One Piece Fan Fiction ❯ Tangerine Orange ❯ Ch. 3: The Cottage in the Woods ( Chapter 4 )

Disclaimer: I swear on oath of blood that I do not own anything from Eiichiro Oda's One Piece . . . . . . . . Owwwwwwwwwwww.

Chapter 3: The Cottage in the Woods

Nami ran until her feet wouldn't take her any farther. She collapsed, heaving great gasps, but she felt elated. She had run a great distance, and she was now sure that Buggy wasn't following her. She felt wonderfully open and unrestrained, but at the same time was wary. Alvida wasn't stupid, and she had odd ways of spying on her. Which was why she had to find someplace to take shelter, and soon. She looked around her, but saw nothing but dense forest. Though the island was large, so far she had seen nothing but trees, clearings, and bushes. If she couldn't find a house she would have to make something for shelter, and as her stomach was reminding her she needed to find food as well. The rations she had brought with her would last for only a short while. Wearily she pulled herself to her feet and continued on, though she no longer had the strength to run. She trudged one foot after the other, trying to convince herself that SOMEBODY must live on an island this large. Just when she felt like she was going to collapse again, she emerged in a clearing.

Nami gave a sigh of relief, for in the middle of the clearing was a cottage. It looked a little worse for the wear, but it was large. Behind it through the trees she could see the sparkle of the ocean. "Great, I come to a huge island and the only house on it is on the other freaking side," she muttered.

She approached the cottage wearily, but when she peered in the window it was obviously apparent that nobody was there. It didn't look like anybody had been there in a long time. She tried the door, but it was locked. Not like that mattered to a girl who had been practicing the art of thievery in a castle for years! Smiling to herself, Nami pulled a hairpin from her hair and expertly picked the lock. When the door swung creakily open, she was awarded with a rather deplorable sight. The whole inside was covered in dust nearly half an inch thick, and much of the furniture had been turned over. The table was strewn with remnants of old meals, and the sink was piled ceiling high with dirty dishes. She sighed. `Why can't the houses I break into be a little more glamorous?' she thought to herself.

However, Nami couldn't very well let a princess like herself live in such filth. She had enough of that when she was living with Alvida. She rolled up her sleeves with a determined look, and set about to her work.

**

Red Haired Shanks was the captain of a very, ahem, interesting pirate crew. He liked them well enough though, and they were excellent in a fight, all of them. He just wished they were better housemates . . . . .

"I'm telling you, you stupid little monkey, when we get back home it's YOUR turn to do the dishes!"

"I dun wanna! And it's Usopp's turn, Smokey!"

"Don't call me that!"

"You sound like the squawking of geese! Try to sound a little more like the graceful honking of swans, my fellow blossoms!"

"I think they'd rather be geese than swans . . .."

"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz . . .."

"Hey, Zoro's asleep again."

"Forget it Chopper, we'll just drag him back to the ship."

"I DON'T WANNA DO THE DISHES!!!!"

Shanks sighed mournfully. Ah, if only there was a nice girl to keep things under control. A captain could only do so much . . ..

"All right, gentlemen-"

"AHEM!"

"Sorry. Gentlemen and okama! Lets haul the booty together and head back to the ship! Time to sail home!"

"AYE AYE CAPTAIN!"

**

Mr. Prince, better known as Sanji, was amiably ambling his way through the halls of his castle back home, not caring in the least that he was wet or that he was going to get yelled at. He had an absolutely wonderful afternoon with a beautiful girl, before that hag of a queen ruined it, and he had never felt more infatuated with anybody else in his life. Ah, he was on Cloud 9 today . . ..

"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN, KUSO CHIBI-NASU!?"

Ah yes, there was the anchor pulling him back down . . ..

He scowled at the deliverer of the insult. "What do you want, kuso jiji?"

A tall, imposing man with a peg leg and a braided mustache was stalking towards Sanji with a thundercloud on his face, a look he used often on his errant grandson. "What I WANT is to know where the hell you've been. You've missed countless appointments and lessons, not to mention the stacks of documents that are waiting for you on your desk! A prince can't just get up and leave whenever the hell he feels like it! How in the great blue do you expect to become a great king if you have no RESPONSIBILITY!?"

Sanji's scowl deepened to reflect that of his grandfather's. It looked like it was going to be a good scowling match today. "None of your goddamn business. And I have plenty of responsibility. If I didn't I'd have ditched this place the moment I could walk."

The old man's mustache bristled as he growled, "I wouldn't talk like that. I shudder to think of what I did to deserve such a bastard of a grandson! I should sentence you to kitchen duty, maybe it would put some humility into your thick skull. And what the hell are you doing soaking wet?"

"Hmph. Like being in the kitchen is such a punishment for me," Sanji leered at him. "As for my current state, again, it's none of your goddamn business. What I do when I go out has nothing to do with you."

"No, it has EVERYTHING to do with me! Ever hear of such a thing as a reputation? I'm trying to make sure you can ascend to the throne without conflict, but how can I do that when you're out flipping the skirt of every girl you pass?!"

Sanji growled at him menacingly. "I do NOT flip the skirt of every girl I pass. I'm more of a gentleman than that."

"Then start ACTING like one, you asshole!" he barked. "I swear, if I didn't have this peg leg I'd - "

"Your majesty! King Zeff!" a courtier called as he ran up the hall.

Zeff and Sanji let their breath out in one violent huff, then Zeff turned to face the man with what dignity he could muster. "What is it?"

The courtier coughed nervously, sensing the tension in the air. "Ah, er, a messenger from Alabasta has arrived. He wishes to deliver his message to you directly."

"Finally! That damn Cobra is so slow with his messengers. I'll see him in the throne room shortly. Go tell him." Zeff dismissed him with a wave of his hand, before turning back to face his surly companion.

Sanji glared at him suspiciously with his visible eye. "Another messenger from Alabasta? You've been talking with them quite a lot recently. Something going on that I'm not aware of?"

Zeff snorted and turned his back on him, walking towards the throne room. "Not like you care, but I may have just procured a marriage for you."

"A WHAT?! You can't be serious!" Sanji cried in alarm.

Zeff refused to look at him but kept walking. "Yes, I am. If you're going to be king, you need a wife. And this would also provide us with an alliance with Alabasta. Besides, what's the problem? I thought you were crazy about girls."

"It's not that - "

"Then quit griping about it. Go get changed so you can come meet this messenger. I want you looking halfway decent. So get going, Chibi-Nasu." Zeff's tone was final as his steps echoed away on the marble floor.

Sanji stood looking at the floor with his fists clenched tightly at his sides. "It's not that. But . . . . .how can I get married after meeting HER?"

**

Nami wiped the last of the sweat off her brow. It had taken a while, but the house was finally decent. She was amazed anybody could live like this. The people who lived here must have ditched the house in a hurry for some reason, or else they wouldn't leave it the way it was. Now utterly exhausted, she trudged upstairs to take a nap.

Looking at the array of beds before her, she could only conclude that they had been an extremely ODD assortment of people. There were six beds arranged in two rows, with one bed at the front of the room. Each of them was different from the others, and none of them looked like something she would want to sleep in.

One was so small that she couldn't even fit on it, let alone sleep on it. It looked like a child's bed, or maybe a doll's.

Another was simple and practical enough, but it was littered with bits and pieces of junk. The sheets and pillows also had a few smears of grease on them, something Nami definitely didn't want to rest her head on.

The third bed wasn't even a bed at all, but a very, VERY, well used hammock. It had sunk nearly to the floor, which would leave its occupant in a very uncomfortable position. Only a narcoleptic could sleep in it.

The fourth bed was big enough and clear of junk, but it didn't look comfortable at all. It was hard and utilitarian, with no trace of softness whatsoever. Nami was surprised that its occupant had even bothered with a blanket.

The fifth bed was normal, but it had been covered in crumbs. It looked as though entire meals had been eaten in it. She didn't want to be in any bed that could be growing things.

The sixth bed, well, was just WEIRD. Unlike the other beds it was round with bright pink sheets that smelled ever so faintly of perfume. Its headboard was covered with glitter and feathers and ribbons. She wasn't sure she wanted to sleep in it simply for the sake of taste.

Thankfully the seventh bed at the head of the two rows looked habitable. Large and comfortable, it looked like the sort of bed a person could appreciate when they were exhausted, or hung-over.

With a relieved sigh Nami slowly crawled in, bringing the blankets over her head as she snuggled in. After the day she had been through, she was glad she could rest at last. As she drifted off to sleep she didn't even remember that she had forgotten to lock the door . . ..

**

"Hey Shanks, I'm hungry!" whined a black-haired young man with a straw hat and a scar under one eye.

The charismatic captain grinned at him and replied, "Sure, if you don't mind eating burnt stuff! You know I can't cook!"

"Awwww! Then what are we going to do about dinner?"

"Figure that out for yourself, dumbass. None of us are good cooks," muttered a green-haired young man who sat polishing three swords.

"Hmph. I'm amazed we can even map the trails to islands we've been to. We get by with minimum navigation," grunted a tall, muscular man with white hair, who leaned against the railing inhaling on two cigars.

"It would help if we had a good navigator or cartographer," agreed a curly-haired young man with a long nose, who was engaged in tinkering with a chemistry set.

"Gaaaaaahahahahahahahahaaa!! You little sillies! Flow like lilies, bend to the will of the wind, and a seed of happiness shall surely descend upon us!" screamed a crazily dressed man, uh, woman, uh, thing who was twirling pirouettes around Shanks.

"Um, I hate to admit it, but Bon has a point," said Shanks, scratching his chin. "We should stop griping about it, something will show up."

The white-haired man nearly bit his cigars in two. "Why the hell are you agreeing with that pansy for!?"

"Gyaaaaaahh!! I am a lily I tell you, not a common garden pansy!"

"I'm agreeing because it's true. Look, we're almost back home, let's just stop arguing about it, okay?" Shanks said with a silly grin on his face.

"LAND HO!" screamed the black-haired boy, gripping the helm with boyish excitement. "Time to eat!"

"Only if somebody bothers to cook dinner . . .."

"YOU can cook dinner, beaky."

"I don't want anything cooked by the shnoz. Can't we just order out?"

"From where? I don't recall there being any delivery places on the island."

"Fear not, my little signets! I shall cook a grand meal, the Ambiguous Banquet!"

"NO."

Shanks sighed. Ah, they never changed. Then again, he didn't expect them to change. They all continued to argue as the ship landed and they unloaded their cargo. He was used to it though. It was an ever-present background accompaniment to his life, like a musical track.

"Let GO you goddamn ape!"

Hmm, maybe not musical . . ..

As the motley crew approached the cottage, Shanks tensed. Something wasn't the same. It wasn't a bad feeling, but nonetheless something was different. He grabbed the handle to the door and pulled. It wasn't locked. Somebody had been or WAS there.

The black-haired boy, who was always sensitive to Shank's moods, asked warily, "What's wrong, Shanks? You're all tense."

His continued to stare at the door. "Somebody's here."

At those words the rest of the crew stopped bickering and tensed along with their captain.

"So, what's the plan?" grunted the white haired man as he inhaled more deeply on his cigars.

"We go in and see who our visitor is," replied Shanks. Cautiously he opened the door and peeked in, then nearly had a heart attack.

The inside was CLEAN.

"Woooooowwww! The house cleaned itself!"

"Stupid monkey, a house can't clean itself," snarled the white haired man. "Somebody's been tidying up without us."

"Does this mean I don't have to do the dishes?"

Shanks cut them off with a wave of his hand. "Just because somebody cleaned doesn't mean that they had the best intentions. Chopper, do you smell anything?"

The little anthropomorphic reindeer that was hiding (badly) behind the boy with the long nose tentatively sniffed the air. "There's somebody here alright, but it smells . . . female."

"WHAAAAAAAATTT!?" the rest of the crew

"How the hell did a girl get in here!?"

"Where there even any girls at all on this island?"

"Gyaaahhh!! A female to challenge my ambiguity!"

"A girl is the last thing this crazy cottage needs!"

"No. . . .."Shanks said slowly. "A girl is EXACTLY the thing this cottage needs. Now shut up all of you and search the house! It's likely she's still here."

Not to disobey their captain, the men slowly searched the house, at the same time marveling at its state. Shanks advanced ahead of them and began to ascend the stairs to the bedroom. He went forward steadily, trusting in his own strength and not sensing any malice. When he saw the beds he noted that none of them had been disturbed, except for his. The lump under the blankets that moved slowly up and down showed clearly that somebody was in his bed. With one hand on his sword he cautiously approached the bed, then with his other hand he tentatively pulled the blankets back.

He was rewarded with the sight of the head of a young girl, covered in tangerine tresses. Completely immersed in sleep, she looked positively angelic. Shanks suppressed the urge to shout with glee, as not to wake her.

Unfortunately some other members of his crew didn't have the same restraint.

"HEEEEEEYYYYYY!!!! IT IS A GIRL!!!"

The black-haired boy was leaning over Shanks' shoulder, grinning like a loon. Shanks wasn't sure if he wanted to strangle him or pound his head on the floor. Sadly his cry had done two things. It attracted the rest of the crew upstairs, and it woke up the girl.

Nami opened her eyes slowly and was greeted with the sight of a circle of faces looking down intently at her. So she did the only thing natural: she screamed.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!"

Her piercing scream cut through all of their heads like a knife, causing them all to grab their ears and dart back. The strange girl pulled the covers up around her like a shield and cried, "Who the hell are you people!?"

"Ahem. That, I believe, should be our question," said Shanks as he approached the bed with his best smile. "If you would be so kind to tell us who you are, we would be very appreciative."

"Yeah! So tell us already!" yelled the black haired boy whose grin seemed to fill up his whole face.

Nami looked slowly at all the faces around her. The red haired man and black haired boy were smiling at her, but the others were different. The white haired man was scowling, the green haired young man looked pensive, and the boy with a ridiculously long nose was trying to look imposing but was failing miserably. Also in the room was a crazily dressed man whom Nami had to look at twice to make sure he really was wearing what he was wearing, and if her eyes didn't deceive her there was an anthropomorphic reindeer who looked absolutely terrified and was clutching the coat of the red haired man.

She blinked several times to try and collect her thoughts. This was undoubtedly the weirdest thing that had ever happened to her. On the one hand, she wasn't sure she wanted to live with a bunch of weirdoes like this, on the other hand, she had no place to go. This was as good a place as any.

"My name is Nami. And please, I didn't mean to break into your house. But I have nowhere else to go. Please, don't send me away! I can cook, clean, whatever! Just please let me stay here!" she cried, putting on her best "helpless little girl" look.

"Hmm . . ." Shanks mused as he gazed at her steadily. "Well, we really could use a housekeeper - "

"Captain! Are you nuts!?" the white haired man growled. "This place is crazy enough without a girl around."

"I agree," said the green haired young man. "Girls are just distracting."

Nami cursed inwardly and tried to think of something else to convince them. "I can do more than cook and clean! I can make maps and - "

"MAPS!?" they all cried. The red haired man looked immensely pleased and smiled at his more surly companions. "There you have it. We need a person to make maps from our voyage data, and she's right here in front of us! All she asks for in return is room and board. Besides, maybe having a girl around would clear up those storm clouds on your faces."

If anything their storm clouds got darker, but Shanks ignored it and turned back to the girl. "It just so happens we are in need of both a housekeeper and a cartographer. As you might imagine a house full of bachelors isn't too clean, and unfortunately none of us are skilled in map making, which makes it a bit difficult on our voyages."

She blinked in surprise and said, "Voyages? Do you go out to sea often then?"

He smiled brilliantly and said, "Yep. We just so happen to be pirates. This cottage is our base of operations, so to speak."

Nami leaned back in fear and suspicion. "Pirates? You never mentioned that. I'm not sure I'll accept now."

"Oh no! Not that kind of pirate!" he exclaimed waving his hands. "It is true we go out and pillage, but we're not villains of any sort! We only attack other pirate ships and anybody we think is unfavorable! I can promise you that you will be absolutely safe in this house, and none of us will lay a finger on you."

Nami looked at him skeptically, but then the black haired boy shoved his face in front of her and cried, "It's true! We won't hurtcha! C'mon, let's be friends! Nakama!"

Nami's sensible side still wasn't sure, but the boy seemed just so sincere and straightforward that she couldn't help but smile. "Well, I suppose. It's like I said, I have nowhere else to go."

"WAHOOOO!!!" the boy yelled, as he started literally bouncing off the walls. While he continued to bounce Shanks cleared his throat and smiled again at the now thoroughly confused girl.

"You'll have to excuse my friend, he's a little hyper. Now, I haven't introduced my crew or myself yet. I am known as Red Haired Shanks, the captain of this motley little crew. This - " he pointed at the black haired boy who was still bouncing, "is Luffy, our resident hyperactive kid and my protégé. He's not quite normal, as you may have guessed. He ate a devil fruit in his past."

"Devil fruit?" Nami gasped. "One of those legendary fruits?"

"Yes. He ate the GomuGomu fruit, which gave him a rubber body. Hence why he's bouncing. And this -" he pointed at the white haired man with the scowl, "is Smoker, my first mate. Ignore his demeanor; he's a lot softer than you think. He too ate a devil fruit. The MokuMoku fruit, which gives him the ability to become smoke. Very useful in a fight."

"This," he indicated the reindeer who was clutching him fiercely, "is Chopper, our doctor. He used to be a reindeer, but he ate the HitoHito fruit, giving him the ability to turn into a human. Or, at least, a reindeer-human."

"That," he now pointed at the green haired young man who was holding three swords, "is Zoro, our swordsman. Would you believe that he actually uses all three of those swords at once? It's actually quite a sight. He's a lot nicer than he looks too."

"This fellow," he pointed to the young man with a ridiculously long nose, "is Usopp. He is our Sharpshooter, excellent aim. He also doubles as an engineer and repairman, and any little cleaning that gets done here is usually done by him."

"And last, but certainly not least, is Bon Clay," he said with a grand wave of his arm at the crazily dressed person. "I know he looks a bit weird, but there's no better okama in the universe! His official position is our spy, since his ManeMane fruit powers allow him to take different appearances."

Nami tried not to sway from side to side as she took all this in. The odd assortment of beds was starting to make a bit more sense. Could she have possibly fallen in with a weirder bunch of people? They were all grinning at receiving praise from their captain, although Smoker and Zoro still looked rather surly. Living here was going to be a challenge.

"Now then," Shanks said as he took off his straw hat and sat down on the edge of the bed with more familiarity. "We've told you who we are and what we do, now how about you? Anything you'd like to tell us?"

"Like WHY you have no place to return to." snapped Smoker as he inhaled on his two cigars.

Nami froze. "Wh-why?" This was bad. She couldn't tell them the truth; they'd try and use her to pillage the kingdom. But what would happen to her if they found out she lied?

Ch. 3 Owari.

**

Translation notes:

Kuso - shitty, damn

Chibi-Nasu - little eggplant, Zeff's nickname for Sanji

Jiji - slang for old man

GomuGomu - gumgum/rubberrubber

MokuMoku - PuffPuff

HitoHito - HumanHuman

ManeMane - CoppyCopy

Author's Note: Wow, sorry for the cliffhanger. But this chapter was getting too long anyway. I know Shanks might seem a bit OOC, but this isn't the normal One Piece scenario. I've written him slightly like Shigure from Fruits Basket, cause if OP were ever to do Fruits Basket, you know Shanks would be Shigure! I'll try and make him more Shanks like in the future, now that they've gotten the formal introductions taken care of.

What did you think of the crew assignments? Some are still the same, but I had to change a few. I think Smoker would be the best first mate for Shanks, since he's used to taking charge and bossing people around. The only position for Bon Clay that I could think of was spy, since that's what his powers are suited for. As for Luffy, he already is sort of like Shanks' protégé. I'll expand on him more later. I'll expand on all of the "dwarves", since I plan to give them each their own day with Nami.

As for the Devil fruits, I used the Japanese names for them, since some of their English translations sound odd.

Next time! Nami is forced with the decision of whether or not to reveal her past to her new friends, Alvida discovers that her plan didn't work, and the jaws of the trap known as arranged marriage start to close around Sanji.