Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction ❯ Wakatte-ita hazu ❯ Wakatte-ita hazu ( Chapter 1 )

[ A - All Readers ]

~Standard disclaimers apply~

If this fic doesn't make any sense to you, then... come join me! *sweatdrop* I wrote this and it kinda confuses me in ways I don't understand. But it turned out ok.... I guess. *bigger sweatdrop* Ummm... can anyone teach me to play the next 4 pages of Yoru no Uta?

***

Wakatte-ita hazu

***
toorisugiru
koibito-tachi no waraigoe
mune wo shimetsukeru

The laughing voices
of lovers passing by
makes me get all choked up.
***

I look down from a tree, scanning each and every face in the crowds below. The wind lightly brushes against my face, chilling a damp streak on my cheek.

So many people in love... sharing the summer with those they hold dear... And who did I have?

Nobody...

***
ameagari no
shuumatsu no gogo na no ni
watashi hitori machi wo aruku
soba ni
itai no ni

Even though the rain has stopped
on this weekend afternoon,
I'm walking the streets all alone,
even though
I want to be with you.
***

My shoes splash audibly as they pass through puddles. The street is empty, littered only with sound raindrops dripping on the cold asphalt. I don't know where I'm going, I just let my feet guide me.

I stop walking suddenly, and look up. *Your* house. I walk towards the window and peek inside. You are lying on the couch eyes gazing at the ceiling above you. Beautiful... That's what you are...

Another tear rolls down my cheek as I remember that you will never be mine.

***
sonna koto wakatte-ita hazu
suki ni nareba natta dake
kurushimu koto

I should have known this.
If I fell in love with you that much,
I would hurt just as much.
***

I sigh sadly, wishing only to be with you.

I feel a pang of hurt as this thought slowly sinks in. I should have known this would happen.

Whoever said "It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all"? If you ask me, I would be better off if I had never fallen in love. It would have saved me the agony of having to deal with all this. All this...

Pain... Depression... Anger...

***
setsunai ne wakatte-iru no ni
omotte-iru anata dake wo
konna ni
aenai toki mo

Even though I know it's heart-wrenching,
I keep thinking only of you,
even when
I can't see you.
***

Yet you are always on my mind. Everywhere I go, I think of you... Even if you were a million miles away... I can see even when I can't. It sounds impossible, yet it's true...

My thoughts are always of you...

***
donna toki mo
issho ni ite hoshii nante
omoccha ikenai to

Even though
I know I shouldn't think about
how I wish we could always be together,
***

I know you love her, not me. But I am still hanging on to a thin thread of hope. Dangling from it; refusing to believe that there is nothing left for me in this world. I know I shouldn't wish for it because it would ruin somebody else's hapiness, yet... trying to stop myself would be even more useless than wishing. So I don't.

***
osaete-ita
watashi no kokoro no koe
tomerarezu ni ima mo afure
sou de
kurushii no

even now, the voice of my heart,
which I've tried to suppress,
seems to overflow
endlessly...
so much so that it hurts.
***

It's hard to hold back emotions. I have learned that. For even through the countless times I have tried to lock them away, my heart's echoing cries and pleas overflow from where I have kept them. They are incessant streams that burn through me to set themselves free.

That's why I suffer unbearable pain when I see a mere glimpse of your face.

***
watashi ni wa wakatte-ita hazu
aishitatte hitorijime
dekinai koto

I should have known.
I just can't keep my love for you
inside, all to myself.
***

I can't keep every feeling I have had for you bottled up inside me. I want to let go of them... even for a little while. I want to tell somebody; find somebody to help me... But there's no one left...

For me.

***
demo ima wa taisetsu na omoi
watashi dake ga mieru hontou
shinjite
aishi-tsudzukeru

But now, it's a precious thought.
I believe in the truth
only I see,
and keep on loving you.
***

There's nothing I can do to avoid the truth. I should accept. I can accept it. I *will* accept it, even if my whole life crumbles when I do. Fate can't be altered. What's coming will come.

Everything is preordained.

***
watashi ni wa wakatte-ita hazu
aishitatte hitorijime
dekinai koto

I should have known.
I just can't keep my love for you
inside, all to myself.
***

But even if i know the truth... why do I still try to stop everything? Is this what love really does? Does it really give you all the hope you want, only to shatter it in front of you very eyes? Is this just a game that "Love" likes to play?

A game...

I try to foget you, because of this...

A game...

I try harder.

***
demo ima wa taisetsu na omoi
watashi dake ga mieru hontou
shinjite
aishi-tsudzukeru

But now, it's a precious thought.
I believe in the truth
only I see,
and keep on loving you.
***

But I can't help it... I really can't. There's no way at all...

Am I resigned to this... "Fate"?

I am, aren't I? Nothing can be changed...

Nothing.

Then so be it...

Even if you never find out...

I still will love you, Syaoran Li...