Digimon Fan Fiction / Gundam Wing Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction / Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction / Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ The Second Annual Mediaminer.org Big Fanfiction Contest/Award Ceremony/Oscars/Emmies/Golden Globes Thingie! ❯ Comedy ( Chapter 4 )

Special thanks to all participants

Special thanks to all judges

Special thanks to Microsoft for sponsoring this event

Special thanks to NBC for letting us have their auditorium

Special thanks to all the fans of Doctor Who

Special thanks to the late Douglas Adams. God bless that man.

No thanks to Democratic Presidential candidate Howard Dean. What an idiot...

**

Psy ran on stage and took the podium. "Welcome back to the Awards, everyone! Sorry again about what happened in the last one. We think we've worked out all the bugs, and we're ready to move on! The next is the slaphappy fun category Comedy! And here to present the award is the winner from before, Lady Pesh!"

Lady Pesh danced on stage, still holding her award. She and Psy embraced for a moment before Psy once again moved off for parts unknown. Pesh took the podium and looked out to the crowds.

"The first was the Shinning Award. This is for comedy stories that parody already established writings or entertainment. I didn't have very many entries for this category, but it was still a close call. There was another fic entered that I felt was vaguely funnier, but it merely made reference to what it was a parody of. This clip shows a true parody fic, and it is amusingly humorous. So the winner is: Shane Jayell, with his fic `Agent 0069, or "The name is Tenjou, Utena Tenjou."'"

As Shane approached the podium, the screen came down to start the excerpt.

EXCERPT:

Sorry to call you in on your vacation," Miki didn't
sound too apologetic, "but we have a bit of a sticky
situation." He paused, "One that involves the previous
0069."

"Arisugawa Juri?" Utena raised her eyebrow in honest
surprise. Her mentor at the agency, the supremely
capable Juri had been the best for years. She frowned,
"I thought she retired voluntarily after helping take
out the Sapphic Liberation Front."

"That's the story that we circulated," Miki sadly
agreed, "but the truth is that she had a bit of a
nervous breakdown. It seems that she seduced all 30
members of the leading council of the SLF at their
general meeting, while planting the demolition charges
that destroyed their headquarters."

"That would be pretty tiring," a thoughtful Utena had
to agree. She looked at Miki with a frown, "I take it
she didn't recover from her breakdown?"

"She appeared to be making good progress," Miki noted,
"but it seems that she was only getting good reports
because she had seduced her female doctors. She's
broken out of the private institution we had her in,
and some papers we've discovered in her room contain
some rather disturbing information."

"It seems that Juri was contacted by the survivors of
the SLF," Miki continued, "who seem to think that she
is their true leader. Working with that organization
she has managed to add devices to certain commercial
satellites designed to," he checked his notes,
"project Lesbo-Rays at the planet to convert the
female population into lesbians."

Utena tilted her head to the side to point out,
"According to Shanejayell, all anime females are
lesbians anyway."

"True," Miki calmly admitted, "but I think that Juri
want to get the last few hold outs, as well as to deal
with everyone who still thinks Haruka and Michiru are
just cousins."

"I can't blame her for that last one," Utena muttered.

"Your mission," Miki said, "is to get into Juri's
headquarters and shut down the satellite command
center before she can activate the Lesbo-Rays."

Utena nodded crisply, "Will do."

"Head down to the research and equipment annex," Miki
instructed her, "and W will prepare you for this
mission."

"Do I have to see W?" Utena asked plaintively, "I'm
sure I can manage."

"Regulations," Miki shrugged.

"Yes, sir," Utena sighed, turning around and leaving
the office.

Miki waited for a few moments just to be safe before
he hit a switch hidden bellow his desk. "It's done,
ma'am," he reported softly.

END EXCERPT

Shane smiled and hugged Pesh, taking his award from her. Pesh stood to the side as Shane began his acceptance speech:

"You know, even if I didn't win an award, writing a James Bond parody with the cast of Utena was a lot of fun. Thanks."

Shane left the stage, letting Pesh once again take the stage. Before she could speak, a spotlight fell from above and onto the spot that Pesh had been standing before. They all stared at it for a moment, but thanks to desensitization from television, movies, and videogames, everyone shrugged and ignored it.

"The next award is in honor of the late Douglas Adams, who died a few years ago. His most popular book series was known as the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy trilogy, and the fourth book in the, erm, trilogy, was called `So Long, and Thanks for all the Fish.' And so, this award for Best Comedy is called the So Long, and Thanks for all the Fish Award."

Pesh took out a piece of paper with the winner's name on it.

"Wow, this one was tough. After slicing the entries down to about five worthy opponents, I found that only two stood out as the best of the best. Unfortunately, this left me judging apples and oranges. One fic played off the natural tendencies of the anime characters with perfect form and light humor. The cast remained as in character as even the show's script could hope to portray them. The other candidate provided a more slapstick approach and displayed a dynamic original character. I find myself practically flipping a coin to decide the winner here. Okay, I must give credit to anyone who is brave enough to focus on an OC, so the winner is: Black Seventeen's fic `Anime Asassinations: Quest For Chicks!'"

Black Seventeen dashed to the stage as the excerpt began...

EXCERPT:

BLACK SEVENTEEN'S OFFICE

Sanyasi shivered in his seat across from Black Seventeen. "Can you
turn the heat up, please? It's freezing in here."
"Look, it's already turned up to eighty. I'm sweating like Rush
Limbaugh in a marathon. Just put on a sweater, or something."
"I think that that last assignment gave me frostbite. Come on, have
a heart, will you?"
Black Seventeen sighed heavily and typed into his computer. A white
bundle appeared in Sanyasi's lap. "Here, crybaby. Thermal underwear.
It's the best I can do without turning this room into a tropical rain
forest."
"Well, it's better than nothing," Sanyasi said, standing up and
taking off his coat. "Do you mind if I change into them right here?"
"You think seeing you in your skivvies would bother me? A friend of
mine once made me watch three episodes of La Blue Girl in a row. Now
nothing ruffles me anymore. Go right ahead."
As Sanyasi donned his new undergarments, Black Seventeen placed a
folder on the desk. "Your next assignment will take place in the Neon
Genesis Evangelion universe. Your target is a fourteen year-old boy
named Shinji Ikari. He pilots a large mecha known as an Eva. This kid
redefines depression. He makes Emily Dickinson look like Excel. There
are three women closely associated with him: fellow Eva pilots Asuka
Soryu Langley and Rei Ayanami, and his commanding officer Misato
Katsuragi. With my powers of fanfiction, eliminating Shinji would mean
that those three would be ripe for the plucking."
Sanyasi had finished dressing by then. "Just a couple of quick
questions. Firstly, I didn't think that universe existed anymore. I
never saw the last movie, but I heard rumors about everybody dissolving
into something that looked a lot like orange juice, or something."
"The fact is, no one knows what the hell happened at the end. Hell,
even the director isn't quite sure. The only thing I know for sure is
that I can't drink orange juice anymore. So, I'm just going to say that
my interpretation of the ending is that everything just turned back to
the way it was. No one can argue, because no one knows."
"Okay," Sanyasi said. "Also, why would you want Asuka and Rei?
Aren't they Shinji's age?"
Black Seventeen angrily slammed his hand down on the desk. "Have
you ever seen those girls? Take a look at them! Take a look at Asuka
and Rei in their plug suits! In their tight, form-fitting,
leaving-nothing-to-the-imagination plug suits! Then tell me that
they're fourteen! Fourteen, my ass! They look like they're good to go
for Playboy! Not even Aphrodite looked that good when she was fourteen!
Yes, that's right; their beauty surpasses the goddesses! I will have
them! And the purple-haired, beer-swilling nymphomaniac the angels
christened Misato! They shall all become the grateful love slaves of
me, the Sixth Child!"
"Please, don't tell me that," Sanyasi said, shutting his eyes
tightly. "I don't want to have to picture you in a plug suit."
"Hey, having a spare tire isn't such a bad thing, is it?"
"Spare tire? You've got the entire Sears auto center in your gut!"
"Hey! I'll have you know that I carry my weight rather well!" Black
Seventeen said defensively.
"You should," Sanyasi countered. "You've had the practice!"
"Hey, I may not have a perfect six-pack of abs, but I'm not some
glutinous circus freak! Some women like love handles."
"Not when they're on your neck!"
"Well, excuse me!" Black Seventeen replied. "Unlike you, who need I
remind you is just a fictional character with a stereotypical muscular
build, I am a real person who must live with the consequences of
devoting my life to the building of my mind as opposed to the building
of my physique. And though I may play host to a few extra pounds, it
does not change the fact that I am a caring and sensitive man who would
care greatly for these three women, no matter what the risks may be.
Once they meet me as the Sixth Child, I'm sure they will agree that a
swollen stomach cannot hide a warm and pure heart."
"...fatass..."
"What was that?!"
"Nothing."
"I didn't think so," Black Seventeen said. "Now, on with your
mission. Infiltrate NERV headquarters and take out that sniveling
pushover Shinji. One bullet should do for that weakling."
Sanyasi gave a dignified bow. "Yes, my Lard."
"What did you say?"
"I said, `Yes, my Lord.'"
"Oh... Okay."

END EXCERPT

Black Seventeen hugged Pesh and took the podium as Pesh sat down on the fallen stage light.

"I write to entertain. My receiving this award shows me that I have done just that in entertaining my audience, which is no small thing. I'm also relieved to know that my sense of humor makes sense to more people than me alone. As long as I write fanfiction, I promise to make entertainment my primary mission. So, with this award, I can say something that Sanyasi never would be able to: Mission accomplished!"

Black Seventeen hugged Pesh once more, and then went and sat down again. Pesh left the stage as Psy retook it.

"That's it for Comedy! Next up is Action/Adventure! Don't miss it!"

**

In the shadowed room...

"Ow! You ran into me!"

"Well, sorry, but it's dark in here!"

"Did the stage light plan work?"

"No, she managed to avoid it."

"Damn! Oh well, the Mistress will be coming soon."

"Yeeeees, now, let us sabotage them once again!"

"Mwahahahahahahaha!"

Continued...