InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Fleeting ❯ Confrontation ( Chapter 14 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

un_love_you prompt:  #20 – “I hate you, you bitch.”

Sesshoumaru was at the end of his rope.

It had been truly been the day from hell – a nightmare midterm in his class, followed by a long, painful meeting with his thesis advisor.  He’d missed lunch, which hadn’t helped his mood, and he’d just spent the last hour and a half biting his tongue against a flood of criticism on a project that he’d thought was close to being over.  The closer he crept towards the finish line, however, the pickier his advisor became – over details, over phrasing, over word choice, over reference style.

That man can’t see the forest for the trees, he thought savagely, pushing through the front door of his apartment and slamming it back into place.  He kept walking, straight into the kitchen, straight to the refrigerator for the leftover Thai food from the night before.  He managed to calm himself enough to scoop it into a clean bowl and reheat it, watching the turntable in the microwave as it hummed away.  All he wanted to do now was eat, crash, regroup in peace by himself, and perhaps seek a bit of solace in his girlfriend’s arms.

Kagome…

An eerie feeling of dread settled over him as he pulled his food from the microwave, ready with a pair of chopsticks to eat it, right there at the counter.  He hadn’t seen her since that morning, when he’d quite reluctantly left her to sleep, looking so peaceful and happy…

…he could only hope that she’d forgive him and try to understand.

Trepidation continued to swirl through him as he rinsed his dishes and set off for his bedroom, tightening the grip on his bag when he realized that his door was ajar.

Shit, Sesshoumaru thought, coming to an abrupt halt just outside of his room.  He could feel his anger and frustration resurfacing as he stared at his door.  This is the last damn thing I need right now.

He’d been figuratively poked and prodded all damn day; was it too much to ask that his personal space not be invaded as well?

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he growled darkly, shoving his door open and barreling into the room.  He couldn’t stop himself, or temper his reaction – this final violation of privacy was enough to drive him over the edge of reason.

“I could ask you the same thing,” Kagome returned, swiveling around in his desk chair to face him.  Her words were as cold as her gaze was heated, burning with the fiery rage of betrayal and distress.

The pure anger radiating from her brought him up short; that feeling of dread exploded into a full-fledged wave of horror and realization as she held up the stack of internship applications he was to turn in with the final version of his master’s thesis.

“How dare you,” he accused lowly, dropping his bag to the floor and advancing towards her.  “How dare you go through my things?!”

She shot up from her seat.  “How dare I?” she returned sharply, incredulously.  “How dare you!  How could you keep this from me?!”

She held her ground, her stance absolutely rigid, save a fine shimmer of rage.  She glared at him with such a force that it stopped him in his tracks, his stomach taking a sickening turn, his world beginning to tilt on its axis.  The wrath in her eyes matched the fury that burned through him, tinged with the slightest hint of fear.

You knew this was going to happen, he reminded himself as they stared each other down, the tension in the room ratcheting higher and higher by the second.  You knew the moment you gave in to your feelings and kept this from her that it was going to come back and blow up in your face.

Not that he found such hindsight particularly comforting at the moment.

Kagome took a deep breath in a vain attempt to control herself.  “When were you going to tell me?” she burst out, her tone biting and sarcastic as she waved the offending papers in his face.  “After you fucked me?  Oh, that’s right, you’d have to fuck me first!”

Sesshoumaru winced at the crudeness of the remark, but was determined not to dignify it with an answer.  Instead, he gazed back at her steadily, schooling his features into his calm, impassive mask even as his mind worked overtime to regroup, to think his way through this – and out of it.

How much did she know?  What – or who – was the source of her information?  How had she known where to look?

In the end, could any of this be salvaged?

That question was like ice in his veins.

She began to shake as the strained silence stretched between them.  Her hands curled into fists at her sides and she whirled around, slamming them down on the desk with savage force.  “Goddammit, Sesshoumaru!” she cried.  “Why?  Why did you keep this from me?”  She heaved a jagged, shaky breath before glaring at him over her shoulder.  “Can’t you at least tell me that much?”

He exhaled slowly, willing himself to stay in control, measuring his words very carefully before responding.  “I had my reasons.”

“And those would be?”  She stood tall again, crossing her arms over her chest as she half-turned, standing in profile to him.

Because I want you.

Because I didn’t want to hurt you.

Because I don’t want to lose you.

The words lodged in his throat, choking him, and he closed his eyes against the weight of accusation in her gaze.

When it became clear that he wasn’t – or couldn’t – reply, she spoke again.  “Is this the only reason you’re with me?” she demanded to know.  “Are you dating me so that I’ll grant you a job in my family’s company?  Do you truly think so little of me?”  He felt the heat of her glare even behind his eyelids.  “Or are you really such a cold, heartless bastard?”

His chest constricted, adrenaline coursing through his body as his natural, defensive desire to fight flared up.  He opened his eyes and opened his mouth, but apparently not fast enough for her liking.  She bolted across the room, shoving him hard, her lips twisted into a frustrated sneer, her eyes flashing with seething, unbridled rage.

“Answer me, dammit!” she cried, pushing him again, her hands balling into fists against his chest.  Her tone was losing its cool sarcasm, quickly rising along the edge of hysteria.  “Why can’t you just want me, like I want you?”

He seized her shoulders before she could attack again, holding her close enough to rest his forehead against hers.  “What makes you think I don’t?” he asked gently, almost desperately, wondering if she was past the point of mere words.  His heart was pumping furiously in his chest, climbing up the back of his throat, threatening to bring along with it the contents of his stomach.

She pushed away, the pain in her eyes slicing straight through him.  “Actions speak louder than words, Sesshoumaru,” she whispered mournfully, grasping his wrists and prying his hands from her body.

He swallowed hard.  How did it come to this? he asked himself, hating the way she could turn his indignation against him and make him feel weak and helpless.  When – how – did it spin out of my control?  

“What am I supposed to think when you spend the night in my bed and then leave without a word the next morning?” she asked, drawing his attention once more.  

He turned to face her, taking in the sight of her, arms crossed defensively over her chest.  

“What am I supposed to think when you won’t allow me to get close to you, physically or emotionally?” she barreled on.  “What am I supposed to think when you lie to me?”

“I have never lied to you, Kagome,” he interrupted fiercely, his mind swimming in the sea of her words – accusations, allegations, assumptions.  It was as if his inner self was trying to split in two, his mind systematically shutting down while his body, led by pride, grappled desperately for the fight.  “You don’t know the whole story.”

She just stared at him, mouth agape, whatever assertion she had yet to hurl at him forever lost.  He watched her warily, his blood roaring in his ears, a new surge of dread railroading him when he saw her next thoughts click together.

“Don’t tell me it’s true,” she gasped, backing away from him.  “Don’t tell me you’re only doing this under your father’s order!”

He scowled.  “Of course not,” he spat.  “My reasons for wanting this job are my own.”  When this seemed to placate her just a bit, he forged on.  “Who would ever tell you such a thing?”

“Does it matter?” she replied, unfurling her arms as she shrugged her shoulders helplessly.  She stared at him imploringly.  “What matters is that you kept this from me, even though you knew it would affect me and our relationship – and what you still haven’t told me is why.  Don’t I at least deserve that?”

“Do you really think I’m just some pretty plaything, that I’m not mature enough to handle being in a relationship with you?” she pressed on.  “Do you think that I’m some vapid airhead whose attentions can be won with hollow words and empty promises?  I really care about you, Sesshoumaru, and I’ve given myself to you in every way I know how – yet you’re still holding back.  So, please,” she huffed, crossing her arms once more, “enlighten me – just what the hell else am I supposed to think is going on here?”

He stood silent throughout her rambling accusations, fighting to keep himself together, resentment prickling over his nerves at his own reaction to her heated contentions.  She had every right to lay into him like this; he’d been half-expecting, half-dreading this day for over two months, after all.  Her words, her tone, her stance were commanding even in her abject misery and frustration; if he was a lesser man, he’d already be on his knees, apologizing profusely and begging for forgiveness.

And yet…

He couldn’t help but feel rather hurt and angry himself.  How could she so readily take Inuyasha’s word over his?  How could she fall for his tired bullshit, so easily buying whatever slanderous lies he’d planted in her head?  How could she not see that all he wanted to do, the goal he’d been working towards this whole, was to tear them apart, by whatever means necessary?

Oh, he had no doubt it was Inuyasha who had told her of this, just like he had no doubt where his vile half-brother would even get such a notion.

It always comes back to you, Father.

“I have no interest in your family’s company,” he informed her tersely.  “I’m not a pawn, pinned under my father’s thumb, feebly following orders – and quite frankly, I resent the implication.”

She eyed him doubtfully, her skepticism writ large across her face.  “Then why don’t you just do your internship at Taisho Enterprises?”

“The job I’m interested in isn’t available there,” he replied.

“And what’s that?” she wanted to know, raising an eyebrow, closing the brace of her arms.

He hesitated before responding, realizing how it would sound.  “Merger negotiation.”

She snorted.  “And you say you’re not interested in my family’s company!”

“The world doesn’t revolve around you,” he shot back, his patience growing rapidly thin.  “If you must know, I need this job because I’m being forced to fashion a hostile takeover of what was supposed to be my inheritance.”  No thanks to your precious Inuyasha, he added silently.

Her eyes fell to the floor.  “So I truly am a pawn,” she breathed softly, disbelievingly.  “I don’t believe this – I can’t believe this!”

He resisted the urge to grab her shoulders and shake her senseless.  “And I can’t believe you’d trust Inuyasha instead of me,” he replied heatedly, unable to hide the disgust in his tone.

“Why not?”  She lifted her eyes accusingly to his.  “He’s never given me a reason to doubt him, whereas you seem bound and determined to keep me locked out of as much of your life as possible!”

It’s all lies! he wanted to scream, feeling the words rise like bile in the back of his throat, but he clamped his mouth shut against them.  He could feel his blood pressure mounting, his breathing growing heavier, his rage and annoyance and shame threatening to take over the core of his being.

“I never wanted to hurt you,” he told her, striving to keep his tone calm and even.  “No matter what that son of a bitch tells you, it was never my intention for you to get caught in the middle of all this.”

He watched her closely; the uncertainty that flitted across her features told him she wanted to believe him – but the anger, the hurt, the pain were all still there, crowding out any sympathy she might have felt for his plight.

“What am I to you?” she asked after a long, silent moment, her eyes searching his.

You are…

He reached for her then, wrapping his arms around her and crushing her to him, trying to tell her with actions what he couldn’t convey in words.  He knew it was stupid and desperate – just like he knew this was the end – just like he knew that she didn’t believe him, and wouldn’t, without proof.

But damn if he didn’t want it to be like this.  She meant more to him than he ever thought possible, and he didn’t want to lose her.  Not like this.

His heart sank as she resisted his embrace.  She didn’t trust him, and without trust...

“If I asked you not to apply for the job,” she said softly, her words muffled against his chest, “…would you still do it?”

He let her go, taking a step back as he leveled his gaze at hers.

“Yes.”

It hurt him to admit as much, considering how upset he was at the thought of losing her, but at the same time, he wasn’t ready to give up everything he’d worked so long and hard for.  There was no looking back now – this was his plan.  

This was his life.  

She nodded slowly.  “That’s what I thought,” she murmured quietly.  Her expression crumbled.  “I never wanted Inuyasha to be right...”

That got his back up.   “Believe what you will,” he snapped, “but just know – I’m not the one lying to you.”

She pushed past him.  “I don’t know what to think, or what to believe!” she burst out, throwing up her hands.  “All I know is…”  Her shoulders shook as she turned to face him one last time, tears spilling over her cheeks.  

“I hate you,” she choked out, whirling around and running out of the room, leaving him standing there angry –

– distraught –

– and alone.