Beyblade Fan Fiction ❯ Adoption ❯ Chapter 1 ( Chapter 1 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Adoption

So I read over this and almost fainted at all the mistakes and bad setting out and so forth. So I'm revising this. I'm pedantic.

Chapter 1

A serious looking woman walked over to the desk and quietly whispered to the receptionist. A tired looking 4 year old boy with long black hair waited for her. His hair was sticking out and he had been crying. His dull gold eyes looked uninterestedly at his surroundings. She returned and led the boy into a room with other kids. He kept his wide innocent eyes downcast and bit his lip nervously.

“Raymond Kon?” a severe woman enquired. Ray looked up and mumbled something. She led him to the councilor's office. “Hi I'm Karen and you can talk to me whenever you want” she introduced. Her patronizing tone angered him.

Ray tried not to laugh at her. “I doubt it old bag” he sharply replied.

She glared at him. “That language is impropriate” she firmly said as she was talking to a naughty five year old.

Ray grinned. “Yeah but that's never stopped me” he replied in malice. After a long silence he finally said “well what part of my life do you want to know?” He knew he couldn't escape this.

Karen smiled. Finally she was getting somewhere. “Tell me about your mother” she began.

“You mean that bitch that lied to gain my trust but betrayed me. Oh yeah I'll tell you about her. She hates me. How do I know? She can barely look at me or touch me. If she does its cause I did something wrong. That's not pleasant” he replied sourly.

“How does it make you feel? Are you sad or angry?” she asked in her concerned voice as if he were as fragile as glass.

“Not really” he replied indifferently.

“Okay” she frowned “how about your father? Does he try to stop her?”

Ray smirked “I wouldn't expect him to. He spends half his time at a pub up the road. I don't know why mum doesn't dump him already. His got a different whore each week.” He sneered at his comment.

She looked at the boy in pity and he hated her for that.

“I don't want your pity bitch” Ray said noticing her sympathetic look.

She sighed. “I think that's as far as where going to get today” she said in defeat.

Ray was led back to the room with kids. Surveying the crowed he noticed a girl with pink hair and cat ears. `Strange' he thought. He shyly walked over and introduced himself.

She looked over a smile that revealed two sharp fangs. “I'm Mariah” she replied with a slight blush. Ray sat down and picked up the colored Lego she was using.

The counselor smiled at the pair `maybe this won't be so hopeless after all'.

Okay so that's written way better than before. Hope this one is more enjoyable and easier to read.