Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? - Nerima Style! ❯ Chapter 1

This story contains scenes of explicit sex, naughty words, and other horrible, offensive things.  If you are underage in your house, village, town, city, community, state, province, country, or continent: READ NO FURTHER!  If that type of thing offends your tender sensibilities, or you are stupid: READ NO FURTHER!  All characters are the copyright of their respective creators and/or owners; no copyright infringement is intended by this story.  Any resemblance to people, places, or situations alive, dead, or otherwise is purely coincidental.

 

Before I begin this pornographic Ranma 1/2 story, I thought it best that I make a few things clear. I'm doing this now, rather than at the end of the story, for one main reason: The Ranma 1/2 characters and their various relationships seem to arouse a surprising amount of heated debate among people so I don't want there to be any surprises about what's coming. First and most importantly: This is not a `Ranma and Akane get together story' so don't be looking forward to that kind of ending.

 

I have read a few of the translated Ranma 1/2 manga and seen all of the seasons of the TV show, the movies, and the OAVs that have been released. Therefore, I'm well aware that despite their constant squabbling Ranma and Akane love each other and that the only realistic story would have to be with the two of them admitting it in some way. Let me repeat, I know this is true, but I'm not going to do it.

 

The main reason for this discrepancy is that I really dislike almost everything about the Akane character. Granted, she's not the only reason that the relationship between the two of them doesn't work out; Ranma too bears some responsibility. I do feel, however, that she's the main reason. In addition, as I mentioned above, I really don't like her personality, her looks, or almost anything else about her. She's inferior in every respect to all the rest of his fiancées (including Kodachi). Think about it, in cooking, fighting, attractiveness, and personality she's pretty much bringing up the rear. Thus, don't expect much of her in this story.

 

Of the rest of the main female characters I definitely have to say Shampoo is my favorite. She's the best-looking, probably the best fighter and generally the coolest, in my opinion. I like Ukyou, and Kodachi is at least amusing. As for the Tendo sisters, I like Nabiki a lot, she cracks me up, so don't be surprised if she plays a major part in this story.

 

Looking at the male side, the one character that actually surpasses my loathing of Akane is Ryouga. If there is a more despicable, hypocritical, whiny son of a bitch of a character that for some reason some people really like, I have yet to encounter them. Needless to say, you'll be seeing very little of this bastard. Mousse is generally pathetic, Kuno is good for some laughs, the fathers are somewhat annoying and Happosai is pretty funny.

 

Thus, looking at what I've just written above I hope it's clear that what is to follow is going to primarily focus on Ranma and his adventures with a bevy of beautiful babes, among whom you'll definitely not find that bitch Akane. There'll be plenty of m/f and f/f sex in various combinations, but absolutely no m/m. Sorry for those non-traditional male readers out there (or females for whom it's a turn on), but it's not something that attracts me so I'm not going to write about it.

 

Finally, I freely admit that one plot point in this story originally came from a story on the Media Miner site, whose title I think is Ranma Crossing Over to theWildSide by Shadowbakasama. I'll have more to say on this in my author's notes at the end of the sixth chapter as well as commenting on a few other matters I don't want to go into at the moment as it might reveal a bit too much of the story beforehand.

 

I guess that's more than enough prose on those points. On with the porn!

 

 

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner: Nerima Styleï¼

 

Chapter 1

 

Nerima, Tokyo, The Tendo House, Early Spring, Friday Evening

 

Nearly the entire Tendo household was gathered in the living room looking at the table with something close to the same appalled fascination that people have when they regard a massive car accident or train derailment that has resulted in a great loss of life and limb. Soun Tendo and his old training partner Genma Saotome were bug-eyed in terror, trying to slightly edge backward without looking like they were doing so. Their evil master, Happosai the most perverted man in Japan, had a sickly look to his wrinkled face and there were a number of large drops of perspiration slowly trickling down it. Nabiki and Kasumi Tendo were positioned at the edges of the room, their backs up against the wall as if to stay as far away from the horror on the table as possible.

 

The only other occupant of the room was Akane Tendo, her battle aura flaring wildly red about her and her dreaded mallet swinging free and easy in her hands. One would normally be looking for Ranma to somehow be involved in this scene, but a quick look upward would show a rather good outline of his body punched through the ceiling of the room and every intervening obstacle up until the roof of the house itself.

 

“Oh my,” Kasumi's soft voice finally broke the tension-filled silence. “Akane…”

 

“Come on, Sis!” Nabiki taunted a bit more recklessly. “You can't even make sashimi?!”

 

That reminder of what tortures lay before them caused everyone to unwillingly refocus their gaze back on the table. Sashimi, of course, is a traditional Japanese dish in which raw meat, generally of a fish, but also of some other animals, is served on a plate that often also has some seaweed and perhaps some kind of pickled vegetable. Usually the diner eats it dipped in soy sauce along with some wasabi paste. The platter in the middle of the Tendo's table, however, only bared passing resemblance to the normally artistic presentation the Japanese associated with the pleasures of eating sashimi. True, there was what looked basically like raw fish meat on the plate, but it seemed to have been hacked apart by an axe murder equipped with a spoon rather than the elegant, smooth slices one would expect. The decorative seaweed was tangled in odd clumps and for some strange reason looked to have been seasoned with mustard. There were no pickles, but instead chocolate mints had been included. Finally, the dipping sauce was a sickly orangish-red that was bubbling and glowing slightly.

 

“I can make sashimi or anything else just fine!!” Akane bellowed, ignoring the evidence in front of her and her whole family. “It's just that that stupid pervert Ranma is too freakish to appreciate it!”

 

“Well, Akane dear,” gently Kasumi reminded her. “I did tell you that I had never seen that kind of fish before. And that it seemed to smell a bit unusual.”

 

“Kami!” Nabiki's voice dropped, even the cold-hearted mercenary's soul struck with fear at the thought. “She even chose and bought the fish?!”

 

“Also, I've never heard of a fish monger working in that particular area,” Kasumi went on. “And the price seemed awfully low.”

 

“She got spoiled fish off of a black marketeer!” Genma wailed. “My son is doomed!!”

 

“WILL YOU ALL JUST SHUT UP!!!!” Akane's scream echoed through the stratosphere, causing a change in the DEFCON rating of US forces around the world until they realized the origin of the supposed sonic weapon. Having experienced that particular disturbance before, the alert was quickly canceled. Back in Japan, Akane's aura suddenly flickered away as did her mallet, disappearing into whatever sub-dimensional space she was able to summon it from. “Well, what's done is done. Would you like to try some, Daddy?”

 

Soun Tendo whimpered and scurried behind his fatter training partner as his youngest daughter offered her some of her latest attempt at cooking. Akane scowled, ready to launch into yet another victim, when she was suddenly interrupted.

 

“Akane, my dear,” Happosai's voice took on the usual avuncular tone he used when he was pretending to be a kind-hearted, grandfatherly figure.

 

“What do you want?” Akane asked suspiciously.

 

“Akane, we've all just seen Ranma collapse on the floor in painful fits after eating some of that…whatever it is. Do you honestly think any of us are going to even come close to touching that stuff after seeing that human vacuum cleaner nearly turn himself inside out trying to rid his body of it? Let's face it, my dear. You're the worst cook in the entire world. In fact, quite probably in the history of the entire world. Your panties, on the other hand, are quite nice. That being the case, why don't you-“

 

TTTTTHHHHHHHHWWWWWAAAAAAACCCCCKKKKKK!!!!

 

Everyone's heads snapped around to see the comet that used to be the greatest lecher in all Japan go streaking off into the darkening sky of the evening. Once again satellites and other sophisticated detection equipment immediately focused on the potential threat, but already alerted by the previous false alarm, technicians were quickly able to back track the origin of the missile and log it down as another ALO (Akane Launched Object).

 

“Why don't you eat it, Sis?” Nabiki suggested in the silence that followed the removal of the dwarfish master of the Founding School of Anything Goes Martial Arts.

 

Akane looked down at her plate in her hands, her mallet disappearing once again. “Well,” she finally replied. “If no one's going to eat it, I might as well just throw it away. I think it's a waste, though.”

 

“You could always eat it,” Nabiki pushed again, ignoring her pleading father who just wanted the foul concoction removed from his presence as soon as possible.

 

“I'll just toss it out and clean up the kitchen, all right, Kasumi?” Akane commented, continuing to ostentatiously ignore her older sister's dry suggestions while her face flushed bright red.

 

“Oh, no!” Kasumi deftly removed the platter from Akane's hands. “You've already done enough dam-…I mean, you've already worked hard enough for one evening. Please let me take care of everything.”

 

“Well, if you want to. But I'm willing to help if you want me to…”

 

“No! No, that's, Akane dear. Why don't you just run along and study or something.”

 

Nabiki smiled coolly as Akane went upstairs to her room while Kasumi left for the kitchen, shaking her head slightly and holding the platter in her hands as far away from her body as she possibly could. The middle Tendo daughter then looked up into the darkening sky through the two new holes the youngest had just blasted through the building. She had pretty good power on that one, Nabiki mused. And the angle was about perfect, too. I wonder if she broke her old record for distance with Ranma?

 

A Few Hours Later

 

Ranma staggered onto the roof of the Tendo house and collapsed face down, not even breaking his fall with his hands. Uncontrolled shivers and twitches seemed to be constantly running through the martial artist's body along with slight grunts of pain and distress. A sudden series of spasms caused the teen to flip over revealing a huge, swelling, purple lump that covered nearly one half of his face, caused by the business end of Akane's mallet. The normally good-looking boy's mouth was stretched wide in a rictus-like grin, evidently due to the great pain he was experiencing along with the cramps that were clearly growing in strength.

 

Suddenly Ranma's body arched like a bow at one particularly powerful spasm, the force enough to actually lift his body up off the roof and several inches into the air. When his body collapsed back onto the tiles, he fell with a peculiarly boneless finality, his blue eyes rolled back into his head and a gasping sigh escaping his lips as he spiraled into darkness. The scene remained still and quiet for several minutes; the cool, spring night breeze blowing over the young martial artist's motionless body on top of the Tendo house. Then a lighter sigh could barely be heard slipping past Ranma's lips and along with it a small, golden mote of light began drifting up from his body into the night sky above Japan. As that glowing pinprick disappeared among the stars that were beginning to pop into view overhead, the horrible, disfiguring bruise on his face also began to clear up. This left Ranma's pale, still body unmarked as night proceeded apace throughout Nerima.

 

Another Plane of Existence, At Some Point in the Temporal Stream That Some Might Designate as Being `After'the Previous Scenes (Although Many Would Argue That Such Terms Weren't Really Appropriate Due to the Effects of…Oh, Never Mind)

 

“Damn it!! Stop fucking squirming around!!!” These loud commands, along with the smacks, kicks and other assorted blows that accompanied them immediately caused Idun's head to jerk up. Seeing who had just entered the office and what that individual was dragging with them, she began to scowl. Being Chief Personal Assistant to the Supreme Being, Idun was used to having to deal with those who didn't quite… measure up to what she felt were the appropriate standards of behavior and decorum for this exalted office. Despite this, she had always prided herself on her ability to deal politely and calmly with all who might walk, fly, slither, or phase in. She did, however, have her standards.

 

“Sekhmet!” The tall, slender woman who had just walked in the door popped her head up at Idun's sharp tone. “How many times do I have to ask you not to bring your…work in with you?” The golden-haired personal assistant pointed one perfectly manicured fingernail at the large sack the other woman had drug in. At the moment it was basically still, although tremors from inside it did occasionally dent its tough fabric. In addition, its passage was marked by a number of trails of different…liquids. Some appeared to be blood, although of many different colors. Others were probably better characterized as slime or ichor. The rest defied any identification. “The last time you were in here it took several hours to clean up the mess! And the smell!” Idun shook her curly hair. “It lingered for at least a week! Now take whatever you've got in the sack and leave it in the hallway. Immediately.”

 

Before the raven-haired intruder to Idun's domain could reply there was a deafening roar and a massive lioness bulled its way into the room, forcing the double doors aside with a thunderous crash. Neither women appeared to be scared, however, Idun merely shaking her head in response to yet another annoyance while Sekhmet leaned over slightly to hug the tawny monster, ignoring its blood-stained muzzle as well as the way her animal companion pawed playfully at her sack, its razor sharp claws eliciting keening cries of agony from within the bag.

 

“Out! Now!” Sekhmet smiled at the other goddess's infuriated command and whispered in the lioness's ear. The huge cat gave her a swipe across the face with its dishrag-sized tongue and then used her paws to bat the bag and its screaming contents out of the room like a cat playing with a ball of yarn. The brunette goddess giggled at her friend's antics, but quickly sobered up when she noticed Idun's disapproving glare.

 

Of all the Mighty One's heavenly offspring, Idun thought with a mental sigh while Sekhmet approached her. This may be the one most in need of a makeover. Idun herself, of course, was clad and coiffed in the very epitome of celestial chic: golden ringlets of hair that were tidy, but disarranged enough to suggest an inner fire; her blouse and skirt were of the purest white silk, both solid enough to conceal what they should, yet sheer enough and cut in such a fashion to emphasize her literally divine body. In addition, tasteful gold jewelry worked in an apple motif graced her body in all the correct places.

 

Sekhmet on the other hand…Well, no one would deny she was extremely beautiful, although of a different type than that of the softer, more feminine Idun. Her midnight-black hair was woven into numerous small braids that were bound with red and turquoise beads while her slender body was tightly wrapped in dark crimson leather armor that left little of her deeply tanned skin exposed while simultaneously revealing all of her athletic curves. The young goddess's eyes were a fiery shade of amber and her hand never strayed far from the long, slightly curved sword strapped to her waist. The few extraneous pieces of decoration she wore, on her sword hilt and belt buckle for example, were worked in the shapes of lions. Watching her stride purposefully toward her in her knee-high leather boots, Idun thought as she always did when she saw her; Granted, War is one of her attributes, but…Really!!

 

Idun kept these feelings to herself, however, well aware of her own place in the cosmic scheme of things and sure that Sekhmet already knew what she thought of her. “Well, how can I be of service to you today?” Idun made a show of looking through the scroll placed on the large wooden table in front of her. “I don't believe you have an appointment…?”

 

Sekhmet answered this observation with a false, toothy smile. “No, I don't, Idun. But I need to see my Father for just a few minutes. I'm sure he can make time for me.”

 

“He probably could if he were here,” Idun replied with a smug grin. “Unfortunately he received a message from the Source just a little while ago and left on some kind of urgent business.” The blonde goddess's smirk turned to frown as her blue eyes glanced down at her scroll. “It's been rather a bother, to be honest with you. I had to cancel a meeting with Ares and he was quite put out about it. Of course, he's almost always angry anyway, but still…”

 

“That blowhard,” Sekhmet sniffed dismissively. They both might be concerned with War, but they had never seen eye-to-eye. “A message from the Source, huh? Something big?”

 

“I don't really know,” Idun sounded a bit aggrieved. “It was a direct message and the All-Father didn't say what it was about. Only that he'd be back as soon as he could.”

 

“A direct message from the Source, is it? It must be big then!” The rave-haired goddess was quiet for a few moments, then shrugged her shoulders. “Let Father know I was here, would you? And tell him I tracked down those mermaid flesh smugglers.”

 

“Ah, so that's who was in the sack?” At the other goddess's nodded confirmation, Idun gave a moue of disgust. “Those filth! I hope you were able to recover all of their…product.”

 

“Most of it, but not all. We might have to do a bit of monster-hunting, but it shouldn't be a big deal.”

 

Idun shuddered, such matters were far out of her prevue and she would never be able to understand how Sekhmet could accept them so easily. Fighting was so…Unmannerly! Not to mention dirty! “Well, I certainly pray that it won't cause much disturbance! Were you able to locate the originator?”

 

“I got pretty far up the food chain, but I think those scum are still holding out on me. But I think Taremu and I will be able to…convince them to speak up,” Sekhmet's green eyes glowed with excitement at the idea of dealing out some divine punishment with the aid of her pony-sized lioness companion.

 

Again Idun shook her head, but only asked, “Do you think the Infernals are involved?”

 

“Well, I don't have any proof, but I wouldn't be surprised.” Sekhmet scowled, “I wish Father would give me permission to attack them! A good purging is far past due!”

 

Idun sternly regarded the other goddess. “That is for the All Mighty to decide, not you or I. Whatever reasons he has for not exterminating the Infernals at once are not for us to question.”