Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction ❯ This Love of Mine ❯ This Love of Mine ( Chapter 1 )

Title: This Love of Mine

Author: Frozen Tears

Pairing: Meiling x OC, this really isn't a pairing, but there is no real romance. It's just Meiling and her changing love.

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN CCS. CLAMP DOES. Why do I bother, you guys should know this. Oh and if any ideas seem as if they came from your story, I don't think it is, so I'm not trying to copy anyone on purpose. Thanks. ( oh and, the story goes in chronological order from when their 15/16-ish to 19 even though it doesn't say)

~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~

Oh God do I love him so much. There isn't a day where I don't think about him. I just sit here and think. But why? He'll never love me back. He loves his bright-eyed princess and he's her cold prince. Who am I to them? Just the distant lady cousin from the neighboring country. I am nothing to them. But what can I do?

Why won't you leave my mind? Can't you leave me alone? Don't you know how much it already hurts without you trying to be my friend? Yes, I say that I gave you up to her, but I still love you with my all! Oh how I wish you never left home! We would still be together, and she would be with another man.

Why must she have everything? Beauty, innocence, a great family, acceptance, huge group of friends, and…Syaoran. It's not that I'm jealous, but rather, sad and … jealous.

And know I know he doesn't really care for me, for last night, I went out and came home around 1:30 in the morning. He never asked where I was… Has he even lost his care and concern for me along with the love? If I go home to China, will he miss me? Would he even ever realize that I had left? Would he? I doubt it. He never realizes when I leave the house.

I got a call from mother, if I go back to China, I'll marry a Li who has no real magic, maybe a small amount, but still, someone like me, not very important. Li Chang is his name, and he lives in Europe, England to be exact. Would Syaoran even attend the wedding? Would he even know? Care? Don't think so.

I'm 18 now. Mother has been calling me a lot lately, telling me to choose between Syaoran and Chang. There's no point in choosing Syaoran. He asked Sakura to marry him. She hasn't said yes yet saying she needs to ask her dad and brother. But we all know, she's gonna say yes.

Well I'm in China now. I bought a plane ticket without Syaoran finding out, and left before he even got home. I left him a note though. Here's a copy!

Dear Syaoran,

Thanks for the great 8 years we've had living together! It was a blast! I'm going to China to marry Li Chang at my mother's wishes. He lives in England, so I won't even be living in China. So this is a final good-bye. Thanks for everything! Hope you have a great time with Sakura! Best of luck!

Much love always,

Li Meiling

I wonder if he even found the note…It feels so good to be back in China! I can't wait to see my family, even though they haven't been the best to me, I still love `em. They are family after all. Mother, Father, and Older-Brother(1) wonder how everyone is doing. Did Older-Brother get married yet, or is he waiting for his “beloved” little sister to get married first? Haha, I make myself laugh sometimes(2).

Well everyone is doing fine, and we're doing invitations now. Mother wants to know if we should send one to Syaoran. I don't know. Would he have time? Shouldn't he be trying to win Sakura's brother over? Mother keeps telling me that it would be plain rude not to invite the future head of the clan. I told her that it is plain rude to invite the former fiancé to the wedding. She sent the invitation anyways.

Well all the preparations are done, and the wedding is just 2 days away…for some reason, I don't feel anything. No sadness, no hate at Chang for having to marry him, nothing. Have I gotten so cold?

Wedding day. Still feeling nothing. I'm not scared of life with Chang. I know how life will be living with a guy…I've lived with one as he was going through puberty.

Oh God is Chang handsome. And he didn't fall for a girl in England or vice versa? I never expected him to look so good! I knew that the Li family usually produced good-looking children, but this is AMAZING! I'm on cloud nine! I saw a glimpse of him as he walked past my door.

We decided to have a western style wedding with Chinese costumes. Everyone looks so good! Aunty Yelan looks beautiful as always, as does mother, father looks good, and none of the girls can keep their eyes off of Older-brother. Wow, he needs to get out more often… Let's see who else is here, Uncle Taro, a bunch of little cousins, Aunty Nataku, some people from his side, we may be one clan, but there are different groups. Continuing on with the list, Tomoyo, her 50 billion bodyguards, -who's gonna kill her at my wedding? Eriol, some more aunties and uncles, and in the first pew, Mother, Father, Big-Brother, Syaoran, Sakura…wait, Syaoran and Sakura!? I thought they were busy with their own engagement, or maybe they're only here for a short time, just to tell the elders that they're marrying, Ya, that's it, they re NOT here just for this wedding.

I decide to ignore them and focus on the priest standing there in front of me.

Ok, reception time, and I don't want to go to Syaoran's table. His table will be the last one to visit! I'll try to leave before then…hopefully…one of Chang's brothers gave the speech. The guy's a great speaker! It was a good speech, and dang does good looks just run in that family! I must be the luckiest girl ever! Wow, there are so many family members I've never met before! It's simply amazing. Ugh, my feet are tired. I'm not used to wearing heels for so long. Oh no, Syaoran and Sakura's table next. Better run…*Sigh*, it feels so good to be out in the hallway! It's not hot or anything, just right, or it was until Syaoran came out. He doesn't see me. He's on his cell phone, and I can hear everything. “Ya, I'm at her wedding. Chang's a nice guy from what I hear. He'll make a nice husband. He's a doctor in England. Yeah, I do regret never saying that I loved her before she left. It wasn't until she left I realized that I loved her. Ya, I know, I'm a player. Sakura said yes too. Listen, I got to go, Mother's going to wonder. See you.”

I'm in shock. Syaoran loved me? Why do I only find out once I'm not available?

~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~ ~

So I'm now married and in England with Chang. The honeymoon was great! Chang is such a great guy! The place we went to, Korea, was beautiful! With snow falling, and window-shopping, and well, EVERYTHING was good! Chang wanted to go to Korea because well, he's never been there before, so I thought, “why not?” But now here in England, life's ok, except for one thing. I have nothing to do. I didn't go to college since I married at 18…

He has a huge house, but there are maids to do everything! Luckily, Cook said that I can help her out once in awhile! Yay! But Chang has a huge library, and I guess I could enjoy reading now…luckily, I know English, so it's all good!

It's been a year now, and things are going fine! Being married to Chang is just like living with Syaoran, only, I've never slept with Syaoran before…But Chang comes home late because of work. I wish he could spend more time at home!

But for our one-year anniversary, he promised me that we'll go to China for 2 weeks. Well, he'll stay in China for 2 weeks, and I stay a month. He can't stay long because of work. Oh well.

Oh, an update on Tomoyo and the others. Tomoyo owns a fashion design company, and co-owner of her mother's toy company. I have no clue what Syaoran and Sakura are up to, I don't bother asking.

Gosh, packing for two is so hard! I used to only have to pack for myself, but now, I have to pack for two. Syaoran would pack his own bags when we were in Japan. Arg! No more thinking of life with Syaoran!

The plane ride to China was kind of long. Oh well. I'm going back home aren't I? At the airport, we had a mob out to meet us. Aunty Yelan actually came out to meet us! And Syaoran's sisters (I think they're only here to check out Chang). And there's … Syaoran and Sakura. Oh my God. Syaoran is the head of the clan. Oh I forgot to mention, because Chang and I all the way out in England, we don't maintain a good contact with the rest of the clan. But Syaoran looks so good! But his amber eyes look so sad! But anyone who didn't know him personally wouldn't see it. I only see it because I lived with him for so long. I wonder why he's sad? I mean, he has a wife who loves him.

*Sigh* It's so great to be back home! England gets so dreary sometimes. For the first 2 days in China, no one really bothered Chang and me since we had jetlag.

Ok, third day now, and I'm enjoying my old garden. All the flowers are in bloom! This garden used to give me so much peace and quiet when I was angry in my childhood. Someone is opening the door. Oh, it's only Syaoran. Ok maybe he won't say anything. I'm not in the mood to talk, I just want to enjoy my garden. He quietly sits beside me. Not bad, nice cologne. It's the one I gave him for New Years once(3)!

“MeiMei(4), are you truly happy with Chang?” he asks out of the blue. Gosh his eyes are so sad. He's looking at me as if my answer will solve all the problems in the world. As if my answer will make the sadness in his eyes go away.

But, why does he need to know this? But I'll answer anyways if it'll make the sadness in his eyes go away. “I'm fine Wolfie(5). Don't worry about me. Why are you asking me this right now?”

“I have something to confess, and I know that now is a bad time to say this, but, Meiling, when you left Japan to go to China to get married, I realized that I loved you. I didn't realize just how much until you were out of my life. After you left, I wanted your loud presence in the place. I wanted to hear you complain about cleaning the bathroom. I wanted to taste your cooking again. Even if it wasn't perfect, you were getting there. And mostly, I just wanted to know that when I came home at night, that you would be there ready to yell at me for leaving the place without telling me and worrying you, that you would then hit me, and then hug me and say that you only got that mad because you were so worried, and what would my mother say if she finds out that harm came about me under your watch. I just wanted your love again.”

Oh Dear Heavenly Father Almighty(6). I cannot believe that he just opened up to me like this. I have no clue what to say to all this. I want to tell him that I still love him like that, but, when I saw him at the airport, I realized something. I don't love him that way anymore. I had learned to give my entire heart to Chang. Chang had my entire heart, and my entire everything. Nowhere in my heart was Syaoran written anymore, at least romantically. “Syaoran, gosh, where do I start? I loved you since forever, and you know that. But then when we got to Japan, you fell in love with Sakura. You started to forget about me. You were too caught up with Sakura. So I just sucked it up, and tried to push you two together. And it worked. You guys got together. But then as the years went by, you began to spend all your time with Sakura. You only remembered me when you came home from Sakura's and I was sitting there waiting for you. You began to not notice when I was gone. I would leave late at night and come back early in the morning. You did try to become my friend for a while, but then you kind of just drifted away from that idea. It was taking up your time with Sakura. So I agreed to my mother's pleas of getting married. I married Chang, and in the past year, I had learned to love Chang with everything that I had. Chang now has my mind, body and soul. There is not a single person in this world that I love more than he. Syaoran, I'm so sorry. I knew that you had once loved me at the reception. I overheard you talking to someone on your cell phone. But I knew at that time, that there was nothing that I could do about it. So don't worry about me. Worry about Sakura. When I arrived at the airport, I saw the sadness in your eyes. Don't let Sakura ever know that you're sad. It will only make her sad, and then Touya would only come after you to kill you. And don't say that you'll use your magic against him, because that's cheating.” Wow, that was some monologue! I hope I didn't sadden him too much.

“I understand Meiling. You're right; I was too caught up with Sakura. I started to forget the love that we once had. That same innocent love. And I'm so sorry that I forgot. But are you seriously truly happy with Chang?” He looks at me with those sad eyes.

“Yes, I am.” I hear the doors open behind me. I turn and it's Chang. I smile. He looks so good in traditional clothes. He wears pants and a shirt around the house in England. “What's up Chang? Everything ok? Syaoran's sister's aren't bothering you are they?” I ask. Chang normally doesn't come out to me usually.

“I'm fine. No, they are leaving me alone actually. I was just bored. Reading Chinese is a little hard for me after so many years. So I decided to come and see the garden that you used to talk about.” He told me smiling.

I love how Chang hasn't forgotten how to speak Chinese, even if he has started to forget how to read it. Oh well. I'll teach him one of these days. Chang then noticed Syaoran. Chang bows. Syaoran nods. Ugh. Guys, won't say a word to each other.

“I'll go now. You two need to spend time together. I'd imagine that you guys don't get to see much of each other.” Syaoran says getting up. What a nice guy. But the sadness is still there. But not as strong as before. Phew. I hope I didn't break his heart as much. And he leaves.

“Meiling, did you seriously love him before you married me?” Chang asks me as he sits beside me. He mentions to me to sit in his lap. I comply. It feels so right sitting in his lap against his chest. Oh and did I mention what nice of a body he has?

“Yes, I did. But don't worry. Not anymore. I love you now more than I ever loved him. It was a young and innocent love. We didn't know any better when we were young.”

“Meiling, we've only known each other for a year. How do I know that you'll love me forever?” gosh, he already suspects that I'll forget about him.

“Chang, my love, don't worry. In this one year, I have learned to love you more than I have ever loved Syaoran. You are my one and only. No one comes before you.” I think it's time for Chang to find out a little secret I've been keeping from him. “Chang, guess what?”

He sighs, “Meiling, you know that I don't like guessing games much, but I'll take a guess. You want to go shopping?” he smiles. I could swear that I heard a bird swoon somewhere.

“No Chang, though I wouldn't mind if you take me shopping. But we're going to have a bigger family soon.”

“What? You're brother is about to get married?”

“No you silly! I'm pregnant.” I say this shyly, as I have no clue how he is going to react.

He's quiet for a couple seconds. All of a sudden, I find my [Author ID1: at Fri Mar 10 23:15:00 2006 ]self flying through the air. “Meiling, that's great!” he says while swinging me around. He puts me back on solid ground, and kisses me with so much passion that there is no way that I could think of anything other than his lips on mine, and of what a great relationship we have and how much love we have. I guess if I had married Syaoran, we wouldn't have a relationship so loving. I would always be scared of him remembering Sakura. With Chang, I know that he wouldn't be remembering another girl for he had told me that he had been a shy guy, and scared to ask out a girl he had a crush on. But then I guess he might be scared of me remembering Syaoran, but I'll try to not think of the possibilities I might have had with Syaoran. Instead, I'll think of all the possible baby names for our new addition.

Sometimes, life rewards us when we least expect it.

*******************~***********************~********************* ******~*************************

***~Author Blurbs~***

(1)~ I'm using the phrase older-brother, because in the language that I speak, there is a word that you call your older brother, or older male cousin. I know Koreans have it, and so I am assuming that the Chinese have it as well

(2)~ I'm taking the liberty to say that her family does not treat her like a princess, since she does not have any magic. Chang, even though he didn't have much magic, he still had some, and so that is why he was able to become big, and he marries Meiling because she is the only one below him in the magic chart….

(3)~ I have no clue if people give gifts on Chinese New Years.

(4)~ I like the way MeiMei sounds, so I'm using that as the nickname that Syaoran gave her when they were little.

(5)~ I do believe that Syaoran's name means wolf or little wolf, so I am making Meiling use that to her advantage to use it as a nickname for him. And is it Syaoran that means little wolf, or is it Xiao-Lang that means little wolf? I get lost sometimes.

(6)~ Meiling converted into Christianity while in England. When I was writing this part, it was the first phrase that came into my mind.

Thanks for reading this fic. Please review if you have read my other stories, and tell me if my style has changed because it feels a little different. And if this is your first time reading one of my stories, review, and tell me where I need to improve…

Luv always! FT