InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ A Fool's Redemption ❯ Vice to Ease the Pain ( Chapter 12 )

Warning: Naughty bits ahead! (yes, finally :P)

Chapter 12 - Vice to Ease the Pain

The door swung open silently, leading into an arched entryway just a few feet long. The muted light inside was daunting— the glass ceiling refracted the flashing lights outside, throwing them at odd angles.

“Inuyasha?” she called softly, but there was no answer.

Kagome took a few hesitant steps forward, her eyes sweeping the floor. Clothing, mostly his, had been scattered all the way to the main room. Her stomach tightened as she paused just before the end of the short hallway. The air was humid, moist against her skin, and the soft hiss of water spray caught her ear. Someone had turned the shower on. There was nothing to block her view of the room ahead, and swallowing hard, she craned her neck to look in. A large hot tub sat on one side, its churning waters empty.

The lights dimmed even further as she dragged her eyes to the other side of the room. They were there, barely visible in the unsteady light, and as her eyes focused on them, she felt her heart lurch painfully. It looked like he was sitting between them, on a bench of some kind. The woman who had dropped the bottle stood behind him, her arms draped over his shoulders; the other knelt in front of him. Kagome didn't need to look any closer. A voice in her head screamed for her to turn and run out, but she couldn't pull her eyes away. Swallowing hard, she fought the urge to flee, and her feet valiantly stayed in place as she stood peeking around the corner, debating what exactly she should do now.

*****

Inuyasha knew he shouldn't have let these two drag him in here. Kagome was probably mad as hell. But it was her fault he was in here with them.

No, that wasn't fair. It wasn't entirely her fault. If he was looking for someone to blame, he'd have to start with himself. After all, it was his questions, his own masochistic curiosity, that had provoked this whole new series of problems.

It was his fault for waiting so long to confront his past, and the consequences of it. Up until recently, he'd been content to go on with his new life, unconcerned with anything that had to do with his previous one. But the closer to Kagome he had gotten, the more he found himself wondering about her view of events from back then. That impulse had dredged up so many memories, so many emotions and old questions that he had managed to tamp down and silence over the years since he'd been given his freedom. Questions that her presence would no longer allow him to ignore.

And so, he'd asked. But the answer had affected him much worse than he thought it would. Knowing that he'd killed so many, and what she had suffered as a result, weighed on him, staggered him. He was ashamed. He almost wished he'd asked sooner. If he hadn't already allowed himself to start caring for her it wouldn't have mattered nearly as much. Being around her was so much more difficult now, knowing what he had caused her to go through, and actually giving a damn about it. So he'd done the first thing that came to mind, the thing that was easiest for him. He'd pulled away and tried to avoid her. It hadn't worked out so well.

It had been cowardly, and it disgusted him to think he was so weak. He couldn't avoid his past — or her, for that matter — forever.

A deep sigh shuddered through him as the one behind him ran her fingers across his chest. Her friend was crouched in front of him, her arms wrapped around his waist, mouth creeping lower along the line of his stomach. He closed his eyes, letting his head fall back a bit.

Once he'd come to the conclusion that returning to his old standoffish self had been a foolish idea, he'd decided to try putting things back to the way they had been. He was fairly confident he could — she'd forgiven him for worse, hadn't she?

To shore up his bravery, he'd been liberal with his drinking tonight. He knew it was still a bit cowardly, but bravery came in stages. He could get away with using a crutch now and then.

But perhaps he'd had too much. There had been no acting involved when he fell against her this time, though he had enjoyed her reaction. Annoying her was just so much fun. Then that wave of dizziness threatened to buckle his knees, and he'd gotten so close that he could feel the warm blush rising from her skin, could smell all the different scents on her: the shampoo she used; her laundry detergent; a hint of perfume; and beneath all that, the scent that was just Kagome, and nothing else. It was intoxicating. His body began reacting almost instantly, and he'd come very close to letting himself go. But she responded, something he never would have expected, and it startled and unnerved him. That one short moment had been enough to clear his mind, to think better of his actions, to let him push away and retreat.

His nerves had calmed quickly. It was a surprise and a relief to know he'd been able to maintain his control, so when she sat next to him on the bed, he'd felt confident enough — and drunk enough — to try irritating her a bit more by crawling into her lap. Her presence had relaxed him at first. But the longer he laid there, the more aware of her body he'd become. Soon he was just as stimulated as he had been standing over her. He'd started concentrating on his breathing, taking slow, deep breaths, trying to control the impulses and images prompted by being so close to her. The booze didn't help any.

Then she had touched his face, and he'd nearly jumped out of his skin.

The one at his back was pulling his hair over his shoulder now, exposing his neck. It was the scheming of these two that had saved him. If it hadn't been for them, he might have been undone by Kagome's one simple touch. That's why he'd partly blamed her, even if it was brief and unfair, for allowing himself to be dragged in here. If it weren't for her, he never would have gotten so worked up, never would have needed an outlet for his body's sudden frustration. These women offered a release Kagome couldn't. At least, he didn't think she would. Certainly not tonight, anyway.

Inuyasha shook his head to clear the thought. That was the exact reason he had pulled away earlier. Even if she would, he wasn't entirely sure he should. Not yet. But...just what the hell was he waiting for?

A sharp bite at his ear pulled his attention back to the present, and he quickly focused on the task at hand. He didn't want to take too much time in here. After all, these two weren't really the ones he wanted to spend his evening with.

Fingers were dragging over his chest again, caressing the most sensitive areas in enticing circles. He could feel the contours of the body behind him, pressed tightly against his back. The pair were still clothed, at least partially, in their lacy underwear. He sighed as the one between his legs began teasing him with her mouth, running her nails low across his stomach.

He turned his eyes down and stared at the long, dark tresses that flowed over her shoulders and down her back. This would be so much better if that hair belonged to someone else. Without realizing it, his mind began to wander again, and this time he was thinking only of Kagome: the alluring way she moved when she danced; the peaceful look of her sleeping face; the gentle, unintended sway of her hips as she walked; the curve of her body when she bent to pull on her shoes; that delicious scent that had filled his lungs earlier as he'd bent over her shoulder...

Suddenly it was Kagome's hair spilling over his thighs, Kagome's warm lips wrapped around him, Kagome's tongue sliding along his length. The sudden flood of images threatened to push him too far, too fast, and he clenched his teeth, struggling to maintain control as a thrilled shudder coursed through him.

Desperate for a distraction, he reached out and gently ran his fingers through her hair. Kagome's hair. The color was right, though it was a little more wavy than usual, and looked a little longer too. Maybe she'd styled it differently tonight. He smiled as he fleshed out the fantasy, letting his imagination take over. He allowed his eyes to slide shut as her tongue rubbed against his skin, sending tiny shivers of delight through his veins.

With his eyes closed, his mind was free to loose itself in reverie. Soon, there was no more body behind him, no woman in his lap who's name he vaguely remembered. There was no more press of lips and teeth at his neck, and the mouth between his legs now belonged to someone much more exciting. The other two had completely faded away. It was just himself and Kagome now. He envisioned every part of her, every curve, every inch of her body laid out before him, and he gripped the edge of the bench, desperate to reach out and touch that skin, knowing that the real thing would feel so much softer and warmer than he could ever imagine.

The fantasy began to run wild. In his mind, it was no longer just Kagome's mouth devouring him, it was her body as well, rising and falling over him, pulling him deeper with every pass. Both images were equally exhilarating; he couldn't decide which one to focus on. Eager hands trailed up his thighs to join the mouth pleasuring him, and his muscles jumped uncontrollably beneath her fingers, making his jaw flex in frustration. His body was ready for it's release, but he didn't want to let go yet. He wanted to savor this small bit of intimacy with Kagome, no matter how unreal it was.

But the images assaulting his mind were too enticing, too potent. Instead of fight it, he gave a resigned sigh and let his body have its way. The moment he released that last bit of control, his orgasm surged down his spine in a sudden rush, flowing through him in trembling waves. His frame tightened and strained forward as the sensation rolled and pulsed through him, and with a desperate moan, Kagome's name escaped his lips.

It was all he could do to keep himself upright as he fought to regain his breath, the two women with him slowly creeping back into his consciousness. The one between his legs shifted to one side and laid her head on his thigh, rubbing her cheek against his skin.

“Did you like that?” she asked, her voice a salacious purr.

“Be quiet,” he muttered, concentrating, keeping his eyes tightly closed. He wasn't ready for the fantasy to be over with, wasn't ready to let the Kagome in his mind slip away. Not just yet.

*****

He was so beautiful.

That was the only thing Kagome could think as she stood there watching. Amazingly, that thought was even stronger than the suffocating ache in her chest. She had no misconceptions about his recreational habits, knowing very well what went on during these escapes into the shadows of his terrace. But it was one thing to be aware of it and another thing entirely to see it for herself.

She was a bit irked that he had wandered off so quickly after his earlier affections — alcohol induced or not. But she couldn't be angry at him for indulging the pair of women. After all, this kind of thing was normal for him; it just happened to be less of an occurrence lately. The only difference this time was her misfortune in having to see it.

Even so, she knew she was reacting with way too much tolerance. Shouldn't she be offended? Repulsed? Running? Anything but standing here staring. But as soon as her eyes focused on him, every other emotion spinning through her mind was instantly scattered. She couldn't pull her eyes away, completely captivated by the way his body tensed and shivered beneath the women's attentions; the lascivious concentration on his face; the way his eyes would flutter open every now and then, catching the light and flashing gold.

And then his body bowed forward as the woman in his lap drove him over the edge, his features strained with a mix of ecstasy and pain. Some word forced its was past his clenched teeth, but his hair spilled over his shoulder then, hiding his face from view. She didn't catch the word; the combination of the resonant music from outside and the drumming of running water had drowned it out.

She stood transfixed as he tried to steady his breathing, his head hanging forward, chest heaving from exertion.

The girl between his legs said something, but Kagome didn't catch that either. Her attention was suddenly drawn to the figure at Inuyasha's back. The woman stood frozen behind him, staring at the side of his face, her hands gripping his shoulders. Her red eyes were suddenly bright, focused, excited — like the eyes of a cat that had just stumbled across a wounded bird. It wasn't the kind of look one would give a lover; it was predatory. Kagome frowned, disturbed by the expression.

The woman's gaze strayed away from him, turning thoughtful and drifting absently toward the entryway. Kagome suddenly realized she was perilously close to being spotted, and even as she ducked back behind the corner, she knew she'd been too slow.

“Who's over there?” a female voice demanded.

Hesitantly, Kagome peeked into the room. All three of them had turned their attention in her direction. “It's just me,” she said, her voice thick with embarrassment.

Inuyasha's eyes were suddenly wide, horrified. Even in the half-light, she could see that the color had drained from his face. He shoved the girl away from his lap, a bit too forcefully, and scrambled to cover himself.

The woman behind him watched his reaction, then turned a curious stare to Kagome. Her brows lowered and the corners of her mouth pulled up into an amused smile.

“My! Your assistant seems to be a bit of a voyeur,” she said coyly, tightening her arms around Inuyasha's shoulders, her gaze locked onto Kagome, as if fascinated by her. “What was her name again?”

“Shut up, Kagura,” he snapped in a low, warning tone, keeping his eyes turned down, away from the entryway.

“I wasn't watching! I've only been here...for a moment...” Kagome defended herself weakly. “I knocked, but no one answered.”

“What do you want, Kagome?” he asked, his voice harsh. He still wouldn't look at her.

She had to swallow once before she could answer. “The King wants to see you.”

Inuyasha's chest was still heaving as he nodded. “Fine,” he said quickly, dismissively.

Kagome didn't wait for anyone to say anything else, turning on her heel and fleeing to the door. She burst back out onto the terrace, letting the door swing shut behind her. The terrace was already cleared of all of Inuyasha's previous guests. The only person remaining was her uncle, who had helped himself to a drink and now sat lounging at one end of the long couch.

“That took a while,” the older man said as she approached. “Is everything alright?”

She forced her face into an expression she hoped would look normal.

“Yeah. He'll be out in a moment,” she said.

Evidently she hadn't been as careful with her expression as she'd thought — he raised a suspicious eyebrow at her.

“You sure everything's okay? You look a little upset,” he commented, frowning slightly.

She smiled at his concern. “I'm fine. Really!” she insisted, sitting next to him. “How are you? It's been a while since we talked last.”

His eyes narrowed, still suspicious, but instead of pursuing the issue, he allowed the change of subject, answering her question and settling into an easy conversation.

Kagome was glad he'd let himself be so easily distracted. With everything that had happened so far tonight, the last thing she wanted was to get into a discussion about Inuyasha with the one person who was the closest thing to a father-figure she had left.

“Did you hurt yourself?” he asked suddenly, interrupting their conversation. He was looking down at her hand. Kagome followed his stare and found one of her fingers streaked with dried blood. She blinked in surprise and held up the hand to get a closer look.

“I guess so,” she murmured. “I cleaned up some glass earlier. It must have—” Her voice cut off as the women emerged from the shower, once again fully clothed. They each gave a little greeting to the King as they headed quickly toward the door, the one with the red eyes flashing Kagome another curious glance as she walked past. The older man nodded graciously at them as they hurried by, but his lips were set in a tight line. Once they were gone, he turned concerned eyes back to his niece.

“You should have told me they were in there, Kagome. I could have gotten him myself. I didn't mean for you to—”

Damn it, she thought. Now he was going get upset. “It's okay,” she interrupted, holding up her injured hand and forcing a smile. “I should go take care of this before it starts bleeding again.” Before he could continue, she stood and headed toward the mini-bar. There was a first-aid kit in a cabinet under the sink that she could use to clean herself up.

She opened the cabinet door and rummaged around for a moment before her hand found the kit. As she stood and placed it on the counter, the sound of the shower door opening and closing met her ears. Inuyasha passed behind her without a word, and headed quickly toward where the king still sat on the couch. She realized her body had stiffened as he'd walked by, and she let out a long breath, turning her focus to the task of wrapping her finger. She rinsed the dried blood and inspected the cut. It wasn't deep, but the glass had sliced the skin just enough to make it bleed like hell. She hadn't even noticed when it happened. Maybe her anger had made her careless, and numbed her to the pain in the process.

By the time she finished, Inuyasha and her uncle were already deep in conversation, so she quietly headed out to the landing at the top of the terrace stairs, closing the large double doors to give them some privacy. Her bench was still there, even though she rarely had reason to use it anymore, and she sat with a heavy sigh, letting her head fall back against the wall. Now that she was aware of it, the wound was beginning to ache, and she flexed her fingers absently. The lights above had warmed and taken on a soft, lovely blue-green hue. It had a calming effect, and suddenly she felt exhausted.

She tried closing her eyes, but that didn't do much good. Images from the shower instantly flooded her mind, forcing her eyes back open to stare out across the cavernous hall. Even though she hadn't been able to pull her gaze away from him at the time, she didn't really want to remember any of it right now. She wished there was some way to just shut her brain off for a while.

Time seemed to creep by at a maddeningly slow pace, though it might have just been her dread at having to face Inuyasha after what had happened that made it seem that way. But only twenty minutes had passed when her uncle opened the door and walked out onto the landing. He paused to give her a long glance, his eyes full of apology and empathy. She realized that he'd put all the pieces together on his own — she highly doubted Inuyasha had told him anything — and even though he didn't know the details of what had happened, he sympathized with her. Without a word, he continued down the stairs, and Kagome stood, staring after him as he left.

Finally, she reluctantly turned back to the open doors. Inuyasha was still sitting where her uncle had left him, one arm slung over the back of the couch, his face turned to stare out across the hall as if lost in thought. He seemed to notice the moment she began to approach, stiffening almost imperceptibly. Before she could get any closer, he suddenly stood and marched toward the doors.

“Let's go,” he muttered as he passed.

Assuming he meant they were leaving for the night, she quickly followed, closing the doors behind them and trailing him down the stairs into the mass of people below. He maneuvered easily through the crowd and headed straight toward the elevators, managing to brush off the few people who tried to stop him as he charged forward. He probably would have paced in the elevator as well, but settled for just tapping a foot impatiently as the glass cage ascended through the near-darkness. Kagome did the best she could to ignore his agitation. She wasn't really sure how to deal with him in this state, and it didn't seem he was in the mood to talk things out anyway.

He continued his march into the tower atrium and all the way to the second elevator, the one that would take them back up to his apartment. He barely waited for her to step inside before he mashed the button for the top floor, sending them quickly on their way up the side of the tower.

Kagome assumed they would spend this trip the same way as the last, in total silence, but he startled her by suddenly asking, “What happened to your finger?” He kept his face turned down as he spoke.

She stared at him in surprise, and then looked at the bandaged hand. “I just cut myself cleaning up the glass. No big deal,” she shrugged.

“Sorry. I should have helped you,” he mumbled.

“You wouldn't have been much help. You could barely stand up straight,” she teased, trying to lighten his mood. It didn't appear to work. Neither one spoke for a few moments.

“I'm sorry,” he said finally.

“Really, it's okay. It's just a tiny cut.”

“That's not what I...” he trailed off as the elevator slid to a halt halfway up the tower. The doors opened, revealing a young blonde woman on the other side. Her eyes lit up excitedly when she saw Inuyasha, and she sauntered into the elevator toward him.

“Good evening, Inuyasha,” she cooed, sidling up to him. “On your way home already?”

He glanced down at her, his face carefully neutral. “Yes,” he answered.

“Would you like some company?” she offered, raising up on her toes to whisper something in his ear, too low for Kagome to hear.

Inuyasha looked as if he were struggling to keep from making a face. Instead, he gave a small smile. “Not tonight, but thank you for the offer,” he replied diplomatically.

The elevator came to a stop again just a few floors higher. “Maybe some other time, then,” the girl said, running a hand down the front of his shirt as she moved away from him. With a little wave and a smile Kagome assumed was meant to be charming, she walked out.

As the doors closed and the elevator continued its climb up the side of the tower, he tossed Kagome a sideways glance.

She was very careful not to let the distaste that had settled on her face during the encounter with the blonde show, making her expression as pleasant as possible.

Inuyasha raised an eyebrow at her and then leaned back against the railing, letting his head fall forward once again, hiding his face beneath a curtain of white hair.

“How the hell do you do that?” he sighed.

“Do what?” she asked.

“Pretend that you're okay with everything.”

“Pretend?” She struggled to keep her voice mild.

“Yes, pretend!” He snapped angrily and turned away.

An uncomfortable silence stretched out between them, until he turned his face back to her, still refusing to raise his eyes as he spoke.

“Before she came in, I going to say...I was sorry, for you having to see...that. Earlier.”

Her face heated a bit. “You don't have to apologize for that.”

He made a small sound of frustration and was suddenly irate again. “There you go again! Should I not apologize? Should I be like you and act like it didn't happen? Just smile and pretend it doesn't bother me just as much as it bothers you?” The words spilled out in an angry rush, his tone cutting.

She was too stunned by his small outburst to answer right away. There were too many implications in that sentence; she didn't know which one to respond to first. Her mouth opened, closed, opened again, but no sound came out.

“What do you mean by that?” she finally managed to ask, her voice breaking on the last couple of words.

He scowled. “Cut the crap, Kagome. You're not fooling anyone.” The elevator arrived at the top floor then, and Inuyasha stormed out, squeezing between the doors before they had finished opening.

She stared through the open doors, until they began to close automatically. Lunging forward to place a hand between them, she moved into the hallway and turned toward the apartment. He was already there, heading inside without waiting for her.

'Should I be like you...smile and pretend...' his accusations echoed in her head as she started down the hall. 'You're not fooling anyone.' She cringed. It looked like he'd finally caught on to her indifferent act, finally realized that she was far more affected by some things than she let on. There would be no more hiding behind her pleasant mask.

Kagome trudged into the dark apartment and up the stairs with heavy feet, like a child who'd been caught in a lie and now had to confront an angry parent. He was already kicking off his shoes when she walked into the pool of light created by his bedside lamp. He stood quietly, as he did every night when he was sober enough to stand, his back to her, waiting for her to begin undressing him. Pulling in a deep breath, she stepped in front of him and started unbuttoning his shirt.

“I was bothered by it,” she admitted quietly.

Inuyasha's head tilted toward her a bit, but he still wouldn't look directly at her.

“The truth this time?” he asked.

“Yes,” she nodded. “You're right. It bothered me. But I was the one who walked in on you. It was my fault. So you don't have to apologi—”

“Stop,” he cut her off suddenly, brushing past her and walking to his bed. He sat heavily and finished undoing the rest of the buttons on his shirt, but didn't pull the fabric from his shoulders. Slowly, his movements came to a stop, and he leaned forward, propping his elbows on his knees, looking as if he were weighing some decision in his mind.

“Yes, I do,” he said finally. “And it's really hard for me. So, please, just be quiet for a few minutes, okay?” He turned his eyes up to her imploringly.

It was the 'please' that did her in. Pressing her lips into a thin line, she gave a small sigh of resignation. She nodded once, and the tension in his face eased for just a moment.

But it was back again in an instant as he lowered his eyes to the floor, searching the tiles at his feet as if they held some bit of comfort he needed. When he spoke again, the words came in fits and starts. “I don't even know...how to begin...I've never...I...”

He shook his head, pulled in and released a shuddering breath, and then suddenly the words began pouring out. “I'm a jerk, okay? That night you told me what happened after you got me out of the lab, everything you said to me — I didn't know what to do with it. I didn't know how to react. I just...I felt bad about what'd happened. And it was hard to be around you. It was uncomfortable. I didn't know how to handle it, so I just...”

He stopped, seeming to realize he was rambling, and took another deep breath before continuing, this time in a more controlled tone, “I ran away. But it was either that or,” he paused, as if embarrassment kept him from finding the right words, “you know, find a physical distraction. It's easier to just keep trying to ignore the feelings, or...chase them away with other things.

“That's how it's always been for me since I came here.” He shrugged. “I wanted to forget about the lab. I wanted to be normal, like everyone else here. But things moved so fast. I got so caught up in my new life that I never dealt with the old one. I just kept ignoring it, like it never happened.

“This place gave me more than enough distractions.” He hesitated again for a moment, uncertainty and embarrassment crossing his features. But after a nervous swallow, he continued. “At first, I wasn't really comfortable with being touched, but I thought that if I forced myself, maybe it would get easier, so I started...joining them. And it did get easier. I enjoyed the attention. I felt needed and wanted — normal. At least, that's what I thought was normal.

“That's how I discovered I could use them for my own escape. The memories...are easier to forget in their arms. But I realized after a while that it was all just empty affection. None of them ever meant anything to me. I've used them as much as they've used me.”

“Inuyasha,” she said softly, trying to interject. She didn't want him thinking he owed her an explanation. “You don't—”

But he cut her off with a pointed look, and she closed her mouth once again, resisting the urge to huff in frustration.

“By the time you arrived, I was already starting to realize that all the distractions and all the running away wasn't working anymore, but I couldn't figure out why. Your uncle told me, when I first found out you were here, that I needed to deal with my past. He said I'd stopped moving forward. I wouldn't listen to him, so we argued. It was the first time we'd ever done that. And since I lost the argument, I ran away and...kept running for a while. You know how the rest goes from there. The point is...”

Inuyasha paused, dropping his eyes to the floor as they filled with tired frustration.

“The point is, I don't want to be like that anymore. I'm tired of running away all the time.” He rested his forehead in his hands, hiding his face from view. “So what do I do now?” The question came out as a desperate whisper, more to himself than to her.

She stared down at him for a long moment. His pain and confusion hung thick in the air, almost tangible, and it stabbed at her, wrapped around her like it was her own. Her vision shimmered, and she blinked before the tears could spill over. The urge to comfort him was suddenly overwhelming. Without a second thought, she stepped forward, three quick steps, her pulse climbing into her throat as she stopped before him, his face still hidden in his hands. Gently, she wrapped her arms around his head, pulling him against her stomach. His body froze beneath her, and she heard him suck in a surprised breath. But he didn't pull away.

“Move forward,” she said.

Inuyasha remained silent and stiff against her, not responding.

It seemed like hours passed before he finally spoke. “I can't. What if I something goes wrong?” he asked in a harsh whisper.

Kagome's answer was simple. “Then you deal with it, learn from it, and move on.”

He was quiet again for a long time. She couldn't even feel him breathing.

Eventually, he sighed and dropped his hands from his face, leaning his forehead against her stomach. “Damn it. Where the hell does all your courage come from?” he grumbled. “You should be angry at me! It's my fault those people came after you, my fault you're stuck here. You risked your life to save mine, and I repay you by living with my head half up my ass. It's pathetic.”

“I don't think so,” she disagreed softly. “You just never knew any other way to be. And I couldn't be angry at you, Inuyasha. It wouldn't be fair to blame you for the consequences of something I chose to do on my own. You asked me if what I went through was worth it, for your freedom. And I already told you it was. I meant that. It was all worth it, even the unhappy parts.”

A slight shudder shook through him as he released a deep breath.

“And I'm not very courageous. I'm just stubborn,” she added, smiling down at the top of his head.

He snorted. “I won't argue with that,” he said, his mood obviously lightening a bit.

She considered pinching one of his ears for that, but decided against it as he reached up to wrap his arms around her waist, pressing his face into the fabric of her clothing. There was nothing sensual about the embrace. It was a gesture of comfort, like being held by a scared child.

Kagome ran a hand over his silvery hair. “I'm sorry it's been so hard for you.

“But, I think my uncle's right, Inuyasha,” she said carefully. “It's like you've stopped growing, now you're just existing. There's nothing you can do about what happened in the past, but you can't just forget about it or ignore it, either. Especially when you've carried the pain this far. Nothing's going to change unless you start letting some of it go.”

The silence settled between them once again, pensive this time, no longer awkward and uncertain.

After a minute, he sighed. “I've wasted so much time,” he said quietly.

Her voice was thoughtful as she gently threaded her fingers through his hair. “Maybe you should think of it this way. Instead of time wasted, it's time learned.”

He waited for her to explain, turning to press his cheek against her stomach.

“I think,” she continued, “one of the hardest parts of a journey is figuring out which way to go. Even if you don't know which direction is the right one, once you realize which way you don't want to go, finding the direction you should go is that much easier.”

“Learn from my mistakes,” he agreed quietly.

“Not just mistakes. Everything. Your experiences. Your life. Learn from the good and the bad. Accept it, learn from it, and...” she trailed off, waiting.

“Move forward,” he finished the sentence.

A relieved smile spread across her face as she heard the understanding in his voice, and she had to fight the urge to wrap her arms tighter around him.

Inuyasha turned his forehead to her stomach again, unwinding his arms from around her waist and sliding his hands to her hips, and pushed her back slowly. He stood, only an arms length away from her, and she could finally see his face again. He looked weary, but more at ease than he had in a long time.

He held her eyes with his own for a moment, and then turned away. “I need to go take a shower,” he announced, releasing her.

“Again?” she asked as he brushed past, heading toward his bathroom.

“Yes, again,” he answered without turning. Only when he reached the door did he pause and look back at her.

“Kagome.” He hesitated, seeming to have lost the words he needed. It took him a few seconds to find them once again. “About what happened earlier. I...I never wanted you to see that. I'm sorry.” His voice was fierce with sincerity as he spoke the last two words.

The irony of his sudden apology wasn't lost on her. After all, this whole 'assistant' thing had started as a way for her to make amends to him, as a way to earn his forgiveness. And now, here he was asking the same thing of her, without any unreasonable demands or threats on her part. She should have pointed that out. She should have thrown it back in his face. She should have done any number of things besides give him what he wanted.

Instead, she did the only thing she could do. “I forgive you,” she said. It hadn't really been his fault, but she knew she wouldn't be able to convince him of that.

He stared at her for a moment, as if waiting for the catch, but she didn't offer one. He nodded with relief.

“If...” she added suddenly. She couldn't help having a little fun with it. “You make an oath to me.”

“Okay,” he said, turning toward her, his face earnest.

She faltered, not having expected him to go along with the idea. “I'm just kidding, Inuyasha.”

“No, really,” he insisted. “Make me swear something to you. It's...” he hesitated for a moment, his eyes falling back to the floor. “It's only fair, after all.”

His chagrin threw her for a minute, and she struggled to come up with something that he wouldn't be able to take too seriously. Humor suddenly provided the spark she needed. “Alright. Promise that you'll try not to run away anymore. And...” she paused, placing her hands on her hips, twisting her expression into a playfully haughty smile. “That you'll always try to be as brave as me.” She saturated the last part with mock bravado, hoping he would take it as the joke it was meant to be.

A smirk pulled at the corners of his mouth. “Don't you mean stubborn?” he countered.

Her mouth fell open, the bravado melting instantly into a shocked expression that would have been more convincing if she hadn't been fighting a grin at the same time. Her eyes searched for something to throw at him, but he had already ducked into the bathroom as if expecting the violence, pulling the door closed behind him.

“It's an oath, then! Goodnight, Kagome!” he called through the crack before shutting it completely.

She stared at the door for a moment before finally giving in to the smile, letting it settle easily on her face. Her entire body instantly felt lighter, like a burden lifted. The soft, muted hissing of the shower met her ears as she turned and headed into the darkness of her side of the loft, considering whether or not she should sneak in and flush his toilet to disturb the hot water flow.

But she decided to let it go. He'd probably suspected something like that, and locked the bathroom door, just in case.

*****

The water was hot enough to burn, filling the entire bathroom with steam. Inuyasha scrubbed and scrubbed until his skin was a fierce shade of red, almost bleeding in some places, the pain telling him he was probably causing damage. Or at least what would pass for damage if he had a normal body. Any injury he caused would more than likely heal completely within a day or so. The only thing that mattered now was getting clean.

He scrubbed every single inch of skin, even the more tender, delicate places, willfully ignoring the pain. He wanted to remove all traces of the hands he had allowed to touch him, scrape all memory of their numbing affections from his body. He didn't need them anymore, didn't want them. The only thing he wanted was the purpose — the direction — that had suddenly opened up before him. Things would be different now. Things would be better.

Kagome was so patient, so understanding and strong. And yes, stubborn. But that wasn't always a bad thing. They'd come this far because she had been so stubborn in the beginning. If she'd let him have his way and left him alone, nothing would have changed. After all she had done for him, he owed it to her to try to make the most out of the life she had sacrificed so much to give him.

His skin was still glowing painfully from all the attention as he stepped out of the shower and walked to the mirror. He leaned over the sink and raised a hand, wiping the condensation away to reveal his reflection, and forced himself to stare down his own gaze for a long time.

“You will not fuck this up,” he ordered, speaking each word carefully through his teeth. He gripped the counter and took a deep breath, calming his trembling nerves. As much as he wanted to, he knew he couldn't go rushing into this. Not if he wanted to do things right. And he would do things right this time. There was just too much to loose if he didn't.

*****

“God. I'm not in the mood for this crap tonight,” Inuyasha complained under his breath as he and Kagome walked down the long curving hallway that ran the perimeter of the main tower's top floor.

Kagome sighed deeply, trying to make it clear without words just how annoying his grumbling was becoming. He either didn't notice her effort or didn't care.

“We're not staying long, got it?” he growled at her.

“You're the boss,” she shrugged. “But it is kind of a big occasion. You should at least try to stick it out for a while.”

He responded with another growl.

Kagome stared at him from the corner of her eye as they walked, trying to figure out what it was about this event that he detested so much. He'd never put up this much of a fight about attending a party before. She opened her mouth to ask what the problem was, but thought better of it. Best not to push him. Not even a full twenty-four hours had passed yet since the previous night's events. And if his attitude was any indication, he was still feeling just as emotionally raw as she was.

A few yards ahead, the large double doors leading into the observatory were already swung wide open, the sounds of laughter and music drifting out into the hallway. Kagome expected him to hesitate before walking in, but to her surprise, he charged forward, as if eager to get the ordeal over with. It didn't take her long to understand why he had been so reluctant to attend the party. Before he even made it past the entryway, he was rushed by several people, all chattering at him at once, demanding his attention, pulling him this way and that.

For one quick moment, he glanced back out the door as if preparing to run. But instead, he took a deep breath, squared his shoulders and turned on the group with a judicious smile. “Sorry, guys. I'm not really in the mood for company right now. I think I'd like to be on my own tonight,” he announced gently but firmly, holding up a hand at the sounds of protest that followed. “And I'm not staying long, anyways,” he added with finality.

Kagome stared up at him, impressed with his sudden shift from surly to tactful. Normally, he didn't bother trying to hide the fact that he was in one of his moods, or try to spare anyone's feelings in the process. He would, as impolitely as possible, tell them to leave him alone, always using offensive words for emphasis. This new tactic seemed to work much better, though. It was obvious from the easy air that still surrounded them that no one was taking his evasiveness personally.

Slowly, the small crowd began dispersing, but even as it did, a new one was approaching. “Should only have to do this about twenty more times tonight,” he grumbled, so quietly that only Kagome could hear. His hand suddenly wrapped tightly around hers. “You insisted on coming tonight, so you're going to suffer through it with me,” he said, flashing an obnoxious grin.

She rolled her eyes as he dragged her forward to face the next group.

As it turned out, he only had to give his small avoidance speech a total of seven times before people finally began giving up on getting his attention. Kagome used the time to gaze around the glass-domed room. The huge observatory took up a fourth of the top floor of the main tower, and had two levels, the smaller second level overlooking the bottom floor like a balcony. High overhead, a giant spherical grid of iron, four stories tall at its highest point and set with massive glass panels, provided a sweeping view of the night sky above.

She had been in here a few times before, but only during the daytime, never at night. As they walked further into the observatory and out from under the overhang of the upper floor, Kagome couldn't help staring up in wonder. Millions of stars flickered at them from beyond the glass, the colorful lighting in the room kept low enough to let nature provide most of the atmosphere. One might think that, after seeing the fantastic images created in the air of the underground hall, the real thing would pale in comparison, but for Kagome it had the opposite effect. After staring at man-made stars night after night, the real sky always seemed so much more vivid and tangible. It was the same feeling she got when she stood in front of the massive windows of Inuyasha's loft. No matter how amazing the created images of the underground hall were, nothing could beat the real thing.

Eventually, her neck began aching from being pitched back for so long, and as Inuyasha continued deflecting one group after another, she turned her eyes across the rest of the observatory. It was crowded, but not so much that it was difficult to move around. Everyone, including herself and Inuyasha, were dressed entirely in black, in honor of the person whose birthday was being celebrated. The decorations were minimal, and the music was a relaxing blend of downtempoed and seductive beats, kept low enough that it was easy to carry a conversation.

Finally breaking out of the main crowd, Inuyasha let out a huge sigh and led her to the edge of the room, where the floor of the observatory abruptly ended and the glass dome began. To anyone else, standing so high up with nothing but glass between them and a sixty-story drop might have been unnerving. But Kagome, who had spent so much time at the widows of Inuyasha's loft, found the view exhilarating. She walked up to the glass and stared out over the starlit expanse of land that surrounded the city.

On this side of the tower, the mountains in the distance were much smaller. From the gentle white glow slowly brightening the sky behind the mountains, she could tell the moon was about to rise. She was so busy enjoying the view that she almost didn't notice as Inuyasha joined her at the glass, grumbling again.

“Easier than I thought it would be,” he muttered, and gave her another sly grin when she looked up at him. “I almost told them I already had a date for the night, but then they might have started giving you a hard time,” he said playfully.

She raised an eyebrow at him, unsure how to respond, but before she could consider it further, a figure suddenly appeared at Inuyasha's back and grabbed his shoulder.

“There you are!” came the impatient sound of Kouga's voice as he spun Inuyasha to face him. “I've been waiting for you to get your ass here.” He turned his eyes to Kagome and grinned admiringly. “Lookin' good, babe!” he said with a wink.

Fighting a warm blush, Kagome smiled and replied with a small “Thanks.”

Even in the subdued light, Inuyasha's annoyance seemed to radiate from him. “What do you want, Kouga?” he practically snarled.

Kouga didn't appear to notice his sudden irritation. “You have to help me with something,” he answered.

“What something?”

“Gotta give the birthday boy his big present. King's insisting on making a show of it. Come on,” Kouga replied, turning as if to head back into the crowd.

“No way,” Inuyasha said, crossing his arms. “I'm not getting anywhere near the spotlight tonight. I'm staying right here in the shadows.” His expression was defiant.

Kouga rolled his eyes. “Quit being a jack ass, Inuyasha. It's the guy's birthday. It won't kill you to play along for a few minutes.”

Inuyasha opened his mouth to continue arguing, but Kagome reached over and gently touched his arm. “Go ahead. It's his birthday, after all,” she said.

“I'm not going to leave you here alone,” He insisted, frowning down at her.

She gave his arm a little push. “I'll be fine, Inuyasha. Go humor my uncle. I'll be right here when you're done.”

He hesitated for a moment, staring down at her, then huffed and gave Kouga a sour look. But instead of continuing to argue, he hunched his shoulders and stomped after the other man.

She watched them go with a satisfied smile, glad he hadn't put up more of a fight. Left with no one to talk to and not wanting to appear awkward standing all by herself, she turned back to the window and found that the moon was finally beginning to appear behind the mountains.

Once again lost in the view, she didn't notice that she was no longer standing alone until a low, smooth voice said, “Ah, there you are.”

She looked toward the sound of the voice and found Naraku standing next to her, very close, an inviting smile resting easily on his lips. “I hoped I would catch you alone for a moment tonight,” he said. Kagome was speechless under his warm gaze for a moment before finding her voice again.

“Naraku! Happy birthday!” she exclaimed, smiling up at him.

He chuckled — a rich, effortless sound. “Thank you, Kagome.” The sound of her name coming off his tongue was like a brush of silk across skin.

She ducked her face a bit to hide the gentle blush that had resurfaced suddenly. “Are you having a good time?” she asked, feeling a bit embarrassed that she hadn't come up with a better question.

His smile widened further and he nodded. “I am now. I had been wondering whether or not Inuyasha would force you to come along with him tonight.”

“Actually, I'm the one who insisted we come. He was in one of his moods and wasn't feeling very sociable.”

“Ahh. Well, then, I'm very glad he had you to persuade him. I'd imagine it's hard to say no to you.”

She felt the familiar warmth rage in her cheeks. Why did she find it so hard to prevent around this man? He is very handsome, beautiful even, in a masculine way, she thought, staring up at him. The emerging moonlight reflected off his pale, porcelain-like skin, and illuminated his black hair, turning it a dark silvery-blue. Beneath the long black lashes of his eyes, his irises glowed red where the light touched them. Yes, it definitely had something to do with his looks. It didn't help that he was so damn charming, either.

Her mind scrambled for something intelligent to say, but he spoke again before she could embarrass herself.

“I'm surprised you're by yourself, though,” he said, looking back into the crowd. “Where's Inuyasha?”

“Kouga...” she hesitated before she could say too much, “dragged him off somewhere.”

“Oh?” Naraku raised his eyebrows. “Must have been important for him to abandon you. I don't suppose it has anything to do with me?” He smiled knowingly.

Kagome mirrored his smile. “Hope you like surprises.”

Naraku ran a hand through his hair and shook his head. “Guess I probably don't have a lot of time, then. You know Kouga is having his big concert two nights from now, right?”

Kagome nodded. It was all anyone seemed to talk about recently. Besides being the Gold Prince as well as the head of entertainment, Kouga was also the quintessential rock star of the city. His concerts were counted among the biggest events of the year. Kagome had yet to experience one for herself, but she'd been lucky enough that the first concert since her arrival in Alduray happened to fall on one of her nights off. Sango had mentioned something in passing about them going together, but they hadn't made any real plans yet.

“I wanted to ask you...” Naraku focused his eyes on her intently, “if you would join me on my terrace that night, as my guest.” His gaze was piercing, and she felt her breath catch, every word she might have answered with instantly scattered in her mind.

He leaned in toward her, as if to say something that only the two of them would be able to hear, even though there was no one else close enough to overhear their conversation. “That is, if you think you can get away for one night.” He grinned shrewdly.

“I...do have the night off,” the words fell out of her mouth before she could think of anything else to say.

Suddenly, her eyes filled with blinding white light, and Kagome flinched, raising a hand to block the painful glare. Squinting as she looked out from behind her hand, she found the rest of the room still in darkness. A bright pillar of light, cutting through the darkness from somewhere high above the other side of the room, had focused directly on the spot where the two of them stood, Naraku still leaning down close to her.

“There he is!” an amplified voice exclaimed through the darkness. It was Kouga. “Let's hear it for the birthday boy!”

Kagome felt her face flush with embarrassment as the crowd erupted in cheers. Naraku didn't miss a beat, raising his hand and waving in response.

“Come get your present, even though you don't deserve it,” Kouga teased, and the crowd laughed. The overhead lights brightened enough to illuminate the side of the room he was being beckoned to, and Kagome froze as she saw the hundreds of faces turned expectantly toward the two of them.

Instead of leaving her side, Naraku looked down at her once again, his eyes now burning red in the harsh light. “So. Will you join me for the concert?” he asked, looking as if he were enjoying the suddenly awkward situation.

Kagome blinked up at him, once again struggling to collect her scattered wits.

Evidently taking her silence for indecision, he leaned even closer. “I'm not going over there until I get an answer,” he said quietly, his lips turned up into that unbelievably charming smile. As the spotlight continued to blaze down on them, she was painfully aware of the curious silence that had settled over the crowd, everyone waiting for Naraku to respond to the sudden fanfare.

“Alright,” she said, her voice coming out as a strained whisper.

His smile was brilliant as he nodded. “I'll be expecting you, then.” He turned back to the crowd and began moving to the other side of the room, the spotlight following him. As soon as she was once again back in the shadows, Kagome had to lean back against the glass of the window, still overwhelmed, trying to keep her legs from collapsing beneath her. She took a few deep breaths and watched as Naraku walked to the corner of the observatory he'd been called to, where the King, Kouga and Inuyasha stood waiting with a big box wrapped in brightly colored paper.

But Kagome didn't see what was inside the box. She didn't think Inuyasha did either. He wasn't looking when Naraku ripped it open. His eyes were turned out over the heads of the crowd, focused on a point far across the room. It was the place where he had left Kagome standing only a few minutes earlier, and the same place she stood now, staring through the darkness back at him, trying to decipher the strange, wide-eyed expression that had settled on his face.

Continued in Chapter 13 - Reason for a Revolution

A/N: So, I know some of you will be upset that the naughtiness wasn't exactly what you were hoping for, but I swear that scene was absolutely necessary to the storyline. This chapter ended up being way longer than I had intended, but I really wanted to put the whole thing into one release. I considered chopping it in half, but couldn't find a good mid-point to break it. Hopefully, in the interest of timely updates, I'll be able to keep future chapters a bit shorter.

Please let me know what you think of chapter 12! It would absolutely make my day!

Big huge thanks to JMaxwell and Caitriona for the nominations!

And as always, thanks to my reviewers as well! I got some really wonderful comments this time around, and I just want to let you all know how much I appreciate each and every one of them! And I promise, Jazzy, I won't abandon the story before it's done ;) How could I when I have people who enjoy it so much?

By the way, thanks for the offer, Midoriko. I may just take you up on that!

Influential music for this chapter

Via Dolorosa - Abingdon Boys School, from self-titled album (continued from chapter 11)

Always on Your Side (album ver.) - Sheryl Crow, Wildflower

Destiny - Zero 7 feat. Sia Furler and Sophie Barker, Simple Things