Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ I Hate Him ❯ All the things I like you for make me want you more ( Chapter 19 )

Disclaimer: All characters belong to WeiB Kruez and Koyasu Takehito…And yo

mamma! Please, I got through finals, let's not sue tired and gaspy college students.

Smell came first, of faint cigarettes and Yohji's mix of cologne and aftershave. Perhaps it was because Aya blinked his eyes open to find his nose smashed against Yohji's cheek, holding onto the blonde like he had become nothing more than a scrawny teddy bear. He wasn't alone in hugging someone close, because the blonde had also thrown an arm around Aya's back in his sleep. He couldn't remember when it had happened, because there was something about Yohji that made him relax enough not to wake up at every sound in the room.

After Aya had awoken up to Omi and Ken setting the table for themselves as well, Yohji had reheated dinner and served Aya up the meal he had missed out on. He had just been too exhausted to do anything but land face first on the table and catch a long nap. When dinner had ended, Yohji had led Aya upstairs to go to bed… But, of course, they had wound up doing other things, Aya remembered with a blush. It was foolish to still be able to feel embarrassed about it after how many times he had sex.

It was pathetic that the only time he could finally find a good night's sleep was when Yohji screwed the living daylights out of him. Aya had tried to fall asleep in his own bed, he found himself cold and frightened every time, seeing shadows outside the window and hearing the creaking of the house. Maybe he was paranoid like Yohji said, but Aya couldn't dare risk it. Sleeping by himself had been nothing more than a horrible attempt that ended with sneaking back into Yohji's bed and secretly curling up next to him like any cat would to its master. Pathetic, really, to feel such joy that Yohji wanted him around, that Yohji was holding onto him with his mouth open in sleep.

Just the idea of moving in with Yohji made Aya feel a certain joyous anticipation. He had never been this excited before in his life. Aya had hated to admit it, but he couldn't wait for Aya-chan to leave. He wanted to move his few things into Yohji's room. Aya didn't have many personal possessions while Yohji seemed to collect even trash. The missions were over, the whoring was over. He was going to live normally this time, no matter the cost. Aya didn't have to be scared anymore. Yohji had decided to step into his life and insist that Aya rely on him. To depend on someone else was the most loathful and abhorrent thought to him. It interfered with his thoughts, made him hesitate with the pressure that another person cared about him. Aya needed to be alone if he was going to defend himself. The only time he could do fight anymore was when he let Abyssian take over.

And that was frightening to him. Aya hated suddenly finding himself in a pile of corpses, blood everywhere but with not one drop of it was his own. He hated seeing the bodies of the lack beasts and finding only finding human faces. He thought that since they were so corrupt and just plain evil, they wouldn't look like normal people, someone that had a family and a life just like he was used to. He was responsible for so many deaths. He didn't deserve this kind of happiness, no matter how much Yohji argued with him on the point. Yohji didn't understand that Aya could never stop hating himself. Knowing that if he thought about it any more, he probably wouldn't even want to face the day, Aya dragged himself out of those dark thoughts. If he lingered on those sorts of things for a while, his head would start to hurt. That was when the panic attacks came, and Aya's blood went cold at the thought of an oncoming episode. His breathing had quickened just remembering what it was like. That was enough to make Aya's eyes fly open and look around the room again, this time full aware.

Aya awoke next to Yohji in a sticky, messy sprawl that left him ashamed he had must have passed out on top of the older man. He was also slightly irritated Yohij hadn't seen fit to clean them up either after what had happened last night. The sheets were going to have to be washed again, but that wasn't his worst concern. Aya's hands were already starting to shake with the thought of what today had in store. That stupid, stupid goddamn race. Ken had better make good on his promise, or Aya was going to kill him in the most painful way possible along with Sebastian.

Aya pulled his arm off of Yohji's chest and tried to drag himself off of the man, hindered for a moment with their stomachs stuck together with sweaty skin and ejaculation... everywhere. Aya felt bile rise up in his throat, no matter who it was that he had woken up with, just so damn ashamed of it. Aya remembered what had happened last night a little more clearly now that he had this little bit of evidence to look at. He put a hand over his mouth, trying not to wake Yohji with the sounds of gagging so early in the morning. It was still dark in the room, but the window was grey outside with the morning light. Yohji wouldn't wake up for a while, no matter if there was a race going on today. Aya had to go take a shower now, even if it was Yohji. It didn't matter who it was, because Aya still felt ashamed whenever he felt some kind of pleasure. Aya felt dirty, the hair on the back of his neck lifting as he remembered other things that really couldn't ever be fully washed off no matter how hard he scrubbed. Things that were a lot worse than the remembrance of Yohji's hands on his hips. Yohji, who was never forceful but simply... something else, that made Aya feel human again.

Yohji slept on despite Aya's harsh awakening with his head tossed back on the pillows and his mouth open, snoring a little bit. Aya slid out slowly from between the sheets Yohji must have dragged over them afterwards, because he had passed out rather quickly. Aya's legs were stiff this morning as he found the floor with his toes and stepped out none too steadily from the bed. He glanced down at his body, naked and scarred and he hated it, but Yohji had been so damn warm and soft and comfortable last night. What if the blonde woke up and saw him wandering around without a single stitch of clothing? Waking up in this state of dress was just what Aya dreaded when he officially moved into Yohji's room. He just fucking knew that Yohji was waiting for the chance to see him without clothes the way a vulture would circle dying prey.

He had to find something to wear out between the halls, not about to wander around naked no matter how early it was, unlikely that anyone else was up. A pair of boxers were discarded on the floor and Aya was already putting his feet through before he realized they were Yohji's. Yohji's boxers were a bit too big and clung precariously to his hips. It was suprising to find underwear after discovering Yohji went without more often than Aya had ever imagined. He had thought Yohji had been joking when he'd crudely flirt and say he wasn't wearing anything under his pants. Didn't the man realize how... dangerous that was?

Aya's black t-shirt from two days ago was the first thing on the top of the laundry basket in the bottom of Yohji's closet. He wouldn't want to ruin a perfectly clean shirt just to hide the cum on his belly for the short distance to the bathroom. Aya also took the first clean long-sleeved shirt of his own that he saw, one of what he had secreted in Yohji's closest to get dressed without walking to his room with Aya-chan and Sebastian staying in there.

Aya went back to dig through Yohji's dresser with one hand, holding the clean shirt up so it wouldn't wrinkle. Aya found several pairs of pants and underwear he had put in there underneath Yohji's clothes without saying a thing and hoping that the blonde wouldn't notice. He didn't want to make it too obvious that he was comfortable in here. Yohji would surely say something stupid or obnoxious if he found out about it later, and Aya still had a hard time hiding how much Yohji's teasing could hurt. He never understood that it was a joke, figuring that Yohji was just finally being honest with him when it was sarcasm.

Aya took a pair of jeans and fresh briefs and closed the dresser with a loud scrap that he wasn't expecting, wincing and biting his lower lip as he glanced over to see if Yohji had woken up. Yohji didn't move once, and was likely to sleep in past noon if Aya didn't wake him up. Yohji was determined to get twelve hours of rest or more every night, no matter what was going on that day. Just like today.

Oh... Shit. The race, the race, the damn race. The realization hit Aya square in the face now, the panic held off for a bit because he'd been more worried about the comprising position he had woken up in. He felt sick. Aya closed his eyes, willing himself to not be sick before gathering the strength to stagger across bedroom over to the door. He didn't want to kiss Sebastian, he couldn't do it. He had thought he could earlier, but now that they were actually going to race, Aya wanted to tell them it was off. Why did he have to believe in Ken at the single moment? Didn't he only trust himself? What the hell was Yohji doing to him?

Aya opened and closed the door soundlessly in a rush, not wanting Yohji to wake up if he heard panting. The blonde could be a very light sleeper when it came to Aya making any noise out loud. Now that Aya was safely out in the hallway, he realized how reckless it was to wear only Yohji's boxers and a short-sleeved shirt, but it was doubtful he would run into anyone this morning. Still, with one glance anyone would notice the pale scarring outline with angry pink around his ankles or the beginning of the red slashes on the inside of his thighs that started above his knees. Or see the crusting pink scabs on his wrists and neck with a longer look, but it would look rather silly to have a sweater and a pair of socks on just to go to the bathroom. He had to be a man. When had he become so afraid of other people seeing his body?

Still, there was no sign of any life this early in the morning in the lazy grey darkness of the hallway. Aya went to the bathroom silent as a ghost, not about to wake up certain guests in their house, mainly Sebastian. And everyone else. He wouldn't want them to know what he was hiding underneath the clothes. Ken and Omi had sex so much they should be able to recognize the signs easily. Aya knew his hair was probably a mess and it was obvious he was walking slightly awkwardly when he had been fine before spending the night with Yohji again. Aya felt embarrassed about it and quickened his pace in the silent, dark hallway as he rushed into the bathroom and locked it behind him.

There was only darkness for a second, which was enough to make Aya feel panic curl up in his stomach. His free hand scrambled on the wall before he found the light switch next to the door, glancing around at the cold white tile and large mirror. The buzz of the lightbulb was his only companion. He liked it better this way since he could finally be alone and gather his thoughts without Yohji peeking over his shoulder. Aya only felt slightly better with the light on as he moved away from the door to set his clothing down neatly on top of the closed lid of the toilet. He couldn't stand the darkness, not any more.

Aya ran a hand through his hair out of habit before slipping out of his shirt hesitatingly. He felt nervous even though he was alone in the bathroom. Aya didn't like to be without clothes, with or without an audience. He would still see everything in the mirror or any other slightly reflective surface. That was more than enough reason to stay covered all the time.

Aya took off Yohji's boxers very slowly, dropping it to the floor along with the shirt. He walked the distance across the bathroom to the bath with his eyes down at the floor, not wanting to catch a glimpse of himself in the mirror. Memories were overwhelming whenever he caught a glimpse of himself in a windowpane at the shop, the side of the toaster, or in the blank television screen when he turned it off, cutting off all of his air. He leaned into the open tub and turned on the hot water for the showerhead. There was no reason to bathe with anything less than scalding. It was the only temperature that could burn away all of the shame and dirt that stayed stuck to his skin. He still didn't feel clean, and probably never would again.

The water was cold at first this early in the morning, so Aya had to stand there reluctantly outside of the stall while the pipes started to warm up. Aya couldn't help himself and glanced up, staring at the reflection, knowing that it had been a long time since he had ever really looked at himself. He couldn't stand the sight of his own body any more. All of the still-healing wounds and bruises were too much to look at. What could Yohji possibly be thinking when he said that he was beautiful? All Aya saw a sickly, thin thing in the mirror.

He had managed to gain back a little bit of weight from the food Yohji practically forced down his throat every couple of hours. Yohji made Aya eat more than he ever had his entire life, starting to watch him even more closely now after finding out Aya had been tossing most of the food in the trash when he wasn't looking. Now, Aya had discovered that spreading his food around on the plate made it look like he had eaten more than he really had. The muscle was coming back as well from what little exercises Yohji would let him do, but it wasn't enough. It would never be enough.

Aya watched the figure in the mirror as he ran one cold hand down his side, feeling the ribs underneath his palm. When had he let himself go so much? Aya couldn't remember the exact day he had stopped caring. Even when he came back alive from missions despite knowing he should have died and not another innocent that he had been too weak to protect, even then he had still at least been healthy. Prostitution had made him not give a damn about staying alive anymore. He had just wanted to fade away into nonexistence, quietly without anyone noticing. Aya still wanted to disappear. There was nothing left for him, with no practical skills for a job or even a fucking high school diploma. He should be thankful that Ken, Omi, and Yohji let him stay on in the flower shop after they stopped killing. He was, after all, an outsider. The three had been together long before he had ever leeched on. He was nothing more then a disease, a kind of cancer in human form.

What did Yohji see in him? Aya stared at his reflection as he examined all of the prominent scars. Carefully, almost embarrassed, he curiously touched his own ruined nipple for the first time, wondering at the scar tissue underneath his fingertips. Aya could remember the sharp shock of pain that had accompanied that wound. Aya listened the water hitting the inside of the bathtub, steam starting to rise out over the top of the shower door as he managed to tear his eyes away from the mirror.

What the hell was he doing, pitying himself like this? He wasn't even worth the effort. He was an ex-assassin, ex-prostitute and was barely able to make a proper floral arrangement. He was only good for sex or killing, and Yohji was interested in only one of those things. Why did Yohji have to insist that he kept on living? It wasn't even fucking worth it anymore! If Aya could have his way, he would have just wasted away in his bedroom like he had been doing before Yohji had so rudely interrupted him. It just wasn't fair that the older man was always able to affect hims, making Aya wishfully think for once in his life that someone might actually give a damn. When had what Yohji thought of him, or felt for him, mean anything?

Aya was used to being alone, but something about Yohji had made him want just one small shred of attention from him. Aya had always taken care of himself and didn't expect anyone to care about it. But, Yohji ended up doing so, touching that weak, shriveled thing inside that craved someone to care about him. And that feeling made him sick as well. Why didn't Yohji realize that he just wanted to die? That way, Aya wouldn't shame Yohji or Aya-chan anymore than he already had. He'd brought nothing but embarrassment to them, and they both deserved so much better.

Aya shook his head, running a hand through his hair to break eye contact with himself in the mirror. Where had all the defenses he'd created against these sorts of weak emotions had gone? Yohji couldn't have torn all them down. He wasn't starting to influence Aya when the idiot wasn't even in the room! He wasn't such an easy defeat. He refused to fall in love with someone so easily. Aya bit his lip again, realizing it was a failing argument against what had already happened. Imagine, him falling in love with a man like Yohji, who was always confident and sarcastic when Aya could only be timid and silent now. They were complete opposites, with Yohji confident and flippant, so much better at talk to people than Aya could ever be.

He closed his eyes, not wanting to see his reflection again. He shouldn't even be considered a human being anymore. He was no better then the 'black beasts' they had hunted so long ago. Aya sighed heavily, feeling sick and used and just plain battered. Why did he even bother to clean himself? It never made a difference, no matter how many times he took a shower in a day. The dirt was inside, in his heart and soul. He couldn't get that washed away, never.

Aya opened the shower door and stepped into the bathtub right under the spray of the water and couldn't help but flinch away from the heat at first. His body tried to jerk away instinctively and Aya forced himself to close the door and bear it, his skin crying out and smarting red all ready, so fucking delicate and white. He growled at this weakness, one more thing on the list of what was wrong with him. Furious with his lack of self-control for moving away from the hot water at first, for giving into emotions last night and dragging Yohji along in one desperate attempt to see if Yohji really did love him. Some things were only expressed by the flesh, and Aya was fucked up as all hell for not being able to figure things out any other way. A normal person could have talk it out or something. Aya forced himself to stand directly under the showerhead, no matter how much it burned or hurt him.

He deserved it.

* * *

"Ugggg," Yohji groaned, unable to say anything more comprehensible this early in the morning. He rolled off of his back and threw an arm out, expecting to find Aya somewhere near him on the mattress. There was nothing better then a good old fashion good-morning kiss, no matter how much Aya would protest once he woke up. Yohji had taken a few good many half-asleep, instinctive hits to get Aya used to someone kissing him in his sleep. Yohji opened his mouth and when his face hit the pillow, Yohji finally opened his eyes and looked around.

No Aya. Interesting. The room was now a certain special sterical 'Aya' clean, except where Yohji had dropped a few dirty clothes that hadn't been picked up this morning yet. He knew a morning cleaning was on the way. It was like clockwork with Aya when it came to cleaning the house. Did Omi and Ken even notice that everything was always dusted and wiped down? Lint didn't stand a chance in the house anymore with Aya trying to channel all of his fear and apprehension into something else.

It wasn't a first to wake up without Aya in the same bed, but usually Aya stayed in the same room until Yohji finally rolled out of bed. The only times Aya didn't stay until Yohji woke up was because the dreams had become too much and the redhead had left bed to pace a dent in the living room carpet until the sun rose onto a more decent hour. Aya almost seemed to like not getting any sleep, walking back and forth in his usual run from either side of the room between the television and coffee table as he chewed his lip and thought with a crinkle between his eyebrows. Yohji didn't know what Aya brooded on when he paced, but Aya was usually so engrossed in his thoughts that he didn't even notice when Yohji would watch him for several minutes from the stairs, leaning on the banister to watch his redhead worry himself sick and struck by how damn cute it was. Aya would never pace again if he knew Yohji liked it.

Yohji sighed, not at all pleased at this situation on waking up. He didn't like to have to conduct a massive search when the clock was blinking a six something at him until Aya was safely within eyesight again. Yohji was so tired his eyes weren't even focusing on the blurry red numbers, but he didn't like the redhead to wander. It was about time to invest in a leash to keep Aya by the bed while Yohji slept, just to be absolutely sure he wouldn't run off. Who knew what awaited Aya the moment he stepped out of Yohji's supervision? Nothing more than fucking psychos and rapists. He wasn't about to let Aya face that alone. The sheer amount of times Aya had been attacked after quitting was almost hysterical, if it didn't make Yohji's stomach knot and his bowels get cold.

Yohji also didn't want to move out of bed, so soft and warm and comfortable, almost like Aya but not quite as good. Yohji blinked, rubbing at his nose as he realized his was sticky, covered in sweat from Aya and a little bit of crusty something on his stomach, probably Aya's. It wasn't fair to wake up alone and need a bath. Should he find Aya first, or at least give himself a quick rinse down? Come to think of it, there was the humming of the water pipes already this early in the morning. Someone was taking a shower, and Yohji realized it must be Aya. There was no way Ken and Omi were awake yet with the sun just starting to rise in the window, casting short shadows into the dark alleyway between their house and the next. Aya-chan might be up, being Aya's sister, but Sebastian definitely wasn't awake yet. Yohji didn't know how Ken and Sebastian could sleep in so soundly on such an important morning, and knew that was exactly why Aya was up this early.

Aya ran on nervous tension, so wound up that he wouldn't be able to sleep for days, and adding that stupid fucking bet on top of that was already too much for Aya to handle. Yohji could only imagine what the insane little bastard had found to mope about now. It was a constant struggle to keep Aya on a simple, normal mind set that went along the lines of 'No, as much as you want to be, you're not responsible for everything that went wrong since the goddamn fucking Industrial Revolution,' or at least as far from homicidal as Yohji could manage. He was kind of glad that the sword was still in Aya's room, and hoped it remained that way. If Aya brought that katana in here, Yohji wouldn't feel half as confident about trying to seduce Aya.

Yohji threw an arm over his eyes, groaning at the thoughts of Aya. Maybe he could just sleep the rest of the day away and not have to deal with anything. Like the motorcycle race coming up. Fucking Ken and his brashness. If only Omi had been quicker in reigning in his dumb ass boyfriend… But, it was too late to regret things now. The morning was already here, and there was no reason to stay pissed at Ken. Right now, Yohji had to make sure that the brunette won and nothing else. He could be angry at Ken later, especially if the little impulsive shit lost.

So many things to do. He had to get out of bed now, find Aya and wash off. Yohji would much rather lounge in the bed until Aya yelled at him to get up, but it had been so long since Aya had done that Yohji figured there was no reason to wait around. The last time Aya had the courage to yell and kick someone's ass out of bed seemed like years ago. Since the redhead was already out and about doing whatever the fucked he pleased without leaving Yohji so much as a note, he might as well wake up and drag Aya back to bed. The redhead needed his sleep, a lot of sleep. As much as Yohji didn't want to lift a single muscle, finding out where Aya had run off to was his main concern. Yohji should really just start handcuffing him to the bed. That would solve these little dramas nicely.

"Aya!" Yohji moaned, even though the man wasn't in the room. He was irritated that the redhead hadn't seen fit to stay through out the entire morning. Damn it all to hell. His feet hit the ground first and Yohji didn't know if he should be thankful or not that he stayed standing. He would much rather pass out into the mattress again, but Aya was worrying him so much that he was just going to have to get up. Maybe it was because they were having a string of extremely bad days with Aya-chan and Sebastian visiting, but it seemed to Yohji that Aya was going downhill no matter how good he had been last night. The closer he got to Aya, the more the redhead just wanted to draw away. Yohji wasn't stupid. He could tell when someone didn't want to be around him. Aya desperately wanted someone to care but would die before accepting such affections. It was an oxymoron that drove Yohji absolutely goddamn crazy.

He pursed his lips, wondering just what curve ball Aya was going to throw today. The one time he really wanted to go steady with a person and really love him, not have just another fling; it had to be Aya Fujimiya. He was an emotional whirlpool on the best of days, ready to break into tears if someone just hit the right buttons, falling into depression so quickly that Yohji felt like he was watching a cartoon. Someone up high had to laughing his ass of at him right now. Yohji had never had patience to begin with, and he found himself gritting his teeth and somehow managing to stay quiet... most of the time just for Aya's sake, just because he really, really, really liked him.

Yohji scrubbed at his face as he staggered out the bedroom without even thinking to put on clothes. 'Modesty' was only a word to him now, something that Yohji didn't really feel anymore after so much sex with random partners. Men weren't meant to be awake at such god-awful hours, and he couldn't manage to care enough to put on pants. Yohji wished his sleeping pattern would rub off or something on Aya soon, because this 'early riser' thing was not going to work for him. Yohji wasn't cut out for it. No one should be up and about before one thirty in the afternoon. It was an unspoken law of the universe that a human being wasn't ready to have decent conversation until three in the afternoon.

Yohji managed to make it down the hallway to the bathroom door and threw his arm up on the wall to steady himself for a moment. The bed seemed to be calling Yohji's name right now. He knew it will still be warm and have the imprint of his body if he just ran back right now. But, inside the bathroom the sound of running water hitting a person's body, and Yohji immediately came to the deduction that since Aya was showering, he would be naked right now. Steam was rolling out the from the thin space between the bottom of the door and the floor and for some reason Yohji was grateful, because at least Aya wasn't taking a cold shower.

Yohji put a hand on the doorknob only to find that it wouldn't turn. Aya must have locked the door for some bizarre reason or another. He probably didn't want that asshole Sebastian to walk in on him while he was in the shower, no matter how early it was and unlikely to happen. He couldn't possibly be locking it against Yohji. Aya had probably expected him to sleep through a quick shower. Yohji put a hand to his chin as he stared at the keyhole, armed with only his birthday suit as he glared at the locked door. He couldn't break this one down so soon after they finally got his bedroom door repaired, and he couldn't very well knock on it.

Yohji thought very hard for a moment, a finger on his lip as he regarded the door. Aya wasn't going to stay in the shower forever, but he did have a tendency to take very long once. Yohji would have to get the door open quickly before Aya got out and ruined everything. He wanted to see Aya with wet hair and the priceless look of surprise on his face when he found Yohji in the bathroom with him. Yohji just had to get past this door without damaging it permanently...

Yohji grinned as he remembered exactly what was in their linen closest.

* * *

Aya turned off the water, his eyes narrowing as he noticed his hand he used was shaking. Aya brought the traitorous limb closer to his face, studying it to make sure it wasn't simply a trick of his eyes, because Aya simply did not tremble. His brain felt cooked inside of his skull and his skin was tight and painful around his fingers, like it had shrunk around his body. He was too warm to think, too tired to move. Maybe he would be able to go back to bed with Yohji for a while now, so perfectly hot and relaxed now that he had burned and scrubbed off a few layers of skin. It would be nice to lay there with the blonde and listen to him breath, slowly, with far more ease than Aya thought he could manage himself during sleep.

He opened up the shower door and reached blindly for a towel on the rack on the wall. Aya would get dressed again, go into Yohji's room and lie down until the older man rose, which probably wouldn't be until Aya finally had to wake him up so they could get going for the race. Noon was such a lingering threat that Aya thought he might be sick. Aya's eyes opened when he failed to find the towel, the metal hanger missing an important item that wasn't on the floor below. He looked at the empty rack in confusion, certain it had a towel when he had stepped into the shower. Towels certainly didn't walk off on their own. He glanced around the steamy, moist bathroom from the shower stall, too self-conscious to step out even if he was alone.

"Yo."

Aya twisted his head over at the voice to see Yohji sitting on top of Aya's clothes on the toilet, proud as a cat with his hair slightly damp from sitting in the bathroom for so long. Yohji was leaning his elbow on counter and holding out a towel with a grin that made Aya want to slap it off the man's face. Aya didn't move forward to accept the white terry, his eyes wide at Yohji in shock. He couldn't believe that the man had gotten into the bathroom. Hadn't he locked the door? How... How could Yohji possibly be in here? When had he gotten in here?! Aya couldn't remember hearing anything that would betray someone trying to break into the bathroom. Aya knew he locked the door.

"Why are you here?" Aya half-yelled, moving behind the shower door in embarrassment. It wasn't like Yohji hadn't seen him naked before, but Aya wasn't ready to have Yohji staring at him so early in the morning, especially after they had sex last night. It wasn't the first time, but it still felt like it for the way Aya couldn't talk around Yohji, his voice choking up as he became too nervous to say 'no' anymore. He just felt embarrassed in front of Yohji, the first person to know everything about him and not turn away.

"The door wasn't shut all the way," Yohji lied as he held up the lock pick in his other hand, still pinning Aya's clothes. Aya glared at the metal device and wished for the hundredth time that they hadn't left their old assassin gear lying around the house. Yohji took advantage of it way too much, from opening doors that were very clearly meant to be closed to using the leftover plastic explosives for practical jokes. Everyone had demanded that it stop after a soccer ball meant for Ken almost killed a kid, but old wires, throwing knives, glass-cutters, and certain pick-lock sets that had been demonstrated by Yohji had practical uses in their everyday life. Aya hated him, despite the fact he was blushing to his ears behind the clear, fractured clear glass that just didn't do anything other than distort his frame a bit to Yohji's eyes.

"Give. Me. The. Towel. You bastard," Aya ground out very clearly, not about to get caught up in an argument about the finer points of what a locked door meant. Yohji should have respected that instead of coming in like he owned the place. The blonde only flashed a damn annoying grin and hefted up the towel again, like Aya hadn't noticed it the first time. Yohji wanted Aya to step out of the shower and take it himself. Aya growled, waiting for Yohji to do as he had ordered and at the same time knowing that the blonde man wouldn't lift a finger until Aya moved across that dangerous distance to take the towel completely naked.

Aya carefully leaned out from behind the shower stall and grabbed for the towel only to have Yohji snap it out of his reach with that damn insolent smile growing bigger. Aya ground his teeth together, perfectly comfortable with killing Yohji, than maybe continuing on to Sebastian. Today would be a good day to get back into practice with his katana. It had been a long time since the steel had tasted blood, and Aya could think of no one better to be the first kill than Yohji who wasn't passing him a damn towel!

"Yohji," Aya hissed, giving the man one last warning before he found some way to take Yohji's head off, no matter what. The older smirked at his very serious and real anger, not affected by Aya's mood as much as he used to be, and finally tossed the towel. Aya caught it and backed into the stall, drying himself off rapidly without another word. It wasn't like Yohji would listen to him anyway.

"Why don't you just not wear anything today?" Yohji asked in a slow drawl, still very comfortable on the toilet like it was a nice couch. Aya wanted to have several sets of clothes on, enough shirts and pants that a person would give up before they managed to undress him. He needed to go back to his room and get a sweater. Lots of sweaters.

It was all because of Yohji. It was him who made Aya nervous and skittish about being naked. Before they had fucked, Aya wouldn't have cared quite as much. Now he knew that Yohji was staring at his flesh and could easily guess what the blonde was thinking off when he leered at Aya. Aya paused in the middle of wrapping the towel around his waist, staring at Yohji. It was like having a stalker in his own household, a complete pervert that Aya couldn't fend off anymore. Why did he have to feel anything for such a conceited bastard? How could Yohji even suggest Aya go naked, no matter if it was a joke or not?! Was he suggesting that Aya kiss Sebastian without a single stich of clothing on as well?

"Why don't you go to hell?" Aya asked him right back in an almost conversational manner. Aya was going to have to get rid of the pick-lock set the moment he was decently dressed, so Yohji could never pull a stunt like this again. Aya had never wanted Yohji to not be in the same room quite as much as he felt now. He didn't really care where Yohji went to, as long as it was out of this bathroom. Oh, Aya knew he would probably be back at Yohji's side as soon as he got some clothing on. He only felt safe in Yohji's company. Anywhere else was like walking in a dead man's zone, without a single chance in hell if he was attacked then. It had happened before, so there no reason not to be paranoid. He just needed some space right now to collect his thoughts.

"You're so sweet in the morning," Yohji returned, smiling up dreamily at Aya like he was completely besotted with him, blinking up with blank, enamored eyes. Aya could have told Yohji he wished the blonde dead on the spot and the man would take it as a compliment. Aya felt a headache coming on as the blood pumped painfully behind his eyes, growing along with a desire to kill Yohji, Sebastian, and seriously wound anyone else that chose to try to come on to him this morning.

"Fuck off!" Aya snapped, walking past Yohji without trying for something else to wear. Screw wearing the same clothes again if Yohji was going to keep sitting on them. Aya could make it to the bedroom in only a towel and get something else to wear, preferring to chance the halls than ask Yohji one more time to move. He had tried to be nice and it never worked with the blonde. Diplomacy had failed, and Aya was going to find a weapon to kill Yohji with the next time he saw the cocky older man.

"You can't walk around the house like that," Yohji argued suddenly, as though he wasn't the one that wanted Aya naked all the time. Aya swirled on the man, no more than an arm length's away from the pedestal Yohji had made out of the toilet seat, feeling shorter and painfully younger even though he was standing above Yohji's head. Just what the hell did Yohji mean by that when he pranced around naked most of the time himself, regardless of how much Ken and Omi told Yohji not to? Yohji had only recently tried his hand at being modest, just for Aya's sake, because he always freaked out if someone was smoking a cigarette in the bedroom without a shirt on, too panicked to recognize that it was Yohji. The older man decided wearing a shirt was easier than dealing with Aya's fallouts when he entered the room and got an unexpected peepshow.

"Then fucking give me my clothes!" Aya cried out, so frustrated that he felt like he might cry. He wanted to run out of the bathroom, away from . Why did Yohji make him feel so nervous, his heart beating faster than it had in a long time? Yohji shifted and for a moment Aya though Yohji might actually let Aya have his clothes back. The blonde reached out and snapped the towel off of Aya's hips before he could even grab for it.

Yohji grinned, eyes immediately falling below his waist with the towel hanging in one hand. Aya felt his whole face heat with embarrassment and he couldn't do anything more than blink, too humiliated and shocked to do anything else. When Yohji licked his upper lip slowly as if remembering a taste, Aya came back to himself and swirled around to face the white wall behind him. He clenched his eyes closed and prayed that Yohji would just lose interest or something and leave, the drip of the showerhead echoing in Aya's ears. He put his hands on the wall, trying to find something to steady himself as he felt Yohji's eyes on him, going up and down his back just as a hand would.

"I like this view," Yohji assessed in the silence of the bathroom. The air left his lungs as Aya glanced over his shoulder to see Yohji lean back and put his arms behind his head, getting quite comfortable on the toilet. Yohji was leering at Aya's ass rather pointedly, flicking his eyes once to meet Aya's own with a content smirk spreading all over his face. Aya felt ears burn and knew he must be blushing all over from this damn scrutiny. Hopefully Yohji would think it was from the shower.There had never been a time when Aya had wished so desperately for his own death.

"Why are you doing this?" Aya moaned, looking back to the wall that didn't stare back at him, say things that shouldn't matter so much, or try to make him fall in love with it. The wall didn't recognize all the scars. Aya didn't want Yohji to look at his backside like this without even the usual safety of nighttime and darkness to hide what hadn't healed completely. Yohji always got angry when he saw how long it was taking Aya to heal, enraged with the evidence of what Aya had let happen to himself. It was his own damn fault for accepting the job, so the scars were what he deserved.

"Because you're nice to look at," Yohji answered simply, honestly. It wasn't enough of an explanation for Aya. It had to be a lie. Who would want to gaze upon his unhealthy, marred body? Aya was already dead inside. He just needed his body to give out finally. Yohji had to be able to see how much Aya regretted living even this long. All he had done was add to the tarnishing of his little sister's name.

"Why?" Aya whispered, unable to turn around. Yohji's eyes had pinned him to the wall, even if he was trying his best to ignore the man. Why couldn't he find something to be happy with, just once in his whole miserable damn life? Was it that much to ask for a little piece of normalcy? Something that wouldn't end up hurting him? Why did Yohji have to be able to pick locks and steal towels better than any thief Aya had ever heard of before? The wall blurred in front of Aya as he became confused, not knowing what he felt for Yohji or what the older man felt for him. It was so perfect that everything had to be a dream.

"Cause I love you," Yohji admitted easily, saying the words Aya needed to hear without even knowing it. Aya turned on the man, forgetting that he was naked, that he didn't even want to see Yohji right now, that his eyes were starting to get wet for no reason at all. The blonde looked up at his face in surprise that Aya wasn't cowering against the wall anymore. Yohji didn't look serious at all, not enough for the words that he had spewed out.

"What did you say?" Aya hissed, angry that Yohji could throw such lines around with ease. 'I love you' wasn't like saying 'good morning' or 'pass the salt,' but Yohji was saying it with the same kind of effortlessness. It didn't really mean anything at all. Did Yohji just feel sorry for him, the same kind of pity one would feel for an abandoned kitten lost in a thunder storm? Yohji had said 'I love you' a thousand times before, each to a different woman that he'd grown tired of soon. Why should he be any different?

"I said 'I love you,'" Yohji snapped, suddenly out of patience with Aya's doubts.

"Christ, how many times am I going to have to say it before it gets through you fucking thick-ass skull?" Yohji growled, long strands of hair hanging down the sides of his face as he glared up at Aya. Aya stared at the anger in Yohji's voice, forgetting clothes underneath the lanky man's bony ass, caught in Yohji's burning green eyes that were honestly hurt. Yohji's couldn't fake the determined look in his eye that promised some day he would make Aya realize that he loved Yohji as well.

Yohji swore that he loved Aya, but it was such a strange, foreign concept now, distant, confusing, and certainly not for him. Aya thought he had sealed off those emotions long ago, even from Aya-chan… before Yohji broke through the ice that had built up. Aya had never been as content in years as he had been in the past few weeks... day, hours, however long it was when for some reason Aya's himself couldn't explain, Yohji would make him smile. He never laughed out loud, much too jaded to let himself be that happy, but Yohji was showing him that living could be good again.

"Not very many," Aya whispered, defeated now that he could no longer deny was what so obviously true. He was starting to get the message, understanding in bits and pieces, because Aya had never thought for once that this was the way things were supposed to go. Aya had thought there would be a lot more sex, but Yohji understood his reluctance at times, got fed up other times, but never had he once forced Aya to do something against his will, putting a staunch limit on the number of times they had slept together. There were the times when Aya would incoherently gasp 'no' because it was what he was used to saying, but Yohji began to recognize which one Aya really meant. Yohji had started to know Aya better than anyone else, even Aya-chan. Yohji wanted him to move into the bedroom. Yohji told Aya that he loved him all the time.

Maybe he really did mean it… Aya had no solid proof besides the angry look Yohji was giving him for doubting his words. Only time would tell if Yohji was being honest or not. Either Yohji would stay with him or leave, and no matter how much fear Aya felt at just the thought of Yohji walking away from him he wouldn't say a single word. Aya couldn't let Yohji know that he needed him so much.

"Aya? You okay?" Yohji asked, real concern in glimmering green eyes. How was he supposed to be stoic in the face of that kind of love? There was no reason to keep a distance from Yohji, who was more than eager to find out about every single different angle of Aya's personality. It seemed like no matter what kind of horrible thing he had done in the past, Yohji wanted to hear it. He wanted to know everything, and the thought made Aya's heart shake. He wasn't 'okay,' not by a long shot.

"I will be," he answered back honestly, not wanting to lie to Yohji anymore even though the reality of it sucked. Aya just wanted it to end soon and get his towel back. He couldn't stand the nakedness, shifting his thighs in a hopeless attempt to hide his privates. Yohji just leant forward, resting his elbows on his knees and staring straight up at Aya's face. Aya couldn't help squirming under the gaze even though Yohji wasn't so much as acknowledging anything under his neck.

"Aya... there's something Aya, I have a favor to ask," Yohji asked in a serious voice that made Aya's blood go cold, all of that careful edging toward something that might have resembled trust lost as Aya emotionally ran for the hills. Yohji was disappointed in him; he had ended up doing something wrong. Yohji was upset with him, he had done something wrong and Aya wished that there were more places to die around the house, because he needed one right now. Aya bitterly knew he was a bad lay on the best of days, too scared to do anything but fight back when someone tried to advance anywhere beyond standing three feet away most of the time.

"I want to give something to Aya-chan, but she'll probably kill me if I give it to her, right?" Yohji asked with a laugh even though Aya was standing naked in front of him. It was just about the last thing he had expected to come out of Yohji's mouth. Why the hell would Yohji want to give something to Aya-chan? To say 'they disliked each other' was an understatement. Aya couldn't understand why the two couldn't get along, but there was no way to have civil conversation with Yohji or Aya-chan if they were in the same room. They bickered like children over a favorite toy, but Aya couldn't figure out why or what for the life of him.

"She wouldn't kill you," Aya pointed out as he managed to snatch the towel out of Yohji's loose grasp now that he wasn't paying attention. She'd definitely say a few choice words and would probably never accept a gift from Yohji, but she wouldn't kill Yohji. That was an exaggeration. Aya wrapped the towel calmly around his hips, a little more prepared now to just talk with Yohji. He had been afraid at first when Yohji came in, thinking that the blonde must only be wanting sex, but found him not even pushing for another kiss or going for Aya's towel again. Yohji was being a picture-perfect gentleman, but even Aya doubted Yohji's intentions with giving a gift to Aya-chan.

"What is it?" he asked cautiously, warily. He wasn't sure what Yohji had in mind and was more than a little tentative to find out. Yohji wouldn't dare to give Aya-chan something totally tasteless, because he knew that Aya would kill him. So, what could it possibly be that Yohji thought he could give to Aya-chan? It had to be something nasty, because Yohji had made it clear he didn't like Aya-chan, even if he tried to hide it for Aya's sake.

"A picture of you and me."

Yohji might as well have shot a gun, the bullet straight through Aya's heart. He froze for a second, stunned out of his mind that Yohji would even dare to ask. There weren't even enough pictures of him, much less with Yohji alone ever since he had started... Aya's mouth opened, and he realized with butterflies exploding in his stomach that Yohji must mean the pictures from their date, when he had cross-dressed. How could they have already gotten those developed? How could Aya even look at the picture, evidence of his shame that Yohji was so damn proud of.

"You can't give it to her," Aya answered coldly, not about to let Yohji pull such a low blow. Aya knew very well that Aya-chan was hesitant to say anything good about his and Yohji's relationship because she was so concerned about her brother's feelings. She knew that Aya really did feel something for the older blonde, no matter what a poor match it was, and was respectfully staying silent most of the time for him. But, Yohji planned to shove their relationship right under her nose and either make Aya-chan accept it or blow her out of the water, either way to end Aya's desperate act to pretend he wasn't really that serious with Yohji around her. Yohji wanted Aya-chan to know exactly how much they loved each other.

"Please, Aya? Please?" Yohji begged in a hideously high and whiny voice that he knew Aya wouldn't be able to stand as he climbed to his feet. Aya took one step back and was already against the wall while Yohji followed like an animal, resting two hands on the wall to either side of Aya's head to lean forward close, nose to nose. Aya's breath caught at the sudden closeness of another human being, his own scared face reflected back in the black pupil of Yohji's eye. He couldn't even shiver in the space between them.

"I got a frame and I even wrapped it all by myself. Come on, Aya," Yohji kept at it, chiselling away at Aya's tedious patience as he kissed Aya on the forehead and his cheeks. "Pretty, please?" Aya closed his eyes, trying to keep his ragged breathing from becoming obvious. It wouldn't do to let Yohji know how much he could do to Aya just by leaning in. Yohji only kissed Aya on the eyelids, still murmuring 'please' over and over in Aya's ear, only the soft drip of the showerhead to comfort himself with. He wanted to say 'no,' but knew that Yohji wouldn't take that for an answer. He would keep on bugging Aya until he finally gave in and said 'yes.' He had been a victim of Yohji's insistence before.

"Very, very fucking much, please?" Yohji begged again, pulling back to blink a pair of bloodshot green eyes up in his best 'Omi pleading' impression. It failed miserably, but Aya was shaking his head just looking at Yohji right now. One grown man could act like an utter child at time, and Aya almost felt embarrassed to be seduced by the same person that could be so perfect and gentlemanly other times.

"Fine. Fine, give me my fucking clothes. I'm going now," Aya snarled, wanting to get away from Yohji, from risking everything. Yohji smirked and lifted his hands up, letting Aya move forward to snatch them off the counter before Yohji had a chance to grab them back. He gave the man a glare for good measure, but he didn't seem to particularly effected by it with a sardonic grin all over his face. Aya bristled and reached for another towel folded on the shelf high on the wall in front of the toilet, his fingertips brushing the terry before a bigger and tan hand grabbed the towel for Aya. It galled him to not even know when Yohji had stood up behind him. When had Yohji slipped underneath his guard?

"Here you go," Yohji offered as he held the towel down at a height that Aya could reach. It wasn't fair that Yohji was born with a few more inches than him. He hated being shorter than Yohji, and yet found him useful yet again in times just like now. Yohji was a helpful nuisance to have around, and Aya couldn't make up his mind if he loved the blonde or not. He turned around to face Yohji and accept the towel, but instead found his gaze dropping to the crusty stain on Yohji's stomach and his face went helplessly red. Why wasn't Yohji taking a shower already?

"Oh, Aya-baby, are you embarrassed?" Yohji asked in a teasing voice that hit home a little closer than Aya would have liked to admit. He only blushed harder, no words coming to mind that could possibly tell to Yohji beyond 'fuck off' and he had already used that line far too much. Yohji had a tendency to take it literally, and that was no good. Aya used one hand to shake out the folds of the towel and tossed it over his head to dry his hair, to hide his burning face. He was blushing like some damn fool girl in her first relationship! Yohji was most certainly not Aya's first lay. He was just... his first love.

"Get washed off already, Yohji," Aya ordered, managing to keep his voice steady now that he was hidden underneath the drape of the towel, one hand holding one around his waist and the other hand rubbing down his wet hair. Yohji grinned viciously and raised his eyebrow at Aya, like he hadn't heard a single word. Yohji was going to stare at him all day long if he had the chance. Didn't he realize that there was that damn race in less than a handful of hours? Didn't Yohji know what was at stake? It was him, for crying out loud!

"I like having a bit of you on me wherever I go," Yohji returned and Aya felt his stomach twist even though he hadn't eaten anything yet this morning. Amazing how Yohji could make him feel so nervous that he became ill in only a few seconds. He could destroy Aya's world with less than a sentence. It was dangerous to put this much weight on someone's words. It should only gross him out that Yohji wanted to be so dirty, and yet... felt complimented.

"Damn it, Yohji!" Aya snapped, though it was more for himself than the blonde. Yohji smirked like he had a single clue to what Aya felt for him. Aya kept rubbing his hair down angrily, glaring at Yohji while the blonde finally saw fit to stand up and saunter the few short steps to the bathtub. The older man threw a glance inside at the wet walls and looked back at Aya's flushed skin from the shower, one eyebrow raised.

"Is there any hot water left in all of fucking Tokyo?" Yohji asked, pointing out another sore point that Aya usually took so many baths there were was never any hot water left for anyone else. Even Ken and Omi had started to notice and complain about it, but Yohji had lied and said that he had been taking more showers lately to keep them from asking Aya. Those two had excepted that lame excuse far too easily, but Aya wasn't about to argue. He didn't want them to think that it was him.

"Oh, go to hell," Aya moaned back tiredly. It was a morning exchange between them, just as regular as the cup of coffee Aya was going to have to start brewing soon. Ken and Yohji had started to just expect a pot in the kitchen at seven o'clock, an hour before they should open shop, even if the times had been a little slack lately. It was mostly because Aya slept in so much these days, because Yohji was always so damn warm and comfortable to be next to in the mornings. Yohji grinned and leaned into the shower to turn on the water for his own shower, hanging down for Aya to see... if he had wished to, but Aya turned away and concentrated on drying his hair with one hand crossly.

"Already been there, ice princess," Yohji laughed back as he climbed into the shower. They all had been there once, hadn't they? Hell didn't scare Aya, because it couldn't possibly be worse than the living life. At least then he'd be dead, right? Aya ground his teeth and summoned up every bit of patience to wait for Yohji to close the shower door, still so irritating this early in the morning. Aya didn't need it, especially today when Sebastian might… just might kiss him, with Ken the only slightly better alternative, but Aya didn't want to kiss anyone else at all beyond Yohji. It did not frighten him; he just didn't want to do it at all.

Aya waited until he could see the blurry figure of Yohji through the shower door and started washing his hair, certain that Yohji wouldn't be watching him now. His eyes would mostly likely be closed, and he couldn't stand the thought of someone watching him change right now. Sometimes he could do it in front of Yohji, and other mornings he woke up and didn't even want to see his skin. Aya kept the towel draped over his damp hair and shoulders while he took a clean pair of underwear from the counter and wriggled into them underneath the towel wrapped around his hips. Aya did not take chances. If Yohji thought he was going to be completely naked now, he was very wrong. With a pair of briefs securely in place, Aya dropped the towel from his waist and took the pants and stepped into the legs one by one. He pulled up the zipper, secured the button at the waist and put his hands in his pockets to make the fabric was laying right.

Yohji was humming now, very happy after getting to stare at Aya's ass for over ten seconds straight. Aya growled at whatever song Yohji was humming and wished that whoever sang it hadn't. He tore the towel from his head and pulled on the long-sleeved shirt, making sure that the sleeves were pulled all the way down to the base of his thumbs. Now that he was properly dressed, Aya reached down to pick up the towels he had dropped on the floor, not about to leave them to soak on the floor as he hung the used ones back up on the towel rack.

Aya took a moment to look at himself in the mirror, this time not in shame. He just forgot to be embarrassed about it when Yohji was around. It was even worse with Yohji naked in the shower only a few feet away. Aya leaned forward in the mirror and combed down a few of his wet strands with his fingers, brushing some back behind his ears. Aya studied himself in the mirror for a moment, tilting his chin as he wondered what exactly was about this reflection that it that Yohji thought was beautiful. How could he make it stand out a little bit more?

Oh, shit, Fujimiya, what are you thinking?! Aya screamed at himself. He did not want to look good just for Yohji, shaking such thoughts out of his head as he gathered up Yohji's boxers and the dirty shirt. It was ridiculous to even think that he should take the time to pretty himself up for the older man. He was acting just like Aya-chan when she had first started dating boys in high-school, coming into his room and asking what looked good, if she should show off her stomach or not, what jewelry would go with. Aya hadn't a clue then and barely had one now. He just mimicked what he saw others wearing, because he had never really given a thought to fashion… before…

Aya shook his head, very ready to leave the shower now that Yohji was starting to actually sing, except this time the blonde knew the words and belted out an unnecessarily loud 'I love you' in the middle of it, surely meaning it for Aya's ears. Aya couldn't help a grin for Yohji's ridiculous attitude and shook his head at the blonde before reaching down to flush the toilet. There was a moment of silence where Aya crossed the bathroom and laid his hand on the doorknob, a little pissed at the door for not holding out a little better under Yohji's lock pick.

"AH! Damn it, Aya! That's cold!" Yohji roared out into the hallway before Aya had a chance to close the door. It was ridiculously loud and he was sure everyone in the house was awake now if they weren't already. Aya's hand made a fist in the bundle of clothes held in his arm, hoping no one would come to see what the matter was before Aya could get into Yohji's room to put the clothes away. They would be able to tell what happened last night simply by looking at Yohji's boxers. Aya wouldn't have those unless something had happened.

Thankfully Aya made it to the bathroom before anyone came out to see what was going on with the yelling. He threw everything into his laundry basket, knowing that he would end up doing Yohji's laundry before the blonde anyway, so there was no reason to sort it now. Aya scrubbed at his eyes, a headache already forming despite the nice long hot shower he had taken. He didn't want to kiss Sebastian. He couldn't do it. Ken had better win, or Aya was going to kill the brunette and use the body as a shield against Aya-chan's boyfriend.

Thinking of his sister made Aya glance over to the dresser, remembering Yohji's request. Sure enough, there was a package on the dresser in pink rice paper. How Yohji knew that pink was Aya-chan's favorite color was beyond Aya, but it even had a silver ribbon tied around it. Yohji just would be good at wrapping gifts, probably so used to giving out little useless trinkets on every date he went to. He stared down at the flat package, wanting to tear it open and look at the picture to be sure of what it was before handing it to Aya-chan.

Aya scratched his wet hair, looking down at the gift and wondering just how Yohji wanted Aya-chan to take it. Was he hoping that it would make Aya-chan upset, or was it because Yohji really did want Aya-chan to have a picture of them for some better, good-intentioned reason? That was unlikely and Aya nervously dried his palm off on his pant leg before picking up the present. He could give it to her this morning before the race, before anything had a chance to fall apart. Aya felt like he was watching the count-down on a bomb, helpless to stop it.

Again, Aya opened the door only a small bit to see if anyone was in the halls yet. Surprisingly enough, nobody had woken up to see what was going on with Yohji yelling like an idiot this early in the morning. Seeing that it was safe, Aya tightened his grip on the present and stepped out into the hallway and closed the door behind them. Aya wouldn't want anyone to think it would be all right to wander into his… their room. It was still a little dizzying to think of Yohji's bedroom as where he lived as well now, the thought making Aya's stomach twist in a sort of apprehensive happiness as he went down the stairs.

Aya found no one in the kitchen, which was the way he liked it. Aya enjoyed having a cup of coffee to himself in the morning, so he could try to think about things before trying to get through another day. Aya-chan and Sebastian would be leaving today, and though Aya hated to think it, things would be much easier when the two of them were gone. Aya felt too nervous around Sebastian who might try something any second and his sister who was so humiliated by him. Aya set Aya-chan's present down on the counter next to the phone and was already opening up the cabinet to get out the specialty pre-grinded coffee beans that Ken was surprisingly fond of. Aya would have though Ken didn't know how to appreciate a good cup of coffee as he mechanically found a paper filter and dropped it in the coffee maker, poured in the water and hit the start button.

It was an easy thing to hit the button as he stared out the window the sunrise starting to dawn upon the city. Winter was coming, with the bizarre early snow and longer nights. Aya felt so domestic right now, the actions so normal that no one would ever guess at what he had done so many nights ago. Aya had learned to wait for a decent hour before starting a pot of coffee, though he usually made it to avoid the nightmares. Now it was because Yohji would want a cup, and to a lesser extent Ken. Omi hated the stuff, but the boy didn't need anything in the morning since he was already so naturally energetic.

Aya would never tell them he cared so much, but there was a same amount of affection, very slight but still there, for those three other people who knew more about Aya than even his own sister did. When had she drawn away from him, leaving Aya without his only living relative? She still meant a lot to him, no matter how much she had changed. He hoped the picture Yohji chose wasn't too bad. Aya hadn't even had a chance to see what film had been developed.

Aya sighed, taking down a mug for himself as coffee began to slowly drip and fill the pot. He still heard the pipes humming above his head with Yohji showering and probably singing, badly. Yohji wasn't at all embarrassed about singing, no matter how ruined his voice was from smoking or if his throat would crack and he'd start to cough miserably for a few seconds. Yohji assured Aya that he could sing much better when he was quite solidly trashed, but Aya had threatened something very precious between the blonde's legs if Yohji even dared go to a karaoke bar. There was one time, with Aya-chan, and that was it.

"Ran?"

A touch on his arm.

He didn't mean to cry out, but Aya couldn't help a small shout of surprise before he jumped away from the counter, hitting the mug in the process. He fell back, the mug fell down, they both hit the floor at the same time with Aya heavily on his side and elbow while the coffee mug shattered into a thousand pieces. Aya panted on the floor, propped up on one arm and he forced himself to not shake in front of his sister. Aya-chan was staring at him, one hand reached out toward him far too late to catch him. All Aya saw the small white palm thrust out at his face. He backpedaled away from his sister on the floor, throwing one hand up on the counter and dragging himself back to his feet again, not about to be on the floor in front of anyone. Aya-chan stared in silent shock, one hand still held out to him, waiting for him to accept her.

"Aya-chan, what are you doing?" Aya hissed, trying not to sound scared, wondering why the hell she was up this early. If Aya-chan hadn't woken at Yohji's yelling earlier, then she should be in the bed for at least a few more hours. Aya-chan put a hand to her mouth at his words dressed in soft pink pajama pants and matching short-sleeved top, her hair still messy from sleep with mascara smeared at the corners of her eyes that had started to water. She sniffed heavily once, then twice before Aya could even get a chance to apologize for being so sharp with her. He couldn't help it, still trembling for the shock of someone unexpectedly approaching him from behind no matter how much he wished he wasn't. Aya hadn't known it was her, just that it wasn't Yohji. Oh, fuck. Yohji.

"Oh, Ran, you broke the cup," Aya-chan moaned, looking down at the shattered piece of ceramic on the floor. Aya blinked a few times before he realized that it was Ken's mug, a solid blue cup that was in several large pieces on the floor. He stared at it, his hands shaking even though it felt like he was holding them steady, wondering why the hell out of all coffee mugs to grab, he had to take Ken's this morning. What else had Aya broken? This whole race was his fault anyway. He should have made it clearer to Sebastian that there wasn't a chance in hell for him to even get close, but Aya couldn't speak up in front of his sister.

"I'll go get a broom," Aya muttered, turning to rush away from the kitchen and into the safety of the pantry, clicking on the light and closing the door to lock himself inside the little space under the stairs. He should have just taken the broom and gone straight back out, but Aya had to close his eyes first, pressing his palms flat against the door behind him as he took one shuddering breath after another. Why was he afraid of his own sister? Why were his knuckles white against the door with the force it took to hold his hands still? Aya bit his lip and tried to calm his breathing, holding the air in his lungs and concentrating on not being so damn scared.

Aya's elbow hurt like a bitch now that he had enough time to gather his wits. His hip already felt sore from that fall. Aya bruised like overripe fruit, any small scrapes to the outside skin and the rotting core was oozing out, just like how Yohji was bleeding him out of anything left inside to hide, all his secrets gone one by one. He had wanted nothing else other than to be alone, and now he couldn't bear the thought of being without Yohji. Yohji knew everything and hadn't spurned him. Aya-chan hadn't really said anything on the subject, and Aya knew she was just going to ignore it until he got over it all himself.

That was what he was trying to do now, hiding in the pantry to gain back his breath and put the mask back in place. He couldn't stay in this little hideaway forever. Aya-chan was still outside in the kitchen wondering why her dear brother was running away from her. He was only shaming her further by being so weak and frightened. Aya grabbed the wooden broom and turned the door knob, hitting the light as he bravely stepped out into the kitchen to try and face his sister like a man. If only she knew what a wasted thing he had become inside.

"Ran?" Aya-chan asked, still standing over the coffee mug with a confused expression on her face. He said nothing, not about to offer an excuse for being in the pantry for so long. If he needed to defend it, then it would only prove that Aya-chan had reason to wonder why he had closed the door and taken more then a few seconds to find a broom. Aya needed a lot of times these days to compose himself again to face anyone outside of Yohji's room. He had grown so used to Yohji's soft bed that it was the first place he had considered really safe in years.

"I'll clean it up, Aya-chan. Just sit down at the table," Aya gently asked, never able to order his younger sister around. She looked straight into his eyes for an unbearable instant and Aya couldn't help dropping his gaze to the hand he had around the handle of the broom. He couldn't look her in the face, not after everything she now knew. It was even worse when she had found out that he had killed to pay for her hospital bills. Aya-chan hadn't understood then simply because she had never been told the amount of people he had killed. If she knew the amount of people Aya had let use him, fuck him past the point of recognition… she'd be so horrified. He couldn't stand to give Aya-chan any more reason to hate him.

"Ran, are you okay? You seem a little jumpy…" she trailed off, obviously unable to find the rights words to say to him. Aya placed the broom down on the floor and began to sweep up the mug. He'd been 'jumpy' for the past couple of months. Being on high-alert and constantly ready for an attack only left him exhausted in Yohji's overwhelming company. Yohji was too much, too loud, too honest, too close all at the damn time. At least she wasn't asking if he was all right after a little fall like that.

"I'm fine," Aya lied to his sister, where he found he couldn't lie to Yohji. Something about the blonde made Aya want to tell him everything, because he knew Yohji would listen. Aya-chan… Aya-chan might tell Sebastian now, and Aya would die if her boyfriend got a single fucking clue to what he had been through. Aya swept the piece of the broken mug up, hoping that Ken wouldn't wake up in time to see him throw the cup away. Aya wouldn't know how to explain that it was an accident if Ken yelled at him or got angry. Aya wouldn't be able to bear that from someone he only a slight bit more than a complete stranger.

"Ran…" Aya-chan sighed, knowing that he was lying to her. When had he become so damn transparent? Aya thought that Yohji was the only one who could read past the mask he had in place, but Aya-chan knew as well. He should give her a little credit for being his sister, after all. She had grown up with him. Aya-chan would have a good clue to what he was thinking on the inside. She didn't know the full extent of it all. It was like he had given her the censored version of the past several years, because she was so damn scared of her hating him.

"I'm sorry," Aya mumbled, apologies always coming easily when he was with his sister, as he swept the mug up into a neat pile. The shard clinked together and soon Aya had a nice pile of dust as well. Perhaps he should mop the floor when they got back. That's right, think about everything that's imperfect, not what's wrong with you. Aya bit the inside of his bottom lip, not wanting to visibly chew on it in front of Aya-chan. Then she would know how nervous she made him, and that would be no good. He didn't even have the right to fear her. Aya-chan was perfect, except for Sebastian.

"No, it's all right, Ran. I should have said 'good morning' first," she assured him, raking some of her hair back around her ear to resemble some bit of elegance. Was that what she thought he was upset about? Her excuse left Aya's chest feeling kind of… hollow. Did she really know what he was thinking? Could she really understand how he felt like shit all the time? Yohji knew, because Yohji had been through the same kind of self-hatred before over some woman of all ironies, though not nearly as deeply and for as long as Aya held it in his heart.

"Aya-chan, I…" Aya tried to start, miserably gathering himself together by clenching his fists around the broom handle, looking down at the cup he had cleaned up and trying not to fall apart. Yohji would understand if Aya told him why he had jumped away, that he had been scared and that was the only pathetic fucking excuse he could come up with. Aya-chan… Aya-chan didn't know what it was like to wake up each morning wishing you were dead and going to sleep hoping you'd die.

Someone said something behind him, a deep male voice that Aya didn't recognize as Yohji or even Ken. Aya's lungs suddenly didn't work, his shoulder blades shifting as he sensed someone behind him, his mouth opening but not even to croak out a single word. Aya-chan didn't even blink an eye before Aya placed one foot behind himself for balance and turned on the stranger. The broom landed square between the attacker's legs on instinct before Aya recognized Sebastian in only a pair of blue boxers and a loose white t-shirt.

"What… the hell?" Sebastian squeaked out weakly in English as Aya didn't listen, couldn't hear anything beyond the blood pounding his ears. He… He just hit Aya-chan's boyfriend as Sebastian clutched his groin with two hands and fell on his side to the floor. The broom, the weapon dropped from his hand, Aya unable to think as it clattered to the floor without a single sound. Aya-chan slammed one hand down on the table and stood up so fast she knocked her chair back, but all Aya could hear was the sound of his painfully short breath even as Sebastian seemed to be moaning on the ground.

"What are you doing?!" Aya-chan yelled, her loud screech snapping Aya back in a rush, glancing around the kitchen for somewhere to run or hide or curl up and die in. She was angry with him, her brows pointed down in a rare fury, the kinds of which Aya had only seen a few times during Aya-chan's whole life. He took one shaky step back, and then another until the middle of his back hit the counter. He was in a corner now, unable to move as Aya-chan stormed over and stepped up close, too close to him.

Sebastian was still curled up in a fetal position right now, but Aya couldn't even quite remember clearly just how hard he had the model. Aya couldn't recall the feeling of the broom in his hands as he hit Sebastian with it, and it frightened him. Why, Aya didn't know anymore. He gave up on trying to understand why things would set him off or blank out, but it was anything from touching the wrong surface to smelling the wrong fragrance in the air.

"What was that for? Why won't you greet anyone like a normal person?" Aya-chan screamed, pointing her finger so close to his face that his eye crossed together on it, his blood stopped cold. He was so damn frightened of it all- that was why. If he ran away now, he'd only be hurting Aya-chan further and giving into these weaknesses. He had to stay there, stay still no matter how his heart tried to crawl up his throat and his fingers spasmed as he tried not to run.

"I… I'm sorry," Aya tried, meekly, unable to say anything else. He didn't even know what else he could have said. No words were coming out. He was a mess and Aya-chan should just forget that she had ever had a brother. She didn't deserve such a horrid excuse for a human being, not even worthy of calling Aya-chan his family. He glanced up at Aya-chan's face, hoping his apology had been enough, but her face only darkened further as he winced and hunched his shoulder, trying to make himself smaller.

"Stop apologizing! All you do is say 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry' anymore!" Aya-chan begged in a raised voice that only hurt Aya more. She was still yelling at him, so close that all she had to do was lean forward to touch him. He shook his head, tears wanting to break loose but Aya stubbornly would not allow himself to cry in front of his sister. He had already shamed himself so much in front of her. Why cry like a girl over every little thing that happened? She was just standing close, close enough to grab his wrist and force him over the counter.

"I…" Aya started, biting off the excuse as he realized it was going to be another apology. Aya-chan's eyes got rounder as she stared at Aya trying to press himself further into the counter, just trying to escape this somehow. His ribs were creaking as they were ground against the tile, but Aya ignored it, just trying to get enough room to breath. He couldn't ask Aya-chan to back away, that would be like slapping her in the face. She glanced back to Sebastian, still moaning on the floor and not moving much at all right now from the tight little ball of pain he had made on the floor.

Aya closed his eyes. He couldn't control himself and everything was falling apart. He couldn't get over the trembling in his joints, he couldn't run away from Aya-chan, he just wanted to sink to the floor and cover his head. Why didn't they have a basement where he could hide away from everyone? He couldn't say anything back to Aya-chan. She was his little sister. He had killed for her. He deserved her judgment.

"Why are you like this now? Stand up straight! What's wrong with you?" Aya-chan yelled, Aya wincing each time her words hit home. She could tell that he was a mess. He really was fucked up and weak, ready to break just as easily as Yohji said. He couldn't even look his sister in the eyes, closing his own to block her out and pray that she wouldn't hit him. He couldn't even square his shoulders; much less raise his chin from his chest.

"Everything," Aya choked out, so softly and raggedly that Aya-chan didn't even hear it. She only put her hands on her hips, glaring up at her brother, waiting for some explanation that he couldn't give. He couldn't tell her anything with Sebastian in the same room. He'd rather die instead of admitting weaknesses in front of the slowly recovering boyfriend as he coughed weakly on the kitchen floor. Aya wished he had died that night, so he wouldn't have had to see Aya-chan's angry face now.

"Look at you, Ran! Are you really sure you're in love with Yohji?" Aya-chan questioned him in a sharp voice, confusing him. What did Yohji have to do with anything? Why did it matter that he was in love with another man? Shit! Why do I think I'm in love with that bastard?! If only he hadn't broken down at the first bad dream. Aya used to be able to hold in the screams and eventually calm himself down, but he wanted Yohji to be there as physical proof everything would be all right.

"Do you love him more than me?" Aya-chan demanded, her voice low and dangerously cool. Sebastian was smiling now, eagerly waiting for the shorter girl to explode. She was getting mad at him, and it was his own damn fault.

"Aya-chan… That's not the same," he started feebly, not about to compare family to physical, sexual, or whatever his and Yohji's relationship could be amounted to. Even though Aya knew Aya-chan didn't really care about his love life, he could tell that Yohji was the one choice she couldn't tolerate. Why did he always pick the wrong ones?

"And why not? Maybe you need to come to Europe and clear your head! I know you don't love him," Aya-chan snarled right back with enough confidence in her voice to make Aya wonder for a moment if she was right. It wasn't like he had a huge amount of lasting relationships to draw from either, beyond the men who had bought him more than once or the even fewer who had him regularly. Aya never wanted to see those men again, unless it was to shove a katana through the stomach.

"What the fuck do you know?" Aya hissed back bitterly into Aya-chan's shocked face, not about to have his sister lecture him on who he was supposed to love. It had already happened with Yohji and there was nothing they could do to change that. Yohji had been the only one who had cared enough to find out what was wrong with him.

"I hope Sebastian will be able to show you what a real kiss is like!"

It was the first time Aya thought he could really kill her. Aya-chan thought that Yohji had tricked him into this, like everything was a giant game. How dare she ignore how fucking hard it was for him to trust another person even the slightest bit any more? Sebastian wasn't the most honest and devoted lover in the world, and neither was Ken. No matter who one the race, it still wouldn't be Yohji kissing him. That was what made Aya's stomach twist and harden up into knots.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Aya snapped back, regretting the words the second they left his lips. Aya-chan's eyes widened before a little bit of moisture gathered in the bottom of her eyes. What have I done? She was really hurt, because he hadn't been able to see that she honestly believed that Yohji was bad for him. Aya-chan was trying to protect him, in a strange way. It just made his head ache along with his stomach, ready to be sick all over the place.

"Why are you being like this? I just want my brother back!" Aya-chan yelled into his face, tears threatening to spill. It was his fault. He was the one who had fallen into this shame, not her. He had changed into nothing but a shame and failure. But, still, even then… Couldn't she tell that Yohji cared for him? Ken and Omi agreed that Yohji had reached a new level of pathetic with the way the older man fawned over him. Aya couldn't doubt that Yohji didn't love him. Yohji was the one thing that was for sure anymore.

"I'm trying to help you, but you won't even talk to me!" Aya-chan screamed, throwing her hands up as Sebastian stood uselessly to the side. He didn't know how to help her or what to say, since the bastard wasn't even able to understand two Japanese yelling at each other. Aya could only bite his lower lip, wishing that he could be anywhere but there.

"Ran!" Aya-chan snapped when he said nothing else, raising up her hand to point out something else. Aya's eyes locked on the hand expectantly, his breathing stilled as he recognized what was coming. Aya only trembled, trying to hold himself ready for punch that he had learned to expect with anyone else than Yohji…

… Who was there like a miracle behind Aya-chan with a frighteningly calm and deadly his face expression that simply didn't give a fuck about who he killed in only a pair of jeans and wet hair. Yohji grabbed Aya-chan by the shoulder and turned her around sharply, away from him. Aya couldn't even be mad at Yohji for mishandling his sister, just sag against the counter in relief that he now had the space to breathe, how shaky it was right now and stare at Yohji's back as he pushed Aya-chan into the center of the kitchen.

"I can hear you scream at him all the fucking way upstairs!" Yohji roared into Aya-chan's pale face before he slapped her soundly across her cheek, ignoring Sebastian that was squirming on the floor in pain, his face a tight grimace as the model tried to straighten out. Aya-chan was staring up into Yohji's face which was turned from Aya. All he could see was the sharp planes of shoulder blades in Yohji's smooth tan back and the tattoo on his upper arm. Aya-chan raised a hand to her face in delayed shock.

"I… wasn't yelling at him," Aya-chan said softly, her eyes focusing inside. She really didn't think she had been screaming. Aya supposed they both got it from their mother, when she would get into outrageous tempers one moment than sweet and loving for a while. Aya knew that there was always something underneath, something dark and nasty ready to explode, just like he was, still clenching the counter white a white-knuckled grip.

"Ran? I wasn't yelling at you," Aya-chan said it more like it was a fact to Yohji before turning to look at him. Aya dropped his eyes quickly to the middle of Yohji's back, not about to make her angry again. He didn't know what else to do but try to pretend like he didn't exist. That way, no one could even take notice enough to hurt him.

"Don't fucking look away from him! You did this to him! You spoiled little bitch," Yohji roared, his voice shaking through Aya's body. He looked up to see Aya-chan doing the same thing he did now, trying to look away and pretend like the bad things didn't exist, because it was easier to ignore it than give in. Aya could feel Yohji's anger even though he couldn't see the blonde's face, and he felt a twinge of dread if Yohji ever got mad at him like that. They fought and argued every other hour in the day, but Yohji had never seemed this utterly furious before with his hair dripping water onto his bare shoulders that were still wet from the bath.

Yohji must have heard Aya-chan the second he turned off the water and hadn't even taken the time to dry off. Yohji's pants were starting to get dark in some places from the water on his legs, especially around his butt… and I am not looking there, Aya viciously cut off that line of thought. Since when did he lust after someone like a teenager? He had never loved anyone nor got involved in relationships such as the one Yohji wanted. He wouldn't change his mind. Aya Fujimiya did not deserve to be loved. He couldn't return to Ran either, so Yohji might as well give up on him as Aya tightened his hands even more around the counter, staring straight at the back of Yohji's head determinedly.

"I wasn't yelling at you!" Aya-chan screamed at Aya, tears in her eyes as she looked around Yohji's side. Aya stared at her, dumbfounded at the pain in her voice. Did she really think that she hadn't done anything wrong? Then… then, he should just stay quiet, because Aya-chan still had an innocence and truth about her that made his own words mean nothing with hands so stained with blood. It hurt a lot to see his own sister so ignorant of his pain, internalizing the wound even more. And Yohji had heard it happening all the way from upstairs.

Aya could hate himself, but he didn't think he would be able to live if his sister hated him. She was the one person that mattered. Aya-chan loved him because he was her brother, unconditionally. She was the only person in the world that had that guarantee, merely because they shared the same blood. So, why did he feel himself drifting away from her, slowly starting to feel the same thing for Yohji? The man wasn't his brother. He was far from any kind of family relation

"Yohji," Aya's voice cracked and he had to cough to smooth it out embarrassingly. "It's… It's all right," Aya tried to pull Yohji off in a pathetically small voice, but he just couldn't handle saying it any louder. It was amazing he had even managed more than silence. He forced his hands to relax off the counter and drop to his sides with his knuckles creaking as they finally loosened. Yohji didn't even glance back at his words and for a moment Aya feared he hadn't been heard at all.

"Like hell it is," Yohji spat back, so intent on Aya-chan that she glanced back to his face even as Sebastian started to climb to his feet, heavily with one leg at a time, huffing as he crouched around the pain. He had to be exaggerating now, because there was no way Aya could have hit him that hard. Aya-chan didn't look at Aya as well and he felt like he could slink out the backdoor before they even noticed he was gone, except Sebastian was starting to glare at him with a hand on each knee.

"I don't care what the fuck happened, but Aya's scared shitless of you two," Yohji snarled, pointing at Sebastian and Aya-chan alike. Aya could have died in embarrassment that the blonde felt like he needed to defend him. Aya-chan look at Aya again, her eyes burning as she pleaded with him to say that it was wrong and that Yohji was lying or to laugh and say that he felt right as rain? It was so true, but Aya still wanted to scream at Yohji for putting it so bluntly. He didn't want them to know.

"He hit me right in the bloody balls," Sebastian yelled in English, pointing down at his groin in a way that left no doubt to what he was talking about. Aya nervously scratched at his face, unable to stop fidgeting underneath Aya-chan and Sebastian's gaze when before he could have flipped the model off and tell his sister that she needed to dump him.

"Be thankful he didn't do worse," Yohji snapped back in English, turning now on Sebastian to give Aya a profile of his face, dark and enraged. Sometimes Yohji was a frightening person to have as a 'protector,' because there was always the risk he might kill someone unnecessarily. Ken had told Aya how many had been accounted for as 'missing' from the news, so one or two more wouldn't make a difference, even if it was Aya's own sister. Aya-chan's mouth dropped open as Sebastian glared, sorely straightening out his back.

Aya looked away from his sister's face to anything, something that could distract everyone from being this upset. He didn't want to cause trouble. He didn't want to be the center of attention for this little spat between Yohji and Aya-chan. Aya spotted the present on the counter that he had never gotten a chance to give to Aya-chan before Yohji came downstairs. He hadn't been planning on her sneaking up behind him this morning either. Feeling a little foolish but seeing no other choice, Aya took the long path to the other side of the kitchen around Yohji's back. He didn't want to get close to Sebastian because he was so damn weak.

"Aya?" Yohji asked when he noticed Aya pick the gift off of the counter, glancing away from Aya-chan for the first time. He still looked a little angry, but Aya knew it wasn't directed at him. It still didn't stop the chill he felt because it was still someone he had sex with, and Aya was scared to the bone of Yohji finally getting fed up and attacking him. Yohji had slapped him once, when Aya had pushed Yohji too far when he knew that he shouldn't have even started saying such cold things.

* * *

"Aya?" Yohji asked hesitantly as Ran lifted up a wrapped present from the counter. Aya-chan blinked, her face still burning with Sebastian panting next to her, both of them a little bit wary of the other two in the room. Her brother had changed, poisoned by Yohji's presence that was starting to show up in Ran as well. It was disgusting to see Yohji charm someone as wonderful and smart and so much better than the stupid blonde. Aya-chan didn't care how enchanting Yohji had been when he took Ran out on their sick little flaunting of perversion that the blonde had called a 'date.' Yohji had slapped her.

Ran said nothing as he stepped forward, carefully approaching her with a large berth for Sebastian. He was probably trying not to offend her lover again. Poor Sebastian wouldn't be able to take any more hits. He already had two matching split cheeks and Aya-chan knew she wouldn't hear the end of her brother hitting him with a broom on the airplane back home. Yohji was ready to explode behind Ran, thankfully out of sight as he flipped Aya-chan off behind her brother's back. Ran looked up to Aya-chan expectantly, those large violet eyes filled with utter adoration as Sebastian returned a middle finger of his own out of Ran's line of sight.

"Aya-chan," Ran finally said softly, handing out a wrapped object now that he was finished staring at her. Aya-chan couldn't blame her brother for staring at her so, trying to memorize her face before they parted, probably. They had started packing last night and after one last shopping trip, everything was ready to be taken to the car. Sebastian had arranged for some people from the studio to come pick up the motorcycle and take them to the airport as well after their silly race so Sebastian wouldn't have to drive out to return the bike.

She looked down at the thin and rectangular box that was covered in an elegant pink rice paper, her favorite color. A thin silver ribbon was tied around the package, the bow tails curling in small round twists. Ran had probably wrapped it himself. He had worked for the holiday rush at one of their father's friend's store as a decorative wrapper for other people's presents. It had been a horrible failure the first day with Ran too shy to ask the questions to make an order until Aya-chan came to work and asked for him with Ran silently listening at her elbow, completing the orders as they were announced to her. She had protected Ran before. Why wasn't he letting her do so now?

"Yohji asked me to give this to you," Ran said slowly, looking away from his sister as he handed her the gift and back once at Yohji. The blonde was standing in his own puddle on the kitchen floor now, still soaking wet and half naked. It was only more proof that he was totally below Ran. Some nice European girl would be able to appreciate Ran better. She took it slowly, thinking about whom it was from. It may be her brother handing the actual present to her, but if it was from Yohji, she didn't want it, not with her cheek burning from the slap and her pride more than a bit bruised. She had not been yelling at her brother, it was simply ridiculous. How could she refuse the gift politely? Why did Ran have to choose such a rude, self-centered jerk for a boyfriend?

Aya-chan stared down at it, not caring that the silence was growing thick between them. She did not want to accept this. It could be a book, perhaps a DVD? It didn't feel like that, too heavy and hard underneath the wrapping paper. Only Ran would know that her favorite color was pink. Her brother remained infuriatingly silent, with that unreadable look on his face. When had he learned to hide emotions so well? Aya-chan could remember when Ran let everything show on his face, very open to people he knew. Now, Ran wore that distant mask he put on for the dinner parties their parents used to hold, keeping his face carefully schooled so no one would know what he was really thinking.

"What is it?" Aya-chan asked as she frowned and started to work at the knot of ribbon. Ran didn't tell her, his face not showing any emotion as she finally got the silver ribbon to fall away from the thin package. Sebastian was silent next to Aya-chan, frowning down as well as he came forward to look on curiously. The wrapping finally fell away and Aya-chan held the paper in one hand, the other flipping over the back of the metal picture frame.

Inside the frame was the picture Omi had taken of Yohji and Ran before they had left on their date. Both men were turned to face the camera, Yohji's face breaking out into an elegant, charming smile that could be felt even through the still picture. Ran had the smallest curve on his lips, barely readable as a smile. Ran was standing exactly next to Yohji with the playboy's hand visible on his hip. He was holding up the bouquet of red roses that Yohji had given him up with both hands, holding it slightly to his side. The daring black leather dress made Ran look like some famous celebrity, or a strange and fallen angel in the middle of the very room they were standing in now.

Sebastian choked when he got a good look at the picture, looking at Aya-chan in confusion once before slowly blinking over to Ran. Her brother glared right back, his face carved of stone like some kind of war hero, a fierce look that was directed right back at Sebastian, just daring him to say something stupid. Aya-chan hoped for once that the pain between Sebastian legs would be enough to keep the idiot quiet. She couldn't believe how stupid Sebastian could be sometimes herself. It had a little bit of brash charm though, just like the way he was handsomely agreeing to racing with Ken.

"Oh, Ran," Aya-chan gasped, looking down at the picture. Her brother looked beautiful, like a leather princess. She would never be able to look that good in a dress like that. The fact that her brother could look better in fishnets burned more than it should. When had he gotten a pair of breasts and… and… and such incredible legs? His large, violet eyes looked back at the camera, for once noticeably happy. Aya-chan studied the picture, looking between Yohji and Ran for something, anything that she could spot wrong instead, the picture remained perfect, Yohji and Ran frozen forever as a couple. Yohji grinned wolfishly next to her brother, proud as all sin. She hated him.

"Aya-chan, do you like it?" Ran asked in a shy, uncharacteristically small voice that she hadn't heard since he was much younger. Aya-chan blinked at him, his eyes wide and expectant, hanging on her answer. When had he become so heartbreaking beautiful? When had Aya suddenly cared about his looks and the way he held himself, proud as a cat almost… desperately? Aya-chan glanced down to the forgotten picture in her hand. Ran and Yohji were still exactly the same as when she had last looked at the picture. Nothing would change, no matter how much she wished that Yohji wasn't in the photo.

"Ran... I don't know what to say. It's hard to tell your brother that he's beautiful, I mean... Ran, you're gorgeous in a dress," Aya-chan stuttered, trying to figure how to phrase it and feeling like she wasn't saying it quite right. Was this how Ran felt whenever he talked to people? Ran kept staring at her, his eyes growing sadder and more distant no matter what she did. Aya-chane could see him pulling away from her. She didn't want that. She wanted her brother to stay by her side, not with Yohji! She was his sister. She was the only person who would ever really love Ran.

"Ran, I love you," Aya-chan finished, pretty sure that that would be enough to explain herself. Ran only nodded, no words to give back. It really shouldn't surprise her, but for some reason Aya-chan couldn't believe that her brother wouldn't talk to her. Ran never would be able to truly talk to someone and tell all of his secrets, not to her, not to Yohji. It wasn't in him. She didn't know why when they had been so close when they were younger. When had Ran decided that it was time he would suddenly grow up and completely change? Aya-chan couldn't grasp how things had gone from being the only source of comfort for her older brother to Ran looking to Yohji now for everything. She didn't want to lose him to a jerk like Yohji!

"You do love him, don't you?" Aya-chan hissed, looking over at the wet and damp playboy in a mix of disgust and jealousy. There could be no more denial. She had been pushed aside, her years of dedication ignored because of Yohji's flashy appearance in her brother's life. He would leave soon enough, and she would be the one to pick up the pieces. Aya-chan just had to wait until Ran woke up from whatever dream he had fallen into with Yohji.

Ran's eyes widened at the comment, the hurt clear in his face. Why did he pull away from her? Why did he cringe whenever she spoke to him? She hadn't been screaming at Ran like Yohji accused her off. Why didn't he recognize her voice anymore, pulling away like he expected her to hit him every time? Sebastian stood up as if he was going to yell at Ran, but her hand on his arm and Yohji suddenly stepping forward again, very close to Ran's side between her brother and Sebastian.

"Ran, please, what am I doing wrong?" she asked, softly, miserably. She didn't want Yohji to hear this question. Besides, if she raised her voice, she might start to cry with her fingers tightening on the glass of the picture. They were perfect together on film. It burned to admit that, but Aya-chan could not deny how well Ran and Yohji went together in the picture. They looked like a real couple, both men matching up despite how opposite and different they were from each other. They looked good together, like a couple Aya-chan would see on TV's. They were perfect together in life as Yohji put a hand on Ran's shoulder to squeeze gently when Ran hadn't even allowed Aya-chan to tap him on the arm. The pained look on his face was gone in an instant when Ran didn't even twitch an eyebrow when Aya-chan had told him she planned on marrying Sebastian. Why did Ran show his emotions for Yohji when he didn't even change his breathing around Aya-chan, except when he had one of those horrible panic attacks?

"You like the picture? I think my little Aya looks hot," Yohji asked softly to Aya-chan's aghast face and Sebastian's extremely confused one as he started to glance back and forth between the picture and Ran again, one hand on the zipper of his pants still. Ran's face definitely turned a bit pink and he blushed. Aya-chan couldn't believe her brother would blush like some teenage girl for Yohji no matter how many times she saw it. Ran might have looked a little humiliated at the praise, but Yohji was practically celebratory with Aya-chan's obvious anguish over the gift.

"I'm not your little anything, Kudoh," Ran hissed, pulling away from the playboy like he was a disease. Yohji only smirked as Aya-chan stared down at the picture frame in her hands. She wanted to throw the gift away and get rid of Yohji's overt flaunting of his relationship with Ran. They could keep things like... that to the bedroom. Yohji is a... a bastard! Aya-chan decided, using her brother's favorite curse. She wanted to refuse the gift, but Ran looked so perfect and lovely on the large portrait, no matter if it was in a dress. There were so few pictures of Ran smiling, no matter how much she wished that in this one it wasn't because of Yohji. The blonde only gave Aya-chan a headache and an overwhelming desire to hurt him because Yohji wasn't good enough for her brother and that was the end of the matter. Why did he have to make Ran happy?

When had she become not good enough?

* * *

There was just under an hour before the race and Sebastian had already sent Aya-chan away from him in the front yard. Sebastian was trying to concentrate on preparing for his race and checking his bike for oil and gas and all those silly sorts of things. Aya-chan had been making him nervous apparently by only watching him get ready. Aya-chan had been mesmerized by the way Sebastian's perfect hands with his ragged nails run over the motorcycle, looking for something to fix or repair. Aya-chan sighed and made sure all the luggage was ready to be taken to Ran's car. They were going to have to leave soon, since the three of them and been cast as the judges for who passed the finish line first.

Aya-chan had walked into the kitchen after hearing the faint sound of voices and glass tinkling as it was struck together. She had thought it might be Omi, someone who was still polite and decent in this house. Instead she found her brother holding up a coffee mug with an unfamiliar smile on his face as Yohji poured from yet another bottle of wine, both of their backs turned to her. It seemed as though Ran and Yohji had decided to share the same brain as well as the same wine. Ran would have never gotten drunk before noon, not at all if not for Yohji. Aya-chan didn't know where they hid so much alcohol in this place, but she never saw a bottle of liquor unless Yohji was drinking it, and it always seemed to be a new one. She couldn't say a word as the blonde smiled at Ran, the only thing he was paying attention in the entire kitchen. Yohji wasn't even looking down at his own mismatched clear water glass filled with red wine. Neither of them had even noticed that she had walked in.

The two were wrapped up in each other and not even talking loud enough for Aya-chan to hear. Yohji mumbled something low to Ran before taking a sip of his own drink while the bright morning sun from the kitchen window sun glinted off his glass and hair. Ran grumbled something back, an entire sentence by the length of silence Yohji gave him, his profile just barely visible to Aya-chan. Each of them had a slight halo from the bright morning light coming in through the windows making Ran's hair even redder than usual as a few curling strands touched Yohji's blonde hair as they almost touched, the chairs pulled close together so they could sit next to each other like a newlywed couple. Yohji still hadn't put on a shirt, but his hair was already dried and looking like the usual curly mess he wore it in. She could see Yohji staring at Ran's lips and eyes lustfully even across the room as he whispered something again, too softly for Aya-chan to catch from the doorway.

No one else was in the kitchen to watch them as Yohji kissed her brother lightly on top of his right eye, over the pale scar there. Ran just let him do it too; making Aya-chan wonder if something had been put in his coffee. Ran went still for a moment before Yohji whispered something else in his ear even though there was no reason for them to be secretive when the house was 'supposedly' empty right now. She could have had a heart attack when Ran chuckled at whatever Yohji had said, his laugh warm and deep and totally unfamiliar.

Ran had changed a lot, more violent and secretive than he ever and carrying around a sadness that she could feel whenever he walked by. She wanted to do nothing more than hold Ran and tell him everything would be all right, just like she used to. Yohji was doing that now, touching Ran on the arm or shoulder and noticeable squeezing, comforting her brother like he was just like any other fool who got carried away by his charm. Aya-chan hated Yohji for what he was doing to her brother.

Aya-chan cleared her throat loudly from behind the two and Ran jumped completely out of his chair while Yohji's face darkened and he turned to glare at her with his lips pursed in a displeased and sour expression, like she left a bad taste in his mouth. Ran took a few wobbly steps back until he put a hand on the refrigerator with a pale face, his eyes wide and shocked at her before darting back over to Yohji, then back to her, like Ran couldn't decide which of them to look at anymore.

"You're drinking this early?" Aya-chan demanded, waiting for a very good reason why Yohji was trying to get her brother drunk when they hadn't even left the house yet. Had he completely forgotten that they had a race to attend? Aya-chan didn't want Sebastian to kiss her brother when Ran looked like death warmed over in the bright light of the kitchen, obviously out of the water when she had interrupted their little breakfast flirting. Aya-chan wondered what she would have walked in on if she had only been a minute later. The two had already been rolling around on Yohji's visit in the middle of a police visit. What was it to Yohji if the lover's sister saw them making out? Yohji almost seemed to enjoy it when there were people to watch him tease and flirt with Ran.

"I'm sorry, Aya-chan," Ran murmured delicately, his voice a whisper of what it usually was, for what must have been the millionth time. Except now even his lower lip was trembling and his eyes looked like a puppy that was ready to be kicked. Ran was waiting for her to yell at him again. She could see the fear in his eyes, something that made her chest grow very heavy. His small, bitter apologies made Aya-chan so angry, because it was just more reminder that Ran wasn't who he used to be. Her brother had always been responsible and taken the blame for things before, but now Ran was trying to emotionally crucify himself left and right. When had Ran started thinking that everything was his fault?

"Damn it, Aya. Don't apologize to her! You didn't do anything fucking wrong!" Yohji snapped before he tossed back his wine like it was whiskey. Ran hunched his back at the words like each sentence had been a punch to his stomach. How could Yohji slap her for 'yelling' at Ran, and then turn around to be so flippant and uncaring with her poor brother? Ran couldn't handle being yelled at. Father might have cuffed or slapped them when they were particularly bad, but a few bruises as punishment never made a difference to Ran. It was only when Mother yelled at them for hours on end that Ran would cry, much more sensitive to words while Aya-chan had just wanted the old bag to finish already.

"Ran, it's all right. You didn't do anything bad, right, Yohji?" Aya-chan assured her brother, sending a sharp glance in Yohji's direction at the end. Yohji's face fell into a mix of shock and amusement, like the fact she was backhandedly saying that he was the one who had been crawling all over Aya like a typical sleazebag was funny. He wasn't getting mad at all, but only turning back to finish off the glass. He wasn't even going to say anything back to her, just ignore everyone else but Ran! The nerve of that man!

"I don't need you two to tell me that," Ran said coldly despite the way he held his shoulders, bent over as if carrying a huge weight. Both Aya-chan and Yohji's mouths dropped open, as much as she hated to have the same reaction as the blonde. She just couldn't believe that her sweet older brother had come to tell her to shut up. He was glaring at the both of them now, making sure that she and Yohji both got an equal amount of time under those dark violet eyes as he looked down on them underneath his bangs.

"Ran," Aya-chan started, not about to let him get away with being rude. Just because he had a crude jerk like Yohji for a boyfriend didn't mean that Ran had to turn into a creep as well.

"Do you want a glass, Aya-chan?" Yohji asked, cutting her off without seeming to be rude. It was still an interruption when Aya-chan had some very good things to say. She shot a look over to Yohji in warning, most certainly not about to get drunk when it was still the middle of the morning. She didn't even like wine that much, but Sebastian loved the stuff so Aya-chan had tried very hard to cultivate a taste for it.

"N-" Aya-chan started again, but Ran already moved away from the refrigerator and opened up one of the cupboards to get out a glass for her. Even as tall as Ran was, he had to get on the tip of his bare toes to reach a wineglass. At least they weren't having her drink out of a coffee mug. Yohji leaned over the table just enough to be noticeable and when Aya-chan turned to glare at the blonde, she realized that the loser was looking at her brother's butt. Aya-chan felt her mouth drop even further than the first time, except now in disgust.

"Yohji, what are you doing?" Aya-chan tried to control her voice, not wanting to give Yohji any reason to believe his own stupid delusion about her yelling at her own brother. She had done nothing wrong, and Yohji shouldn't have hit her. Everyone in this whole house was super violent and taking it out on her and poor Sebastian. They were guests, not punching bags. Ran walked back to the table with a curious look on his face directed to her. Did Ran really not understand her anymore? She was his sister! Why did he give her such questioning looks all the time now?

"Pouring you a glass," Yohji said back slowly with a hint of confusion himself as he took the glass from Ran, their fingers brushing together for a moment. Yohji looked down at their hands and smirked at Ran while her brother only gave the slightest of smiles that only made it to one side of his face. It was the happiest Ran had looked in years just because he was watching Yohji lift up the wine bottle again and pour Aya-chan her own glass, one that she didn't even want. He glanced over to her, his face switching to a somber expression so fast that it was as though he had decide to put on a mask.

"Aya-chan?" Ran asked, his eyes questioning her all the way down to her soul. Why did Ran give her that look, like he didn't know her or trust her anymore? Why did Yohji get to hold Ran close and kiss him on the cheek like a brother would… or a sister? Aya-chan felt the distance between them grow even more as Ran glanced back to Yohji for a bit of reassurance. Yohji smiled and handed the glass back to her brother, blowing a kiss on the air to Ran and winking suggestively. Aya-chan felt anger grow in her chest, hard and hot as she tried to keep it inside.

"Don't do that, damn it," Ran hissed loud enough for Aya-chan to hear even if he was trying to keep it from her ears. Yohji only grinned and poured the last of the bottle off into his glass and Ran's mug, red liquid catching little beads of white light in the midday sun. It was half an hour to twelve when Aya-chan glanced down at her watch and it seemed like Yohji was forcing the second hand to linger, making every moment as long as possible. What spell had Yohji cast to make Ran blush and look away after trying to glare at Yohji for only a moment, wordlessly handing Aya-chan her glass. She looked at the swirling surface for a moment of hesitation while Ran took his own embarrassed, hesitant sip of wine from his coffee mug.

"Come on, ice princess," Yohji moaned, pretending to be hurt that Ran wasn't playing along with his stupid flirts. Ran's eyes widened and she heard him spit the wine back into the cup even if she couldn't see it with how close Ran pressed the mug to his face. 'Ice princess?' Ran did not have a nickname like that. She had never heard anyone address her brother like that in her life, much less some scrawny, abnormally tall alcoholic. Nobody had ever dared to, and now Yohji was smiling as Ran's hair curled in anger, his shoulders tightening up visibly. It was people like Yohji that gave the Japanese a bad name and made Sebastian think they were all a bunch of rude idiots. He was horrible and flamboyant in public, showing off what should be kept behind closed doors, not broken ones for everyone to look in on. Aya-chan hadn't forgotten the burning shame she felt when they had all stumbled on in the home. Ran slammed the mug down, a hard blush across his cheeks despite the angry look in his eyes.

"Don't fucking call me that!" Ran roared as he reached for the front of Yohji's shirt and hauled the blonde out of his chair with one thin arm. At least Ran still had the right idea and for one delighted moment, Aya-chan thought he might actually hit Yohji. But, looking at the thin white fingers in Yohji's shirt and the slender arm, there was no way Ran could lift the blonde out of his chair if Yohji hadn't stood on his own to let Ran think he could manhandle another person. How much did Yohji just pretend for Ran, so he wouldn't feel so bad about loosing all that weight and muscle? There was no way Yohji would just humor Ran physically when they fought out loud so much… Or maybe that was what Yohji was doing. Aya-chan shook her head, trying not to give Yohji so much credit. He wasn't intelligent in the least.

"Okay, baby," Yohji agreed with an insolent smirk on his face as he leaned in close to Ran, far too intimate while there was another person in the room, Ran's sister. Just how many little pet names did Yohji have for her brother! Ran obviously wasn't pleased with the names either, the frown on his face darkening even further. If Ran was a cat, the back of his fur would be lifting right now. He looked spitting mad with a furious blush on his face, not an embarrassed one.

"Yohji!" Ran snapped helplessly, flinging out with his hand and Aya-chan broke into a smile in the middle of the kitchen for the first time as the palm went for Yohji's cheek. Except the blonde caught the wrist and held Ran's forearm gently. Yohji took one commanding step and Ran literally melted, losing all composure for a moment as he stared up into Yohji's eyes. Both of them ignored her for a second, enveloped in each other as the arms relaxed. Then, Ran guiltily glanced sideways at her, the curve of his ear tail trailing across his face. When had Ran grown up so much, into this rare and lovely creature? Why was Yohji able to make her brother lose that icy façade and turn into the sweet young gentleman that Aya-chan knew was underneath that hard mask. Why could Yohji reach it? Why couldn't she?

Ran tried to push harder at Yohji's chest when the blonde held on, wanting to get close enough to do Lord knew what. Aya-chan didn't know what to do, helpless with the wine glass still in her hand. Ran was the only blood relation she had left and she needed to make sure that he was taken care of, not getting accosted by this poor choice of a significant other. Aya-chan needed to make sure that her brother's suitor fit the bill, and Yohji most assuredly did not measure up. She wished Yohji would drop dead from his cigarette smoke already. Ran grunted once in a bit of desperation now, more violently as it stopped being innocent wrestling and turned into a borderline panic.

"Yohji, stop! Let him go!" Aya-chan shrieked, her hands at her side to keep Yohji from hurting her brother. This was just what he had slapped her for, even worse! And Aya-chan hadn't even been doing anything wrong when Yohji had said all those awful things to her. Yohji should know better! Of all people, wasn't he supposed to be the most careful of Ran?! Now, he was making her brother so angry that Ran had to punch him? Ran had to lean against a strong wind these days with his frame so thin and sickly, worse than she had ever seen him before even in high school, but Yohji had made him furious enough to try hitting someone with what little strength he had left. Her brother still had pride left, didn't he? If Yohji's roughhousing sent her brother into one of his fits right now, Aya-chan would see to it Ran came back to England with her. She wouldn't leave her precious older brother in the care of an irresponsible loser like this!

Ran stopped trying to push away from Yohji with one hand on the man's chest and the blonde blinked up at Aya-chan, both of them frozen like two children caught in a fight. The vehemence in her voice seemed to surprise them both as they looked back to each other, frozen in a loose stance, as if they were about to dance. Aya-chan stared pointedly at the hand on Ran's arm, telling him to 'get off' without saying a word. Yohji didn't let go of Ran and neither did her brother pull it away, only looking at Aya-chan curiously with his other hand wrapped around Yohji's neck.

Then, Ran broke the man's hold and took Yohji's own wrist to peer at the blonde's watch closely. They had seemed so serious, and yet their fight dissolved like a packet of sugar in tea, leaving Aya-chan with her open mouth and little embarrassed at overreacting now that they had stopped fighting so quickly. Yohji looked at her from over Ran's shoulder as the redhead narrowed one eye to read the time, having a hard time seeing small things without his glasses. The blonde grinned widely at her like a triumphant villain and put his chin on top of her brother's smooth red hair.

The nerve of that man! He was parading his relationship with Ran around like it was a tourist attraction. It was disgusting! What single redeeming charm could he possibly have? Yohji was no more than am adolescent punk that had never grown up. He wasn't looking for anything serious with Ran, nothing more than a cheap fling with a messy goodbye in store. The police visit and revelation of 'Case Lisa,' as Aya-chan liked to think of it, more than proved her point that Yohji was definitely the wrong choice for Ran. He deserved someone better.

"We're late," Ran announced finally, dropping Yohji's wrist and sliding away from Yohji without a chance for him to even catch at his hand. Aya-chan looked at her own watch in confusion. Actually, they still had fifteen minutes to go, but that wouldn't be enough time by Ran's prompt standards. Her brother could be impatient at times, always ready before anyone else. Ran was a very punctual person and he wasn't about to let anyone hold him up.Ran was always early to everything, just like their later father had been. They were supposed to be going ahead to the intersection Sebastian picked out for the finish line to watch for the winner. Omi would act as the starting point and follow on his own bike. When very precious things were running on the line, like her brother's dignity, you had to be professional about it.

"We need to get your bags, right?" Ran asked, looking over to Yohji with a secretive nod of his chin. Yohji glanced down at his naked chest, getting the message that Aya-chan hadn't even noticed.

"I'll get a shirt and help Aya-chan with the bags. Aya, bring the car out to the front," Yohji asked. There was a bitter silence for a moment as Ran looked haughtily at Yohji, obviously not about to trot around at his beck and call.

"Please," Yohji added as an afterthought, however delayed and obviously hard for Yohji to do with his jaw set that way. Ran's eyes narrowed and he smiled in a pleased manner as he crossed his arms and looked Yohji up and down in a new light. Aya-chan wasn't sure what had happened, but she felt like Yohji had advanced closer to the true Ran that she knew was there while she fell even further behind. Where had this rift come from?

"Fine, then," Ran snapped huffily, though the twinkle said he relished every moment of making Yohji suffer through this. But, it meant Yohji was getting closer to acting the way Ran wanted his… lover to act. Yohji was going to conform to anything Ran desired to be the ideal 'partner' when he hadn't even passed Aya-chan's standards. He was moving in under the radar and Aya-chan couldn't get Ran to notice this smooth operator. Yohji was a relationship weasel, digging into the heart and body before leaving him without a though. Why did Ran have to fall in love with a man? A woman wouldn't leave Ran so easily.

"Well, Aya-chan, dear, shall we?" Yohji asked with a sneer all over his face while Ran turned away without even cleaning up their wineglasses. Aya-chan shaking set hers down on the floor, not quite believing what she was seeing. Ran would never leave dirty dishes, ever! This must… it had to be because of Yohji. He was warping everything that was so wonderful about Ran, like his politeness and cleanliness. When they were younger Mother used to complain that their little Ran did so much that there was nothing left for her to clean or fold.

"Oh, why, thank you, Yohji," Aya-chan ground out as Ran walked over to the key rack next to the door and took the keys to his lovely Porsche. Aya-chan smiled back at Ran, wanting to look like she was perfectly fine with this. One must keep up appearances. It was only fair, since Ran tried to pretend with her all the time that he wasn't hurting. But, Aya-chan could tell, she could see past everything and see what was underneath that hard shell Ran had put up. There was pain, but Ran didn't say a word about it, so Aya-chan was only left o imagine. There was so little to go off of, because Aya-chan hadn't been able to barely hear half of what Ran had said, so quite and hesitating in the middle of the night. She had still been shaken up from being kicked by him as well, but that had only hardened her up to take Yohji's slap. She could see that now.

Ran smiled back at Yohji, and to a lesser degree Aya-chan before he walked out the backdoor and to his car. Yohji gnawed at his lower lip for a moment, shifting as if deciding Ran could really handle going outside by himself right now or not. The moment the door closed, smiles dropped and they both took a step back, squaring off at each other.

"Why do you still call him that?" Aya-chan demanded as Yohji looked at her in extreme disgust for a moment.

"Shit," Yohji swore and turned kitchen table where they had been drinking like a couple only moments before and emptied the mug, glass, and bottle. Aya-chan felt rather proud of herself for breaking up Yohji's pathetic attempt to romance her brother and get him more than a little bit drunk so he wouldn't be able to tell what a bastard Yohji was!

"Call him what, little ole bitchy sis?" Yohji growled as he twisted his neck around to glare at her, shifting his weight to one side, as he looked her up and down like she was only a piece of trash standing in the way. Aya-chan was determined not to move, to block Yohji in any advance he made toward her brother. Ran was hers to protect. She was his sister after all. She didn't need Yohji moving in with his false love and empty whispers.

"My name, you over-sexed idiot," Aya-chan returned, always feeling a little rusty when it came to name calling. She was used to the dicey comments and referrals to certain things that might be rude or might not be, depending on who it was coming from. English gossip was by far easier to understand, because all Aya-chan had to do was look at their faces to know if was meant as a good thing or bad.

"That's what he calls himself now, sweetheart. He hasn't said anything, so I don't give a damn whose name it is," Yohji snapped back. Aya-chan made tight fists at her side, so angry that her nails dug into her fists as she glared at Yohji. How could this man be so incredibly infuriating at times? Ran's name was Ran! It made her sick to her stomach to hear Yohji call Ran by her won name when he was on the prowl, kissing or touching Ran here and there. She didn't want that sniffing around at her brother and calling him by her name. It was just too weird and plain sick.

"Why don't you just shut up and get my bags like a good boy?" Aya-chan snapped, rather short on her temper since Yohji had decided to worm his way into her family life. Thank goodness Ran wasn't a sister, or she might have to worry about marriage and end up related to Yohji. At least Aya-chan would be able to depend on a divorce as well, in such a case. Yohji would be gone before a proposal even made it to the dealing table! Had he really made her so nervous, to worry about things that could never happen?

"Anything to get you the fuck out of here," Yohji agreed with a shrug and a wave of his hand, turning to the stairs to go up for the luggage. Aya-chan tried very hard not to stomp after Yohji, but it was very hard when she was this angry. Following behind Yohji hadn't been in her plan. She should have gone up the stairs first, but Yohji was already halfway up even at his lazy pace. Aya-chan hated his long legs that let Yohji walk faster than her naturally. Why did Ran have to choose Yohji, of all people? She hadn't minded him so much in the earlier days when he had just been an obvious flirt, but now all of that stinking charm was turned on her brother. Why couldn't Ran see through this class act as easily as she could?

Yohji got to the top of the stairs and turned into his room, likely to get a shirt, finally. Thank goodness that Ran had told Yohji to put something on or Aya-chan didn't doubt he would wander outside like that. Aya-chan continued past… his room, though Ran really was in there a lot. It was just because he had given up his room for his guests, just as a gentleman should. Damn Yohji for being so inviting to Ran. He had almost been happy that night to flee into Yohji's room, back when there still was a door to lock behind him. She didn't like the fact they had repaired the door so quickly, because that must mean that there was a reason for it, and whatever that reason was it involved her older brother. That was not acceptable.

Aya-chan went into Ran's bedroom by herself, her and Sebastian's luggage piled up in front of his dresser by the door with that creepy looking sword in a stand on top. Aya-chan had made the bed and cleaned up after the bits of trash Sebastian had left in the room from take-out and magazines. She hoped that Ran wouldn't notice the stain they had left on the sheets. She had tried to use some water and soak it out, but Sebastian's essence just didn't come out that easily. Maybe Ran would think it was Yohji, but Aya-chan didn't want to imagine why that would be so. She didn't want to think that they had done it before, but if it would cover up the fact that Sebastian sometimes didn't even last long enough for Aya-chan to get a condom, Aya-chan would be fine with that.

She looked around the room first, wanting to remember how it looked before she left. The desk was exactly as Ran had left it with everything in neat and organized piles. Aya-chan and Sebastian had gone through the letters, files, and notebooks in his desk and put it all back like they had found it after Sebastian suggested they find out if Ran was hiding anything on paper one late night. After looking through a lot of bills and accounting sheets for the flower store, Sebastian found a plain spiral notebook full of handwritten lists in Japanese and handed it over to Aya-chan to translate. It was definitely written by her brother with his familiar stroke recognizable still despite the changes her brother had gone through lately. Except, it said things like times with street names and something like 'Mister Yamamoto' or 'Beard and Tattoo' with an amount of money.

Aya-chan had told Sebastian that it was for the flower shop as well, but her hands were shaking. He only raised and eyebrow and kept shifting through the papers, bringing out a new accounting book that was a different color from the plain white ones Ran used for the store, large and thin with 'Night Shift' written in permanent pen on the upper right hand corner. She glanced down at the numbers that Ran had put down again, her stomach tightening and the arches of her feet tingling in a sudden dread. The money was too much. The times were too often. The names were too vague, too many of them highlighted in red for Lord knew what reason. Aya-chan forced herself to give the notebook back to Sebastian so he could put it away, or else she might start to tear the paper apart.

Why did Ran keep a record of it? Was he proud of the work he did, like a sick businessman found pleasure in his job? How could Ran have wanted to know these things? She could see her brother checking his watch and remembering the time before crossing a street. Did he approach a car or just walk up to any stranger on the sidewalk? It made Aya-chan ill. She couldn't even glance at the accounting book and shakily told Sebastian to put it all back. Aya-chan had grabbed her toiletry bag and ran to the bathroom to throw up and swallow some pills Sebastian's mother had given her for headaches and such.

No matter what Ran been through, Aya-chan was determined to see her familiar old brother some time. She would make him come back to her one day, as soon as she got him out of Yohji's hands. Her brother would waste away under Yohji's care, like a plant without water withered and died. Yohji didn't know what Ran needed or how he was so special. He didn't recognize how unique her brother was. Aya-chan had admired him ever since she was old enough to realize just what a wonderful older sibling she had to look up to. Aya-chan would come back to this room one day and Ran would be in there instead of in Yohji's.

"What are you staring at?" Yohji asked as he breezed in from the hallway, suddenly there in the room with his oppressive personality, awful smile, and grey v-neck long-sleeved shirt on. Aya-chan clenched her eyes closed, not wanting to stain her brother's room with an argument with this loser, no matter how much she wanted to turn around and give Yohji a piece of her mind. He should have never slapped her this morning and her cheek still stung. He should be thanking his lucky stars that she was built of tougher stuff and not about to bruise over such a little slap. Aya-chan would run Yohji down with a car one day and see how he liked those injuries.

"Just get the bags, won't you?" Aya-chan snapped back, more than a little irritated now. Yohji could be so tedious sometimes. How did Ran even stand him for more than a few minutes? Yohji flipped her off and Aya-chan almost dropped her own bags in astonishment. How could anyone be so rude? Didn't he realize how mean he was? Ran couldn't deal with a cruel jerk like this. Yohji didn't have the slightest clue to how easily Ran could be hurt. Aya-chan did, because she was his sister.

"Sure, princess," Yohji laughed as he picked up the bags, for some reason making Aya-chan feel spoiled though he hadn't said anything. She didn't what this feeling was in her heart, but she just didn't like Yohji. Everything he said was hurtful no matter how he phrased it. Aya-chan couldn't understand why Ran would have laughed at anything Yohji had said. The blonde was a complete scumbag, a pick-up artist, practically bottom of the barrel. Ran could do so much better in England. Girls would fall over themselves for his exotic looks. Nobody would ever leave Ran if he was in a normal relationship.

"I don't appreciate your tone," Aya-chan sniffed, trying to be on the highroad. She wouldn't get ruffled by this man. He didn't have what it took to fluster her. Only Ran and Sebastian knew what could really get under her skin. Yohji didn't have a clue, but his simple presence was enough to irritate her. Yohji slung a duffel bag across one shoulder and glanced up at her with one eyebrow raised.

"What the fuck are you talking about? You were the one screaming Aya's ears out last," Yohji returned, not about to let some things go. She took a sharp breath, wanting to argue that she had not been yelling like the rude and brash idiot that Yohji was. Even Ran had said that everything was all right, but she knew Yohji thought he had been totally justified in slapping her. She wouldn't forgive him for that pain, which was a lot more real and solid than Yohji's crazy accusations.

"You don't need to talk to carry luggage," Aya suggested coldly as she walked out of the room, leaving a fair pile for Yohji to take down. As a girl, she didn't need to carry as much. Yohji could get the rest, even if he did have to take two trips. As a man, he should be able to handle that little bit. She wasn't sure if Yohji flipped her back off or not, but she got the same exact feeling as she turned the corner into the hallway. At least he would be stuck in the bedroom for a moment to gather up his next load of suitcases. Aya-chan might be able to get some private time with her brother for once.

She made it down the stairs safely, though there was one shaky misstep in her high heels that was almost deadly with the heavy suitcases, but Aya-chan managed to gain back her balance. The house was very quiet and seemed to be a little cold and still without anyone inside. It was better than the overwhelming energy those three brought in. How could Ran manage to live with such dynamic and contrasting personalities all under one roof? Aya-chan didn't understand why Ran would want to stay here, except Omi was a polite and cheerful relief between Yohji and Ken. She was glad she was leaving today, because the whole place held a few too memories for her taste of when she and Ken had been on much better terms.

Aya-chan set one suitcase down on the floor to open up the door that connected to the shop before picking her luggage up again and walking out into the store. The smell of flowers filled her nose and Aya-chan couldn't help but smile. It was a strange thing to have a brother that had such a touch with floral design and growing flowers, but the shop was truly wonderful. Shelves and stands held hundreds of different colors and petals in pots or water jugs, trimmed and perfect for selling. Ran made a living off of this, something that was good and wholesome. She knew he still hated the fact he had never even finished high school for her sake, but it was far too late now to fix that. Ran had missed his chance, and because of it he met Yohji. Aya-chan wished again that she had never fallen into a coma and made Ran feel responsible for her. What he did to support her was so extreme, because he didn't have a degree to get a high-paying honest job, and the ones he could get was nothing more than another restaurant job with no pay at all.

The front door was open so all Aya-chan had to do was push it open with her back and shuffle. The glass door opened slowly and Aya-chan adjusted her suitcases in her hands before spotting Ran standing inside the half-open door to the Porsche parked in front of Ken's Kawasaki. Aya-chan couldn't believe that Ran had bought anything so expensive for himself the first time she had seen her brother's new sports car. Ken was leaning over the back of the bike, dressed in full black leather riding gear with gloves and heavy boots as he leaned over the body of the bike to smile at Ran behind Omi's back. The sun was shining down on them all, bright as it shone off of the white of Ran's car and glistened on the plastic curves of Ken's motorcycle. She had remembered going on ride with the owners of both vehicles, privately when things weren't so awkward between them all.

"Don't worry, Ran-kun. Ken-kun is going to kick serious ass," Omi's loud and cheerful voice hit Aya-chan ears as the boy stood between the motorcycle and the front grill of Ran's car. Omi looked ready for some hotter weather than the sunny but brisk midday temperature, but he seemed to be fine. Ran was so thin that he might need a few more sweaters. There was still some snow melting in the streets and she wouldn't want him to catch a cold. Ran had a slight half-grin on his face, as if he found them humorous in a very slight way but not enough to actually laugh out loud. Aya-chan blinked at the three of them, friends that were much closer than Aya-chan had remembered when she left for England. When had Ran started to want to be around these other people? Before, she was just fine, but now Ran didn't notice her walk out onto the sidewalk as he put his arm over the window of the car door to smile back at Omi.

"All right, I believe you," Aya conceded, meaning that Omi must have been telling Ran that Ken would win over Sebastian in this race today over and over. Why would the boy think that he needed to? Did he want to Ken to end up kisses Sebastian? It wasn't half possible with the way everyone handled relationships around here. Ken and Omi were even worse than Yohji, just because the blonde couldn't get Ran to go along with less than half the time she tried to flirt with her brother. Aya-chan didn't like the way Omi smiled at Ran now, a little suspicious after that police visit.

"Hey, Aya-chan. What's up?" Ken waved from his bike as he began to adjust some of the straps across the chest of the jacket to make sure he was completely prepared for the match. Omi glanced over at Aya-chan and smiled in greeting while Ran's face went into the emotionless, deadpan expression again as he nodded to her cordially, like they were in the middle of a business meeting and not on the same side of the street outside his home. What was wrong with Ran these days? Surely he wasn't focusing on depressing things. Sure, he had been through some bad times, but that was no reason to be miserable all the time.

"Where's Yohji?" Ran asked, looking over at the door when the blonde failed to make an immediate appearance. Aya-chan smiled; quite proud of herself that she had managed to force Yohji to stay away for a while so she could appreciate her dear brother without the playboy hanging off Ran's right side. Omi and Ken were fouling up her private time with Ran, but it was better than having Yohji there. Ran kept on staring at the door, his face starting to border on stricken as he gripped the edge of the car door in the morning sun. Just what was there to be upset about as Ran glanced at people crossing the street at the intersection, the city always busy? Did being outside really upset Ran this much?

"He's coming, Ran. Why don't you help me with the suitcases?" Aya-chan asked, putting one down on the sidewalk for her brother to come along and help carry into her car. As a girl, she shouldn't have to carry anything so heavy. Aya-chan really hadn't meant to pack so many clothes, but she had forgotten how great Japanese clothing stores could be and simply had to go all out. Ran blinked at her and than shrugged, stepping out from behind the door of the Porsche and slamming it shut.

"Whoa, whoa, I'll get it. Open up the door for Aya-chan, Aya," Ken interrupted, putting up one hand when Ran put a black shoe down on the sidewalk. The brunette swung one leg off of the bike and walked over onto the sidewalk in front of Ran despite the displeased look that was clear as day on Ran's face. Omi only glanced as the watch on his left wrist, ignoring the fact that Ken wasn't letting her brother help a sister out. Why was everyone so protective of Ran when it came to her? Did they all think that she was going hurt him, because it was just too ridiculous to even think of!

"Oh, thank you, Ken," Aya-chan said sweetly, very skilled in covering up disappointment now that she had so much practice in the last few days. She gripped the one suitcase tighter as Ran hit the button on his keys and unlocked all the doors on his car again. Aya-chan brought it over to the side of the car and Ran grinned weakly like at, her like he was trying to be happy when he had eating something that turned his stomach as he pushed the front seat up forward so Aya-chan could put the luggage into the backseat first. She didn't even know what to say, just put the suitcase in as Ken came up with the next one as well as his usual self.

"So, Aya-chan, is Sebastian pissing his pants yet?" Ken laughed with a grin across his face that Aya-chan wanted to slap it off. She supposed this must have been how Yohji felt when he had come down this morning to hit her. They were all far too crude and uncivilized to be roommates for her brother. Omi 'shh'ed Ken but was smirking at the brunette's lack of refinement as Aya-chan glared at Ken. Ran moved aside, turning sideways to move between them without touching either and climb up to the safety of the sidewalk. Ken only winked at her and loaded the second case into the back seat as well despite the fact he should be trying to work on his bike instead of carrying her luggage. Aya-chan didn't really care if it meant Sebastian would get a slight edge. She knew he would win, but if Ken didn't prepare properly because he was helping her with the suitcases wouldn't hurt either.
"Did you know Sebastian was the champion of his high school racing team?" Aya-chan bragged into Ken's face, very sure that Sebastian was going to win easily. There was no doubt about it with his fierce competitive streak, but it was another reason why she loved him. Sebastian wouldn't let anyone beat him at anything, always having to be the best. She had ridden behind Ken on his bike before, and she thought he was a decent motorcyclist. Behind Sebastian she felt like they were riding on the wind, though she had nearly fallen off at times. Sebastian was riding the bike for the thrill of it no matter if someone was clinging to his back or not, and Ken just rolled along so Aya-chan could easily drape a hand on his shoulder and look at the scenery passing bay. Ken's driving was a bit boring, and there was no way he could win.

"Sebastian? That flaky guy?" Ken asked, laughing right in her face as he leaned back out of the car. Omi tried uselessly to hush Ken again with a smile on his face plainly saying that he thought it was funny as well. They didn't believe her! Only Ran's face paled a bit and his eyes widened even as far away from her as he was now. Ran seemed to be the only one who thought this might be bad news as he started to gnaw at his bottom lip, something that Aya-chan had never seen Ran do before. What new nervous habit was this?

"He's going to beat you without any trouble," Aya-chan returned, feeling no old affection for Ken right now. She wanted him to lose and be forced to watch as Sebastian took that stupid kiss Ken wanted. It would serve him right for trying to lust after her brother. The whole thing was just some strange guy thing and all Aya-chan understood was that Sebastian needed to be the winner. Ran wasn't something Ken and Yohji could play around with and disregard concern for. She didn't want them around Ran anymore, not if they were all going to try to keep Ran perverted like that. It wasn't natural to feel something for the same gender!

"We'll just see," Ken laughed with his hand waving her off dismissively. How could he just ignore her like that? Aya-chan had been his girlfriend once! Why wasn't he scared of Sebastian? Didn't he know just how much was at stake if he lost? He had to; Ken had been the one to bet Ran… hadn't he? Aya-chan paused mentally for a moment, trying to think back to what Sebastian had told her exactly. He wouldn't lie to her, so Aya-chan shouldn't even doubt him! Aya-chan pushed those thoughts aside, turning around to reach out for Ran.

"Yohji!" Ran said sharply right as Aya-chan opened her mouth, not even giving her one look and moving away from her to walk to the blonde. Yohji had three suitcases in each hand, two bags that had shoulder straps slung around his body, sunglasses, and a cigarette lit and already half gone as he squeezed through the front door of the shop. Thank goodness Yohji was so thin or he wouldn't have been able to fit all the luggage past the doorway. How he had opened the door and carried all that at the same time was a mystery to Aya-chan. Ken took one glance over to the overburdened blonde and started to laugh while Omi just tossed his hands up and jogged over to help Yohji, giving up entirely on making Ken be polite.

"Did you bring down all of it?" Ran demanded crossly as Aya-chan hung back, equally irritated with Yohji. Couldn't he have taken a bit longer in coming? She hadn't wanted Yohji to interrupt what little time she found to talk to Ran. He was trying to keep them apart, because he knew that Ran would come back to her in an instant if he allowed it. Yohji was like cancer or some other equally awful disease that had latched onto Ran, and he knew that Aya-chan could be just the right antidote. Once she pulled Yohji away from her brother, Ran would be back to his old self in no time, with no bother to what had happened in the past.

"I damn well tried," Yohji grumbled around his cigarette, shooting an angered look at Aya-chan over the top of his tinted glasses while Omi and Ran swarmed around Yohji. The blonde was the only person Ran would 'hover' next to, just as he was doing now with wonderfully honest and concerned eyes for a moment before he saw her staring at him and the mask was on again. Yohji turned a bit to keep the luggage from Ran's outstretched hands and toward Omi instead, the sunglasses hanging dangerously low on his nose. Couldn't he take those stupid things off? Really, it was ridiculous to wear glasses all the time! He looked awful in them. Yohji was not nearly as handsome as he thought he was, nor did he make much of an impression on Aya-chan. She would show Ran the truth behind Yohji's little act.

"Pop the trunk, Aya," Yohji ordered as he handed a few suitcases off to Omi instead of Ran. Aya-chan had noticed that while they were all a bunch of rude and self-centered jerks, all three of them were very concerned about Ran, always looking out for him and making sure that her brother didn't strain himself so soon after a still ongoing recovery. The scars were awful to think about, so Aya-chan tried not to remember them. Ran certainly didn't give anyone a chance to jog their memories with the way he dressed now. Ran had always been a little modest, but now he was covered neck to toe these days. It only made it more painfully obvious that he was trying to hide, but Aya-chan wouldn't dare say a thing to Ran. He already got more than enough from Yohji's insensitive and constant questioning.

"I…" Aya started, his hand frozen in the middle of reaching for the luggage in Yohji's left hand as Omi adjusted the two he had in each in hand.

"I know you can do it by your fucking self, but you have the damn keys right now," Yohji snapped back irritably as he dropped all the suitcases in frustration. Yohji immediately cracked his neck and shook out his arms as Aya-chan stared at all of their bags being so roughly handled, not sure if she should kill Yohji or not in broad daylight. Ran blinked and looked down absently to his set of keys in his hand, as if surprised to see them there. He turned, a bit of a dumbfounded look on his face now that Ran was only facing Aya-chan, and walked over to the back of the Porsche without so much as a glare. Wasn't he going to argue with Yohji? Shouldn't he be yelling at his brute boyfriend for dropping her suitcases everywhere?

"Be careful! There are breakable things in those!" Aya-chan demanded as she tromped forward herself to grab one of their precious suitcases off of the sidewalk. Yohji's eyes were hidden behind his glasses as the blonde took a deep drag from the cigarette. Omi coughed loudly and dramatically, sounding like he was in danger of losing a lung as he walked after Ran who had already popped the trunk of the sports car. Yohji didn't say anything, but she could have sworn that she heard growling and the sound of something metal. He must be getting out a lighter, but it didn't really sound like it. She glanced up from picking up the luggage to see Yohji drop his hands away from his watch almost guiltily.

What is he doing? Why does he always play with that watch? Aya-chan wondered as she grabbed one of Sebastian's large bags from the sidewalk and took two bags back to the car. It would be a shame to do a worse show of helping out than Omi, but Aya-chan thought that they all should be waiting on her hand and foot. Wasn't she a guest, after all? Yohji was left with only one suitcase for each hand despite the duffel bags he had slung around his body. Ken was already back at his bike, fiddling with the gears and doing who knew what to make that engine run better, but whatever he was doing made her nervous. Sebastian had to win.

Aya-chan approached the back of the Porsche warily, knowing that Yohji was following right behind her by the smell of cigarette smoke. It disgusted her to see someone smoke that much and Aya-chan couldn't imagine that Ran let Yohji even kiss him with mouth full of old filters. Ran was in danger of dying by second hand alone! So was poor Omi, though the boy tried to actively protest it a bit more than Ran. At leas the boy didn't want to get an early grave as he loaded up the two suitcases into the trunk of the Porsche.

"It's a shame you couldn't stay longer, Aya-chan," Omi moaned back, probably the only one besides Ran, of course, that would actually miss her. She smiled as Ran pushed the suitcases further up in the small trunk, trying to clear as much room as possible for all of the other luggage. He graciously took one of the suitcases from her without even being asked like Aya-chan had to do with Ken and Yohji. Ran glanced over at her and held out on white hand, still so smooth and perfect with five thin fingers stretched toward her.

"Ran?" Aya-chan asked excitedly, knowing that her brother wanted her for some reason, was reaching out to touch her or maybe even give her a hug goodbye. That was all Aya-chan could hope to have from Ran now after the way he freaked out this morning. She had thought that maybe he was just nervous, but even in these few days that she actually got to see Ran Aya-chan could tell that it was much deeper than that. But, it didn't matter, because Ran was still giving her the same old loving look with his familiar violet eyes. He was still her brother. He hadn't changed at all.

"Suitcase," he quipped lowly when Aya-chan only stared at him, waiting for another answer. He wasn't just holding his hand out for the suitcase, was he? Ran meant something more, didn't he? He wouldn't have looked so special in that one moment, so loving and open if he didn't want to say something more. Omi straightened up slowly, glancing at the two siblings as silence descended on them for a brief moment. Aya-chan heard Ran shift his feet, the scrape of his sole on the pavement while she didn't look away from his eyes and-

"Oh, hell no! Omi, take her bag," Yohji snapped, his voice exploding next to her ear as Yohji invaded the small bit of space she had next to her brother. A suitcase hit her leg and a duffel back dug into her shoulder, but Yohji was so loaded down with other luggage that Aya-chan couldn't be sure if he had meant to or not. You could never be sure with Yohji just what he was thinking. The blonde was clever as a fox to sneak into Ran's heart, but he lacked any tact at all by rudely shoving between them all.

"Aya-chan?" Omi asked nicely from her other shoulder. She numbly handed the suitcase to the boy and he took it without another word. Why did Yohji always have to put himself between Aya-chan and her brother? When had he gained the right to order Ran around and tell him what he could and couldn't lift. Aya-chan didn't care if Ran looked like he could only pick up a piece of paper right now, if he wanted to try the heavy suitcases Aya-chan wouldn't stop him.

"Yohji!" Ran growled, saying the older man's name far too much for Aya-chan's own tastes. The blonde ignored it like he ignored any other complaints from poor Ran. What had he done to make Ran be able to stand his presence for more than a few seconds? He was horrible, horrible, horrible! Aya-chan couldn't wait to see Yohji's face when Ran took the prize. It would serve them all right for mistreated her brother when he had been dying under their very eyes. She would have noticed something was wrong much sooner if she had stayed in Japan to take care of him. She would have loved Ran just like he deserved to be.

"Quit your bitching, Red," Yohji grumbled back as carelessly hefted her and Sebastian's bags into the empty trunk. Ash fell from the cigarette and hit the back bumper of the Porsche while Ran stared at Yohji in shock. Just how many little affectionate names did Yohji have to call her brother by? Maybe he had said 'Ran' and Aya-chan had just been hearing things, but Omi also had an eyebrow raised. Did he have to go about embarrassing her brother like this all the time?

"Maybe if you didn't give me so much to complain about," Ran retorted, crossing his arms and resting his weight on one long leg, glaring at Yohji for all the world like a wife resigned to the fact her husband was a complete idiot. Ran blew at the bangs falling into his eyes in frustration, trying so hard to look angry and dignified at the same time, just for Yohji. Ran didn't care about how they saw him, but how Yohji was going to look at him mattered so much to Ran. It left Aya-chan with a bitter taste in her mouth and her stomach tightened because she knew in her heart that Ran really did love Yohji more than her. She had known ever since that night Ran had gone into Yohji's room, but she hadn't admitted it until now. She was supposed to be Ran's first duty in life. She was his last family member! He wasn't allowed to leave her just because he had found someone new and exciting. Yohji's flippant emotions would never be as permanent and trustworthy as hers. That was what being a sister was all about.

"Really, you two!" Omi raised up his hand between both of them like a referee, calling the game before things got too messy. "We've got a race coming up that will be very important," Omi suggested none too discretely; checking Ran and Yohji's to make sure his message got through. Aya-chan could depend on Omi always trying to keep Yohji from saying anything else. She could tell that Ran's face had whitened after Omi interrupted them, probably scared of the brutish playboy.

"That's right. Let's just get this stupid bet over with," she snapped, not wanting to wait there a moment longer. Omi shrugged at her attitude, sighing and tisking his tongue in disappointment as her as though she was the child. Aya-chan didn't look like she was ten years old, unlike some little brats! She had always thought that Omi was the sensible on of the group, but Aya-chan was obviously wrong.

Ran scratched at the corner of his eye before deciding to give up entirely and pace around to the driver's side of the Porsche. Ran stepped in without a word, and the three of them were left to stand in an uncomfortable silence. She truly did feel like a child now, always so much younger than Ran. He was mature beyond his years, deciding to not get involved in something so ridiculous.

Sebastian had better win.

AUTHOR'S APOLOGY (you all tired of it yet?): Would you believe me if I said I wasn't milking it? I'm sorry!! Scout's honor that I didn't mean to make this so LONG, but well- I had chapters 15-18 finished but then I actually took the time to go back and read them again, and I felt like I was looking at a rough draft so I went though and added on EVERYWHERE… in fact, I think it helped so much that I'm gonna do the first chapters as well, because I never read through those(believe it or not, I really did have an editor from day one. Now I have three, THANK YOU, I hope it's going to show in these final ones because several special people have been working long and hard on their own time so this will make sense) and it mutated into more pages than first foreseen. I was working under an imaginary twenty page limit per chapter thing, because I thought any longer would be a little too long to sit through, but that's been thrown to the wind a long time ago. Ahem… As Kero would say: 'Putting that thought aside'

AUTHOR'S NOTE: you KNOW Aya-chan would never think cum, jiz, ejaculation, spermies, man juice, or what not, unless it was directed at Yohji, so I thought long and hard about adjectives and came up with essence. I think I read that before, somewhere… I can't wait to get out of the dorms, our next door neighbor started dealing so it smells hella funky at the end of the hall *gag* Needless to say, but everyone's been so paitent with me, so excuse the wait because I thought it would be nice not to be a dick and leave a cliff hanger. Now, I meant the race to be in this chapter, but after editing it got so wicker large it wasn't, so to save time and headaches, take your potty break now…

ON TO THE FINAL CHAPTER (for reals!)