Digimon Fan Fiction / Pokemon Fan Fiction / Pokemon Fan Fiction ❯ *~The TAD Fics~* ❯ A Tad time for Talk shows ( Chapter 12 )

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything and I'm very poor (*Puppy dog look*) Please don't sue me, the characters came of their own free will...anyway the Pokémon characters belong to nintendo, Game freak and all those wealthy companies!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I watched too many talk shows, then too many Pokémon films, then drank too much cola...hence this Tad fic was made...just a usual day for me then ^_^ ... Enjoy!

A TAD TIME FOR TALK SHOWS
By Togepi

As dark clouds sweep past the large bright moon in the sky, mewtwo walked through the door of his dark cave lair with something tucked under his arm. He quickly walked over to a computer almost hidden in a dark corner and turned it on. As it booted up he looked at what he had just bought.

"Ah, good old Bill Gates has done it again..." sighed Mewtwo happily. "...Once I install this "Windows 2002: I promise your computer will never crash ever again" on my PC, I'll be able to write my life story in peace"

"Bill gates sucks big fat ass!!!" came an annoyed squeaky voice from behind him. Mewtwo spun around to see Clone Pikachu standing cross-armed next too Clone meowth.

"No he doesn't!" Mewtwo snapped back at the rebel clone. "Bill gates is a genius.... if we didn't have him in our lives we wouldn't have computers!"

"You know I don't think Bill Gates created those damn infernal machines..." Clone Pikachu yelled back, his paws now on his fat little hips.

"Yeah...but he created half the software for it" added on Clone Meowth. Clone pikachu quickly turned around to his friend and shot him a deadly glare!

"QUIET YOU!!!" he snapped, making the clone Meowth quiver with fear. He then turned back to Mewtwo. "I just happen to be leader of the "We want Bill gates dead!" fan club!"

"I don't care, now leave me alone please!" sighed mewtwo. Clone Pikachu didn't look like he was going to move...until they heard a knock at the door and a loud shrieking voice.

"Knock knock, its MEEEEEEEE!"

"Oh no!" the three clones gasped in shock. "MEW!!!"

With that Clone Pikachu and Clone Meowth ran off quicker than you can say, "Delia Ketchum is a tomato drug dealer". Mewtwo ran towards the closet only to find that Clone Ryhorn and Clone Nidoqueen were in it again...doing things only a perverted Pokémon photographer would of imagined...with their sick twisted Pokémon perverted minds.

"Will you TWO pleeeaasse stop making baby clones in my closet" Mewtwo cried out in desperation. The two Pokémon mumbled something unpleasant to Mewtwo then reluctantly walked out of their "secret place of love" *lol* Mewtwo was about to jump in there when Mew burst through the door and flew straight up to Mewtwo.

"Oh there's my darling Mewtwo, give mummy a kiss..." she yelled, as she grabbed mewtwo's face and started smooching him all over his face. She then stopped and glanced around the room.

"Geez this place is such a mess. You and your little clone friends should clean up more often"

With that mew whipped out a duster and started dusting the house. mewtwo just sighed and slammed his head against the wall.

"Look Mew!" he snapped. "Just because I was cloned from you doesn't instantly make you my mother!"

"Oh yes it does!" she replied as she dusted a "Clone of the year award" on Mewtwo's mantel piece...she then dropped it and it smashed on the hard rock ground.

"Opppsie!" she giggled.

"Oh...Mew..." Mewtwo moaned. "...do you realize how hard it was to grab that from Clone tentacruel's room!"

Just then Clone tentacruel crawled in and looked at his broken award...he then looked at mewtwo.

"You've made a very powerful enemy today CAT!!!" he sneered at him. He then crawled off. Mewtwo just rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Great!"

With that mewtwo returned to his computer. As he sat down and inserted the "Windows" CD into the computer, Mew flew over to him and looked over his shoulder.

"Whatcha doin'?" she asked.

"Somethin'" replied Mewtwo.

Suddenly the computer froze up...Mewtwo began clicking the mouse button, then CTRL, ALT, DEL...He then began to hit and kick the computer viciously.

"WORK YOU $@*%$*!$%! PIECE OF $&*^£^*%!!!!!!!!"

Then...the computer started crying....

"No Mr. mewtwo..." it cried helplessly to its master. "...pleeeaassee don't hurt me anymore, I'll be good, I promise!!!! REMEMBER THE GOOD TIMES WE HAD PLEASE please PLEEAASSSEEEEE!!!!"

Then Mewtwo smashed his hand through the screen, killing the poor defenceless machine instantly. As mewtwo caught his breath back, Mew looked at him in shock.

"Well I NEVER!!!" she snapped. "In all my years as a Mew I have NEVER seen that kind of behaviour!!! I'm so glad you aren't really my son!!!"

Mewtwo froze for a while...then looked at Mew puzzled.

"But just a minute ago you were acting like I was your son"

"Yeah! Well the truth is YOUR NOT! When those scientists who got my DNA weren't looking, I snuck into their laboratory and switched my DNA for that of another Pokémon, but then after all the events on New Island blar de blah, I came to love you and I wanted you for a son...but after THAT display I've decided that I don't want you for a son after all!!!"

Mewtwo paused for a very long time, his face showing how hurt he was inside...(*sniff*) ...with such a pouty face, his lip quivering as he prepared to burst into a flood of tears.

"So...your not my real mother..."

"Afraid not PUNK!!!" Mew snapped. "...Now I'm OUTTA HERE!!" With that she flew out of the door slamming it behind here, leaving the hurt Mewtwo behind.

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Mea nwhile...on the Jerry Springer show.....

"Okay..." began Jerry Springer."...on today's show we have James Morgan. After discovering that the lamppost he was dating had slept with his Victeribelle several times while he was out trying to capture a pikachu belonging to a 13-year-old boy, James decided to protest by.... living in a box..." Jerry then turned to James who was sat in a box, half naked. Jerry paused for a while, then spoke.

"So...erm...how's that turning out for you?"

"I'm cold, I'm hungry, I'm...almost naked...but I ain't gettin' out of this box until that lamppost takes me back and stops sleepin' with my Victeribelle!" James declared.

"JAMES! JAMES! JAMES!" chanted the audience.

"Hey this is MY show!" Jerry snapped at them, which made them shut up. He then turned back to James.

"Well I have a little surprise for you James..." he told the blue haired rocket member. "...Your lamppost has been sleeping with more than just your Victerbelle...bring out the next guest...Meowth!!!!"

With that meowth walked on stage and sat in a chair next to James.

"So meowth..." began Jerry. "...is there something you would like to tell James?"

Meowth nodded then turned to James.

"Er...about two months ago...I slept wit cha lampost too..."

"WHAT!?!" yelled James standing up. "How the F**** could you do this to me you F****** Furball?"

"HEY!" Meowth snapped back, as he stood up on his chair. "I only did it cos you kept denying our love for each 'udder!"

"What love!?! I ain't in love with you, I LOVE MY LAMPY!!!"

"BLUESHIPPING! BLUESHIPPING! BLUESHIPPING!" chanted the audience...but stopped when Jerry shot them an evil look.

"Hummm...well that's not all..." jerry told James, as he looked at his card. "..bring out Jesse!"

With that Jesse walks out on stage.

"Er...James..." she said. "I slept with the lamppost too...OH! And Cassidy too!"

"I don't care that you slept with Cassidy!" James snapped at his partner.

"Oh I mean all three of us did..." Jesse was broke off by James.

"No! No! NO! I don't wanna here this!" He then buried his face in his hands. "Now I know why I hated this show so much!"

****************************************
And now....on the Maury povich show...(*I've been watching it for the past week...cool talk show ^_^*)

"Okay, today we are looking at cloned pokémon DNA results..." Maury announced to his viewers."...meet Mewtwo, a few days ago the Pokémon he was cloned from, Mew, told him that he wasn't her biological clone..." maury then turned to Mewtwo. "That must of been awful to hear..."

A crying Mewtwo wiped his eyes then spoke. "Yes it was Maury! Awful!"

"But your here today to take a DNA test as you think she's lying, don't you?" Mewtwo just nodded. "Okay lets bring on mew!"

With that Mew flew on stage and sat in a chair next to mewtwo.

"So, you told mewtwo that he isn't your biological clone, is that right?" Maury said to the pink cat.

"That's DAMN right maury!" mew replied. "I switched the DNA, so god knows what this thing is a clone of!!!" Mew gestured towards mewtwo who started weeping again. "Oh quit blubberin' you wuss!"

"Why do you have to be so mean?" cried mewtwo in floods of tears.

"Cos you ain't my clone that's why!!!!"

Maury watched the two creatures in front of him for a while, then decided to speak.

"Well the DNA test is in...you ready for this mewtwo?"

Mewtwo sobbed for a little while, then nodded. Maury then opened the envelope and took out the piece of paper.

"Well this says that Mewtwo is....NOT the biological clone of Mew!"

"HA!" Mew laughed evilly as she pointed at mewtwo. "EAT THAT YOU FREAK CLONE!"

Mewtwo just stood up and ran off the stage (*Everybody does that on maury ^_^*) maury ran after Mewtwo and stopped him.

"I can't believe this..." mewtwo sobbed.

"Okay! So what are you going to do now Mewtwo?" Asked maury. "Cos we'll be happy to DNA test any more Pokémon for you..."

"Nah!" sniffed mewtwo. "Right now I feel like destroying human kind again!"

"Oh no! Mewtwo..." Maury replied, trying to sound sympathetic. "You shouldn't do that!"

"Well okay...how about I horribly murder a few hundred people...will that do?"

"Sure! Why not?" Maury sighed...then mewtwo stormed off again, this time a VERY VERY angry little clone.

(*The author stars laughing manically*)

****************************************************
"HA-ah!" shouted the author as she laid down a bunch of cards in front of a nearly naked Brock who was sat opposite her. "That means I get your boxer shorts!"

"But...but...but they're all I have!!!!" cried Brock.

"Hand 'em over squinty!!!"

Brock paused for a little while...then reluctantly took off his boxer shorts and gave them to the author. He blushed furiously as the author, along with Ash, Misty, Tracey, Pikachu and Togepi stared at him, then started sniggering.

"Wha...wha...what are you guys looking at?"

"No wonder blind boy can't get a date!!!" sniggered the author. "Pretty small if you ask me, right guys?" The author turned towards the others who agreed.

"I am so glad that I'm gonna marry Ash in the future and not Brock!" Laughed Misty.

"Well actually Misty..." replied the author. "...I've been feeling more Gymshippy than Pokéshippy recently...so...."

Misty just cursed under her breath and looked at the ground.

Then Suddenly mewtwo burst through the wall, grabbed Tracey, ripped his head off with his teeth, then ran back out again. The others just watched as mewtwo left, then looked at Tracey's body on the floor.

"So..." said the author, who began shuffling the cards in her hand. "...who's up for go fish!"

"YAY! NO nakedness!" yelled Brock as he struggled to put his trousers back on.

"NAKED go fish!" The author finished.

"DAMNIT!!!"

*********************************** **************
A FEW MONTHS LATER....(*cos I can't be bothered to write too much now*)

Mewtwo, after being caught by Pokémon control and shackled up after killing 500 people, is now sat in a psychiatrist's office...and the Physiatrist is none other than Mr. Mackey from South Park.

"Everybody hates me" moaned mewtwo, as he laid down on the couch.

"Why do you suppose that is?" Asked Mr. Mackey as he tried to work out 4 across on the crossword puzzle he was doing.

"Because I'm an evil insane clone hell bent on destroying everything?" guessed mewtwo.

"Hummm...well that's a good start, why else?"

"Well..." began mewtwo. "...all my life I have questioned my very existence, but one thing I was sure on was that I was cloned from Mew...but now I found out I wasn't...so I just started killing people, left and right, up and sown, side to side..."

"Hummm..." said Mr. Macky. "...I think I see the problem, you see killing people is bad, Mmmmkay, do you realize that mewtwo? Mmmmkay? I mean your one screwed up little clone...Also I think you killing 500 people is actually a secret call for you to except the fact your gay!"

Mewtwo suddenly stood up and glared angrily at Mr. Mackey.

"I Am NOT GAY, do you HEAR..." he then brought a Mew puppet out from behind his back and put it on his hand. "...But Mr. Mew is gay, aren't you?"

"Mr.Mew is gay?"

Mewtwo nodded. "You wouldn't believe the situations he got us in, like this one time I woke up and..."

"Yeah okay..." interrupted Mr. Mackey. "... don't think we need to be hearing any further on THAT subject?"

"Awww...but I wanna hear it" moaned perverted Pokmon photographer Todd as he appeared in the window, as he readied his camera to get a sexy shot of mewtwo mr. Mackey shut the window making Todd plummet to what would of been his ultimate death...if he hadn't been a half cyborg, half human type terminator creature. As his head emerged from the whole he had made when he hit the concrete floor...half his face robot, half human, Togepi walked by and spotted him.

"Hey I just realized I've practically been left out of this fic..." snapped the evil egg. then he lifted up his bazooka and fired a hole straight through terminator Todd's head...this time he's defiantly dead! The evil egg then laughed manically and walked off.

*********************************************************
Bac k on the Jerry Springer show.....

The stage is filled full of people and Pokémon who have slept with the lamppost James was dating in the last 3 months he had been dating it.

"James..." sighed a weary Jerry Springer. "..all of these people slept with the lamppost because they really want you...NOW CHOOSE SOMEONE DAMNIT!!!!"

"But I want lampy..." sulked James.

"Hey James..." said Jesse, trying to sound sexy. "...if you pick me I'll give you a doughnut...no two doughnuts..." Then Domino pushed Jesse out of the way.

"THAT'S BRIBARY BITCH!!!! YOU CAN'T BRIBE HIM!!!" Domino then turned to James and slipped one thousand pounds into his hand and winked at him.

"THAT'S IT!!!!" yelled James. "I can't WORK LIKE THIS!!!! I'm LEAVING!!!"

And he storms out of the building. An awkward silence entered the room...as odd people here and there coughed...then meowth spoke.

"LET'S ALL GANG UP ON JERRY SPRINGER AND MAKE HIM DO OUR DODGY BIDDINGS!"

Everyone cheered...even the audience....and everyone jumped on top of Jerry Springer.

"NO!!!!" Jerry screamed. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He then disappeared under the crowd....

...and that was the story of jerry Springer's bizarre death!

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A TAD TIME FOR TALK SHOWS UPDATE:

- Since the story....Mewtwo was committed to a mental institution, where he resides today, continually talking to his hand, where Mr. mew used to be and singing Wheatus songs all day long!

- Mr. mew was taken in by Big Gay Al and now lives in Big Gay Al's big Gay boat ride...thing, where he is said to be having the time of his life

- Clone Pikachu successfully assassinated Bill gates.... plunging the world into a computer technology repression. He's now serving a life sentence in Pokémon jail. His cell mate is a butch queen named "Hot Bootay", who just so happens to be a HUGE randy venasuar.

- Clone meowth became president of the world...... and the world is a much better place!

- Mew decided she did want a clone of her...so hired a bunch of scientists to clone her....she now is a proud mother to a clone called MewThree...MewFour is on the way!

- Most of the people who slept with the Lamppost are still chasing James...to this very day!

- James...is ready to murder them all!...and he still lives in that box!

- The lamppost went back to it's first love Giovanni...and now enjoys it's life with him, Domino and Giovanni's very disturbed Persian.

- Tracey was killed another 600 times....nobody cared

- The author is still coaxing Brock into naked card games...

- ...and Misty is now doomed to life with Brock...and his (*sniggers*) "small" problem!

- Ash is still a dumb naive little boy!

- Terminator Todd came back from the dead and continues his mission to capture the most sexiest Pokémon on camera.

- Jerry Springer is still dead...to my knowledge!

- Harry Potter died a horrible tragic death...involving a broom, a bazooka and an Evil Togepi.

- Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Spike the Vampire had 10 little vampire children who are apparently a real pain to control...they are appearing on the next Maury talk show entitled "I wish I never laid my hands on my vampire lover..."

- Spike claims some of the children aren't his...cos at least one has a soul. Angel denies the one with a soul is his!

- Duplica danced the hockey cocky and turned all around

- Bob the builder continues his sordid affair with assistant Wendy! And that blue crane Lofty jumped off a bridge and was destroyed beyond repair, cos I hate him!

- Mr. Mackey won "Who wants to be a millionaire"

- Anne Robinson went on a killing spree

- Posh Spice had 6 more children...named "California", "Kenya", "Turkey", "Chicago", "Taiwan" and "In a field...somewhere!"

- All members of S Club 7 got arrested for doing rare candies...they admit they're hardcore addicts and blame it on the "little pink balloon creature that visits them in their dreams"

- The authors dad got angry cos his darling daughter didn't come off the computer when she was told too...then he fell asleep!

- Leomon from Digimon Tamers came back from the dead and married his tamer jeri.

- Lara Croft married her mobile phone

- Fred Durst had a problem with underpants fairies!

- Brock had routine eye surgery...but the doctors got confused and replaced his eyes with two meatballs.

- Ash...ate a sandwich

- Pikachu became leader of Team Rocket

THE END!