Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction / Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction / Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ A Fistful Of Omake ❯ Elle 1/2 ( Chapter 45 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Elle 1/2, an omake based on an idea at http://addventure.bast-enterprises.de

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The Ranma at Mimir's Well grumbled and whined.

"Could be worse," offered Bacchus. "Offer you some wine?"

"Akane's the only one for me," griped Ranma.

"Even after she killed your kid, blamed you, and ran off with Ryouga, before she was committed to a sanitarium, you remain faithful to her," Bacchus summed up with a smile. "Constancy. Honor. Faithfulness. Man, you're a weenie."

Ranma blinked. "Huh?"

"You want an interesting match, check out this timeline," Bacchus made a gesture.

------------

"Oh come on, the 'catfist'?" The stranger looked over Genma and the pit and rolled his eyes. "Are you an idiot or just a moron?"

"I'm an idiot!" Genma said angrily, then stopped. Wait a minute.

The stranger looked over the boy and seemed to see something that made him smile. "You want to train him in unbeatable martial arts, give me a year with him."

"One week," countered Genma.

"Nine months."

"One month."

"Six months."

"Deal, now about payment," began Genma.

"I'll give you this," said the stranger, holding up a wad as thick as a panda's paws of yen notes, "if you throw in an engagement for him to marry my daughter."

Genma blinked. With *that* he'd be rich! Besides, it wasn't anything he hadn't done before! "Done! My son is only five years old, however."

"Not a problem, just sign here." The man held out a pen and contract. After a brief hesitation and many looks at the cash, Genma signed. It wasn't like he planned on keeping the agreement.

Genma paused after signing. "This your name? It doesn't look Japanese."

"It's not," agreed the man. "The name's Corellon Larethian. I'll be in touch."

--------

"Who's the kid?" One of the other elven gods asked.

"You know how I've been after one of my daughters to drop the 'maiden' from her name? How she's rejected everyone from the elven pantheon - including Hanali and you know how hard she can be to turn down."

"Eilistraee? Yeah, she's in that war against your ex-wife."

"I've just engaged her to this boy," indicated Corellon.

Elves do not spit take. It isn't elegant or dignified. Neither do elven gods. Therefore this was an optical illusion of some sort. "WHAT?!"

"He's got a year here, before he's re-inserted into his original timeline six months after his departure," said the smirking Father Of All Elves. "He'll learn bow and sword and woodcraft from the best. When he returns, his father will seek to make him a master of unarmed fighting."

"Does *she* know yet?"

"She'll find out any -"

"FATHER?!!"

Corellon smirked.

--------

many years later

Ranma sighed as he got ready to enter the house. This just absolutely stunk. Here he'd rescued Nabiki from a fall, now Akane was mad and switched the engagement to Nabiki and everyone was saying it was his fault and now he'd just gotten belted outside. "Stupid tomboy."

"Remember."

Ranma blinked and a woman seemed to solidify out of the shadows. "Who?"

The woman put the hood down on her cloak, revealing black skin, white hair, and eyes that seemed yellow. "Be at peace, Ranma. Do you remember the woods of mist and shadow, where you learned of sword and bow?"

Ranma looked at her then at the pointed ears and got a bit more excited. "Yeah, yeah! That was uhm that was."

"Where you and I were engaged?" The woman said softly but the voice carried.

"Engaged?!" Akane accidently snapped her chopsticks.

"Excuse me, but *what* are you?" Nabiki asked as this girl didn't look like your typical downtown Tokyo-ite.

"My name is Eilistraee, the Dark Maiden. Patron of good drow. Goddess of the dance, swordsmanship, and... are you challenging me?"

Akane realized she was stalking towards them but then realized she had signed over Ranma to Nabiki. "See if I care! It's *your* problem, Nabiki."

"Hey, uh, wait a minute, that is," Ranma began trying to find a way to rescue this situation. "It ain't my fault."

"You're not *that* much a prize, Ranma Saotome. This was my father's deal with *your* father."

"GENMAAA!" Soun raged.

"You have twelve fiancees - most arranged for you by Genma," said the drow, "you should consider your choices carefully."

"Twelve?!" Ranma yelped.

"Twelve?" Soun began to get angry.

"Twelve?" Nabiki repeated as she considered methods of profiting off of this. Wait. Replay. "You're a 'goddess'?!"

"Hah!" Akane said.

*crickle* *crackle* *BOOM!*

"Akane! Your skin! Your hair! Your ears!"

Akane blinked. "What about me?! Look at you Nabiki!"

"Oh my oh my oh dear!"

"I do not care for people calling me a liar," said Eilistraee. "Just a helpful lesson. When you are dealing with a god or a goddess, even if you disagree with them, be polite."

Nabiki was looking at herself in the mirror. "What-"

Ranma was reduced to boggling.

"You're all elves. I *could* have made you all drow but I understand that drow get a poor reception in some areas. Therefore, one wood elf, one sea elf, and one winged elf. Nice set don't you think?"

Kasumi experimentally flapped her wings, went out to the porch, and started flying around the yard.

"K-k-kasumi!" Soun stared about briefly then focussed on the stranger. "How dare you?"

"Because I am a goddess of the drow. Don't worry. It's temporary." Eilistraee turned to Ranma. "We're going out on a date tomorrow. Be ready at eight."

"Wait a minute," said the sea elf, "he's my fiancee."

"By a verbal agreement, whereas my father has a written contract that includes a clause to negate previous arrangements." Eilistraee pondered the two elves. "Now, don't you think this is better than starting some pointless martial arts battle?"

Akane stood up, a green flush showing on her cheeks. "Go ahead Ranma, see if I care!"

Eilistraee just cocked an eyebrow.

"You want to go out with some kuronin tramp! Have urk!"

"The 'blackskin' I'll admit to, Akane Tendo. 'Tramp' I do not." Eilistraee's eyes narrowed as she took a step back, having just gotten in Akane's face. "As I understand it, in this land it is customary to challenge those who besmirch your name in battle. Therefore I challenge you."

"Fine, we'll settle this now," said Akane, ignoring the little voice saying this wasn't Ranma's fault and the other little voice that was saying this *really* wasn't a good idea. "'Goddess' my foot. You're another Amazon bimbo, I'll bet!"

Eilistraee drew her sword. "Fine. Shall we dance? If I win, you shall retract your words."

"Hah! When I win, you'll pack up and leave," said Akane confidently. This girl wasn't even in a Kendo or fencing stance. This would be easy.

"B-b-but?!" Soun began looking at the two ready to fight, and up at where Kasumi was cleaning the eaves of the house while hovering.

[I'm just a cute little panda.]

"Akane, you *might* want to reconsider this." Nabiki wasn't sure the girl was a kami. If she *was* then this could be short and extremely one sided.

"Yaahhhhhhh!" Akane's answer was to rush forward, ready to smash this smirking girl.

Ranma was ready to try leaping in between the two and stopping this.

Eilistraee quickly saluted her opponent with the sword, then thrust. Quickly and precisely.

Everyone stared.

Akane saw the blade go into her chest, felt the cold length of it, felt the hole in the back of her gi as it penetrated that as well. She stumbled to a halt, knowing she was dead.

Eilistraee withdrew the blade. "Well, Miss Tendo?"

Akane's hands went to the neat slice in the front of her gi, then checked the back. Confirming the holes, she turned her attention to the unbroken flesh. "What?"

"Would you have rather I killed you? A far simpler thing. Will you now retract your words?" Eilistraee waited a moment for an answer.

"What exactly did you do?" Nabiki asked.

"I have taken her life," answered the drow. "Unless I receive an apology immediately or a suitable substitute, she will become my handmaiden in this world. You don't seem to have elves of any sort and that's really not good. Besides, part of the deal that Genma Saotome signed was for the establishment of a race of good aligned drow on this world."

"Good?" Akane lifted a tearful face up. "You call *this* good?"

"My dear, you could have apologized. My chief opponent would have eaten your liver after killing the rest of your family in front of your eyes." Eilistraee let out a deep breath. "I do wish I could find a better handmaiden."

"I'll do it." Nabiki admittedly had an ulterior motive, but one major one was that Akane was thinking with her pride - and would likely never apologize.

Eilistraee considered briefly. "A bit more mercenary than I'd prefer, but done."

------------

There had been attempts to get Ranma to take Akane out on a date and not be at the dojo when the drow came.

There had been attempts to purify the currently drow elf Nabiki at a shinto shrine.

There had been attempts to browbeat or marry off Ranma prior to the date.

There had been arrows appearing in the household. Cutting through newspapers, taking off the hat of a priest, pinning the crotch of Mister Saotome's gi to the wall of the dojo, and otherwise not actually hurting anyone but reminding them that people who live with paper walls shouldn't annoy marksmen.

Nabiki found a book on her desk detailing the faith, rituals, holy observances, and spells. A note pointed out that if she *had* to think of it in monetary terms - priests could often make a fair living.

The school had been rather put off by Nabiki the dark elf. Kuno had proclaimed that her inner darkness had been revealed. Kuno had seven arrows pulled out of his buttocks over the course of the day.

Akane and Kasumi had woke up returned to human. Akane was ecstatic. Kasumi considerably less so.

And at eight o clock, Ranma found that his ropes had been cut through and a dark maiden quietly took his hand. "Saotome, I had expected more from you."

"But I..." Ranma slumped. Didn't anyone care what he had to say?

"Ranma, you need to make your own decisions." The elf said to him as they walked. "You can choose myself, or Ukyo, or Shampoo, or Kodachi, or Bast, or Ami, or Hotaru or... Something wrong?"

"Who?" Ranma twitched, suddenly remembering the mention of other fiancees.

Eilistraee snapped her fingers. Nabiki appeared.

"Nabiki make a note. Ranma Saotome has twelve seperate engagements. Those arranged by Genma are: myself, the Tendo-Saotome merger, the Daikokuji arrangement, Ukyo Kuonji, Hotaru Tomoe, Ami Mizuno, and the Egyptian goddess Bast. Until he actively denies it publicly, Kodachi Kuno's engagement must be considered valid. Arranged by his grandfather and the clan head of family Mano is an engagement to a Yohko Mano. Arranged by his mother and *her* mother was an engagement to the Kino family." Eilistraee considered the stars briefly. "The remaining two only come into play if Ranma is stuck as a girl."

"Pops arranged for me to marry a guy," said Ranma softly. "He needs his head examined."

"He needs to be taught a lesson, what a pity that you'll never bring yourself to actually teach him that lesson," Eilistraee put in.

"What are these from, anyway?" Nabiki looked up. "I'll put these down in a table for reference later."

"Myself was 11 years ago with an undisclosed amount of yen and learning bow and sword techniques that would make him unbeatable in either category. His healing factor also comes from that. The Tendo arrangement resulted 19 years ago from an agreement made during their training under Happosai. Kuonji was a dowry - an okonomiyaki yattai also 11 years ago. Daikokuji - a bowl of rice and three pickles 15 years ago. Tomoe was an agreement he made in High School with a friend. Mizuno was payment for medical bills accrued when dumping his child into a pit of cats. Bast was payment for the Shadowcat, a demonic spirit that manifests the true Cat Fist, not getting involved. Mano was a claim made in similar circumstance to the Tendo arrangement, 52 years ago. The Kino arrangement - 21 years ago while Ranma's mother was graduating High School." Eilistraee considered the fair briefly. "Nabiki, return to your home."

Nabiki vanished, wondering why she was so quickly dismissed.

"Ranma, try not to get too involved," advised the goddess.

"Huh?" Ranma wondered what was going on.

"Hello," said a slinky goddess. "You wouldn't believe the formalities in Heliopolis. It's not like this the first time I've taken a mortal lover for a few decades."

"Hah?!" Ranma wondered why he wasn't freaking out at the catgirl.

"I'm the goddess of cats and sensual pleasure," said Bast. "I don't want you to be scared of cats. Therefore - you're not."

"Oh," said Ranma, accepting that.

"STOP RIGHT THERE!"

"I was wondering when the floor show would start," murmurred the drow goddess.

"Usagi, let's go, NOW," said Luna on seeing the two girls below.

"Minako-chan, let's tiptoe away quietly while apologizing a lot," suggested Artemis.

Sailor Neptune began puzzling over the appearance of one and stopped as their eyes met across the distance. Suddenly she KNEW. She'd seen representations at enough museums after all. "Maybe we ought to listen to your advisors."

This coming from Neptune drew more response than the sudden turnabout from the mooncats.

"What kinda silly damn costumes are those? Skating outfits?" Ranma was puzzled by this scene to say the least.

"BURNING MANDALA!" Mars wasn't sure what was going on but a quick Burning Mandala ought to-

-fizzle about halfway there.

"Was that a chi attack?" Ranma was suddenly fascinated. He had to learn that. Next time Ryouga came around, boy would *he* get a surprise.

"JUPITER THUNDER-" "WORLD-"

Bast opened a little metal cylinder, pointing it at the Senshi.

Eilistraee groaned. "Let me guess. A 'neko can'?"

Bast smirked.

"EEEEEEKKK!"

"I told you this wasn't a good idea," a black furred catgirl said as she covered herself.

"I knew this wouldn't be good," a white furred catboy said as he covered himself.

"We're... catgirls?!" Sailor Moon summed up. Then, of course, she fainted.

Eilistraee cleared her throat. "Ami Mizuno, Hotaru Tomoe, Makoto Kino. I'd like you to meet your mutual fiance, Ranma Saotome. Now that we've got the preliminary genre misunderstanding fight out of the way, can we sit and discuss this reasonably?"

----------

Akane twitched. "*MORE* fiancees?"

"Worse, apparently the Cat Fist normally involves 'demonic possession' as well as insanity." Nabiki smirked. "There are times I am *so* glad I didn't become a martial artist."

Akane looked at her blackskinned/white haired sister and for once didn't say anything.

Soun considered.

Ranma wasn't around.

Genma began to feel nervous for no apparent reason.

"Saotome, when you meant to honor the Tendo-Saotome arrangement, did you perhaps have plans to go home and father a lot more children?" Soun asked very calmly and carefully, as if something nasty might happen if he did not.

"No, Tendo, I was pretty busy teaching Ranma the Art." Genma grabbed another beer. It was unusually warm tonight.

"I see."

"Well, I can't marry Ranma, I have too much to lose if I oppose a goddess. You can have him back, Akane."

Akane glared at Nabiki. "WHY WOULD I WANT HIM?!"

"Don't bellow, Akane. Elves have sensitive ears."

"Oh really, Nabiki?" Kasumi pleasantly sipped at her tea. "What else is different? There were a few things I noticed from my brief freedo... time as a winged elf, but I'd like to hear more."

"I've been reading the book. Did you know a drow elf life expectancy is at least 300 years? Winged elves live 150 on average but there are some types that live closer to 800 years," said Nabiki with a smirk. "Most of that time you look young, it's only until your last half-century that age catches up with your appearance. Elves are also naturally graceful and skilled in magic. Kind of like those ones in the Tolkein books."

Akane began tuning the whole thing out. That baka had extra fiancees. Baka. Stupid Ranma making her worry.

----------

"So when are you going to..." Elegant catgirl Neptune flicked her tail to indicate what she wanted fixed.

"Try dropping your Senshi transformation, Kaioh-san," indicated Eilistraee.

Catgirl Neptune became Michiru Kaioh. She looked relieved.

"I've decided," said Bast. "You need new members."

"Eh?!"

Reaction to this ranged from Usagi's "we-get-new-friends" enthusiasm to Haruka's "how can we trust anyone who turned us into purring catgirls" scowl.

Bast concentrated and a pen formed in her hand. "Hmmm. Too easily lost." The pen turned into a brooch. "Too obvious." The brooch turned into an Egyptian style bracelet. "Better."

"Uhm," Hotaru considered pointing out that she was an excellent choice for Sailor Catgirl since the idea of being "the Sailor of Cute And Cuddly" had uses that "the Sailor of Silence And Death" just couldn't quite manage. Being able to switch from one to the other at need sounded like it would be an improvement.

"I'll have to find someone to be my champion," considered Bast. "Someone who'd like a powerup. Someone who'd be a good choice for a hero. Someone who doesn't mind getting into fights."

Ranma gulped as he realized everyone was looking at him. "Uh uh. I ain't wearing no sailor suit."

"As a side effect, while you're wearing the bracelet, you won't change due to your Jusenkyo curse."

(SNATCH!)

Eilistraee frowned. "Hardly fair, Bast."

"Never gunna be a girl again," sang Ranma, clicking the bracer into place and changing. "Hey what?!"

"A tigerman?!" Makoto realized she was drooling and stopped herself with effort. "So, uhm, do you mind if I call you sempai?"

"While you wear the bracer, you can switch at will to a rather buff and virile humanoid tiger form," explained Bast. "Granting you some supernatural strength and access to your Catfist abilities. Of course, if you're in girl form and you put on the bracer, you'll transform into a tigress."

Ranma shrugged. Like he was gonna take the bracer off.

"Then I suppose I'll have to choose a champion," Eilistraee began. "Ah. Just the person."

----------

"SHAMPOO KILL! MEOW MEOW meow... meow?!" The kitten abruptly realized that she was way over her head.

"So, what do you think, Cologne-san?" Bast smiled at her first choice for Priestess.

Cologne smiled back. It paid to be polite to goddesses. "What of Shampoo's claim on Ranma?"

Bast made a dismissing gesture. "Don't forget who you're talking to. If Shampoo wants to be cut in, she's in. Just lose the attitude."

"meow?" Shampoo tried to figure out what they were talking about. They knew she'd figured it out when her ears went flat and the fur along her spine fluffed. "MEOW!!!"

Cologne weighed the problems, the benefits, and the potential hazards. "Does your involvement and the other involvements mean..."

"Probably Lolth won't bother to do more than send a champion, same with Set," Bast explained. "Yes, they *will* be coming. Plan on allying with them instead?"

Cologne considered the chances of getting a fair shake from a God Of Evil. "Well, you said something about increasing the number of catgirls and drow? I've got a deal for you."

---------

several months later:

Nabiki answered the phone. "Tendo Residence and Church Of The Dark Maiden. Oh, hi Ami. Uh-huh. Storming a dark palace full of nasties eh? Okay. I'll contact Tigermask and Sailor Housewife. Uh-huh. Uk, uhm, Catgirl's gonna be there too? What about Sham- I mean Sailor Drow? Good good. Yes, I'll pray for you."

Akane grumbled from her seat.

"Kasumi? Ranma?" Nabiki paused at the stairs. "The Sailor Senshi are requesting backup. Are you two available?"

"Oh my!"

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that's all folks, it's just an omake.