Beyblade Fan Fiction ❯ Here I Am ❯ Would I? ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Kai's suffocating; he can't breathe, he can't think, all he wants to do is forget. Cutting helps him for now, but what happens when the need to forget becomes too great? Will he take his life or can his friends learn of his methods before it's too late?

Anime/Manga: Beyblade Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Drama | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 08.09.2007 | Pages: 2 | Words: 3.0K | Visits: 529 | Status: Work In Progress

Chapter 1:

Would I?

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I'm standing at the edge of the rooftop of the seventeen story building, pondering on whether I should jump or not.

The wind, gentle as ever, caresses my cheek and ruffles my hair, as if I was a little boy playing in the park. I gaze up at the sky; it was gray, no sunlight shining through the thick dreary puffs. It made everything seem…drearier…As if that was even possible. I thought to myself with a roll of my eyes.

I lean against the metal rails that separated me from my death. They were harmless, and not tall enough to stop me from jumping over them. The bars holding it up were at least two feet away from each other. It was as if the people who created it were encouraging me to slip between them and fall to my doom.

Funny, I muse,I never really believed that I would put myself in this type of situation. Never.

I turn around and lean against it with my arms, my back facing the seventeen story fall and my head floating in the clouds. I wasn't sure if it was right to do this. If I lived—which I highly doubted it—Tala would probably strangle me to death, screaming about how I could be so stupid at times. Ray, Tyson, Hilary, Max, and Kenny would treat me like glass. Fragile. Delicate. Frail. Weak. They'd watch what they'd say around me, ask me retarded questions if I turn a different corner then they do as we walk down the streets or daze into a dream world in the middle of a conversation. I'd hate that. It'd be worse than death: being treated differently because of what I did. They'd probably think that it was awkward to be around me.

“Let's go to a pool!” Wait…what if Kai decides to drown himself!

“Let's go see a movie!” What if Kai decides to sneak a knife in and while he's covered by darkness pierce his heart while we can't see what's going on!

“Let's play tennis!” No! What if Kai decides to try and choke himself with the tennis ball or bang his head with the tennis racket!

They're so predictable; I know what they would say even before it slips out of their big mouth.

I sit on the rail and stare out at the horizon before me. Below, I see hundreds of people walking by, tiny like ants, taking everything for granted, thinking they have the worst luck in the world because they got stuck with the most homework, or their parents won't buy them a cell phone for their sixth birthday, or their sister got her nose pierced and they can't. It pisses me off when I see that: the shining ignorance in their dull eyes.

Maybe I should jump. One less mouth to feed. One less guy to worry about. One less indifferent person in the world. One less person to love. Slowly, I begin to think that jumping off was a good idea. I could think up a million reasons why I should jump. But I can't think of any reason why I shouldn't.

“Kai…?”

The door to the rooftop opens; I don't bother looking around; by the voice, I could easily tell who it is.

She joined the Bladebreakers a couple of weeks ago because of her performance.

I never liked her at first. She was always late for practice, she always daydreamed when I was giving orders, and she always had a smile on her face…no matter what, that smile still shines, even today. I wondered why she smiled so much; she smiled when she told us her life was a piece of crap like she didn't care, like she wasn't embarrassed… Maybe I was jealous of her ability, her ability to smile even when all looks lost, even when she's alone.

“Kai, Kai what are you doing up here by yourself? It's dangerous sitting on the rails like that; you could fall over.”

I could never ignore that angel voice of hers; it would always echo in my head; it made the memories re-emerge, the painful memories that were supposedly buried in my heart

Like I care…And I truly didn't care if I fell over or not. She probably knew what I was thinking, even if I didn't say it aloud. She could always read people like an open book. She can read anyone like that, even strangers.

“You don't care…do you, Kai…” she says, walking towards the rails. She leans against it and stares at me with her bright gray eyes, which was getting pretty annoying…

She switches her gaze to the setting sun. “Pretty, don't you think…?”

I scowl; “pretty” isn't the word I'd use to describe it…

She glances at me; out of the corner of my eye I look into her eyes, but I couldn't see what she was thinking; I couldn't see into her past; I couldn't do what she can do to me.

Just by looking into my eyes, she could read my every thought, she could see into my past and know that I had a rough time; she could understand me as if I was her best friend. Truthfully, it scared me that she could do this. She knew my suicidal thoughts when know one else does, not even Tala, my best friend. Of course, Dranzer had her suspicions…

“Have you seen the world?” she whispers her eyes still glued to the falling star.

I frown, What kind of question was that? I don't understand her motives for that question. Out of the blue she asks me if I've seen the world. Does it look like I care if I have or haven't!

She giggles without warning and it makes me think that she was nuts. What kind of person would giggle so suddenly like that? Nothing funny happened. Tyson didn't fall off a cliff so why should she be laughing? “No, it doesn't look like you really care.”

There she goes again, reading my thoughts. It gets irritating since she's been doing that for a long freakin two weeks…

“But,” she stops laughing and continues, “There are really beautiful sights left in this chaotic world. You shouldn't die because your life is miserable. You have friends, Kai. There's still beauty on this planet, whether you think so or not. A shooting star, a lover's kiss, there's so much you haven't seen, and there's so little that you have.”

“Don't give me that crap.”

She turns around and stares at me, her grin never leaving her face. She wasn't even puzzled. How can she continuously smile like that? Is it glued to her face or something?

“I've had enough of that b.s. All of that crap about friends and love and beauty, it doesn't concern me in the least bit.” I glare; I got off the rails and walked towards the door with my hands in my pocket. “If that's all you've got to say to me, then you've just wasted five minutes of my life.”

“If I didn't say what I said, would you have jumped even though I stand here?” She turns around and watches me silently walk down the stairs and slam the door behind me.

Would I?

Dusk settled in hours ago; funny how time passes by so quickly when you're debating on whether to die or not.

Barely anyone on the streets except me. It's normal to see that though; who would be taking a walk in the middle of the night?

Her last words echoes through my head over and over again like a broken record. Because of that question, I find myself wondering. Why didn't jump over? Why didn't I commit suicide? Why didn't I choose death? Was it because of her? Was it because of her presence that affected the outcome of my decision? Or was it because of the reasons she gave me? I have so many questions, but I lack so many answers.

I suddenly stop; looking up I saw that I had halted in front of a church.

I was never religious, so why did I end here?

I began to think that I should go back to Tyson's dojo. I didn't belong in a church.

I don't belong anywhere…

But either way, I walk in.

The door closes with a loud THUMP, but no one comes to kick me out.

Strange that it was still open; it was probably around twelve by now.

I don't bother looking around; I don't really care. Taking a random seat, I sit down, my arms on my knees and my hands supporting my head as I lean over, drowning in my thoughts.

Before I knew it, I dozed off. As I slept, my memories seeped into my dreams, transforming them into nightmares.

It seemed so real, like I went back in time only to go through these horrible events once more.

I felt the blood on my hands.

I smelled the fear in the air.

I heard the screams rebounding off the walls in the hallway.

I tasted the tears.

My body ached.

My head throbbed.

And my hope shattered once more.

The memories buried themselves yet again, but the pain didn't recede.

My dreams took me back to yesterday, when I was on the rooftop of the seventeen story building. I saw the entire scene and the entire time, her words continuously echoed in my head.

What's my answer? Would I?

“If I didn't say what I said, would you have jumped even though I stand here?”