InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Back to Where I belong ❯ Letting go Of a Dream ( Chapter 1 )

It's been 2 years since she last saw Inuyasha. Two years since she last saw the feudal Japan. She's engaged to Hojo. But it's Inuyasha she dreams about and her friends from the past that she aches to see again. Will Kagome have her happy ending in life, and who will she find happiness with?

I changed this chapter a bit. Basically the same but it's a little longer and goes into a bit more detail.

A/N: I don't own Inu. It's a dream, but not reality sadly. ïŒ

Inuyasha was on hovering over me, and we weren't wearing anything. I had no idea how we had gotten here, but I really didn't care. It was late at night and we were in the middle of the forest. The only sounds around us were the wind through the trees. Inuyasha was worshiping my body, and it felt like heaven. Nothing I had ever felt before.

He rained kisses down my body and then back up again, letting the tension build inside me until I demanded more of my lover to be.

“I love you,” Inuyasha admitted, looking into my eyes with more emotion dancing in them then I had ever seen.

I felt my tears water up, “Oh, Inuyasha I love you more,” I sobbed and hugged him closer to me.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked hovering above me looking at me with a look of anxiousness and worry swimming through his golden eyes.

He looked relieved and more joyful then I had ever seen him look before, but there was another emotion in there. I wasn't sure what it was, but it looked like lust. And maybe love? I wasn't sure but with Inuyasha touching me like I was I found that I really couldn't concentrate on much of anything at the moment. Inuyasha seemed to want to prolong the moment for as long as he could, and at the same time he seemed desperate in his actions, like he was worried that I would leave him.

Finally, after countless pleasurable torture on my body he finally pushed into me. He stilled and apologized repeatedly about how sorry he was that it had to be like this, but I just reassured him over and over that it was nothing that he had any control over.

There was a lot of pain at first, but it didn't last long. Inuyasha was radiating with tension but he didn't move, when the pain passed I encouraged him on, and before I knew it I wasn't feeling pain, but a great amount of pleasure. Inuyasha was moving inside me and I was shocked at the things that were building inside me. When I encouraged Inuyasha to move faster he had no problem complying with my wishes and when I finally felt my pleasure reach its climax he was right behind me.

After it was all over I felt like I could barely keep my eyes open, and just as I was about to drift off Inuyasha put his mouth to my ear. “Your mine now,” he whispered right before he passed out with me in his arms.

 

*****

I woke up with a start in, on my couch, in the arms of another man. After a dream like that, I was hot and bothered, and more disturbed then I ever remembered being. It was sick of me to have a dream like that about Inuyasha when I was going to marry Hojo soon. But I couldn't stop the dreams from coming anymore then I could stop another day from passing. I hadn't seen Inuyasha in two years and I missed him more them life itself. Those dreams make me feel close to him.

I smirked to myself at the thought. Yeah they made me feel close to Inuyasha all right. Really close…. Gods, how I wished I could forget about him.

“Kagome are you okay?” my couch companion asked from behind me.

It was a really good thing that it was dark because I was blushing. I couldn't necessarily tell him that I was horny from a dream I had. Even if the dream had been about Hojo, he still wouldn't have known how to handle that kind of information. I had a feeling that when we got married, we would be the kind of couple that always made love in the dark, in the bed, under the covers.

“Yeah, Hojo everything is fine,” I assured him, consumed with guilt.

Hojo tightened his arms around me and I almost pushed him because I was so uncomfortable. I was supposed to be marrying Hojo, and yet he wasn't the one I dreamt of at night. I didn't even lust after him when I was awake. I knew that I should feel something for him, but I couldn't do it. Sometimes, it bothered me, but most of the time I didn't feel anything.

“I guess we fell asleep.”

`Yeah,” I responded faintly.

“Your mother isn't going to be mad about this is she?”

I squirmed in his arms, “Do you want to get up?”

I agreed and Hojo let me up. Hojo awkwardly stood there and I stayed sitting on the couch. I could tell that he was worried that was had done something wrong, and I tried to assured him that no one would be upset about this, but I knew that he still felt as if we had done something inappropriate. I knew that no matter what I told him it still wouldn't change anything so I let it go. Hojo was Hojo and I had to understand that. I was hopeful that one day I would understand Hojo.

My fiancé grabbed his coat. “I'd better get going,” my fiancé said walking to the front door.

I walked behind him and looked out the window at the shrine steps. At one time this had been home and I had been happy here, but lately I felt that if I didn't change something about my life soon I was going to lose my mind. While, before I had met Inuyasha my life had seemed to have meaning, now that I knew what his life could be like I couldn't stop wishing that there was something like that here.

“Kagome, are you sure you're okay?”

I turned to him, “Of course. Why wouldn't I be?” I said with an empty smile plastered on my face.

He let it go like I let things go with him. “I'll be seeing you Monday then?”

“Have I missed a date in two years?”

“Nope!” Hojo said happily, taking me in his arms and kissing my lightly on the lips.

Hojo let go and was about to walk out the door when I called him back. Before I thought too much about what I was going to do I grabbed him around the waist and brought him to me. When there was barely any room left in between us I kissed him hard on the lips hoping that I would get some kind of reaction from him. His lips were warm on mine but his body remained stiff and he didn't seem to want to be there at the moment so I let him go. I was left disappointed and worried.

“What?” I said trying not to let irritation show on my face.

“That was nice,” Hojo didn't seem to know what to say.

He looked at me, worried again. “We really shouldn't do that when your mother's around. What would she think if she saw us kissing like that, right by the door?”

That we were in love and we couldn't keep our arms off each other, I though dourly as I stood there and sulked.

Boy, were going to have some hot sex life. It seemed like the more time went on the more Hojo was becoming a… prude. I was trying not to let it get to me, but he worried way too much about what my mother and grandpa were going to think. I was worried that we didn't have enough passion and I didn't know whether that was true or it was just that Hojo was holding back.

I gave him a weak smile, and before I knew it he was out the door and racing down the steps to his car.

Frustrated and angry I went into the kitchen and did what I always did when I got upset. I cooked. I took out what I needed to make chocolate chip cookies and avoided thinking about my future with Hojo.

Before I knew it, I everything ready to go in the oven and was setting the timer. I sat down at the table with a coup of Ramen that I didn't remember making in the first place and waited.

“I'm losing my mind,” I said to the empty kitchen as I finally went to take a bite.

I almost screamed when I got a, “No your not.” in response.

“Mom,” I breathed when I turned and saw it was her in the door way.

“Did Hojo leave?”

I grimaced at the thought of him,” Yes.”

“Does the he know that we're not mad at him?” she said as she came and sat across from me.

“I told him, but you know Hojo,” I said as I attacked my food, upset again.

Mrs. Higurashi laughed, “Yes, I do know.”

“Such a boring boy,” my mother stated.

“Mother!”

My mother raised an eyebrow and looked amused. “What, dear? It's true.”

“You know, your father and I had known one another since birth and only started getting along until right after I graduated.”

I came out of my stupor for that and looked at my mother in shock.

“But-” I breathed.

Mama chuckled, “Yes, I know. I'm well aware that I married when I was still attending school. Trust me your father and I were not the happiest couple that year. We fought more then we were civil to one another.”

I was confused at this.“But I was born a couple months after you graduated,” I informed her.

“Honey, I said we didn't get along. That didn't mean that we didn't-”

It was timed like this when I wished that we weren't so close. Learning about my parent's sex life wasn't something that I ever wanted to learn about. I knew how I came into the world. I didn't need to know the details.

“Mother, please don't finish that sentence,” I pleaded, cutting her off.

“We married because it was a tradition in both are families to marry at a young age and our parents just thought that marrying us off with each other would be a good idea since out families were so close and we had know each other so long.”

Interested now, I forgot my food and looked at my mother with interest, but wasn't able to finish listening since my buzzer went off, telling me that my first batch was ready. I went to get the batch out of the over and put the second batch when my mother went on with her story.

She relaxed more and went on with the story, “I guess that we started really falling in love with each other after we had you. While other couples drift apart, because of parenthood, we just got closer. I think that second year of marriage was one of the happiest ones of out lives,” my mother said with great emotion and love in her eyes.

“What does this have to do with me mom?” I asked confused as I sat down again.

My mother smiled her I'm-older-and-wiser-the-you smile, “Honey you don't love Hojo.”

I got panicked, but I tried not to show it. “Yes I do,” I lied.

My mother scoffed. “Yes, maybe you do.”

There was nothing to worry about.” See,” I was more confident now.

“You love him as a brother.” my mother stated.

I was shocked, “How can you say that?!”

“Don't get mad at me just because I speak the truth.”

I opened my mouth, but my protest got stuck, “Even when your father and I weren't getting along there was passion there. We felt things when we were together. I loved your dad and he loved me since we were kids. We just didn't know it,” mama said with a fond smile.

“Kagome, I see it when you're with Hojo. You don't feel anything when you're with him. I'm your mother. You can't get married to someone you feel nothing for,” my mother informed me.

“Why not?!” I challenged, forgetting my pretence, getting up and walking around the room and checking my cookies even though I knew they had five more minutes.

“He loves me.” I said with conviction.

“Yes, he does. But he can fall in love again. I believe that true love had to be two sided before it's real. You have to be happy too you know.”

I denied it and my mother gave me a look again. I went back to staring at the cookies that were cooking. I had been ignoring a lot of truths for a long time now and I didn't see the point of bringing anything up. If I could have shut my mother up I would have.

“Kagome, you don't want to get married.”

“Yes, I do,” I stated firmly.

“No you don't.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“No ,” I admitted finally.

I was glad when the cookies were finally done and I could focus on that instead of the conversation.

“Now on to Inuyasha,” my mother said.

Since that had been the last thing I had thought that would come into the conversation, I almost lost the pan of cookies that I was holding. “Where did he come in the conversation?” I asked hurriedly putting baked good on counter so I didn't drop them.

“Well, you love him,” she said as of she were saying the sky was blue.

“Can't you let me deal with one major problem at a time?” I was exasperated. I only needed one shocker at a time.

“No. I'm your mother. I will push until I see you happy.”

I smiled sadly to myself at the thought. If I were to be truly happy my mother wouldn't be around to see it.

“Yeah, I do love him,” I finally admitted. ”Your point is?”

“Go after him.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

I looked at her as if she had three heads, “Mother do you know the chances of me being able to come back? Not to mention that Inuyasha would have a fit.”

“And isn't that a good thing?” my mother asked.

“Mom,” I said hurt, “I would never see you again. I would never see Souta or grandpa-”

My mother sighed and looked at the table,” It's not worth it to be here if you're so unhappy,” she said softly.

I couldn't deny that so I didn't say anything.

After the jewel was completed we had all been ecstatic to discover that the well still worked, and I was able to travel. But it soon became apparent that the magic that was keeping the well open was weakening each time me or Inuyasha passed through. With the power of the well dwindling and I had noticed that after traveling I was becoming weak. None of us could understand why I would get so tired after I passed through the well.

We soon found out that with the wells powers weakening my powers were helping me get through times. As time passed and the well got weaker it started using me more and more. I was being drained and we realized that either that three things would happen if I kept moving between worlds.

One was that I would be stuck in between times and I would be eternally lost in another time I didn't know or lost in complete nothingness. Two, was that I would get stuck in one world and not be able to get back to the other. Or last would be that traveling like I was would slowly kill me and I would die.

Since, none of those worked for anyone, it was decided that I would have to choose were I wanted to stay. It was one of the hardest choices that I had ever had to make, but I decided that I would stay with my family. In the time I was born in and knew best. What I wouldn't admit to anyone, most of the time not even myself, was that if Inuyasha had given one hint that he had feelings for me… Well, I wouldn't go there. It was one of the hardest choices that any of us ever had to make.

In all of the time I had been thinking about all of this though, it had never crossed my mind that I might actually not be happy in the time that I was born in. I had thought that if Inuyasha didn't care for me then I would stay with my family because they would make me happiest. I hadn't actually thought that I might not belong in my own world any longer. It had never crossed my mind that it would hurt this much to say away.

“Are you going to go, and be happy or not?” my mother finally asked me with conviction ringing in her voice.

I knew it had to hurt her to push me like this, but that just showed you how much my mother love me. She just wanted to see me happy.

“What if he doesn't want me?” I challenged finally succumbing to tears

“He will,” my mother stated my mother stated with assurance that I didn't have.

I thought about it for second and made up my mind, “Then I guess these next few days are ones of goodbyes,” I said with a sad smile.

My mother went to me and I fell into her arms and cried. I knew this was what I needed to do if I wanted to live out a real life, but would I kill myself trying to get back home?

A/N: One of the longest chapter I've ever wrote. I have hope for this one.