Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ None the Wiser ❯ Don't Bother ( Chapter 7 )

Title: None the Wiser

Author: The Uke Reformation

Genre: Naruto

Subgenre: Romance/Drama

Summary: There are some things not meant to be said. There are some pasts that you cannot escape. Some people that will always hunt you down. And every once in a while, there are special students that reward you for all your teaching...SasuNaru, yaoi

Rated: R for harsh language, as well as sexual and mature content.

Author's Note: Finally, my chapters catch up with me. The next update will coincide directly with the one on FF(dot)net - apologies to all who were considering the mind-bending speed at which chapters were coming out to be the norm. Also…yes, the chapter is taken from the lyrics of a Shakira song. Bite me.

Note: Yaoi. Sit down. Shut up. Flamers should've read the goddamn summary.

Disclaimer: Copyright The Uke Reformation, 2005. All rights reserved.

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None the Wiser

By The Uke Reformation

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Chapter 7

" Don't bother,

I'll be fine. "

His mother had called him to her once a day, he remembered, just to sit him in her lap and stroke him. She very much liked holding him, and he never once stopped liking being held. He would always know when she wanted his company because it was always just after she finished washing the dishes, when his father was in his study. She would sit in the rocking chair and look to him, wherever he would be, and call to him softly:

“Naruto, darling. Come here, won't you…?”

The words were always the same, and he would always scamper to her with the utmost urgency in his step, as if her simple request were the most important thing in the world. He would run to her and scramble into her lap, and she would take him to her with her long red hair and soft skin, her embrace like the ocean, total and gentle and enveloping.

She would pet his hair and ask him about his day, and he would tell her the story about what he had found in the garden, or what he had noticed about the newspaper that day as he learned to read of his own accord, going on and on in a sleepy sort of ballad, as if he were telling a bed time story to both of them. Throughout the entire endeavor, he would string his hands together, playing with his fingers and hers, and inhaling the warm scent of lemon suds on her skin.

Then, when he was finished, she would thank him with a smile.

“Thank you, Naruto.”

And then he would say his line.

“Mama, tell me about my eyes.”

She would smile and `hm' at him, a soft hum at the back of her throat.

“Your eyes, Naruto?”

He would nod emphatically, and she would laugh, cupping his cheeks in her hands and running over them with her thumbs, stroking his hair back and kissing him on the forehead. She would `hm' again at the back of her throat and hold him to her, peering into his eyes as a jeweler would look at a ruby of the more priceless variety.

“Oh, your eyes, your eyes. They're your father's you know. So blue.” She would smile and give him time to speak.

“Yours are blue too, though, Mama.”

“Oh, but not like yours. No…your eyes are a perfect blue. Like the cloudless sky or the glassy waters of a lake, your eyes. Azure diamonds, that's what they are. Beautiful. Beautiful and perfect. Just like you, Naruto.”

“I'm not perfect, Mama.”

“To me you are.”

And he would laugh then, and they would rub their noses together in a happy Eskimo kiss.

“And my hair?”

“That, too, just like your father's. Well-spun silken gold to match the diamonds.”

“Like the sky? Blue and gold?”

“Just like the sky, my little Sunflower.”

Each night they would do this, and then he would scamper off to usher his father out of the study so that he might be put to bed by both parents. He never knew how much he loved those talks his mother and he would have every night until they disappeared from his life, and even then it took him a while to realize that it wasn't because of vanity, but because he liked hearing his mother's poetic ways of telling him how much she loved him.

It struck him that this was what had wooed his father with such amazing ferocity over the years, and how much they had truly loved one another, to have had a child like him so young, despite how much their personalities had clashed at the beginning, when they first met in college.

It also struck him what a sin it was for a woman like that to be put to death so suddenly by a car that had, after all, come out of nowhere with the worst of intentions, especially when the bullet through his father's chest had not even been meant for her at all.

-----

 

Naruto's first instinct was to pull back. It was the logical thing to do, after all. Just pull back, just jerk away.

The only bad thing was that his mind carried him too far, and he started debating about what he would do before it even happened, a mindset that forced him to opt for hesitation.

And the bad thing about hesitation was the way in which people tended to kiss him - which never much differed from the relative equivalent of his lips getting jumped at random intervals - in that it gave them more time to maneuver.

Which wasn't that great a thing in respect to people like Sasuke and Gaara. Something good to remember was that if someone was willing to spring kisses on you any time they pleased, chances were that they probably wouldn't mind doing the same with themselves.

Naruto hated that. And that fact, time didn't change.

What time had changed was his ability to utilize that hatred to his better advantages. He was frozen by the comprehension of what was going on, and it screamed out of every pore of his being, he knew it did. He knew it did and yet he found himself unable to do anything about it. It was as if something was holding him there.

Something always kept him stuck in these unfavorable situations.

Sasuke pushed forward, forcing his soul back into his mouth, and his body back against the chair. The boy still had a hold on his tie, he noticed, and again he pulsed into being, filled with unspeakable terror and revulsion. The recollection of Friday's escapades replayed in his brain, as did all the horrible Ghosts that had joined the band wagon without invitation, and something in him exploded.

He seemed to remember that he had hands in the same moment he remembered that there were other people in the school besides the two of them, and the smack of hand on skin - followed by the clanging of the metal legs of the chair against tile and the door as it swung in - rang out like a gunshot.

Naruto was shaking like crazy, and he knew it too. Sasuke seemed to blink awhile before realize he'd been smacked as hard as he had. He stared into space for a few seconds before raising a tentative hand to touch his face gingerly, as if testing the stinging pain there. Again he blinked, the spot flaring up defensively.

Naruto's own cheeks were bright red and full of the humiliation he felt. He'd half choked himself getting away, too, which didn't help stop his arms from trembling as badly as they were. He had pushed the whole row of desks back with the chair he was seated in his frantic escape, and he breathed heavily now, panicked and angry, his hand covering his mouth.

Sasuke was the first to glance over at Kakashi, who stared at them both, silent and facially emotionless.

“Do you need something, sensei?”

Kakashi kept his hands in his pockets. “Yes. You're dismissed as of now, Uchiha-san.”

Sasuke looked indignant. “If you'll pardon me for saying so, sensei, I-”

Kakashi cut him off, voice gone cold and sharp.

“You're dismissed, Uchiha-san.”

Sasuke's eyes flashed, hard and narrow, and he and Kakashi watched each other. The atmosphere around them boiled with the intensity of the glares they exchanged. Then the Uchiha stood, taking up his book bag in one deliberate, fluid motion, slinging it over his shoulder and moving around Kakashi to get through the door, which the man held open for him.

He glanced back at his blonde teacher only once before departing, and even though the older man was still convulsing and had his eyes locked on the desk in front of him, the smirk was so evident in Sasuke's voice that he knew he was better off not looking.

“Have a good day, then, Naruto-sensei.”

His footsteps disappeared, then, down the hall, the click of the heels of the expensive leather shoes he wore echoing hollowly through the corridors before another pair of doors swung open and then shut again at the other side of the building, taking the boy with them.

It was this silence that allowed Kakashi to truly voice his opinions for once in a long while.

“Yeah. Fuck you too, Uchiha.”

He didn't seem to have expected anything out of Naruto, and came over with the air of someone who's seen too much. He reached to put a hand on the blonde's shoulder, but withdrew, silver eye narrowing upon seeing the younger man flinch.

“Damn.”

He came down to Naruto's level, looking him squarely in the face, shook his head and swore again.

“Damn.”

Naruto wasn't moving. He couldn't bring himself too. He was frozen by the deceit of his own brain. Memories were flooding him. He needed his pills, and he needed them now. Right now. His hands wouldn't stop twitching, and his eyes were glassy, staring straight ahead.

“Can you stand?”

Stand? Stand? Kakashi couldn't be serious. He couldn't even speak, very less stand! Oh God…thinking hurt. His head…oh God. The hand that wasn't on his mouth actually managed to do something, and he clutched his stomach as pain rippled through it. His eyes burned, as if someone were digging their nails into the backs of them, making them bleed. His cheeks were still swollen with embarrassment, and his chest hurt so badly he wondered idly if he were still breathing.

Kakashi brushed his fingers against Naruto's arm. The blonde flinched, again, visibly.

“Naruto,” the scarecrow whispered, “you're either going to speak for yourself, or I'm calling Tsunade.”

The Uzumaki's shot nerves jumped to attention. Kakashi knew it, too, and Naruto knew he knew it. But Naruto still said nothing, trying to get a better hold on himself; calm himself and all that shit psychiatrists had told him to do. Don't panic. Breathe - in, out, in, out.

That wasn't going to fly as far as Kakashi was concerned, and the PE teacher stood, looking intent on going for the phone in the corner.

“Don't…”

Kakashi glanced over at him.

“Don't. Don't call her.” Naruto knew his voice was cracking, and that his knuckles were white because he was holding on to the plastic of the chair so tightly. He didn't care. There was no reason to contact the old lady. “I'm fine. Don't call her.”

Kakashi came back to him, again placing a hand on Naruto's shoulder. “Can you stand?”

Naruto's legs were shaking so badly he wasn't sure they were still his, but he got up anyway, only to collapse against Kakashi, who was fully ready for it. He didn't let himself cry - he never cried in front of anyone but Yohko. But he shook, gasping for breath like a rock dove with a broken back. Kakashi cradled him in a way he'd only done once before, when Naruto was very small.

“Don't worry. We'll protect you. I won't let anything bad happen to you, Naruto.”

“…You knew, didn't you?”

“I had my suspicions.”

Naruto's arms were twitching convulsively. He buried himself against Kakashi's arm, eyes closed tightly.

“You're safe. Nothing bad is going to happen. I promise.” Kakashi's voice was soft and steady, unwavering and resolute in a way that was almost desperate. Naruto doubted his words. They both did. But that didn't make him want to believe them any less.

“I want to see Iruka.”

He felt Kakashi nod.

“Alright. He's downtown, visiting Lee.”

Naruto nodded wordlessly. He wanted to see Iruka badly enough to stomach a car, he figured. After all, what could possibly happen to make things go any worse? Memories? There weren't many that hadn't flashed through his brain recently. Claustrophobia could be dealt with accordingly. And if they got into an accident on the way there, well hell, all the faster they'd get to the hospital.

If that happened, Naruto figured it was a win-win situation, whether he died or not.

-----

 

The Japanese community had long renamed the hospital off of Geary “Kubome no ByÅin” after the sunken-eyed patients that went in and out. Few knew its real name, and few bothered to find out, because the ones who did know called it Kubome anyway, even the oblivious tourists who pronounced it like a boar would sing Ave Maria. The place was built well enough, but served more as a rundown palace for bums who wanted a good place to light up without being run off. The plants leading up the short walkway from the parking lot served as a storage place for many a grocery cart piled high with cardboard and thick, worn-looking blankets.

Not that any of the patients cared. Kubome was renowned the city-over for it's unusual surplus of terminal disease cases. That being true, most of the occupants - doctors included - were rather depressed people, more likely to get stoned with the troubled homeless that targeted the hospital as a sanctuary than to get after them.

Having befriended many of the long-term residents both inside and outside, Naruto knew that they sometimes did.

He was dazed as he and Kakashi ascended the cement walkway towards the all-to-familiar sliding glass doors, but still managed to nod a hello to one of those friends, before walking into the lobby. He noticed Kakashi give that friend as severe look before the door closed behind them, and almost laughed.

Kakashi turned back to him as they walked forward, shoes clicking against the smooth marble tile. He kept his stature tall for effect's-sake, and tightened his tie, which always hung loose and crooked. He looked forward with his free eye.

“I don't want you smoking right now.” The voice was soft, but it was an order, not a suggestion.

Naruto ignored him. “You didn't tell me Lee was staying at the Kubome.”

“I don't want you smoking, Naruto.”

Naruto shrugged. “I don't really care. I'm not smoking right now so you shouldn't worry about it.”

“Naruto, you have a check next week. If they catch marijuana in your system, Jiraiya'll get you put in the Center quick as anything, and you know it.”

Naruto shrugged again.

Kakashi nodded to the nurse at the front desk, who nodded back, signing in for both of them as they pushed open the door to the stairs and started climbing, neither of them missing a beat. Naruto wasn't up for dealing with elevators right now, and Kakashi knew it.

“Don't get a hit off of him.”

“I will if I feel like it.”

“Make sure you don't feel like it, then.”

“We'll see.”

“Naruto—”

“You didn't tell me Lee was staying at the Kubome.”

It was pretty soon evident how much Lee was staying at the Kubome. Upon pushing out of the door to the stairwell on the third story, Naruto knew they were in the right place. People swarmed through the hallways, crowded about one doorway, and he could hear a loud, triumphant voice as it carried through the hallways, mirrored by one that sounded identical to it, only louder.

Kakashi gripped his arm protectively as they pushed through the sea of faces - his own was expressionless, but Naruto knew that crowds made the man nervous, no matter what the scarecrow would say in his own defense. Still, the blonde couldn't help the grin unfurling across his cheeks. He really had been worried, hadn't he?

The voices assured him that he hadn't been mistaken in where he placed such things.

He rapped on the doorframe as he entered, knowing he looked rather disheveled and not caring a bit. He felt more normal than he had in weeks cutting in on the little martial artist's grand tale (that wasn't so exaggerated) like this. At the knocking, said boy looked up, bowl-cut hair looking longer than usual as his wide, round eyes filled with glee, and he sported a new grin almost as wide as his teacher's.

“NARUTO-SENSEI!”

“Oi, Lee.”

Iruka, who already had a rather contented look on his face where he sat beside Lee's bed, near Gai's legs, lit up upon their entry, beaming widely. “Naruto!”

He rose swiftly, and Kakashi came forward to peck him routinely beside the ear before moving to stand over Lee who began chatting with him animatedly. The dolphin almost overlooked it, but gripped his scarecrow's arm appreciatively to turn his attentions more heavily upon the Uzumaki in front of him, who he took up in a quick hug.

"How are you?"

Naruto gripped his friend around the waist for a second before releasing and stepping back. "I'm fine, I'm fine." Alive anyway. He turned to glance over at Lee. "What do the doctors say...? I haven't been here in a while."

Iruka waved it off. "He'll be fine. They don't even think they'll have to perform surgery...no tympanoplasty or anything crazy like that, at least for the ear. Otherwise, the wrist is healing up nicely enough. He'll be out in a few days, give or take." He nodded to the bedridden student who was gesturing wildly just to their right. "Although, knowing Lee, I'm sure it would've been fine to just sew him up and let him go."

Naruto shrugged, his hands in the silk-stitched pockets of his overcoat. "True. He's going to heal faster this way though. Lee being limited by a cast is a set-up for disaster; he'd probably just end up breaking something else."

Iruka chuckled then, watching him. "You know, Haruno-san said almost the exact same thing."

Naruto smiled. "Did she, now? I haven't seen a lot of her lately."

Iruka shrugged. "I've run out of beets, of late."

"Figures."

"You'd better be ready. I've arranged to have some more the day Lee gets back."

"Ooh, goody. Sakura-chan can celebrate while trying to put me in the hospital then."

"I heard that!"

Naruto laughed, turning to give the pink-haired sophomore a good-natured look. "Oh, c'mon now, Sweet-Cheeks. You know I didn't mean it."

"Don't you call me that!" Sakura marched in, looking all-business, all except for the tell-tale smirk on her lips that gave her away as Tsunade's granddaughter. Her arms were folded over her chest, and one finger rapped methodically against her arm in a school teacher-like manner. "I'll have you put in jail for sexual assault!"

"Glad to see you too. I suppose I can go right next to your old Grandfather, eh?"

"Better believe it!" She elbowed him in the ribs with a grin, and unfolded her arms, waggling that finger in his face. "You two should be locked away permanently."

"He's been pinchin' the Old Lady's ass then, hasn't he?"

"And where do get off calling Baa-chan, old, sensei? Last time I counted, you're racking up the points too!"

Naruto laughed. "Oh yeah. Twenty-four. I'm gettin' up there, that's for sure."

"Darn tootin'!"

"Yeah. And your dear old Grandfather sure knew how to pick 'em too...why'd you and the Hag have to be so much alike, anyhow?"

"You're no pick of the litter yourself, buster!"

Naruto reached forward to ruffle her hair and she pretended to scowl at him. He chuckled.

"I'm glad Lee's okay, kiddo."

Sakura stopped trying so hard and let her fake anger diminish, face brightening into a smile.

"Thanks for the sentiment, gramps."

Iruka's eyes were on him and he knew it, letting Sakura go so that he could replace his hands at his waist, letting his grin fade into nothingness as she turned back to the gathered crowd and began scolding, loudly. ("Give him air at the very least, you vultures!") He turned to the man after a while, face serious.

"I'm gunna go downstairs, alright?"

Iruka nodded. "Would you like anyone to come with you?"

Naruto shook his head lightly. "Nah. I'll either come back or leave with Kakashi when he pulls outta here."

"Alright."

Naruto nodded and turned to go, but was pulled back by the voice in his ear.

"Naruto?"

"Mm?"

"Be careful."

He smiled back at the dolphin, who met his gaze very squarely.

"I will, Iruka."

-----

 

It was weird, he thought, moving through the doors and out into the foliage beside the walkway, looking for his friend without really having to. He'd wanted to come just to see Iruka. Usually that included having an actual discussion or something like that. But this time just seeing him had been enough to calm down for the most part.

Or maybe, he thought, spotting the tell tale shopping cart piled high with bedding topped by a shotgun and moving towards it's owner - who's back was to him - that desire had been replaced by a different one entirely, when he realized that the Kubome was their destination, of all places.

He walked forward and sat down beside his "colleague" without requesting or waiting for invitation. The smoke billowing around Momoichi's lips, and the indicative joint in the man's hand were enough to tell him he didn't need one.

"Oi, Zabuza."

The Momoichi laughed in an almost sour way. "What'll it be, Uzumaki?"

Naruto shrugged, half-flinching at his street name. Zabuza noticed, of course, but ignored it, having seen the blonde enough since the Ghost incident to be aware enough of it's mental effects on both the surviving Uzumakis and Sunaharas.

"Got any more a' that?" Naruto nodded to the man's joint, poised between his fingers.

Zabuza shook his head and lifted it to his mouth again, inhaling. "Fresh out, bitch. Anything else on your mind? Guns? Smack? Sex?"

Naruto raised an eyebrow.

"I was kidding on that last part," Zabuza said, looking over at him.

Naruto tried not to look relieved. "Good."

"You think I'd fuck you?"

"I worry every once and a while."

"Don't kid yourself. You ain't half pretty enough." Zabuza blew the smoke through his teeth. The smell invoked something just beneath Naruto's left eye, along the top of his cheek bone, a want that stung at him weakly. He disregarded it, not for the first time that day.

"Good to know. Is'at it?"

"Got coke and cigs. Other than that, we're fresh out."

Naruto pondered over it a while.

"No pot?"

"None, yuh slut. I already told you that."

"Damn." Naruto sighed, leaning back. "How much for the cigs, then?"

Zabuza shrugged. "I don't care. I've got too many, anyway - jacked 'em off some old dying bitch down near Candlestick. Just take some and slam me with any spare shit yuh got."

Naruto stood, rifled through the cart expertly for a few moments (more like a librarian's assistant shifting through files than anything else) before coming out with a pack. He looked to Zabuza.

"Got a lighter?"

"What do you think?"

"You ain't gettin' nothin' if you ain't gotta a lighter fer my ass."

"I got one. Cool it."

"Good." Naruto shoved the blankets back in place, making the cart look harmless once again. He opened the pack, and fished out a stick, hanging it down in his hand so his friend could light it, and then put it to his mouth and taking a long, tear-inducing drag.

Ahhh...

After having a good romp with Ghosts and heroine addiction, Naruto could hardly see what his kids were talking about at all those "Just Say No" assemblies, about gagging on nicotine air when they'd first tried cigarettes. All that was a load of bullshit if you were to ask him. He was glad no one ever did, actually. It wasn't as if he was a drug advocate or a dealer or anything. He knew that they typically made your life worse instead of better.

But they didn't make his life worse. They honestly didn't. Instead, when he breathed that crap in and then pushed it back out, it felt like he was exhaling sin. Cleansing himself. Purging himself of all the evils he had witnessed, all the pain that had been inflicted upon him that was not his fault. He felt like he was shedding a burden, instead of killing himself...or maybe they were the same thing?

He sat down again, aware of the exact moment Zabuza started laughing at him. He glanced over, feeling dazed but more himself than he'd felt in months.

"Wha'the fuck's your problem?"

"'S been awhile, has'nit?"

"How'd yuh know?" Naruto's reply was sarcastic. His neck felt sore, and he rubbed at it.

Zabuza whistled and swore. "Bad day, mm? Only a few minutes and yuh swung right back into yer old street accent."

"Damn bad. You dunno how bad." The blonde scowled deeply, the grooves in his faces more heavily set as the smoke hissed through his teeth. "Candlestick, huh? Is all they've got over there shit like Camel? Christ."

"Sure as hell." Zabuza blew out as well. "You're one o' my only customers who can tell the difference when it comes to cigs though, Uzu-no-pan-pan."

"Aw, shove it up your ass." Naruto took another drag, feeling sullenly bitter at the new topic that threatened to arise between the two of them. This is one of the reasons why he didn't like talking too long - it always came to this sooner or later. "I ain't becomin' a regular, so you can go do yourself in a back alley."

Zabuza laughed. "I might, on your suggestion." So snuffed his joint in the bark between his legs, and stomped on it with one of his trademark army boots for good measure, before turning back to Naruto, who was still puffing onward. "So, how bad a day we talkin'?"

"The 'got jumped' kinda bad."

"Oooh!" Zabuza's eyes lit up eagerly. "Details. Spit 'em. Now."

"Put the flag down, Commando," Naruto spat. "I'm dry."

Zabuza shrugged. "Fer too long, pretty obviously. You haven't gotten laid, since-"

"Don't you dare bring Gaara into this, jackass."

"Hey, you say sex, I look to logic." Zabuza shrugged again. "He's still after yuh, after all."

"You give a shit?"

"Not really. Go on. If it's not Gaara, then who?"

"No one you know."

"Oh, this should be good." The vendor grinned, teeth seeming oddly sharp.

"A student."

Zabuza's eyes bulged. Naruto looked impassive.

"No."

"Yup."

"Really now? I wasn't aware anyone in this world except Sunahara was insane enough to see anything in you like that." He looked Naruto over pensively, a hand on his chin, as if he were surveying merchandise of some sort. "Although, I'm sure hormones at that age can do alot for a person at that age, but you do about as much for me as a dead koala."

Naruto frowned, holding his cigarette. "That ain't saying much fer yer tastes."

"Hey, maybe I just don't go for streetwhores, you never know."

"Who's a streetwhore? Last time I recall, you offer yerself faster than you offer yer shit, Binbin-daze."

Zabuza shrugged. "Whatever. I'm better looking than you."

"Not that I remember."

"Your memory's fucked, then."

"Yeah, same to yuh."

"Look, are yuh gunna tell the story or not?"

"What story is there to tell? You keep interrupting with yer shitass comments."

"Man, you really need a lay."

"Oh, shut the fuck up."

"I'm serious."

"I don't care."

"Look, just tell the story."

"I got kissed against my will by a fourteen-year-old. What's there to explain about that?"

"Is he pretty?"

"Like a camel's ass."

Zabuza watched him for a minute before speaking again.

"I think you're fuckin' with me."

"You can think whatever the hell you want."

"You are fuckin' with me."

"So what if I am?" Naruto felt more defensive than he liked, and he knew he was acting it too. His temper flared, but not dangerously enough to save him from Zabuza's psycho-analysis.

"He is pretty, wa'n 'e?"

"Like. Hell." He was not going to get him to admit this.

"Prettier than Sunahara?"

"Not. Pretty." He wasn't budging on this subject. Nope, nope, nope.

Zabuza was swelling with keen interest, his eyes glittering. "I knew it. He's prettier than Sunahara, isn't he?"

"No." Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. He was not thinking about this.

Zabuza's face was laughing. "Don't you fuck with me. Don't you fuck with me. You think he's pretty, don't you?"

"No." Nope, nope, nope. Nope. No way. No way in hell.

"You think he's pretty, don't you?"

"No." No way, no way, no way was he thinking about this.

"You think he's really pretty, don't you?"

"No." He was not thinking about this.

"You think he's gorgeous."

"No!"

Zabuza was really laughing at him now. "It's because he is, isn't it? Jesus! You little whore."

"Shut up!"

Naruto slammed his cigarette into the dirt, Zabuza still smirking at him knowingly. All at once he hated it, hated it for everything it was. Okay, so maybe he was thinking about this, just a little. Okay, so maybe he wasn't just thinking about it a little; maybe he was thinking about it a lot. Maybe he was thinking about it so much he felt like he was being obsessive. It didn't matter, dammit!

"So what if he is pretty! So what! It doesn't fucking matter!"

Zabuza's tones were triumphant. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"Yeah, right."

Naruto gritted his teeth fearsomely, but knew he was beaten. That's exactly why he never came around Zabuza when he had real problems - the man wouldn't give him drugs, and would always tell him the straight truth that he sure as hell didn't want or need to hear.

Okay, well maybe he did need it. But that didn't fucking matter either.

"He's a prick."

"A gorgeous-ass prick."

"It's gunna take more than that to win me over."

"More than what?"

Both men looked up at the silver haired physical education instructor that had come up upon them so suddenly. Naruto blinked, wondering why he hadn't heard the man coming. That was odd...he usually had better reflexes than that. He must've been pretty engaged in the argument not to have noticed anything.

Zabuza, however, wasn't a drug vendor for nothing, and played quick on his feet as ever.

"More than my charm and amazing good looks to convince him to pay me. He owes me seven dollars."

Naruto kicked the Momoichi in the leg. Kakashi raised an eyebrow, skeptically.

"Getting that worked up over money, Naruto?"

"Hey, I've got two rent payments due this month. You leave me be." Naruto stuck his tongue out at his friend, who sighed, lazily.

"You should've come up to get me. I would've paid for you, you know." The scarecrow leafed through his wallet and flicked a twenty at Zabuza. "Keep the change, yuh pothead." He glanced over at Naruto. "Say goodbye. I'm going to go fetch the car, hm?" He turned and walked down the path.

Naruto kicked Zabuza in the leg again as the man fingered the bill in a miserly fashion.

"You make homeless people look bad, you know. You're everything those jackassed Republicans say about people on the street - you could do better if you actually tried."

Zabuza shrugged. "I gave up easy living a while ago."

"I know, I know. In the afore quoted pursuit of your ideals."

"You know, no matter what they say, you're Uzumaki under all that educated façade."

"Oh, well good," Naruto said with the scowl reappearing. "And you're still educated, whether or not you let on any."

Zabuza laughed. "Don't go against your honor code, Mother Teresa."

"With a fourteen-year-old? Wouldn't do it if you paid me."

"Which is saying alot."

"Whatever."

Naruto stood, stretching his back, and popping his shoulders, noting the Cadillac where it sat near the curb, steam billowing out of the tailpipe and Kakashi at the wheel, eyes on him. He glanced back down at Zabuza.

"Hey, come by the store if you ever need anything real badly."

"The one off of Market, where Yohko works? I don' think that old bitch'd be too glad tuh see me."

Naruto narrowed his eyes. "You'll be happy I don' slug yuh fer that."

Zabuza laughed again. "Right."

"I'm serious though."

"I got it. Now run along. Kakashi'll be getting antsy."

Naruto waved over his shoulder and trotted down the way to get in on the passengers side, trying not to shudder at the car's interior, and by way of desperation, came up with something to very effectively distract himself with.

"How's Zabuza?"

"A few hundred richer, I'm sure."

Kakashi chuckled as they pulled away from the curb. Naruto kept his eyes on him, feeling petulant.

"How much did you pay him?"

"Pay who, what?"

"Kakashi..."

"I told you not to smoke."

"Who says I would have if given the opportunity?"

"Doesn't matter. Better safe then sorry."

"I'll make you sorry, sure as hell... How much did you pay him?"

"Enough to make a good amount of marijuana miraculously disappear."

"I hate you."

"Oh, I know."

"Good. Buy me ramen."

"Can do."

-----

End Chapter 07

This was another kind of fill chapter, but it sets us right up for the next one, and we've also been introduced to a whole lot more of the Naruto cannon character scene in this universe. Hope you were paying attention…

A few terms for the unadulterated suburbanite:

"Smack" - Another term for heroine.

"Uzu-no-pan-pan" - "Pan-pan" is a word for prostitute. "Uzu-no-pan-pan" pretty much mean's Uzumaki-the-Whore-chan.

"Binbin-daze" - "Mr. Boing Boing", or a man who is always on the verge of an erection.

-laughs- Profane much? Perhaps, perhaps. It all ties in, though, don't you know, so whatever, whatever. Understand that this chapter is mostly for Naruto, that he may make some very important revalations on the grounds of Sasuke - after all, the guy did admit that Sasuke was pretty. That's a hard thing not to admit, though, honest as Naruto is.

Zabuza may have been a wee bit out of character, but I felt the need to mold him into the part I need him to play in this universe. Also, I really respect him - the guy is like the awesomest villain ever - so I kinda played him the way I thought he should be played. You might like that, you might not.

Also, I'd like to state for the record that the characters' opinions about things in no way reflect my own, especially when it comes to Naruto and drugs. Let me just let everyone know who was wondering: no, I don't support drug or cigarette use in any way. In fact, I lead those "Just Say No" assemblies with vigor of my own free will...so there.

I also don't know if my street tongue is very finely tuned. I have a few friends who talk similarly, and I tried to go off their examples to the best of my ability, which probably isn't that great, I know. -dies-

Thanks for sticking with me...happy holidays to everyone! Reviews have been replied to in my profile, and I'll try to get the new chapter up ASAP! (Wish me luck... -sweatdrop-)

--Lady Lamb