Crossover With Non-anime Series Fan Fiction / Crossover Fan Fiction ❯ Cannonball Run 3 World Tour ❯ They're Off! (Like A Cannonball) ( Chapter 2 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Chapter 2

They're Off! (Like A Cannonball)

'There's only one way to figure it. And that is, every man for himself!' Buddy Hackett in 'It's A Mad Mad Mad Mad World.'

"Here they are!" Victor looked through his binoculars.

"I told you!" Said JJ nudged his partner. They looked down upon New York across the large bridge connecting the city with the Statue of Liberty. "I knew this race would be a hit! Look at them come!"

A week had already passed. Many had prepared for this brightest day. So many had dreamed for it. And now it was finally here. Cars…planes….boats…..all dashed to the direction from where JJ and Victor stood. The Cannonballers roared their engines making their grand entries to the ultimate race that would bring them all fame and fortune. Across the bridge they came. Shouts mixed with joy and panic echoed through the sky. They looked directly to the large entrance gates. On top a sign hung while the gust of wind blew behind it:

**********WELCOME CANNONBALLERS**********

"LOOK, EDDIE!!!! WE'RE HERE!!!! HA! HA! HAA!!!!!" Cried Captain Chaos steering the Ratfang full speed ahead through the crowd.

"(Arise, my chosen ones.)" Yoruba woke up Wally Gator, Top Cat and Snagglepuss.

"Here we are, people! That loot is all gonna be ours!" Said Eddy Gordo suddenly waking up his friends in the Fireforce.

"A hundred million bucks, here we come!" Joe Montana drove the Vandal with his friends.

"(The test will begin soon. We have arrived at our destination)." Said Sub-Zero to Kim and Mitsurugi in the Wolfbeast.

"It's the Cannonball Run! Ha! Ha! Ha!" Laughed Pee-Wee shaking Bob the Builder controlling the Pit Stop Catapult.

"We have arrived, my friends. Let us rejoice!" Hadji tried not to hit the others cars in his way when handling the Afterburner.

"Shaft! I can't believe it!" Linka hugged Shaft in the Detonator, "We're actually here!"

"Will you two stop bickering back there?" Dr. Strangefate couldn't take up anymore of the Twits mucking around in the Thunderwing.

"Rolly, wake up!" Shorty nudged his pineapple friend.

"Resistance is futile. The Cannonball will be mine." Sauron mumbled.

"All right, guys! We're here! Great job!" Richard Simmons clapped his hands.

"Mission to land! Hold on to your asses!" Major Payne ordered his cadets in the Skybolt.

"A hundred million dollars! A hundred million dollars!" Sang Team Rocket in the Swicthblade while Jesse raised the chopper higher into the sky.

"DAK! DAK! DAK! DAK! DAK!" Said the Martians in the back seat of the Jackhammer.

"Hurry up, Sakura!" Said Hinata in the side car of the Piranha.

"Hold on, girls!" Goten closed his helmet while Amy and Hotaru held on tight on the Condor.

"YEEEEEEHHHAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!" Stinky Pete popped himself out of the Firecracker and waved his hat.

"WAK WAK WAK WAK WAK!!!!!" Squirmed Donald as he ordered Goofy to floor the Gator.

"Oh….I think we've got this going, baby!" Grinned Daffy Duck rubbing his hands together as Wild E. Coyote drove the Rhino.

"Steady as it goes, T-Bob. You're doing fine." Mr. Conductor whispered to his robotic pal.

"GANGWAY!!!!!! YUK! YUK! YUK!!!!!" Laughed Bozo the clown on the Firefly.

"Can't you believe that it took almost twenty years to establish this race?" Amara shook her head to the three other girls in the Stiletto. She tryied not to set her eyes away from the road.

"Casper," thought Felix the cat, "The Hornet better work in this race."

The gates were opened for the competitors to arrive. The boats went through small tunnels. The cars went through the gates. While the air vehicles flew over the island itself, ready to land immediately. Everyone parked their vehicles randomly, bursting out of their doors and running straight to the signing up posts along the grassy field.


"What is it, Victor?"

"Where's Slappy? Wasn't he supposed to lead our guests to the signing up area?"

"There he is." JJ pointed down.

"Welcome, all Cannonballers!" Slappy presented himself in front of the giant stampede.

"Please come this way to……….AAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!" Slappy suddenly turned back after seeing the large hoard. He began fleeing for his very life, but it was too late. In just a split second's time he was already under the trampling feet of the Cannonballers.

"Oooh, that's gotta hurt." Victor looked away.

When the smoke below cleared the small height dummy doll got up. His clothes all dirty and torn and he was flat as a pancake. He couldn't seem to keep his balance when standing.

"Looks like he's okay." Said JJ.

But then Slappy raised his arm up high and suddenly collapsed again to the floor unconscious, letting out a loud groan before hitting the ground.

"……the signing up area……ugh."

'When I wake up in the morning each

And every day,

And I sit down on my table

And I hear my daddy say,

Life is nothing,

It is nothing,

Life is nothing but a slap

In the face,

Life is nothing,

It is nothing,

Life is nothing

But a fat rat race.

Every night I have a dream that

You're taking off your dress,

The only thing you're wearing

Is a button on your chest,

And the button,

It says nothing,

Life is nothing but a slap

In the face,

Life is nothing,

It is nothing.

Life is nothing

But a fat rat race.'

'Rat Race' by Baha Men.

…That night…

The Cannonball Inn was a nice place to stay. It was big, open and had much to offer for the guests, who were hungry for nothing but the cash money. Nevertheless perhaps something to eat and drink would be decent for a change. JJ and Victor looked upon the competitors through their office window. There were certainly a whole lot more people than in the race years ago.

"Hi!" Said the Bartender to the fat Japanese scientist, the purple haired girl, the small winged angel and the robotic feline cat, all sitting at the counter. "What can I get you people?"

"(We'd like four Coca-Colas please.)" Said Dr. Slump. The bartender looked at their happy faces in confusion.

"Does anyone speak Japanese here?" He looked around the room.

Nobody answered.

He looked back at his customers. "I'll just get you guys some peanuts."

The four racers just nodded happily.

"Gosh, this baby weighs a tone." Said Britney Spears holding little Dill Pickles.

"Too bad we couldn't find the little kid's parents." Said Elly.

"Well, what can you say?" Rizzo shrugged chowing down on his nachos.

"We have to look after the poor thing." Said Gonzo.

"Don't take it too hard, girls. I'm sure we'll find the boy's parents after the race." Said Kermit.

"Kermit, I hate to say this, but the chances of that stand as zero so far." Said C-3P0.

"How do you know?" Asked Richie Rich. R2-D2 began to speak in his robot language.

"What did he say?" Said Wade Duck.

"Oh, don't fuss with him!" Rosie stepped in front of R2-D2.

"Enemy! Enemy! Enemy!" Squealed the Robot.

"Don't worry, pal." Richie Rich patted his friend, "Look, there's tons of people wanting to compete in this race. Of course they're our enemies!" But nobody took notice of the old man in the blue suit walking through the crowd accompanied by dozens of lawyers, apart from the orangutan of course.

"Okay, Elaine, that's one Vanilla Coke for you, a Pepsi for me…" Guybrush was forgetting Durga. "Oh, how about you, Miss Durga?"

"Get me ten bottles of Sprite."

"Okay……" Guybrush hesitated. "Coming right up."

"What can I get for you, sir?" Said the bartender.

"Dry martini, my friend. Shaken not stirred." James Bond ordered on the counter.

"Dry Martini. Stirred not shaken. Coming right up."

"I'm sorry. I said shaken not stirred."

"Don't worry, I heard you, pal. Stirred not shaken." James Bond just shrugged. "Oh, well."

"Like, hey, baby!" Butthead wrapped his arm round the Digidestined girl Mimi. "Like, want me to buy you a drink or something, huh, huh, huh."

"Get away from me you loser!" Mimi pushed Butthead away.

"Nice going Butthead." Beavis watched the whole thing. "I could've done better, heh, heh, heh."

"Shut up ass wipe!" Said Butthead punched Beavis in the eye.

"Take this, fart knocker!" Beavis retaliated.

"I'll kick you in the balls!" Butthead said.

"Not if I do it first!" Beavis kicked his friend in the organ between the legs.


"Mimi, where've you been?" Asked Matt.

"Oh, just went to get myself a drink." Said Mimi, "Just ran into a couple of sore idiots who think they're so cool."

The Digidestined and their Digimon sat in a round circular table eating their food while Tai discussed their plans for the race tomorrow.

"Isn't this great, guys?" Dingo smiled. Everyone looked grim at the hideous 'thing' beside Tai.

"Mr. Kamiya." Said the Doc. "I realize you kids need me during this race. I understand. Well, all I have to say is that you came to the right person." Everyone looked at Tai with a sick looking expression. But what could do? They needed someone to help them if they ever got injured somehow. They would need someone professional. He was their only guy.

"Oh, God." Biyomon looked away to Sora.

"This isn't going to be easy." Said Sora. Tai looked at Izzy and Davis once again. All they did was give a cheerful grin at Tai's face.

"Ten bottles of whisky?" Dream almost jumped out of his chair. "Are you joking?"

"Hey, we're immortal, remember? We can drink anything we want." Smiled Death. "You can too. Remember?"

"My apologies." Said Dream. "Sometimes I begin to feel that I'm becoming too human."

"You kids hungry?" Ivy said to the four kids as she lifted up her black shades


"Charles, give your friends what they want now."

"Yes, Ivy." Charles Manson called a waiter.

"So who are you?" Asked Kyle Broslovsky to the purple haired girl smoking a cigarette.

"The name's Ivy."

"Sweet name." Said Eric Cartman.

"Thanks. Is Charles here your friend?"

"Yeah, we visit him sometimes. He's always happy to see us." Said Stan Marshe.

"So how did you end up in jail in Charles' cell?" Asked Eric Cartman.

"Grand theft auto."

"Wow." The boys were amazed.

"Mphmpmhmpmmhpm?" Asked Kenny McCormick. All eyes gazed upon the orange boy. But Ivy looked at him sternly raising her brow and lifting up her shades once again.

"Excuse me?" Ivy said.

"And that's when I said. I'll rip your head off and shit down your neck!" Duke was with the lovely girls surrounding his table, telling them about his adventures with scum bucket aliens.

"Oh, Duke! Win the race….." One of the girls began to stroke his chest slowly, rubbing against his nipples firmly. "…..for us!"

"I'd buy that for a dollar!" Said Duke. The girls cheered in delight.

"Thank you, Duke!" They all applauded.

"Hey, where's Elliott?" Asked Michael after having returned with their drinks.

"He's right here!" Whiskers pointed to the empty chair, which suddenly broke from out of the blue. "Didn't you know he can turn himself invisible?"

"I've been away for too long." Michael shook his head.

"Come on, Ren." Said Stimpy, "Just play along with him. He's just trying to be friendly." The hairy sasquatch began hugging the grumpy Ren tightly.

"Stimpy, you idiot," Ren squirmed, "I just can't believe…..that you brought this ten foot giant with us to this race!"

"Don't be mean, Ren. He's harmless." Said Stimpy, "Aw! Look! I think he likes you." Bigfoot began to squeeze Ren so hard that his eyes began to puff up.

"Please…underhand…me." Ren whispered.

"Waiter." Said Steve Austin sitting on the counter.

"Yes, sir, what can I get for you?" The bartender approached the wrestler known as 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin.

"Scotch. No ice."

"Certainly……" The bartender paused as Nemesis' dark shadow completely covered him. The giant looked down and growled. "And what…..would your…..friend like, s-sir?"


"I'm s-s-sorry?"

"He said he wanted some Kool Aid." Said Steve. "Better make it fast. My friend here kind of gets impatient when he's thirsty."

"C-c-certainly, s-s-s-sir." The bartender walked away shivering in terror.

"Well, here we are son. The Cannonball Run." Homer Simpson gulped down his beer.

"Hey, waiter." Said Bart.

"Yes, sir?"

"I'd like a glass beer please." Homer spat out his drink.

"Certainly, sir."

"Bart! How could you?" Shouted Homer.

"Dad, we can drink anything in this bar. You don't have to be twenty-one." Said Bart.

"Oh, yeah? Well no son of mine is going to drink like this!" Homer looked at the waiter, "Make that two glasses for my boy!"

"Hey, Mario?" Asked Luigi. "You see them yet?"

"Nope. Can't see them anywhere." Said Mario.

"You know, Mario." Link sipped his beer, "I just wish you and that hedgehog could just reason for once. Come on."

"Never!" Said Mario.

"Yeah. He's been the cause of much of our failure back in the Nintendo Company!" Said Luigi.

"We need to teach him a lesson!" Mario slammed his fist on the table.

"Look who we have here!" Sonic the hedgehog approached the plumbers and the elf with his two tailed fox and the red echidna.

"Sonic!" Said Mario.

"And so we meet again, old timer." Said Sonic.

"Think you're going to win this race?" Said Knuckles.

"Of course!" Luigi bolted from his chair.

"Think you can beat the Buzzard?" Grinned Tails.

"Hey! The Goliath will thrash your car in the first five seconds of the race!" Mario said in an angry tone. "Ask the expert here!" Mario patted Link on the shoulder.

"Uh, hi." Link waved lightly giving a forced smile upon the rivals.

"No time for chit chat. Just came to say that we're going to beat you fair and square!" Said Sonic. Mario stepped closer to Sonic.

"Oh, yeah?" he exclaimed, "We'll just see about that hedgehog! I bet I could win this race with my eyes closed!"

"Yeah, right." Said Sonic. "Get real!"

"Okay maybe not." Sighed Mario, "But me and my friends are going to beat YOU! And we're going to give that money to Nintendo!"

"Sure. Obviously I'd give it to Sega so that we can be more famous!" Said Sonic.

"Well." Link rose from his chair. "It's looks like we've got a little head to head of our own here. Why not say we make a little deal? May the best racer win and get the money. How's that? That's all we have to do. Nothing more complicated than that."

"Okay dokey." Mario shook Sonic's hand in a firm grip.

"You're on, plumber boy." Sonic smiled.

"See you guys at the race." Knuckles waved.

"We'll be there." Luigi said.

"You better." Tails added.

"Gosh, Snoops! I didn't realize you could drink so much for a beagle." Said Rocky the squirrel.

"Look at him go." Bullwinkle dropped his mouth open.

"Think he's ready for the race tomorrow?" Said Rocky the rooster.

"Looks like it." Said Roy. Snoopy began speaking in his own barking language to Rocky the rooster after having drunk three bottles of beer.

"What did he say?" Asked Siegfried.

"He said he wants five more bottles of beer. How drunk can you get?" Rocky fell back on his chair.

"To us." Nick Fury held up his glass of champagne with the others. "The terrific four."

"Why not fantastic?" Asked Buffy.

"Marvel will sue us." Said Batman.

"Let us drink." Said Spawn.

A man walked by.

"Who's he?" Asked Buffy.

"Who cares?" Nick snorted. "As long as it doesn't bother us."

"SMOOOKIN!!!!!!" The Mask puffed smoke from his cigar.

"Elwood! Did you order our drinks, yet?" Jake nudged his partner.

"Ten minutes ago. Wonder what's taking them so long." Elwood looked around.

"Hey, did you guys see the weird guy that just walked by?" Freakazoid disturbed the two. The three men looked back.

"Where?" They said. The man in the blue suit was already gone.

"Well, guys, how are you all doing?" Sergeant Mahoney asked his crew.

"I love this place!" Obelix munched down on his wild boar. "Very good food!"

"Never seen so many people here before." Said Captain Haddock.

"Seems to me this Cannonball thing is really big." Laughed Popeye.

"Um, guys…." Said Scuffy.

Everyone turned to his direction.

"You may want to call a paramedic." Said Jerry, "I think Sebastian's been drinking a little too much."

"Hello all you happy people," Sebastien smiled as he let out some hiccups, "Look! I see stars in the sky." The red crab suddenly collapsed.

"Damn good beer!" Dark Paw gulped down his drink.

"Look Shrieky. So many people….yet so many losers…..YAK! YAK! YAK! YAK! YAK!" It was most obvious Beastly was drunk, but so was his friend.

"Yeah, go to hell all of you! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!" Shrieky laughed endlessly with Beastly.

"They obviously haven't drunk much." Said Fearless Leader watching the drunken duo cackle away.

"Duh." The Grinch drank away.

"Muttley, stop sniggering like that. It's irritating me." Said Dick Dastardly. Muttley was obedient enough to do so.

"Say," Captain Hook looked out, "Who is that gentlemen in the blue suit?" Everyone looked at Dishonest John.

"What are you guys looking at? I'm wearing black. Are you people color blind or something?"

The mysterious man walked past Dishonest John from behind.

"Hi Xena." Max brought back the drinks for her and Hercules.

"Hi Max." Xena took her drink.

"Thanks for getting us our drinks." Hercules drank up.

"No problem…..did any of you see that weird guy?" Asked Max.

"Who?" Hercules and Xena replied.

"Some old guy dressed in blue. Looked like he was with a crowd of other people following him." Said Max.

Hercules and Xena shrugged.

"Don't worry about him." Said Xena.

"We can all take care of him if he causes any trouble." Hercules displayed his muscles.

"Sure." Xena nodded.

"Yes, sir. Yes I understand. Goodbye." Jesse put down her cell phone.

"Well, what did the boss say?" Asked Meowth.

"He just wished us luck and said that this was the first time we ever did something useful for him. Nothing much else."

"Hey, Jesse, look." James pointed out to the man and rabbit not far away. "Isn't it that Inspector Eddie Valiant and his pesky rabbit?"

"Well I'll be." Meowth set down his glass. "What a surprise finding them in the race."

"Hey, Eddie." Roger tapped his shoulder.

"What is it, Roger?" Asked Eddie.

"Check those girls over there." The white rabbit nudged his head forwards towards the four girls sitting together in the distance. "Who do you think they are?"

Joanna Dark was the first one to notice the detective and the rabbit staring at them blankly. She told the others about her discovery and they set their eyes upon the two watchers. They whispered to each other and smiled. They gave a few waves at them while Eddie and Roger waved back. Lara Croft and Amara watched Michelle kiss her palm and blow it to Roger and Eddie.

"Eddie, I think I'm in lo….." Roger was interrupted when he heard the voice of Jessica calling to him.

"Ahem. Roger." Jessica crossed her arms together.

Eddie watched Lara, Joanna, Amara and Michelle wave one last time to him before going onto their own business once again. Eddie smiled and waved again, not noticing Dolores observing his every move.

"Eddie?" Said Dolores in a strict tone. Eddie suddenly jumped from his love trance and looked back at Dolores.

"Yes, Dolores?"

"Were you looking at those four girls over there in the corner?"

"Oh, no. Of course not." Eddie shook his head. Even though it didn't seem convincing he was telling the truth, Dolores just looked at the four girls and snorted.

"You better not." Said Dolores.

"Well, well, well!" A voice came from behind. "If it isn't Mr. Eddie Valiant and his bumbling friend, Roger Rabbit." Meowth marched forward while Jesse and James followed from behind side by side.

"Team Rocket!" Shouted Eddie. "What the hell are you guys doing here?"

"Official business." Said James.

"Boss sent us here to win this race." Said Jesse.

"Well, sorry to burst your bubble, people, cause that money is gonna be mine. Tell your boss he can kiss my ass!" Said Eddie.

"HO! HO! HO!" Laughed Meowth jumping onto the table and gripping Eddie by his tie.

"That's where you're wrong, Mister."

"You leave me pal, alone!" Said Roger. Meowth looked at Roger for a few silent before letting go of his friend.

"You guys are never going to believe what we've got in store for tomorrow." Said Meowth.

"That's right. Team Rocket's going to the max." Said James.

"We're going to win that money before any of you can say Jack Robinson." Laughed Jesse.

"What is it with you, Jesse?" Said Jessica. "You and your ridiculous team motto?"

"You guys don't have a chance of beating us!" Said James.

"Can't you guys just leave us alone?" Said Dolores.

"Oh, I don't think so." Meowth released his sharp paw nails. "You see, we're not done yet. We just want to say that you're all going to get creamed by our Switchblade."

"Switchblade?" Said Roger.

"Our vehicle for the Cannonball race." Said Jesse.

"Well, whatever it is, it's NOT going to beat the Ratfang." Eddie answered back.

"HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!"

"What kind of stupid name is that?" Said Meowth. Eddie was getting annoyed.

"That sounds like the name of my little remote control car I had when I was five!" James slapped Meowth on the shoulder.

"Okay, you three, move along. Don't want you people causing any trouble." Baby Herman interrupted when he and Benny the cab entered the scene along with several security guards.

"Benny? Herman?" Said Roger.

"Move along you three." The security guards said. The three regretfully did as they were told, and they returned to their seats smirking at Eddie and the others on the way.

"We'll see who's boss." Said Jesse.

"Yeah, we'll show you people." Said James.

"And we'll prove to you the true power of the Switchblade! HA! HA! HA!" Meowth laughed.

"Creeps." Eddie said.

"Herman, what are you and Benny doing here?" Roger was surprised to see his friends here.

"Oh, we kinda got interested in the Cannonball Run eventually. Now me and Benny are the betting organizers." Said Herman.

"What do you mean?" Said Dolores.

"Nothing too major. A lot of people are putting money on you guys." Said Benny. "We'll inform everywhere your positions in the race from time to time."

"So you guys are working for the Cannonball Run?" Said Eddie.

"Yep." Herman gave a nod.

"Good luck in the race, guys." Said Benny as he and the baby left the four.

"Sure." Said Eddie.

"Gosh. I didn't think Benny and Herman would get hired for this job." Sighed Jessica.

"Well, expect the unexpected." Said Dolores.

"Hey, Mr. Valiant." Another unknown voice boomed. "How's it going?"

Tommy and Jamie greeted Eddie.

"Tommy? Jamie?" Eddie smiled. "Well, if it isn't my old friends. What are you guys doing here? I thought you were still held up in that institute back in……"

"We got out." Jamie smiled with a nod. She had a sarcastic look in her eyes.

"So you guys in the race too, I presume?"

"Yep." Tommy said.

"But let the best racer win, Mr. Valiant." Jamie patted Eddie on the shoulder.

"Yeah, you too."

"See ya round!" Tommy and Jamie walked away.

"So long, guys!"

"Mr. Burns……" JJ McClure spoke to the man in the blue suit. "I appreciate what you are trying to give me. But I still do not find it wise to sell the Cannonball Run World Tour to your hands."

"But don't you see, Mr. McClure?" Montgomery Burns opening his suitcase, "It's five billion dollars!"

"Mr. Burns, we're not that stupid. We know you're money's fake because they've all got your face on it!" Victor showed a dollar bill to the old man's face.

"Oh, fiddlesticks! Foiled once again!"

"Mr. Burns, for the fifth time this month. We are NOT going to give the race to you. End of story." JJ spoke to the small speaker on his desk. "Alice. Send in Mr. G." Within minutes Ali G entered the room with security guards.

"Awright, people, take 'em away." Ali G ordered the guards to take Mr. Burns and his lawyers out of the office room.

"Take your hands off me!" Mr. Burns struggled to get free. It didn't take long for him to vanish from the room. "You haven't seen the last of me!"

He was dragged out from the inn.

"Everything goin' smoothly Mr. McClure?" Asked Ali G.

"Yes, everything's fine."

"Oh, sir. Did you get dat signed contract from Mr. X?"

"Yes, I did, Mr. G. Thank you." JJ took out an envolope from his drawer. "Now all that's left is tomorrow. And off they'll go……" He smiled and leaned back on his chair.

…Somewhere in the Mexican deserts…

"So tell me again, Attar." Said General Thade to his friend. They had finally arrived on Earth on their space ship. "Are you sure these guys call pull it off?"

"I'm certain, sir." Replied Attar, "These people are highly trained for this job. I'm sure they will accomplish our orders."

"Very well. Bring them in."

Attar opened the gates of the ship to let five small weasels enter the craft.

"So, Mr. Thade," Said Smart Ass wiping his knife.

"HA! HA! HA!"

"Shut up!" Smart Ass told his pals to shut their traps, "Sorry…you asked for our……assistance?"

"Have you ever heard of the Cannonball Run?" Thade smiled.

…New York…

Electric bolts scattered around the empty alleyway. Three figures appeared out of the flow of energy.

"Are you sure this is where you sense danger, Yoda?" Asked Captain Kirk.

"Positive I am." Yoda shut his eyes. "I sense much fear in this planet."

"He's right." Said Spock. "We have to stop Unicron from stealing that money, or else all hope will be lost."

"Let's go." Kirk ordered.

The Turks squashed themselves up in a phone booth. They all listened to Thade's loud voice on the phone.

"Did you get that?"

"Yes, sir. Loud and clear." Tseng nodded.

"What did he say?" Asked Rude.

"He says he wants us to help stop the Cannonballers so that none of them can win the prize." Elena said.

"What? How the hell are we gonna get all of them?!" Reno shook fiercely. "That's impossible!"

"Reno. Don't you fear. I've got a few plans that should never fail." Tseng smiled.

…The next day…

'Because we can!









Can !







Can! Can! Can!

Can! Can! Can!'

'Because We Can' by Fatboy Slim.

Millions of fans had arrived. Fireworks were lighted, balloons were raised to the sky, the Cannonball Band played their music to the maximum volume that sent sound waves throughout the whole of the city. Trumpets, guitars, saxophones, violins, cellos, voices, pianos, everything was playing. News reporters walking across the crowds of spectators. This was a fine day, indeed, it was a very fine day for…..

"That was Fatboy Slim with 'Because We Can'." Ryo reported.

"YES! The Cannonball Run World Tour starts here today!" Bosley spoke through the microphone. "Right here, right now. Live in New York. On the island of the Statue of Liberty."

"That's right, Bosley." Said Gennai. "Millions of people have gathered for this very day. Something that people have been waiting for, for almost two decades!"

"Finally the third Cannonball race has made its way! With a hundred million dollar prize to the winner, I'm thinking this competition should be a blast!" Said Misty.

"Yes! Indeed it will be! Nothing's going to stop these daredevils from getting that cash!" Ryo pointed out.

"Jigglypuff, Jigglypuff, Jigglypuff!" Cried Jigglypuff among the news reporters.

"Jigglypuff's got a very good point there." Said Misty.

"What did she say?" Asked Bosley, Ryo and Gennai.

"Jigglypuff says that our racers will have to work hard if they want to travel round the entire world and back here in one piece!"

"Thanks to our famous philosopher, Socrates, we have been given the idea to watch over our racers on every continent." Ryo said. "Socrates?"

The camera changed into Socrates' room.

"Well, it's quite simple actually, obviously we're dying to know where the Cannonballers will be every hour, on the hour. So it should be wise to have them watched by our chosen commentators around the globe."

The camera went back to Bosley and his friends.

"Thanks Socrates. Well, there's only one hour left before the race starts. So I say we just get this show on the road!"

"Well said, Gennai!" Said Bosley, "We'll get back to you for more about the Cannonball Run World Tour, but for now patience is something all of us must go through. We are, Misty, Ryo, Jigglypuff, Gennai and myself, reporting live from New York."

Gary waited for Mike in the crowd of fans impatiently. He was supposed to return ten minutes ago. He wandered what was keeping his friend up.

"About time you got those tickets." Gary snatched his ticket when Mike finally arrived.

"Sorry, the betting queue was kinda long. I finally got our tickets." Said Mike.

"So who did you bet on?" Asked Gary.

"I bet on the Jackhammer man, this car just kicks ass!" Gary just laughed when he heard his friend's dream winner.

"You gotta be kidding! I, Gary, have betted on the best vehicle in the Cannonball Run." He boasted.

"Oh, really? Let's see your betting ticket."

"Here you go. I have betted on the best and the only: Batmobile!"



"There IS NO Batmobile in the race." Gary gasped.

"There wasn't any Batmobile, so the guy at the counter just gave me some other random bet." Gary glanced at his voted vehicle.

"AAAAA!!!!!!!" Gary screamed in shock. He bet was on a simple box: The Hornet.

"Oh my God!" Mike screamed, taking his attention away from Gary. "Look over there! It's Robert Stack!"

Robert Stack was being filmed in front of a camera. But this was no interview.

"Today, we explore the mastermind behind this astonishing race. Who in this world could have ever thought of such the bizarre yet fantastic idea of the Cannonball Run? Why does he do this? What purpose does this event bring him? Where is he hiding? And when will he show himself to us?" Robert shrugged casually, "Well, who knows? But join us, for another edition of Unsolved Mysteries."

Meanwhile, the Cannonballers were preparing their vehicles for the race. They cleaned them, they washed and they tested them. All was working well. Everyone was looking forward to this great journey round the globe. It would definitely be worth a hundred million dollars.

"Come! Come! My men! Hurry up with those wheels!" Shouted Corvax the Terrible Sheik at his two tall canine bodyguards, "Somebody get me twelve bottles of Gatorade! Better yet, a whole pack!"

"Hand me that screwdriver, Alf," Said Steve Irwin, "I think this wheel is a little loose." Baron Samedi and Kirikou watched as Steve made adjustments to their vehicle the Barracuda.

"Okay, that's fine, Vincent." Squall nodded.

He and Seifer stood outside the Hurricane car while Yuffie checked the open engine. Vincent was on the driver's seat stepping on the pedal when his friends asked him to.

"Right, Vincent, wind it up again. I think I heard something gurgle in the engines. You ready, Yuffs?" Seifer called out.

"Okay." Yuffie gave an o-shaped signal.

"Here goes nothing." Murmured Vincent.

Large noises was growled from the engine and the ninja girl notice the large splat of oil that shot soon onto her face.

"Everything okay, Yuffie?" Squall tried not to laugh when he at Yuffie's black face.

"Ha! Ha! Very funny, guys!" Yuffie opened her eyes slightly. "Can somebody please get me a cloth or something?"

"Everything set?" Asked Emperor Kuzco.

"Everything's in order, Mr. Kuzco." Dahlia smiled. She turned to Alessa,

"Now Alessa, you be good in this race. You understand? And be nice to Mr. Kuzco." Dahlia kept ordering her daughter round everywhere.

"Yes, mother." Alessa replied.

"And don't give me that sly tone." Dahlia snapped.

"Yes, mother." Alessa sighed again.

"You want me to come, Hitomi?" Said Van Fanel.

"No, that's okay." Hitomi answered. "I'll be okay with Heero and the others.

"I can see that." Van looked at Heero talking to his friends.

"Take care of yourself." Duo shook Heero's hand.

"Don't get yourself killed." Trowa said.

"Or hurt." Said Quatre.

"Or anything else crazy." Said Chang.

"No problem. Heero's going to come back in one piece." Heero bid farewell and went back to the Thunderhawk.

"Yep. He's gonna get killed." Chang whispered while everyone nodded.

Meanwhile, somewhere else, Sakura Kinomoto had invited her friends too.

"Hey, Sakura! This is your first time in a real Cannonball race!" Tomoyo zoomed her camera onto Sakura. "How do you feel?"

Sakura Kinomoto blushed.

"Oh, you're so lucky!" Meilin moaned. "Next time, let Syaoran and I come too!"

"Thanks. But no thanks." Said Syaoran "I'd rather not get myself killed on the road."

"AAA!!!!!!! HELP ME!!!!!" Kiyone cried as the Thunderhawk literally began crushing her upper torso.

"I gotta go!" Sakura rushed to Kiyone's help.

"Good luck, Sakura!" Tomoyo waved.

"Bring back lots of cake!" Kero added.

"Oops, sorry, Kiyone!" Mihoshi tried to help her friend out of the fine mess just after she knocked over the car jack of the Thunderhawk. The others helped out the bumbling blond police girl.

"Mihoshi! You gotta be more careful!" Said Sakura.

"Yeah, especially when I'm driving the vehicle." Said Heero.

"Mike, can you help us please." The White Ranger called to the boxer.

"No problem, guys, easy as pie." Mike Tyson gave his team a helping hand and lifted the car to let Kiyone out. When that happened the green haired girl bolted and started strangling Mihoshi.

"I'll kill you!" Kiyone cried. "I'll seriously kill you if you ever do that again!"

"Armed and ready." Action Man geared up his equipment and weapons while tightening up the Jungle Challenge on his back. He began to put black line marks on his cheek to make him look like a real jungle commando. "You're going down, Evel Knievel. You were yesterday's action hero. Make way for the newcomer."

"Baby, you're looking good today." Carmen Sandiego wiped her red car shiny clean. She looked at her own reflection and kissed at it.

"Careful with those missiles, Spot." Lucky warned Spot who was slowly installing the red missiles into the Coast Patrol motor boat.

"Goodbye, Moneypenny." James looked at Moneypenny. She gave a smile as James loaded the Rescue Mission on his back along with its weapons and gadgets.

"Best of luck, James." Said Moneypenny.

"Buttercup, can you check those cannons again?" Blossom tried to ignore the Thunderball tilting with the oceans wave movements.

"It's time Mr. Knievel showed the people what I'm really made of." The stuntman zipped up his uniform and equipped on Venom's Revenge. "Action Man, you better not get in my way. I've still got the moves."

"Well, this is it, Rainbow Brite." The girl thought to herself, hopping into her vehicle. "Today's the day the world is depending on you."

"Hurry up, you people, chop chop." Inspector Clouseau clapped his hands together at the tennis players as they worked hard on fixing up the Ramp-Up.

"Do we have enough to drink?" Asked Stanley Stupid.

"Plenty." Buster took out a small bottle of water.

"Do we have enough to eat?"

"Plenty." Petunia took out a tiny container of Pringles.

"Strength and honor." Maximus continued making his adjustments to the Racing Arena vehicle.

"Edwin, can you help me here? I can't get this out." Fat Bastard looked at the Sea Attack boat.

"You ready, Santa Clause?" Asked Mario Lemieux after putting on the Goliath 2 on his back.

"You betcha!" Winked Santa. "What about you, my little friend?"

Pingu nodded from behind.

"All raring to go!" Said Michael Flatley.

"Okay, everything's normal. I think this race looks promising for us." Speed Racer wiped his hands together.

"You girls ready for the race!" Said Shrek to the Angels. All three of them nodded with smiles on their faces.

"(Oglas, that goes there.)" Ogo was helping Oglas fix the Glider Strike.

"Eddie. Do you think the Ratfang is okay?" Asked Roger Rabbit.

"I'm positive, Roger. I've checked it five times."

"Oh, no." Dolores looked back.

"Here comes trouble." Jessica caught sight of Team Rocket approaching their vehicle.

"So, this is it, huh?" Said Meowth. "Looks like something my grandma could afford! Ha! Ha!"

"Yeah, say hello to our Switchblade." James pointed his arm to the large blue chopper that glittered in the sun's rays. Eddie and the others were amazed.

"Feast your eyes on that baby!" Said Meowth.

"That thing's huge." Said Dolores.

"Too bad you people aren't going to be in it!" Jesse laughed to herself.

"And that's what I meant when we said we're gonna beat you fair and square!" Said Meowth.

"Take a hike, you guys." Said Jessica.

"Very well, losers!" Jesse said before she, James and Meowth laughed together walking back to the Switchblade.

"Come on, Roger, let's get a drink before we set off." Jessica took Roger's hand.

"Eddie. I'm going to check the Ratfang one more time." Dolores bobbed downwards. Eddie's attention however was already far away. His eyes were already gazing in the distance upon the same girls he and Roger saw back in the bar last night. They looked at him again with those same happy smiles, waving and blowing kisses at him.

"Do you think they'll win the race?" Asked Joanna.

"I doubt it." Said Michelle.

"Most unlikely." Said Lara Croft.

"Yeah, especially when we're in it, too." Finished Amara.

"DUN DUN DUUUUUN!!!!!!!!!" Eddie's attention was broken when Roger Rabbit, or Captain Chaos flew into the scene.

"OH, GOD!" Eddie shouted. "Why now?"

"I tried to stop 'him'." Said Jessica. "I did all I could."

"Oh, no. Not 'him' again." Said Dolores.

"Eddie. This looks like a job for Captain Chaos." Said Captain Chaos, "I'll drive the Ratfang, you can sit up front with me. Jessica, Dolores, you sit in the back. I shall take all of you on this great journey beyond!"


"Hello. We are Misty, Ryo, Gennnai, Jigglypuff and myself Bosley reporting live again from New York in the Cannonball Run World Tour. Boy do we a show for you people today! Cause we got the Cannonball Run Band with us today!"

"Yes." Said Misty, "We'll have live performances by various artists!"

"Yes, people such as…"

"They can see for themselves, Ryo. Don't give the audience any spoilers!" Bosley nudged him before he could say more.

"It's only ten minutes now before the race!" Said Gennai, "And it looks like the Cannonballers are being summoned upon the Cannonball's host, UK's biggest celebrity, Ali G!"

"Gather round everybody!" Said Ali G. Cannonballers and fans gathered round the stage from where the host was standing. "Welcome all of you to da Cannonball Run World Tour! We've waited a long twenty years for dis day. And now we have come back to bring all of you da race that will bring all of you round the entire world and back again with a hundred million dollaz!"

"YYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!" The audience shouted in extreme laughter and delight as firecrackers went off everywhere while more fireworks were set off and balloons set into the air once more.

"May the Lord bring hope on all of you who participate! And may da best Cannonballa win!"

More cheers were made as many began dancing happily while others hugged each other in joy. "And now, on behalf on Mr. McClure and Mr. Prinzey………MAY DA CANNONBALL RUN WORLD TOUR BEGIN!!!!!!!!!"


"Ladies and gentlemen," Said Gennai. "We give you Menudo's 'Like A Cannonball', by the Jackson 5!"

"Come on Gennai!" Shouted Misty, "We're going to miss the start of the race!"

"Let's go, guys!" Said Michael Jackson to his brothers.

'See the lightning cross the sky,

Makes me wonder why can't I,

Move that fast to get to where you're going.'

Richie Rich gave the race card to the Orangutan driver who walked up to the time box and punched the card in. He gave it back to Richie immediately and the Slingshot drove off.

"C'mon, Tai!" Cried Kari. Tai got out of the Outlaw and punched his card into the time box, before rushing back into the truck. Within seconds The Outlaw was far away from the starting line.

"I shall see you later! I love you all!" Cried Corvax before he got back in his car with his card.

Leonardo DiCaprio inserted the card into the box before jumping back into the Skybolt that lifted itself from the air and flew into the sky.

'I just can't wait to get to you,

Cause girl, you know just what we'll do,

So much for you is overflowing.'

"LET'S GO!!!!!" Donald Duck dashed back to the Gator with his punched card and Goofy drove off at the speed of light.

"Hit it!" Jamie yelled at Tommy after punching her card.

"Hurry up!" Said Dick Dastardly to Muttley who was trying to punch his card in the box.

Hitomi got out of the Thunderhawk and punched the card. Her friends beckoned her back in quickly and the red Camero car drove away.

'I gave you a license,

To drive me up the wall,

I just shake this spell that your love keep me under.'

Maximus put on his metallic helmet after punching his race card and zoomed off in the Racing Arena.

"HA! HA! HA!" Meowth leaned out of the Switchblade where James held him out, who himself was held by Jesse. The cat punched the card and the chopper ascended to the sky.

"Go Buttercup!" Cried Bubbles. Buttercup, in a split second, flew to the time box punching the card and dashed back to the Thunderball. The Thunderball sent splashes of water when it drove off along the sea.

"Make way for Guybrush Threepwood. The mightiest pirate in the world!" Guybrush said after punching his card.

'The way you weave your magic,

Your brown eyes say it all,

I look at you and feel the thunder.'

"ARRIBA!!!!! ANDALE!!!!!!!!! YE-HAAAA!!!!!!" Speedy Gonzalez wound the engine of the Coast Patrol after Lucky punched his card. They had already vanished along the big blue ocean.

James Bond ran by the time box punching his card as he passed by. He started his jet motor and the chopper propellers began to spin. Immediately 007 was off his feet and in the air, hovering away.

"ACK! ACK!" The Martians ran back in the Jackhammer with their card, when they saw the van already moving.

The man at the counter of the time box handed the race card to four girls in the Stiletto. Amara took back the card and steered the driving wheel. Lara, Joanna and Michelle waved back before the doors shut tight.




The Hurricane slowly stopped near the time box. Yuffie was sitting sideways on the roof of the Chevy car. When the car halted she flipped over in front of the vehicle and landed on her feet to the ground. The audience applauded as the ninja rushed to punch the card. She ran back and jumped into the Hurricane through the open side window at the back with Vincent.

Eddie got back into the Ratfang with his card before Captain Chaos would drive off without him.

"Here I go!" Rainbow Brite set the Shadow Stalker to full speed after punching her card.

"MOVE IT PEOPLE!" Nick Fury hopped back onto the floating island of Boulder Hill that moved with the currents of the sea. He gave his card to Buffy and the four were ready to go. Spawn stepped on it and the island left.

'Kids react at the speed of sound,

That's why I'm so glad I've found,

Someone who makes love and feel so right.'

Tom Anderson got out of his trailer to investigate the noise that was coming from outside. He discovered that Beavis and Butthead were in their monster truck, Volcano, after having punched their card.

"Hey! Aren't you the boys who've quacking been in my tool shed? You boys get down here right now!"

'There's a detour up ahead,

I'll take another road instead,

Nothing's keeping me from you tonight.'

"Oh, yeah?" Said Beavis. Butthead pushed the lever of their vehicle.

'I gave you license,

To drive me up the wall,

I just can't shake this spell that your love keeps me under.'

Tom Anderson backed away when Butthead ran over his van and trailer under the titanic wheels of the Volcano.

'The way you weave your magic,

Your brown eyes say it all,

I look at you and feel the thunder.'

Tom Anderson looked at the boys speechless. They drive along the road laughing like they always did.




…Across America…

…Across Australia…

…Across Asia…

…Across Europe…

…Across Africa…

…Across Antarctica…

…Across South America…

…And back to America…

…By land…

…By sea…

…By air…

The Cannonballers drove off one after another, having high hopes and dying desires. A hundred million dollars to the first and only first winner. Long had mankind waited for a true victory such as this. It was only the beginning of a quest that many have participated in. Some wished for fame. Others looked for glory. While few craved for the prize itself.

Who will win?