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Disclaimer: I do not own DBZ and I don't make any money with this story so please do not sue me!
Personal Note: Hey there, this fic was up on ff.net for a helluva long time and ppl there really loved it so I hope you mediaminer guys will like it too! (The people of FF.net just deleted it. I can't believe it. After it was up for more than 2 month or something. And they deleted all the 75 reviews with it. I'm so depressed...)
Rated R for talking about lemony stuff!
No-Nos of DBZ FanFiction!
I've stopped counting on how many B/V-Get-Togethers I've read. I love'em but there are things I just wanted to let you know! So here are the THIRTEEN NO-NOS:
1. Yamcha the player/cheater and beater!
Every story goes like this: "Yamcha cheats on Bulma" or "Yamcha beats up Bulma" or "Yamcha cheats on Bulma and beats her up" continued with the sentence "...and Vegeta is going to save/rescue her". Do you really think Yamcha would do things like that?! Why don't you invent something new, like "Yamcha finds out that he's gay and leaves Bulma" or "Yamcha thinks that Bulma would fit better to Vegeta and breaks up with her" or "Yamcha is threatened by Vegeta to leave Bulma because he's so in love with her" (uh-oh, that would be against number 2).
2. Vegeta likes bonding and does romantic stuff?!
Uhm, no. No matter how much I try, I cannot imagine Vegeta throwing rose petals and preparing a candle-light dinner for his one and only. Do you know what Vegeta would say to this? "That's a woman thing you baka!" And that whole bond thing. Now imagine this situation, which is happening in almost every B/V Get Together: Bulma and Vegeta are in her/his bedroom, they kiss and do some foreplay (check out number 6) and just before Vegeta is going to enter her he stops and starts to 'chat'(!!!): "Woman, if we do this we'll stay together forever. I won't let any other man touch you. And I have to bite you." Okay, no matter how hot Vegeta is, and he is very hot (^o^), in this situation, I would expect Bulma to say "Are you insane? This is our first date and my name is Bulma! And what is this thing with the bite?"
3. Vegeta the virgin?!
*shudders* NO!!! How old was Vegeta when he probably got together with Bulma? I guess between 25 and 30? He's Vegeta no ouji, I'm quite sure he had some whores(!)/girlfriends(?)/women in space (not on Vegetasei, I corrected this, because of the reviews). No matter how much we all adore him *sigh* he's just a man with needs, right?
4. Bulma the virgin!
Hmmm, how long has Bulma been together with Yamcha before they broke up? About 10 years? No matter how much we all adore Bulma but I don't believe this! She has needs too. So you want Vegeta to take her virginity and you want Vegeta to be Bulma's only man. I understand that! But face it, we're talking about Bulma.
5. Bulma the nympho!
Yes, it's possible. Bulma loves the sex with Vegeta, yes! But Bulma doesn't climax when Vegeta just tips her on her shoulder to tell/ask her something!!! (They would have more than two children then, I guess ^-^)
6. Vegeta's standard-foreplay!
I've read lots of V/B lemons (Do you have a problem with that? At least I'm not under legal age, k?) and Vegeta's foreplay is exactly the same in every story. First he kisses her passionately, then he kisses her neck, then he strokes/sucks Bulma's breasts, then he licks her until she climaxes and than they have sex. Not that I don't like this stuff, but would a bit imaginativeness be so bad? I've read a very original Goten/Bra fic. Well, the story wasn't original but the lemony part. Uhm, yeah...
7. The kitchen and the gravity room!
Ah well, what can I say. So these are the only rooms Vegeta can be met. So I guess you have no choice. Uhm, bye then.
8. Bulmas threatening!
There are two threats I don't wanna read anymore. 1)"If you don't do *insert stupid thing to do* then I won't repair the gravity room anymore!" HA! Vegeta should answer something like "Then I guess your daddy will have to do this task." Kami... 2)"Now do *insert ridiciulous thing to do* or I won't cook for you anymore!" Oh no! Vegeta, quick follow her instructions. Again, HA!!! Check out the next number!
9. Vegeta is unable to cook!
It's not like you need a diploma to use the microwave or the stove. Vegeta is not stupid! That's why number 8 is so dumb.
10. Bathroom surprise! or I like to watch you taking a shower!
*cry* Vegeta a voyeur?! I'm not getting tired of saying this word: NO!!!! Bulma takes a shower and Vegeta watches her. Why don't you let him masturbate too?! ARGH!!! He's a prince with honor and pride, he would never do that! (I mean the voyeur thing *smirk*)
11. Let's repair the gravity room! or Vegeta blasted the gravity room to the next dimension again!
In some stories, the only dialogues are about the broken gravity room. Vegeta tells Bulma to repair it. She tells him he's a jerk and repairs it afterwards. Vegeta than a) takes a shower, b) eats something (number 9) or c) watches Bulma and daydreams of her (OOC!!!). Vegeta blasts the gravity room in, I guess, 98% of all B/Vs. Why don't you let him blast something different. For example Kakarott. (Sorry Goku-Fans; wait a minute I'm a Goku-fan too. And a Vegeta-fan. Wow...) Or let him blast Bulma. You then could write a story with a title like "Vegeta's search for a new mate" or "Mr. V and the women" or "He's a lady"(???) or "Vegeta & Goku: The ultimate yaoi" (Please don't!!! Remember? I'm a V/B fan).
12. The evil smirk and the baka-problem!
It's like he answers everything with an (evil) smirk! "Vegeta, how are you?" *smirk*; "Vegeta, how's you're training going?" *smirk*; "Vegeta, would you like fries with that?" *smirk*. Let him say something cool. But NOT, I repeat, NOT baka. This is just way overused. I'm sure Vegeta knows a lot of swearwords. Let him use them! YAY!!!
13. Vegeta's silly thoughts!
Most used thought of Vegeta: "Why do I care for this (baka) woman?" Why don't you answer this question for once? Somebody should copy all thoughts of Vegeta from all the stories out there and put them together in one story. The name of the story would be something like "My mind is your mind" or "I think I'm in love"(?!)(Read chapter one) or "Vegeta & Brain"(???) or "Thoughts are cool"(shudder).
AN: Review if you're laughing! (I got 75 reviews for my B/V no-nos on fanfiction.net. And they just deleted it. *curls up into a ball and crys*)
I have much more chaps on my PC, if you like this, I'll upload the others too!