Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Close Every Door ❯ Close Every Door ( One-Shot )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: StarryNight 
Ken's thoughts on himself and the people around him. Kensuke hints.
Anime/Manga: Digimon Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Drama / Psychological | Type: Songfic | Uploaded On: 09.16.2002 | Pages: 2 | Words: 828 | Visits: 684 | Status: Completed
Ken's thoughts on himself and the people around him. Kensuke hints.
Anime/Manga: Digimon Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Drama / Psychological | Type: Songfic | Uploaded On: 09.16.2002 | Pages: 2 | Words: 828 | Visits: 684 | Status: Completed
Close Every Door
By: Liz
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me. I am using them for fun, not profit. If you sue me, you'll get nothing but a lot of debt, so don't bother.
Rating: PG-13
Author's Notes: *shrugs* Boredom leads to writing sprees. That's all I can say. This is very Ken-centric with Kensuke implications. The song 'Close Every Door' is from 'Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat' and also doesn't belong to me.
Archiving: Anywhere, just keep my name and disclaimers attached, and let me know where it's going.
Feedback is always welcomed. Flames will be tossed into one of those Aztec bottomless sacrificial pits.
**-denotes lyrics
**********
**Close every door to me, hide all the world from me
Bar all the windows and shut out the light
Do what you want with me hate me and laugh at me
Darken my daytime and torture my night**
I am evil.
No matter how much he may say otherwise, I *have* to be evil, otherwise I wouldn't be capable of doing what I did.
I tortured and enslaved thousands of innocent Digimon--*real* creatures, not the imaginary being I had thought they were. And-even worse-I put humans in danger. I put *him* in danger.
As much as he may try to convince me that it wasn't all my fault, that I'm a friend, I can't believe it.
I'm not worth it.
**If my life was important I
Would ask will I live or die
But I know the answers lie far from this world**
Absolution does not lie with him...it does not even lie within *me*. It lies in the world which I tried to conquer...the world I almost destroyed.
I can still hear it, you know. Hear every cry, hear every order I gave.
Every time I close my eyes, I see Wormmon being reconfigured in my arms. Even now that I have him back again.
I know I am hated in that world. I'm only tolerated in this world, no matter what he might say.
**Close every door to me, keep those I love from me
Children of Israel are never alone
For I know I shall find my own peace of mind
For I have been promised a land of my own**
He wants to help me, but he can't. I want to take his hand, his offer, but *I* can't. Absolution can only be found in two places-the Digital world and in myself.
Although...knowing that he believes in me does help.
**Close every door to me, hide all the world from me
Bar all the windows and shut out the light
La la la la la la**
I existed in darkness for so long. To some extent, I still do.
I *want* to know the light, but...I'm scared of it. It probably doesn't want me, anyway.
I wouldn't blame it. Light is not for the likes of me.
**Just give me a number instead of my name
Forget all about me and let me decay
I do not matter
I'm only one person
Destroy me completely then throw me away**
There is no way that I can properly atone for what I have done.
He says that helping them clean up the Digital World and destroy the remaining Control Spires is the way to go, but...I don't think it's that simple.
If only because I would be around constant reminders of what I used to be-what I *am*. No, not the Spires--*them*. Him.
Those I used to fight against cannot become allies. Not that they seem to want me, anyway. Only he does.
And...as much as I want to be wanted by him...it's not enough.
Nothing is.
**If my life were important I
Would ask will I live or die
But I know the answers lie far from this world**
There are times that I want to die.
But...there are times where I want to live, too.
If I thought my death would solve everything, I'd do it in a heartbeat. But it's too late to remove myself from the equation-I've been removed already.
And this, living with what I've done...I think this is just part of my punishment.
**Close every door to me keep those I love from me
Children of Israel are never alone
For we know we shall find our own peace of mind
For we have been promised a land of our own**
He says to get over it, that it is over. He is constantly leaving doors open for me.
But I keep sneaking out the windows.
I don't deserve someone like him.
I don't even deserve myself.
I don't deserve so much...but no one else deserved what I did, either.
I am evil, no matter what he thinks.
And until I've rid myself of the evil, I can't be with him-them-even if it is what I want.
I have to be on my own.
***********
The End
By: Liz
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me. I am using them for fun, not profit. If you sue me, you'll get nothing but a lot of debt, so don't bother.
Rating: PG-13
Author's Notes: *shrugs* Boredom leads to writing sprees. That's all I can say. This is very Ken-centric with Kensuke implications. The song 'Close Every Door' is from 'Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat' and also doesn't belong to me.
Archiving: Anywhere, just keep my name and disclaimers attached, and let me know where it's going.
Feedback is always welcomed. Flames will be tossed into one of those Aztec bottomless sacrificial pits.
**-denotes lyrics
**********
**Close every door to me, hide all the world from me
Bar all the windows and shut out the light
Do what you want with me hate me and laugh at me
Darken my daytime and torture my night**
I am evil.
No matter how much he may say otherwise, I *have* to be evil, otherwise I wouldn't be capable of doing what I did.
I tortured and enslaved thousands of innocent Digimon--*real* creatures, not the imaginary being I had thought they were. And-even worse-I put humans in danger. I put *him* in danger.
As much as he may try to convince me that it wasn't all my fault, that I'm a friend, I can't believe it.
I'm not worth it.
**If my life was important I
Would ask will I live or die
But I know the answers lie far from this world**
Absolution does not lie with him...it does not even lie within *me*. It lies in the world which I tried to conquer...the world I almost destroyed.
I can still hear it, you know. Hear every cry, hear every order I gave.
Every time I close my eyes, I see Wormmon being reconfigured in my arms. Even now that I have him back again.
I know I am hated in that world. I'm only tolerated in this world, no matter what he might say.
**Close every door to me, keep those I love from me
Children of Israel are never alone
For I know I shall find my own peace of mind
For I have been promised a land of my own**
He wants to help me, but he can't. I want to take his hand, his offer, but *I* can't. Absolution can only be found in two places-the Digital world and in myself.
Although...knowing that he believes in me does help.
**Close every door to me, hide all the world from me
Bar all the windows and shut out the light
La la la la la la**
I existed in darkness for so long. To some extent, I still do.
I *want* to know the light, but...I'm scared of it. It probably doesn't want me, anyway.
I wouldn't blame it. Light is not for the likes of me.
**Just give me a number instead of my name
Forget all about me and let me decay
I do not matter
I'm only one person
Destroy me completely then throw me away**
There is no way that I can properly atone for what I have done.
He says that helping them clean up the Digital World and destroy the remaining Control Spires is the way to go, but...I don't think it's that simple.
If only because I would be around constant reminders of what I used to be-what I *am*. No, not the Spires--*them*. Him.
Those I used to fight against cannot become allies. Not that they seem to want me, anyway. Only he does.
And...as much as I want to be wanted by him...it's not enough.
Nothing is.
**If my life were important I
Would ask will I live or die
But I know the answers lie far from this world**
There are times that I want to die.
But...there are times where I want to live, too.
If I thought my death would solve everything, I'd do it in a heartbeat. But it's too late to remove myself from the equation-I've been removed already.
And this, living with what I've done...I think this is just part of my punishment.
**Close every door to me keep those I love from me
Children of Israel are never alone
For we know we shall find our own peace of mind
For we have been promised a land of our own**
He says to get over it, that it is over. He is constantly leaving doors open for me.
But I keep sneaking out the windows.
I don't deserve someone like him.
I don't even deserve myself.
I don't deserve so much...but no one else deserved what I did, either.
I am evil, no matter what he thinks.
And until I've rid myself of the evil, I can't be with him-them-even if it is what I want.
I have to be on my own.
***********
The End