InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Coda ❯ Coda ( Chapter 2 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
Want to see the ultimate author’s notes for this piece? Visit me at LJ! Explanations, clarifications, spoilers available!

Disclaimer: The
Inuyasha concept, storyline, and characters are copyright Rumiko Takahashi and Viz Media

“You Could Be Happy” © 2006 Snow Patrol



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You could be happy and I won’t know
.

It was only flashes of memory; when she looked back on that moment, the moment her life forever changed, she could never completely remember what happened. There was darkness, all-consuming darkness, followed by blinding light. There was her fervent wish to see him once again, and suddenly he was in her arms, hurtling through time and space.

But something was wrong – terribly, terribly wrong.

.
But you weren’t happy the day I watched you go
.

“Mama!” she wailed, launching herself into her mother’s relieved embrace. She clung to her like an anchor, emotions welling up, spilling over, raging far beyond her control. She cried as she had never cried before, grief and sadness, relief and happiness, everything intertwined into an overwhelming mass.

“Kagome, we were so worried,” her mother whispered as she stroked her hair softly, lovingly. “When the well disappeared…and you had never returned…” She choked on her words.

“Mama!” That was all she could sob.

Thoughts raced through her mind. Inuyasha – could he really be – ?

No. He brought me back here. He protected me.

She raised her head from her mother’s shoulder, glancing at the well.

Its blue magic yawned open, engulfing him, pulling him beyond her reach.

“Inuyasha!” she screamed, falling where she stood, her mother’s arms still tight around her. “No!”

.
It’s played in loops till its madness in my head
.

To sleep, perchance to dream.

She had crawled into her bed that night and curled up into a ball. Her tears had not yet stopped, but her mind was blissfully blank. She could escape into sleep; leave behind the exhaustion and confusion that had filled her, since that horrible moment of return.

She slept for days.

Her trauma was obvious to them all.

Her mother quietly worried, her grandfather secretly wondered. What had happened to her during that missing period?

.
Is it too late to remind you how we were
.

In her dreams…

…she saw them again, and she was so happy.

It was as if nothing had changed, as if it was another normal trip down the well. Miroku and Sango, Shippo and Kirara were all there, greeting her with smiles and hugs. Miroku’s welcoming embrace was somewhat inappropriate, and he received the deserved slap in response from Sango. Shippo begged her for candy, and she had to dig into the depths of her bag to find it for him.

Always happy to see her friends, and yet something tugged at her heart. She had no words for it, but something was missing from this joyous scene…

…something…

…or someone.

Inuyasha.

Her heart seized in her chest as the memory returned.

.
Not our last days of silent, screaming blur
.

The dream became a nightmare.

She was trapped in a void. A huge, black, bottomless void. The only sound she could hear was her heart thumping in her chest, her breath rasping in her lungs.

How long had she been here? There was no way of knowing. The smiling faces of her friends faded into a distant memory. All that was before her now was darkness and despair.

“Make a wish,” the voice commanded her. “Wish upon this Shikon no Tama!”

No. She felt the word blooming in her heart. No, I will never wish upon you! It’s a trap! She closed her eyes and clenched her teeth.

She had to be strong, if she wanted to survive this.

If she wanted to see Inuyasha again.

“Choose your wish, little girl!” the voice commanded. It rang in her ears, pulsing through her head in dangerous waves.

She hated being called ‘little girl’. It was so degrading, so humiliating. As if everything she had experienced in the last year hadn’t changed her, forced her to grow up and contemplate serious notions: of life, of death, of love, of hate.

She pressed her lips in a firm line and remained silent.

“You choose this darkness and despair for all eternity?”

The question caught her off-guard. She couldn’t reply, simply dumbstruck at the about-face.

“If you make no wish, you will remain here for eternity. You will never see your family or your friends again.” Laughter punctuated the statement, the jewel finding great glee in her predicament.

No, she told herself. It’s a lie, it’s all lies! Her lips trembled, but still she said nothing.

The laughter continued as she held firm her position. For as long as she lived, she would never forget the horrible sound of it, thrumming through her very soul at her darkest, weakest moment.

Tears pierced the backs of her eyes. Inuyasha, she thought, hopelessness overwhelming her. I want to be with you.

The world was silent for one eerie, solitary moment, and then…

…and then…

…she burst from the darkness with terrifying speed, thrust upward as if being expelled from a volcano. Something slammed into her body, only accelerating her momentum.

“Inuyasha!” she cried, her arms sweeping over him. She squeezed her eyes shut as she held him, clinging to him as if there was no tomorrow. Relief washed over her, and silently, she wondered: Could the jewel really have granted my wish?

Could I have been wrong all along?

“Inuyasha,” she said, opening her eyes and glancing down, where his head rested on her shoulder. “I can’t believe…”

Her words trailed off as she saw it.

The trickle of blood at the corner of his mouth.

The glassy stare of his eyes.

The absolute stillness of his limbs.

“NO!” She awoke with a start, bolting upright, her breath heavy, her stomach churning. She stared into the dim light of her room as the sun faded below the horizon.

Still, the images were clear in her mind.

“No!” she shouted again, hitting her temples with the heels of her hands. Tears poured down her face. Her head felt like it was going to split open. Her eyes ached from crying.

Faintly, she heard the rush of the door opening, felt the light weight of her mother’s arms settling around her shoulders. She ceased her movements, curling her fingers into her hair and letting her head sink to her knees.

.
You could be happy – I hope you are
.

Days turned into weeks.

Weeks turned into months.

The nightmare was recurring.

No matter what she did, she couldn’t escape it. Every night when she laid her head upon her pillow, she knew she would have those visions again.

It consumed her.

She missed the first term of high school. Thankfully, her grandfather had the foresight to obtain a medical excuse for her…mononucleosis, she believed. Whatever it was, it didn’t matter.

What mattered was figuring out the truth of what had happened to her, and to Inuyasha. It was the only way she would ever be able to move beyond this point, to gain comfort or closure.

One day – she didn’t know when, or how long it had been since her return – she found herself in the depths of one of the store rooms on the shrine grounds, digging through ancient scrolls. She was convinced that the story of their quest would be there, in some form or fashion.

She looked at everything, going over it with a fine-toothed comb.

Nothing.

Frustrated tears welled up behind her eyes as she sat there, in the piles of dust and rotting papers.

“How could it be,” she muttered, pushing the papers aside, “that our quest wasn’t recorded? We visited so many villages, helped so many people…”

How could it be, that what had consumed over a year of her life was not important enough to be remembered?

She kicked a pebble across the courtyard as she emerged from the store room, her shoulders slumped. She watched as the stone landed at the base of Goshinboku, and felt her eyes being drawn up its trunk.

They landed on the bare spot of the tree, where Inuyasha had spent fifty years pinned to its surface.

She approached it, climbing over the small fence that enclosed it, her eyes focused on that spot.

Slowly, reverently, she laid her hand there, her touch as whisper-soft as the day she first met him.

“Why did you die, Inuyasha?” she asked in a hushed whisper. “Why did you leave me?”

.
For the tiniest moment it’s all not true
.

She looked everywhere for an answer to her query. She searched the grounds of their shrine, looking in every nook and cranny for a forgotten scrap of paper or clue. She spent hours at the library, reading dry, dusty tomes of Japanese history and mythology, searching for a reference to her or him or their epic quest.

Each time, she came away empty-handed. History, it appeared, had passed her by, offering her no explanations for the strange turn of events that marred her life.

The only thing that was different was her dream. After months of daily recurrence, she was no longer afraid of it, of the darkness and despair of the void, of seeing Inuyasha’s lifeless body at the end. In some strange way, she began to look forward to having it.

If this dream was the only way she could be with him…

…she would gladly suffer for the rest of her days.

.
Most of what I remember makes me sure
.

She was trapped in a void. A huge, black, bottomless void.

“Make a wish,” the voice commanded her. “Wish upon this Shikon no Tama!”

Thoughts raced through her mind. She knew what was going to happen, but was powerless to stop this endless loop of events. She felt her body coil, her eyes shut, her teeth clench. Determination held force over her emotions as she struggled to keep her mouth closed, her thoughts silent.

“If you make no wish, you will be here for eternity. You will never see your family or your friends again.”

Tears pierced the backs of her eyes. Inuyasha, she thought, hopelessness overwhelming her. I want to be with you.

The world was silent for one eerie, solitary moment, and then…

…and then…

…she held him again, relief flooding through her as she spread her arms across his back. They were hurtling upward through time and space, and she knew she wouldn’t have much time.

The dream was almost over.

“Why, Inuyasha?” she asked, brushing her fingers through his hair.

Surprise coursed through her veins as she felt a rumble of laughter in his chest. She looked down, shocked to see him looking back at her, a small smile creasing his lips.

“I’d do anything for you,” he replied.

She couldn’t breathe.

She could only stare at him in utter disbelief.

She felt his hand caress the back of her neck, his claws twining through her hair. “Do all the things that you always wanted to,” he whispered.

“Inuyasha,” she choked out. “I want to be with you.” She brought him close, pressing her head to his chest.

There was no heartbeat.

His fingers moved softly across her jaw, lifting her chin, their eyes meeting. “Without me there to hold you back, don’t think, just do.”

Tears crept from the corners of her eyes as she looked at him, as calm and peaceful as he had ever been.

The pads of his thumbs brushed her tears away, and he smiled at her again, light crowning his silver hair as they reached the summit, the end.

“More than anything I want to see you, girl, take a glorious bite out of the whole world.”