Trigun Fan Fiction ❯ Midvalley's Serenade ❯ Lacerations ( Chapter 15 )

Lacerations

With my tears still falling, I feel the pressure of the choke chain on my neck again. The alley is quiet, there is only one of them and I want to live so I struggle with my attacker in the dark.

"Back off, fucker. Touch me, and I will kill you," I say fiercely, and elbow back hard into his gut. I hear him groan with pain, but the pressure on my throat continues. I turn to face my attacker and kill him with my bare hands if I have to, when the light came on and I saw Nick on his knees in the bed with the end of my bandage in his hand. He was hunched over as if in pain and the lamplight showed the gleam of tears on his cheeks.

"Your bandage came loose," he said to me in a husky voice. "It was starting to choke you. I was trying to help."

My heart was still racing from the memories evoked by my dream. My emotions were still so raw and out of control, I turned away from him and swung my legs over the edge of the bed and sat with my elbows on my knees. I felt unmanned and ashamed and I could not master the feelings of vulnerability that swept through me as my eyes still stung from fresh tears.

I felt Nick's hand on my shoulder and I shook it off. "Don't touch me."

It hurt to say it, but it felt right somehow. What had come over me? I stared at the floor while the memories of my rape and the images of Legato flashed in my brain. I lost track of time as silent tears slid down my cheeks to fall on the floor between my bare feet. Two nights of Legato in my face and I was losing it.

Finally I began to register the sounds in the room. I heard Nick's steps on the floor and saw his feet in front of me on the floor.

"At least, let me take a look at that cut for you, Midvalley," he said.

"Okay," I said.

"You should put a blanket around you. I don't want you going into shock again."

I was cold and my arms and legs were covered in gooseflesh. I sat on the bed, crossed my legs under me and pulled the blanket around me.

Nick didn't say anything to me. His hands were impersonal as they touched me and that was a blessing for once. He unwound the bandage while images from the dream kept flashing in my mind.

"The wound is healing fine. I guess the bandage got loose when you were thrashing around in your sleep. I'm going to leave it off. What's going on with you, Midvalley," Nick asked.

"It was just a bad dream. I'm fine."

"Can you tell me about it?"

"No need. I'm fine."

"Can you tell me what happened with the razor last night?"

"No."

"No?"

"It was an accident."

"Do you want to make love?"

"No!" I said, a little more forcefully than I intended.

Nick let out a harsh sigh of frustration.

"Midvalley, we need to talk."

"I don't want to. I should go back to my apartment," I said.

"Why are you acting like this?"

"You're starting to annoy me."

"Oh for crying out loud, what's come over you. You're like another person."

"Whatever," I said and started dressing.

Nick lit a cigarette and sighed deeply.

My shirt and pants on, I pulled on my shoes without tying them and got ready to leave.

"I don't understand. Tell me what's going on."

I pushed past him.

"Don't you walk out that door," he warned me in a tense voice. His voice was angry and his posture threatening.

"I never liked threats. If I walk out that door, what?" I challenged him.

"Nothing," he said and his voice and body softened. He said it very quietly. "Just please don't go."

I looked up and saw his eyes on me. The look he gave me seared me straight through to the heart so full of his naked need for me, that it broke the hold of the black mood had settled on me. Whatever else happened there was at least one thing I knew. I never wanted to lose him.

The power of our attraction was so great that I don't remember moving towards him or him towards me.

The magnetic pull of our lips was a force of its own and the electric kiss we shared re-ignited my empathic

link with him. The sick feeling in my head and stomach quieted when we reconnected and I could feel him relaxing into our kiss and putting his all into it. The tenderness of his emotion for me after the bitterness of the memory of my rape unmanned me again and I found myself weeping. I was beginning to despise myself for my weakness. I wanted to run but I needed his love so badly.

"Ah, Midvalley, please don't cry," he whispered in my ear, his voice choked by his own intense emotions. He guided me back to his bed, undid the fastenings of my pants, lay me back and buried his head in my crotch and began to use every trick of tongue and lips that he had learned from me to bring me gasping and moaning to the brink of climax. He stopped sucking to crawl up, straddle me and lean in to whisper in my ear.

"Do you want to fuck me, Midvalley? I know what you dreamed…I don't care who's on top. I just want to get close to you."

I didn't care that he had stopped so close to climax. I was miserable. I felt a lingering sadness from the reminder of my dream and tears filled my eyes again when I thought of Legato and of how much I was hiding from Nick. I hated myself for my evasions.

Nick pulled me up beside him, embraced me and laid his cheek alongside mine. My tears dried. My cock shriveled. I was cold.

"Let's get under the covers," he said. "It's cold in here."

We sat up against the headboard of the bed under the coverlet.

"Let's smoke," he said and lit a cigarette and put it into my hand. He put his arm around me and leaned in to me and we smoked for a while. I tentatively reached for him through our link and was surprised by the jumble of knotted feelings I read there. Worry, hope, confusion, sadness, anger, but above all, love, though his face showed only calm. I must have smoked down three quarters of the cigarette before I started to relax.

I heaved a deep sigh and said, "I ache all over. I didn't know how tense I was. If you want to have sex now, go ahead, I guess."

"Just because I've been horny as hell doesn't mean I can be bought off so easily," he murmured as he stroked my back tenderly and kissed my cheek to show me he meant no offense. "I only want to have sex if you want to. Do you want to?"

I didn't answer.

"For whatever reason you can't or won't talk to me about what's bothering you. I respect that but I have to get this off my chest. Just let me tell you what's on my mind, and feel free to say what's on yours. I remember when you asked me to tell you why I didn't like to sleep much. You told me then that I'd feel better if I told, and you were right. I think you'd feel better if you told me what's bothering you.

I sat quietly. I had no response.

"I remember saying to you on the sand steamer that I thought you'd had an affair with Legato and I accused you of wanting to cover up ours in case he wanted you back…"

I tensed up at this.

"It's okay, Midvalley. You never said you didn't. Like Legato, I'm not blind or stupid. I could see from the way he looked at you that he is attracted, and how could I blame him. What he said about your face when you are playing is true. You're way beyond good-looking and I'm not surprised that sax groupies were falling over themselves to sleep with you. I knew you had a history. And Legato is a fascinating guy. I can see how you might be attracted to him with the both of you talented the way you are and as kind as he was to you."

"I did have feelings for Legato," I admitted, "but we weren't together long, only two or three weeks, and then Master Knives needed him. Once he was with Knives, he never seemed to give me a backward glance."

"But he still feels something. I know he linked to you last night," said Nick.

"He did," I admitted.

"And you were so upset that somehow you ended up cutting your throat."

"That was an accident, Nick. . I have been very tense because even though you say you wouldn't mind if Legato was watching when we made love, it bothers me. I love you like I've never loved anyone except my mother. But I still have feelings for Legato."

"Oh," said Nick in a subdued tone.

"It's not like what I feel for you. I'm in awe of him. It's not easy caring for him. He hates himself so much. Sometimes I hate what he can do to me. He can enter my mind even when I'm trying to hold onto a private thought and I don't want the intrusion. It's almost like…" I faltered for the word.

"Rape?" said Nick softly.

I closed my eyes and nodded. He enfolded me in his arms and said softly, "I know you dreamed you were being raped."

"It was odd, Nick. It didn't feel like a dream. It was exactly how I remembered it.

"It must have been bad."

"It was. The things they did to me made me want to be in control in every relationship I've had since then. I have made sure that I was the one calling the shots, even with you, until I fell in love with you."

"Midvalley, I don't care if I'm giving or receiving…I just…" he sighed and pulled me close and closed my mouth with a passionate kiss wet kiss that aroused me. His lips traced the red line of the cut on my neck and his tenderness awakened my emotions. "I know the difference between rape and love, Nick," I whispered.

He unbuttoned my shirt and slipped it off. He was in no hurry to get laid. He seemed to value my pleasure above his and I let him take control of it. I closed my eyes and gave myself over to the sensations and feelings he awakened in me. His lower lip was as seductive as ever and I moaned as I sucked it between my own lips.

In response, he became more ardent than ever, caressing me and making me feel valued in a way that I had never known. He paused to oil his cock, then entered me with one slick thrust that opened my eyes. It hurt so good as he began to move in me, I closed my eyes and sighed, then heard a chuckle.

"Oh, this is nice! Twice the spice. I always liked our link and now I like it more. Mmm."

It was Legato. He gasped when Nick began to thrust deeper.

"Not used to seeing you on the receiving end, Hornfreak, but I can feel the pleasure he takes in you. Was it the lower lip that did it for you or the nipples? It had to have been. Mmmm."

I heard Legato moan and chuckle again.

"Stop it," I said, "No more!" I lost my focus and Nick paused in his stroking.

"What's wrong Midvalley? Am I hurting you?" he asked.

I shook my head, "It's Legato."

"Remember Caine and Pitts? How they didn't hear a word he said? Concentrate, Midvalley. Feel what I'm feeling, Midvalley. It's just like the music you play. Concentrate."

Just like the music, Nick said. It was true. No one could link to me while I was playing, not even Legato with all his power. I concentrated more deeply on the sensations Nick was giving me and thought of the song I had been writing the day before with Nick on my mind. I linked to Nick as if he were Silvia and Nick became my instrument. The song I played in my mind was Nick's song and the song I played was Nick.

The link between us opened wide and feeling and sensation flowed between us so electric, so alive. I opened myself to every feeling Nick gave me and gave it back to him.

Legato was trying to find an opening.

"Wait," said Legato.

I reveled in the exquisite sensation of Nick's tongue on my nipple.

"Horn." Legato's voice grew fainter and fainter.

I shivered in delight as Nick slid his hands over my chest and around my back, hugged me to him while he bore down and pushed his cock in and out of me.

"Frea"

The feel of Nick's hands on my ass was driving me crazy.

"k."

I pressed ever closer to Nick. Tenderness and passion and love flowed through our link until at last in the act we were one body, one heart, one mind, one soul. I came with a cry in a hot jet of sperm and moments later, Nick's body spasmed as if he were in pain, but the sensation I felt through the link was intense pleasure.

In a couple of moments, Nick pulled out of me and stretched out on his back beside me. His face had been transfigured by his experience, he was handsome, sexy as hell and wearing a broad grin of satisfaction. I think mine was just as broad and just as satisfied.

"God, it's good to see you looking happy again, Midvalley. You had me worried."

"Guess that's what happens when the sperm backs up into my brain."

Nick laughed at that, "Even your sense of humor is back!"

" Let's not let it go so long the next time. Celibacy is overrated."

"No argument there," he said with a smile. "It's still cold. I'm starting to get a little sleepy. Do you still want to go back to your apartment or can we stay together a little longer."

"I want to stay. Like I said, let's not let it go so long the next time. Here's hoping the next time is tomorrow morning."

"Mmmm," said Nick and he pulled me to him and spooned his body around me and reached over to turn out the light.

Nick whispered, "I love you," just before he dropped off to sleep. I slipped into a light doze and just as I was about to drop off into deeper sleep, I heard Legato's voice very soft and small as if it were coming from a great distance away.

"I'm so lonely," he said.

The feelings he sent me were pain and loneliness.

I sat up in bed. My sudden movement waked Nick, always a light sleeper.

"Are you all right, Midvalley? he asked.

"I just felt cold suddenly," I said, and it was true.

"Let me warm you again," said Nick and he pulled the coverlet over both of us and wrapped me in the heat of his body . Nick drifted off to sleep again.

I could not sleep. Memories of the night of the rape still filled my thoughts.

I remember I was lying in the alley, lost in despair, when I heard footsteps. I was so fearful I began to push myself up to my hands and knees. My voice wobbled when I said, "I'm ready."

"It's all right. I'm here now, Midvalley," said Legato's subtle voice.

I remember he knelt by me and put his hand on my back. I heard a rush of wind and choked on a swirl of dust and the next feeling I knew was the comfort of a mattress beneath me and the warmth of a blanket pulled over me.

"Sleep, Midvalley," I heard him whisper.

I remember the feel of gentle hands on me and a warm wet cloth, washing my face and chest.

I dreamed I felt soft lips on my wounds easing my pain and I heard the faintest whisper in the hollow of my ear, "Remember how I cared for you…"

Legato is lying naked on the bed beneath me. I kiss him as I thrust in him. The emotions I feel from him in our link are hope and fear, as I hear myself say, "I love you, Legato." He wants so much to believe me. He slips away from me and I follow him down a dark corridor.

I hear Legato's voice say, "I'm ready."

I am in a darkened room watching as Legato waits naked on his hands and knees. I hear a voice full of loathing say, "You disgust me. Put on the wig and coat. You sicken me as you are."

Legato fits a blonde wig over his indigo hair and slips a long red coat over his nakedness. The coat is missing its left sleeve. Legato kneels and goes onto all fours. A shadowy figure approaches him from behind, lifts the tail of the coat until Legato's ass is exposed. The man puts his arms around Legato's slender waist and jams his cock into the opening presented. Through our link I can feel the pain this causes. I feel rather than hear a small moan of pain. The movement throws Legato off-balance and he reaches behind him with his right hand to touch the man behind him. I know he is afraid to speak and the small gesture of his hand is the only way he feels he can get the man behind him to be more gentle.

The man hisses in disgust, "Don't touch me with that arm. Give me his arm," he commands. Legato reaches back with his left arm and the man grabs the offered hand and brings it to his mouth and kisses it as he fucks Legato's ass. Legato chokes back his pain. The man's thrusts grow more energetic and he twists the arm in the frenzy of his growing rapture. He interlaces his fingers with the left hand he is squeezing and he twists the arm harder and harder as he gets closer to his climax, then he screams out, "Vash! Vash!" as he comes and bites Legato hard on the back of his neck.

I feel Legato's physical pain through the link. The man leaves Legato as he first found him, on his hands and knees. Legato stands and takes off the wig and the coat. Legato wears his hair like a mask, but I know what he feels. His body aches from the indignities he has just endured. I can feel his sense of shame at the violation of his body, heart, and soul. He weeps but in his heart despite the pain, I can feel his love for the man who has just done this to him. Legato does not know the difference between rape and love.

I wake up in bed with Nick's arms curled tenderly around me, tears roll down my face.