InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Paradox: The Power of Letting Go ❯ Memories of Old ( Chapter 4 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Disclaimer: InuYasha is owned by Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan Inc. and Viz Media.

Back to the Future owned by Universal Studios, Amblin Entertainment and U-Drive Productions

Story and all original characters created are owned by me.

Memories of Old

-x-x-x-x-

“Kaz!” Kagome called. When he didn't answer, she frowned and headed towards the Goshinboku.

As she approached the tree, she saw a flash of silver and her heart froze. “InuYasha,”she whispered.

-x-x-x-x-

A body suddenly landed in a crouch in front of her.

“Guess again, darling,” said Kazuki as he looked up at her.

Kagome held her hand against her chest, trying to steady her beating heart. “Kami, Kaz! Don't scare me like that!”

“So… InuYasha, eh? The great inu-hanyou of legend?” Kazuki stood up and shook out his silver hair.

When Kagome didn't answer, he looked questioningly at her. “Uh, Kagome? Hello, earth to Kagome.” He waved his hand in front of her eyes.

“Oh, sorry. It's just… I don't see your hanyou form very often and you surprised me. With your silver hair and gold eyes…” Kagome trailed off.

“I look like lover-boy, eh?” supplied Kaz with a wide grin.

“Kazuki!”

“Ah… I must have hit a sore spot. You never call me Kazuki.”

“Kaz, stop teasing. I mean it.” Kagome narrowed her eyes as Kaz opened his mouth to retort.

Throwing his hands up in surrender, Kaz grinned and jumped back into the tree.

“What are you doing in your hanyou form anyways?” Kagome called up to him.

“It's nice out here. I wanted to smell the scents.” Kazuki's voice floated down from the branches.

“Ah, Kaz, can you come down here, please?”

“Look at the view up here, Kags, it's great!”

“I have seen the view,” Kagome muttered softly under her breath.

Kazuki jumped down again.

“Ah! Stop doing that, Kaz!”

“So, want to see the view again?” Kazuki asked.

Kagome narrowed her eyes suspicously as a thought occurred to her. “How good is your hearing when you're in hanyou form?”

“Err, what do you mean?”

“I mean,” Kagome poked a finger into his chest, “you just heard what I mumbled about the view. What else did you hear? Did you hear anything from the kitchen from here?”

“Ah…”

“Kazuki...”

“Well, if you mean that conversation with your mom… ah…” Kazuki shrugged his shoulders.

“Kaz!”

“Okay, okay, so I heard a bit of it.” At Kagome's glare, he coughed lightly. “Ah… okay, so I heard most of it, but I didn't mean to, honest!” He held up his hands. “I did just want to smell the night air, that's all. I can't help it if my hearing becomes super sharp. You're not exactly quiet, you know.”

Kagome sighed and shook her head in resignation. “So, you heard about InuYasha?”

“Yeah.” Kazuki noticed Kagome's mellow mood and, for once, didn't try to push her buttons. Trying to change the subject, Kazuki gestured towards the branches. “So, do you want to see the view from up there again?”

Kagome looked up wistfully. “Yes, I would…”

Kazuki picked Kagome up before she could change her mind and prepared to leap up. He paused and grinned down at her. “So, you think that I'm `great looking, smart, have a great career, loyal, dedicated, ready to settle down,' huh?”

“Kaz!” Kagome held on tight as they sprang up into the branches.

As soon as Kazuki set Kagome on her feet, she swung around and hit his shoulder.

“Oww, what was that for?” Kazuki grabbed his shoulder mockingly.

“For being a jerk!”

“Yeah, but I'm a lovable jerk.” Kazuki grinned broadly as he sat back against the tree trunk, an arm slung over a bent leg while dangling his other leg over the edge.

“Humph.”

“Ah, come on, Kags. You know I'm only teasing. Have a seat and let's enjoy the view.” He patted the branch in front of him.

Kagome inched her way towards him and gingerly lowered herself down. Swinging her legs she looked around at the night sky. “I forgot how beautiful it was up here.”

“Come up here much?”

“I used to,” Kagome hesitated. “InuYasha used to bring me up here.”

“So, about this InuYasha — that story we heard today — it was true, wasn't it?”

Kagome bit her lip and nodded. “Yes, though I'm not sure how that interpreter knew about it, but,” Kagome thought it over, “Mama probably told her.”

“You really traveled back 500 years?” Kazuki asked skeptically.

“I did. Unbelievable, huh?” Kagome grinned at him. “It's all true though. I think I still can go through the well.”

Kazuki nodded. “I thought you had something in your past. I just didn't realize how big of a secret it was. Kagome — time travel extraordinaire. Are you sure the great and powerful miko in the story is you?”

Kagome looked at his raised brow and sly grin and punched his shoulder lightly. “Do you want me to prove it by purifying your ass?”

“Tsk, tsk, such language, Kags, and you so did not learn bad words like that from me — telling your mother such lies.” Kazuki wagged his finger at Kagome and gave an exaggerated sigh.

Kagome giggled. “You don't seem very surprised.”

Kazuki shrugged. “It's a pretty far-fetched story, but I know you, Kags, you don't lie. Besides if you told a human that youkai still existed in this time, they wouldn't believe you either and, well,” Kazuki lifted his hands up, “I'm living proof.”

“Thanks, Kaz,” Kagome replied softly. “I don't have many friends that would believe me on faith alone.”

“Huh, then they're not much of your friends now are they?”

They settled in comfortable silence, each lost in thought.

Kagome closed her eyes and breathed in the night air. Sitting in the Goshinboku, especially with a hanyou at her back, she could pretend for one moment that she was twenty years old again, with everything in front of her: a future, a job, a love… Where did it all go wrong?

A shuffling at her back brought Kagome back from her ponderings. With a sigh, she asked, “Kaz, if you could go back and change something, something you regret, would you?”

“Hypothetically, maybe if I really wanted to, I would, but Kags, you're in a way different boat.” He paused, not sure how to proceed. “I can't change the past, but you can.” There's that whole time continuum dilemma. You go back and change things, and the future we know right now shifts. Remember that movie, Back to the Future? If Marty's parents didn't get together then Marty wouldn't have existed.”

“But how do you know that this present right now is the way it should be?”

Kazuki gave a deep sigh. “Now we're getting into the whole realm of philosophical thinking. We're scientists, Kags, not philosophers.” Kazuki watched Kagome as she stared up at the twinkling night sky. “Are you thinking about it, changing the past, I mean?”

“Would that be wrong?”

He paused, not sure how to get his point across. “Well, yes and no. If someone really wanted to change history bad enough and had the chance, they would probably jump at it. Who wouldn't?”

Kagome smiled wryly. “Why do I hear a `but' in there?”

“But,” he grinned at her, “you'd have to be cautious. You know the saying `be careful what you wish for?' What if you wish for something you think you want, but in reality, it's not what you really want or expect?”

Kagome grabbed her head. “Oh, this is all so confusing! I know what I want —”

“What do you want?”

“I want the best of both worlds. I want InuYasha and my job. Is it wrong to want both?”

“Well… no. In a perfect world, we can have it all, Kags, but being scientists, we know it's not a perfect world, and things don't always go as planned. Saying that, if everyone could go back and change things in their past — have do-overs so to speak, then how screwed up would that be?” He shrugged. “Life is like art. We're given an empty canvas when we're born, and we paint it the way we want. Some have darker canvases with blacks and greys, while others are rich with hues of red and gold. And there are some who use a plethora of colour to paint rainbows. Once the paint dries, it's there to stay. There shouldn't be do-overs, but that doesn't mean we can't get another canvas and make another painting.”

Kagome raised an eyebrow and smiled. “That was pretty deep. Are you sure you're not a philosopher?”

Kazuki snickered. “Maybe at heart.” His face turned somber. “Seriously, Kags, just remember, if you decide to change your painting, the ones who admired the original artwork would be affected as well.” Kazuki stared hard at his friend. “Are you going to go?”

“Go where?”

He rolled his eyes. What the hell were they just talking about? “Go through the well again, to go find your true love.” Kagome couldn't miss the hurt creeping into Kazuki's voice.

“Oh, Kaz...”

Kazuki gave her a soft, sad smile. “It's okay, Kags. Don't worry about it. I always knew my love was unrequited, but you, you my dear, have a chance at finding happiness at last.”

“I'm not sure if I can,” Kagome said softly.

“But you have to try.”

Kagome paused. “Yes… I do.”

Kazuki held out his arms. “Still friends?”

Leaning in, Kagome hugged her friend. “Still friends.” She rested against Kazuki, taking comfort from his support.

Kazuki kissed the top of her head. “Just remember that you have people here and now that care about you. If you decide to change your past and subsequently your future, promise me you'll remember that.”

Kagome swallowed the lump in her throat and hugged him tighter. “Oh, Kaz, what would I ever do without you?”

“Don't worry, darling. I'll always be here for you.”

The pair was so wrapped up in their thoughts that they didn't notice the flash of blue light coming from the well house or the pair of amber eyes staring up at them, hurt and betrayal filling the golden orbs.

-x-x-x-x-

“… what would I ever do without you? Don't worry, darling. I'll always be here for you.”

Yash Takahashi jerked awake and lay in bed, panting heavily as his heartbeat raced. Trying to calm his inner turmoil, he swore as he sat up and swung his legs over the bed. Why the hell did he dream about that? It'd been years since he'd had that nightmare. He shook his head and headed towards the bathroom. Fuck, if he thought about that night again, it would drive him insane.

Turning on the shower, he stripped off his black sweatpants and leaned against the sink. Arms spread out on the countertop, he lowered his head and took a couple of deep breaths. He willed himself not to think about that night. After 500 years you would think that memories would have a way of being distorted and forgotten. But, unlucky for him, that night stayed in his mind, replaying over and over again, never letting him forget. After all, it was the night he lost his true love. Something that time would, unfortunately for him, not erase.

After his fight with Kagome when she picked her job over him, InuYasha was so angry that he had gone back to the Feudal era. A few dozen scattered trees later, he was calm enough to think rationally again. He realized that he was a fool. He had let his pride get in the way and in the heat of the moment he had acted rashly. He meant to go right back to Kagome and apologize. Hell, he would have done more than that, if that stupid worm youkai hadn't shown up and caught him by surprise.

After he dispatched that nasty creature, he was smothered in green youkai guts. Disgusted and sickened by the stench, he took off to the nearest river to wash up.

Before he had a chance to head back, he ran across two peasants being attacked by a scorpion youkai. Brimming with frustration, InuYasha got careless and had gotten stung in the process.

By the time he made it back to the well, he was burning up with fever from the scorpion poison infested in his system. It took Kaede two nights to get the poison out and, even then, it took InuYasha another week to fully recover. By the time he went back through the well Kagome had already moved to Canada, and InuYasha thought that he would die at the pain of losing her.

He went back to the Feudal era and stayed with Miroku and Sango, who had married and started their own personal mission to repopulate the re-built slayer village in which they lived. He was welcomed with open arms and was well respected with Miroku and Sango's large brood. After their deaths, he hung around for a few more generations until the humans in the village became people that he no longer knew.

He then traveled to the Western Lands and lived in the outskirts, occasionally meeting up with his brother, Sesshomaru. While he did not exactly become friends with Sesshomaru, a mutual respect between the two grew over the years. When Sesshomaru married and had children of his own, and InuYasha became an uncle, some of the ice around his heart melted. Having his own kin around — someone to protect and love again — made him swallow his loneliness. By that time the world was changing rapidly. Youkai were becoming creatures of myth as humans took more control of the lands.

Inventions were made to suppress youki and mask their auras. Sesshomaru, in his infinite wisdom, invested in these new technologies. With his stoic business sense, over time, he built an empire that extended far and wide, including research facilities to assist youkai in their ever-changing needs in a man-made world.

500 years later, Sesshomaru was a rich and powerful `man', having taken Takahashi as his last name in the late 1800s when the Meiji Government passed the law that required all its inhabitants to have surnames. Sesshomaru, ever the deep thinker, chose a name with meaning: Takahashi being the stairs that connected the earth and the heavens. It was a fitting name for an inu-youkai lord.

InuYasha naturally followed suit, adopting the same surname, but dropping the `Inu' from his name. After all, it wouldn't do to go around being known as a `dog demon' even though he truly was one.

Thus, Yash Takahashi found himself President of The Takahashi Group. He kept busy working hard for the company, visiting his various nephews and nieces, and dabbling in his own smaller investments. He had a small group of friends, some youkai, some human, but he never really got close to anyone. He opened his heart twice before and that was enough for it to be broken. Yet he had a good life, one that he enjoyed, and the years blended into one another.

Yash sighed as he hopped out of the shower. He shook his head, spraying water everywhere. Great, now the housekeeper will have something else to bitch about, he thought grimly.

Lost in his brooding thoughts, he headed into the bedroom. He pulled out a deep red Ralph Lauren sport shirt and put on a pair of black pleated pants, looping a matching black belt through. After some contemplation he selected a black leather cord and tied his hair back at the nape of his neck. Adjusting the rosary that hung around his neck with one hand, he grabbed his platinum transformation ring with the other. He slipped the ring on his right hand and felt his youki disperse; silver tresses turning black and golden orbs faded to slate grey.

Just as he was leaving the bedroom, the telephone rang.

“Takahashi here,” he answered.

After a few moments of listening to the person at the end of the line, he glanced at the clock and slammed the receiver down. “Son of a bitch!”

He grabbed his black leather jacket and keys and raced out the door. Fuck, Sesshomaru was going to kill him. It was already 9:30, and his secretary had called to remind him of the 10:00 meeting. He had forgotten about the damn meeting, even after Sesshomaru berated and harassed him about it before he left the office on Saturday evening. Sesshomaru had explicitly ordered Yash to read the files to get a handle on the project that they would be discussing. The files he had left sitting on his desk. Shit, shit, shit! Sesshomaru was definitely going to kill him.

It was going to be one of those days, he thought as he slammed on his helmet and revved up his Suzuki Hayabusa motorcycle.

Pealing into the Takahashi parking lot seventeen minutes later, he zoomed past security, swerving to avoid hitting the car he had suddenly cut off. Swearing under his breath, he parked his motorbike in his reserved stall. Not bothering to take his helmet off, he ran into the building.

He crossed the crowed lobby giving the security guards a quick wave as he headed towards the elevators. A hand shot out and grabbed his arm, and he cursed as he turned around to face the perpetrator.

“I'm sorry, but you have to take your helmet off, sir,” the guard said.

Yash swore as he tore his helmet off, “What the hell…”

Another guard quickly appeared. “Please accept our humble apologies, Mr. Takahashi, sir. Adachi here is new. He didn't realize who you were.” He bowed profusely.

The guard who originally held him up paled as he realized his error. “I apologize sir...” he stammered as Yash impatiently waved them off.

He flashed his security card through the scanner and waited impatiently as it scanned his personal information before allowing him to pass through the glass doors. Damn Sesshomaru and his damn security measures. The building was like fucking Fort Knox, Yash thought as he scanned his pass on the elevator's panel and rode up to his office. He was the only one in the elevator, but he knew he was not alone. Two hidden security cameras, one in the panel and one in the upper top corner, watched his every move.

His youki rushed through his body creating a tingling sensation as he sped up the elevator. This was another security measure of his brother's. The area the complex was built on was protected with a special concealment barrier that allowed youkai to walk around freely throughout the various buildings and adjoining grounds. The barrier effectively disabled all transformation charms and stopped any uninvited guests from entering the premises. This was one of the benefits of investing in youkai research — you were a beneficiary of any successful top-notch projects.

However, one had to be careful. Step outside the concealment zone without your transformation charm, and you would be exposed to the whole world. That was why Sesshomaru made it a command that absolutely everyone had to keep their personal transformation charms on, lest anyone got careless and forgot.

The idea was two-fold in that hanyou employees did not have to lose their youki abilities while on site, and it also provided security for the company to keep track of all the youkai and humans on the premises.

The elevator opened up and Yash merely grunted at the secretary sitting behind the curved teak desk as he rushed by her. The wolf youkai gave Yash a seductive smile and waved him into the office area.

Yash went through the double wide wooden doors that lead into the inner offices and paused long enough by his secretary's desk to bark out, “Coffee,” before he hurried into his own private office.

“Mr. Takahashi, Mr. Sesshomaru Takahashi is waiting for you…” the secretary's voice trailed off as the flash of silver brushed past her.

“Oh well,” she sighed before she went to get his demanded cup of coffee, “he'll find out soon enough.”

Yash rushed into his office… and stopped dead in his tracks as two piercing amber eyes glared at him from behind his own desk.

-x-x-x-x-

“Baka, did you not hear a word I said to you before you left on Saturday?” Sesshomaru reprimanded without preamble.

“Sess, let me explain —”

“Since you have such a high stake in the success of this project, I am surprised at the lack of interest that you have shown,” Sesshomaru replied coldly. “I take it you did not read the files?” He held up the manila folder that was lying on Yash's desk.

Since it was a rhetorical question, Yash did not bother to answer. Instead he stood staring stonily at Sesshomaru. As the seconds ticked by, he began to fidget under the tense scrutiny of his brother. “Look, Sess, I'll look it over right now —”

“Dr. Watanabe was in charge of giving me updates,” Sesshomaru interrupted. “I never bothered to ask who was in charge of the actual research. I didn't read the reports until this weekend myself. I didn't know.” His amber eyes seem to soften a second with that cryptic remark before they became molten gold again. The transition was so brief that Yash had to blink a few times, certain that his eyes were deceiving him. “You have to prepare yourself.”

“Sess, what the hell are you talking about?” Yash gave him a blank look.

Sesshomaru sighed. Sometimes his brother could be so dense. It's a wonder anything got through to that thick skull of his. Fighting the urge to roll his eyes, Sesshomaru growled, “The meeting is in ten minutes.” He glanced at his Rolex watch. “Make that eight minutes. Brief yourself.” He threw the folder onto the desk and gracefully got off the black leather chair. He paused as he drew along side Yash, “Don't be late.”

Yash heaved a heavy sigh as his brother left his office. Groaning as he sank into his chair, he pulled the files towards him. His secretary discreetly entered the office and placed a coffee mug down beside him. He reached for it and yelped as the hot, scalding liquid burned his tongue. Hissing slightly, he began flipping through the folder.

“Project: Hanyou Transformations, working to disguise appearances while not suppressing youkai, blah, blah, blah...” Yash rapidly rifled through the notes, scanning the important details — at least he hoped it was the important details he read.

He flipped over a page and stopped. He stared at the name on top of the page and his mind went numb. Kazuki Matsumoto. Now, where the hell had he heard that name before? He stilled as he twirled the name in his head. Suddenly, the answer splashed at him like icy cold water as his nightmare came rushing back to him. Kazuki… Kaz… the bastard…

Breathing heavily, Yash willed himself to calm down as he shuffled through more paper until he found what he was looking for. It was the profile sheets on the scientists working on the project. On the top was Kazuki's personal history, complete with two photos: one of his hanyou form and the other of his human form. Looking at the hanyou photo, Yash confirmed it was indeed the bastard that had stolen Kagome away from him. Seething with rage, it took every ounce of his self-control not to tear the picture into shreds.

Through the red haze, Yash glanced down and froze. The name beside Kazuki's stood out like a beacon in the night: Kagome Higurashi. His breathing hitched as he shakily turned the page and stared at a recent photo of Kagome. Time stood still as the world melted away. Yash stared at the girl— no, she was a woman now — looking back at him. Her hair was the same, still a bit unruly with full bangs framing her arched brows. Her complexion was smooth and flawless. Her lips were slightly parted, almost pouty in their fullness. Somber brown eyes reflected determination and intelligence and a hint of… sadness?

Yash could drown himself in those eyes and had to forcefully pull his gaze away. She looked exactly like he remembered her. He sighed and looked out the window, deflated as suppressed memories flooded him. He was no longer sitting at his desk in his office. He was 500 years younger and he was standing at the Higurashi Shrine…

-x-x-x-x-

Five years ago InuYasha came through the well looking for Kagome. He was sorry, so sorry for getting mad. Nothing was worth losing her over, certainly not his stubborn pride, and he came back to tell her that. Except that when he came through, he found that she had already moved away. He panicked, and he started to fly into a terrible anguish when Kagome's mother managed to calm him down by reassuring him that she was all right.

After speaking with Mrs. Higurashi, he was calm enough to realize it would be okay; Kagome would come back. After all, she had said she would be gone only two years. What was two years? He would wait for her forever if he had to.

He made periodic visits to her time and asked about her. Occasionally, he would appear and catch glimpses of her life in Canada from eavesdropping on conversations her mother had with Jii-Chan or Sota. In a roundabout way, it made him feel better, knowing that she was okay. It still devastated him to know that he wasn't there to protect her, but hearing about her and how enthusiastic she was about her job made the pain in his heart ache a little less. If she was happy, he was too, for her sake.

In the Feudal era, he kept busy helping Miroku and Sango around their slayer village. While he did enjoy being around their growing family,it was the moments that he heard about Kagome that he truly lived for. It made her seem like she was still with him, and he counted the days that she would return to him.

He overheard Jii-Chan talking about destiny, and how Kagome was fated for something more and that they shouldn't interfere. InuYasha took that advice to heart even if it wasn't meant for him. He loved her enough to let her go and find her “destiny”. He just prayed that that destiny still included him.

In her visits back to Japan, he always hid up in the trees intently watching her, listening to her and memorizing every feature. She never stayed for long, something that he never really understood. In all that time during her infrequent visits, never once did she mention him. It hurt, boy, did that hurt a lot, but then again, he never came out of his hiding spots either. So, okay, they were both being stubborn and prideful. Many times, he almost approached her, but he would always lose his nerve at the last minute. After a while, InuYasha was just happy to observe her; to have her soothing presence around. She didn't visit much, which he frowned upon. After all, she was supposed to visit more often, wasn't she? But he never dwelled too much on it. After all, one day soon she would come home for good. So he watched and he waited.

All that shattered the day he found out that she had extended her contract and was staying in Canada. She told him only two years. He was waiting for her to come home, what he had lived for. He thought his heart would shatter into a million pieces. Did she forget about him? Maybe all those moments that she never mentioned him weren't a result of stubbornness, maybe she didn't want to remember him. Was he being hopelessly naïve in believing that their love would last? He didn't want to believe that she had forgotten him — about their dreams of a life together — but the more he asked about Kagome's life in Canada, the friends she made, the co-workers she had, the more he felt her slipping away… Hope died in his chest when he heard about that Kazuki bastard; the one who saw his Kagome every day, who now shared her life, her thoughts, and her dreams.

He went back to the Feudal era. He still made the occasional trip back to Kagome's time to keep track of her, but he never confronted any of her family. He knew they were holding back telling him things — he could sense it. So he lurked in the shadows and overheard bits of conversations now and then. They were more honest when they thought he wasn't around.

The last time he went back… hell, it still hurt too much to think about that night. He came back and saw her with him in their tree. Another man was holding her, touching her… how could she? Was he that replaceable? It never occurred to his numbed brain that he was seeing another hanyou. That thought wouldn't occur to him until years later. By then it was too late.

He was heartbroken. He went back to the Feudal era and tried to forget her. Then she came back through the well again and his spirits lifted. The week she spent in the Feudal era with him and their friends was like a beacon of light and a flicker of hope reappeared; a hope that was abruptly crushed by her news that she was getting married.

He had begged her to stay. She told him to let her go. When she went through the well, he tried to follow her, but he couldn't. She had made sure of it. He was devastated and sunk into a black depression that even his feudal friends could not lift. He became bitter and jealous, but he lived. Over time, that bitterness grew into sorrow. It was bitterness that he could swallow and sorrow that he could bury. He made a new life, a life without her, and he never looked back.

The telephone rang, startling Yash out of his memories.

“What the hell are you doing? Get down here now!” Sesshomaru practically roared into the receiver. Yash flattened his ears to the side of his skull and cringed at the anger emitting from the phone. Sesshomaru rarely ever showed his emotions, and for him to do it meant that he was angry, really, really angry. Shit.

Quickly hanging up the phone, Yash gathered the files and stuck it in his briefcase before heading out the door. Pausing in the doorway, he closed his eyes. I can do this. I can do this. Dammit, I can't! Yes, you fucking can!

He took three deep breaths and opened his eyes, coldness seeping into his amber gaze. He hardened his heart. With purpose and precision, he headed down to the meeting.