InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Shades of Grey ❯ A Distant Memory ( One-Shot )

*~*~A Distant Memory~*~*

 

Desire could be a dangerous thing.

 

Especially when forcibly repressed by an individual such as he. It could produce simply disastrous circumstances. A seemingly innocent thing could be warped until it became completely unrecognizable. Twisted in upon itself until all logic had been forced from its midst. These innermost desires, when left to fester, had the power to destroy entire civilizations.

 

Or just one man.

 

This man was no exception.

 

He lay motionless upon the dry earth, his unblinking eyes roaming his dismal surroundings. Again. When he wished a reprieve from the utter hopelessness he would allow his eyes to close and embrace the oblivion that was sleep, or simply prolonged unconsciousness. He wasn't sure which it was anymore.

 

`You are worthless. Nothing. Useless.'

 

He was expecting the voice this time. It always came at times like these. When he was contemplating the reason for his very existence. When even drawing in one more breath just seemed like one breath too many.

 

Then the voice would come.

 

Invading his consciousness. Laughing at his inability to run. His inability to deny the damning words. And just when the thought of ending the farce he called a life lingered, the voice would disappear.

 

Slip back soundlessly into the night as though it wished him to continue. To suffer, to recover, then inevitably return to desolation where assuredly the voice would be waiting.

 

Offering him an out.

 

Just not the one he wanted.

 

He wanted. . . well so many things. So much that it literally hurt. . .

 

`When will you admit that I am the only way you will ever amount to anything?'

 

Ignoring the ever-present voice, his gaze focused unwaveringly on the horizon, he welcomed the sun's slow descent in the sky. His thoughts provoked a shiver of pleasure that rocked his rigid frame to the core. He ignored the twinge of pain it brought with it, instead focusing on the momentary warmth surging through his limbs.

 

`Weak!'

 

Quiet!

 

He refused to allow him to ruin this moment. There was little he bothered to look forward to anymore. His life had become utterly monotonous long ago. A sickening ritual repeated daily with a finality that could rival death itself.

 

Once he'd longed for it. Craved leaving this world above all else. Above wealth. Above hope. Even above his never-ending yearn for power. But that desire had abruptly faded. It had disintegrated into nothingness the moment he saw her.

 

Skin as pale as moonlight on water, eyes rich and deep, with hair as black and flowing as the darkness that threatened to encompass his soul.

 

From that moment on he had been a man possessed. His every waking thought consumed with his new unholy obsession. So he waited.

 

The long lonely hours of the day seemed to drag by, but he was persistent. Eyes glued to the sliver of light, he watched, willing the woman to appear. Hoping to catch just a glimpse of her pristine white and crimson attire.

 

He gasped in mild surprise and overwhelming anticipation as a familiar shadow fell across his motionless form.

 

Simply stunning.

 

`Absolutely delicious.'

 

The man paused at the crude yet accurate description of the woman standing before him. At least we agree on something.

 

The personification of his thoughts seemed to float towards him, her footsteps a bare whisper upon the ground. Thinking for a moment that he had conjured her through sheer will alone, he barely registered her roaming fingers on his skin. A brief sigh escaped his lips.

 

She knelt beside him, seemingly all business, but her movements conveyed a gentle confidence that was absent in so many others. He could not take his eyes off of her. Even when she brought the dish of cool water to his parched lips for a satisfying drink.

 

`You want her.' It was not a question but a simply stated fact.

 

More than anything.

 

`Then take her.'

 

Is that supposed to be a joke?

 

`No, I can give you the power to gain what you seek.'

 

For once the man did not quiet the voice. Only allowed his words to drift through his mind in silence.

 

Her healing touches were over far too quickly. He groaned as her ministrations ceased. The woman rarely spoke, but this time he was treated to her melodic voice. It flowed over him like a lover's caress, though her words left him somewhat desolate. It meant that her visit was coming to a close.

 

"I will bring you more tomorrow."

 

More. Oh yes, he wanted so much more. He wanted more of her earthy scent. More of her gentle touch. More than the shell of a life he was being forced to endure. But for this he would need more power.

 

I can give you the power to gain what you seek. The proposition floated through his mind, and though he knew there must be more to this statement he was slowly beginning not to care what the price may be.

 

She rose as silently as she had entered. She's leaving? Not yet! He wanted to call out for her, demand she not leave his side. Ever. As illogical as it sounded that was what he wanted more than anything else.

 

`Powerless!'

 

He cringed at the accurate accusation. He wanted this woman. Needed her. It was the look in her eyes. The sheer potential he saw there. Undoubtedly one of the most beautiful and powerful maidens to ever roam the plains of Musashi, but there was something else.

 

Something deep within his soul that let him know that this woman could understand him. Would truly understand him given the right motivation.

 

As if she sensed the direction of his thoughts her piercing gaze connected with his. She looked into his eyes as though she were seeing his very soul. And for a moment her eyes widened in frightened understanding.

 

She can see it, he realized. She can see her fate.

 

A slow smile crept over his face, his muscles tensing from the strain. To her credit she did not run. She simply stared at him as though his antics were beneath her notice. A mild irritation.

 

She brushed her long hair over her shoulder and turned her back on him. The woman stood stiffly, her innate dignity compelling her to walk away. Her stride was purposeful, and he was forced to squint against the light of the setting sun, as she appeared almost ethereal bathed in its light. A creature not quite of this world.

 

Her voice rang out loud and clear, echoing around him in the coming night. "Keep such looks to yourself, Onigumo. I do not fear you."

 

He did not reply, his smile only growing as he watched Kikyou's lovely silhouette fade into the waning light.

 

Blood red eyes glowed in the yawning darkness, safe now that the miko had left their presence. The figure crept stealthily towards the prone man. `Have you made your decision?'

 

The injured bandit lay deep in thought for the first time weighing the consequences of the action he was considering. An image of the miko lingered in his mind. Calling him. Enticing him.

 

How she'd stood unafraid at the entrance, her crackling aura barely contained as the knowledge of his intentions bombarded her. Yet she had not fled. She had held her ground and dealt him a scathing glare worthy of the most regal hime.

 

The great priestess never showed her fear, only sheer determination and mild contempt. At that moment even the darkness of the cave had been held at bay, her pure soul radiating a light that even nature was unable to conquer.

 

And that alone made her worth it. Worthy of the irrevocable price the demon was sure to demand.

 

Worthy of him.

 

Onigumo raised glassy eyes to meet the youkai's fiery ones. "She will be mine," he ordered so forcefully that it took on the tone of a growl. The youkai simply smiled as it moved towards him, the feral statement echoing as it damned both him and the woman he craved. . .

 

 

 

 

 

. . . ."Useless thoughts for an even more useless man. Learn your place and be quiet you fool!"

 

The command was given so forcefully that it yanked Onigumo back from his wandering thoughts. Have I been daydreaming again? How long this time? Minutes? Hours? Hopefully it had been days.

 

If anyone had dared to tell him that one day he would think of his days of confinement as one of the fonder moments of his life he would have died of laughter. . . and then extended an invitation to the commenter to join him in death. . . permanently.

 

But as the years passed he'd soon realized that he would resort to anything to escape. Even for a moment. His thoughts were the only power he possessed anymore and sometimes even they were not his own.

 

The sound of laughter echoed through is mind, mocking him and the fading memory he had been clinging to. `You always were worthless. To be thinking of such inconsequential things at such a momentous moment.'

 

Onigumo would have rolled his eyes if he had control of them. Another of Naraku's "momentous occasions". They usually consisted of chasing the abrasive inu-hanyou or manipulating some fool not even worth mentioning.

 

`Even you might be interested in this one.'

 

Oh how he hated that his thoughts were not his own. Onigumo finally gave into his curiousity. What the hell are you talking about? He hoped Naraku's explanation would be quick as he did tend to ramble on when he felt he had created a foolproof plan.

 

To Onigumo's frustration the question only caused the laughter to increase as the voice, that damn everpresent voice, ignored him completely. Hadn't he been humiliated enough?

 

He had actually relished the feeling of power that had entered his body. Clung to it. Embraced it. Had given absolutely no resistance when it had attempted to take full reign. Had not even considered the possibility that he been manipulated until much too late. When his body no longer responded to his will and his voice had become nothing but a whisper.

 

Naraku had been right all along. He had been a fool. Succumbing to his darkest desire all those years ago only to watch more powerless than ever before as all he wished for slipped beyond his grasp.

 

Remnants of his will was all he had left and Naraku had been determined to take that from him as well. Ejected from his body into some unnatural newborn incarnation, Onigumo could do nothing but frequently remember that defining moment fifty years before.

 

Remember and watch in dawning horror as a familiar shadow fell across the earth.

 

`You finally understand don't you?'

 

Eyes wide with frightened understanding he watched as an avenging Kikyou crested the hill and fearlessly faced off his captor. He knew the reason for her misguided confidence. How she instinctively knew he could never truly harm her, had never wished her death those countless years ago.

 

So she stood poised yet relaxed as though sure any attack Naraku initiated would not be a fatal one.

 

A mistake he himself had been the root of. Always using his last bit of strength to stop Naraku from hurting the only thing he had left. But in hindsight he had begun to realize that it might have had nothing to do with his own will and more to do with manipulating his emotions.

 

What Naraku did best.

 

But a determined Kikyou was no small threat and obviously the problems she caused had begun to outweigh any perverted joy Naraku received from her presence.

 

Onigumo damned his own incompetence. Trapped. Again. In an altogether different yet even weaker body. If only he could warn her. Tell her that the creature she now faced thought less of her than the dirt beneath his feet. His mind screamed in rebellion. Move! Run! Draw your bow damnit! But the woman stood maddeningly still.

 

`Enough! The heartless voice cut off his very thoughts. Her fate is sealed. As is yours.'

 

To his horror he saw history repeat itself. High above the bloodshed below, cradled in the wind witch's arms, he could do nothing but watch as the blow fell.

 

Piercing the unsuspecting miko through her delicate clay frame. She pitched backwards helplessly, forced by the momentum of the attack. Confusion was written clearly on her face as another man who claimed to love her sought to end her life.

 

Midnight hair flew free of its confinement, the riotous wind catching it as she began her descent.

 

Onigumo watched in despair and lingering respect as the mysterious woman fell as gracefully as she had lived. She didn't utter a sound and by some miracle her gaze found his high above the clifftops.

 

Those fathomless eyes gave him the same regal look of fifty years before. And though her lips did not move Onigumo knew her thoughts as though they were his own.

 

"Keep such looks to yourself, Onigumo. I do not fear death."

 

The courageous miko was much braver than he. Eyes shut in silent acceptance Kikyou plummeted into the sizzling miasma below.

 

Naraku's sickening laughter echoed through his consciousness as the truth swamped him. Choked him. He had succeeded.

 

In her last moment Kikyou had finally been able to understand him.

 

A second of clarity when she'd realized they were more alike than each had ever known. She had died not once, but twice, as alone as he had lived. Their entire lives and potential for greatness reduced to nothing but a distant memory to those they had left behind.

 

And in that moment Onigumo had a revelation of his own.

 

The damning knowledge of where he'd made his first mistake. She had been worthy of him? It was so ludicrous it was almost laughable.

 

It was he who had not been worthy of her.

 

 

* * * Blanket Disclaimer: Inuyasha's mine? Keh! I wish! I'm just borrowing `em. * * *