Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Only In Your Eyes Am I Worthy ❯ I’m All Mixed Up, Feeling Cornered and Rushed ( Chapter 14 )

Evangelion: Only In Your Eyes Am I Worthy

Author's Note: I know, it's been forever and a day since I updated this story. Sorry. Life has been busy and crappy lately. I had to re-find my inspiration. Luckily, I still remembered where I was going on these stories, cuz I'm just that damn good. (And so modest about it too!) I am making some slight alterations to the style of this one though… I'm cutting down a bit on the Japanese phrases. Only when I think they are necessary or fit better. I don't know why I used them so often in the earlier chapters… I suppose just because I could. In the DBZ fic I'm writing, I only use them for occasional spice so that's what I'm going for in this one now. Sorry if you like a bunch of Japanese phrases in your stories, you'll have to live with a few less. The German from Asuka-chan will stay about the same.

Required Disclaimer: No own. No money. No conscience. And no jelly donuts! Enjoy and ponder on the glory of GAINAX!

Chapter 14: I'm All Mixed Up, Feeling Cornered and Rushed

Rei lay on her bed with her hand suspended in front of her face, staring at the red scar that was already fading from her hand surgery. Her thoughts were unfocused and chaotic, swirling around in her head like a swarm of bees. Feelings like indecision, doubt, and fear were new to her and she despised them already. First there was Commander Ikari, whom she had been raised by as a daughter first and a subordinate second, until recently. Ever since the Eva project started, after that first fateful day when Unit 00 had gone berserk and the commander had scorched his hands to pry her out of the entry plug, he had grown distant from her. His visits became purely as a commander checking on the status of a subordinate, and the caring looks and words of a father were never spoken. It was as if the scorching of his hands had burned away the kindness he showed her, and his recent attitude towards her made the blue-haired girl feel cold and alone.

That train of thought led Rei to think of the young Ikari and her recent growth of feelings for the boy. <Have I sought him out to replace the affection the commander once showed me, or is there more to it than that? Shinji makes me feel… vulnerable.> Suddenly there was a knock at her door. <Shinji, you wasted no time in coming here. Are you hiding from Soryu once more?> "Come in, Shinji-kun." Rei called absently, eyes never leaving her scarred hand. The nerves were in the process of finishing up their healing and the scar itched so badly she knew if she started scratching it, she would not stop until she reached blood. So despite how maddening the sensation was, she resisted the urge to scratch.

"Though I am not Shinji, I trust I am welcome to enter anyway?" A soft foreign voice sounded from her now open door.

Rei sat up slowly and regarded the stranger entering her home, feeling suddenly exposed as she had dropped all clothing save her underwear moments after returning home. She would have taken off the bra and panties as well if her hand had not still been too weak to work the clasp of the bra. And why bother taking the panties off if the bra remains? "You are mistaken. You must leave. I do not wish strangers to enter my home." <He looks… so familiar. Silver hair... red eyes. Red eyes…> "Do I know you?"

Kaoru gave the girl a gentle smile and leaned against the doorframe, brushing back his lengthy silver locks up from his eyes. His attitude seemed almost… flirtatious. "Nagisa Kaoru, newest Eva pilot. Pleased to meet you, Rei." Was his reply.

Though her eye twitched in irritation at such a familiar tone, the red-eyed girl chose not to comment on that and instead asked a more important question. "What is your purpose for visiting me then, Nagisa?" Despite the boy's familiar tone, she chose to remain respectful… for now.

The fifth child came closer and sat down on the edge of her bed, despite the glare she was (just barely) giving him. "I heard about your Eva unit being destroyed. I was curious to see what state of health you would be in."

As he came closer, an uncomfortable feeling began to radiate out from her stomach. A feeling she usually only got when an angel was near. "I am well. I would appreciate if you left my apartment now." The soft-spoken girl requested, edging away from the boy. A feeling akin to panic was worming its way through her heart, but she had the impression it was a foreign emotion. <Is he psychically probing me?>

Kaoru leaned closer suddenly and gave her a warm smile. "You feel it too, don't you, sister? Despite how you came to be in this world, you are still of my brethren. You share a closer link to the mother than the rest of us, even. I envy you."

The red-eyes of the first child widened in shock and confusion. "Nani? I…" Before she could finish her sentence, the fifth child leaned forward even more and pressed his lips against those of the blue-haired girl. "MMph!" She protested, raising her hands up to try to push him off. She felt his hand groping at her breast, then trailing down her flat stomach. The boy's invading lips moved down her chin and then found an especially sensitive spot on her neck and the girl felt at once enflamed with something, desire perhaps, but also angry. "Get o ff!" She cried, pushing against him as hard as her slight frame could manage. The force, surprisingly enough, was enough to send him crashing into the wall next to the door, as well as creating a crack in the wall.

Kaoru felt blood boil up from his insides and rush out of his mouth as he felt the burning heat of the girl's outrage pushing him back, and for a moment he knew fear as the energy production of Rei's S2 organ suddenly spiked, and her AT field became opaque as the other pilot struggled against it. The Angel-Alert klaxon suddenly went off, shocking the girl out of her anger and releasing the fifth child from the confines of her AT field. The silver-haired boy stood up straight and brushed himself off calmly and smiled. "It was nice meeting you, sis. I must be going now. Give my love to Shinji, won't you?" Without awaiting a response, he was gone.

"To Shinji-kun? Wait!" Rei had raised her hand, intent on finishing the Angel off but he had already slipped out and was gone. As the adrenaline wore off, she realized there was a trickle of wetness on her stomach and legs. She looked down to see blood with a slight blue tint seeping out of a small wound in her abdomen and it was then that she realized what Kaoru had been doing. <He was distracting me and trying to remove my S2 organ… he meant to kill me. Shinji… is he after you now?>

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Asuka plopped down on the couch and stretched out; running her fingers through her newly washed and dried hair. She was humming softly to herself, before breaking out into song in a soft melodic voice, "Hast du etwas Zeit für mich, dann singe ich ein Lied für dich von 99 Luftballons auf ihrem Weg zum Horizont. Denkst du vielleicht grad an mich dann singe ich ein Lied für dich von 99 Luftballons, und daß sowas von sowas kommt!?" (Nena's "99 Luftballons")

"You sound happy." Shinji said behind her, taking the brush that was lying next to her and beginning to run it through the girl's fiery red hair.

"Perhaps. You shouldn't sneak up on a girl when she's singing, you know." The girl chastised him gently, though her eyes had drifted closed as the brushing soothed her.

"I use to brush my mother's hair like this when I was a little boy." The third child commented, leaning over to inhale the cinnamon apple scent wafting from her tresses. He dropped that line of conversation when he felt her stiffen up slightly. "Well, I'm not dying. They just noticed some strange things happening to me but they're not sure why. Akagi-dono suggested it might have happened when I re-incorporated, or when that last angel was infesting me and Ayanami."

That seemed a safer topic, so the girl leaned her head back a bit and looked up at the boy. "You seem awfully happy to just get a little good news about your health. Did something else happen?" At the blush that crept over the boy's cheeks, the German girl figured she had her answer. "You got a kiss from Rei, ja?"

"……… Something like that. So, do you want to do anything today? I only need to cook some dinner for Rei... I mean Ayanami later." Unit 01's pilot inquired, running his fingers through the girl's hair one final time to give it the bounce she liked.

Asuka leaned back against the side of the couch and raised an eyebrow. "It's ok, baka. You can call her Rei in front of me. It doesn't bother me. Only…" She paused and chewed on her lip nervously.

"Only?" The young Ikari prodded gently.

"Only… don't abandon me, even if you up and marry Wonder Girl. You have… always been there for me. Even when I tried to drive you away." Soryu coughed nervously and shifted a bit. <Damn, this is hard. Damn you Dr. Kagame, you're making me sentimental!>

Shinji stared at her, lost for words.

"Baka! Say something. Tell me to go to hell. Tell me to fuck myself sideways. Tell me you hate my guts. Something!" She cried, standing up, embarrassment enflaming her cheeks.

"Are you saying that no matter what, you want to remain my friend? Even if I have a relationship with Rei-kun?" He was repeating what she said, but he had to be sure he hadn't misheard the startling request. At the girl's careful nod, he considered it. Then the third child responded, "I have a request then. I want you to make more of an effort to be Rei-kun's friend. I think you two would get along well if you just tried."

Asuka's eyes narrowed. "You're asking a lot, mein Freund." She grew silent and stared at the boy. <Can I be her friend? She's so… anti-social.> <And you're not?> It was her mother's voice in her head. <Yes… I suppose I have been. Fine, I will make the attempt.> "Agreed then. I will try, but I cannot guarantee she will like me."

"She takes… patience. And you have to learn her mannerisms and not take her lack of response personally. She's just very quiet." <In other words…> The third child continued in his thoughts, <your opposite. But, opposites are supposed to attract, ne?>

"Ok. So… are you two a couple now?" The German girl asked hesitantly. <Of course you are.>

"No. We have been having… difficulties, to be honest. But, I do admit I am interested in her. Do you think I'm crazy?" He asked. <Of course you do.>

"Of course I do. But, who am I to judge? I had a breakdown in front of my therapist yesterday." Asuka responded with a teasing grin. Then the smile faded as a thought occurred to her. "Wait… you're having problems but you were making out with her earlier?"

<Damn! I walked right into that…> "Eh… I didn't say I made out with her." Shinji was beginning to panic. <CHANGE THE SUBJECT!> "So, what do you want to do today? There're not too many choices, but I think we can have a good time."

<Did he kiss someone else? Misato-san stayed here until just a little while ago before going into NERV, so it couldn't have been her. That leaves the good doctor Akagi and lieutenant what's-her-name. No… doubtful. Maybe Rei just smiled at him or something? I'm just assuming it was a kiss. No point in worrying over it.> "Let's go check the arcade. If we can't get in there, perhaps one of the cinemas will be open? At the very least maybe we can get inside and start a movie ourselves." She suggested.

Unit 01's pilot smiled and nodded. "Sounds fun. Let's go!" He paused for a moment, with a worried frown on his face and looked in the general direction of Rei's apartment. A moment later, the Angel-Alert klaxon went off. "Chigau! Let's go. Plans canceled, I guess." <Please be ok, Rei…>

Asuka frowned and hurried after him, hopping into a jeep across the street and taking it into town. <Can I do this? Please… please let me be able to do this.>

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Lt. Maya Ibuki took several deep breaths and steeled her nerves. She couldn't help but be paranoid as she stood in front of Commander Ikari's office door. After all, in the entire time she had worked at NERV, she had never been called to speak to the commander one on one. Very often she wouldn't even see him, as he had an observation room directly over the Eva control room. He could watch her all day and she wouldn't know it. The thought was not a pleasant one, especially considering everything she knew about the man's personal life. Finally, she summoned up her courage and brought her fist up to the door and rapped gently and waited patiently to be called in. Over a minute later, and just as she was about to walk away and come back later, she heard a gruff voice tell her to enter. "Commander? Ibuki-chuui reporting as requested." Maya said in a soft, non-threatening voice.

"Of course, I was beginning to wonder if you had already left for the day. Sit down, lieutenant." Gendo ordered, gesturing towards a plush leather seat in front of his desk.

The young dark haired girl sat down, having flashbacks of sitting in front of the principal in high school for her brief bouts of rebelliousness, but with a nervous shift she tried to focus on the commander. "Yes sir?" She resisted the urge to chew on her bottom lip as best she could.

Gendo folded his fingers together and regarded the young girl critically. "You are here for two reasons, lieutenant. The first is more of a personal issue, the second a professional one."

Maya cleared her throat nervously and shifted. <Comfortable seats…> "Yes sir?"

"I have noticed you and my son seem to have established a sort of… rapport. Have you two become… friends?" He nearly used a different word, intentionally letting that be apparent. He liked making people nervous, after all.

"… Yes sir. Is that a problem?" The girl asked, swallowing nervously.

"No. Actually, I rather encourage it. My son has a difficult time opening up to people, as you have likely noticed. If your relationship with my son is beneficial to him, than I support it." He stated matter-of-factly.

Maya blinked. "Sir, what do you think our rela-" she began, but was cut off when Gendo raised a hand slightly.

"Whatever your relationship entails is none of my concern and is between the two of you. I simply want positive influences in his life. I am not asking you to report to me on matters involving Shinji. Just, be his friend or whatever your relationship entails. He seems to have become less introverted recently and perhaps I have you to thank for that. If no, I'm sure you helped a little." He fought the urge to smile behind his steepled hands, knowing the girl was trying to figure out whether he was saying he wanted her to date his son or not.

"Of course, sir…" The dark-haired girl replied, still confused.

"Now, on to the professional matter." He indicated a small box on his desk and leaned back to watch her.

Maya hesitantly took the box and looked up at him with an upraised eyebrow, asking for confirmation silently. When she received none, she figured that was an affirmative, so opened the box up. Then stared at the contents. "I… don't understand sir."

"Am I to assume you do not know what they are?" Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki and perhaps Ayanami Rei were the only ones in the world that could have heard the underlining humor in his tone.

"Yes sir… I mean… no sir… I mean… this can't mean what I think it means? You're… promoting me to captain?!" She stared at him in wonder. "But I just made first class lieutenant last year when I joined the Eva project!"

Commander Ikari leaned forward again and regarded her carefully. "Are you refusing your promotion, Ibuki-taii?"

<Oooh… I like the sound of that.> Maya gave him a bright smile and popped off her 1st Lt. pips, then replaced them with the Captain ones. "I accept, of course! I'm just curious… why?"

Gendo was silent for several moments before he responded in a carefully guarded tone. "Your hard work and contributions to this project did not go unnoticed. You went above and beyond the call of duty more than once. I felt it deserved a reward."

The newly-made captain frowned a bit and regarded the new rank insignia. "But it has nothing to do with my friendship with your son, ne?"

"That may have influenced the decision a bit, yes. Does it matter?" Gendo wondered how the girl had been successful in seducing his son where all the other women in his life had failed, but he couldn't ask her and expect an honest answer of course. Was there something about the girl? He felt his own interest in her growing, but he pushed it to the side in favor of letting his son have his chance. <Don't say I never gave you anything, Shinji.> [Arrogant, isn't he? Heh]

She stared at the insignia a little more then shook her head. "I suppose not. Thank you again, commander! I will not let you down!"

Commander Ikari nodded. "You are dismissed then, captain. And… if you see Shinji, tell him I said… no… never mind. It is best you say nothing about me to him. Dismissed." He watched the girl and wondered how soon his son might actually bed her. He glanced at a photo of Rei and mumbled to himself, a rare indulgence, "It is for the best, Rei. You'll understand someday." He frowned when he heard the Angel-Alert klaxon sound throughout the city. "So… it is time already. Disappointing. I was curious to see where this business between the young captain and my son would play out." He turned to his monitors and leaned forward to watch the city and headquarters.

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This wasn't the longest of chapters, but it is about average I suppose. And it's an update, so that's good. Anyway… Next chapter: The effects of the false alarm, Shinji meets Kaoru, and Asuka and Rei have a little talk, woman-to-woman about Shinji, of course. And other stuff. All for now! Bye-bye!