Cowboy Bebop Fan Fiction ❯ Full Circle ❯ Finding Death ( Chapter 1 )

The usual disclaimers go here: I don't own Cowboy Bebop or any of the characters. I don't have the creator's permission to make this atrocity, but I do it anyway. I am making no money off of it...

A more personal disclaimer, about this and my feelings on it, can be found here: http://authorunknown.diary-x.com/journal.cgi?entry=20020603

Please don't take it as an attack on people who write fanfiction, as I've already had someone say it seems that way. It's more an attack on myself, and the fact that I just am not as happy with what I write as I may have once been. All of my non-fanfic writing can be found within the "pages" of that area as well.

I do not consider this a finished product, but have no idea whether I will ever actually feel like working on it again. So, in rough form, this is what is given. No re-reading or editing was done from the original write up, (aside from spell checking, perhaps) done in a bit of a hurry, so as not to lose anything once it came out....

"When you write a first draft, you write with your heart. When you revise it, you write with your head."- Finding Forrester

Perhaps I wrote this with both....

But enough of this...You're not here for my ramblings. You're here for the story. And the story, you shall now receive.

***

Faye leaned against the wall, trembling; partly from sorrow, partly from rage. The tears flowed freely down her face, and her mind screamed against the unfairness of it all.

Everytime someone opens their heart to me or every time I start to care about someone, they go off to commit fucking suicide. Damn him. Damn him. DAMN HIM!...

She kicked the wall hard, and stormed off.

If the Red Tail wasn't broken, I'd've gone after him, that son of a bitch.

She paced the small hallway-like area near the hangar of the Bebop restlessly. She and Jet were the sole inhabitants of the ship, and it seemed empty after all those months with four people and a dog inside of it.

Why did I even bother to come back?

Jet's voice cut into her thoughts.

"The Red Tail should be fixed by tomorrow. I don't know what the hell you ran into, but they certainly had some major firepower."

Faye shrugged, and slumped down on the couch. Yellow. To match the interior of the ship. And oddly enough, to match the outfit that she wore most of the time- Yellow zip top, and yellow shorts. She kicked off her white boots, and clicked on the television console. Flip, pause. Flip, pause. Flip, pause. She turned it off. Not even Big Shot was on the air anymore- cut because of ratings. She wasn't even sure she cared enough to be a bounty hunter anymore. Wasn't sure she cared enough to do anything.

He's not coming back. He went there to die, and there's nothing you can do about it. He always told you that life goes on. Why can't you just let it go on? At least honor him and how you feel about him by following the one decent piece of advice that fucking hypocrite ever gave you, Faye. Just because he let his past consume him, doesn't mean you have to let him consume you....

"FAYE!"

"You don't have to yell, Jet. I'm right in here."

"I called you about fifteen times. Where were you in that head of yo-oh, nevermind. I don't even want to know. I don't care. We're leaving here tomorrow afternoon. Well, I'm leaving. You can come, or you can take the Red Tail and go your own way. It's up to you."

"Hmm...You would miss me and get into trouble if I left. I should probably go. Give me some time to think about it." She tossed her purple hair over one shoulder, and tried to brush him off in her usual manner. But her words were hollow. And Jet knew it. He said nothing. What was there to say? He, too, knew that Spike had been letting his past consume him, and that his only absolution was to confront it. If he found Julia, he wouldn't be coming back. And if he found her, he'd probably find Vicious too. And death. What was there anyone could do about it?

Faye got up from the couch, and wandered down the passageway where Ed and Ein used to spend most of their sleeping hours. She turned into a room, and flopped down on the bed she'd called her own since the day the Bebop and it's crew had "answered" her distress call. When the Red Tail had run out of fuel. When she'd been really on her own for the first time. And it had been horrible. She had thought herself to be a solitary creature-she still did. But she had found out that on her own, she just couldn't cut it. She was lonely, and she'd done nothing but sit around and consume. Food. Drink. Anything to say that she was doing something. Anything to keep her away from the reality that all she was doing was dritfting....

...drifting...In and out of sleep.

Faye tossed and turned. Waking and sleeping. She kept seeing Spike die in her mind. In a hundred horrible ways-all by the hands of Vicious and the Red Dragon Syndicate. Sure, Vicious was to be executed by the Syndicate, but she knew that he wouldn't let it happen. Vicious was a man of ambition. And a man of pure evil and selfishness. Whatever didn't work for Vicious, was destroyed by Vicious. She had heard Spike talk in his sleep more than one night, when she'd walked past his room. She'd always wanted to go in and hold him. Comfort him. Something. But usually, she was just meaner to him in the morning. It was the only way she'd known how to deal with the fact that she was falling for him. Falling for someone she so desperately wanted to despise. She had heard him tell Vicious that the same went for him. She had wondered what he meant, until one night she had walked past and heard him talking to Ed. It seemed that everyone felt comfortable opening themselves to her. She was young, and acted insane half the time, so everyone usually seemed to think that she wouldn't understand anyway. She had helped Faye find the place she had needed to go back to. The "water splash" place. The place that had brought back her memory. Perhaps the kid hadn't shown her, but she had somehow triggered something inside. Maybe that kid was more than any of us ever knew.... She shook her head. What Spike had said to Ed was so pure and so terrifying in it's simplicity. Perhaps what was more terrifying was Spike's acceptance of it, and how much that signified that it was probably more truth than anyone would want to see. "Vicious told me, when he pushed me out of the chapel window, that he was the only one that could kill me. And I think he was right." Ed had replied with one of her usual antics that had everything and nothing to do with what was going on around her. This time, it had been something about Evil. Something about Vicious and selfishness and evil. For not ever meeting him, the kid was certainly right on the mark.... The comment had come back to her in her dreams more times than she could count. And it was part of how she knew, as soon as he left this last time, that he was going to his death.

The [ _________________ ] trio. Spike, Julia, and Vicious. Where ever one went, the other was not far away. Nor, usually, was death. Spike had gone to find Julia. If he found her, which Faye was certain he would, Vicious would find them. And so would death.

Faye went to the small window in the hall, and looked out at the night sky. Then she went back into the small room, lay down on the bed, and wept until sleep overtook her.