Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Third Labor (Forward to the past) ❯ Beach Bunny Bingo ( Chapter 19 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Third Labor, chapter 19
"Beach Bunny Bingo?"

Disclaimer: Yu Yu Hakusho is by Yoshihiro Togashi, Sailor Moon is by Naoko Takeuchi, oh and those two just had a baby boy. Wonder if the kid'll take up the family trade...
other stuff by Gregg Sharp, metroanime@mindspring.com
additional scenes by White Pheonix
you can find previous chapters at www.fanfiction.net

"He who fears he shall suffer, already suffers what he fears." -Montaigne


--------

To understand what was going on in a certain room of the Tendo house one must understand what *had* happened.

Jared had made a simple mistake, using one of the psuedo-pokeballs Rafael (the archangel, not the mutant ninja turtle) had created he had captured Nabiki to get her out of the bathroom as he didn't particularly enjoy being spied on.

Akane (at that time Grey) had used a ritual casting of Remove Curse to remove the Catfist from Ranma. No more cat phobia. No more Catfist. And a few related psychological problems also could be resolved on the part of one Ranma Saotome.

The cat spirit part of the Catfist ended up captured with Nabiki and the two merged, forming a composite being. Enter Nabiki the catgirl, who adapted to her condition fairly quickly as it was apparent that it *could* be cured, but once cured could never be reinstated. She quickly found that leaping small buildings and feeling more alive than ever was addictive and she had been putting off her return to normal into a category called "eventually". After all, it was amazingly comfortable, she wasn't exactly helpless with the Catfist and she was discovering all sorts of things besides money could be enjoyable. Why cut it all short when there were discoveries and pleasures still waiting for her to find them?

It didn't help that her body wasn't the only thing catty about her. The two natures had quickly merged, producing behavior that hearkened straight to a feline nature.

Nabiki had, prior to the change, been concerned with her emergent image as the ironhearted mercenary, the cold ice queen, the evil money-grubbing witch of Furinkan. The revelation that most of her own family had taken her mask for herself had caused her to forcibly distance herself from her usual pursuits. Then, after the change, she couldn't believe that she'd ever been that petty or blind. Shaking down mousies for money was fine, but one had to have priorities and goals and not confusing the means with the goal.

The catgirl had recently gotten very cuddlesome with her new iinazuke, the boy Ranma. Some speculated that it was the cat spirit, having been a part of Ranma for so long, was naturally attracted to its old host. She had, in the manner of a cat, viewed the two major rivals to her tom as actually being lesser members of the pride. She had, as far as Nabiki was concerned, chosen her Alpha male. The two other females might challenge her position, but their strength strengthened the pride - therefore these two were acceptable as their own abilities made the pride more valuable.

In an effort to get Ranma to "loosen up" with Nabiki, Genma had come up with the incredibly clever (in his own mind at least) idea of sprinkling catnip on Ranma's boxer shorts and stuffing a roll of it in the seam. This, he felt, would cement the Tendo-Saotome alliance.

Ukyo and Shampoo, hearing *their* Ranma being attacked by that weird catgirl, attempted to intervene.

With Nabiki stoned out of her mind from a catnip overdose, her control over something else was lacking. Felines did something else that humans did not. Something of a monthly nature.

"Hey! Those are my pants! Put them down Nabiki!"

"Aiyah! Crazy catgirl no make off with airen's... hmmm."

"Hmmmm."

"WOULD YOU TWO STOP STARING! Nabiki's on catnip but she's acting even weirder than usual. Maybe if we... uh oh she's getting ready to do something."

"Stupid catgirl miss Shampoo! Oh. That Shampoo's best pantsuit you no take!"

"What's she doing?!"

"Shampoo say she take off spatula girl's breast bindings, top, and spatula. Now out window with Shampoo's and Airen's clothes. Shampoo will get revenge!"

"Uh oh, Ranchan, I don't like the look in her eyes."

"Shampoo see that look in Mousse's eyes once. Shampoo say 'uh oh' too!"

"No, Nabiki. Don't! Lemmee go! Stop rubbing your face on my..."

"Catgirl stop... AHHH! Shampoo not mean you grab Shampoo! Catgirl is pervert girl! Get off Shampoo!"

"Let's get out of here, Ranchan, while Shampoo keeps her... uh oh. Nice kitty! Nice kitty! No! Nice kitties don't do that!"

Jared, out on a date with Kasumi, felt a chill but didn't otherwise react. He had more pressing concerns.

Besides, Ranma could handle it.

-------

Very Very Elsewhere:

"'Pika pi'!" ("Where the hell am I now?!") "Pi ika!" (Sorry, couldn't resist.)

Kiyone looked down at the palm display. "How am *I* supposed to know?"

"Pi pika pi pikachu." Ed sighed, resulting in a little mushroom puff of air. (Isn't this sort of thing only supposed to happen to Grey?)

"Could be worse," Kiyone said, then clapped a hand over her mouth.

"Kiiiiyoneeeee!" A blonde appeared at the far end of the street and began moving at high speeds towards them.

"AAAA!" Kiyone summed up her opinion and started working the D-Hopper at high speeds. "Nonononono! No Mihoshi. Mihoshi bad. I'll get an ulcer before I turn thirty."

Ed nodded. Kiyone + Mihoshi = a sort of Junior Dirty Pair. Property values plummeted.

"Kiiiiyoonneeee!" Mihoshi leapt.

Kiyone and Ed vanished.

*WHAM!*

Mihoshi did a full speed, one point (her nose) landing on some boy.

Ryoga looked up, saw the blonde girl straddling him like an oil rig, and particularly at the two flotation devices framing his face.

*SPLURT!* *THUD!*

Mihoshi saw the nosebleed and faint and came to an incorrect if understandable conclusion. "Oh no! I've hurt some poor Earthperson! What do I do? What do I do?"

After a few minutes of repeating this, she had an idea. Take him to the Yagami and have her ship's medical scanners work on him!

How she ended up launching the Yagami was another question.

Ryoga, finding himself in deep space with a perky blonde spacebunny, figured he'd try flying it back to Earth while the spacebunny spent a lot of time fretting. How hard could it be, anyway?

--------

Elsewhere

Jared had split himself into three versions, mainly trying to get a lot done at the same time. Right now one was staying at the Tendo home. Another was trying to clear his mind of a sordid maze of problems he had just left. Also to resume where he'd left off.

"Well, at least it's a beach this time." Mina bounced over to the sands and spiked her tent in the ground. They'd use it for shade and a place to relax later.

Amy, Helen and Lita ran over to join her, spreading out blankets and putting away food baskets where they would stay cool.

Michelle kissed her ring and was surrounded by waves of water suspended in rings around her. With a laugh she flew over to the sea and disappeared underwater, then returned a moment later with a huge and ornate shell. "The water's fine. Safe from all predators and swimmable, at least. Look at this shell!"

The Pheonix Mage grudgingly admitted that this was, in all probability, superior to any beach on California they'd find. Unless they hit one a rough thousand years before the tourist seasons began.

As half the girls were already swimming, splashing, searching out sea shells or other ocean treasures, the volleyball courts were already drawn and the refreshments started, the Mage decided it wasn't worth relocating and went out to join in the fun.

Susan was the first to notice the shooting star. "Shampoo, your Scout realm is Air. Do we have any meteorlogical dangers here?"

The perky, purple-haired Amazon touched an earring and a visor spread over her face as she began scanning. "Is no meteor. Is spaceship."

Cologne, who was suntanning nearby, winced. "Shampoo, *must* you?"

Shampoo giggled. "I'm sorry, but it's so *fun* to speak like that sometimes."

The Pheonix mage ran by, pursued by a dozen girls bearing tickling instruments and feathers. Shampoo blinked. "What? The 'Tickle Husband' contest has already begun? Excuse me." She vanished in a puff of purple hair and a flash of feet.

Shan floated down beside Cologne and Susan, gripping her power key staff in one hand while she munched on a gooey fritter stick with the other. Like all the girls, her swimsuit was flattering, elaborate and beautiful, and gave the impression of being far less decent than it actually was.

"Shan," Susan asked. "Is that falling spaceship going to hit us?"

The Ifurita class cyborg looked up at the falling star, so bright and close that it was visible in the daylight. Tossing the last of the fritter stick in her mouth, she sucked off the goo from her fingers and leveled the power staff. A bolt of light spat out and met the oncoming meteor. When the two met and touched they expanded into a falling cloud of debris.

"It not danger now!" Shan chirped as she sped off for seconds.

"Oh my." Chorused the Tendo Twins, Kasumi and Nabiki, and they paused in coming up bearing
an ice chest between them.

Susan fought the urge to giggle. ~Trust Shan to...~ "Sailors Gemini, we should go check for survivors."

Cologne raised up on her arms, then reached back to fasten her top from where she'd opened it to receive more of this sun's rays, still delighting in her newfound youth. "I'll come too."

Scarlet ran up. "Hey! Can I come too?" Then her hands found their way to her hips and she berated the two other Tendos. "Kasumi, Nabiki, you don't have to shudder *every* time I come along, you know."

Cologne was chuckling. "Well, ever since that other Akane began disguising herself as you to steal our underwear..."

"That pervert swings BOTH ways?!!" Scarlet shuddered. "Ugh. No, I take that back, shudder all you want." She then went on muttering about what she was going to do to that perverted hedonist the next time they caught her.

Susan directed a look to the young elder. "Akane doesn't steal girls underwear. She's only interested in doing perverted things to Jay-chan."

"The way that 'Slashing and Burning' can be compared to bringing home firewood." Kasumi whispered aside to her sisters.

Scarlet ceased muttering to listen.

Cologne pulled a pair of silk boxers with a pheonix embroidered on them out from nowhere. "I didn't say she stole the underwear we *wear*. Only that it was ours."

The Tendo Twins each pulled out similar treasures and began to rub them with their cheeks, giving out long, drawn out sighs of pleasure.

Scarlet hung her head. "You guys are *SO* weird."

"You haven't tried it," muttered Cologne.

Susan coughed into her fist. "Uh, survivors? Anyone want to go look for them?"

A batwinged Ranko circled around. Should she mention it or not? Oh dear.

--------

Mihoshi wailed as the lifepod made a few more plaintive beeps then shut down.

Ryoga merely stared. Somehow somewhere he knew. He held the crying girl close and went to his stance of Righteous Declaration. "RANMA SAOTOME, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" It had to be Ranma's fault.

It was Ranma's fault he was stranded on some strange planet!

It was Ranma's fault that he was stuck on a tropical island on a strange planet!

It was Ranma's fault that he was stuck on a tropical island on a strange planet with some curvy blonde spacebunny!

It was Ranma's fault that he was stuck hugging some curvy blonde spacebunny on some tropical island on some strange planet!

It was Ranma's fault that the curvy blonde spacebunny was hugging him back on some tropical island on some strange planet and...

Ryoga Hibiki stopped. He was on a strange planet. On a tropical island stocked with exotic fruits. With a blonde curvaceous spacebunny. Who was hugging him. And crying. And he wasn't turning into a pig?!

Ryoga began freaking out. He didn't see any demons from hell, taunting redheaded transgendered martial artists, or anything really BAD (by his standards at least) occurring around him. This was something unique in Ryoga Hibiki's life.

"Why aren't I turning into a pig?" Ryoga wondered aloud, a wave breaking over his foot.

"Hmmm. Oh it must've been the medical facilities, I had it run a full diagnostic and use a nanobot 'fix everything' curative." Mihoshi sniffled a few times. While this guy was no Tenchi, he certainly had broad shoulders. All the better to cry on considering how Kiyone had vanished again.

Ryoga blinked. Everything fixed? That meant...

Ryoga fainted, unable to deal with the concept that something good had happened to him.

--------

Back in the Pokemon world just vacated:

Jessie sighed and looked sadly into the mirror. She was back to her accustomed natural beauty, but... her old dream had been so close to unexpected fulfillment. She could have been a pokemon nurse, nobody would have thought twice about a Chansey in such a role.

She was just having trouble getting enthusiastic about being a member of Team Rocket. Maybe they should go after something besides Ash's Pikachu... Maybe.

"I've got it!" Jessie brightened slightly.

"What's that Jessie?" James asked from where he was similarly moping. The mage could at least have made him a pretty pokemon. No he had to be a Bug type, then turned back. Phooey.

"The Mage left that scrawny girl-twerp with the main twerp!" Jessie proclaimed, managing to fake a certain amount of enthusiasm. "And he gave her a stone which would transform her back from being some Mermaid to human again! She hasn't used it yet, I'll bet!"

James blinked, immediately picturing himself as a mermaid. "Hmmmm."

Meowth brought a fist down on an open palm. "That's brilliant! We'll swipe a unique Mermaid type, *and* that stone! And maybe we can get Pikachu while we're at it!"

"Bwahahahahahahaha!" The sound of three clueless bandits echoed into the woods.

A few miles away, Misty got a chill. Even inside her pokeball.

----------

SMJ World:

Jared had cast a "Body Outside Body" spell and had split into several selves. Using the duplicated Spelltrap, he was able to maintain more than one of himself for an extended time. Current estimates were that he could do this for a week before having to re-merge, and then he might have to spend yet *more* time recovering.

The one in the SMJ world was attempting to recover as much of Geltland's plasma technology as possible.

And watching little drow girls, human girls, and human boys interacting in the palace grounds. This was most strange.

Lorelei was scared of him. Not surprising. She had a *massive* amount of guilt that she was carrying around, despair over her feelings for Otaru Mamiya, and felt responsible for the entirity of Terra Two. She was afraid he would turn out to be an angel of vengeance. She was afraid also of many things that she herself could not name.

She also missed Nabiki. The doctor and the catgirl had gotten along amazingly (and surprisingly) well considering how different the two were. It served to remind Jared that sometimes not having a lot in common was better than having the wrong things in common.

The plasma technology was only half of the mission objectives, however. Project Payback was still underway.

So was something unusual.

Jared had noted that several marionette prototypes were still loyal to Ginseng. Not all were powerful prototypes, some were tests of a particular muscle fiber or memory circuit where the unit had to be observed over a long period of time. There were marionettes that looked like "standard" units, marionettes that had very obviously been customized to look like characters that Jared was *quite* familiar with, and marionettes which had been developed that were just too strange for everyday use no matter how well she worked.

And ever since they had found out that Jared knew where Ginseng had gone, and was capable of going there he had been under constant surveillance.

Jared glanced to the sides as he walked towards his lab. The ninja-girl and the spidergirl (six arms and clung to walls) were watching from the shadows. The Kiima-lookalike was half-hidden by that roof's peak over there. Some were more obvious than others. A fairly common model, except that she had an Ishi Kairo and had been used to test a new concept in artificial nerve actuators, was one of the more obvious ones. As she was still stuck in the barrel she'd fallen in yesterday, Jared looked down at the pair of legs and blue kimono sticking out and bit back an unkind comment. If she was still there this evening he'd have to pull her out before her batteries were depleted.

The main thrust of his studies, the plasma technologies, had proven to be a tough nut to crack. On several occasions, he'd been tempted to summon Grey, simply because 'Ginseng' already had a considerable amount of experience with the whole thing. Gennai, Lorelei, and any of the Japonesse scientists hadn't any clue. Heck, most of what *Ginseng* had come up with they didn't fully understand and s/he had left notes! (Not many, and some were written in odd languages, but there were notes.)

The Geltland records he'd managed to collect weren't much better. In order to safely discharge or store the energy of multiple plasma strikes, one needed cooling tubes, pumps, exchange devices, among other things. It was possible to build a ship that could safely move through a plasma storm, a big ship. Not build the same thing into a marionette, unless the marionette was 60 ft tall at least.

There were missing records and data, however. Jared was missing one major piece of the puzzle, and that irked him.

The Japonesse government was also looking for Doctor Hess, the brain behind the plasma-dispersal system among a lot of other things that Faust had utilized. They hadn't found him, which didn't surprise Jared too much. That *he* couldn't locate the mad scientist was a bit more surprising. Some of the data accumulated indicated that Hess *might* be more of a problem than most of the natives combined.

"Ivan..." Jared breathed, hoping it wasn't true. If it *was* the Specialist, the records indicated he'd been on this world for two hundred years. Artificially reincarnating himself much the same as Faust (First) and Ieyasu had done. What he could have done or learned in that amount of time was worrisome. And if he was still working for the same boss the last time a certain superspy adventurer had crossed his path...

Well, that *could* pose a problem.

-------

Akumakun/Ranma timeline:

Akane brought the two battered tin cups, apple cider for one and milk for the other. "Tweren't expecting visitors this late, y'know? Ah really need to find some other name. Akane's out as the native's still around."

"Though many of the natives seem to regard you as the real Akane," pointed out Jared as he sipped at his cider. Hmm. A blend. Granny Smith and... Macintosh?

"Well, they're calling you Akai and Akane, Akane, though some are calling you Akane and my sister Akuma," noted Nabiki, resisting the urge to pour the milk into a saucer and lap it up. She avoided saying anything about the not-in-genre camping lantern. It was too late, and frankly she was feeling some embarassment about her earlier actions.

"My point, it's too confusing with two 'Akanes' running around." Akane said, tossing her hair back and winking. Secretly she wondered what Nabiki could have done where SHE looked embarassed. Probably none of her business but she was curious anyway. "Which is another reason ah wanted to move out."

"Your loss," pointed out Nabiki, "that furo is just wonderrrful."

"You mean that and Akane regarding you as the demon responsible for those problems she doesn't blame myself or Ranma for," Jared noted. "Though she's not THAT particular about assigning blame."

"This way ah can spend my time immersed in the martial arts, and mebbee get some honest sleep." Akane shrugged. "With Kasumi around trying to 'awaken my feminine nature' that was gonna be a problem sooner or later. Even if i used the Security Protocols to lock her out..."

There was a knock at the door.

"So how did the Big Date go?" With a slight frown, Akane went to the door, opened it briefly, then slammed it shut with a panicked expression. "Whatamigonna do?!"

"Is it Black Bart?" Nabiki asked. She had some Kasumi pictures to try to sell him. Who else would be skulking in the dead of night like this?

"Is it my fiancees?" panicked Jared. Had they figured out his trick of the spelltrapped Body Outside Body spell? And would he now be dragged off to the beach for a group date?

"It isn't Kuno-baby, is it?" Nabiki asked with arched brow. Kuno had been trying to get pictures of both Akane, his "pigtailed girl", and the "fire haired lass" and it was getting *awfully* hard to say no when the amount offered kept going up. Though it was after midnight, and somehow Kuno didn't strike her as being that much the night owl.

"Excuse me," said a woman's voice. "May I come in?"

"It's Ami," said Akane, blocking the door and looking a little freaked. "What do i do? How the blazes do i explain THIS?!"

Jared nodded thoughtfully. "How do you explain that her husband is currently five years younger and female?" It wasn't the sort of question to normally come up, even on one of those daytime talk shows. Well, not very often anyway.

"Excuse me," said the voice from the door, knocking again. The door rattled.

"Maybe we should blast it open?" Another female voice asked.

"Eeep?!" Akane began to go from Somewhat Panicked to Horribly Embarassed with a side order of Panic.

"Well, I could..." Jared began considering possibilities out of this. He could try a Teleport, of course. Except if he did that he'd run the chance of Grey's luck factor working something in. Maybe cast an Illusion of an empty room? No, they obviously knew he was here. Maybe...

The door flew open, crashing into the far wall. Unfortunately, Akane was still on the far side of that door. "owie..."

Ami stepped in, quickly flanked by Haruka and Michiru. "Where is he? What have you done with him?"

"That's actually rather complicated," said Jared truthfully.

"He's behind that door," said Michiru, pointing at the same door that had just been flung across the room.

When the door had been removed to reveal a sixteen year old long haired girl in a western outfit, there was much staring.

"I could have sworn," Michiru said with some hesitation, "that that was him."

Haruka pulled open the shirt of the unconscious girl. "Nope. Definitely not a him."

"...but i don't wanna go to a Ranma/Wind Named Amnesia timeline..."

"Grey?!" Ami squeaked, staring at the girl who was groaning and beginning to get up.

"...uhm, hi Ami. Errr. Uhm. i..."

Haruka squatted down again, yanking off the girl's sport bra and giving a closer examination. "He... is a girl!" She squeezed the evidence in question. Certainly felt real.

"Please don't do that," said Akane.

Jared faded into the background, pulling Nabiki with him. He had a feeling, especially as the rest of the "Scouts" (plus three cast members of Evangelion) were crowding the room, that things were already more than complicated enough and he should give them time to sort things out.

Nabiki, on the other hand, wanted to hear this and had to be physically carried away.

Akane looked down. "Uhm, Haruka? They're real. Could ya stop doing that?"

Makoto looked at the girl, and remembered a scene she'd seen as she had entered the dimensional barrier.

------

The crowd of new students got off the bus and stood around with their luggage, getting their first good look at the new environs.

"Chilly today," said a tall girl with her brown hair pulled back in a ponytail to no one in particular. She was feeling friendless and in a strange environment.

"Hi people," a darkskinned whitehaired woman said. "It's a bit cool today, but these students with me will help show you to your rooms and help with your briefing."

The young man who stepped up to the tall girl gave her a frankly appraising look, then smiled. "Hi. i'm Kes. Need help with your bag?"

"Uhm, Lita, Lita Storm, look I can manage," the tall girl responded. Though she found herself liking the way the boy wasn't put off by her height.

The boy shrugged. "Okay, well. Japanese?"

"Half," Lita said, lifting her bags. "Just show me to my room, will ya?"

Shrugging again, the boy led her into the main building. "Okay, but if you want a tour guide or whatever, i'm available. Cafeteria's that way, there's studies all over the place, and downstairs is off limits. What's your juice anyway, if you don't mind me askin'?"

"'Juice'?" Lita wondered if she would ever get the hang of English.

"'Juice' as in power, talent, ability. Don't wanna pry, but if you've got something really dangerous like poison sweat it's best if you let people know in advance." Kes led her to a large room with a lot of bunks. "Well, grab one. Everybody else's doin' the tour thing."

"Right," Lita said, deciding to grab a top bunk in the corner. "You can go now."

Kes shrugged, he'd hoped to make a friend but it was getting obvious that the tall girl was sincerely not interested. "Okay, well, don't forget that everyone else here, mostly, is the same as you."

"Somehow I doubt that," said Lita. "What do you mean 'mostly'?"

"Well, there's two normal humans here, and then there's me. Everybody else is mutants like yourself. Welcome to 'Xavier's School For Gifted Children' and if you got any other questions use the phone over there."

Lita blinked as she watched the boy leave. If he wasn't a normal human and he wasn't a mutant, what did that leave?

--------

"I'm pretty sure they're real," repeated Haruka, hefting one globe. "Michie, what do you think?"

"Yes, that does look to be the case," opined Michiru. "Though I think if you would stop before she runs shrieking through the wall..."

Haruka was about to say something else when a fist slammed into her chin.

"This ain't the green grocer, and those ain't melons, and you ain't makin' no purchase!" Akane yanked her shirt closed, glaring at the target of her unhappiness.

There was a moment of staring at where Haruka was lying out cold on the floor.

"Now THAT she had coming," offered Makoto to many nods and sounds of agreement.

Ami leaned close, staring into chestnut brown eyes.

"Uhm, Ami-chan?!"

Ami seemed to find something that she was looking for. "We will discuss this later, husband."

Akane flinched "...oh dear..."

"Uhm, how did you, I mean," Minako was eyeing the girl uncertainly.

"i was summoned here by the Pheonix Mage, a designated prince of the Moon Kingdom." Akane gestured at herself. "Why this happened, we don't have a clue."

Jared, off in the distance (still carrying Nabiki), suddenly felt a chill. Twice in one night. How odd. Maybe he ought to have Grey cast a Cure Disease just to be sure.

Makoto watched the byplay and remembered another scene.

-------

A month had passed and Lita had her answer at last.

Lita stared at where a crew of evil mutants had decided to screw the skulking and just go for an all out assault on the School. And had met some heavy resistance.

Kes was Kestral. An Empowered. No longer quite human by all accounts in the media. Someone who had been specifically named as an example of "too dangerous to be allowed to remain free" by a popular Senator.

Kestral, whom she'd blown off as a normal human (who therefore couldn't understand what she was going through), had proven capable of going toe-to-toe with the Juggernaut for almost ten minutes! (They were going to have to rebuild that section of campus almost completely now.)

Her *own* power, that she'd thought so impressive and had experienced such angst over because it distanced her from normal humanity (she could lift over two tons) was... maybe not as impressive around here as she'd thought.

Ororo threw lightning bolts. Piotr turned into a metal man whose strength dwarfed her own. And some of those they faced were extremely powerful.

Then the one named Magneto faced Kestral, put up a magnetic bottle, and because Kestral was largely an energy being, was having the life sucked out of him.

Lita wondered exactly what she could do. She was kind of outclassed here. From assuming she was the Toughest Girl On Campus, she'd gone to Seriously Underpowered for these games.

-------

"AMI!" Makoto scolded, breaking her silence. She knew now how that other self had frozen in indecision, but still ended up as Kes' girlfriend mainly through the actions of her new friends. Well, she was a fiancee herself. And she'd listened in her own lifetime to Ami discussing times that Ami and Grey had been together.

Ami broke off her berating of Grey for getting himself stuck in this sort of thing.

"It wasn't his fault," said Makoto, moving immediately to the Understanding and Supportive Fiancee role. After all, from what she'd seen Grey=Kes Makoto=Lita. That meant in this other world she'd glimpsed, they had been married!

Makoto colored slightly in rememberance. Well, didn't *this* complicate things!

--------

Meanwhile, back at the Tendo dojo:

"Hold still, Ranma-honey."

"That stings you know."

"Shampoo no can reach these scratches. Airen please to use medicine?"

"Let *me* handle that instead, sugar."

"Hmmmph! Shampoo know many recipe for cat..."

"Hey now, Nabiki didn't know what she was doin', okay? She just got weirded out 'cause of something stupid oyaji did. Normally, you give her catnip and she either chases her tail or gets all mellow. This was weird."

"No argument from me, Ranma-honey."

"Shampoo also think weird. But think maybe Spatula Girl and Catgirl make cute couple."

"HEY! What's THAT supposed to mean!"

"Shampoo think that's why Spatula Girl still dress like boy. Is she already..."

"Take that back!"

"Uhm, guys. Could ya stop fighting like that in here? It's uhm, it's uhm, unseemly."

"gwoak wakku wak wuuuu!"

"Shampoo, can you stop pulling Ucchan's cheeks like that?"

"gnnnnggg!"

"Uchann, let go of Shampoo's tongue!"

"Graaa!"

"Oh, now *that* looks uncomfortable. C'mon guys, you're ripping off your bandages, and that healing cream stuff is getting smeared everywhere. Can't you just..."

*SPLASH!*

"Uhm, SASAMI?"

"Yes Ranma?"

"I'd pull them out of the hot spring but I have a feeling I'd be the one to end up at the bottom."

"Very likely."

"Hmmmm. Think you're gonna have to change the water."

"I'd say so."

"DIE, YOU BRAZEN HUS" (glub!)

"SHAMPOO GET RID OF STUPID " (glub!)

(gasp!) "Stop pulling my hair you bimbo" (burble!)

(gasp!) "Xi Fang Ga" (glurple!)

"Oh yeah! Here's some of your own medicine back at ya!"

"What a mess."

"Might I suggest a hot cup of cocoa, Ranma? Let them work this out on their own."

"Think you're right SASAMI."

(glurp!) (gurble!) (scrub-scrub-scrub) (scrub-scrub-scrub)

-------

Third Labor Timeline: 818 AD

Ranma griped and moaned and all but cursed.

He was viewed on by sympathy by most, tolerance by everyone else. After all, everyone knew how close the two lovers had been.

"How could she *do* that?!" Ranma, son of Jerem, grumbled again.

"It was her decision," pointed out old Father Keian. "She'd always wanted to be a part of the Exploration Team. When she was removed due to her allergies..."

Ranma spent some time muttering phrases dealing with stubborness, and a lack of both foresight and consideration for others. Then Ranma went still. There were a few nudges and knowing looks among the crowd, just *knowing* what was to come.

"It's too dangerous to go by yourself. I have to go to where you found her boat," Ranma said, craning his head up to look into Ami's eyes. "Give me an hour to collect supplies. "I'm going to have to catch up with her." This was followed again by muttering about stubborness and the uncompleted sentence about what he'd do when he caught up with her.

Actually, what exactly would happen when Ranma caught up with Ukyo would be a major topic of speculation and private wagering for months to come.

-------

Ranma/Akumakun timeline:

SASAMI monitored with her usual efficiency.

Ranma finished his cup of hot chocolate and wandered off to bed.

SASAMI noted that the two warriors' battle had turned sluggish and that their responses indicated either intoxication or else they'd literally beaten each other senseless. Using simple light projections, SASAMI was able to lead the two to Ranma's room. She wasn't completely clear on the tangled relationships but felt that having the patients all together was most efficient.

Nabiki arrived, dragging herself home. For whatever odd reason, she passed her own room by, sniffing repeatedly, then entering Ranma's room and curling up at the foot of the bed.

SASAMI debated getting a cat basket for Nabiki.

Akane arrived home after another long night of training from her Master, Happosai. She promptly collapsed on her own bed.

Kasumi started her day in an atypical fashion, with a phone call. SASAMI noted the anomaly and began making breakfast.

It wasn't until Ranma awoke that things really began going oddly.

-------

Ranma considered shrieking and clinging to the ceiling. He had a number of good reasons to do so. Against such a thing, this was all so bizarre that he wasn't sure it couldn't be a dream sequence.

Nabiki was curled up at the foot of his bed. NOT the usual state of affairs, by a long shot. He was also pretty sure she usually slept in pajamas, not a pair of pink panties. She had come down in her PJs a few times for breakfast, and Ranma had noticed all the little kitties on her PJs.

Shampoo and Ukyo were asleep, and not wearing a whole lot either. Unlike Nabiki, they were covered by a blanket but what wasn't covered by the blanket was showing bare skin. Also very NOT the usual state of affairs.

Ranma considered again the merits of shrieking and clinging to the ceiling like Spiderman. If he did so, he had a feeling that three girls would destroy his room in seconds and this was the first time in his life he had a comfortable bed. It getting shredded would not be a great loss, but it would consititute a loss. Hmmm.

Before meeting up with his brother, Ranma just reacted to things. It was the way Genma had taught him.

Ranma had been informed repeatedly, and he'd had to agree, that Genma Saotome was not exactly the most sterling example to follow. Did he want to end up like his Father or like that old lech?

Not only no, but Hell No.

So Ranma did something unusual. He treated this like a fight. What would happen, how to counter it, and how to overcome the adversary known as His Life. Ranma considered What Could Go Wrong, and started working out counterattacks.

Nabiki stretched and yawned. The motion went up the bed, jostling three people. Two of whom began to stir themselves.

Ranma considered for a third time the option of leaping to the ceiling and clinging to it.

"Rrrrrraaa?!"

"Mrrrrowww?!"

Ranma blinked as Ukyo licked his cheek and Shampoo nuzzled him. He found an option that he hadn't considered before, one that actually had a chance of him not being pummelled. He fainted.

-------

Akane (Grey) had learned many martial arts styles over the course of several lifetimes. In Grey's first life, he'd been pretty good in kempo and western fencing (sabre style particularly, reflexes for kempo pretty much foiling his attempts with the foil.)

After some time with valkyries, a few more weapons skills had developed. Then the schools of Whatever Works Engineering, a few Amazon manuevers, a few years of Northern Shaolin Kung Fu, Taiko Drum Stick Fighting, and a certain amount of Anything Goes.

One of his previous selves/Alternates (Nebula, aka Basalt) had been trained extensively as a professional soldier and bodyguard particularly in rod, chain, fencing foil, sabre, and thrown weapons. Kestral had been in enough fights that a natural brawling style had developed, though in later years he'd had to go up against the likes of Juggernaut or the Hulk for a decent workout.

Plus the current style, Martial Arts Ranching.

All in all he (when he was he, as opposed to currently where he was a she) preferred *weapons* based styles and fighting with weapons. Guns such as revolvers lacked grace and class, whereas a Wilk's laser pistol had both. Lightsabers were, quite frankly, cool. A Jabberworks "Demonbuster" particle beam rifle (1d6x10+10 MD, 1200ft range, 10 shots/e-clip, 15#) was a wonderfully comforting weight in one's hands. (One of those cases where one could walk through the Valley Of The Shadow Of Death knowing full well that you'd at least be able to do some serious damage before one passed on.) Or, better yet, an A-Wing or similar craft.

Which made Akane (Grey) hang her head and groan, as Black Bart's morning attack had caused all those various reflexes to conflict with each other. Resulting in her standing there twitching while a cloud of knockout gas had rolled over her.

Resulting in the current situation, where Akane had found herself (some would say inevitably) tied to a railroad track while Black Bart chuckled evilly in the background.

There were worse aspects of this whole thing. Currently she was wearing a wedding dress. As she'd started out wearing her Shinto priestess robes, this was concerning for more than one reason.

Turning her head around, Akane saw where Black Bart and his crowd stood getting some last minute instructions from their boss.

Grey had tried to become something other than Akane, several times since entering this timeline. Dragon, cyborg, ANYTHING other than the twin of a sixteen year old overreactive violent tomboy. Though Angel form might be do-able, it would not be able to escape and would exhaust her again.

Failure again.

Normal Akane-level strength. Figure a 15 or 20 on a Champions scale. If able to get leverage and "push" the statistic, via rage, Akane could easily bend the rail and get free.

Grey could neither get leverage nor summon sufficient anger. Black Bart was merely acting in the manner his own honor led him to as the Heir of Martial Arts Stage Villainry. His men (including Dakota) were all a group of misfits, but none of them were really BAD compared to some of the people he'd met over his various lives.

His various other Incarnations could agree on THAT at least. Phoenix gang members who'd kill in cold blood just to while away an afternoon could be remembered by the core Grey. Frostbite could remember meeting dragons who were just as evil. Kestral could remember maniacs like Doctor Gabe and thoroughly amoral beings like Sabretooth.

"Bart! What are you doing? What do you think Kasumi will think of this!"

"Oh dear! Akane, you're awake!"

Akane stared at KASUMI stepping away from the crowd to look down at her little sister. "K-Kasumi?!"

"I'm sorry Akane, but you'll feel so much better if you're married to a nice boy, and if you have some children I won't have to worry about you killing yourself." Kasumi looked sadly at the girl tied to the railroad track. "That's why I convinced Mr Bart to capture you."

"...oh crap..." Akane realized that moving out of the house had *not* been sufficient. Clerical spells would require hands to be free, nothing memorized that would rust metal or cut chains. Transformative abilities- inoperative. Kestral's abilities depended on being a weird sort of energy-fortified being, therefore also not possible. "Kasumi this really isn't a good idea. I'm not really Akane, you know."

"I'm sorry Akane, but you'll realize this is for your own good eventually. You'll overcome all these delusions and find there's so much yet to live for." Kasumi smiled at her sister. Love could cure all ills after all.

And Akane certainly looked ill right now.

=========

Well, things have started moving towards a resolution. No, seriously.

Would i kid you about something like that?