Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Third Labor (Forward to the past) ❯ Card Games ( Chapter 20 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Third Labor, chapter 20: "Akane's Wedding"
...or "Card Games"

gregg sharp, metroanime@mindspring.com
some scenes by White Pheonix

DISCLAIMER: this is pretty weird. various authors own various characters and concepts.

"You know you're in trouble when the DM is smiling." - Morgan Wright


-------

Ranma/Akumakun timeline:

"Dang she's stubborn," Wyoming said, gesturing towards the girl tied up to the railroad track.

Dakota held up her black-gloved hand and made a gesture of silence. It sounded like the posse had finally arrived.

"How the heck did we get here?"

"I told you that bandana boy didn't look reliable!"

"Cute fangs, though!"

"Mitsuishi-san, you've been playing too many boy-hungry characters lately."

The five members of the gang waited until the three women had stepped out among their concealing rocks before leaping up with guns drawn.

"AAAAAAAA!" The three women's response was predictable.

"If only I had my motorcycle," said a very attractive one as she reached for the sky.

"That does it, if we get out of here alive," griped a short but very cute one, "RYOGA HIBIKI, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"

"Eh-heh, oh dear." The third glanced towards the railroad track. "I don't suppose we wandered into some theme park I've never heard of?"

"Hey, Ah gotta idea!" Colorado brightened visibly. "That there Akane is a hero type, right? So what if we tie these here fillies to the railroad tracks. If we can't threaten *her* and get her to fold..."

"Well damn," said Dakota, "you're gettin' half a brain in there. Though you call any girl around here a filly again an' Ah'll bop you. Good thing we brought plenty of rope."

--------

The Old West was strange about some things.

For one, heroes were allowed to be card sharks. To cheat, rob and even swindle with a deck of playing cards until the plaques practically smoked from the amount of crime burnt onto their little decorated backs, and the Old West would only admire him for the skill to do it. He could make a living defrauding miners and farm hands from their honest pay and anyone stupid enough to sit down at a gambling table was deemed to deserve it.

In the Old West if you gambled you were deserving of every bit of profit or loss no matter how the cards fell, how they got there or who helped them do it.

Not that ever helped anyone who got caught cheating. Martial Arts Cardsharping honored only winners. Losers deserved what they got. It became an interesting game of wandering gamblers and the town's best to see who was better at catching the other's slimy tricks while getting away with his own, though the townsfolk usually got together behind their own. Cash that wandered away on the next four horseshoes out of town wasn't there any more to be spent on things in it, so waitresses and barkeeps had an interesting habit of slipping loaded decks into the hands
of their own boy if the game was looking sour. Things could be thrown, threats made, lies told, cheaters often prospered and the sneakiest dog on the prairie often walked away with the gold.

No, the antics of a deck of cards were as involved and intricate as those behind a shootout, but backstabbing was worth triple points.

That was why Jared had chosen this game, Black Bart was almost sure to win it. With the amount of villainy involved he'd have been right in his element, it would be a cinch for the Bad Guy to make off with the take...

...and in this case the only thing gambled was the right to court Kasumi.

It was an excellent plan, elegant in its simplicity. All he had to do was lose and he'd be out from the engagement forever. Bart would have full rights to court Kasumi but she no obligation to marry him, Jared could stay in town (though somewhat at a loss for reputation) and get the last of his training before setting sail with the Pirates Kuno.

Sadly, he had not expected to be dealt a royal flush.

Although he didn't know it, Jared rather suspected that some small black feline somewhere was choking on his tail smothering laughter so that it wouldn't ring out over this mortal plane.

In point of fact Toltiir was saved from that embarrassment only by the timely intervention of a hairball, on which he choked, and would have sniggered himself to death at that irony had that even been possible. Not that the elder god of mischief and the lighter side of chaos had actually needed to do anything, Jared's luck factor was enough to throw random factors in his favor whenever they were allowed to do so.

Black Bart would've chewed nastily on the crumpled end of a black cigar had he been any less refined of a villain. As it was he delicately sipped at a small glass of beverage (ice tea, if anyone was interested) and twirled his mustache curls in place where lesser men might have toyed with a cigarette (Kasumi had no place to say it to her father but she also disapproved of smoking).

Jared scowled.

Krieger had insisted on a good and comprehensive Old West education and it turned out the boys' brief foray into Martial Arts Old West Gambling (under the town master) revealed that most of it was simple observation. Ranma had a knack for seeing things that was downright uncanny (though he typically only used it in fights) and from a life used to spotting secret
doors and extra training where life and limb were at stake all Jared had needed to know what what to look for.

On the slimmest margin of barest hope Jared had read the villain's cards in the reflection of his opponent's glass (Jared's own cards were flat on the table in front of him - face down. He'd only needed to see them once).

Black Bart had a pair of fours.

Though from the way Jared was so all-fired upset the villain was sure he had a decent chance. It might have been true, but the hero was struggling over a way to lose this thing. Any cards discarded would be face up, open to view, and people would ask questions if he threw away the vital part of a winning hand after the cards all went face up.

It wasn't the Heroic Thing to do, after all, and folks would inevitably notice.

The Hero heaved a sigh again. If this had been in the depths of some villainous lair, surrounded by cutthroats, he could do all sorts of things to break up the game. But again, his preparations hurt him there, as they were in the town saloon with ordinary townsfolk gathered all around, Krieger sitting by the door, the barman polishing glasses in the corner, Ranma waiting by the hitching post with a mare and Wildhorn, Genma drooling on the floor muttering in drunken tuneless rants about joining two houses and only two of Black Bart's own to accompany him; California, and Sancho Pablo Juan Enrique Martinez Esteban Villalobo III (also known as Oregon).

It was as honest a setup as they could get. Strangely, Akane wasn't present. But she may have just as well been avoiding Kasumi, who might have been showing anytime seeing as how the card game was for her anyway (though Bart's henchmen had a side bet going as to which card player
she'd swoon and root for).

California once again assured himself how much this beat working at Quickie-Mart. Or Wal-mart. He'd done that too. No, being a cowpoke villain was *much* nicer.

Jared's face continued going through contortions of displeasure. If he couldn't lose this honestly, the only thing he could do was cheat to get a worse hand. A spell was out as the only ones he had were obvious. The wand he typically used for clandestine illusions still had to be
recharged from that fight with that demon, and planning on *losing* this fight he hadn't carried any spare cards.

A hand twitched toward his sleeve anyway, though more out of the need to fondle spell components as he was thinking. California's hand was faster than the distracted mage and soon Jared found himself staring at two *very* pleased villains (Oregon was presently playing with the slot machine, trying to get it to give back his crooked peso).

Black Bart smirked evilly. "Well, it seems our hero was trying to 'augment' his hand. Search his sleeve, would you California?"

With swift movement barely noticed and certainly not provable, the henchman produced an ace of hearts out of his own pocket and ran it up alongside Jared's arm acting at the end as if he had pulled it from the redhead's sleeve.

"Looks like he was after an ace, boss." California grinned.

Bart grinned like only a victorious villain about to win a huge stake could.

Jared rallied. Getting caught for cheating was worse by far than anything he'd planned and would get him thrown out of town for sure, with no opportunity to finish training under Krieger. The mage smiled *back* at Black Bart and said. "Now that's a little low even for you, Bart. Wouldn't it be jest like you ta have your boy plant that card up my sleeve to accuse me of cheatin?"

Black Bart's smile turned sour as those gathered round generally agreed that it would be *exactly* like something the villain would do. But still he bit through clenched lips. "You're the one caught cheating here. Unless you can prove differently I think the pot is mine."

Jared had a smile that was wider now. "Ah, c'mon Bart. What gambler did you ever know who carried *two* of the same card up his sleeve?"

And with that the boy turned over the ace of hearts from his hand still on the table.

Bart scowled.

"Could be ya was dealt the one anyway."

The redhead's grin of victory grew. "Yes, but what fella would be stupid enough ta reach fer a card that he already had? Two of the same would brand any cowhand a cheater." Before the henchman could feign pulling another card from him the mage freed his hand, opened his cuffs and pulled back both sleeves. "Ain't nothing else there ta reach for."

But California was quick. Already having dumped three other aces on the floor while Jared was talking, he bent and retrieved them with a loud. "Lookie here!" Rising with the cards the henchman added. "Looks like he done dumped this when we caught 'im, boss!"

Bart's evil grin had returned with reinforcements. "So you were going for a full hand, were you boy?"

Jared gave California a hostile glare and then very deliberately and obviously checked the table and floor all around him. "Any other cards that varmint is gunna claim is mine? Er is he done planting em yet?"

Krieger came up and two good boys took California back a ways, out of interfering range. All attention focused on Jared in fine Old West Gambling style.

Fighting the urge to feel ill at being forced so far into winning this, Jared turned back to his cards still on the table. "Well Bart, I don't rightly know, but it seems fair that a man about to cheat in cards is trying ta *improve* his hand. And iffn I was reaching for those aces as ya say, then *this* here is my rightful hand, wouldn't ya reckon?" He flipped over the king of hearts. "And iffn that's so, that there ace looks mighty cozy next ta that king there of the same suit an all."

Flip.

"And wouldn't ya know but that Queen looks like she belongs, too."

Flip.

"Now I reckon that there Jack jest looks so gawl dern *perdy* 'longside them others all o' wit the same little hearts on 'em."

With that much evidence backing up the Hero, Krieger had drawn and the barman assumed his official role of mediator and searched California. The barman indeed found a deck of cards, which he searched and quickly announced was devoid of aces.

Attention swerved back to the table, where Bart acted as if California was just a state somewhere and he'd never even heard of the henchman with the cards.

Jared sent Black Bart a gambler's glare. By Western rules if that last card wasn't a flush and it wasn't a straight it was nothing. Bart would win. The trouble *now* was it happened to be both and how was he to slip it for something worthless without (a) solving any of the same problems he'd faced before, and (b) getting caught for real as the focus on the table had grown.

The mage was just about to sigh and win this thing when Kasumi came into the bar wearing a black hat and checking a train schedule. "Mr. Bart, I was wondering if we could move my sister. She still hasn't agreed and seems almost to look forward to getting run over by the train, could we try the sawmill next?"

Both gamblers looked up from the table.

Jared was stunned. "Kasumi, did you just kidnap Akane?"

The eldest Tendo girl noted the attention now focused in on her and bit her lip. "Oh, no. I'm afraid Mr. Bart did it."

Jared's gaze was calm yet level. "You just put him up to it." It was not a question.

She began to tie knots in her apron strings, and nodded.

"This is the GOOD Akane we're all talking about, right?" Jared wanted confirmed.

Kasumi began to look more bold about it. "It was for her own good. The doctor said to reinforce her inner feminity, so she needs to get married. I thought that if we..." she trailed off as something died within his face.

Jared came to a decision, and, figuring he had a way out of this after all, pushed back his chair. "I'm sorry, Mr. Bart. I appear to be playing for the hand of the wrong lady. You win. I couldn't see myself married to that one. Goodbye." And with that the mage ran out, jumped on Wildhorn, and rode off.

Before anyone else had moved, Krieger lunged forward and grabbed the redhead's last card, turning over the ten of hearts for all to see, a once-in-a-lifetime hand every gambler dreams of thrown away.

All the men there tsked. Black Bart merely scowled.

"Is something wrong?" Kasumi asked at the sudden seriousness. Even Genma in his drunken haze on the floor seemed to sense something going amiss with his plans.

Krieger let the card fall onto the table, gave the girl a grieved stare, and left to look out the doors at the retreating horse and rider.

"What just happened?" Kasumi asked, leery of the increasing gazes of pity she was receiving.

"Well," the barkeep was back to polishing glasses, avoiding looking at the girl. "It's one thing certain when a villain *wins* a hand against the hero."

There came rumbles of assent.

"But when the hero jest plain gives her up..." A random cowhand added in dark tones.

"Means ill, it does," said a rancher, refusing to meet Kasumi's face.

Hoss Cowchucker hitched up his belt, having come to witness this occasion. "Yep. Means she ain't worth havin."

"Specifically," Krieger said in mourning tones from the door, still staring at the vanishing cloud of dust. "Iffn she's dropped wit cause, and you were, it means she's now a Fallen Woman in the eyes o' the West."

He turned his head back to meet Kasumi's gaze, the only man in the saloon who'd do so. Well, excepting Bart who was merely looking thoughtfully off into space as he desperately looked for a face-saving explanation for the ingenue. "She's got either o' two choices. Redeem herself right quick by either provin' she never done ill ta begin wit, an you ain't got that there option, er doing *powerful* good deeds ta make up fer it. Er..."

Krieger averted his eyes away from her.

Hoss belched loudly, taking a drink. "Er, I reckon ol' Krieger 'ill haf ta put up that brothel he'd always been avoiden settin up, cause we got here a girl ain't fit fer marryin or any other business."

Kasumi blinked rapidly, clutching her chest. "But..." What she was about to say involved not having any ties to this town, therefore not feeling bound by it so much.

Just at that moment a man clanked into the saloon wearing spurs and chaps and a ridiculously large hat over his usual brown gi. Soun Tendo wandered into the bar behind the badge of Sheriff and asked. "Well, I heard of a game here. What's going on?" He checked a dictionary. "Cowpokes."

Kasumi turned frightfully pale but didn't speak. Her eyes turned back to Bart, who smiled weakly at her. That was when Krieger felt obliged to add. "And proper villains don't marry, neither. Oh, sure'n they have *preferred* 'women-of-negotiable-morals' but..."

Oregon wandered up, offered her a shiny new peso for the first half hour, and was promptly beaten half to death, dragged off to jail, and frightened half out of his wits by an outraged Sheriff Soun before anyone could blink.

Soun had beaten Bart to it by a good 3 seconds.

All of this commotion dragged Mr. Saotome's attention away from his drunken haze, and, finally understanding that his son was gone, staggered out the door and passed out right behind Ranma's mare.

Kasumi fainted. Black Bart somehow managed to go from seated at the table to catch her near the door.

"Now hold on, Krieger, Ah leave the Heroics and Ranchin' to you. Don't you go lecturin' none on the code of villainry. Villains marry all the time, I should know. I'm the Heir of my school, after all. Besides," Black Bart adjusted his hat slightly with his free hand. "Didn't y'all notice the color of her hat?"

Krieger had, but there was a certain protocol to be observed. "You mean?"

"Yup," Black Bart lifted the young lady up, nodding at California to pick up her hat. "She's the Confused Ingenue Who Has Fallen In With The Wrong Crowd. Or, if y'all prefer, the 'Damsel In Distress Of Her Own Making'." Black Bart continued, spinning a tale about how the young lady was trying to reform him, and he was trying to corrupt her. If you accepted the story, it was obvious that she was doing a better job than he was.

Krieger shook his head at seeing Black Bart grabbing a quick explanation to try and salvage the young lady's honor. He *could* try poking holes in it, but why bother? Instead Krieger settled his hat, moseyed over and took the lass from Bart to drape over his horse intending to return her to one of her sisters for keeping, motioning for Ranma to follow.

Ranma had to delay, as he stood next to his mare with a silly grin plastered all over his face as his horse proceeded to empty her bladder over Genma.

Genma came up spluttering and realizing that being the Town Drunk had some bad qualities.

--------

Akumakun stared at the way the cards had gone. The pudgy eight year old sorcerer couldn't quite understand the message they were trying to tell him. What the heck was going on in Nerima that gave such confusing readings? Wasn't it just an industrial area?

"Akumakun," pouted Toriohime, the sylph's wings beating slightly as she hovered, "that girl's been chasing me again."

Akumakun sighed. It sounded like he was going to have to talk with Sakura yet again.

--------

Ranma blinked as he watched. "Can you explain this to me, SASAMI?"

"I just finished an analysis of the shampoo those two were attacking each other with," SASAMI said, sounding puzzled. "Who could have expected drugged shampoo?"

"Well..." Ranma could have told her that his life was just perpetually weird. Drugged shampoo? Why not?

"They apparently are suffering from partial amnesia and something similar to posthypnotic suggestion. Going over the recordings, the word 'cat' was repeated several times. Also 'catgirl', references to you being 'airen' or 'husband' or 'boyfriend', a few other uhm terms."

"They can't get me can they?"

SASAMI shook her holographic head. "No, the containment field is able to hold them back for now. Unfortunately, they appear to be bonding with Nabiki."

"Why can't I have *normal* fiancees?" Ranma complained, having been paying attention to a number of details at the behest of his brother. One thing that he might have otherwise ignored, a sitcom/drama on television dealing with a normal family where the father was trying to raise a son and a daughter without his wife, had become something of a guilty pleasure. Especially with Miho Nakayama playing the shy asthmatic nerd Michi. "A shy but cute Japanese girl who dreams of being a concert pianist."

"Oh dear," SASAMI said, covering her eyes. "That's..."

"That's how cats groom each other," said Ranma. "Well, time for a cold shower. No need for *me* to stand around watching this. SASAMI, see if you can figure out a way to remind them that they're not cats, would ya?"

"I'll try," said the hologram, managing to sound very uncertain.

--------

Third Labor timeline: 821 AD

"Are you sure about this?" Ami looked down in concern at the humans and their boat.

"Positive," the head priest of the expedition said with a nod. "Though this skulking about and seeking to nudge our fellows over generations be a bit less than straightforward, it be the only method we agree that do minimize the bloodshed and strain on the lives o' the common folk. Tis only the ninth century, O Dragon, and whate'er cleverness ye might suggest is beyond simple folk as myself."

"Besides, lass," another priest called up, "unless one is a dragon, one can only change the course of a river a bit at a time. Lest we flood our good efforts, we needs must be more like mice than be lions."

"Truly said, Brother Theo, truly said." The first priest agreed. "Besides lass, we merely be the first group. We come back eventually, as the second group goes out. And so on. Give us a chance and we may yet lay a foundation on which a mighty house may be built."

Ami rolled her eyes and mumbled something about not being able to keep to a single metaphor.

"The Vikings themselves may yet be brought into the fold," pointed out Theo. "Tis unseemly of us to merely take our safety here, while our kin toil in ignorance and hardship that they need not. And if it nae work out, why then at least we have tried."

Setsuna's head reared over the battlements to regard the group as well. "You're taking tea?"

Theo favored the slightly taller of the two dragons with a mock scowl. "Lass! We are trying to spread civilization and refinement among our fellows. Of course we're bringing tea!"

---------

Ranma/Akumakun timeline:

"Grey," the girl introduced herself, figuring she might as well since she was still tied to the railroad track, and was now bracketed by two others who'd been tied to her *and* the track.

"Mitsuishi."

"Tomizawa."

"Takeuchi," said the third, tied to a totem pole nearby.

Grey blinked at the names. ~Nah, couldn't be.~ "Uhm, so what brings y'all here."

"It's my fault. With my work schedule as bad as its been, I was afraid I was having a nervous breakdown. I saw some people..." The slender woman who looked oddly familiar said from her position on the pole. "I'm *so* sorry."

"No, it's that bandana boy's fault. He's gonna get a major ka-powie if I ever see him again!"

"So, do you usually spend a lot of time being tied to railroad tracks?" The more subdued of the two newcomers to the tracks.

"No, first time actually," Grey said. "As for insanity, sometimes you have to ask if the insanity is outside your head or within."

"Pretty heavy for this early in the morning," griped the feisty one. "And isn't this a school day?"

"Yeah, but i kinda got tied up," said Grey rattling her chains. "At least you guys got rope. These chains are heating up from the sun."

"What are they trying to get you to do, anyway?" There were several jumps as a train whistle sounded.

"Marry some guy they've got picked out." Grey groaned. It sounded like the Last Minute Rescue was going to be late. "i guess i gotta. Though i think i'm gonna have to get even with Kasumi for this. I wonder what happened to the girls..." Grey winced. "Just that they're not here means they may be in some terrible danger."

-------

"I don't know, what do you think about this?" Minako held up a frilled vest before vanishing into her dressing room again. "Just a sec', ok?"

"This kind of clothing is what's required around here?" Ami looked uncertainly at the outfits. "They look kind of odd..."

Desperado Dan, the clothier, wondered why the heck it was taking 45 minutes for these girls to decide what to wear. *Most* tourists just threw together something quick and didn't bother to coordinate amongst themselves to nearly this extent. Oh well, usually there weren't this many and this young. And it wasn't like he was overwhelmed with customers at the moment.

------

Grey stared at the "husband" that had been selected for her. ~They aren't *this* dumb are they?Or is blind a better explanation.~

The candidate had baggy clothes, long hair ponytailed through the back of a baseball cap, was tall and bishonen, and wearing an obviously fake moustache. There was a toothpick sticking out of the groom's mouth, and a badly faked "four o clock shadow" in place.

It was also *very* definitely Makoto Kino.

"Well, gosh," Makoto paused and flipped through a dictionary, "that there be a right pretty filly there. Ah can hardly wait to burn my mark...?! Waitaminute, that can't be right."

Colorado nudged the groom. "You mean 'slap my brand on that gal'."

Dakota grumbled about trying to find a groom at the last minute.

Grey struggled some, but was mainly in shock. ~They're *that* dumb? Or is it a Ranma physics thing where no matter how dumb the disguise, it's completely effective until a third party points it out?~ Realizing she had to keep up appearances she dragged her feet to the altar.

The Reverend Itazura Nekoka was a bit strange, but what could you expect from a priest found by a group of villains to perform a shotgun marriage in a desert canyon located in a Tokyo suburb? Though if she'd heard the name, Akane might have opted for being shot. A green eyed Shinto priest who mumbled a lot and seemed to have a ludicrously long beard?

Guns were pointed at the three witnesses, as threats to them had worked better than threats to the bride herself.

"STOP RIGHT THERE!"

Akane and Makoto flinched.

Akane looked up to see who was standing on the ridge and flinched LOTS.

Two seiyuu (voice actresses) and a manga author merely STARED.

---------

There was a thought rattling around Naoko Takeuchi's head, and it was about that phrase of that Grey girl, about whether the insanity came from within you or without.

Considering the girl in question had been tied to the railroad tracks and had just been hauled off into a forced marriage at gunpoint with an obviously crossdressing girl, it held considerable merit. Not the least of which came from the question of her own predicament of presently being tied to a totem pole looking down at two of her friends still tied to the railroad tracks while they heard the whistle of a train blowing while the crowd who had tied them there were threatening them with guns to get that girl Grey to go through with the marriage.

She was fairly certain that she wouldn't make this kind of fantasy up. Though now that it had passed her mind maybe she should, after all, because at least then her publisher would give her a profit on it.

Though how she was going to explain an Old West style canyon (along with those cowpoke ruffians) in downtown Tokyo had put her in a bit of a quandry. This was the sort of thing that happened in *others* stories, like that one about the book of four something-or-others where the girls fall through into another universe and have all sorts of strange quests before they can go home.

Seeing the two women standing on the ridge, Naoko Takeuchi wondered if perhaps that wasn't a type of story she ought to be writing.

--------

Akane Tendo (the real one) spun past a swipe by a shinnai, leapt over a thrust broom handle, and lashed out with a kick that threw yet another attacker into slumberland.

Her skills had increased a hundredfold, at least, by her own estimation. To become one with the Art, to become its living extension and to be lost in the moment of Oneness. This was worth a certain degree of sacrifice.

Grabbing the ward thrust at her face ("Traffic Safety" oddly enough), Akane used the attacker's own momentum to start a short flight to impact a wall.

The crowd of attackers she was used to was much larger nowadays. It didn't much matter, as they were all moving in slow motion compared to her.

It wasn't *her* fault. Any of it. Oh sure, she'd heard the rumors. Akane had been split into good and evil. The angelic one, the nice girl with spiritual powers, who also had some major weirdness and a really smart horse. The demonic evil-tempered psychobitch. Her. Well, if it was true then there was only one thing to do.

Defeat the good one so that they would be reunited. To do that, she'd need to improve her skills some more as well as get a LOT of chi stored up.

Not a problem. The boys locker room and the girls locker room both fell to her mastery of Anything Goes. Only the choicest from both for her collection.

"Oops. Sorry, Yuka." Akane winced as she realized that she'd just done an impressive rising uppercut attack on one of her old friends. Sayuri dropped a moment later as well, a simple legsweep being sufficient.

"BEAN JAM BLOWOUT!" Akane used the break the special manuever gained her to leap clear of the crowd. She had her pretties, now on to stage two.

It *was* a school day, after all.

----------

Another very different universe:

Jared registered the presence of Doctor Lorelei for a few minutes before he gave any sign of acknowledging her. The parts were bulky and had to be fit and tuned exactly so.

"This is delicate work, Doctor Lorelei. I trust you are disturbing me for a good reason."

"Uhm, I..."

Several things penetrated the work-related focus of trying to calibrate a set of meshing electromagnetic fields.

First, her garb was atypical of Doctor Lorelei. Instead of a dress and a labcoat, Lorelei was wearing a pair of tight jeans and a sweater, with a serviceable "gadget vest" worn over that and finally a stocking-cap. While the weather was cold and fairly wet, it seemed a bit extreme. Especially as all Lorelei had to do was request it and a car would be provided her within an instant.

Second, she was (as usual) nervous but something seemed different about it. After a moment of reading body language he had it. This was someone who had decided to face the firing squad and try to die with dignity. If she smoked, no doubt she'd have blindfold and cigarette in place.

Third, a heavy backpack left near the door. If he failed to pass judgement on her, she was planning a long trip.

"So how are the cloned girls doing?" Jared asked, well knowing the answer.

"They are fine. We have a total of one hundred children all showing no difficulties. Though we are unsure of the development of the ones with genetic material donated by..."

"Edema," finished Jared when it was obvious that Lorelei didn't know how to put it.

"Well, and ever since the girls got ahold of those tapes that Sakyo had left behind..."

Jared actually didn't register that for a moment. When he did, he did a quick Farseeing spell. The results made him wince.

--------

The girl in the sailor suit leapt to the top of a building and posed in typical sentai fashion. "Quickly, Sailor Chocolatte! We must find the missing Princess!"

"Right, Sailor Mars Bar! Errr, princess?" Another girl in a blue-white sailor suit, this one with an odango hairstyle that looked absolutely ridiculous, asked the one in the red-white sailor suit.

"Princess Lorelei," said a girl in a sailor suit with facial markings. "Sailor Bellcandy will rescue her!"

"That's supposed to be 'Belldandy'," corrected a girl with short hair in a two tone blue sailor suit. "I think."

Fifteen girls went into a group sentai pose.

"For Love!"

"For Justice!"

"For Cuddling!"

"For Niceness!"

"For Chocolate!"

"SAILOR TEAM - GO!"

--------

Jared twitched. LOTS. That each and every one of the girls had skin that was a shade of brown to near-black, with white hair, what looked like hand-stitched sailor costumes, and had hairdos and makeup to resemble some anime character. There was a drow Belldandy in a very modest seifuku. There was a "Sailor Urd" whose seifuku would be barely legal if she were older. They were still kids, he estimated that the oldest - "Sailor Chocolate" would be twelve. "How old?"

"The oldest one of the new children is the equivelant of twelve. We used accelerated growth techniques because we feared another attack might wipe out our cloning." Lorelei twitched, drawing herself up under her blindfold. Maybe she was going to be turned into a slug at any moment, but she'd done the best she could.

"Oh, and would you STOP waiting there for me to turn you into a frog? I..."

Something occurred to Jared. Lorelei was dealing with a crushing amount of guilt. If he did nothing she'd find a way to punish herself. The cloning process was well underway, and it no longer required her presence. Tigel's Maiden Circuit had been fixed, Ginseng had advanced their automated processes and marionette technology, and Lorelei had pretty much fulfilled her purpose. She had fallen in love with Otaru Mamiya, but would never do anything as it would jeapordize his relationships with his three marionettes - whom Lorelei regarded as her daughters.

She held herself directly responsible for the disaster that had killed almost everyone on the Mesopotamia, for the wars and hardship thereafter, even Faust's mania. When she had mishandled the situation with Grey and then Ginseng - she had gone ahead and done it even as the acts ate away at her further.

So, if he didn't come up with some "punishment" - she'd likely attempt suicide as reparation. Either that or slowly go insane from guilt. He had to come up with *something* that she'd regard as punishment or judgement.

Jared sighed as he looked at the trembling blindfolded young woman. He had an idea.

---------

Ranma/Akumakun timeline:

There were people that Grey (still physically a twin to Akane Tendo) would have expected to ride to his (currently her) rescue. There were people (and places and things, some of whom were also people) that would have been a relief and a pleasure to see. Ami for one.

Then there were people that he either feared (or was at least moderately nervous around), or would prefer to see under *very* different circumstances. Then there were people he would very much like to avoid under any circumstances. Then there were finally people he never expected to see again and had largely forgotten about even with the current crush of memories crowding in on him. (Even though he was currently a she, he tended to think of himself as he unless someone was being boorish and pointing out that she was a she. And if you think that was confusing you begin to understand how completely out-of-sorts Grey was feeling at the moment. Things had gone from "roller coaster out of control and who the heck's designed this thing anyway" to "i think i left my stomach behind two curves and a dip ago, and is that a big gap in the tracks just ahead?")

There were some people you just never expected to see as allies. There were some pairings that not only completely bent the suspension of disbelief, but sounded like a recipe for disaster if not Armaggedon. Kei & Yuri of the Dirty Pair were safe and sane compared to the duo.

"Morrigan Aenslad and Silver Queen Serenity?!" Grey whispered. He'd met Morrigan, of course. She was a succubus, of sorts. He had been an incubus. She working for the Demonlands and fighting on that Darkstalkers circuit. He had been working a temp job with Divine Intervention at the time. As he recalled, it had been the first time he'd tried...

one of Raphael's pokeballs. Oh dear.

And who would have guessed that the kinky succubus would have found such an experience a turn-on? She'd apparently gotten tired of fighting Dimitri on a regular basis, particularly with his ideas about micromanaging and had an enormous amount of trouble finding guys who would actually listen to her. The entire idea of playing some sort of peekaboo pikachu to some guy had gotten her intrigued. They'd parted company as he'd been an incubus and hadn't known exactly what would happen if he *had* responded to her charms. Other than it would likely be bad for one or both of them.

Oh dear again. He wasn't exactly an incubus now, was he? Well, considering Morrigan's tastes, if the Pheonix Mage showed up, Morrigan would probably gravitate to him. He was much more forceful. And currently male. Morrigan did at least *prefer* males for some things.

Queen Serenity of the Silver Millenium, mother of Princess Serenity, was another matter altogether. They had parted on poor terms in the Silver Millenium, with his Aspect of that era banished from court not too long after the birth of his daughter. "Sara" (his pet name for her) had then been resurrected during the First Labor by the Pheonix Mage, and they had reconciled to some extent. Still, she remained the controlling Queen and he was pretty sure that *she* would continually call the shots and micromanage *him.* She had been pretty demanding.

Those two cooperating? The mind boggled just at dealing with them not trying to kill each other.

"Do you, Makoto mumble mutter mutter mumble mumble mumble so long as y'all do live?"

Aware on some level that she had just been addressed, and that the priest was trying to hurry the marriage ceremony while the two on the ridge were making a speech, Makoto slipped back into her role. "W'all yup, I surely do."

"And do you, Grey, mutter mumble mumble mumble mutter mumble mumble mumble this young gal?"

Still in shock, the current Akane lookalike nodded.

Toltiir smirked in his disguise. Too easy. "I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Makoto twitched, having forgotten about that part.

Queen Serenity drew her wand. Morrigan leapt into the air. Guns were swiveled and brought to bear by various villains. The train sounded again as it approached. One voice actress screamed, one cursed, and a manga artist yelled to the heavens that she was getting major stressed out.

Grey, now seeing an opportunity, pivoted to begin a martial arts attack. Unfortunately, Makoto grit her teeth, grabbed Grey, and despite her current resemblence to Akane Tendo, kissed her. At which point Grey forgot entirely what the heck she'd been doing.

At which point, to *really* confuse things, Ami and the others finally arrived on the scene.

---------

Jared reared his horse on the top of the ridge in true Old West style, preparing to send Wildhorn in a truly impressive rush forward to break up this shotgun marriage.

Instead he and his horse merely stared.

There was "Akane" all right, in a wedding dress. There was some guy (?!) who looked suspiciously like his Lita in a bad costume doing some quick liplock. There was "Akane" fainting...

There were Black Bart's men (and Dakota) pointing weapons at an attacking Queen Serenity and... Morrigan Aenslad?!

There was Nabiki bounding off with a bag of pokeballs she'd just pickpocketed off of him.

There was a whole crowd of Sailor Scouts in American Old West costumes rushing into the canyon apparently on the same mission as himself.

There were three civilians who had obviously wandered into this insanity without any idea of what they'd gotten into.

There was Ryoga Hibiki, wandering into the very same chaos and trying to ask Amy for directions.

There was Soun Tendo leading a posse in a rush forward.

There was... ?!

Jared looked to the little trail of dust marking where Nabiki was using her feline speed to head back home with her prize. Several disasters were occurring at the same time. ~What the heck is Nabiki after my 'balls for? Arrggghhh. stop the train... stop the fight... or do I stop Nabiki... or... Arrgghhh.~

----------

"To protect the world from devastation," said Silver (former) Queen Serenity, posing.

"To show our love with consummation," appended Morrigan, earning her a glare from her partner.

"To embrace the good of truth and love," growled Serenity, still glaring at Morrigan.

"For a lemon scene on the moon above!" Morrigan could have a one-track mind at times.

"Serenity!" The woman with the long ponytails leapt into the air, drawing her Sceptre.

"Morrigan!" The succubus leapt also, batwings spreading instinctively.

"Team Royal, ready day or night!"

"Ready for lovin' and for a good fight!"

Oddly enough, if there hadn't been a fight erupting with Black Bart's Dirty Dozen, the two might have gone for a fight between themselves at this point. Serenity definitely preferred a more sophisticated image. As it was...

A group of not-the-Senshi (plus three Evangelion characters) in Old West clothing arrived. "Y'all put your hands up!" "Yeeeha!" "Can we get off these damn horses yet?" "Aaaaaaaaa! How do you stop these things!"

Soun Tendo, newly appointed Sherriff, rushed forward to stop the events. Unfortunately, horse riding was not on his list of skills acquired serving under Happosai. He collided almost immediately with Usagi, whose horsemanship skills were even worse. His posse, following Soun, also collided with other riders. Mostly.

Dakota dropped her gun and slipped her brass knuckles on. "This here looks like an old fashioned barfight! Yeeha!" And as she was a practitioner of Old West Martial Arts Barmaiding, she considered this her own area of strength. Besides it sure beat being an Office Lady.

Currently down to six members (two being with Black Bart, Dakota off on her own mission of mayhem, and three others on vacation), the Dirty Dozen started firing wildly at opponents. Of course, being villains, they missed a lot.

A "priest" quickly finished stringing together a set of conditions and oaths that bore a vague resemblence to a marriage ceremony.

A genetically engineered version of Makoto Kino briefly grabbed and kissed Grey, completely forgetting in her dismay at having to kiss someone who was currently another girl that her genetically engineered strength and toughness were quite in excess of even uncute tomboys.

The train continued to come, despite the two young ladies tied to the railroad track being somewhat opposed to its continued movement.

The manga writer/artist observed as much as she could, and her fingers flexed as she tried to imagine writing this as a series. However, as she was a *shojo* specialist, obviously the main character was going to have to be one of these women. And as there was some handsome fellow riding down the ridge, that would have to be her boyfriend - fulfilling the same role as Tuxedo Kamen had in Sailor Moon.

Grey, currently passed out from having Makoto accidently squish her till ribs had cracked, and still looking like Akane, would have been properly horrified and revolted.

In a completely unexpected move, three people who had tracked down "Sabre Mars" (or more accurately, one tracker, her boyfriend, and her partner) glanced at each other and also leapt into the fray. "ALL OF YOU, YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!"

Yes, it *was* shaping up pretty much like a typical day back at the range.

----------

Another world/another timeline:

"y-y-you monster..."

The albino waggled a finger. "Your assessment is correct, even if it's coming from someone in a punishment sphere. You lost, Colonel Corazon Santiago. You lost, and your faction lost."

The woman raised her head, staring at the man. "My people will rise! You will not be able to keep what you have gathered! The remaining factions will not tolerate your power-grabbing ways. You baeeeeaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAA..."

"Now now," said the albino as he cut the pain level back down. "There are some holes in your argument. Neither Lady Deidre Skye's 'Daughters Of Gaia' nor the 'Human Hive' have protested my control. Yang picked me as his successor, after all."

"Was that before or after you killed him?"

"Tsk." The albino shook his head. "Why do you think I've killed Chairman Sheng-ji Yang? Yin, would you come here?"

The Colonel looked at the girl who came from behind the controls of the Sphere and knelt by the pale-skinned monster who had now conquered three of the factions. Obviously a genejack - a genetically engineered worker. She even had the tattooed barcode that marked her as property. Typical of courtesan types, overly topheavy, hairless, seemingly in her late teens.

"Colonel, meet Yin. Yin, this is the nasty bad Colonel Santiago. What do you think?"

"She not as pretty as Deidre. You make her pretty, Master?"

The albino met Santiago's horrified eyes. "Yes indeed, Colonel. Genejack techniques, cloning, Mind-Machine-Interface, and the Punishment Sphere that you yourself developed. Or scientists under your direction at least. Taking a wrinkled and hateful old man, making a lovely and loving young girl. Very useful don't you think?" This wasn't, of course, Yang. Merely genecrafted from his genetic material. Sephiroth had endured all of the Colonel's insults in building to this point, and watching her twist was rather enjoyable.

Colonel Santiago watched as another figure walked forward and stood next to "Yin."

"You know Lady Deidre, I believe." The albino considered the woman in a technician's uniform. "The process was refined considerably by the time she was caught. And she made such a fine subject that there are now over two dozen Deidre who are working various tasks."

"...you monster..." Colonel Santiago repeated, shocked. "When the others learn about this, they'll destroy you!"

"Colonel, I've already replaced two of them with deep-programmed clones. But I tire of this conversation," the albino clapped his hands and the two workers went to stations. "Goodbye for now, Colonel. When we meet again, I'm sure you'll make a fine worker. Your genetic material shows signs of being excellent."

"Bastard."

"True, though my name is Sephiroth. You, however, will come to call me Master." The monster smiled with some amusement at his latest victim and let the two work while he attended to more pressing matters.

-------

Ranma/Akumakun timeline:

"Sabre Mars" was a vigilante, not all that different from Strikeman in an odd way.

Still, twice that they had known of, Sabre Mars had come to the assistance of the Bokutoh Police Precinct. Miyuki Kobayakawa had tracked the individual down and had prepared to give the girl a scolding and then recruit her to attend the academy. Then this story about an exorcism gone wrong, followed by "Sabre Mars" vanishing.

Yuriko had brought the story of the return of the "Red Rider" which Miyuki had determined *was* Sabre Mars who was actually the mysterious miracle-working shrine priestess Akane Tendo. Well *a* Akane Tendo, at least. There seemed to be one which was a furry panty-thief.

Natsume Sujimoto knew all this but it was mainly a chance to whomp on some bad guys that had her enthusiasm up.

Ken Nakajima knew all this too. And frankly the "White Hawk of Bokutoh Precinct" was hoping to get the nerve up to ask Kobayakawa out, except that suddenly he was getting a little voice screaming DANGER at him from that guy on the really damn big horse.

"Yaaah!" While a certain Haruka Ten'ou and a certain Natsume Sujimoto traded punches, and a certain Ken Nakajima tried to engage a certain Pheonix Mage in combat, things were about to get even worse.

--------------

Krieger leaned against the fence post, staring out over the prairie with the end of a long stalk of wheat grass stuck in his mouth.

"Is he ever coming back?" A shy voice asked behind him.

"Hmph! Good riddance!" Mustered a far more fiercesome voice.

Krieger tipped his hat down low over his eyes. He hadn't liked the sister he'd found to take care of Kasumi. The evil half of Akane, they'd called her. Wouldn't be unknown in the West to have a wicked an a downright saintly sister make up a set of twins. But she was the one he'd found, though he was beginning to suspect that Bart had been up to rather alot lately.

Classy he may be, but villain he still was. They had to be purged from time to time to keep them respectful and prevent them from getting *too* entrenched in. The plain and simple fact was if a villain was allowed to hang around too long they ended up owning everything. Then they became respectable business types more often than not. Helluva fate for an aspiring villain.

Krieger saw what he'd been looking for, and turned back toward the ladies. "That's it." He said, pointing over his shoulder.

"What's it?" Akane demanded, staring at the distant hillside until she'd spotted what Kasumi saw at once.

The rider on his horse wheeled just in time to rear the mighty steed with the setting sun behind him before taking off and plunging down the opposite side of the hill.

"What does that mean?" Kasumi asked quietly.

Krieger spat into the dust. "Y'all saw the hero ride off into the sunset and had ta ask?"

"But..."

The blade of grass wiggled as Krieger chewed on it, watching the pretty lass' face as she attempted to process this sighting. The cowboy slipped his boots on a little tighter and mellowed at the suffering he saw there. "Yeah, lucky me I had Ranma catch up to 'im affor it'd happened and slip 'im a scroll wit the rest o' the Old West Ranching techniques." The Rancher eyed the young lady thoughtfully. "'Cause when a hero rides off inta the sunset he ain't ever coming back."

"So what's the big deal??" Akane shouted, upset that anyone should care about this.

"What did that Bart tell ya about who 'is parent were?" Krieger seemed to ignore both girls as he waited for the stars to come out.

"His mother was a rattlesnake and his father shot his..." Kasumi trailed off, the boast she'd heard so often suddenly turning to poison on her lips.

Krieger pretended to study the bricks of his chimney. "Yep. That's what I heard. Ain't proper fer a villain ta say, 'Well, mah pappy married the widow Jones an after four years wit lots o children, he decided banking jest wasn't having the proper return on investment and decided ta go swindel a few ranchers outta their longhorns'. Iffn he wants ta raise villain kids ta pass on 'is school, an y'all can bet he'll want ta, y'all better bet they gotta have stories ta tell about their tortured unbringin's, an' the parents er either absent er such folks as you'd
rather step on than look at. It's the Code of the West." He paused to pose in a brief ray of late evening sunshine.

The Rancher directed to Kasumi a very steady gaze. "Ranching is the Founding School of *all* the Old West styles. Iffn *I* don't know the rules, they ain't happenin. An I can tell you that villains *do* marry all the time." He nodded sagely. "As many as three er four times a week
depending on how many o their schemes work out. It's standard villain policy ta marry as many rich young things an pretty widows as they can ta defraud 'em o their property, then o course they abandon em, er better yet strangle em. Ain't fer no reason we heros *try* so dang hard ta
prevent them gettin hitched. 'Sides," the rancher spat again. "Adultery is wicked an wicked is villainous. It's a straight line from one ta the other. Ain't no deviation from it. So 'less that Black Bart don't *LIKE* bein a villain an is ready ta give it all the great Heave Ho... You ever heard 'im say anythin like that?"

Kasumi had grown very pale and still. Akane had grown bored and absently swiped Krieger's underwear. He paid it no mind, thinkin that he hadn't washed 'em yet this week anyhow an when she discovered that the look on her face ought ta be somethin ta see.

When the priceless moment happened, Krieger just shot the lame-faced shaking girl a slim grin and addressed the older sister. "Bart done pegged you as a Girl Gone The Wrong Way an not yet nowin bout it. Well, them lasses er saved by their own righteous convictions er not at all."
He motioned toward the hill the sun had just set behind. "An your hero jest decided that he ain't the faith in ya ta sacrifice 'imself puttin out plots long enough ta find out. From what that says o ya there ain't a man in these here terratories that'll marry ya cept that one that jest left." Krieger nodded gravely. "Iffn yer still in time ta catch 'im."

Kasumi resumed shaking somewhat. "Um, Mr. Krieger, I was... If you... What I mean is..." She stared at him helplessly, knotting the apron in her hands.

Krieger smiled, tipping back the brim of his hat. "Well, it jest so happen I got mah horse all hooked up ta mah carriage an was thinkin of taking in fer an evenin stroll er a quiet ride. Who knows what we may turn up iffn we head, ooh, say thataway?" The cowboy grinned. "Whats say
we head 'im off at the pass an you can ask that young man whatever question y'all may have on yer mind?"

The look of gratitude in the young woman's face was worth all his trouble. Akane had fallen over and was twitching slightly and the fragrant underwear still dangled from her hand. Krieger stepped over her as he helped Kasumi into the carriage.

========

Itazura Nekoka(no). Mischievous feline. As if you didn't know. Toltiir is portrayed as an alien and ancient being of nearly infinite power. Take on Cthulhu? Sure, but you'd have to find a way to make it funny. Some jokes fall flat, which is because he doesn't quite understand a lot of things that make up mortal existence. In personality terms, he's much like a child (or Roger Rabbit). Time, matter, energy, space, all concepts that he ignores or plays with from moment to moment. Chaos was boring, so he changed his portfolio to mischief. A being from my AD&D campaign, one of several who provided the background for many evenings of adventure.

Ryoga and Mihoshi, trapped on an island on a resort planet with shallow seas and many tropical islands. Will Ryoga escape this hell in order to pursue his vengeance on Ranma, or will he merely get a lot of nosebleeds? i don't plan on exploring either option, and it is left entirely to the imagination of the reader. Anyone who wants to write a short Epilogue passage for any of the characters like the SMJ cast or Ryoga+Mihoshi for inclusion in Chapter 22, please do so.

Naoko Takeuchi in real life went to PQ Angels after Sailor Moon. It wasn't nearly as popular and it was stopped after a "first part". By a translated interview, she was sufficiently stressed out by the schedule in SM that her skin was breaking out and her stomach was constantly upset. (Sympathies, been there, done that, myself.) She has since gone on to write a few other features, and is in the process of making a comeback.
http://www.nwlink.com/~kurozuki/naoko.htm is the source for her characterization here.

Yes, i'm well aware of the Ami+Makoto, Usagi+Rei factions out there. No, i don't think Takeuchi was caught with her hand in a cookie jar or any other compromising place. Yes, i do think the only actually mature relationship shown is Haruka+Michiru, though if you give Usagi+Mamoru a few years to mature they might eventually get there. Usagi+Mamoru gets more trouble because its more central than Michiru+Haruka. And no, i don't think that it's Haruka who is the more dominant in that relationship. Given half a chance i honestly think Makoto or Ami or Minako would have grabbed a male romantic lead and the only thing you'd see of him was her smile. From comments in Takeuchi's interviews, there was a certain degree of transference for the author's "boy troubles" to her characters in the series.

After this series, i'm taking a break from SI to go back to writing other stories, though i'm getting a bit less enchanted with the Ranma series every time i read the manga or the Ranma Project. Sailor Moon (though i find the sentai stuff annoying), Sabre Marionette J (the series was absolutely wonderful even if the ending was contrived and Hayashibara's voice acting in places was literally awesome), Pokemon (silly overly cute critters to the side, the Misty + Ash pairing is less grating than Ranma + Akane and has more potential for stability), and maybe a return to Aramar or Dragon Highway. i *do* have several scenes done for 4th Labor, as well as an idea of where to go on the plot.

There are fanfics i'd dearly love to see finished that other people are doing. Rainman's "A Twisted Fate" has serious possibilities, for ex. Figure Four's "Sailor Marionette J". People who are out exploring possibilities that have *not* been done to death.

Little drow girls playing at being Sailor Senshi? Okay, admittedly, it's predictable and has been done to death. Irresistable though.

Sephiroth was mentioned a few chapters ago. Jared mentioned that he was looking for a few blackhearted villains and Sephiroth was what i came up with. Like Rei Ayanami, an albino clone. Instead of Yui Ikari, Gendo was the human donor. The raw power and psychopathic tendencies of Rei III (remember that Rei III put out an AT field stronger than Kaoru's). The immorality and manipulativeness of Gendo Ikari. Access to the technological base of the End Of Evangelion. Set loose in the "Human Hive" of the computer game "Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri." Figure he'd own the place before very long. Since Jared didn't think much of the concept, he's available.

=========