Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Forgiveness ❯ Penance ( Chapter 15 )

Disclaimer: As I have said before, if I owned Yu-gi-oh, there would be less goddamn dueling!

Siiigh. Is this my reward for posting early? I posted this weekend's chapter of Costume Jewelry on Wednesday, and the only review I have gotten on it is one I begged moonymonster, my hallmate, to do. Is this my reward for not being someone who holds updates hostage for reviews, but posts on completion?

Siiigh. Oh god, I have become a review whore. Shoot me now.

But R&R first. Pwity Pwese?

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Yami shook his head sadly. "No, Aibou, I cannot duel you as you wish."

"Why not?" Yugi growled.

"Because I promised Seto I would not let myself die. But…" Yami knelt and held out his hands. A sword appeared in them. "By Law, if one refuses a fair contest, the one who challenged them is not bound by the Laws of the Duel, but may do what they please."

"What does that mean?" Yugi said, backing up. What was the sword for?

"It means that as I stand here, you may do to me what you wish. I will not fight you. You may inflict upon me the pain you felt at being used against your will, the pain Pegasus felt. I will take whatever you do to me, trusting you to be fair. Even to the death of this body."

"You… you want me to take that sword and kill you?" Yugi gasped.

"Yes. Since I cannot give you the final death, I can perhaps redeem myself by giving you this death." Yami kept his head bowed. He could feel Seto frantically trying to contact him. -Please, wait Love. There is something I must do.-

Yugi stood shock still. Was Yami serious? But… how would he know? Yami could act, he'd acted like he loved Yugi and then deceived Seto as well. And… actually cutting someone, seeing the blood…

Taking apart the Puzzle had seemed so clean, so sterile. Destroying a spirit, a demon, not a real person. A thing without a name

Yet here Yami knelt, holding out that sword. Peacefully awaiting whatever Yugi chose to do.

Yami had taken off Pegasus's head, the others had said. With no emotions beside annoyance and resignation.

An eye for an eye. Yami should die the same way. But… he wouldn't really die. And…

Yugi didn't know what to do.

He stood there, silent.

After a while, Yami stood up. He walked over, holding the sword by the blade. He touched the hilt to Yugi's right hand and he took it automatically. "Do not feel guilty. If this will buy me some slight forgiveness, some iota less of hate, I will suffer the pain gladly." He knelt again, right in front of Yugi, baring the back of his neck for the blade.

Suddenly, Yugi knew what to do. He held the sword to Yami's neck, and held it there for a moment.

Then he drew it away, and threw the blade. It clattered to the ground a few yards away.

"You suffering doesn't change the fact that other people suffered, Yami. You broke your promise. You lied to me. And to Seto."

Yami looked up, surprised. "When did I lie to you, except by not letting you destroy me? When have I lied to Seto?"

Yugi gazed at him sadly. "You told me you loved me. And then you kissed him. Seto wouldn't kiss you unless he thought you loved him. That's two of us you've lied to, about the most important thing, Yami. I can't forgive you for that."

He turned away. "What you said, about how Seto was going to lose to Pegasus… I can see Seto being willing to die to save Mokuba. He did, literally, ask for it. So, I still can't agree, but I understand. And… I can't help but forgive you. And… you didn't actually do it. You listened to me. You let me have my body back."

"And then… you took me over and killed Pegasus. You did… I admit it. I was losing to Mai. You saved my Grandpa, and Seto and Mokuba, and me as well. But… we lost to Kaiba, and we still made it into the castle. Losing that duel wouldn't have been the end. Maybe, if you had not taken me over, I would have trusted you again, like I did before. I was very close to forgiving you then. Together, we could have won. And no-one would have had to die."

Yugi turned back to Yami, his eyes bright with tears. "You helped me so many times… I miss you. It feels like my heart has been torn out of me, and all I can think of is how I miss it. I'm alone: there's no other presence that soothes me. I… I think I love you. But you don't love me. You lied to me: you used me. Like you're using Seto now. And I can't forgive you, Yami. I can't forgive you for that. No matter how much I want to."

"I am not lying." Yami said, trying to convey his honesty. "I do love you, and Seto as well. I want to be with you again, I want to die so you will be satisfied, but Seto was so alone, and he comforted me, and I can't leave him alone now that he loves me. I can't let the person he loves die. Can't you see that, Aibou? Can't you see that I love you both?"

"Don't call me that!" Yugi yelled angrily. Then he slumped, his anger replaced by sadness and defeat. "Don't call me that. You never saw me as a partner. Or you would not have used me against my will as you did. Don't lie any more, I can't take it. Goodbye."

And Yugi walked through the portal, back to his body, Yami staring after him imploringly. But he didn't turn around.

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Seto stood in the room with the Virtual Pod, cradling the Puzzle. ---Goddamn you Yami, speak to me! What the hell is going on? Why are you still there? Answer me, goddamn it!---

He found himself in front of a door with the same design as the Puzzle, banging on it. The only thing he could sense was somber resignation. `He hasn't… he hasn't chosen to die!? No, he couldn't have! He promised me he wouldn't leave! I can't take anyone else leaving!'

"Yami, come back." He whispered, hugging the puzzle to himself.

He didn't know how long he stood there, before he felt a slight form throw himself into his arms, sending the puzzle away to avoid hitting it.

---Yami.--- He hugged him, relieved. But he was crying again. What had Yugi done this time?

He'd thought… he'd watched Yugi at school when he had first arrived, as he had studied all the students. He didn't think the kid had it in him, to be cruel like this. He'd seemed like such a sweet little chump, a pushover. How could he resist Yami?

How could he hurt him like this? He'd seemed so… nice, Kaiba knew the word now. Almost trustworthy.

He didn't deserve Yami, if he hurt him like this. So cruelly that Seto's strong one was shivering in his arms and torment flooded into him along the link.

He sent reassurance as hard as he could. As Yami had done for him, when he had feared the center of his world thought he was evil.

And he coaxed Yami into showing him the memory, and he saw how the one Yami needed rejected him now for loving Seto. And how despite this, Yami had refused to reject Seto.

Had affirmed that he would not die. That he would not leave, would not abandon him as everyone had, as even Mokuba would one day. But Yami was a spirit, right? He wouldn't die as long as the puzzle was complete, right?

---Promise me. Promise me you'll stay, stay with me. Live for me. Won't leave me alone. I've given you my love. I've let you in. You have the power to break me. Don't, please. Please, love.---

--I won't Seto. I won't.-Hands reached up and grasped his face. -Hold me? I need you too. My Other hates me, and I cannot find the words to make it right. I don't even know if those words exist.-

---And if they don't, will you stay? Can I make you happy? Will you make me happy?--- Seto asked as he looked into burgundy eyes.

--I… I will do my best. But do not trust my word. I promised myself I would let my little one break me for what I did. I believed I could not wish to live, having betrayed him. And now… now I have betrayed him twice over. And now… the gods have damned me, but I love you. I swear on my broken word that I will always love you.-

Yami kissed him, and it tasted of bitter salt. -Please… don't hate me, don't reject me? Please, Seto? I… I know I don't deserve you…--

---Well, I don't deserve you, so that makes us even.--- And Seto kissed him back, hard, devouring him as he knew Yami needed to be devoured. ---Come on, let's go find Mokuba and go home. It's been a long day.---

He pulled, and brought Yami with him. They appeared in the same inner corridor he had waited in. Seto opened the other door, knowing without knowing just what to do.

He pulled Yami inside the lab. Over to the little cot that was where he caught brief naps during projects. This was his place, only his. He'd designed it. Cool, white and sterile: it was peace and fun to him. Where he proved himself. Where he was a genius, the place of his power and pride.

He had it because of Yami. Before… when he went inside himself, he was bombarded with Gozaburo's `training' room.

Since Death-T… he was his own person again. The person he had made himself.

Still not… normal, happy. He could have made himself that way: he'd had the freedom to reassemble his personality any way he chose, but…

It hadn't been safe.

He'd thought it would never be safe.

Until Yami came again.

So he tucked him in the bed that had grown big enough for two, and handed him a Blue-Eyes plushie that had appeared out of nowhere, and ran his fingers through his beautiful hair, and stayed and soothed him to sleep as he walked out the door of the Virtual Pod Lab to go find Mokuba.

The Puzzle hung around his neck.

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The pod's cover came off and Yugi climbed out and looked at everyone around him. "Sorry I took so long, guys. I wanted to challenge Yami, but he wouldn't duel me."

"He turned down a duel?" Everyone looked surprised.

Yugi sighed. "He promised Seto he wouldn't let me break the Puzzle. So…" He shrugged.

"What took so long then?" Tea asked, wondering.

"…We talked." Yugi said shortly. He looked around. "Where's Mokuba?"

"Oh, he ran off as soon as he woke up. He wanted to get back to his bro." Jou looked approving. The Kaibas were jerks… or so he'd thought, until all this stuff had happened, but it was nice to see siblings together. Like Serenity and him couldn't be.

Damn dad.

Oh well.

"What did you talk about?" Mai asked. She frowned to herself. "Why does he look like you, anyways? Is it just that you solved that thingy and woke him up? But… you two aren't identical… I thought something was odd, when I hooked up with you guys after all the duels the first day. And at dinner in the castle the next day. He's taller, seeing you two together, and his hair's tamer, and his eyes are red."

Jou elbowed her.

Oh. Yugi was uncomfortable. Who cared?

"Look, Yugi. I know it's none of my business, but I have a reputation as an interfering bitch to maintain. So what if he killed that bastard? I saw what he did to Kaiba and the twerp. Someone had to take him out, if he wouldn't stop. `Yami' is an honorable guy. He would have given him a warning. He did, right?" She asked, turning to Jou.

Jou and the others nodded. "He said Pegasus knew what Yami would do if he didn't free all the souls he'd taken."

"See?" She said, turning back to Yugi. "And he apologized, right? I mean, if he took you over to do it, that's something to apologize for. And you have a right to be pissed. But Pegasus…" She shook her head.

Yugi sighed, and his shoulders slumped. "I… I've almost forgiven him for that. I'm angry, but… He did what he thought was right. I would want him back, but… he lied to me. And he's lying to Seto. And I can't forgive him for that." He looked away.

Everyone looked at each other.

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One person reviewed CJ I was writing this! Thanks, Chibi-Pepsi13!

Something that interests me is that in the manga, they make it clear that post Death-T, Kaiba got to put his personality together the way he wanted it. So… why would he choose to still be so wounded that he needed Battle City, which is basically his attempt to seek self-worth, to head toward finally being healed? Because he was convinced he needed his scars, his armor, to survive. So we end up with SuspiciousBastard!Seto instead of HomicidalBastard!Kaiba. It's very interesting, how he does the best he can, but still knows he needs to do better to become a good brother.

I hope this make it more clear where Yugi is coming from. Thanks everyone who understood what he was going through! Innocent: loved your review.

Here is her review: I don't think that your Yugi is horrible or stupid! Okay I can't help wincing a little at some of his speeches and actions but he's standing up to someone *he* really believes is a murderer, and who might just kill him and anyone in the vicinity. That's actually pretty brave of Yugi when you think about it.
I think that some of the dislike come from the fact that Yugi's faults and mistakes have been really focussed on, while Yami (and to a lesser extent Seto) are portrayed as being somewhat perfect and always right, which makes Yugi look even worse in comparison. As an example with the virtual world (wonderful plot twist by the way :) ) its made so clear that Yami and Seto are in such complete control and in no danger whatsoever that Yugi entering the game as well comes across as, well, annoying interference. And when he starts in on Yami it does create a bit of a feeling of resentment, a sort of 'well who invited you anyway?' attitude which obscures the fact that Yugi's joining in was an act of concern and compassion.
It also obscures the very real issues that Yugi has, because lets be honest, Yami calling Yugi aibou prior to the duelist kingdom pegasus duel is a bit of a joke. Being thrown in your soul room and kept there until your other half has resolved the situation to *his* satisfaction can *not* be considered a parntership. With the best of intentions Yami has kept all the power and control in *his* hands and I think that anyone in Yugi's position is going to feel helpless, dominated and agitated no matter how 'nice' or 'good' Yami appears. It's not until Yugi refuses to co-operate any more and almost forces Yami to treat him as an equal that the relationship developes into the partnership based on mutual trust that we all love.
And obviously as they never got to that point in this fic, Yugi's reactions aren't that much of a surprise. I'm sure though once they get it all hashed out everything will be fine :)
And that's what I really love about this story. That despite the misery, misunderstandings and torment it's all about people's healthy developments. Yugi's asserting his independence, Yami is re-learning how to live, and Kaiba is beginning to appreciate other people for their individual worth.
It's great :) Now all they have to do is start getting along...

This review makes me feel very sad. I tried to show that Yami had made a mistake, and was the one who had been horrible to Yugi, not the other way around. And I said that the game needed more players, explaining why Yugi's involvement was needed. I guess I didn't do a good enough job. Yugi is not a bad guy in this fic: he is merely a principled person who is being asked to forgive horrible crimes against him and Pegasus, who was once a decent human being, without being given good reasons to do so. I tried to address the complaints people had raised about my Yugi in this chapter before reading this review. I'm glad I managed to cover most of them. But I still thought it would be good for people to read this wonderful review.