Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ If I Stop To Think About It ❯ Chapter 1 ( Chapter 1 )

If I Stop to Think About It by GuiltyRed

Chapter One - Their Butts

If I stop to think about it, I like Hakkai's butt the best. It's soft and narrow, and doesn't bounce around much. He's quiet, too, and takes the time to listen to me.

He listens to the others, too. Never tries to inflame an argument, but fearless in pursuit of one engaged. His command of language is probably the best of the lot, too, unless you count swearing. That would be a toss-up between the rest of the group!

Hakkai is, in many ways, a solitary creature. Maybe that's why I like him so much. Either that, or we were friends in a former life. (Kyuu! Kyuu!) Anyway…

He is the calm one, the rational one, and yet, at the same time, the most dangerous one of us all. The calm is deceptive, you see. There is much going on just beneath the surface. And believe me, you don't want to know what it is.

Next favorite would have to be Goku. He's small and light enough, though he's always moving. I guess his butt's okay, it's his feet that give me problems: standing on the upholstery, kicking, jumping around. But he's kind enough, and manages to sneak me some extra treats once in a while.

Goku is probably the only one of us who has ever been innocent. He sees the world through fresh eyes, every day. When the others become weary or cynical, he's right there to shake them loose and wake them to his sunrise.

Though he isn't human (neither is Hakkai, but it's easy to forget that; he's scarier with the limiter on!), Goku isn't really demon, either. He's…something Else, something Ancient. Something that confounds the very gods above, and has done so for 500 years. When his limiter comes off, it's like I can hear the world hold its breath: his beauty and wild power tell you that what's to come will be memorable.

He's not scary, not to me, anyway. Now, the other two without nicotine, THAT'S scary! The lesser of the two evils would have to be Gojyo. Though he's a good bit heavier than Sanzo, at least he's usually relaxed.

Unless he's fighting with the monkey. I hate when they do that. Really, I do. Either they jump around or they flail madly or they distract my helpful driver, or they get Sanzo so riled up he pulls his gun on them. In my back seat! Hello! If he misses, they'll need a new Jeep! I swear, one of these days *poof*, I'm changing on them and dropping their sorry asses on the "road"!

Sorry about that. Anyway, Gojyo is the third least annoying butt I have to deal with. He's suave and pleasant, with a one-track mind. Well, usually a one-track mind. Sometimes he gets distracted by booze or smokes, but usually it's all about sex. Sex with pretty women, sex with hired assassins who LOOK like pretty women, sex with Hakkai…

That's Gojyo.

And my least favorite ass to haul around on this godforsaken journey has got to be Sanzo's. He's tense. All the time. You can feel it through the seat. I'm always worried that he's going to just snap and shoot me.

And he's always yelling at the two in the back seat like they were his kids. If he'd just lighten up, I'm sure they'd let him play with them sometime, but NOOO! The mighty Genjo Sanzo wouldn't lower himself to monkey games.

I swear, hasn't he figured out that the tree that never bends must one day break?

Maybe it's some kind of karma trip, like he was too laid-back and cheery in another life.

Either that, or he enjoys being uptight and pissy so much he keeps doing it.

Twisted bastard.

AN: Concerning reviews on any of my works: Boy, do I appreciate them. Most of you are very nice and I couldn't ask for better. I love the constructive criticism and adore your suggestions. However, those that flame me just to say that they shouldn't have bothered reading my works, get over it. There are plenty of published authors that you wouldn't bother to read. Not because they are terrible writers, but because their style or material doesn't interest you. At least my work doesn't take you hours, days, months to read.

I write for the joy it gives me. If writing flames gives you joy, go ahead, I won't stop you- but could you at the very least make sure your spelling is correct? Thank you.