Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction ❯ Born to Make You Happy ❯ Chapter 1

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Okay, here's my first CardCaptor Sakura/CardCaptors fic. I wasn't in a very happy mood when I wrote it, dunno why, but I guess you could call it an "angsty" mood. This is the very first time I've ever written something without any humor or happiness in it, and it probably sucks, but I'm posting it anyway. I think this is classified as angst, so be warned. Also be warned that there is ***DEATH***, the very first time I've ever let anyone but a bad guy get killed. Also, I don't know much about Chinese traditions when it comes to betrothals and such, so bear with me on that part. I also had to use Wei in this, since he's Li and Meilin's "guardian" while they're in Tokyo or wherever Sakura lives, but I don't know much about him so forgive me if he's OOC when I use him. Also, this takes place as if Meilin came back to Tokyo a short while after she left(I just found out today that she left). Please R&R, I'd really like to know how my first angst story came out! *grinz*

Angel~
Disclaimer: Don't own CardCaptor Sakura or CardCaptors, nor do I own the incredible song "Born to Make You Happy", which belongs to Britney Spears. I changed the words a little so they would fit the story better, but it's not mine. If you want the real lyrics, just e-mail me at wingscythe12@hotmail.com

Born to Make You Happy
By Angel of Death

~~~MEILIN'S(13-years-old) POV~~~

I couldn't take it anymore. I don't know why, I've put up with so much more, but I just couldn't. The way they were looking at each other was killing me. So I ran. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. "Running again, just like you always do." Well, you're right. I do run every time, sometimes physically(by pulling his attention away from her or dragging him away somewhere) and sometimes psychologically(by telling myself that there's no way he could ever love anyone but me). But if you were in my shoes, maybe you'd see it the way I do. Let me put it this way: Can you honestly say that you could stand by and watch as the person you love, the person who's betrothed to you, makes goo-goo eyes at the person you consider your arch-rival? Then, of all things, she actually returns the look. Tell me honestly that you could stand by and watch that without breaking down, and I will, as they say, "eat my hat". And now, I sit here, all alone, and wonder what I did to deserve this. An ordinary girl shouldn't be sitting up in her room pining over some guy. Well, maybe she should. But I'm not an ordinary girl. I'm Meilin, partner of Li Syaoran, and arch-rival of that annoyingly-happy and unbearably understanding Sakura Kinomoto. Maybe Sakura and I could've been friends if the first time I'd seen her hadn't been her nearly flirting with my Li. I suppose they were destined to be together right from the start, and Li would obviously be happy if they were. But then, why am I so miserable? If I truly loved Li, I'd be happy, wouldn't I? Happy that he'd found someone special, even if it wasn't me? I can see my sigh cloud up the window in my room, the warmth contrasting with the cold winter outside. I've always hated winter. It was never cold back in Hong-Kong, where Li and I used to live. We were together back then, before I had even experienced winter. Back when I really believed that we were in love, and had a strong love. Before Li met Sakura. Another of my sighs clouds up the window, and when I look down at my hand I can see my favorite picture. It's of me and Li. Yes, we were together once, and it was so lovely . . . oh, darnit, why can't I ever let myself lie to my heart? Yeah, that's right, the picture's not genuine, and it kills me every time I think about it. It makes it even worse because Li is actually grinning. Why would Li grinning be bad, you ask? Well, the reason is because he's with Sakura, not me. Uh huh, you heard right. I used Li's mom's computer back in Hong-Kong, a little while after I left that time, to take Sakura out and put myself in. I like to pretend that it was really me. It's the only consolation I have . . .

*****

"I'm sittin' here alone, up in my room
And thinkin' 'bout the times that we've been through
I'm lookin' at a picture in my hand
Tryin' my best to understand


I really wanna know what I did wrong
With a love that felt so strong . . ."

*****

*knock knock* Oh, that must be Wei. He always gets worried when I stay up here for hours, and he always has a tray of food with him. I'm not really hungry right now, and I wish he'd leave. Although I'm usually good at covering up my sadness, it won't be so easy now, 'cause I've taken such a big blow. Frankly, I don't know if I'll be able to recover . . .

"*knock knock* Meilin? Are you in there? What's wrong?" Oops, mind wandered again. Oh well, might as well let him in.

"Come in. *click* *footsteps* *rustle* Nothing's wrong, I'm just tired, that's all. We went ice skating down at the Pond today, and I'm all worn out. That's all." Meilin, that was pathetic. You think he's seriously gonna buy that? If I wasn't so distracted, I could've come up with a much better story. But I guess that'll have to do, seeing as I've already told it.

"Really? That must've been fun. Did you have a good time?" That tray looks delicious, even sitting on my bed in gray winter light. Come on, Meilin, give him one of your smiles.

"It was great, thank you. Mmm, this looks delicious!" He's smiling and he looks relieved, success! Sometimes, grown-ups can be so incomprehensive. They can't even tell when their child's heart's been shattered.

"Eat it up, before it gets cold. Oh, by the way, have you seen Li?" Thanks alot for bringing that up for me. No! No, don't face the wall! He'll know for sure that something's wrong if you do that! Aww, darnit, already done. Well, maybe it's for the best, seeing as I'm crying my eyes out.

"No, I haven't. All I know is that he was with Sakura." Whoa, that came out just a little too sharp. Uh oh, I can see recognition dawning on him, that head-turn really gave me away. Why, oh why, can't I be a good actress when I really need to be? Uh oh, he's sitting down on the bed and he's patting my shoulder. That's definitely not good. Normally, this would mean that he had something big to tell me, but what could he have to tell me now?

"Meilin, I've been meaning to talk to you about that." Is he referring to Li and Sakura? Better play dumb.

"Talk to me about what?" Hmm, that was a little too innocent, he'll see right through it. Yup, he saw.

"You know exactly 'what', Meilin. We've all gotten together and have discussed your betrothal to Li, and we've decided that . . ." Why is she faltering? What is so important? What could possibly be so important about the betrothal? I'm betrothed to him and that's that. Isn't it?

"What's going on." Uh oh, he's not meeting my eyes, that's not a good sign.

"Well, Meilin, you see . . . Well, we've been watching you and Li, and we've been watching Li and Sakura. And from what we've seen of the way you all feel, we've decided to call the betrothal off. Forgive me if I seem cold, but Li doesn't appear to love you that way in the slightest, and he blatantly appears to love Sakura. That might not have been enough to call it off, but she appears to love him back, deeply. After all that they've done for the world, what with the Clow Cards and all, we think that it's only fair that we let them be together. You do understand, don't you?" What? Oh no . . . This-this isn't possible! I know he doesn't love me, but I always thought I'd at least have a chance if he were betrothed to me! And now, now he's free . . .

*****

"If only you were here tonight
I know that we could make it right . . ."

*****

I-I know he loves someone else, but if I don't have him, I have no reason to live. He was the reason I was born, because I was the one who could make him happy . . .

*****

"(I don't know how to live without your love)
I was born to make you happy
('Cause you're the only one within my heart)
I was born to make you happy


Always and forever you and me
That's the way our lives should be
(I don't know how to live without your love)
I was born to make you happy . . ."

*****

~~~ONE MONTH LATER~~~

January has to be the worst month out of the whole darn year. After Christmas, before Valentine's, when the world is just a bleak expanse of grey all around you. No life, no sun, and it's even worse when you don't have anyone to love. Well, at least I'll be home in a minute. Wha-what!? *crash* My schoolbooks can wait, even if they are getting soaked on the ground, this can't! What's going on!? Why would Sakura be on my porch with Li!? They appear to be talking, but about what? Maybe I can get closer . . .

"So you'll go with me Friday?"

"Sure, it's a date. But, hey, why don't you come skating with me tomorrow, at the ice skating rink? *giggle* Maybe we could improve your skating skills. I swear, you haven't improved a bitsince the time we captured the Snow Card."

"Sakura, I'm the one who's supposed to be teasing you, not the other way around!"

"Who says?"

"Me." Since when did their banter become so friendly!? I know they've always liked each other, but they hadn't made any moves, I figured that maybe I still stood a chance . . .

"So, I'll see you tomorrow, to go skating?"

"Sure, Sakura. I'll come over about 11, we can eat after we've skated a bit, then we can skate some more. If I'm not all frozen up from the first hour, that is."
"*swat* Li!"

"*chuckle* Relax, I'm just teasin' you. Goodnight, Sakura." Wait, what's she doing? Huh!? She's kissing him! Hmph, there's no way that he'll-wait, what's he doing!? He-he's kissing her back . . .

*****

"I know I've been a fool since you've been gone
I'd better give it up and carry on (oh my love)
'Cause livin' in a dream of you and me
Is not the way my life should be


I don't wanna cry a tear for you
So forgive me if I do . . ."
*****

Oh my God, this isn't happening! This. Isn't. Happening. Pure and simple. This is all a reallybad dream and I'm going to wake up in a moment to the ring of my alarm clock. *deep breath* Yeah, that's it. I'll just close my eyes and-

"So I'll, um, see you, uh, tomorrow, right?" I guess it's not a dream.

"Sakura." She looks embarrassed. Funny, so does he.

"Yeah?" No, this time he's kissing her! And he looks happy! I-I can't-I can't take this. I have to go, somewhere, anywhere! Anywhere but here. Li, why couldn't you have waited for me? I could've made you so happy, I know I could've! I still could, please give me a chance! Just one, please . . .

*****
"If only you were here tonight
I know that we could make it right . . ."

*****

He's gone, he's really gone . . . It-It's Sakura's fault! If Li had never met that-that-that girl, he'd still be with me! Just the two of us! I hate you, Sakura. I hate you
*****

"(I don't know how to live without your love)
I was born to make you happy
('Cause you're the only one within my heart)
I was born to make you happy


Always and forever you and me
That's the way our lives should be
(I don't know how to live without your love)
I was born to make you happy . . ."

*****

It's funny, I've never felt so cold in my life, but it's like I can't even feel it. I mean, I can tell that my body is freezing, but it's like I can't feel it. Hmm, maybe this is what a broken heart feels like. But it's strange, I'm not even crying. Everyone I've ever known with a broken heart was always sobbing their eyes out. Maybe they didn't really have a broken heart. Maybe they were just greatly saddened. Maybe a broken heart means that you lose your soul, your ability to feel. All I know is I have to be the saddest person in the world, and I'm not even crying. Li, what can I do to prove that I can make you happier than Sakura ever could? I'll do anything . . .

*****

"I'd do anything, I'd give you my world
I'd wait forever to be your girl


Just call out my name and I will be there
Just to show you how much I care . . .


I was born to make you happy . . ."

*****

How did I end up here? Wait, isn't this the peak-thing Li said Sakura's brother fell off of that time 'cause of the Mirror Card? Man, he survived a drop like that!? He must've been in good shape. The view is sure heart-breaking. All you can see is treetops and miserable grey sky. I-I guess I can't really blame Sakura for taking Li away. She just might love him, she certainly seems to. If she does, well, I guess I couldn't expect her to just back away from her feelings. I know I wouldn't. But Li, he was betrothed to me. It's insulting our ancestors to fall in love with someone other than the one you're betrothed to. Then again, ??? did say that sometimes, betrothals just don't work out, and exceptions can be made then. Who am I kidding, I'm just torn because the person that I've loved whole-heartedly for my whole life doesn't love me back. I know I'm being a poor sport about the whole thing, but I just can't live if he isn't mine, much less Sakura's. This is killing me, I'd rather die than watch them live a happy life without me. Hmm, that wind feels really good. I wonder what would happen if I . . .
*****

"(I don't know how to live without your love)
I was born to make you happy
('Cause you're the only one within my heart)
I was born to make you happy


Always and forever you and me
That's the way our lives should be
(I don't know how to live without your love)
I was born to make you happy . . ."

*****

Ooh, it hurts. Why does it hurt all over? Oh, that's right, I jumped off the cliff. Ironically, that's exactly what Sakura told me to do just yesterday. Oh, who are they? Red and white uniforms, and I can hear sirens, that's means they're those guys that come with the ambulance. But who are they taking care of? Oh, that guy's chart has my name on it, so I guess they're here for me. Why are they trying so hard to save me? I wanted to die, can't they see that? Oh, look, there's ???. She sees I'm awake, that's bad. I really don't want to hear her right now.

"Meilin, I'm right here." I don't need comforting right now. Hey, where's Li? Shouldn't he be here, with ????
"Li isn't here, Meilin. He's with Sakura at the ice skating rink. We couldn't get a hold of him because the power's down over there, and a blizzard's starting up. It's dangerous outside." Li's with Sakura. How surprising. Well, I guess they really do belong together, if even my near death can't bring him to me. Very well. Li, if Sakura is who you really love, then be happy with her. Sakura, you'd better take care of Li, he's so wonderful. Oh, we're at the hospital. Huh? Why is that man whispering to Wei? Wait a second, she's crying. Why? Tell me! Oh well, at least maybe I can see it on the news. I'm glad they have little TV's in ambulances here. Wait, it's a car crash!

"This is Barry Rodgers reporting live from Highway 63. Behind me, police are clearing away the debris from a car crash that occurred just a few minutes ago. There were two occupants in the vehicle, and both were dead when the police got to them. Police Sergeant Patterson, do you know the victims' names?"

"Yes, we just contacted their respective families. It was a boy and a girl, of no more than 17. Their names were Sakura Kinomoto and Li Syaoran. It appears that the reason for the accident was speeding. We think that the reason for speeding was that they were rushing to the hospital, because we found a cell-phone belonging to the boy which had a message saying that a relative of his was in critical condition. We aren't sure as to . . ." Oh no . . . Li! Why were you speeding, on a night like this!? Wh-Why is everything getting dark and blurry? Well, it doesn't matter anyway. But Li, if you had to die, why couldn't you have died with me? Why did you have to die with Sakura?

*****

"I was born to make you happy . . ."

*****

The End . . .

Well, what did you think? Now I'm all depressed, gotta go find some really perky and funny story to lift my spirits. Again, please R&R. Thanks.

Angel~