comment from Wufei.

"Scared of what?" Trowa demanded.

Wufei sighed and looked down at his hands which he had folded neatly in his lap. He spoke hesitantly, as if not entirely sure he should be divulging this information.

"Maxwell grew up as an orphan on L2. He hasn't had the privilege of knowing a loving family. I'm pretty sure that only a couple of people have ever told him they loved him, and that they're all dead now. Plus he hasn't had an easy life on the streets. His experience with relationships has not been…nice. He just needs the reassurance of the words so he doesn't feel like a commodity," Wufei finished, clasping his hands in front of him so that he wouldn't fidget.

"Duo told you this?" Quatre asked, curious.

Wufei looked embarrassed, his cheeks flushing a bright red.

"Not exactly. Maxwell has very vivid nightmares…he talks in his sleep. The last mission in Veldspa we had to room together. The night was not restful."

Trowa's brow creased in confusion. "But if Duo talks in his sleep, then wouldn't Heero know all this?"

A small, mocking smile graced Wufei's lips and he shook his head.

"I'm pretty certain that Maxwell doesn't have these nightmares when Yuy is around. Whatever else he might claim, he does love Yuy. He feels safe with him."

Quatre gave a small sigh and leaned against Trowa's solid weight for support. He suddenly felt very tired.

"What can we do?" he asked, looking sad and a little lost.

"Unfortunately we can't do anything," Wufei said, getting to his feet gracefully. "We just have to hope that they will work it out themselves."

"It's just not fair," Quatre sniffed, as Trowa cuddled the boy to him protectively.

"I know," Trowa soothed. "But there's nothing we can do. Maybe Duo will come to realize that the words don't really mean that much. Or maybe Heero will finally be able to say them. Who knows?"

"I hope so," Quatre whispered, looking out the doorway where Duo had disappeared earlier.

'For both their sakes.'

//Do you eat, sleep, do you breathe me anymore?

Do you sleep, do you count sheep anymore?

Do you sleep anymore?//

To Be Continued?

::cough:: Well…this doesn't seem to be getting any better does it? I can't decide between a happy ending and a sad ending…uh oh I just got a really horrible idea…and it's staying with me, ahhhhhh! Oh well, review and tell me if I should just stop this rain of angst right now. Or you could email me at chibicherryb@hotmail.com. I just love to get mail. ^__^