Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? - Nerima Style! ❯ Chapter 5

This story contains scenes of explicit sex, naughty words, and other horrible, offensive things.  If you are underage in your house, village, town, city, community, state, province, country, or continent: READ NO FURTHER!  If that type of thing offends your tender sensibilities, or you are stupid: READ NO FURTHER!  All characters are the copyright of their respective creators and/or owners; no copyright infringement is intended by this story.  Any resemblance to people, places, or situations alive, dead, or otherwise is purely coincidental.

 

GuessWho's Coming to Dinner: Nerima Styleï¼

 

Chapter 5

 

Approximately One Hour After the End of the Previous Chapter

 

“All right mother,” Sekhmet regarded the other goddess suspiciously as they strode down the streets of Nerima. The two beautiful goddesses were drawing a lot of attention as they walked through town, particularly the War Goddess with her odd clothing and sword belted around her slender waist. A police officer did begin to take a step in their direction to ask her about that, but a single step was as far as he got before her amber eyes flashed him a look that froze him in his tracks. “Just what is it that you haven't told me?”

 

Belit looked at her daughter and answered her question with another one. “When you looked at Ranma's fighting skills on his Lifepath, did you notice anything…different?”

 

“Any number of things,” Sekhmet replied dryly. The two walked in silence for a few moments before she finally said, “The most peculiar point was that there seemed to be something a bit…familiar about some of the influences on his style. Particularly recently.” Her mother nodded her head, encouraging her to continue with that thought. “In fact, if he wasn't a man I would've said that he…” Sekhmet suddenly stopped dead. “But he does have that Jusenkyo curse, doesn't he? How in the world…?”

 

Belit frowned, shaking her head in frustration. “I'm not 100% sure, Daughter. If only his Lifepath wasn't so…Chaotic!” She waved that aside. “At any rate, you also may have noticed that his name struck me as familiar when your father first mentioned it.”

 

“Yes, I did, but I wanted to wait until you said something before I mentioned it.”

 

“And I wanted to be sure, before I said something, but…Well, given the circumstances this is the best we can hope for, for now.” Gesturing with her hand she pulled up a number of floating, glowing screens for her daughter to view as they walked along, ignoring the strange looks they got from other pedestrians. “As you can see, I've received a number of prayers and petitions about your future husband as the Queen Goddess, and Overseer of Marriages.”

 

“A lot of them,” Sekhmet agreed with awe.

 

“Yes, well…We'll go into the others later, but these are the ones that concern me now.” A simple finger movement highlighted the ones she wanted her daughter to focus on and the two goddesses walked the remaining distance to their destination in silence.

 

As they entered the door of the building they needed to visit, a bell jangled and an old, dry, but still strong female voice shouted from a back kitchen area, “Welcome! Please have a seat!” Then in a less kindly tone, “Mousse!! Get off your lazy backside!! We have customers!!”

 

The two goddesses had only taken a few steps into the dining area of the Neko Hanten when suddenly a black-haired teenager dressed in a long white, Chinese-style robe latched onto the curvaceous form of Belit, Queen of Heaven crying, “Oh, Shampoo!! I love you so much!! Please tell me you'll never leave me again, my heart!!”

 

Belit looked down at the boy hugging her tight, a cold expression on her face despite the fire burning in her eyes. “If you don't release me immediately, you dolt,” She said in a voice so cold that frost actually began to form on the windows of the over-heated restaurant. “I'll hurt you in ways that will ensure your fate will cause men to tremble from now until the end of days!”

 

Mousse released the goddess so quickly it was as if he had burnt himself, and from the way he was rubbing his numb fingers, that might not be too far from the truth, if one included freezer burn in that category. “Mousse!” The same voice the two goddesses had fist heard inside the restaurant sounded again, this time its source also being revealed as a short, elderly woman with long white hair entered the room, hopping on a wooden cane. “Are you bothering the customers again?! You-!” Whatever Cologne was going to say to further berate her help was cut off when she saw just who her two customers were. With sight beyond that available to normal humans, the Amazon Elder was immediately able to tell that the two were far beyond what they appeared, and within a few seconds with her great knowledge of the secret traditions and histories of the Chinese Amazons, she was able to place them exactly.

 

Falling to the ground Cologne bowed low in complete abasement before the two goddesses, “Great and powerful Nu-Kua, you do too much honor to this poor establishment.” Cologne spoke in the ancient dialect of Chinese used in her homeland, ignoring Mousse's shocked expression at her behavior. “My family and I are, as has always been true, yours to command from now until the end of time. How may we serve you?”

 

“Arise, Elder,” Belit commanded, speaking faultlessly in the same dialect as the Amazon. “And send the male away. We have matters to discuss.” Belit sat down at a nearby table, quickly joined by her daughter.

 

“Mousse!” Cologne snapped, every millimeter the commanding presence she normally was. “Got to the kitchen and don't come out until I tell you to or I'll make you wish you had never been born!” As the duck-challenged boy scurried off with his tail between his legs the ancient woman joined the two goddesses at the table after another bow of respect to them both.

 

“First, Elder,” Belit began the conversation. “Let me introduce my daughter, Sekhmet. Daughter, this is Cologne, Elder of the Joketsuzoku Amazons.”

 

“I greet you with honor, Elder,” Sekhmet greeted formally with a bow. “Perhaps you might know me better by my Chinese title of Xiu Wenyin.”

 

“It is I that am honored High Ones. Never did I expect to have the chance to personally meet any of the Celestial Ones, but now two of you have deigned to appear before me. And for it to be the ones most esteemed by my sisters and I…Indeed this is beyond what I deserve.” Cologne bowed again. “But I doubt you came here merely to listen to an old woman ramble. If there is anyway I can aid you, you need but ask, My Queen.”

 

Belit nodded her head graciously in recognition of the Amazon's respect and offer. She decided to approach the topic a bit obliquely. “As the patron of the Amazons I receive numerous prayers and petitions from your people, Elder,” The Lady of Light smiled slightly. “Of course most of these matters are trivial things; matters that can best be dealt with by the people concerned themselves. In the past year, however, I've noticed a number of petitions all dealing with the same individual: one Ranma Saotome.” Belit felt her daughter's eyes slide over to her, but Sekhmet said nothing as her mother continued speaking. “Perhaps you can tell me more about this person.”

 

Cologne blinked in surprise, not sure where this was going, but she immediately complied with the goddess's wish. She shortly informed Belit about how Ranma first encountered the Amazon tribe slightly over a year previously by defeating their champion Shampoo in single combat. How Shampoo, in accordance with Amazon custom had sworn to hunt down her conqueror only for it eventually to be revealed that the female who had beaten her was actually male. From that point her great granddaughter, again following Amazon traditions, had done her best to marry the boy, only to come up short at every turn. Cologne then related under close questioning by Belit and Sekhmet her various training experiences with Ranma along with his battle with Saffron.

 

When the Elder had finished her tale there was silence for a time. Then Belit asked, “Elder, what would you say Ranma's weaknesses are?”

 

“First is his pride,” Cologne answered without a pause. “He can't stand being thought of as second best in anything and is easily manipulated by others due to this. Second, and tied in with the first, is his emotional immaturity. Not surprisingly given his upbringing, he is unsure how to deal with people outside of the battlefield. He has little discipline in controlling his emotions and is unsure of how to deal with others in non-combat situations. Finally, and also connected to his lack of emotional experience, is his incapacity of dealing with women. He had little exposure to them growing up and his idiot father constantly stressed that they were weak and a mere distraction for real martial artists. Thus, he is unable to truly fight or directly handle women, which allows them to push him around with ease.”

 

“I see,” Belit replied after a moment's thought. “And his strengths?”

 

“His biggest strong point is his strength of will; he simply never gives up. At times it descends into pigheaded stubbornness, but I have to admit his fire to succeed has seen him through situations I thought he had absolutely no chance of surviving let alone winning. Second would be his physical skills; in martial arts, of course, but also anything related to the physical plane. And it's not simply a matter of having been highly trained since he was young. I'm constantly amazed by the way he can learn a skill in a matter of days that would take even the best of marital artists months or years. It is truly difficult to keep ahead of him in a purely physical sense, which is why so many of his opponents need to manipulate his emotions and sense of loyalty. One of his final favorable areas I would say is his pure soul. Of course, he's no saint, he like any human being will bend the truth, try to get out of difficult situations and so forth, but when it comes down to it, his strength of loyalty and honor, his faithfulness to others, and his rejection of life's dark areas are truly remarkable. Especially considering who and what his father is.”

 

Belit ruminated over that for a few moments and then asked, “That last point interests me, Elder Cologne. Could you give me an example?”

 

“An example? Hmmm…Well, there is another boy, his name is Ryouga Hibiki.”

 

“Yes, we saw him at the Tendo residence,” Sekhmet noted. “He suffers from a Jusenkyo curse as well, doesn't he? One that turns him into a little black pig?”

 

“Yes, that's right,” Cologne confirmed. “That boy happens to be one of Ranma's biggest rivals. He has been attacking Ranma since they were in junior high school together and Ryouga blames Ranma for the fact that he was cursed. In addition, Ryouga is also a rival for the youngest Tendo daughter's affections. Akane is her name.” The two goddesses nodded their heads in recognition of the violent teen they had seen get removed from her position as Ranma's fiancée. “Well, Ranma knows of Ryouga's curse and could easily tell Akane about it, which would certainly ruin any chance the poor sap had with the girl, but because he made a promise to his enemy, Ranma won't do it. Despite this, Ryouga constantly uses his position as Akane's pet to attack and poison ruin any relationship between the other two. Yet Ranma still says nothing.”

 

“I see.” Again Belit was silent. “And what are Shampoo's feelings toward Ranma?” She held up her hand to silence the Amazon Elder before she could respond. “And I want the truth, not an answer in keeping with Amazon traditions. Just the full, complete truth.”

 

Cologne nodded her head in acceptance and was quiet for a few minutes before she responded. “I think that in this case I can be both honest and in keeping with Amazon culture. At first Shampoo only chased after the Son-in-law because of our laws, but now I truly believe that she loves him. She would do anything for him or to win him.” The ancient woman spoke with the sincerity of complete conviction.

 

“Very well, when will your great granddaughter return?” Belit asked as she swiftly swept the Chinese restaurant with her senses. “I assume she's not here?”

 

“No, she went to deliver some food; she should be back in a few minutes. Would you like me to get some refreshments while we wait for her, Most High?” At the goddess's silent nod of acceptance Cologne hopped toward the back to make some tea and prepare snacks for her exalted guests.

 

<Shit!>

 

<What is it, Mother?> Sekhmet looked at the other goddess in some surprise at her expletive. The two had nothing to fear about being overheard as they spoke the Divine Language.

 

<That Saotome boy's chaotic effect is even worse than I expected!> Belit sighed to her daughter. <By my calculations Shampoo should have been here waiting for us and we could have taken care of anything all at once, but now…We'll have to waste time waiting when there are so many other things to do before dawn!>

 

<We can't even accurately predict whether someone will be at home or not!?> The Lady of Slaughter wondered with some concern.

 

<Yes, it's something to keep in mind during your stay here. As Hermes recommended; keep any plans you might make as short and simple as possible and still be ready for them to blow up in your face.>

 

<Yes, Mother.>

 

“Great Grandmother! I'm back!” Shampoo called out loudly in Chinese as she knocked the Cat Café's door open with a jangle of the bells above it. Noticing they had customers she nodded and smiled politely at them as she walked past, planning to return her empty delivery container to the back room. Just as she reached the table where the two goddesses were carefully looking over the blue-haired Amazon, Cologne and Mousse emerged from the kitchen area. The former was carrying a few platters filled with food and the latter a steaming tea pot and cups for their guests.

 

When he heard his beloved's cry, however, the duck-boy dropped his burdens and dove forward to hug Shampoo. “My love!! Marry me!!” Mousse begged pitifully as he held Sekhmet tightly about her waist.

 

While her mother caught the falling tea pot and cups and began bringing them floating toward their table, the War Goddess looked down at the teenager nuzzling her breasts while he bleated his love for another girl. A nerve started twitching on her temple.

 

SMACK!

 

Sching!

 

Mousse rebounded hard off the wall from the crushing blow that had sent him crashing into it, but quickly found himself pinned up against it again due to the razor sharp blade he felt poking into his neck. Ever so slowly it began to edge upward, dragging a light line up his neck and around his face, leaving a slight trickle of blood behind it. As she expertly moved her sword along the shivering boy's face, Sekhmet explained a few things to him. “If you ever so much as even think of touching me again, I'll filet you, stuff your ugly skin with dog shit and send it back to your mother. Do you understand me, moron?”

 

Mousse tried to nod his head in confirmation, but as the goddess didn't let up her pressure on her sword, he only managed in digging a deeper gash in his forehead. Finally he managed to gasp out, “I understand! I understand!”

 

“Excellent. Now I suggest that you wear your glasses from now on, you imbecile. I'd hate to have to…talk with you again. And I assure you, you'll hate it too. At least for a while.” Her point made Sekhmet carefully wiped the bloody tip of her blade on his white clothing before sheathing it in one expert move. She then regained her seat by her mother's side.

 

Shampoo watched all this action with wide, violet eyes. “Who are these strange customers, Great Grandmother?” She asked as she saw the teapot, still floating magically in the air pour out four hot cups of tea while Mousse fled the room as if all of the demons of hell were after him.

 

Cologne's breath caught at Shampoo's innocent question and she bopped the teenage girl in the head with her cane. “Show some respect, Shampoo! Open your eyes and look at who our guests are! We have been honored by the presence of our tribe's greatest protectors, the great goddesses Nu-Kua and Xiu Wenyin!”

 

Eyes wide at her Elder's announcement, Shampoo quickly knelt in submissive respect. “I apologize for my foolishness, Great Ones!”

 

“Do not be concerned, my child,” Belit replied comfortingly. “Please, everyone. Have a seat and we can enjoy these delicious snacks as we talk together.” The two Amazons joined the goddesses at the table, but were only able to eat and drink a little due to their nervousness. After a short time, the Celestial Queen turned her eyes on the youngest person at the table. “Shampoo, what are your feelings for Ranma Saotome? And, please be honest, child.”

 

Shampoo blinked slightly in surprise at the question, but after Cologne sharply nudged her in her side she quickly answered. “I love him very much, Most High.”

 

“And why is that? Is it because that is what is expected and required of you, or is there some…deeper source of your feelings?”

 

“Of course, at first it was only because of the rules,” The young Amazon admitted candidly. “But over time I came to know him more and now I truly love him. Heart and soul!”

 

“I see,” Belit sipped her tea and then asked. “So would you be angry if you heard he had acquired another fiancée?”

 

“Aiyaa! Not another one!”

 

“That worthless Genma!” Cologne seconded her great granddaughter's anger and frustration. “Just how many times did he sell off that boy anyway?”

 

The Queen of the Heavens looked at a glowing globe that popped into view before her, “Quite a few times, according to my information. This time, however, I have to admit he isn't fully to blame.”

 

“He isn't?” Both Amazons were shocked by this news.

 

“No. Let me explain.” Shampoo and Cologne thereupon sat quietly except for a few exclamations of surprise as Belit related what had occurred earlier that same day at the Tendo house.

 

When she finished Shampoo looked over at Sekhmet and bowed deeply to her, her voice steady despite the tears in her eyes. “Of course I give up my claim in your place, Honored Xiu Wenyin. I will return to Joketsuzoku immediately.”

 

“No, do not say that, Shampoo,” Sekhmet said gently, reaching over to lift up the Amazon's chin so they could look at one another eye-to-eye. “I'm not one to steal another's love. Ranma and I must be wed, but I swear on my honor that on the day he marries me, he will also marry you.” At that, Shampoo burst out in tears as her emotions overwhelmed her, only to be held in the comforting arms of the War Goddess.

 

While her daughter held the sobbing teenager close, Belit turned to Cologne. “Elder, do you know of a young woman named Ukyou Kuonji?”

 

“Yes, High One,” Cologne admitted. “She is another of Ranma's fiancées, promised to him when they were both children and he didn't even know she was a girl.”

 

“Yes, I see,” Belit's eyes flicked over her glowing screen of information on Ranma's various wedding ties. “What is your opinion of her? Is she a…worthy match?”

 

Cologne frowned uncomfortably. For so long she had been working and maneuvering to get rid of the other rivals and have Ranma marry Shampoo as was proper, but now…Of course, all that was out the window with recent events. So…It was a little strange, but… “Yes, Mighty Nu-Kua. She is a strong woman, one I would be proud to call an Amazon. She has a slightly…unusual approach to battle, but it is undeniably effective.” The she asked tentatively, “If it isn't too impertinent, may I ask why you are interested in Ukyou, High One?” By this time, Shampoo had gotten her emotions back under control and although her red-tinged eyes showed the effect of her crying, she listened attentively to the Celestial Queen's answer.

 

“As I just said, this marriage is one that not only combines mortals and immortals, but also the Celestial and Infernal Realms.” Belit tapped one perfect fingernail on her lower lip as she continued thoughtfully. “Erzulie, or Yaoji as she would be better known to you both, also seemed familiar with Ranma's name and I'm certain she's busy recruiting help for her slut of a daughter even as we speak.”

 

Sekhmet sourly grunted in confirmation of her mother's assessment of their opponents and took over the train of the conversation. “Despite the fact that Tap-Tun's skills primarily lie in…other areas, I have to admit she is skilled in the combat techniques of the Infernals, as well. She doesn't like head-on confrontation, though. She'll be training others along with her required classes for Ranma and she'll undoubtedly bring them into more…intimate encounters with him. We need to be prepared for that. Which is why I'll be including Shampoo and some others in my training sessions with Ranma as well. We need to create a balance between the two sides, so it's better that we have people who are already strongly attached to him and won't betray him. Or us.”

 

Shampoo frowned as her feelings conflicted over these statements. On the one hand she was beyond thrilled and excited that she would get to marry Ranma and at the same time receive training in martial arts skills only know to the gods! But on the other hand, she was going to have to share Ranma, not only with her rivals like Ukyou, but also some damned lust-filled succubus! The Amazon didn't like the sound of that at all.

 

While her great granddaughter mulled matters over, Cologne asked with a sigh, “I suppose the Tendo girl will also be included in this?” This caused Shampoo's frown to grow even deeper, but it was quickly alleviated.

 

“Do you mean Akane Tendo?” When the Amazon Elder nodded, Belit shook her head in denial. “No. Ranma's mother, who seems like a rather sensible woman in my view, canceled the engagement while we were there after the girl's violent reaction to our news. She said it was all right if the Tendos chose either Nabiki or Kasumi as Ranma's bride, but Akane was no longer a possibility.” The Overseer of Marriages paused for a moment's thought. “It didn't seem like either of those two would be able to get much out of the training my daughter will be conducting, and that Akane girl is too unstable. So, we'll leave them out of it for now. Instead, I'd like you to have a look at this list of Amazons,” A sheet of paper with a neat column of names appeared in her hand. “These are the ones who have sent prayers of a…positive nature about Ranma. Elder, Shampoo, I want you to go through them and let me know which ones you think would best fit into our current situation. They need to have combat skills, of course, but an emotional connection with Ranma would also be of great help.”

 

“How many should we choose, High One?” Cologne asked as she pulled the piece of paper over so that she and her great granddaughter could read it.

 

“Around two or so,” Sekhmet answered. “That should be sufficient. We'll go visit this Ukyou Kuonji after we finish here.” She looked at Shampoo. “Would you be willing to go with us? I know this is difficult for you, but it'd be better if we start getting used to working together as soon as possible.”

 

“Of course, Great Xiu Wenyin.” The Amazon replied immediately.

 

The goddess smiled at the teenager's politeness. “Shampoo, we're going to be married to the same man. Why don't you just call me, Sekhmet? It's the name I'm most comfortable with.” Shampoo smiled shyly in return and then the two mortals and two goddesses bent over the piece of paper before them, searching out yet more matches for one Ranma Saotome.