Saiyuki Fan Fiction / Saiyuki Reload Fan Fiction / Saiyuki Reload Gunlock Fan Fiction ❯ 'Long time dead' ❯ long time dead ( Chapter 2 )

Chapter 2

 

Getting a little alone time, or rather together time, was almost impossible in a rock n' roll band on the road. Smoldering looks and discreet gestures, the occasional brushing of arms or the stroking of legs beneath a communal table their only interaction. It was driving them both out their minds though they continued as normal. Sanzo as sullen and forbidding as ever. Gojyo incorrigible, hitting on even more fans than usual if that was possible. The priest didn't resent the kappa's `working with the fan base' as he referred to it. He knew it meant nothing, he'd felt the mans breath on his face, had seen the look deep in his eyes and felt the love in his touch, he knew nothing the red head did with the groupies would take away from what they had together. Then again the fact that Gojyo knew this to be true in a way that gave him the `cat that got the cream look' was slightly annoying.

 

Since Sanzo and Gojyo's first encounter the band had moved through several venues but they were keeping a tight schedule and had failed to spend more than a single night in any location. Long days were spent on the road, albeit in the luxury of their tour bus. The normally tolerable company of Hakkai and Goku becoming more of a strain with every passing hour. They both knew what had they had was worth waiting for but it didn't make it any easier.

 

xxxxx

 

Sanzo stared at his face in the bathroom mirror. The tired circles beneath his eyes were fading, he'd been sleeping much better since his discussion and…quality time spent with the damn cockroach. He turned on the tap but froze when he heard a knock on the door. `Get lost, if the room were free the door would be open moron.' Sanzo knew his voice had easily carried through the thin wood but seconds later the knocking resumed. `Whoever's out there you must really want to become a corpse.' The knocking came again and this time the priest switched off the water and turned to open the door and see who actually had a death wish.

 

As soon as he'd slid the lock back the door was forcefully pushed open and a tall figure slid round through the gap, immediately shutting the door behind him. Sanzo's anger cooled only a little when he realized it was Gojyo who'd disturbed his ablutions. `You seemed to be taking an awfully long time in here, thought you might want a hand, maybe someone to scrub your back?' smirked the demon.

`You fool!' hissed the monk angrily `Hakkai and Goku are just next door, don't you think they might wonder where we both are?' At this point the kappa's smirk broke into a full blown self-satisfied grin.

`Told them I was going out for smokes, even went and banged the apartment door so they'd hear me leave. I can be very quiet when I need to' The priest sighed, sure there was probably some flaw with Gojyo's thinking but unable to see it right now, more concerned with the sight of the part youkai's bare flesh as he slowly stripped.

 

`Fancy a shower? I don't know about you but I get really hot on stage.'

`I'd say you're pretty hot all the time.' Gojyo paused in his little strip tease, amazed that such a comment had passed the monks lips. Ahh his lips, the priest had such a sexy mouth, those full lips always pressed together, set in a line of seeming distaste, distrust or disgust. Pretty much any `dis' when it came down to it. Those lips were just begging for some attention. Gojyo leaned forward, pressing his naked torso against that of the shivering monk, raising his arm to push his fingers through the bright gold of Sanzo's hair. He pressed their lips together eliciting a small sigh from the blonde who swiftly opened his mouth to Gojyo.

 

Sanzo pushed him away `We can't do this cockroach, the walls are paper thin and those two are just next door'. The water demon smiled at the worried priest.

`The sound of running water hides a multitude of sins.' Gojyo stepped back, a smile on his face that was fairly close to pure evil, and Sanzo found it one hell of a turn on. Gojyo reached behind to turn on the shower, the hiss of water filling the room as steam began to form and slide across the walls. The kappa slowly unzipped his fly and slipped out of his pants, revealing the fact that he'd gone commando, something that really didn't surprise the priest.

 

Gojyo stepped into the shower and slowly began to wash himself, his eyes never making contact with Sanzo, paying him no attention though the whole show was clearly for his benefit. The slow movement of the kappa's hands across his own body was mesmerizing and it took all of Sanzo's control not to tear off his own clothes and join him in the steam. Gojyo's hands slipped lower and he turned now to fix his eyes on the monk. A small smile once again spread across his face as he slowly began to pleasure himself, his eyes never leaving the sharp purple of his lovers. Sanzo couldn't believe how arousing it was watching another man masturbating over him, red eyes fixed unblinkingly drinking him in.

 

With a final sigh he shrugged off his top and pushed down his pants with only momentary hesitation. He joined Gojyo in the shower, pulling the frosted door shut behind them and trapping them in their own private world with nothing but the rushing water and the heat of their bodies. `I'm only in here because I felt sorry for you'

`Whatever helps you sleep at night.' Gojyo let his erect cock slip from his fingers as he moved into Sanzo's personal space. He marveled not for the first time at the beauty of the young man. Okay so maybe his features were slightly effeminate but his eyes, his voice the way he moved, even the way he smelt was completely and utterly male. The contradiction's of the monk still amazed and attracted Gojyo.

 

He placed his hands on the angular planes of Sanzo's chest, pushing him back against the slippery tiled wall of the shower. He slipped his hands to the wall either side of the priest's blonde head, pinning him in place. He pushed his naked body against the monk's own bare skin, practically lying against him. Sanzo felt a stirring in his groin at the contact and closed his eyes, the image of Gojyo's tanned body with rivulets of water running across the surface and beading on his eyelashes was burned onto the inside of his eyelids. He felt the kappa's insistent lips on is own, he opened his mouth and Gojyo's tongue slid in against his own, stroking along his teeth and rubbing against the top of his mouth.

 

Sanzo sucked gently on his tongue, raising one hand to tangle in the kappa's wine red hair while resting his other hand on his golden hip, slowly stroking his lean stomach. Gojyo paused, pulling back from their kiss. `Turn around.' Sanzo stared at the kappa for a moment, violet eyes probing the depths of his red ones. He trusted Gojyo completely and there was nothing in his gaze to make him doubt him. There was nothing but lust in his eyes. The priest turned until he was staring at the tiles, he could dimly see the taller mans face hovering over his shoulder, reflected on the glazed wall. He felt his breath on his shoulder and closing his eyes surrendered to touch alone.

 

Gojyo could feel his blood quicken in his veins and his breathing became irregular, he couldn't quite believe the site before his eyes, the stuck up, cold hearted priest was stood before him, naked and open to suggestions. He ran his hands over the pale skin of his shoulders and down the tense muscles of his arms. Taking Sanzo's wrists he lifted his arms and placed the monk's palms flat against the wall on either side of his own head. He slipped a leg between Sanzo's and pushed them apart. Resting his lips on Sanzo's shoulder, feeling the water from the shower run around the edge of his mouth, he laid a trail of kisses down the priest's back.

 

Gojyo slipped out the shower but returned only seconds later having taken something from his screwed up clothes. He swiftly lubed himself up and prepared Sanzo with his fingers using his hair as a shield to prevent the water washing away the majority of the lube. He straightened up to whisper in the blonde's ear. `I'm gonna fuck you hard and fast against the wall, any objections?'

`You better make a damn good job of it' ground out the priest.

 

Sanzo gasped as Gojyo slid slowly inside him, taking care he didn't hurt the priest. As the pain ebbed away he began a steady rhythm but a rhythm that quickly increased in pace until he was slamming into the monk almost viciously. Sanzo writhed under him, his fingers scratching against the tiles for some kind of purchase and solidarity in a world of pleasure. He bit down on his lip to stop himself moaning loud enough to alert Hakkai and Goku who were just the other side of the corridor. He could feel blood trickle down his chin as he desperately tried to hold in his groans but the pain was nothing compared to the ecstasy he felt. He pushed against Gojyo, wanting it faster, harder, deeper.

 

Sanzo's own erection grew painful and he reached down to bring himself to climax. He began to think he couldn't take much more when he felt Gojyo's entire body stiffen as with a final moan and thrust of his hips the half youkai came, spurting inside him. Moments later Sanzo climaxed too over his hand and the shower wall. Gojyo leant against him, panting in his ear as the two young men fought to regain their breath. As their breathing eased Gojyo turned Sanzo to face him, taking his hand he slowly sucked his fingers clean of cum, taking them into his mouth and swirling his fingers around them. The kappa ran his hands through the soaking hair of his lover before letting his fingers slip form his mouth. Sanzo accepted one final kiss that tasted of cigarettes and Gojyo and strangely of himself before he opened the door and slipped out the shower.

 

The two men dried themselves in silence and swiftly dressed. `I'll go first' whispered Gojyo, his voice still sounding impossibly loud after the heavy hiss of the water.

`I'll slip out the apartment then make a fuss coming in.' Sanzo nodded, his stomach knotting in apprehension as he watched the red head leave. He couldn't imagine the excuses he'd make to Hakkai and particularly Goku who so looked up to him if they were discovered. Hell he didn't even know the excuses he made to himself in order to get round the sordidness of what he did with the stupid cockroach. Then again it felt so right. When he wasn't with Gojyo he felt dead. As if when he'd looked down that dark tunnel of his gun barrel some part of him had been killed, like he lived now only for what he had with Gojyo. And even in his state Sanzo knew there was something terrible and dangerous about being so consumed and lost in another.

 

xxxxx

 

Sanzo sauntered into the main room of the hotel apartment, still rubbing his damp hair with a towel. Gojyo was already sprawled on the couch, a cigarette dangling from his lower lip. Sanzo sat stiffly at the table, sliding a Marlboro from his pack and lighting up, savoring the first bitter taste. He carefully observed Hakkai but could see nothing in the other mans expression that suggested he suspected a single thing. As far as he was concerned Gojyo had been out buying Hi-lites, the proof of which he was now smoking. For once Sanzo was pleased by the rain that served this time not to depress him but to excuse Gojyo's straggling wet hair. It also dulled Hakkai's senses as he was locked in his own memories, paying little heed to the affairs of those around him.

 

Sanzo relaxed, picking up the days paper he flicked idly through it, keeping half an eye on the kappa. Damn he looked hot with a cigarette hanging from his lips like that. Gojyo caught him in the act and smiled slightly putting all the more effort into smoking his stick with as much style and appeal as he could muster and he knew that to be quite a lot. Sanzo flicked his paper irritably and blocked that smile form his mind. When they got to the next town he'd have to have a word with Gojyo, something he was certainly looking forward to doing.

 

xxxxx

 

It was almost half two in the morning and Sanzo couldn't sleep. His thoughts were a mess, half formed ideas and imaginings tumbling over each other in a frenzy that refused to give him peace. Gojyo was at the centre of almost all of those thoughts, of all those questions. Why did the stupid pervy water sprite continue their relationship? What was in it for him? He could have any woman on the planet and Sanzo was pretty certain any man so why him?

 

The red head was undeniably a beautiful man, inside and out. His personality was raw but it was that energy that made him so alluring, so vivid, that made all others pale in significance to a boring shade of grey. Beneath his course behavior and lewd actions there was a heart of gold, to use a jaded expression. Gojyo was fiercely loyal and would die protecting something that mattered to him. Personality and heart aside his handsome angular face, fiery hair and eyes and lean muscled body were surely enough of a lure for any mortal. And then there was the way he fucked. Sanzo appreciated his opinion might be a little biased but even so.

 

He rolled over, pulling the bed clothes higher round his neck with a sigh. Sha Gojyo was amazing, why the hell was he kicking around with some mentally screwed priest. Sanzo had never really been able to see his own beauty. He saw his hair as blonde not gold. His eyes were unusual but was purple really a colour suited to a man? Sure he kept in shape but so did an awful lot of other men. Only through the admiring glances of others had he learnt to appreciate his own looks but he knew he was a shell, empty. His eyes reflected so little of his soul, his mouth gave away so little of what he was thinking, he seemed so often to be emotionally dead.

 

There was the anger, he smiled ruefully, people always noticed the anger. Anger at a past that had twisted his future so badly he could barely see the road. In Sanzo's view it wasn't he who was the golden sun, but Gojyo. A fiery sun that showed him a road he couldn't find on his own and that he'd found certainly didn't lie at the bottom of a bottle. He saw no reason why Gojyo should accompany him on the dark path through his soul, he wouldn't wish that on anyone.

 

He reached up and ran his fingers through his hair. He knew what he had to do, it was going to be hard but for the first time in a long time he found himself caring about someone enough to sacrifice everything. He had to give up Gojyo, not give him up but rather let him go. He couldn't chain such a wild spirit to his own, it was wrong and he wouldn't drag such a beautiful soul down with him. Sanzo had never been under any illusion of his path, it had always been a descent since that day when his master had died, hell probably before that time. Some people had seen in his eyes a demon, others an angel. Sanzo had often thought on this in the dark hours of the night, he alone knew what he truly was. A falling angel, a true demon, his fall had been the fall of a lifetime and when it ended he wasn't taking out anyone else with him. From the day he was born til the day he died, the only side he'd be on was his own. And his side was a one man team.

 

xxxxx

 

Gojyo sensed the door opening rather than heard it. He smiled to himself, unable to see Sanzo approach in the dark, everything left to the imagination, and the erogappa's imagination was very good. He ran his tongue lightly over his lips, sighing slightly at the prospect of his lovers kiss. It never came. Bed springs creaked and he felt the mattress go down under the priest's weight. He rolled into the depression but was surprised when he found Sanzo to merely be sat on the edge of the bed, fully clothed.

 

`Sanzo?' The silence stretched out with nothing to fill it but the two men's shallow breathing. Finally Sanzo broke the silence, his voice cold and flat, deader than Gojyo had ever heard it before and far more disturbing.

`It's over Gojyo, I can't do this anymore and you shouldn't have to'. Gojyo's brows came down in thought, trying to figure out the cryptic meaning of the monks words but his head was empty except for the echoing words `it's over'.

`No. No, you can't just blow me off, you can't just reject me like that!' The red head pushed himself up on his elbows, a frantic hand reaching for the priest's shirt, rubbing the pale fabric between his slender fingers.

`What have I done?' The part youkai's voice was strained and thin, as choked with emotion as Sanzo's was devoid of it.

 

`You haven't done anything, you're not to blame. The failing of our agreement is my own fault, not yours'

`Agreement? What the fuck are you on about?! It wasn't an agreement, how can you make it sound both sordid and emotionless at the same time?! Gojyo raised a shaking hand to the blonde's cheek, only to have it swatted away.

`I love you for fuck's sake!'

`No you don't, I've been a distraction for you, nothing more. Do yourself a favour and forget about me. I'm leaving tomorrow, you'll find yourself another guitarist easily enough'.

 

Sanzo swiftly got to his feet, moving toward the door but with demonic speed Gojyo was on his feet and blocking his path. Strong hands gripping his elbows as he forced his lips against those of the priest, amazed to feel the wetness of tears on Sanzo's cheeks. He poured all his emotion into that kiss, not just the burning passion but the caring and the love, the deepest and most meaningful kiss he'd ever bestowed on anyone, man or women. This kiss wasn't lust but adoration, worship and love. Sanzo pushed him roughly away, a growl resounding form deep in his throat.

 

`Get off! You're better off without me!' Finally his voice had cracked, giving away his true emotion and Gojyo seized on it.

`See Sanzo? You want this as much as me, why deny yourself? I need you for fucks sake!'

`You don't need me. I'm the last thing you need!'

`I won't let you leave you bastard, why are you doing this to me? Sanzo's fist flew out, smashing full force into the kappa's jaw and snapping his head back.

`I'm saving you! Can't you see that!' He was screaming now, raw emotion tearing his vocal chords as his fist flied out again and again, striking the red heads face and chest. Gojyo never even raised his hands in defense, taking blow after blow until he saw his opening and wrapped his arms around the shorter man, pulling him to him and refusing to let him go.

 

Not for the first time Sanzo broke down in his embrace, tears wetting his shirt and mixing with the blood that dripped from Gojyo's chin. The ruby stain matching perfectly his eyes and hair.

`I have to go' whispered the guitarist brokenly, I can't tear apart your life as I have my own'

'Don't you see? You're what keeps my life together?'

`I'll drag you down!'

`You hold me up! Stop being such a selfish bastard. I won't let you leave, and I never will. If you run from me I will find you, I would journey form east to west or to the stars themselves to get you back. I'd fight anyone, I would die for you a thousand times over but you would never get away form me. The only way you could stop me would be to put a bullet in my brain and maybe even then I'd come after you'.

 

Sanzo lay still against his chest, eyes clouding in thought, his mind miles away. Gojyo reached down to press his bloodied mouth against the monks unresisting lips. Sanzo pulled back

`You taste of blood'

`And who's fault is that' Gojyo smiled a little, his knee's still feeling too weak, he couldn't believe how vulnerable the damn monk had made him, he'd never needed anyone before. Sanzo licked at the swiftly drying blood and guided Gojyo back to the bed. This time it was the kappa who stilled his lover's hands.

`No more talk of leaving?' Sanzo shook his head slowly, his eyes still far away.

`I'm going nowhere'. Their mouths met, hot and urgent with the iron tang of blood. Gojyo's hands tangled unconsciously in the blonde's hair and Sanzo's pale fingers stroked down the kappa's muscled torso and gently spread his thighs.

`I love you Gojyo and I swear I'll never leave you, I'll always be right by your side.'

 

xxxxx

 

The sound of a gunshot woke Gojyo from his exhausted sleep. His eyes flew open and he was upright before he'd even had time to think. His heart had dropped to his feet and he could feel tears tracking down his face. He knew in that first moment, as he stood in the first shafts of dawn's sunlight that he was too late. He'd felt a thread in his heart snap and a part of him wither. On leaden feet he left the empty room and moved across the corridor to Sanzo's door.

 

He didn't bother knocking, dead men didn't answer doors. He slowly turned the handle and let himself into the room. Sanzo lay on the bed, his body composed, his eyes shut. Blonde hair lay against his pillow like shimmering gold and for the first time Gojyo saw the angelic countenance, flawless and untwisted by anger or disdain. His alabaster skin paler then ever but for the crimson blossoming from the bullet hole in his head.

 

He waited for the loss to hit him but it never came, no sudden rush of emotion, he'd already felt it. Like a punch to the gut when he'd first woken up, now he was numb, but he knew what to do. He approached the bed and slowly scooped up the Smith and Wesson from Sanzo's nerveless grip. Raising it to his temple he closed his eyes, the image of Sanzo peaceful in death etched on his eyelids. Without even a sigh his finger eased on the trigger and the empty room echoed to its final metallic click.

 

xxxxx

 

Gojyo's eyes slowly opened, his gaze resting on the white wall before him. He lowered his arm and his gaze shifted to the pistol in his hand. He snapped open the gun to reveal five empty chambers and no bullets. He cast around the room for ammunition, careful to avoid looking at what had been Sanzo. He slid open the bedside drawer to reveal nothing but a piece of note paper, a piece of note paper with his name on it.

 

Gojyo

I know you may never forgive me for this but I don't need your forgiveness, what I need is for you to live your life. I guessed you'd come looking for bullets and therefore find this letter but if you kill yourself now I'll never forgive you. One of the first things you ever asked me was about you hair (which is beautiful by the way). You've always been hung up on the fact you're a child of taboo, a cursed life, but my life was the cursed one. I arrived at the temple withnothing and I never found a place for myself in this world and I never strived to. I have been fallingmy entire life and I wasn't taking you down with me. In your arms is the only place I'veever felt at home, you've given me my happiest memories, but that's all they are, memories, and that's all I should be to you. My only dying wish is that you continue your life as Sha Gojyo, the incorrigible rebel and that you find the lasting happiness you could never have had with me. I regret nothing. Make sure Hakkai keeps an eye on Goku for me, I don't think he'll ever understand this but my fate was sealed years ago when I first chose this gun.

I love you Sha Gojyo, never forget that but move on, live your life free from everything and bound by nothing.

 

xxxxx

 

Sha Gojyo never spoke to anyone of Sanzo, he sealed off those few short weeks, far too few weeks of his life as a private chapter. He never experienced those emotions again but he never felt their loss, he felt privileged to have ever felt them at all. Though countless others told him the words `I love you' in a variety of situations they never had the same ring to them. It brought a smile to his face just thinking of the words issuing from Sanzo's mouth. He had burnt the letter left to him. He knew Sanzo wanted him to sever all ties and the note would have been just that, a tie. He was also well aware of all he'd suffer from Sanzo if he ever let another living soul see Sanzo's written proclamation of love.

 

Sometimes late at night he questioned whether he'd killed Sanzo, whether he should or could have let him walk away that last night, the state both of their souls would have been in had they parted. Would Sanzo have killed himself that night when instead they'd first kissed? Would he have continued his half-life, drinking himself into the gutter or slowly killed his body with drug abuse? Gojyo knew that he would never know what could have been but he did know he'd made the priest happy, if only for a short time.

 

The band continued and most fans forgot the first guitarist. Life went on for all those involved and though Gojyo felt a part of him had died it was a part he could live without, a part he could cherish the loss of so long as the loss was to Genjyo Sanzo. If he said he didn't understand Sanzo's talk of a lifetime fall he'd be lying. He knew the first time the corrupt monk had come knocking on his door, sighting at him along that damn gun barrel he'd known from the look in those purple eyes that he was a man so clearly a long time dead.