Hi!! Here we are again with a new story… And it's a long one this time…

Taichi: I didn't know you had it in you…

Sillie: * glares * Anyway…. It's based on a song from the Dutch group Kane…

Yama: Kane? Never heard of it…

Sillie: I said, a Dutch group…

Yama: Ah, that explains it…

Sillie: * sighs* The song is called 'Not here'… It's really beautiful…

Yama: More beautiful than my songs?

Taichi: Nobody can sing as beautiful as you Yama… * hugs *

Yama: ^_____^

Sillie: So cute!! * squeals *

Yama and Taichi: -___-''

Sillie: Hehe… anyway, let's start with the story… * pokes Taichi * Make yourself useful!!

Taichi: Euh…Oh! The disclaimer !! Sillie doesn't own Digimon, or the song 'Not here'…

Not here

The sun was shining brightly. Two boys where at the park, enjoying the heat. One of the boys was sitting with his back against a tree. He had long blond hair, and beautiful blue eyes. He was staring at the other boy, who had his head resting on his lap.

The blond was combing his fingers trough the wild brown locks of the other boy, who had his eyes closed. It looked like he was asleep.

"He Yamato! How are you doing?" A girl with red hair came walking towards the two boys. "I'm fine, thank you Sora. And how are you doing?"

"Fine! Fine…" She sat down next to Matt, and they talked about little nothings.

In the mean time, Tai wasn't asleep at all. He was quietly listening to the ongoing conversation. When Matt had to laugh, he opened one chocolate coloured eye. He loved Matt's smile… It was the smile he had fallen in love with…

He and Matt where dating for 2 months now, and it where the most happy months of his live. He loved Matt so much, it hurt sometimes. He didn't want to think about what he would do if he'd ever lose him. Tai sighed, and closed his eye again. He loved the feeling of Matt's hands combing trough his hair.

After some time, Sora left. It was turning late, and Tai and Matt had to go home too. Matt softly nudged Tai's shoulder. "Taichi…time to go home." Tai opened one eye, and looked at Matt. "Ah… do we have to? I don't want to go home…"

Matt smiled at him. "Sorry. We really have to go. We have school tomorrow and you don't want to fall asleep at you desk, do you?" Tai scowled. "That's the only things those desks are good for… sleeping…"

Matt laughed. "Well… You don't want you mom angry, do you? When you're grounded, we can't be together after school." Tai's eyes widened, and he jumped up. "You're right! Let's go!" Matt grinned, and also stood.

"I'm always right, just face it." Tai laughed at that, but stopped when he heard a squeal. When they looked around they saw a group of girls who where staring at them, and whispering.

"Shit.." Matt whispered. Tai turned to Matt. "Are those some fan girls of you?" "Yeah… I'm afraid they are…"

Suddenly, the girls stopped whispering and started to walk in their direction. "Oh-oh… Taichi?"

"Yeah, what is it Yama?" Matt turned, and grabbed Tai's hand. "Run!" And before Tai could fully understand what was going on, he was dragged along by Matt in a mad dash trough the park.

Matt's band, the Teenage Wolves, had become quite famous, and Matt had a lot of fan girls. Tai wasn't surprised. Matt looked like an angel to him, with his golden hair, and his expressive blue eyes.

After a while, they finally lost the girls, and they slowed down a bit. "You alright Taichi?" Matt asked. "Yeah… I'm fine. You?"

"I'm fine… I hate it when things like this happen." Tai looked at him sympathetically, and squeezed Matt's hand, which he was still holding. Matt pulled his hand away.

"Sorry Tai…" Matt said, when he saw the hurt in Tai's eyes. "No, it's alright," Tai said, "I know… you can't help it…"

Tai and Matt had confessed their love for each other after one of Matt's concerts. The band manager had walked in, just as they where making out. He had been shocked at first, and had sent Tai away.

When Matt called, later on, he was relieved to hear that they could still date. But the manager had said that Matt had a reputation to keep up, and he had a lot of fan girls, so nobody could know of their relationship.

They had to date in secret, and Tai didn't like it at all. He wanted to tell the world that Matt was his now, and he hated that he couldn't show affection to Matt whenever he wanted to.

He sighed. "I better go home quickly, before my mom gets angry…"

"Tai…"

"See you tomorrow…" and he quickly walked away. Matt stared after him, a sad look on his face.

~*~

"I'm home!" Tai yelled, when he entered the house/ He got no reply. He entered the living room, and saw his sister, Kari, on the couch. She was reading a book. "He Kar… where's mom?"

Kari looked up from her book, and smiled at him. "Mom went away to help the neighbour with something. She can be home any minute now." Tai nodded. "Ah, okay." He sat down next to his sister and sighed.

"So, how was your day with Yamato?" Kari asked. She and T.K where the only ones who knew of their relationship, and Tai was glad he could tell at least someone about his feelings for Matt. "It was fun. It's always fun to be with Yama."

"But…?" Kari asked. Tai looked at her. He shouldn't be surprised. She always sensed when something was troubling him.

"But…" he repeated her, "..I hate the fact that I can't show affection to him in public. I love him with all my heart, and it frustrates me that I can't show it to the world." Kari nodded.

"What brings this up again? Did something happen?" Tai sighed. "Oh, it was nothing… really stupid now that I think of it…"

"Go on…" Kari pressed.

"Well… Yama and I where at the park, when some of his fan girls spotted him. They came walking towards us, and before I knew it, Yama had grabbed my hand, and was dragging me out of the park in some wild dash. After a while we lost those girls, and we stopped running. He said he hated it when that sort of things happened. I was still holding his hand, and I squeezed it. He pulled his hand away…"

Tai swallowed, and looked at his sister. "It hurt you know?" Kari nodded. "Yeah…it must be really hard…" She patted him on the shoulder. At that moment, Ms. Yagami entered the house.

"Hikari! I'm home!" She entered the living room. "Oh, Taichi, you're back. How was your day?" Tai plastered a fake smile on his face, and replied: "Yeah, it was fun!"

Ms. Yagami smiled. "Good. Well, I'll start with dinner."

~*~

After dinner, Tai lay on his bad in his room. Once, Kari and he had shared a room, but when he'd turned 18, he had gotten his own room.

He was thinking about the little conflict, if you could even call it that. Why was it bothering him so much? He and Matt where dating for two months now, and it never had been a problem before… hadn't it?

He had never liked it, but he could handle it. But lately, it seemed to get harder. And it became more difficult with every passing day…

He was jolted out of his thoughts, when he heard his cell phone ringing. When he pulled it out of his pocket, he saw it was Matt. "Moshi moshi, Taichi speaking."

"Funny" Matt said. "Taichi, you know it's me." It was silent for a few seconds, then Matt continued. "Look, I'm sorry Taichi. I didn't mean to hurt you… You know that, right?"

"Yeah, I know.." Tai replied. "but I don't like it at all Yama. I want to hold you, kiss you, hug you whenever I want to!"

"Yeah, I know baby, but I can't help it…" Again, it was silent. Then Matt whispered, "I love you Taichi…"

"Love you too Yama." Tai replied. "Well… got to go. See you tomorrow at school!"

"Yeah, see you tomorrow." Tai said, and then Matt had hung up. Tai stared at the cell phone. He couldn't stay mad at Matt. He really couldn't help it.

He sighed, put the cell phone away, and changed into his nightclothes. (which where boxers and a sleeveless shirt.) He crawled in bed and fell into a deep sleep.

~*~

Next morning, he was awoken by Kari, who pounced on him. "Urg! Hikari!!" She giggled. "Well, you didn't woke up when I called you, so…"

"So it's alright to just jump on me? I will get you for that!" Kari screamed, and ran away, Tai chasing her. "Kids! Come on, stop with that! Get dressed, you have to go to school pretty soon!" Ms. Yagami shouted.

Tai glared at Kari, who was smiling innocently back at him. He went back to his room, and got dressed. He quickly brushed his hair, but it was wild as ever, and wouldn't be tamed. When he entered the kitchen, his mother turned to him. "I'm leaving now. Have a nice day at school!"

"Thanks mom." When Ms. Yagami walked out the door, Matt just arrived. "He Yamato, how are you?"

"I'm fine Ms. Yagami, thanks." She smiled. "Taichi's in the kitchen. Have a nice day!" Matt smiled, and went inside. He peeked inside the kitchen, and saw Tai at the kitchen table with his back turned to him.

An evil grin came on Matt's face, and he silently walked up to Tai. He wrapped his arms around Tai's neck, and whispered in his ear. "Good morning beautiful" Tai jumped and squeaked in surprise. Then he turned, and glared at Matt, but the glare soon turned into a pout. "Why can't I stay mad at you?" Tai whined.

Matt laughed and said. "Because you love me so much?" Tai smiled back, and they kissed. Mat had unbelievable soft and kissable lips. Tai wouldn't mind to do this every morning.

"Jeez! Get a room you two!" It was Kari. They both blushed, and Kari laughed. "He Yamato. Coming to collect my brother?" Matt nodded. "Are you sure?" Kari asked with a grin. Matt grinned back. "Well… Yeah, I'm sure."

At that moment, Tai stood, and went to put on his shoes. Matt followed him to the hall. When Tai had put on his coat, he turned to Matt. "Ready to go?" he asked. "Almost…" Matt replied.

He walked up to Tai, grabbed his head, and plunged their mouths together. He kissed Tai deeply, and when he pulled away some minutes later, they were slightly out of breath. "Now I'm ready." He panted. Tai grinned at him, and opened the door.

~*~

Lessons went by pretty quick. Matt and Tai had some classes together, but not all. At lunch break, Tai was there before Matt. Tai was anxiously looking around, and when he spotted Matt, a huge grin came to his face.

"He Yama-ch… eh, Yamato, over here!" He waved with his hand, and Matt walked over. Tai had the urge to stand up and kiss Matt, but he suppressed it. Matt sat down next to Tai, and smiled at him.

"He Taichi. Had a nice math class?" Tai scowled at him. "It was horrible. I almost fell asleep.. and worse, you weren't there…" Matt grinned. At that moment, the rest of the digidestened showed up.

They always ate lunch together. They where talking happily, when a group of giggling girls sat at the table next to them. They would glance at Matt, giggle even louder, and whisper to each other. It irritated Tai to no end.

He was glaring at the girls for all he was worth. How he would love to walk up to those girls, and tell them Matt was his... He was yanked out of his thoughts when someone tapped him on his shoulder.

"What!" he snapped. "Sorry Taichi, but you spaced out there for a second..." Sora said, "I was trying to get your attention, but you didn't respond."

Tai mentally smacked himself. First he was spacing out, and then he was snapping at Sora. "Sorry... I didn't mean to snap at you. I guess you startled me... What did you want my attention for?"

"Well... I was wondering why you where glaring at those girls. They didn't do anything to you, did they?" Tai blinked, and stared at her with big eyes. "Euh..."

What did they do? He couldn't say 'They where flirting with my boyfriend'... He quickly glanced at Matt, who was talking to his brother. Their eyes met for a second, then Matt looked at his brother again. But Tai had seen the warning in Matt's eyes, and it made him uneasy. He had to control himself better, or people could become suspicious...

He looked back at Sora, who was still waiting for an answer. "Euh.." he stammered again, "their... euh... their giggling was bothering me..."

"Yeah right..." Sora said. She looked Tai straight in the eye. Tai felt his face heating up. Why did he have to blush! If Sora was suspecting that he was lying, then she was sure now... At that moment, the bell rang, which meant lunch break was over.

'Saved by the bell...' Tai quickly stoop up, grabbed his bag, and walked to his next lesson. He sat down at the back of the class. A few minutes later, Matt walked in, and sat down next to Tai.

"So... what was that all about? You where gone awfully quick..." Tai looked at his table, and mumbled, "Sora caught me glaring at those fan girls of yours... I think she didn't believe my explanation..."

Matt sighed. "Taichi... I know it's hard, but please..."

"I know." Tai cut him off. "I know..." Tai also sighed, and stared out of the window. He felt how a hand squeezed his arm, and he turned back to Matt, who was smiling softly at him. Tai smiled back. At that moment, the rest of the class entered the classroom. The teacher also entered, and the lesson started.

~*~

Later that day, when school had finished, Matt and Tai where at the park. They where sitting under the exact same tree as the day before, in the same position. Tai had his head resting on Matt's lap, and Matt was combing his fingers through Tai's hair.

They where sitting there in a comfortable silence, which was unique, considering the fact Tai was talking al the time. It was Matt who broke the silence. "Taichi..."

Once chocolate colored eye opened and looked at him. "...I have to go..." Now both eyes opened, and looked at him pleadingly. "Ah... do you really have to?" he whined. Matt sighed. "Yeah, I have to. I've got band practice..."

"But you can play beautifully... You don't have to practice that much, do you?" Tai asked hopefully. "Tai... We've got a gig this weekend! Everything has to go right then!"

"But Yama... I don't want you to go..." Tai said. He looked at Matt, and pulled his 'lost puppy dog' expression, which he knew Matt couldn't resist. "You love me more than your music, right?"

Matt felt his resolve crumble at those big, beautiful brown eyes who where staring at him. So he stood rather abruptly, which caused Tai to bump his head at the ground. He sat up, and rubbed his head. "Ouch..."

"Sorry about that..." Matt said, "...but I really have to go... I can't miss this one..." Matt quickly looked around. When he was sure no one was there, he gave Tai a quick peck on the cheek.

"And you know who I love more... See you tomorrow!" Tai stared after him, and when he was out of sight, Tai laid down again. He stared up at the leafs, who where softly waving in the wind. He sighed. 'Do I really know who you love more Yama?'

~*~

The next day, Tai wasn't acting like his happy go lucky self. Normally, he was talking and smiling all the time. Now, he was silent, and in his own little world, deep in thoughts. When someone snapped him out of it, he would give them a fake smile.

At lunch, he was broodingly staring out of the window. The others looked at him in worry, then they looked at Matt. But he was just as worried, if not more. He had no idea what was wrong with Tai, but he was determent to find out.

Matt got his change at the end of the day, when he spotted Tai at his locker. He quickly walked up to him. "He Taichi! What's up?" Tai turned to him and smiled. It didn't reach his eyes... "He Yamato..."

Matt quirked an eyebrow at him. "What's with the fake smile Taichi?" Tai looked at him with big eyes. "Fake smile? What are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about!" Matt retorted "You're not acting like yourself today! You're way to silent, and every time you smile, it doesn't reach your eyes. What's wrong?"

"Nothings wrong..."Tai answered. Matt sighed in frustration. Tai could be so stubborn sometimes. He wanted to solve his problems on his own. "Don't talk bullshit Tai!" Matt growled, "I know something's wrong! I'm your best friend, and I want to help you!"

At the words 'best friend' Tai bowed his head, so Matt couldn't see the hurt in his eyes. "So you want to know what's wrong?" Tai's voice sounded strangely soft.

"Yes, I want to know!" Matt said.

"I can't take it anymore Yama..." Tai whispered. "What?" Tai lifted his head, and looked at Matt. Matt flinched at the amount of pain he saw in Tai's eyes. "I can't take it anymore!" He repeated. Matt looked confused. "What do you mean?"

"This whole facade! I love you Yama... with all my heart..." Matt looked around nervously. At any moment, someone could walk by, and hear what Tai was saying... "...and I want to show all those stupid fan girls of yours that they don't stand a change... that you're mine..."

"Taichi... can we talk somewhere else?" Matt asked, looking around nervously, but Tai rambled on, like he didn't hear Matt speak. "I just want to hug you, kiss you and touch you whenever I want! You won't even let me hug you! I did that already before we started dating....."

"Tai... someone might hear you! Can we please go somewhere else?" Matt tried again, but it was no use. "I know you love your music, and that it's important for you... but you're important to me! I love you so much Yama..."

"Taichi! Please!" Matt pleaded. Suddenly, he saw someone heading their way, and he started to panic. "... I love you so much, it hurts sometimes... but it hurts me even more when I can't touch you Yama... I don't know about you, but I can't do it any longer... I love..."

He was cut of in mid- sentence. His head snapped to the right, and on his left cheek appeared a red handprint. After a few moments of stunned silence, realisation sank in, and Matt's eyes widened. 'Oh my god... I slapped Taichi...'

Tai had kept his head turned to the right, but now he turned it back slowly. His hand travelled to his face to touch his cheek. Tears where in his eyes, and slidded down his face. "At least I know who you love more now..." he spoke with a broken voice.

Then he turned, and ran away. Matt was to chocked to follow, and could only stare after him. When Tai was out of sight, he leaned against the lockers, and slidded down to sit on the floor. He felt how the tears started to build in his eyes, and he grabbed his hair in frustration.

'What have I done?'

~~~*~~~

t.b.c.

Okay... this fic is taking longer that I expected... The original plan was to post it as one... but it's taking so long, and I want to know what you guy's think of it... I think this is about half of the fic... You'll have to wait for the second part of the fic for the song from Kane...

Oh, I want to dedicate this fic to CCPheonix, for her wonderful stories ( I loved reflection) and Goth Serphiona, who supported me… ^__^

Taichi: What did you do to me and Yama-chan??

Sillie: You'll have to wait for the second part to find out…

Yama: That's ebil… when will it be finished?

Sillie: I don't know…it's taking longer that I thought…ebil writers block is lurking in the dark…

Taichi: You better finish it soon….

Yama: Yeah!!

Sillie: I will try…really, I will try, but I can't promise…

Taichi and Yama: -__-''