Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ None the Wiser ❯ Too Often ( Chapter 5 )

Title: None the Wiser

Author: The Uke Reformation

Genre: Naruto

Subgenre: Romance/Drama

Summary: There are some things not meant to be said. There are some pasts that you cannot escape. Some people that will always hunt you down. And every once in a while, there are special students that reward you for all your teaching...SasuNaru, yaoi

Rated: R for harsh language, as well as sexual and mature content.

Author's Note: I hated this chapter while I was writing it. I like it plenty well now, simply because it's a pretty fun part of the story (mostly because the SasuNaru finally starts to kick in…it needs to be gradual to be effective, I know, but still, the inner me is just as impatient as a rabid yaoi fan girl should be) but I really did hate writing it - mostly because it was deleted and then rewritten from scratch no less than four times.

Note: Got yaoi?

Disclaimer: Copyright The Uke Reformation, 2005. All rights reserved.

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None the Wiser

by The Uke Reformation

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Chapter 5

" Too much, too little,

and too often. "

Naruto sat still. He was pensive at this hour, for some reason. The room was cold for it being October. He had always liked October, as it were, when the cold brisk winds began to gallop through the streets after a few prolonged weeks of absence, and the fog drifted in thickly off of the bay. The window was open because he liked it as much as he did, because he liked how clear the air smelled at this time of year. It was crisp and beautifully cleansing, and it invigorated his soul instead of his body, which left him with an almost-alien aftertaste of being sterile the inside out. He loved that taste.

The shades were half open and he could see the lights gleaming out from behind the fog. The window panes were ice cold to the touch but steamed up whenever his fingertips would ghost over them ever-so experimentally. He rubbed at his arms in an absent way, as if to warm them. His eyes and face indicated his being gone as simply as anything, blank as they were.

He looked back in on himself after a while, breathing in deeply and relishing the October fragrance that filled him. He felt weirdly empty. Certainly, he had always felt haunted, fraudulent. Shit, he'd even go so far as to call some of his so-called friends strangers for all they knew of him, so far as to call himself hopeless, manic, pathetic and deceptive. But emptiness was rarely something he acknowledged feeling, even if he couldn't really remember what it was like to feel “whole”.

He moved his hands again and wiggled out of his now-warm seat on his bed. The sheets rustled like bird's wings beneath him and he blinked, head panging uncomfortably as he experienced abrupt stop of momentum in his stomach, as if he'd just withdrawn from a careening free fall. He massaged his stomach, grimacing. He hated being swept out of a daze like that, even if it was accidental. He breathed again, sighing more deeply than anything else. Reverie was a sad thing to lose at eleven o'clock in the evening.

He tempted to rise, but too much dreaded the feeling of loss if he were to leave the warmth of his bed and walk into the barren nothingness that co-inhabited his small flat. Instead, he relaxed his back in disregard of the papers he barely missed, letting his head lie on the soft pillow. He sighed again, tiredness settling into the groves of him, and he glanced over at what he had already graded. They all had the same name printed perfectly on the given line, and he ached with the knowledge of it.

Uchiha Sasuke.

He swatted at the boy's presence as it entered the back of his brain. He pushed it back, shoved at it. But it was persistent, ever existing. He shivered, groaned and put an arm over his eyes out of distress. So many papers. So many failed attempts at making the boy listen to him. Why wouldn't the boy listen to him?

Uchiha Sasuke.

The presence pressed into the creases of his mind. He hated it. He hated it with a passion. But he second guessed himself. He second guessed that hatred. He second guessed it constantly. He second guessed it just as everyone else did when he would talk to them about it. He knew the way they looked at him. He knew how emphatic he was, how frustrated and tired and fed-up. He knew they knew it too. He knew they believed him. But he knew that they had started to second guess it after a while. He knew they were right too.

Certainly, Uzumaki Naruto got riled. Certainly he did, there was no debating that. His moods had the swinging tendencies of a metronome, after all. But rarely did he ever get hung up over things. He did get hung up over the larger stuff: whether he was a good teacher; whether he was taking his pills; whether Yohko was retaining the small bit of sanity she had left; whether the both of them were still as far away and as well hidden from the Ghosts as they could manage. But to get so hung up over a straight-A student who simply didn't try too hard to achieve what he did? It just wasn't like Naruto to do that. It wasn't like him at all.

And yet, that being said, here they were, with Naruto lounging on his own bed which was, consequently, scattered with the materialization of that straight-A student. Here they were, at an impasse that could have been so easily avoided if Naruto had simply been man enough to let it go.

But then, Naruto had always been one to blame himself without recanting his actions. He blamed himself and no one else for all the mess this whole thing had become, but he never once considered stopping what it was that made him blame himself. No. If he was going to be hung up, he was going to be hung up and that was the end of it. His mouth tightened in set resolve. No, he wasn't giving up. Something would come of this. Some would come of this. And until it came, Naruto was determined to continue with his current course of action.

Uchiha Sasuke.

Well…maybe with a few improvements on design. But he could manage that without quitting. Quitting was out of the question and he'd known it before he started. He let his arm fall back again to lie near its bother, tucked beneath his neck. No, he didn't quit. He'd quit too many things. Let the Ghosts convince him that quitting was alright if you destroyed all evidence that you'd ever started in the first place.

He'd never liked doing that before, and he didn't do things that he didn't like. Or, atleast, that didn't have a relatively beneficial point. This had more than a relatively beneficial points. So, upon that standing he was doubtless. He knew his intentions as well as anyone, and he knew how much he wanted to maintain them. He fully intended to. He was going to make Sasuke adhere to the guidelines he had set.

Although, from the looks of it, that was going to be extremely difficult.

He lay in silent thought for a long while before the phone shocked him out of his stillness. It rang out from where it was perched against its cradle on the desk adjacent to him and he rose with the first cry that echoed through him and the apartment. It was a forlorn, almost terrifying sound after such a long spell of quiet. He rose from the bed at last, without a backwards glance and looked at the caller ID, pressing the `talk' button and putting it to his ear as soon as the number registered.

“Hey.” Familiarity entered his soft, exhausted voice. He was happy to be off of the bed, even if his shirt felt abnormally cold.

“I'm bringing over some ramen.”

“Why?” It was a weird question, but Naruto felt he had a reason to know. Not that he'd ever deny her entry into his house. In fact, there was not one occasion he could think of where he wouldn't welcome her as happily as ever. Yohko acted as one of his few secular attachments to the world, after all.

“Because you looked troubled today.” It seemed like a simple answer to a simple question. But the concern behind it filtered through. It always did. Naruto chuckled to himself, remembering her eyes on him earlier at Dolores Park. She'd known for hours, then, and - knowing Yohko as well as he did - she'd probably been fretting over what to do about it for all that time.

“Do you have any idea what time it is?”

“It doesn't matter. I'm coming over.”

“It's almost midnight, Yohko.”

“It doesn't matter, I said.”

“I heard what you said Yohko, but honestly, you can't be wandering around the city right now.” He could've taken it further and said something hurtful but he didn't. She understood his subtleties, what he was driving at. A sigh echoed against his ear and he rubbed at the ring on his finger.

“I want to see you, though.”

He could hear what she was driving at too. She would do anything to make him feel better. She missed him. She never liked leaving him, and she liked it even less when her children were asleep and he had left her with only an almost bitter smile with which to soothe herself.

He glanced at the clock again.

“Yohko, I'll be okay. Honestly.”

He could hear how much she wanted to hug him. How much she wanted to hold him in her arms and make him feel better. How much she wanted to let him drown in all the unconditional love she happily provided him with.

He hoped she could hear how much he wanted that too. But safety came first and they both knew it.

They spoke for a few more minutes before he could convince her that he would survive a few more hours until she would be able to see him again. He knew she had already been convinced - no meant no to her, no matter how anyone said it - but he felt like letting her down gently. He wanted to see her. He really did. But he was just going to have to wait a while.

She sighed, knowingly, on the other end. “I'm just worried. You seem upset, and I…” Naruto, disquieted by her concern nodded softly, a bad habit of his. He nodded even though it was a phone and she couldn't hear him. But she stopped, seeming to pick up on it all the same. She tended to pick up on almost everything.

“I just really want to help you,” she breathed at last. He shifted his legs uncomfortably. He hated letting Yohko down. He hated it more than any other feeling in the world, even more than he hated letting himself down. He felt like he constantly betrayed her love of him. He knew how badly she wanted to help him. He wanted the same for her.

But he just couldn't, not right now.

“I know, Yohko.”

She sighed, sadly. He felt like collapsing in on himself.

“Alright,” she said. He could feel her embrace him with her words, embrace him tightly. He returned it to the best of his ability, knowing he would never be able to convey as much through words and his voice as she could. He had always blamed that on the fact that she was such a talented singer, but at times like this he got the feeling that it was reversed - that instead of the singing giving her the ability to express so much through her voice alone, it was the other way around.

“Aishiteru, Yohko.”

“Aishiteru, Naruto.”

They hung up simultaneously, with that being their goodbye instead of something simpler. It was an old habitual practice of theirs to leave by saying that you loved them, if that was really the case. There was false promise in everything else, too much to say otherwise. Atleast `I love you' communicated to the other person how much was left unsaid by this mis-happening.

They said it in their native Japanese, too. It was angel speak, between them, a language they kept pure and honest by never using it on an occasion that did not demand sincerity. Sure, Naruto spoke Japanese on a regular basis. In fact, Yohko's English was much better than his, which was predictable judging on their professional. But Naruto never said those words in Japanese if he didn't mean it. He noticed that Americans dallied around with them, said them too much, too often, when they didn't really mean it. In that respect, the terms had become diluted and useless. `I love you' didn't mean that much if you said it in English.

But `aishiteru' was sacred. You only said it when you really, truly meant it.

He sighed and cracked his neck, massaging his back, realizing how tired he was. He longed to sleep. Sleep was, after all, the best drug; the best way to drown out everything. If you were unconscious, you were more disconnected from the world then anything like cocaine or heroine could make you. He sighed and barely resisted the temptation to simply swipe all of the papers off of his bed and onto the floor, gathering them up in a messy stack and tossing them half-heartedly on the desk. He threw the covers back, flopped down and smothered himself with them, burying his nose in the sheets and closing his eyes.

It skimmed the surface of his mind that he hadn't yet taken his medication, but he shoved that away, onto the back burner, and was gone nearly immediately.

-----

 

He touched his cheeks gingerly, staring at the caskets. They weren't open which made him happy. He didn't want to have to see what he already knew was inside. He was nine years old and he wasn't stupid. He knew what a funeral was, and he knew why this one was being held.

He touched the oak of each box simultaneously and the tears streamed down with more force. He was nine years old. Nine-year-olds didn't cry, Daddy had always told him with a big smile. Nine-year-olds didn't cry, and boys didn't cry either.

Those sentiments just made him cry harder.

The police didn't think he had seen. They thought that just because he was only nine, he couldn't understand what was going on when he had come around the bend and frozen because there was an ambulance outside his house. They didn't think he had seen all the blood that had covered the road and the sidewalk.

They didn't think he had seen the bullet wound through his father's chest as they loaded him and his young wife into the back of that car on stretchers. But he had. And he understood what that meant, even if what it meant didn't affect him the same way it would a grown man.

Somebody had shot his parents. And that meant his parents were dead.

He touched his cheeks again, a convulsing sob racking his small body. Yohko's long blonde hair hung over both of their shoulders as she sighed softly, and lifted him up into her arms, hugging him close to her. He snuggled into her neck and she kissed his ear gently.

“Oh, don't cry,” she said softly, petting his back. “It'll be alright.” She walked with him on her hip, as she used to when they were younger. “Don't cry. I promise it will be alright. I'm here, don't worry. I'm not going anywhere…”

“No…” he whimpered, clinging to her and burying his face against her collarbone. “You'll die too…you'll die too…I don't want you to die…”

She petted his back soothingly. “I won't die…I promise I won't die, Naruto…”

“You promise…?” He looked up into her eyes, vision blurred by tears. “You promise you won't leave me…?”

She kissed his forehead and smiled. “I promise. I'll never leave you, Naruto.”

He nuzzled against her, gone quiet again. She petted him, still, hips swaying ever so gently, as she went around in a small circle. “Do you want to go out on the lake…?” she said finally. He nodded, and she did not let go, walking past the caskets and opening a door behind them.

The empty sky of gray above hardly reflected off of the water, which was clear as glass. Small, prickly looking plants of questionable origin grew up in random places, and there was a soft, cool breeze. There was no smell and few colors to greet them, but Naruto didn't mind and huddled in against Yohko's warmth.

It left him suddenly, however, as he was placed upon the water, ripples going out from beneath his feet. He looked up to protest but Yohko had stayed where she was, not running or leaving him, just as she had promised. She smiled and took his hand and he smiled too. Hand-in-hand they walked out on the surface of the water effortlessly, going out to the very edge past long rows of black, leafless trees to stare over the edge of a cliff. Yohko was humming something very pretty and Naruto smiled up at her, liking it.

Suddenly, something about the water caught his eye, and his gaze darted downwards. He bent down on hands and knees, pressing his hands to the cold - yet solid - liquid surface below him, trying to see better. It took a while to materialize before him, but at last he could see it clearly.

The thousands of lights of a vast citadel were spread out beneath him. They glittered and shone, illuminating the distant buildings and the town's miniature inhabitants. There were tall towers and more humble looking abodes, huge parks of beautiful green grass and wide magnolia trees, restaurants and hotels. Little buses rumbled along familiar routes and cars and trucks zoomed hither and thither. Naruto's smile widened until he was grinning ear to ear down at a small man who was walking his dog along one of the skinny sidewalks.

He reached up and tugged at his cousin's coat, wanting her to see it. “Yohko,” he said. “Yohko, Yohko, look. Look at the water. Look.”

She turned, a question in her eyes, and came over to sit on her legs beside him, looking down at the city beneath the water. She laughed and looked over at him.

“It's pretty, isn't it?”

“Yeah!” he said, giggling. They laughed together, looking through the surface of the water and pointing out people and other details. Naruto forgot about the funeral easily, only vaguely recalling it when they saw a little hearse rolling down the avenue. Even then he only really remembered for a few seconds, brushing it off as soon as he noticed something else. He felt like Alice peering down through her looking glass at this tiny little city, and he found things pretty and wondrous in ways he never had before.

The cry of a raven disrupted everything.

He looked up from laughing, to see it in one of the trees they had passed earlier. It crowed again and he scowled. It left its perch on wide swooping wings of ebony to land on the water, cawing. The scenery seemed darker, all of a sudden. He scowled at the bird, angry with it for having ruined his good time. He reached out with a hand, waving back and forth, trying to usher it away. It didn't move.

“Go away,” he said, scowling. “Go.”

The bird hopped closer. His temper flared. He reached out and pushed at its chest angrily. “Go!” he said, more forcefully. “Go away!” It ignored the push and actually hopped over his hand, and even closer to him.

Naruto lost it, lashing out his arm with all intent to give it a hard whack. “Go away!” he yelled, face fearsome. “Go away!”

He barely missed the raven as it jumped into the air. He almost smiled in triumph as it floated upwards, only to notice that just as easily as it had risen it had begun to dive downwards. He cried out and leapt back just in time, and the bird vanished into the water.

Naruto stared after it, perplexed. The few ripples that had been produced from its entry had gone as soon as they had appeared. It was strange he thought. Didn't things like that make a splash…?

He clambered over on hands and knees, looking down. A shadow drifting lazily about over the city caught his eyes and he squinted to see it better. He crouched further down, pressing his nose to the surface of the water and half-wanting to go down after it, just to see that he had not imagined it coming.

He was met face to face not with his own reflection, but with the face of Uchiha Sasuke.

The two stared at one another. Naruto was so surprised he considered drawing back, and was even more surprised when he realized that he could not. Something was keeping his body where it was. He looked to his spread fingertips and noticed that they were touching those of the boy beneath him. Somehow that made it make sense that he was no longer in control of his own movements.

“What are you looking at?”

The Uchiha's voice called his attention back and he stared back down at him through the water. It surprised him with its sullenness, its tired air. The raven's eyes were bottomless, sucking him in, relaxed and yet exhausted at the same time, guarded against everyone. Naruto shook his head vaguely, not knowing what to say.

Slowly, the Uchiha brought their right hands apart, breaking the spell that seemed to be locking them in the same motion. Wet fingertips slid out of the water to rest softly on Naruto's cheek. The teacher - who realized that he was nine years old no longer - stared down at him, stunned and unmoving.

“Were you looking…at me…?”

The water surrounding the extended hand seemed to break suddenly, shattered like a breaking mirror. The cracks exploded outwards, spreading everywhere, and Naruto was reminded of the time he had fallen through the ice at a river in a winter long past. The water that had seemed so calm sprung up, enveloping him, dragging him down. He bucked and twisted automatically, yelling, trying to get away. Something kept him down, though. He looked about frantically and met Sasuke's eyes, which seemed to have been watching him all along. He panicked, realizing the boy had a hand on his arm. He yelled again as they collapsed through the surface of the water, the surface sealing behind him.

He collapsed hard on his captor and felt their lips brush together as the words echoed through his brain.

“You were looking at me…

…weren't you?”

-----

Naruto's eyes snapped open, and he stared into space for a moment, attempting to recover himself as he lay there, breathing hard. He sheets were hot. He hugged them to himself forcefully, trying to forget the cold of the water he had plunged into in his dream, and rubbed at his lips feverishly. The bad taste of over-night wisdom left a bitter tang on his tongue, and he contemplated getting up to brush his teeth, as to better rid himself of it. Glancing over at his blinking radio alarm clock, it was probably a good idea.

He forced himself away from the warmth of his bed, clambering out onto the freezing early day carpet and looking over at the sun as it came up over the horizon. He noticed that his window was still open; he had forgotten to close it. He sighed, walking over and pulling it down. He reached up and rubbed at his lips again for good measure, his stomach rolling unpleasantly.

He walked into the bathroom, turning on the water over a brush full of mint-flavored toothpaste which he then raised to his mouth. He scrubbed away for a good two minutes, covering his tongue extensively along with everything else he should, gurgling and spitting. He took two pills for good measure and downed then without water.

He went back into his room, dressed, and emerged again, going to the kitchen to pop an uncooked waffle in his mouth, and then returning to his room to pile the offensive papers and a box into his briefcase. He took his briefcase to the entryway, setting it down beside the coat rack and eating his waffle in relative silence. He had a drink of milk out of the carton, went back to the coat rack, through his coat around his shoulders, crouching down to get his shoes on, scooping up his briefcase and fetching his keys from the counter. He left, locking the door behind him, just as the microwave beeped loudly, announcing to the world that it was six o'clock in the morning.

Before leaving, however he wrote a single word on a piece of paper and taped it to his computer monitor a paper with a single word on it, that hopefully would remind him why he took sedatives that put him to sleep without dreams.

`Ghosts.'

-----

 

Naruto took a deep breath and leaned back in his chair, peaceful for the first time since he'd gone to sleep last night. He kept his eyes on the cartoon Native American woman singing on the television monitor. The room echoed with her voice and he smiled to himself. Personally, he liked Disney's Pocahontas. Even if it was historically inaccurate to the max, it wasn't made to be anything else. It was made to be an entertaining love story that taught why hatred and racism wasn't the way to do things, and in his opinion it was a very nice film. He still preferred the original animated 101 Dalmatians but that didn't have much to do with anything.

He looked away from the screen after a while, as he was apt to, scanning the room for the potential apathetic student who thought they could get away with goofing off on movie days. He caught Chouji eating his chips and shot him a look. The boy looked slightly put out but set them down begrudgingly and turned back to the movie. Kiba scowled in Naruto's direction, but the teacher raised his eyebrows in a `you don't like it, just try and make me change it' kind of look, and the boy turned back with a frown.

A shiver ran up his spine and he let his eyes wander to the upper right hand corner of his peripheral vision. His temper flared, fire showing in his eyes but staying beneath his skin (for the time being) as he locked gazes with Sasuke from across the room. The Uchiha was sitting quite still in his chair, his body twisted so that his legs were facing the screen but his eyes could stay on their chosen course.

Naruto remembered drowning, and shivered again, but he refused to turn away. He nudged through the air at the movie, his gestures speaking for him so that he didn't have to.

I don't remember my name being Pocahontas. Watch the movie.

Sasuke raised his eyebrows. Naruto gave him a pointed look.

Watch the damn movie, I said.

He could have sworn he saw the boy roll his eyes, but they remained in a staring contest.

Watch the damn movie before I come over there and make you watch the damn movie, bastard.

Sasuke sighed, contemptuously, and turned back to it, but not before giving Naruto a look he could not interpret. The blonde watched him for a while longer, trying to read him. Dammit…what was that supposed to have meant?

He turned back to the movie as well, but soon found himself staring blankly at Sasuke's back. That dream was confusing him now. He scowled and forcibly pointed his eyes back at the screen. The only problem was that now he couldn't stop thinking about it. He damned himself and all of his rash, faulty decisions to hell. This couldn't be happening…dammit, this couldn't be happening to him! Stupid dream…stupid dream!

Unfortunately, his preoccupied mind didn't seem enough to distract his eyes. He noticed that he was staring again. And, even more unfortunately, Sasuke was staring back, one of his eyebrows raised. Naruto swore to himself and turned back to the film. Sasuke's eyes did not leave him but he ignored it, and prayed for the bell to ring, not even daring to look at the clock for fear of giving his eyes any chance of freedom.

Alright, that dream was officially damned to hell. He didn't care if it took him with it, so long as it never interfered with his dislike of Uchiha Sasuke ever again.

He played with his fingers, tried to focus on the images playing out in front of him, anything to keep himself away from the subject that was temporarily dangerous. All he had to do was outlast the period, which he'd done every day since the day he'd first started. Everything was going to be alright. All he had to do was keep calm, not panic, and avoid looking at Uchiha at all costs. He could do that.

…couldn't he?

His ears seemed abnormally tight against his head. Why couldn't he keep himself distracted? Dammit, he was supposed to be good at this. Didn't he always give people the impression he had ADHD if they ever met him anywhere near a staff meeting? Come on! He had to focus on not focusing. That was one of his strong points.

So why the hell couldn't he do it now!

His face burned. Sasuke still hadn't taken his eyes off of him, he could tell. The air around him seemed hotter, and a new kind of hatred surged through his veins. He hated the dream, sure, but it wouldn't have been so bad if it hadn't been Uchiha Sasuke who he'd accidentally kissed. It had been an accident, too; he was completely free of fault. It was all the Uchiha's doing. Dammit. Why did it have to be him? The prick. When had Naruto ever invited a person like him into his dreams! Dammit!

He pushed the thought away and stared at the monitor with all he had, tapping his thumb on his elbow. He swore to all that pretended to be holy, if that fucking bell didn't ring in less than two fucking minutes he was going to…

Beeee…!

Speak of the devil.

He sighed and stood, almost relieved, and easily forced a wide smile onto his face. “Okay guys! Have a good weekend!” The clamor began over the sound of the movie and he sighed softly, going over to the door and opening it, kicking the stand down so that they could all move out into the halls and going back to his desk, sighing again and releasing his pent up discontent over the whole thing.

As the masses began to truly vanish with snippets of farewells, which he off-handedly returned, he noticed that the movie was still going and walked up the aisle to pop it out of the VCR. He fumbled about on the counter beside it for the box, and stuffed the video in upon finding it. He set it down and thought about going down to the teacher's lounge now for a cup of ramen. That sounded good…he did have a prep period during second and it wasn't as if he had much `prepping' to do. And besides, he could really use some ramen. The noodles always helped clear his mind. Maybe he could catch Gai before he left and they could go visit Lee together, too…

“Sensei.”

Naruto spun around, almost whacking his head on the VCR, alarmed at the voice that had so abruptly broken in upon his soothing thoughts. Sasuke stood where he was, stalk still and seemingly unimpressed and unaffected by Naruto's jumpiness. As in the first week of school, the blonde was reminded of a snake, looking at him, and he visibly gathered his composure, leaning back against the counters.

“Yes, Uchiha-san?”

The Uchiha seemed only slightly at ease. His eyes were hard, hiding something.

“What were you looking at?”

Naruto faltered, suddenly, haunted by his past experiences. He damned the dream, damned the world, and damned the Uchiha to hell. Why wouldn't they all leave him alone…! Why did this have to happen to him…!

Sasuke seemed to have known from the beginning that Naruto would not answer him and he watched him as the older man scrambled about with his words, trying to think of something to say that would not make him seem like a complete and utter moron. He certainly did seem like a snake now with his fathomless eyes and his cold exterior that changed for no reason except in anger.

“You will not get a rise from a cobra.”

Where had he heard that expression before…?

The ebony-haired youth now seemed assured that his suspicions were true. He nodded curtly, out of what seemed to be habit and looked Naruto straight in the eyes.

“Were you looking at me?”

Naruto shivered at his dreams likeness, flinching when Sasuke shifted slightly, as if to get a better look at him. The voice of the raven came drifting back to him.

`You were looking at me…weren't you?'

He had no words as Sasuke nodded again, turned, and walked out of the classroom. It was a few moments before he slumped against the counter, limply, as if all strength had left him. His legs felt weak, as if he had just been confronted with something worse than death. Maybe, he thought bitterly, he had.

Jesus, what was happening to him…?

-----

 

Beads of sweat streamed down Naruto's whiskered cheek. The constant heated moisture had long removed the foundation there; he would reapply it later. He'd discarded his shirt in the corner with his belt. His muscles bunched and rippled beneath the sinewy skin of his bare stomach, and along his arms. He breathed, his lungs tight with the warmth billowing off of him. His hatred of himself and everything else drove him to push ever harder, ever longer, to exert his energies and ignore the perspiration soaking into his blonde hair and seeping into his cerulean eyes, which were bright with anger. His hands shook in protest and he ignored them, relishing the pain and depleted power rather than giving in.

He pushed the bar up again, hardly satisfied with the strain. He grunted, brows furrowing, and brought the weight down again. Up, down, up, down. An endless cycle of wasted pain before the disappointment of the outcome set in.

“My, aren't we looking frustrated.”

The voice behind him affected nothing; he shoved the bar up again before letting it fall back again. The hand of a silver-haired man on his own made him want to scream, but he settled for dishing him a ferocious glare. The physical education instructor raised an eyebrow at him.

“Very frustrated.”

“Shut up, Kakashi.” Naruto's wrist ached painfully as he tried to raise the bar again and the scarecrow prevented him from doing so. He grunted in fierce agitation. “Dammit! Let me up!”

“What's bothering you?”

“Let me up I said!'

Naruto released a harsh grunt of intense discomfort, his wrists aching terribly in protest as the weight of the bar as Kakashi pressed down upon it.

“If you don't start with the explanations,” the scarecrow growled, deadly quiet, “I think you'll regret it.”

The increased pain and scathing tone of Kakashi's voice was enough to get through to the blonde, who swallowed audibly, immediately ridding himself of any other bitter words he might aim at the wrong person. He nodded in an almost nervous fashion and Kakashi let him up. He noticed his arms were trembling as he leaned them against his knees and scowled at his own weakness.

Kakashi watched him, hands in his pockets, eyes holding something soft and strange. Naruto coughed, holding a hand to his mouth and watching him. When the spell finally passed, Naruto answered the question the man was asking him without leaving much room for detail.

“I'm alright, Kakashi.”

“That's what you say every time you're in here, and it's never true.” The silver-headed man shifted slightly from one foot to another, demeanor calm and slightly concerned, although Naruto couldn't see how those two things went together at all. Somehow Kakashi intertwined them well, in an experienced manner. Naruto was suddenly aware of how much sitting down stunted his height. It wasn't as if he'd ever been gigantic, but from where he was he felt naked; torn open.

It wasn't something he liked feeling, just seeing as it was something he figured he'd felt enough in his lifetime. He moved his fingers uncomfortably, fingering his ring. Kakashi nodded, seeming to understand flawlessly, and tossed a towel to him. Naruto caught it without missing a beat, mopping at his face and neck. He decided to try and stall as long as he could. Kakashi was too smart to be discussing such menial matters with. Not to mention he was damn good with dream interpretation. And if Naruto wasn't careful that's what he'd get.

He didn't even want to have had that dream, very less know what it had meant. He knew it meant something - he never had dreams that didn't mean something - and he had no desire to learn of it. Why? Because he was stressed enough as it was. He didn't need some goddamn dream fucking with his head right now, on top of it all.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow at him giving him a look, waiting. He withered, giving in almost completely.

“I had a weird dream last night.”

Kakashi's eyes clouded. He was entirely unreadable now. Naruto tapped his fingers more incessantly on his kneecaps, fingering the ring on his wedding finger out of habit. He hated when he wasn't able to read people, when he wasn't able to guess even a smidgeon of what they might be thinking about. Iruka-sensei always told him it was because of his tendencies to get too used to things, and he figured the man was right as he always was.

The reply came at last, slow and long-pondered over, carefully worded and ripened by a few seconds. “You didn't take your medication then…?” It was a way of clarification and they both knew it. Naruto nodded vaguely, and quickly jumped to his own defense.

“I was grading on the bed at, like, a quarter to midnight, and I haven't been sleeping well. Gimme a break.”

Kakashi sighed, lifting one hand to his temple and massaging at it lightly. “Did you take it this morning?” Naruto nodded and he did as well. “Good. And your dream…?”

Naruto answered quickly, again. “It wasn't a nightmare. Don't worry.”

Kakashi nodded after a while, still looking at him with clouded eyes. “Good,” he said with a sigh. Naruto could hear the relief on his breath, however slight it was and he thought about smiling even though he was too busy breathing to do so. It was nice to know people cared, worried about him, just because he wasn't used to it.

“The way you're reacting to things, though, it couldn't have been too good of a dream to begin with.”

Naruto froze up, caught in the act of a half-truth. He attempted to shrug it off.

“None of my dreams are good.”

“None of the ones that affect you outside of sleep are good.” Kakashi folded his arms, looking down at Naruto with two bright silver eyes, the jagged scar that passed through his left eye and drifted downward into his mask peering down at him as well. It was intimidating, to have Kakashi look at him like this. How had the bandages come undone, Naruto wondered…?

It kind of exposed the secret to Kakashi being such an excellent interrogator, though. Damn did it ever. Naruto shivered slightly and prepared himself for a bit of storytelling on his part. He figured he'd summarize it, but Kakashi would know if he made stuff up in order to make it appear more docile so he'd probably have to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help him God or whoever.

Damn.

The time seemed to pass slowly as he spoke. Kakashi always waited until the end of stories to react to them, simply because he built up to it. It was just the kind of person he was, and it didn't make telling it any easier. But atleast he wasn't going to interrupt him, like Gai or Iruka might, which would've been so much harder to deal with. He didn't want to have to stutter over things. It might mess him up so he'd have to start over again.

The end came though, and Kakashi nodded, sitting down beside Naruto with a thoughtful look at him.

“So it does have something to do with Uchiha.”

“Of course it does,” Naruto said with a sigh, rubbing at his forehead. “It always does.”

Kakashi shrugged, nodding again. “True. Still, I wondered if maybe it was something between you that had him acting the way he was in PE this morning.”

Naruto looked over at him. “Acting? Acting how?”

“Mm,” Kakashi grunted. “He wasn't trying. I noticed it quick as you would've, I just didn't do anything about it.”

Naruto watched him attentively now, skepticism in his voice. “He just wasn't trying? Is that all?”

“Well, he was taking great pains to avoid doing work, and even more to avoid the pack of rats he usually seeks refuge with after your class.”

Naruto raised an eyebrow. Kakashi shrugged. “Just something to notice.” He chuckled then, the look in his eyes indicating he had just recalled something very amusing. “They kept swarming him, the boys who usually look to him as their leader and he kept shrugging them off…and when I was watching him once he looked just about ready to hit one of them…I don't even think the moron noticed.”

Naruto let loose another cough from deep in his lungs, glancing up at the clock and trying to avoid taking any interest in such stories. He knew Kakashi was still laughing, one eye kept on him lazily, and he ignored him. The clock ticked almost noiselessly but Naruto heard it all the time.

“We'll be late if we don't go.”

“Did you eat any lunch?”

“No.” Naruto toweled himself off more thoroughly before tossing it back in Kakashi's direction, fetching his shirt, tie, and belt from along the wall.

“We've still got a bit of time before we go to class. I'll buy you some ramen.”

Naruto, suddenly and inexplicably, was his bouncy self again, if only for a second, and got his clothes on in record speed.

-----

End Chapter 05

A quick note: if we're assuming Naruto is twenty-four (which you shouldn't assume, no matter how many people say it, hint hint) Yohko is four years older, at twenty-eight. You can see pictures of her up on dA.

--Lady Lamb