Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? - Nerima Style! ❯ Chapter 2

This story contains scenes of explicit sex, naughty words, and other horrible, offensive things.  If you are underage in your house, village, town, city, community, state, province, country, or continent: READ NO FURTHER!  If that type of thing offends your tender sensibilities, or you are stupid: READ NO FURTHER!  All characters are the copyright of their respective creators and/or owners; no copyright infringement is intended by this story.  Any resemblance to people, places, or situations alive, dead, or otherwise is purely coincidental.

 

GuessWho's Coming to Dinner: Nerima Styleï¼

 

Chapter 2

 

On Yet Another Dimensional Plane

 

“We are dead! Dead!!” The plaintive cry rang throughout the warped space of this particular dimension; a realm which seemed to consist of an ever-swirling fog of grayish mist. Currently inhabiting this dull and lifeless domain were two over-sized Lay-Z-Boy recliners in which were seated two very different figures. On the left, the source of the just quoted lament, was a large muscular man clad in a white, gold-banded toga, which was belted about him with a gold cord. His hair was curly black as was his full beard, although both had slight streaks of grey in them. Around his head was a garland of oak leaves and his thick forearms were banded by bronze bracers that were carved with the images of lightning bolts.

 

His companion, on the other hand, looked in no way human. Massively huge, with four vicious horns sprouting out from his head and a deformed, bestial face his overly-long, muscular arms ended in eight-fingered hands equipped with deadly-looking black talons. The creature's lower body was a tangle of ichor-seeping tentacles and shimmering heat waves surrounded him. His skin was a ruddy red that was dotted with numerous protuberances and growths that looked like the remains of some horrible disease or cancer. “Stop whining!” This monster grated out in the sounds of a thousand tormented souls screaming for eternity; or that of any normal adult forced to watch C-Span for extended periods of time. “Have another drink. We'll figure something out!”

 

One of the creature's cruel appendages reached out to snag a bottle of Jack Daniels from the end table between the two and deftly poured a strong measure into the bearded man's glass before refilling his own glass. The two odd companions quickly downed their drinks, obviously not the first from the number of empty liquor bottles littering the area, and sat staring morosely into the featureless space surrounding them.

 

Zeus, the All-Father, the Supreme Being, the Mighty Lord of the Heavens, eventually broke the silence. “Let's face it. We're screwed.”

 

Beelzebub, Satan, the Bringer of Pain, Lord of Evil, scowled at his companion's statement, but he didn't refute it. Instead he refilled both their glasses and began sipping his. “All right we both got messages from the Source,” he began in his soul-destroying voice. “I have to admit the instructions are…unmistakable.”

 

The Lord of the Celestial Realm grunted in sour agreement. “Usually there's a little wiggle room…But this!”

 

“We could always…”

 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” The two Highest Gods scowled at one another, then downed their drinks again. “We'll have to tell them,” Zeus finally said.

 

“Shit.”

 

“Yeah. Shit.”

 

“Shall we…do it together?” The Lord of Damnation glanced hopefully at the other god.

 

“Yeah…That's not a bad idea, actually. They might take out some of their anger on one another if we do it that way.” Zeus and Beelzebub nodded together in confirmation of the wisdom of that idea. Then the two simultaneously bent forward to whisper into their cupped hands before releasing the summons into the surrounding ether. That done, they waited.

 

“Crap! We'd better clean this mess up before they…!” Zeus, Sovereign of Lightning quickly began gesturing, drained liquor bottles disappearing with each hand movement.

 

“Fuck!” The Dark Dragon quickly began assisting his most hated foe, the two finishing just before the feared arrival of…

 

“Zeus! Just what is it you want now!? Don't you know I'm busy?!” Those irate words accompanied the sudden appearance of a beautiful woman dressed in what looked like a modern charcoal-grey business suit, her chestnut hair bound up in a bun and round, wire-framed glasses perched on her nose. Before the Lord of Creation was forced to answer, another figure popped into view accompanied by an even stronger stream of invective.

 

“Damn it, Lucifer! You think I've got nothing better to do than come hopping around at every snap of your fingers?!! This better be pretty fucking important or I'm going to…!!!” The source of these comments was a gorgeous red-haired woman dressed in a very short, shimmering green dress that looked like it was intended for a night of clubbing.

 

Both newcomers suddenly stopped their complaints upon catching sight of one another. “YOU!!!” They both snarled out simultaneously before whirling on the two gods who were standing with downcast visages before them.

 

“Belit, honey, baby,” Zeus began soothingly as he approached his wife, only to be quickly silenced by her fierce glare.

 

Beelzebub had no more luck, “Erzulie! How good of you to come! I just-“

 

“Shut up!” Satan's Bride hissed. “Why did you call me here and what is… SHE doing here?!”

 

“That's my line, you whore!” Belit, the Mother of the Gods spat out. Before the catfight could begin in earnest, however, it was interrupted by the arrival of two more figures.

 

“Ah, Father! I've been wanting to talk with you! I've just-“ Sekhmet stopped short when she saw who else was in the dimension Zeus had summoned her to, especially the last one.

 

“Dad!! Why did you ask me to come here when you're dealing with such… unpleasant companions?! You know how much I hate being in the presence of Celestials. They're so…boring!” The last one to appear was a very voluptuous dark purple-haired succubus, her black-skinned, incredible body almost completely bare to view, the few scraps of fetishist clothing she wore only serving to enhance her immense sensuality. She snarled at Sekhmet, baring some vicious looking fangs and her bat-like wings flared out behind her as the goddess's hand began reaching for her sword.

 

“Stop, Daughter!” Zeus commanded his large hand covering Sekhmet's before she could bare steel, which would almost certainly result in a full-scale battle. “Rangda was summoned here just as I brought you. Use your senses! You know the compact that holds here!” The Father of the Gods released his hold on his daughter's hand as he felt her relax. The opposition between the Celestial and Infernal gods and goddesses was of course eternal. But eternity was a long time, even for immortals, and there was always needs for consultation, diplomacy, discussion, and even at times revelry between the two competing sides. Thus, such domains as they were now in had been created where no combat could take place between the two sides under pain of eternal banishment.

 

Imminent war headed off, the Rulers of the Celestial and Infernal Realms found themselves under verbal assault from their spouses and daughters. All four of the goddesses were soon badgering their Lords for answers to why they had been brought together and for what reason they had to endure one another's presence. Zeus and Beelzebub did their best to explain and simultaneously defend themselves, but it was a difficult task as they were continually interrupted by caustic comments from one goddess or another as well as trying to prevent any universe-shattering warfare from commencing. Eventually, however, they were able to choke out enough of an explanation to at least slightly quiet the powerful goddesses they had summoned.

 

“A direct message from the Source?” Belit questioned her husband. “But what about? And what is the connection with these…others?” That last comment was said snidely enough to raise eyebrows on the Infernal side, but they were interested enough in hearing the answer that the Queen and Princess of Evil didn't take offence. Yet.

 

“Well, the thing is, my dear…It seems…Uh, how best to put this?” Zeus looked helplessly at his opposite.

 

“It's like this,” Beelzebub put. “We have good news for our daughters.”

 

“Good news?” Sekhmet asked suspiciously.

 

“And just what might this wonderful news be, Oh Mighty Dark One?” Rangda asked sarcastically.

 

The Lords of Righteousness and Depravity looked at one another, nodded, then said simultaneously; “You're getting married! Congratulations, dear!!”

 

“WHAT!!!!!” The four goddesses' stunned, enraged reaction threatened to tear apart the fabric of the realm they all currently inhabited.

 

“It's a direct command from the Source, honey!” Zeus scrambled to defend himself.

 

“What he said!” Beelzebub echoed desperately.

 

“And just why, might I ask,” Belit, Mother of the Celestials put forward quietly, dangerously. “Just why would the Source make such a demand?”

 

“I'm normally disgusted to even inhabit the same multiverse as you,” Erzulie commented to her opposite. “But I have to admit I would like to hear the answer to that stupid bitch's question.”

 

The Mighty Gods of Light and Dark sweated nervously under the fierce regard of their wives and daughters before they began choking out a reply. “Well…do you remember that wedding a little while ago?” Zeus began.

 

“You know, the one between Kitsune-Tsuki and Braciaca?” Beelzebub expounded.

 

“Mmm,” Belit's expression was sour as she remembered the wild debauchery that had accompanied the festivities in celebration of the Japanese Fox Demoness/Goddess and the Beer God. Any joining between the Celestial and Infernal Realms was one that always seemed to spark particularly violent and exuberant parties, but given the nature and areas of expertise of those two it had been even worse than normal.

 

“Well, Lucifer and I were sharing a few cups…just a couple!” Zeus hastened to reassure his listeners.

 

“Didn't Dionysus spike the drinks that night?” Sekhmet asked with a frown.

 

“I think so,” Rangda agreed, the two goddesses' animosity forgotten for the moment in light of new developments as well as their attempts to remember the past. “And I'm pretty sure I-Ti put something in there too.”

 

“No wonder we can't remember much with those two adding their powers to the refreshments!”

 

“Well, it was one of their own getting hitched…”

 

“Right!” Zeus agreed with the two younger goddesses, eager to get himself off the hook. “So we'd had a wee bit to drink…”

 

“And were feeling pretty mellow…” Beelzebub went on.

 

“When suddenly we both got a prayer summons from the same guy!” Zeus shrugged. “Of course, normally we'd just have kind of ignored it, but, you know…”

 

“We wanted to share our happiness; so we checked out the request…”

 

“And it was what? Exactly what?” The beautiful Erzulie asked her monstrous husband, her eyes glowing with a red fire that promised quite a lot of pain if he wasn't truthful with her. And probably would deliver that pain no matter what he said.

 

“Well it was a man in Japan whose wife had recently given birth to a son,” The Dark Lord ground out between his forests of razor-sharp teeth. “He was praying at one of the older Shinto shrines; one that combined the Kami and Tengu; the Celestial and Infernal Realms.”

 

“Because of that, we both received his prayer,” Zeus explained helpfully.

 

“That's very interesting, dear,” Belit said so sweetly that her husband immediately winced, knowing he was going to get it later. “But you haven't actually said what that prayer was yet. Tell us. Now.”

 

Zeus and Beelzebub exchanged worried glances before the Most High took the plunge, “Well, basically…I mean, his prayer was that his child…”

 

“It was a son! Did we mention that?” Beelzebub interrupted desperately, obviously not looking forward to what was coming.

 

“Yes, Father. You did,” Rangda growled.

 

“Oh, I wasn't sure if we'd said so or not. So, you know…I just thought I'd-“

 

“Father?”

 

“Yes, precious?”

 

“Shut up.” The Daughter of Lust turned her vibrant eyes on the Celestial Lord. “Go on, Zeus. And don't leave anything out.”

 

“Nothing at all,” Sekhmet added, in rare agreement with her counterpart.

 

“Ah, yes…Well,” Zeus stumbled desperately for a few moments, but seeing no relief forthcoming from the infuriated stares of the goddesses he forced himself to go on. “The man was hoping, perhaps wishing or even begging might be a better term, that his son could…Uh, hmm…What were his words exactly? Something like…Well, it's been a while…”

 

“Dear…” Belit's voice trailed off dangerously.

 

“He begged that his son be taught the battling arts of the gods themselves!” Zeus began blurting out; speaking so fast his tongue was tripping over itself. “Skills and techniques only taught in the families of the Lords of Heaven and Hell themselves!”

 

“And you agreed to that?!” Belit and Erzulie asked simultaneously, disbelief clear in their voices.

 

“No!” “Of course not!” “How could you even suggest that?!” “I'm deeply hurt!!” “Don't you trust me, dear?!!”

 

The wives of the preeminent gods shared looks of disgust at their spouses' desperate denials before Erzulie finally cut them off. “Well, you idiots promised something, or we wouldn't be here. Now spit it out!”

 

This time it was Beelzebub who endeavored to explain things to the four goddesses. “Well, of course we weren't going to just simply agree to such a wild request. No matter how…mellow we were feeling. First we took a quick look at the son's spirit and we had to remark he certainly did have some potential there…”

 

“Yes, he did have the spark,” Zeus supplemented.

 

“No question about it.”

 

“As clear as day.”

 

“A definite possibility of future greatness.”

 

“A marked tendency toward-“

 

“OK! We get the idea!” Belit snapped. “So what happened next?”

 

“Well,” Zeus reluctantly admitted. “We…Merely as a joke you understand?! We…promised to marry our daughters to his son.”

 

“But only if the boy met certain requirements,” Beelzebub rushed to add in order to cut off the rising storm of the goddesses.

 

“Yes! Requirements!”

 

“Impossible requirements!!”

 

“Requirements that were beyond the reach of any mere mortal!!”

 

“Requirements that-“

 

“Requirements that got fulfilled, didn't they, Father?” Sekhmet's voice was shaking with fury and her knuckles were creaking with the force she was exerting in gripping her sword hilt.

 

Seeing the two gods' pained expressions, Rangda asked in a weak voice, “What did you ask that he do?”

 

“My requirement was that he destroy a god,” Beelzebub admitted.

 

“That moron Saffron was wiped out a couple of months ago, wasn't he?” Belit asked to the swirling nothingness around them before spinning toward her husband. “And what was your challenge? Dear.”

 

“I…I…Well, I required that the boy become immortal,” Zeus admitted as sweat poured off his forehead. “I mean, it seemed harmless enough…”

 

“I just rounded up some mermaid flesh dealers,” Sekhmet commented in a flat tone of voice. “But I couldn't find all the meat. And they were in Japan.”

 

“The same person who defeated Saffron must've eaten the mermaid flesh and survived,” Rangda observed. “Shit.”

 

“Double shit,” Sekhmet seconded.

 

“There's nothing we can do about it,” Zeus admitted. “The Source's message is clear. Our daughters must marry the boy before one year has passed.”

 

“Zeus?” Belit said after a moment's silence.

 

“Yes, Honey?”

 

“You'd better get used to sleeping on the couch.”

 

“Yes, Honey,” The Lord of the Heavens agreed with a sigh.

 

“That goes double for you,” Erzulie informed her husband.

 

“Yes, Dear,” The Tormentor of the Damned concurred quietly, his monstrous head downcast.

 

Silence dominated the tiny, neutral realm for a time, but it was finally broken by Belit's sigh. “Well, there's nothing for it. If it's a direct command from the Source, then it must be obeyed.”

 

“True,” Erzulie agreed sourly. “We might as well get this over with. I suggest we send a messenger to arrange a meeting with the boy and his family. We can all go together.”

 

“Very well, perhaps it would be better if we were to send someone from our side? Infernal agents can sometimes cause…disturbances. Given the nature of our meeting, I think it best that we avoid as many distractions as possible.”

 

“Agreed,” The Queen of Darkness turned to the All-Father. “You heard your wife. Get to it!”

 

“Yes, ma'am! Hermes!!”

 

A few seconds after that bellow echoed out, the handsome, fleet-footed Messenger God appeared. Given the number of odd missions he was sent on, he didn't even blink when he saw the strange combination of gods and goddesses awaiting him. Instead he immediately knelt at the foot of Zeus saying, “I have come as you have summoned me, Sovereign Mighty Lord. How may I be of service?”

 

“I need you to go to the Mortal Plane to arrange some matters for me,” Zeus replied in the deep, commanding voice he usually employed. Except when he was dealing with his wife, of course.

 

“As you desire, All-Father. What exactly do you wish me to do on the Middle Realm?”

 

“You are to arrange a meeting for us on this Sunday at noon,” Belit commanded after a quick look around to make sure the time was suitable for them.

 

This is getting interesting, Hermes thought. “Yes, My Queen. Who will it that you will be meeting?”

 

Belit looked to her husband, not yet having heard her future son-in-law's name yet. “One Ranma Saotome,” The Celestial Lord supplied immediately.

 

“Ranma Saotome?” Belit and Erzulie echoed simultaneously. The two Queens frowned in thought, the name evidently having struck a nerve for the two polar opposite Immortals.

 

“And his parents, Genma and Nodoka Saotome,” Zeus added after checking for that information in the message he had received from the Source. “What is it? What's wrong?” He asked sharply on seeing the extremely reliable Hermes wince.

 

“If I may, you Majesty? Is this family from Japan?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“The Nerima Ward of Tokyo?”

 

“Yes, that's right,” Zeus confirmed after a quick check of the note again. “Just what is the problem, Hermes?”

 

Crap! Disappointing or upsetting the Lord of the Heavens wasn't the best career move, so the Wing-Footed God decided to approach this matter cautiously. Very cautiously given the tension he could feel crackling among the four other inhabitants of the tiny dimensional pocket they were in. “I beg your forgiveness, Mighty Zeus. Please allow me to explain. As you know, I often undertake errands onto the Mortal Plane for many of the different gods and goddesses. In the past few years I've noticed that in Japan, in Tokyo in particular, things…don't seem to go as planned.”

 

“More details,” Beelzebub growled. “Just what are you talking about, Hermes?”

 

“Messages go awry, plans are mislaid, people who are supposed to meet never do, things that are childishly simple to anticipate, simply go wrong,” Hermes shrugged his shoulders. “I'm sorry, My Lords, but I don't know how else to explain it. As I said, it's something I've noticed for the last few years so recently I decided to look into it. I tracked it down to the Nerima Ward of Tokyo, and from there, with extreme difficulty I might add; I finally located what I believed to be the source of the disturbance, a mortal boy by the name of Ranma Saotome.”

 

“But how could this be?” Zeus asked. “No mere mortal should be able to have such effects on his surroundings!”

 

“Well, Father,” Sekhmet replied a bit sourly. “We already know he's not just a `mere mortal' given what he's already accomplished.”

 

What are they talking about? Hermes wondered as the All-Father grunted in unwilling acknowledgement of his daughter's point.

 

“Why don't we just look at his Lifepath?” Rangda asked with some asperity. “That should tell us quickly enough what we want to know.”

 

“Excellent point, Daughter,” Beelzebub approved, but frowned as he noticed Hermes shaking his head. “What's the matter, Messenger?”

 

“I'm afraid it's not that easy, Dread Lord. It's probably simpler for me to show you than explain; if I may?” Everyone nodded their heads in permission and Hermes gestured with his hands, producing the Lifepath of one Ranma Saotome to float before the assembled gods and goddesses.

 

Now the Lifepath of anyone is a complicated business. In its tangled length are contained not only hopes, desires, and experiences of the person themselves, but also the influences they receive and give to anyone they come into contact with. And the contact doesn't mean just friends, lovers, or family, but literally everyone. The man you cut off to get through a door first, the woman sitting across from you on the subway, the clerk you buy a cup of coffee from; all these and more have their presence noted on your Lifepath. Reading a Lifepath for any mortal is comparable to making a blind person sort and separate the contents of a yarn factory by color. From a mile away. By themselves.

 

Immortals, both Celestial and Infernal, of course have powers and abilities far surpassing any normal person so for them the task is normally just difficult and a bit time-consuming. Areas that the particular god or goddess are concerned with are easier to detect, but all of the other influences and effects can generally be sorted out given enough time and interest on the part of the Immortal. Normally. As the Lifepath of Ranma Saotome appeared in front of them, the four gods and goddesses who were seeing it for the first time all had the same thought. The first one to express it aloud was Rangda:

 

“What the FUCK is that?!”

 

The Lifepath floating in the pocket dimension was beyond anything they had ever seen before. The gods and goddesses approached it with shocked expressions trying to make heads or tails out of it. At their commands Hermes zoomed in, then he zoomed out. He focused on different sections, then switched to trying to see it as one single whole. The Celestials and Infernals forgot their bitter enmity as they puzzled over the tangled mess before them, doing their best to open up even a chink of understanding of it.

 

Time passed until finally Zeus blew out a thunderous breath, “This is damned impossible! Even for the Fa-“

 

Pop! Pop! Pop!

 

“You summoned us, Mighty Zeus?”

 

“-tes.” The Heavenly Father gave a sour look over at the three crones who were giggling evilly amongst themselves. “I hate it when you do that!”

 

“Yes, Sovereign King of Light. We know.” All three of the shriveled beings were so alike in appearance and sound that it was impossible for anyone to tell them apart. Sometimes it seemed to be true even for the Fates themselves. “But we knew you would need us as we know everything. Past,-“

 

“Present and future,” Beelzebub finished with a weary growl. “We know, we know. Everyone's heard it a million time. What we need now is for you to look at this Lifepath and tell us what you see.”

 

“A simple task for us,” A Fate sniffed. “After all, we are the controllers of Lifepaths.”

 

“We add them to the weave,” Another Fate added.

 

“We guide their paths along the tapestry,” The third Fate continued.

 

“And we snip them out when their time is done,” Finished the first Fate. “So let us see this Lifepath that baffles you Mighty Lords of Light and Darkness so.” The five gods and goddesses stepped aside and let the Fates pass to view the Lifepath under question. Then they waited for their view. And waited. And waited.

 

Finally, one of the Fates turned, her rough, dirty cloak of a hue of green so dark it was almost black swirling around with her agitation. “Whose Lifepath is this?”

 

The Immortals blinked, not expecting this question of the ones most capable of examining and divining Lifepaths. “It belongs to a mortal…Well, now Immortal, Ranma Saotome,” Zeus finally answered.

 

“Ranma Saotome?” The Fates questioned in unison. Upon receiving an affirmative answer, the three began muttering among themselves, a series of glowing globes, screens and intricate weaves popping up all around them. Occasionally one of the Fates would reach up with a gnarly, clawed finger to poke at a portion of their summoned items, only to be screeched down by her fellows. Eventually, they fell to arguing between one another.

 

“He is not on the list!”

 

“How is that possible?! All is on the list!”

 

“Give it to me!!” “He does not appear!!”

 

“Impossible! All is part of the tapestry and thus, answers to us!”

 

“We should cut him out!”

 

“But should we do that…The effects…!”

 

“Disaster!”

 

“Disaster!”

 

“Disaster!”

 

As the three Fates muttered, the gods and goddesses again closed around the Lifepath, pointing out different points that they found salient.

 

“Look here!” Sekhmet crowed. “Clearly the path of the warrior runs strong through his veins!”

 

“Ah, but cast your eyes upon this!” Rangda answered. “The pull of the flesh is strong! Lust holds him tight in its grasp!!”

 

“Marriage is his destiny,” Belit pointed out.

 

“Many marriages,” Erzulie added smugly. “Pain and torment accompany him everywhere.”

 

“Greatness lies at his feet,” Zeus observed.

 

“As does misrule and pride,” Beelzebub countered.

 

The Kings and Queens of the Cosmos along with two of their daughters thereupon entered into a heated dispute, accompanied by the Fates. It was an argument that only barely shied away from physical blows. Hermes, meanwhile, stayed quiet and watched, knowing that the tales of this scene would allow him to drink for free at many establishments in the Celestial and Infernal Realms for eons to come.

 

Eventually, however, the squabbles were brought to a close by the shouted cry of one of the Fates; “Hold! Look here!” The assembled Immortals gathered around the area that the Fate had drawn their attention to. “At his birth…There is something strange. An interference of some kind…”

 

Zeus's brow knitted over under the strength of his glare as he peered at the tangled weave before him. “If I didn't know better, I'd say that was…LOKI!!!!!!”

 

The other gods and goddesses stumbled away from the strength of that bellow, shielding their ears in a vain attempt to protect their hearing. A few minutes ticked by before there was a response to the summons, but then with a shimmering distortion of space a man appeared. Handsome and slender in appearance the brown-haired god was wet as if he had just come out of a swimming pool, but a hot tub might have been a better guess considering the dark red, velvet smoking jacket he was clad in.

 

“You hollered, Oh High and Mighty One?” Loki asked with a smirk and a sardonic bow toward Zeus. “And to be brought forth among such a collection of the greats. I am truly honored.”

 

“Shut up and look here,” The Celestial King commanded pointing toward the very beginning of Ranma Saotome's Lifepath. “Is this your influence or not?”

 

Loki sighed with annoyance but obediently peered at the area he was directed toward. And stared. And stared. “It does look kinda like mine,” He admitted, confusion clear in his voice. “But different. When is this?” The Trickster God looked about trying to find a point of reference in vain.

 

“About 17 years ago,” The Crusher of Hope supplied.

 

“Right about when Kitsune-Tsuki and Braciaca were wed,” Belit added.

 

“Ooh,” Loki shook his head. “That month or so is a bit foggy…” Seeing the raised eyebrows among the other gods and goddesses he added defensively; “Hey! It's not often one of us Tricksters get hitched! For some reason, nobody trusts us much! So when it happens…Well, we let go a little bit. Is that so wrong?!”

 

Zeus reached out with one massive fist and pulled the slight god up into his furious face. “You're going to tell me exactly what you did, and right now! If you lie to me, I'm going to make having to lie under a poisonous snake dripping its venom on your face seem like a Club Med vacation!! GOT IT?!?!?!!!”

 

“I got it, I got it!!” Loki reassured kicking free from the All-Father's strong grasp, sweat pouring off his face with the reminder of the last time he had been punished. “Just give me a few minutes!” Time slowly clicked by as Loki paced back and forth, muttering to himself and knuckling his brow in thought. Finally, though, he slowly began to nod his head. “Yeah…Yeah! I think I remember!”

 

“Well, tell us then!” Belit demanded, all of the other gods and goddesses also listening avidly.

 

“I think it was…Yes! It was me, Coyote, and…Puck! That's right he was there too!”

 

“And what were you three doing?” Sekhmet asked, a tremor of nervousness in her voice at the thought of those particular three Immortals working together.

 

“Well, we'd been hitting the sauce pretty hard for a while and we were trying to think up a good wedding gift for the happy couple. The one of us, I don't remember who,” He hurriedly added with a quick, frightened look toward the other gods and goddesses. “One of us suggested that we should, uh…Bless! Yes, bless, that's it! Bless a Japanese person with some of our…powers, you know since Kitsune-Tsuki is Japanese and all…”

 

“So you three idiots picked a new born baby to add your powers too?” Erzulie asked acidly.

 

“Well…that was the plan. But just as we had found a child and were about to do it, Sung-Chiang jumped out of nowhere dressed like…” Loki's eyes drifted over Zeus before they snapped away. “Someone, and scared the bejesus out of us.”

 

“Jesus was there?” Sekhmet asked in some surprise. “That doesn't sound like him!”

 

“Yeah,” Rangda agreed. “He's usually such a goody goody.” She frowned in thought, “Besides…Wasn't he at the reception most of the night? You know, doing that water to wine trick?”

 

“Yeah! I remember!” The young War Goddess seconded. “I remember because he usually always makes that crappy Galilee vintage…”

 

“Because it's what he was brought up on.”

 

“But this time he was making some really nice champagne!” Sekhmet and Rangda smiled in remembrance than froze as they noticed the disapproving glares of everyone else in that particular dimension. “What?!”

 

“It's just a figure of speech!” Loki spat out. “Anyway, when Sung-Chiang popped out we all kinda freaked and pumped a bit more into the kid then we had originally intended.” Loki smiled and looked at the Lifepath. “We all figured the little tyke would die in no time at all with so much of our influence in him! But just look at him!!”

 

The other Immortals sighed and shook their heads at the Trickster's proud observation of the tangled Life path, then turned their attention back to more important matters.

 

“May I speak, Most High?” Hermes asked Zeus. Upon receiving permission he proceeded. “I've never had to deal with this Ranma directly, but even his vaguest, most indirect influence causes…chaotic reactions in all plans. Thus, I'd recommend keeping your strategy as basic as possible. And even then, don't be surprised if disasters occur.”

 

“I had wanted to keep this just between his family and ours,” Belit sighed.

 

“I'll try if you wish it, My Queen,” The Traveling God reluctantly replied. “But I won't pretend it's a good idea.”

 

“The boy and his father appear to live together separate from the mother,” Erzulie put forth after a careful consideration of the intertwined threads. “Perhaps the best choice would be to simply invite the mother to come to the same household. There may be some extraneous people present that way, but…”

 

“But it's probably the best we can do,” The Marriage Goddess finished. “Very well then, that's what we'll do. Hermes, extend Mrs. Nodoka Saotome an invitation for lunch on this Sunday at noon. We'll just have to hope everything else will work out well enough. At the worst we can always wait.”

 

Hermes looked to his King, and upon receiving Zeus's nodded confirmation, disappeared from view, proceeding quickly to carry out his mission. The rest of the Immortals were quiet for a time until Beelzebub noticed Loki still staring at Ranma Saotome's Lifepath with rapt fascination, but somehow tinged with a slight melancholy. “And just what's your problem?” The Dark Lord snarled, thinking over his own difficulties.

 

“Well, it's like this, Great and Terrible One.” Loki paused in thought for a moment before continuing. “In every great artists' life there comes a time when they finish a work of art, look at it and know it's their Masterpiece. Nothing they can ever do in the future can ever compare to the perfection of what they have just created. What do they do then? How can they continue to work, knowing that everything from that point on will be second best?” The God of Chaos paused to allow those questions to sink into his audience. Then he gestured to the knotted, tangled, snarled weave of interlacing probabilities, possibilities, influences, and effects that was Ranma Saotome's Lifepath. “This is my Masterpiece,” He explained with a sigh. “I am in awe of its wonder, its magnificent beauty, but at the same time it makes me sad. Do you understand?”

 

The gods and goddesses were silent for a minute looking between the smallish god and the Lifepath he found so incredibly touching. Finally, it was Rangda who replied for all of them. “You're just crazy, aren't you?”

 

“Perhaps,” Loki nodded in acceptance. “Perhaps I am. But I still think I would like to just look upon this for a little while longer. If you'll excuse me.”

 

The other Immortals left, having numerous things to do and talk about before their meting with the Saotomes. The Fates left as well, still arguing amongst themselves about how this could've happened without their knowledge and what effect it would have on the Tapestry. Behind them they left a single god, enraptured by what the others could only see as a source of trouble.